04x05 - Yesterday Cafe

[bunniefuu]

[♪

[♪ ♪

[♪ ♪ ]

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ Lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just
to take good care of me ♪

♪ Like he's one
of the family ♪

♪ Charles in Charge ♪

♪ Of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in Charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I see, I want ♪

♪ Charles in Charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in Charge ♪

♪ Of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in Charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I see, I want ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ Charles in Charge of me ♪ ♪

- Son of a...
- Ah, there it is!

Mr. Powell,
can I borrow my typewriter?

Not now, Charles!
I'm writing my Congressman.

I'm gonna stop them from

cutting the size
of the U.S. Navy.

Sir, the thing is,
I have a deadline.

You see, uh, Professor Krick
is taking over the...

Stop everything!

Charles,
I came by to warn you.

Professor Krick is taking
over the Education Department.

Lembeck, what has that got

to do with
the size of the U.S. Navy?

Well, uh, I guess it'll

make it bigger because
once Krick takes over,

all the Education majors will

flunk out
and have to join the Navy!

- Yeah, uh...
- Was I right?

[clears throat]
I'm gonna finish this letter

after he's gone.

Uh, don't sit down!

Charles, I came by
to tell ya change your major.

I had Professor Krick
for English last year.

Believe me, he hates you!
- He doesn't even know me.

Doesn't matter.
He hates everybody!

- Oh, please.
- Hi, Buddy!

Don't talk to me, talk to him!

Tell him to go
change his major.

Hey, Charles!
Change your major.

I'm busy, Anthony.
What do you want?

Oh, I'm supposed
to meet your mother here.

Oh, I seriously doubt that.

My mom's not
coming over here today.

How come you never believe me?

Uh, because 90 percent
of the time you lie.

She is coming over.
Wanna bet on it?

Yeah, five bucks!

Never mind. I wouldn't
want to take your money.

Forget it.

[chuckles] Anthony,
come here for a second.

Let me ask you something,
do you think you're dealing

with a child here, huh?

You tell me you don't want
to make a bet to make me
think you're lying,

so I'll want to bet, which
means that you do want to bet.

Which means that you're
probably telling the truth!

- Wanna bet?
- Okay, five bucks!

Five bucks says that my mom
is not coming over here today.

But if you win, I'll bet you

ten bucks that you lie
before you leave this house.

- Before I leave this house?
- Yeah.

- It's a bet.
- Okay.

Anthony, darling,
I'm sorry I'm late!

Hi, Charles!

You win, Anthony.

- Anthony!
You're not gambling.
- Uh, no, Auntie Lillian.

Charles and I were just,
uh, playing a game.

Yes! And he just lost it,
ladies and gentlemen.

He should have left
the house before he said that.

Oh, that's nice.

I'm glad to see
you two playing together.

Charles, I've got good news!

You're gonna be so happy

when I tell you
what I bought today.

You got tickets to Acapulco!

No, sweetheart.

Mom, come on, when you gave up

the lease
to Sid's Pizza Parlor,

you promised me that you
were gonna take a vacation.

I don't have time
for a vacation!

I just put a
down payment on Phil's Diner.

Why, Mom? You just got out
of the restaurant business!

Owning the pizza parlor
made me happy.

Owning Phil's Diner
will make me even happier!

I'm gonna turn it into
an authentic 1950's diner,

just like the ones
they had when I was a kid.

I'm going to call it
The Yesterday Cafe!

Oh, hey, Ma, if it'll make you
happy, it'll make me happy.

But do me a favor, okay?

I'm up to my ears
in school work.

Can ya hold off
on the re-decorating

until I'm done
so I can help you?

Oh, sweetheart, thank you,
but I don't need your help.

Why do you think
I have Anthony?

I don't know, I just assumed

an old gypsy woman
put a curse on you.

Charles, be nice!
Come on, Anthony.

Goodbye, Doodlebug!
- Goodbye, Doodlebug!

[Krick]:
And it is not Mr. Krick!

It is Professor Krick!

Your son is flunking out
and that is final.

Tough day?

Not really.

Charles, I read your paper

stating on why you want
to become a teacher.

Oddly enough, it's not bad.

Thank you.

I'm gonna give you
some practical
teaching experience.

Oh, I-I would
appreciate that, sir!

Professor Lindquist has two
football stars who are

in danger of failing
his Remedial History class.

Understand?
- Uh, yes, sir!

You want-you want me
to help them.

Wrong.

I want you to find out

how little they know and then
make up a test they can pass.

