05x02 - Get Thee to a Nuttery

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ Lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just to
take good care of me ♪

♪ Like he's
one of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days
and our nights ♪

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days
and our nights ♪

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want, I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge of me ♪♪

Ugh.

[straining]

Ugh. Hey, Sarah.
How was school?

Fine! Just great!

Now, Sarah.
Don't try to hide it.

I have a sixth sense
about these things.

Something is bothering you.

Yes, something
is bothering me!

This!

Oh...

[clears throat]

Oh! Your school paper.

"Jamie Powell will star as
Maria Von Trapp

in the school production of
The Sound of Music."

Oh, unbelievable!

I believe it!

- You know what else?
- What?

I won the statewide essay
competition.

That's great, Sarah?
Where's the article?

I cut it out.

"Friday, school maintenance
will deodorize

the boys locker room."

Underneath that!

Oh.

Ah.

"Sarah Powell
wins essay contest."

Well, congratulations, Sarah!

That's a real victory.

It's a victory of shallow
beauty over deep thought!

Jamie got
the whole front page

and I got one little line.

Hi! Did you hear the news?

I'm starring in
The Sound of Music!

Did you ever dream

that I would get the lead
in a musical?

Well, uh, now that you
mention it, Jamie...no.

Oh, you mean just because she
can't sing, dance, or act?

[laughs]
No problem!

For Jamie they'll ignore
those minor details.

Jamie, since when have you
been interested

in the theater?

Well, since Lance Hudson was
cast as Baron Van de Kamp.

No, that, that's
Baron von Trapp.

Baron Van de Kamp
makes fish filets.

Well, I have news for you.

I've decided to try out
for the cheerleading squad.

That's wonderful, Sarah.

I mean, true you have zero
coordination

and even less rhythm,

but when everybody else
ridicules you,

I'll be proud to say,
hey, that's my sister.

Ooh!

What's with her?

- Well, um--
- Well, I'm off to rehearsal!

Oh, ha-have a good time.

- Charles.
- Yes, sir.

Have you seen my tape
measurer?

No, I haven't.

Well, where is it?

First my hammer disappears,

then my crescent wrench,
and now my tape measure.

What's going on around here?

Charles!

Charles, I just had
a near miss with death!

Have you seen
my tape measure?

Mr. Powell, this could be
serious.

Buddy, what happened?

It was horrible!

I was sniffing flowers
in Mrs. Carlton's garden,

when suddenly a hummingbird
swooped down out of nowhere!

I mean, if I hadn't ducked
when I did,

its beak would have entered
my ear, and pierced my brain

and I'd be
standing here dead!

Does it have to be
a tape measure,

or can you use a yard stick?

A yard stick will be fine.

You know,
it's true what they say,

when you're about to die,

your whole life flashes
before your eyes.

You know, that is
frightening, Lembeck.

It's bad enough watching
your life the first time.

It'd be pure hell to sit
through the reruns.

Death is an eye-opening
experience, Charles.

And it's got me to thinking
about the big question.

What's the answer?

Buddy, I already told you.

I don't know why the ranger
won't let Yogi

have a picnic basket.

Not that big question,

although that still
bothers me sometimes.

I, I'm talking about life.

What's it all about?

You know what it's
about, Buddy?
You know what it's about?

It's about me and you
going out tonight

with those two
aerobics instructors.

I don't think so, Charles.

Buddy, hey. Come on, now.

I went to a lot of trouble
setting up this double date.

And I'm not breaking it
because of some little
hummingbird.

- You don't have to!
- Thank you.

You go and have a good time

with both of those
aerobics instructors.

I've got something more
important to think about

than a date with
a beautiful, sexy woman.

Maybe he is dead.

Mommy...he's driving me...

He's driving me
out of my mind.

You know, he, he has one
little brush with death

and now Buddy looks for the
meaning of life

in everything!

He stares for hours into the
cream center of a Twinkie.

But sweetheart,
for Buddy that's progress.

Maybe he's finally
on the right track.

No, Mom. He's not
on the right track,

he's off the deep end.

He needs professional advice.

That's why I asked Father
Michaels to come over here.

- Oh, well good luck.
- Thanks.

I gotta go check my yogurt
machine.

I pressed chocolate this
morning, strawberry came out!

I wonder what that means.

Ah, oh, Father Michaels.

Thank you. Thanks for coming.

I just hope I can help.

You know, there are no pat
answers

to the meaning of life.

Well, couldn't you
just like invent one?

You know, with Buddy
it doesn't have to make
a whole lot of sense.

