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01x02 - Tiger Trails

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Uncle Grandpa". Aired: September 2, 2013 – June 30, 2017.*
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Uncle Grandpa is a magical shapeshifting person that stops by children's houses every day to see how they are doing.

01x02 - Tiger Trails

Post by bunniefuu »

[ Up-tempo music plays ]
uncle grandpa: good morning!

Good morning.

Good morning.

Grft: [ roars ]

Uncle grandpa: good morning.

Good morning!

Wizard battle!

[ Zap! ]

You're right, uncle grandpa.

Reading
ismagical!

Uncle grandpa: that's right,

Caleb.
Now, to finish off this evil

Wizard and get you back to your

Math test.

I just need my trusty friend,

Giant realistic flying tiger.

I said,

"Giant realistic flying tiger."

[ Dolphin squeaks ]

No, I said,
"giant realistic flying tiger,"

Not "giant realistic flying

Dolphin."
[ Dolphin squeaks ]

Belly bag, have you seen

Giant realistic flying tiger?

Belly bag: I don't know,

Uncle grandpa.

I seem to have misplaced my

Eyeballs.

Uncle grandpa: I did that

Once.

Belly bag: but maybe she's

Back in the r.v.

Uncle grandpa: I got to run

Back to the r.v., Caleb.

I'll be right back.

Okay, but hurry.

Wizard battle!

Uncle grandpa: giant

Realistic flying tiger!

Giant realistic flying tiger!

Giant realistic flying tiger?

Giant realistic flying tiger?

Giant realistic flying tiger?

Giant realistic flying tiger?

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty,

Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Giant realistic flying tiger!

Pizza steve: and now to

Demonstrate my skills as a black

Belt in italian karate.

Mr. Gus: but why are you

Wearing a black belt over your

Eyes?

Pizza steve: hy-y-y-y-ah!

I guess this board is

Unbreakable.

Mr. Gus: I think you broke

Something, though.

Uncle grandpa: have either of

You seen

Giant realistic flying tiger?

Mr. Gus: yes.

She's awesome.

Pizza steve: well, she's not

Pizza steve awesome, but she's

Pretty cool.

Uncle grandpa: no, I mean

Have you seen her recently?

Mr. Gus: well, have you

Checked her room?

Belly bag: uncle grandpa,

Shouldn't you knock before

Entering a girl's room?

Uncle grandpa: oh, right.

[ Conk! Conk! Conk! Conk! ]

Come in!

Giant realistic flying tiger?

Oh, no!

Giant realistic flying tiger is

Gone!

This is terrible!

She's my best friend in the

Whole world -- right after

Belly bag, mr. Gus, and

Pizza steve.

I can't stop thinking about all

The good times we had.

Grft: [ growls ]

[ Growls ]

[ Tiger growls ]

Uncle grandpa: I miss her so

Much.

Mr. Gus: me, too.

I miss her gentle kitty licks on

My face.

Pizza steve: and I miss her

Gentle kitty licks on my feet...

Just before she licks mr. Gus'

Face.

Mr. Gus: wait, what?

Uncle grandpa: she must have

Run away.

It's all my fault.

[ Thud! ]

Mr. Gus: but you're

Uncle grandpa.

What could you have done to

Drive her away?

[ Slip! ]
Maybe it's because I wouldn't

Let her go to the rollerblading

Dimension with her friends.

Or maybe it's because of that

Time I braided her hair, but I

Accidentally braided my hands

Into her fur, and it took three

Days to get loose.

[ Thud! ]

[ Slip! ]
Or maybe it's because I forgot

To tell her "good morning" this

Morning!

[ Both gasp ]

Belly bag: how could you?!

Uncle grandpa: I guess I just

Forgot.

I'm a monster!

[ Sobbing ]

That poor, little,

Giant realistic flying tiger --

Lost somewhere out there in the

Cruel world.

If only I could find her, I'd

Tell her "good morning."

I'd tell her "good morning"

Forever.

[ Sobbing ]

Mr. Gus: don't you worry,

Uncle grandpa.

We'll help you find her.

Pizza steve: and I can

Guarantee that we'll do it in 30

Minutes or less.

Mr. Gus: we just need to

Become detectives.

[ Pop! ]

[ Film-noir music plays ]

Uncle grandpa: wait a second.

Are you wearing that pair of

Giant realistic flying tiger

Bedroom slippers I gave you for

A secret-santa birthday present?

Mr. Gus: of course, I am.

Why?

Oh.

Belly bag: we don't need to

Follow her footprints.

We need to follow that magical

Rainbow trail she leaves behind

Wherever she goes.

Uncle grandpa: that's a great

Idea, belly bag.

I could just kiss you.

Belly bag: what's stopping

Ya?

Mm...

Mwah!

Now let's hop on that magical

Rainbow trail and find out where

Giant realistic flying tiger

Giant realistic flying tiger
went.

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

All: ohh!

Whoo!

Uncle grandpa: the tanning

Salon -- her favorite place!

Uncle grandpa!

Are you here for a seasonal base

Coat?

Uncle grandpa: no, I'm just

Looking for

Giant realistic flying tiger.

Have you seen her?

You just missed her.

She just finished up her

Mystic-brown special a few

Minutes ago.

Uncle grandpa: oh, no!

What are we gonna do?

Where are you,

Giant realistic flying tiger?!

Pizza steve: the only way

We're gonna find her is if we

Start thinking like her, do what

She does, become her.

Gentlemen, to the tanning beds!

Now let's razzle-dazzle our

Nails, just like tiger.

Uncle grandpa: this is very

Relaxing.

I can see why

Giant realistic flying tiger

Would come here.

Mr. Gus: yeah, who would have

Thought my nails could look so

Beautiful?

[ Pop! ]

Shhhhhh!

[ Ka-ching! Ka-ching! ]

[ Ka-ching! Ka-ching! ]

Uncle grandpa: I wonder where

Giant realistic flying tiger was

Going, looking so beautiful.

Pet cemetery?

That must mean...

[ Thunder crashing ]

...she's dead!

[ All scream ]

She's gone forever, and it's all

My fault.

If only I said "good morning" to

Her!
[ Sobbing ]

Pizza steve: I hope I'm this

Sad when I die.

Mr. Gus: she's not really

Dead if we never forget her.

[ Sobbing stops ]

Uncle grandpa: no!

[ Groans ]

Uncle grandpa: thanks.

She's not really dead if we

Sprinkle frankenstein juice on

The ground and bring her back to

Life.

[ Glass shatters ]

[ Rumbling ]

[ Dog growls, barks ]

[ Cat yowling ]

[ Fish gasping ]

[ Hamster squealing ]

[ Pet rock growling ]

Uncle grandpa: any of you

Guys seen
giant realistic flying tiger?

Grft: [ growls ]

[ Growls ]

[ Roars ]

Uncle grandpa: it really is

Her!

What are you doing up there,

Girl?

Grft: [ growls ]

Uncle grandpa: so, you chased

A squirrel up into the tree, but

Now you're stuck because you're

Afraid of heights?

Grft: [ growls ]

Uncle grandpa: and you've

Been alive this whole time, so I

Didn't even need to use that

Frankenstein juice to raise that

Army of zombie pets from the

Dead?

Don't worry, girl.

We'll just head back to the r.v.

And get you a ladder.

媻 doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo,

Doo ♪

[ Gasps ]

[ All screeching ]

Oops.

Pizza steve: stand back,

Guys.

Lucky for us, I'm a black belt

In italian karate.

Mr. Gus: [ sighs ]

Uncle grandpa: but so are

Those zombie pets.

[ All growl ]

Hyah!

Uncle grandpa: mr. Gus!

Good morn-- [ groans ]

Belly bag: incoming!

[ Hamster squealing ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Stuttering ] n-n-n-n-nice

Black-belt zombie kitty.

[ Cat yowling ]

Aah!

[ Muffled yowling ]

Pizza steve: pizza steve's

About to rockyour world.

Hyah!

[ Splat! ]

Uncle grandpa: aah! Aah!

Grft: [ growling ]

[ Muffled screams ]

[ Growling ]

[ Roars ]

[ Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! ]

Huh?

[ Whip! ]
Pizza steve: [ groaning ]

Uh?

Pizza steve: that's what I

Thought.

[ Warble! ]

[ Cat yowling ]

Grft: [ roars ]

[ Snake hisses, screams ]

Uncle grandpa: go, tiger, go!

[ Dog growling, barking ]

[ Thwack! ]

[ Dog whimpering ]

Grft: [ growls ]

[ Roars ]

Uncle grandpa: oh,

Giant realistic flying tiger,

I'm sorry I didn't say "good

Morning" to you this morning.

I just forgot.

I didn't mean to hurt your

Feelings and make you run away.

Grft: [ growls ]

But reading is boring,

Uncle grandpa.

Uncle grandpa: if by

"Boring," you mean "magical."

Grft: [ growls ]

[ Roars ]

Uncle grandpa: so I just left

The door open, and like any

Curious animal, you decided to

Explore the earth and get lost?

Grft: [ growls ]

Uncle grandpa: well, I'm

Going to remember to keep that

Door closed from now on.

I love you,

Giant realistic flying tiger.

Mm...

Mwah!

Now, why do I feel like I'm

Forgetting something?

Uh, uncle grandpa?

Are you ever coming back?

Wizard battle!

[ Slurp! Slurp! Slurp! ]

[ Dance music plays ]

Now time for...

Uncle grandpa: let's move

Out.

[ g*n c*ck ]
keep your eyes peeled for

Grimgobs, kid.

Grimgobs?

[ Zap! ]

Uncle grandpa?

[ Zap! Zap! Zap! Zap! ]

[ Screams ]

[ Zap! ]

[ Squish! Bubble! ]

Uncle grandpa?

Uncle grandpa: not now, kid.

[ Zip! Whoosh! ]

[ Zap! Zap! Zap! ]

[ Zap! Zap! Zap! ]

[ Zap! Whoosh! ]

[ Whoosh! ]

[ Zap! Zap! ]

Um, uncle grandpa?

Uncle grandpa: not now, kid.

We have them right in their

Sweet spot.

[ Zap! Whoosh! ]

Uncle grandpa?!

Uncle grandpa: not now, kid.

We haven't dealt with

Mama grimgob yet.

[ Grimgob growls ]

[ Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! ]

[ Gasps ]

My laser pointer!

Belly bag, got any more office

Supplies in there?

Belly bag: of course,

Uncle grandpa.

[ Zap! ]

Uncle grandpa: yes!

My letter opener!

Thanks, buddy.

Now we slay this beast.

[ Warble! ]

[ Whoosh! ]

Uncle grandpa?!

Uncle grandpa: not now, kid.

I'm cracking the space safe.

All: good morning!

Uncle grandpa: nice catch.

Now, what were you saying, kid?

Thanks for taking me fishing,

Uncle grandpa.

Uncle grandpa: anytime, kid.

Aah!

What do I do? What do I do?

Do I push it?

Do I push it?

I think I'm gonna push it.

[ Boom! ]

[ Dance music plays ]

[ Laughing ]

[ Splat! ]