Professor, that sounds
a little unethical.

Not unethical, political.

If the dean finds out
those boys fail,

he'll kick them off the team.

- Well, he should!
- Wrong, again!

The Alumni Association
does not want them
off the team.

That is why you have to make

up a test that we can
be sure they can pass.

Now, here are their names.

Uh, Professor, I could,
uh, I could tutor these guys

until they were able to pass
legitimate history test.

Charles, I want you to follow

my instructions or I will
make your life a living hell.

Would you like that?

No, sir.

It's tough enough
living in Jersey. [chuckles]

Ah, humor!
I hate humor.

Good day, Charles.
- Funny guy.

I heard that!

After tutoring you men
for two weeks,

I can say that
we made some real progress.

I'd like to say
that the worst is over.

And I would say that,
if you ever got here on time!

What are you,
a chair-leader? [laughs]

The guys I'm tutoring

were supposed to be
here at six o'clock, Buddy,

and it's seven-thirty.

So? Follow
Professor Krick's orders!

Give them the easy
history test

they can pass and get
rid of them.

I can't do that, Buddy.
These guys are not dumb.

They just need
to be motivated.

Charles,
they're football players.

They're only motivated by the

sight of blood
and the smell of raw meat.

Why are you here, Buddy?

I thought you were helping
my mom re-decorate
the new diner.

I am! I did!
I'm done!

And if you're weren't so busy,

you'd know that the
grand opening
is tomorrow night.

She can't do that.
I have a class tomorrow night!

- Yo!
- Yo!

Hey Charles, your yo-yo's
are here. [laughs]

Hi, guys!

Charles, can I
borrow your chainsaw?

Hey-hey, put that man down!

Don't ever do that
to me, again.

Why not?

'Cause it makes
my underwear bunch up!

I'll wait upstairs.

- And out!
- h*!

All right. Now we know
you can, uh, pass the ball.

But can we pass this test?

All right, now it's-it's
not gonna be easy,

but if we pull together,
you guys will ace it!

All right, now it's
gonna cover post

World w*r Two America
starting with the Korean w*r.

What is it, Adam?
- Grandpa's looking for me!

Well, he's not down here.

I know, that's why I am.

Hi!
I hope I'm not interrupting.

Oh, what do you need, Jamie?

I was just,
um, looking for Adam.

You found him.

Don't let her
kid you, Charles!

She heard you had
football players.

Adam, Grandpa wants you.

All right, look everybody,
come on, everybody upstairs.

All right, guys, I'm trying
to conduct a study group.

I need some privacy,
thank you!

All right, now the Korean w*r.

[Lillian]:
Charles?

Excuse me.

I just wanted to tell you that

tomorrow night is the
opening of The Yesterday Cafe!

Be there or be square.

Uh, Mom, I've got
a class tomorrow night.

Could you move
the opening to Friday?

Oh, no, sweetheart, I'm sorry.

I've already put
an ad in the paper.

Don't you worry,
you get there when you can.

Right. Just peep
anytime you like, Mom.

My window never closes.
All right! The Korean w*r!

- Hey, time's up!
- Hup.

Great class, Charles!
See you tomorrow.

Guys, you have to start
getting here on time, okay?

If you don't, there's no way
you're passing this test!

Ah, relax, Charles!
We'll pass.

We're football stars.

You guys don't understand.

I have to give you
a real test.

A tough one.

Now, why would you
do a stupid thing like that?

Because you guys
are not stupid people!

Now look, you-you
busted your buns

to get a
football scholarship, right?

Now, if you pass up
this opportunity

to get an education,

you're gonna regret it
for the rest of your lives.

And if this test is too tough,

you'll regret it
the rest of your life.

Oh, Anthony, this place
is great!

This place is beautiful.
This place is empty.

It's your fault, man!
You missed the grand opening.

The joint was packed.

There must have been

- Really.
- Yeah.

Oh, Charles.

Did Anthony tell you
the bad news?

Not ten people
came in all night.

You lied again, Anthony!

I didn't lie.
I'm just not good at math.

- Not even ten people, Buddy?
- Charles, nobody came.

I can't believe it. Why not?
This place is great.

I know.
Look at the menus.

They're made from real

And look inside.

You can get Sha-Boom Burgers,

Tutti-Frutti-Well-All-Rootie
Ice Cream,

and Blue-Suede-Shoe
String Potatoes.

The soup of the day
is Don't Be Gruel!

Hi, Mom. I'm sorry I couldn't
get here any earlier.

My class ran late.
This place is great!

I-I just wish
the opening had gone better.

Ah, honey, don't worry.
You know the old saying.

"An empty diner is just a
full diner with no customers."

As soon as some
popular kids come in here,

everyone will come.

You'll see!
Oh, it's a customer.

Ah, Professor Krick.

Out for a bit of fun
tonight, sir? [dry chuckle]

I lost my head, I'm sorry.

Charles, your football players
told me I'd find you here.

And as of this moment,
you have no football players.

I'm taking you off their case.

- I'm-I'm just
getting started!
- And I'm stopping you!

I warned you, Charles,

but you insisted on trying
to teach the unteachables.

Professor, they can be taught.

I mean, everybody's too eager

to write them off
as dumb jocks.

All they need is a chance.

All right, Mr. Know-It-All.
I'll make you a deal.

You can give your
athletes any test you like.

- Thank you.
- But, if they fail,

I'll have you
booted out of the college.

I don't like you.

Poor Professor Krick!

He doesn't know who he's
talking to, does he, Charles?

I mean it, I know you,
once you make your mind up,

nothing can stop you
and I know

exactly what you're gonna do.

So do I, Buddy!

I'm gonna give those two guys

the easiest test they've had
since kindergarten.

- Uh, you can't do that.
- Oh, yes, I can.

If you think I'm getting
thrown out of college

because of a couple
of dumb jocks, you're nuts!

[clears throat]
In 1950,

North Korea
invaded South Korea.

Now,

who invaded South Korea?

Buddence?

- North Korea?
- That's right!

Very good, Buddence.
And-and when was it done?

South Korea!

Not who, when?

I hate this class!

Charles, why are we
doing this?

I told you, Adam,
this is the test

I have to give
those football players.

I have to make sure
it's not too hard.

Oh, it's not
too hard, Charles.

It's too easy.

I know, that's
the point, Sarah.

If these guys want
to play football,

they have to pass
this history test

and these guys don't
want to learn any history.

Who does?

Face it, Charles,
history is yesterday's news!

I don't see why
anybody has to learn it.

Because "those who
do not learn from history,

are doomed to repeat it."

Sarah's right.

Just like Charles' mom made

a big mistake
by buying that diner!

So, let's learn
from this mistake.

Let's not buy a diner.

Instead, let's go
help Charles' mom.

- Good idea!
- I'll see you later.

Charles, I know your professor

said if the football players
flunk, you flunk,

but I never heard
of such a stupid test.

I can't believe
you'd give up this easily.

I did not
give up easily, Sarah.

It took a lot of threats
from Professor Krick.

- Charles, your mom's here!
- Hi, Mom.

Hello, Sarah.
Hello, Charles.

Well, The Yesterday Cafe
has been empty all week.

You were right.

I was a fool to buy
another restaurant.

Maybe I should just
give up and sell the place.

I don't believe this!

First Charles gives up,
and now you give up.

Whoa-whoa, Sarah,
those football players

gave up way before I gave up!

That's why I gave up!

That's the problem.
Everybody gave up!

Whenever I have a problem,
you always say,

"don't give up," but when

the chips are down,
you give up.

So I never want to hear
"don't give up"
again from people

who give up
because when you give up,

I give up and I
don't want to give up!

Oh, what's the use?
I give up!

I don't think she wants
you to give up.

I know, Ma.
The trouble is, she's right.

No, I-I am not gonna
give up, no way.

These guys are gonna learn
history whether they
like it or not!

You're right.

You don't give up,
I don't give up.

Our family is known for the

fact that none
of us ever gives up.

What about Uncle Louie?

He had to give up.
The F.B.I. had him surrounded!

[Charles]: Hi, guys.
- Let's get this
show on the road, man!

All right, look,
we've got a lot to learn

and very little time
to learn anything.

Goodbye, Mom.
- Bye-bye.

Now this test is going
to be very tough.

Oh, man.
I thought you wised up!

I did wise up.
Now it's your turn.

You guys are gonna start
learning history.

Charles, history is dull!
The Korean w*r was dull.

The '50s were dull.

Excuse me, the '50s
were not dull!

And neither was
the Korean w*r!

The '50s were wonderful!

We had Elvis Presley,
hula hoops, sock-hops!

The Cuban Revolution, Sputnik,
The Cold w*r!

And other fun things.

I'll take it from here,
Mr. Powell.

Hootenannies!

Hootenannies.

Yeah, we'd all get
together and sing folk songs.

Ah, it was fun.
It was wonderful.

It was exciting.

It was...You had to be
there, all right?

- Mom, you're right.
- What?

You had to be there!
That's the answer.

- What was the question?
- You had to be there.

[both]:
Oh.

- Hi, Mom.
- Oh, hi, Charles!

The boys are here early today.
- Yeah, I know!

I'll go put them
through the drill.

You've been drilling
them for days.

You're a sl*ve driver.

They're really starting to get
interested in the '50s, Mom!

You're the one who said
you had to be there.

This is your plan.
- Okay, I am a sl*ve driver.

Please give these to the boys.
- sl*ve driver.

Uh-huh.

- Here ya go, men.
- Hey, yo, Charles.

Your mom's place
is great, man.

- I know.
- We should have
all our classes here!

All right, here we go.
[clears throat]

Ah, what year was the
Soviet Invasion of Hungary?

- 1956!
- Right!

Yeah!
All right!

[winces] Ah-ha, whew!
Okay!

Uh, [clears throat] who was

Eisenhower's
Secretary of State?

Steven Foster!

Wrong, John Foster!

Uh, it's close, but no cigar.

Jodie Foster?

No, i-it's right here
under the ketchup stain.

John Foster Dulles!
- That's right.

[both]:
All right.

Did it again!

Okay kids, I'll meet you
in the back as fast as I can.

- Buddy, this is so stupid.
- This is not stupid.

It's for Aunt Lillian.

All right, let's get
back to Marilyn Monroe.

[chuckles]
No, we already spent

too much time with Marilyn.

Let's keep moving.

Um, all right, when were
The Army-McCarthy Hearings?

Oh, get it together, guys!

You remember Edgar Bergen
and Army-McCarthy.

Come on, guys,
we studied this!

The Army-McCarthy Hearings.
You know it.

All right, men,
I'll check the other menus,

you check the wall.

Charles, why are you
busting their buns?

I thought you'd given up
on these dumb jocks?

I changed my mind, Buddy.
They're not dumb jocks.

- 1954!
- That's right.

Now, the important thing is,
you have to remember that!

'Cause you're not going to be
taking your test in the diner.

Now, why don't you guys
study your menus?

I'll be right back.

He's right, we're not
taking the test in the diner.

This is too tough, man.

We're not gonna
be ready by tomorrow.

We're gonna flunk this test
and get booted off the team!

And worse than that,
you're gonna flunk this test

and Charles is gonna
get booted out of college.

What?
Why is he doing this?

I don't know,
he's a crazy man.

He told me you weren't

a couple of dumb jocks
but I stuck up for ya!

I told 'em you were.

Underwear, underwear.
Watch the underwear.

Oh, Mom, Mom!

This great!
The place is packed!

Oh, your plan for
the diner worked!

You had Eugene and Victor
here all last week.

Girls go where
the football players go,

boys go where the girls go.

You're a genius!
- No-no, Mom!

You're the one who said once
a few popular people
came in here,

everybody would come in here!

That was your idea.
- I'm a genius!

Yes, you are.
[chuckles]

Hey, men!
You take the test, huh?

Yeah, it was rough, Charles!
It was a monster.

All those questions.

I didn't mind the questions.

It was the answers
that threw me.

Attention,
ladies and gentlemen.

Attention!

Lillian's Yesterday Cafe

proudly presents
direct from 1957,

Buddy and the Powellettes!
[cheering]

[lip-synching]
♪ Ah-la-la ♪

♪ Little darlin' ♪

♪ Little darlin' ♪

♪ Oh, where ♪

♪ Are you? ♪

♪ Well-a ♪

♪ That my love, ah ♪

♪ La-la-la-la ♪

♪ Was just ♪

♪ For you ♪

[harmonizing]
♪ Only you ♪

♪ My darling ♪

♪ I need you ♪

[harmonizing]

♪ To call my own ♪

♪ And never do wrong ♪

[harmonizing]

♪ Please hold my hand ♪

♪ Know well-a ♪

♪ That my love ♪

[harmonizing]

♪ Was just ♪

♪ For you ♪

[vibrato]
♪ Only you ♪

[harmonizing ♪♪]

- Uh-oh, here's trouble!
- Ah, Professor Krick!

Can I, uh,
can I find you a seat?

Only if it's
in another restaurant.

[chuckles]
Humor.

Charles, I came by to tell you
that your two athletes passed.

They passed?

Yes, you were lucky
this time, