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01x22 - Future Pizza

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Uncle Grandpa". Aired: September 2, 2013 – June 30, 2017.*
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Uncle Grandpa is a magical shapeshifting person that stops by children's houses every day to see how they are doing.

01x22 - Future Pizza

Post by bunniefuu »

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

Uncle grandpa: good morning!

Good morning.

Good morning.

Grft: [ roars ]

Uncle grandpa: good morning.

Good morning!

Pizza steve: hy-a-a-a-ah!

Hyah! Hyah!

Hey-ooh!

Uncle grandpa: whoo-hoo!

Pizza steve, that was awesome!

Pizza steve: yeah, well, it

Took me years of practice to

Master the fine martial art

Known as, i-ta-lian karate!

Uncle grandpa: amazing.

Say, can you, like, break stuff

With your bare hands?

Pizza steve: hyah, hyah,

Hyah, hyah, hyah!
Oh, yeah.

I've broken bricks, cinder

Blocks, the world record for

Being awesome.

You name it, I've broken it.

Hy-a-a-ah!

Uncle grandpa: sweet!

Can you break my popsicle stick?

Pizza steve: you betcha.

Of course, it might be
too easy

For me.

Uncle grandpa: I've never

Broken anything before, except

Wind.

Pizza steve: hyah! Hyah!

Hya-ch!

Hyah!

Uncle grandpa: whoo!

Amazing!

You, like, totally broke it!

Pizza steve: yeah, I know.

Uncle grandpa: I've never

Seen anything like that before

In my life.

That right there is why I bring

You on all my super-cool

Adventures!

I have the most respect for you,

Pizza steve.

The most.

Pizza steve: aw, come on,

Uncle grandpa.

That was nothing.

Wait till you see my superkick!

Uncle grandpa: well, all this

Watching you work out has made

Me thirsty.

I need a water break, but I'll

Be back to see your superkick in

A minute.

Unh!

Pizza steve!

Pizza steve: uncle grandpa?

Uncle grandpa: I'm not

Uncle grandpa.

I'm uncle grandpa from the

Future.

Pizza steve: no way.

Uncle grandpa: yeah way, and

In the next 5 minutes and


Something that will totally make

Me lose respect for you.

Pizza steve: hold up, bro.

That's impossible.

'Cause you were just in awe of

My awesome karate skills.

What could I possibly do that

Would be so lame to make you

Lose respect for me?

Uncle grandpa: I can't tell

You.

That would violate time law.

Pizza steve: no, wait.

Stop playing me, uncle g.!

What is it?

Uncle grandpa: no.

I can't even talk to you right

Now.

I'm so disappointed.

[ Grunting ]

I can't believe you.

I used to respect you.

Pizza steve: oh, man.

What could I have done to make

Uncle g. So upset?

What if he doesn't let me go on

Any of his super-cool adventures

Anymore because of this?

Pizza steve's got to be out

There showing how awesome

Pizza steve is!

Don't worry, pizza steve.

You've been warned.

Just don't disappoint

Uncle grandpa, and he can't

Possibly lose respect for you.

Uncle grandpa: pizza steve,

I got an idea of how to make

Your superkick even super-er!

So, you see this target?

I want you to superkick me as

Hard as you can!

Pizza steve: all right, but

Remember -- you asked for it.

[ Laughs ]

[ Thinking ] wait.

Maybe this is what

Future uncle g. Was warning me

About.

Uncle grandpa: ready when you

Are.

Pizza steve: get ready for

The most awesome superkick ever!

Hy-a-a-a-a-a-a-ah!

Uncle grandpa: [ groans ]

Pizza steve: uncle grandpa!

Are you okay?!

Uncle grandpa: pizza steve,

How could you?

I've lost all respect for you.

Pizza steve: [ thinking ] oh,

Man.

I can't do this.

Uncle grandpa: what's wrong,

Pizza steve?

Aren't you gonna do the

Superkick?

Pizza steve: eh!

It's cool, uncle g.

I'm...a little bored of being a

Karate master.

Uncle grandpa: well, I know

Something else you can impress

Me with!

Huah! Huah!

Why don't you play me that

Awesome song you've been working

On?

Pizza steve: oh, yeah.

This one is pretty much

Certified platinum titanium.

I already have like 94 million

Preorders for the single.

Uncle grandpa: oh, wow,

Pizza steve!

I can't wait to be blown away by

Your awesome guitar-playing

Skills!

Pizza steve: blown away is

Right! Ha ha!

[ Thinking ] no, wait.

What if...


[ Guitar playing ]

Uncle grandpa: [ moaning ]

Too awesome!

[ Moaning continues ]

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah! Waaah!

Pizza steve: uncle g., Are

You okay?

Uncle grandpa: pizza steve,

How could you?!

I've lost all respect for you.

Pizza steve: [ thinking ] oh,

No.

I can't play this.

Uncle grandpa: what's wrong,

Pizza steve?

Aren't you gonna play it?

Pizza steve: on second

Thought, I just don't think it's

Ready for the public yet.

Plus, I want to rework the

Bridge, add a little slow

Allegro part and some flatted

Sharps to really ramp up the

Ending.

Uncle grandpa: oh, yeah.

I totally agree.

Speaking of ramping up...

Why don't you show me that

Awesome speed-cycle jump you've

Been talking about?!

Pizza steve: now we're

Talking.

Uncle grandpa: don't forget

Your helmet.

Pizza steve: thanks.

Uncle grandpa: oh, man, this

Is gonna be a hugejump!

I better back up.

Don't want to risk getting hit.

Pizza steve: yeah, stand back

Is right!

[ Thinking ] wait a second.

[ Engine revving ]

[ Tires screeching ]

Pizza steve: I'm going for

It!

Uncle grandpa: he really

Jumped over the sun?!

I can't believe it!

Pizza steve: awesome landing,

Huh, uncle g.?

Uncle g.?

Uncle g., Are you okay?!

Uncle grandpa: pizza steve,

How could you?!

I've lost all respect for you.

Come on, pizza steve.

Aren't you gonna do your awesome

Jump?
Pizza steve: I'm sorry,

Uncle g.

I just can't do it!

Uncle grandpa: pizza steve!

Pizza steve: leave me alone,

Uncle g.!

I can't do all this awesome

Stuff anymore!

Uncle grandpa: but,

Pizza steve, all that awesome

Stuff you do is what makes me

Respect you so much.

Pizza steve: [ thinking ]

Hold on.

Is this what future uncle g. Was

Talking about?

Fans, followers, aficionados,

Devotees -- with a heavy heart,

Pizza steve must announce that,

From this day forward,

Pizza steve has retired from

Doing awesome things!

[ Audience gasps ]

Uncle grandpa: huh?!

No! Nooooo!

Unh! Unh!

No, no!

Unh! Unh!

N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.

Pizza steve: uncle g.?

Uncle g., Are you okay?!

Uncle grandpa: pizza steve,

How could you?

I've lost all respect for you!

Pizza steve: oh, man!

What was I thinking?!

Pizza steve can't stop doing

Awesome things.

He's got to keep doing all the

Stuff you respect him for so you

Take him on your super-cool

Adventures!

Hy-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ah!

[ Panting ]

Hyazah! Oof!

[ Breathing heavily ]

Yo! Check it, uncle g.!

[ Off-key notes play ]

Whoo!

What you think of that,

Uncle g?!

None of that disappointed you,

Did it?

Uncle grandpa: disappointed?

Pizza steve, how could you say

That?!

The only way I could ever be

Disappointed in you is if you

Ever thought I could ever be

Disappointed in you!

Pizza steve: what?

But I --

Uncle grandpa: I don't want

To hear your excuses,

Pizza steve!

Pizza steve: uncle grandpa,

Wait!

Uncle grandpa: I can't talk

To you right now.

I got to go back in time to warn

You not to do this.

I can't believe you.

I used to respect you.

Unh! Unh! Unh, unh, unh!

[ Body thuds ]

[ Grunting ]

Pizza steve #2: pizza steve!

Future pizza steve here!

I've come from the future to

Give you a message.

Pizza steve: yeah?

What is it, man?

Pizza steve #2: I've come to

Tell you that in the next


Be, awesome!

Put 'er there, pizzie!

Pizza steve: yeah!

Don't you know it, son!

Yeah!

Uncle grandpa: [ laughs ]

Mustache dog!

[ Dog barks ]

Uncle grandpa: it's

Board-game night!

It's board-game night!

It's board-game night!

It's board-game night!

You guys know what tonight is?

Mr. Gus: board-game night?

Uncle grandpa: no!

It's board-game night!

Pizza steve: okay, uncle g.,

But what game can we play?

We've practically destroyed all

The other board games from

Previous game nights.

Uncle grandpa: there's still

One game we haven't played

Yet -- the super deluxe ultra

Mega fun time board game!

Its crazy cool.

Mr. Gus: uh, no, thanks,

Uncle grandpa.

Uncle grandpa: check it out!

Here, I'll go first to show you

How it's played.

[ Pop! Pop! ]

Grandpa needs a brand-new bag!

Belly bag: hey!

Uncle grandpa: 1, 2, 3, 4...

Collect $50!

[ Cash register bell dings ]

Pizza steve: are you serious?

Uncle grandpa: see?

Pretty fun, right?

Free car?!

Must be my lucky day!

[ Engine turns over ]

[ Crashing ]

So, you guys want to play?

Mr. Gus: yeah, we do!

Pizza steve: I want cool free

Stuff!
Mr. Gus: oh, yeah.

Daddy needs a new tank top.

Uncle grandpa: ooooh!

Go straight to jail.

Mr. Gus: oh, man.

Uncle grandpa: looks like

Someone got bit by the bad-luck

Bug.

Mr. Gus: [ chuckles ]

But it's just a game, right?

[ Siren chirps ]

N-no, no, no, wait!

Uncle grandpa: your turn,

Pizza steve!

Pizza steve: see ya, buddy.

Let pizza steve show you how

It's done.

Belly bag: married, three

Kids, and a mortgage.

Sorry, buddy.

Pizza steve: wait. What?!

Pizza steve can't be married

With kids!

Both: daddy, daddy!

Pizza steve: I'm still on the

Market!

This is worse than jail!

Uncle grandpa: okay, girl,

Your turn.

Grft: [ growls ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Uncle grandpa: okay,

Belly bag, you ready to roll?

Belly bag: unh! [ Spits ]

Uncle grandpa: ooh!

Looks like you're going to

Garbage land!

Belly bag: sounds fun.

[ Truck beeping ]

No. No! I was being sarcastic!

Please don't go through my web

History!

Uncle grandpa: I guess it's

My turn now!

Unnecessary surgery!

[ Pop! ]

I win!

Uncle grandpa: [ laughs ]

Mustache grandpa.