Sorry, that's not in the
manual.

- Oh...
- Hi! Who died?

Uh, no one. Buddy, this is,
uh, this is Father Michaels.

Sit down, Buddy. I'd like to
have a little talk with you.

Charles tells me you're
having some difficulty

trying to see where you fit
into the master plan.

Quite right, your fatherness.

You see, I, I'm convinced
that God wants me

to do something special
with my life.

But I, I just don't know
what it is.

Well, God has something
special in mind

for all of us.

[gasps]

You must look
deep within yourself.

See the answers there.

One good way to find it
is through heavy meditation.

Hey, no way. I don't even
like to take aspirin.

Not medication. Meditation!

Oh, okay.

But how am I supposed to
meditate in the dorm

with all that noise.

You know, stereos blasting,
parties going on,

people reading.

Maybe you need
to remove yourself

from those distractions.

May I suggest a week
at the monastery?

Uh, forgive me, Father...

That's what I do best.

[laughs]

Nothing personal,
I just don't think

Buddy's the type of guy
to go to a monastery.

Yes, I am, Charles!

Father Michaels is right!

I've got to get away from
the material world

to find spiritual truth!

And the monastery's
the perfect place!

Thanks, Father. I'll go pack.

Oh, uh...just one question
about this monastery.

Yes?

Do they have
any rides up there?

No.

I'm sorry about that, Father.

Me too, I love rides.

♪♪

Hi!

Oh, hi, Jamie!
How was rehearsal?

Oh, it was great.
You know, I think I was born
to be in a musical.

So, Sarah, how are
the rah-rah's going?

Well, they're not quite
as easy as I thought.

Well, really?
Maybe I can help.

Let's see what you've got.

Shakespeare, Byron,
Tennyson, Poe!

We should practice this
upstairs...

with the shades drawn.

[doorbell rings]

Woop, doorbell.

Great.

[sighs]

Oh, hello, Brother.

I don't have much cash on me,

but, uh,
perhaps this will help?

Thanks, Mr. Powell.

This, plus the money I made
at the bus stop

should just about cover my
travel expenses.

Give me my money, Lembeck.

Buddy!

I would ask why you're
dressed that way,

but that would entail
talking to you.

Buddy, you're supposed to be
at the monastery for a week,

you were only gone for a day!

Yeah, but what a day,
Charles!

It was incredible.

[chanting]

Buddy. Buddy.

Buddy, if it was
so incredible,

why'd you come back so soon?

A great honor
was bestowed upon me!

A monk who hadn't spoken
in over 30 years,

uttered his first
and only words to me.

What did he say?

He looked me right in the eye
and said,

"If you leave now,
you can keep the robe."

Oh. Oh, Buddy, I'm sorry
it was a wasted trip.

Oh, but it wasn't, Charles!

There was also this other
wonderful monk,

Brother Thomas.

He's the only person
I ever met in my whole life

that really understood me.

I mean, we stayed up
all night talking.

He showed me the way,
Charles.

Now I know what life
is really all about.

Yeah!

[laughs]

All right, I'll see
if those aerobics instructors

are free tonight.

No, Charles.

I've made a big decision.

I'm gonna become a priest.

Buddy. Buddy, listen to me.
You cannot become a priest.

Priests have to make
a lot of sacrifices.

Buddy...

You would have to give up
some of, you know,

some of your favorite
hobbies.

I don't care, Charles.

My near-death experience

made me realize
what's really important.

Oh, a tiny hummingbird flew
too close to your ear!

That is not a near
death experience!

A hummingbird may be very
small, Charles,

but it has a very long beak!

It could have pierced
my brain

and I would have
died instantly.

No, no. First it would
have to find your brain.

It was a sign, Charles.

Everyone gets a message...

in a different way.
- Oh, please.

- Brother Thomas had an angel
appear to him in a dream.
- Brother Thomas.

Brother Thomas.

Well, he had a--an angel
is a real sign, Buddy.

Did an angel ever appear
to you in your dreams?

How should I know? I haven't
been to sleep in two days.

Well, there you go, Buddy.
That's what's wrong with you.

It is?

Yeah, you're exhausted
from lack of sleep.

Now look, I want you to go
home and get some rest, okay?

Okay, I'll rest.

But then I'm quitting school
and moving to Rome.

That's where
the home office is!

Bless you, my son.

♪♪

- Hi, Aunt Lillian!
- Oh, hi Ja--

Jamie.

Ooh, I'm proud of you.

Who says
this younger generation

is a pile of garbage, huh?

Sarah's gonna be
a cheerleader,

Buddy's gonna be a priest,

and you're hanging out
with nuns.

Thanks, Aunt Lillian,
but they're not real nuns.

See, we're doing
The Sound of Music
for our class play.

Oh, well...that's okay,
I'm proud of you anyway.

Artificial nuns are better
than no nuns at all.

I'll go find some artificial
holy water.

I don't know! I don't know!
Maybe I'll eat meatloaf!

No, meatloaf doesn't sound
Catholic!

What do priests eat?

Fishloaf!
Yeah, fish loaf and wine!

Wait a minute, your mother
doesn't serve wine!

What kind of
a heathen place is this?

- Buddy! Buddy!
- I'm so confused!

Buddy! You're out of control.
Sit down.

I told you to get some rest.

I tried, Charles, but it was
too noisy in the dorm.

I hate it there.

I can't wait
to become a priest,

so I can start having fun.

Buddy, listen to me.

Priests have fun,

but it's not the kind of fun
that you're used to having.

I mean,
to them it's fun, but...

for you it would be
unfun fun.

Maybe I am jumping the g*n
a little.

I mean, maybe I wasn't meant
to be a priest.

If all they have is un-fun
fun then what's the point?

Oh, he's finally
listening to me.

♪♪

You call that un-fun fun,
Charles?

That's exactly
the kind of fun I'm used to.

This is the sign
I've been waiting for!

- No! No, Buddy! Wait!
- It's the sign!

Buddy, Buddy it would--
Buddy! Buddy!

It would be a sign if they
were dancing on water.

You're right! Why doesn't an
angel come to me in a dream?

I'll never get a sign!
To heck with it!

I'll just be
a signless priest!

Goodbye, Charles!

Buddy, wait! Just do me
a favor, all right?

Just take a deep breath and
relax for one second, okay?

Good. Thank you.
Look, look at me.

I want you to look at me, I
want you to do me a favor.

Okay? I want you to stay at
my place tonight, okay?

This way you'll have one
night of uninterrupted sleep.

- Okay?
- Well...okay.

- Thank you.
- Okay.

- Good.
- Okay.

- All right.
- Okay.

All right!

- Okay, I'll get some sleep.
- Thank you.

Hi, Charles.

Did you meet the girls
from the play?

♪♪

The play?

Buddy wants
to become a priest

because you're starring
in a musical?

What's your problem, Charles?

My-my problem
is that I had Buddy

talked out of the priesthood
when the Pointer Sisters
over here blew it for me!

Now I only have one night
to turn him around.

So, what are you gonna do?

I don't know.

He's looking for some kind
of sign or something.

Jamie, did anyone ever tell
you that...

you look like an angel?

Shh!

I still don't understand
why you want to talk Buddy

out of being a priest.

I mean, what's wrong
with being a priest?

There's nothing
wrong with it, Jamie.

It's a very noble calling.

I just think
it's calling the wrong guy.

Now don't you think
it's a little late

to start worrying about
Buddy's future?

I'm not worried about
Buddy's future.

I'm worried about the future
of an entire religion.

Now, don't fight me on this.

Do I have to list all the
favors I've done for you?

No, just the one
you're gonna do for me

this Saturday night.

Now, I'll help you

if you extend my curfew
by two hours.

And you call yourself
an angel.

All right, you've got a deal.

- Okay.
- Turn around.

Ooh, ooh! Ow!

- Ow!
- Ooh!

Ow! Watch my head.

Wait wait wait wait.

Shh!

Oh. Ohh!

All right.

Is he still sleeping?

Yes, he's still sleeping.

Buddy.

Buddy.

Buddy.

What's goin' on?

Buddy, I am an angel.

You've been expecting me.

Tell me, why do you
want to be a priest?

Well...

because I know what it feels
like to be ridiculed

by people...

...just for being different
and not having anyone
to turn to.

So if I became a priest

and people could turn to me
and I would understand.

Well, Buddy. I've come
with a message for you.

You must become a priest.

[mouthing]
What?

Will you please tell me why?

Why would you
tell Buddy to be a priest?

Well I couldn't help myself,
Charles! I'm sorry!

Buddy really
touched my heart!

Well, I gotta go.
I have to go to rehearsal.

Charles, I have a problem.

I've learned that
I can actually change

the direction of my life.

That makes me really happy.

You call that a problem?

No. The problem is,

now that I've changed
the direction of my life,

I'm not happy.

[doorbell rings]
Oh. Well, um...
Excuse me, Sarah.

Charles,
that angel convinced me.

I'm quitting school
and becoming a priest.

- Charles!
- One, one second, Sarah.

Buddy...

Buddy.

Bud-dy.

Sarah, Buddy is the man
to help you with your problem.

- Buddy?
- Buddy?

Absolutely. You see...

you want to change the
direction of your life, right?

Well, Buddy here happens
to be an expert on that.

- Buddy?
- Why not?

Buddy, when you
become a priest,

you're going to have to help
hundreds of people

in your church.

Now if you can't solve
Sarah's one little problem,

well then, you're obviously
not cut out for the cloth.

Okay, I'll do it.

Now, I'll leave you two
alone.

Sarah my child...

I know what you're going
through.

Life is very strange.

It's normal for a hummingbird
to suck on a hibiscus.

But it's not normal

for a hummingbird
to fly up a person's ear.

I see!

In other words, each of us
has a purpose in life!

We do?

What you're saying is,

we mustn't try to alter
our destiny!

Hey, this is terrific!

I can't believe I'm giving
such good advice!

This above all,
to thine own self be true.

I'm incredible.

Oh, thanks, Buddy!
I feel so much better.

Charles?

Excuse me!

Buddy convinced me

that I don't have to be
a cheerleader to be popular!

Cheerleaders
are peppy people,

but not all peppy people
are particularly popular,

and not all popular people
are particularly peppy!

Do you think I need to be
peppy to be popular?

No, no.

No, Sarah. Pep isn't peculiar
to popular people.

I myself prefer a person
with a pleasing personality

to a person
who pretends to be peppy.

Right!
I don't need to be peppy.

I just need to be me!

Oh, thanks again, Buddy!
You solved my problem!

Maybe he's only stupid
when I'm around.

Buddy, what, what exactly did
you say to Sarah?

Oh, um. Let me see.
It's been a while...

Something about...

"My own elf be blue?"

"To thine own self be true?"

That's it! That's it!

Those words meant
a lot to me, Charles.

I see it all
very clearly now.

It-it would be a mistake
for me to become a priest.

Did you learn that
from your own words?

No, I learned that
from your words.

I mean, you said that
as a priest,

I could help
hundreds of people.

Well, if I can help hundreds
of people as a priest,

I could help millions of
people as a TV evangelist!

Not, not to mention all
the money I could rake in!

Buddy, hey...
watch your motives.

Cause somewhere out there,

there's a hummingbird's beak
with your name on it.

Oh yeah. I forgot.

But Charles, if I don't
become a priest

or a TV evangelist,

then I'm right back
where I started from.

What about that angel?

Well, that, that, that angel,
uh, wanted you to do what...

you told Sarah to do.

You know,
just try to be yourself.

Yeah, I can do that!
I can do that!

Then I can just go back
to my original plan

and stay in college...

for the rest of my life!
- Thank you. Smart move.

All right, Adam! Freeze!

All right, you.

All right, I want to know
what you're up to.

Uh, it's just a project
I've been working on.

Buddy's been helping me
with it.

Buddy?

Oh!

Well, I'm very impressed,
Buddy. That's very nice.

Right. Now I've got
to get to the backyard.

All right, Adam.
Just take out two minutes

and tell me
what this project is.

I don't have
two minutes, Charles.

If I'm not out there
in 45 seconds,

the garage is gonna blow up!

The garage is going to blow
up in 45 seconds, Buddy?

He's kidding, isn't he?

Well, ac-actually,
if he accidentally connected

the red wire
to the black button,

I'd say that 45 seconds
was a pretty good estimate.

Are you nuts?

What are you--
You helped Adam make a b*mb?

Don't you understand, boy?

Don't you understand
anything?

That if that thing blows up,
Mr. Powell's not gonna blame
Adam, he's gonna blame you!

Nuh-uh!
He's not gonna blame me!

He's gonna blame you.
After all, you're in charge.

♪♪

What didn't go off?

[all]
Uh... Uh...

My alarm clock.

It, it loses
two minutes a day.

But that just means
that it will go off...

two minutes later
than we thought it would.

That means
it's gonna explode...

Hold it, hold it!

What's gonna explode?

[all]
Uh... Uh...

My hummingbird.

What are you talking about?

Uh, well, sir if... [stammers]
the riddle of life.

We've solved it.

If you don't set
the alarm clock of life,

then your hummingbird
of happiness won't explode.

Unless the hummingbird's
in the garage.

I don't want to hear this.

We don't want you to, sir.

What? What?

What? What?

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days
and our nights ♪

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs,
and our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want, I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge of me ♪

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪♪