01x12 - Three Men and a Mouse

[bunniefuu]

[Upbeat hip-hop music]

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

Lawrence, y'all.

What's up? How y'all feel?

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ ♪

[Rattling]

[Rattling]

Martin, martin!

Martin, did you hear that?

Are you asleep? Wake up!

Not again.

I need an hour to recharge, baby.

Only an hour?

Now I know you're asleep. You're dreaming.

Honey, please...

What's the matter, gina?

I--i think I hear something in the living room.

I don't, gina. Go back to sleep.

[Rattling]

See, martin? Martin!

Did you hear that?

I heard it, o.k.?

Now we know we don't need hearing A*DS.

Go back to sleep!

[Rattling]

Martin, could you see what that is?

You probably left the tv on like always, gina.

Oh.

Oh, baby, then go turn it off, o.k.?

Ohhh, gina!

Ohhh...

Honey, what was it?

A mouse, gina.

A mouse! A real one?

No, gina, a cartoon mouse--

Speedy gonzalez.

Andele! Andele! Andele! Ya-hah!

I'm serious, martin! Did you catch it?

Gina, when it saw me, it ran under the refrigerator.

Oh, well, we can't stay here, then.

I'm just playing, o.k.?

I opened the door, and it ran out.

Martin, you're lying.

I can't stay here if there's a mouse.

Let's go to my place.

It's : in the morning!

Martin, I can't sleep knowing there's a mouse crawling around.

What if it crawls through our food and clothes?

You know I sleep with my mouth open.

I'm not crawling around at this hour looking for no damn mouse!

Well, I can't sleep, then.

You'll feel better at your place?

Would you, honey?

Ohhh! All right, we'll go,

But you ain't going to sleep there, either,

Because I'm up now.

I'm driving clear across town at : a.m.

Oh, it's on.

Come on, baby. Come on!

Martin, I just got through talking to my exterminator.

When he's finished setting traps in the basement,

He'll be up here.

Your partner sounds weird.

You sure he's an exterminator?

Martin, he may be a little eccentric,

But he's the best.

I use him at my funeral parlor,

Because when a grieving widow

Sees a giant rat scurrying around in an open casket,

She'll likely want her money back.

I don't have a rat. I have a mouse--

One mouse.

Must have left my door open.

Rats are nothing to be embarrassed about.

That's how I built this empire of mine.

On rats?

Mm-hmm.

As a kid, I went down to old man henderson's ranch,

Catch some field rats, chop their tails off,

And sell them to the neighborhood kids as chihuahuas.

You know what, stan? You amaze me, man.

Every time I think you can't get any lower,

You take me to the curb.

Well, let me take you to the gutter,

Because with the profit I made from them rats,

I opened up an extermination business,

And you know what?

There's only one thing I enjoy more than k*lling rats.

What's that, stan?

Making love to a grieving widow

After she's seen a -pound rat.

Mmm... They go wild, man,

And they start climbing all up on you.

Ooh, it give me goosebumps just thinking about it.

That's cold, stan.

Yeah. As cold as their dead husband's toes.

Marty payne?

Ahem. No.

It's martin, man, not marty.

Did you call an exterminator?

You're an exterminator?

Why else would I dress like this?

Mardi gras.

Shut up!

Now where's that little mousy at?

Here, man.

Here's my address, right?

Here's where you can find me after you're done.

So, marty payne...

You're the one with that talk radio show.

Uh-huh.

Then what y'all needto do

Is to have a special show on exterminators

Starring me,

Because I started this business.

I'm the king,

I'm the legend,

And I am the founder.

Have you heard of raid?

I invented it!

That little exterminator from the south

Gets the credit, though.

Huh?

You know why they couldn't find bigfoot?

Because I caught him!

You think anybody gave me an award for that?

They didn't give me nothin'!

They ain't never gave me nothin'!

I'm sorry to hear that,

But they'll give you one of those honorary things

When you get older.

Shut up. I willspray you.

Gina, this ain't right, babe.

I keep my apartment clean.

How could a mouse get in?

There could be ways a mouse could get in.

Yeah? Name one, gina.

I can't.

I don't live in a pigsty like you.

What?

I'm kidding!

Why you got to go there?

That means that's how you really feel.

No, baby! Come on.

I'll play you something.

It'll get your mind off your mouse problems.

Play something soft.

You go, girl.

Baby, you could put this on your album.

♪ Ben, the two of us could look no more ♪♪

Gina, no.

I'm sorry.

No, baby, I'm serious. I didn't mean it.

Don't be trying like you're better than me.

Oh, baby.

♪ Three blind mice ♪

♪ In your apartment ♪

No, no.

[Knock on door]

You need not be so sensitive.

Hi. Can I help you?

Child, I don't think so.

Where's that marty payne?

Oh, wow. So what's up, man?

Are you done?

I'm so done you could stick a fork in me

And it'd come out clean.

I'm finished! I'm retired!

I'm going back to england where I'll be appreciated!

Here's your check back!

Oh, man, what happened?

What happened?

That little mousy got the devil in him.

I tried everything--

Traps, bombs, and sticky paper,

A . Magnum--

Nothing worked!

He was sitting on top of your refrigerator

Eating a cheese sandwich,

Laughing at me!

Listen, save yourself!

Move and run for the border!

I'm no exterminator. What can I do?

I don't know, but I'm looking

For a new career myself.

Hey!

Ooh.

You got a nice piano here.

I've always wanted to learn how to play.

Do you mind?

No. Help yourself.

If you can get down, get down.

Whatever that...

♪ Wop bop a loo mop a lop bop bop ♪

♪ Tutti frutti oh rooty ♪

♪ Tutti frutti oh rooty ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Tutti frutti oh rooty ♪

♪ Tutti frutti oh rooty ♪

♪ Tutti frutti oh rooty ♪

♪ A wop bom a loo mop a lop bam boom ♪♪

Hey! That's not bad.

That's not bad?

That was excellent!

You just like all the rest!

You don't give nobody credit!

She was giving you credit.

What are you going to do now, martin?

I don't know, baby.

I don't even want to think about it.

Maybe I'll just stay here again.

Maybe you don't ever have to go back.

What do you mean?

I pay rent there. That's my apartment.

Well, I've been thinking, honey.

Um, you know, either I'm over there or you're over here.

Wouldn't it be easier if you stayed here...

Permanently?

Martin's got minutes before he has to k*ll this mouse by himself.

Oh, my god.

Look at my little freddie friend.

What's up, cole? How y'all doing?

Look at y'all!

Standing here looking like church ushers.

Come get my tip.

How y'all doing?

We're waiting for martin, sheneneh.

Why you got to say that with a attitude,

Like you got a problem with me, tommy?

Why don't you just barge in there like you always do?

Oh, my god!

Come here, sheneneh.

Martin's got a, um...

I knew you'd tell.

What? What? He's got a what?

Well, it's, um...

What, boy?

Shh! Don't tell her.

I know you ain't

Going to let no man "shh!" You.

Talk! Speak up!

Stop letting people "shh!" You.

If you must know,

We're helping martin catch a mouse.

A...

A what?

A mouse.

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

Oh, tommy! Not a mouse!

Tommy! Tommy, save me!

They're attracted to my perfume!

Tommy! No, tommy!

Tommy...

Get off me, sheneneh!

Ooooh!

You're so big and strong.

I never knew you was this big and strong.

Look at your head.

Give me a pucker, tommy.

No! Get down! Come on, sheneneh.

Oh! No! No, sheneneh!

[Sheneneh] ohh...tommy!

Is that a mouse in your pocket,

Or are you just happy to see me?

Tommy, I don't even want to know, man.

Cole, why are you wearing those goggles?

'Cause mice, man...

They always go for your eyes.

Where did you get that idea?

Try picking up up a book sometime.

Read, my brothers... Read.

Look, martin, what do you need us for?

Just set a mousetrap.

This ain't about the mouse.

I had to talk to my boys.

I got big problems.

She wants me to move in with her.

Why now?

I stayed two nights.

Now she don't want me to leave.

If you lose your apartment,

Where will I bring big shirley when mom's got company?

Don't look at me.

My waterbed ain't big enough

For them big girls you like.

If we catch the mouse,

You won't live with gina?

Exactly.

Ain't no mouse keeping me from big shirley.

All right.

Hey, man, hold on.

Everybody watch your eyes.

All right.

O.k.

You hear him?

Shh! Listen for him.

You hear that, tommy?

Cut on the light! He's in here.

Yo, man!

Yo, give me these chips!

Come on!

Look around.

He may be gone, man.

He's been over here.

He chewed through your telephone cord.

Damn!

Eww! He's been over here, too.

Judging by these little black things,

He ain't potty trained, neither.

I hate mice! Nasty little things.

We'll k*ll him, man.

This is the plan--

We catch him,

Pull out his whiskers,

Beat him,

And hang him in the alley as an example.

Let's go. Let's find him.

O.k., I'm with that. Let's flush him out.

Aah! Mousy!

Come out, mousy!

This ain't working. Let's set some traps.

Cole, get some cheese.

Uh, mozzarella or cheddar?

Mozzarella, cole.

Why don't you bring him some juice, too?

So, uh...

Martin, you really going to move in with gina, man?

I don't know, man.

Well, whatever you do,

Just make sure you're sure.

Remember that sister I lived with?

Yeah.

Everything was great, man,

Until we moved in together.

She turned into a prison guard.

I couldn't hang with my partners for two months.

Every night at :--

Click, click! It was lockdown, man.

Whenever a woman tries to move in, I say,

"Sure, baby. Moms could use help around the house."

To get rid of our women,

We move in with our mothers?

Works for me.

You don't get it, cole. I love gina.

I'm going to marry her someday, man.

I just don't think we should live together yet.

Why not?

Because we've only been together a while.

I want things to be right.

I want to be emotionally straight,

Financially straight.

When we hook up,

It's for good.

I want to make sure my play time's over.

The way you're talking,

It sounds like you're almost ready to get caught.

[Trap snaps]

Yo, it's him!

Protect your eyes!

We got him! Yeah!

Did we get him?

He got us. He got the cheese!

We should've used peanut butter. It's sticky.

I never heard that.

Read, my brother, read!

You know what? I don't even think

I have any peanut butter.

Well, what you got?

Ugh! Martin, get rid of these hot dogs!

You need to go shopping. You don't have anything.

Peanut butter!

Ohh!

Don't move.

You'll scare him.

Don't worry. I--i can't move.

O.k., On the count of three--

...

...

!

Oh! Get off of me!

Aah! I touched someone!

I got the rabies now, man!

There he goes! Get him!

Don't stomp him on the rug.

All right, got him. Yeah, baby.

Yeah.

Cole...

Don't move.

What's up?

It's in your pocket.

Oh, get it! Get it out, martin!

Be a man, cole!

If you panic, he'll bite you.

Now hush.

Hold still, all right?

O.k.

All right.

Bam!

All right. Whoa.

Sorry I had to kick you in your a*s.

Just turn your foot sideways next time, all right?

Hey, where'd he go?

I don't care, man.

Y'all are kicking and punching me.

I'm out!

Fine. Leave, little girl.

Why I got to be all that, man?

I was helping you. Come on!

Cole!

After what you said, I'm leaving.

Cole, cole, don't you go anywhere!

Oh, now y'all are on me, right?

No, we not the ones on you, cole.

Cole, look...

What?

You'll thank us for this later, all right?

Give me your hat.

No!

Give me your hat!

Oh! Ugh!

Oh! Ugh...

All right, I got him!

Yeah! Got him now!

You were down with gina, now I got you!

What now?

Get my bat out the closet.

I'll beat him like a piñata.

No. Let's make this as painless as possible.

I'll put him in the microwave

And blow him up!

No, martin.

If I was going out,

I'd go out with a thrill.

O.k., Cole. What's your idea?

I got this bottle rocket.

We tie it to him,

Light it,

And for five seconds

The mouse will be living large,

Then all of a sudden--bam!

Out.

I don't know about this.

Martin, give it here!

Give it here.

Tommy, don't--

Maybe we shouldn't do this, o.k.?

Oh...look at him.

Look.

Just...

He reminds me of this pet I had once.

Sweet little mousy!

Oh, look at his innocent eyes!

Martin, look-- innocent eyes.

"Little innocent eyes."

His eyes are pink, cole.

He looks like a damn alcoholic!

He's probably got a family.

Well, I hope he's got a will.

No, martin. Come on! No!

Look, this is a living creature, just like us.

It's a mouse, tommy!

We've got to let him go.

God created all creatures,

Both great and small.

This mouse has the right to live, too.

We don't have the right

To take that from him.

Amen, brother.

Martin's trying to turn us into K*llers...

Just like charles manson.

You're lucky you're my boys.

Get him out of my apartment!

If I catch him here again, I'll k*ll him!

Mousy, you go free.

Go into the world.

Go out into the world.

Be free. Be free.

Be free!

[Meow]

[Cat snarling]

Aah!

Oh!

Be free!

Martin.

Hmm?

Martin, the mouse is back.

No, it's not.

Then what's that noise, martin?

That's me. Ha ha ha!

Yeah. I knew you was up.

I was not up. You woke me up.

Mm-hmm. That's right.

Martin, you know what?

I'm glad you're awake.

Baby, baby... There's something we need to talk about.

What we need to talk about, dear?

We--

Martin--

Moving--

M...

Moving in together.

Aah!

Martin.

Martin!

Martin, get off me!

I hate you!

Wake up!

♪ ♪

♪ Tutti frutti oh rooty ♪

♪ A wop bop a loo mop a lop bam boom ♪

♪ I got a gal named sue ♪

♪ She knows just what to do ♪

Come on, now!

♪ Got a gal named sue ♪

Yeah!

♪ She knows just what to do ♪

All right.

♪ She rock to the east ♪

♪ She rock to the west ♪

♪ She's the girl that I love best ♪

♪ Tutti frutti oh rooty ♪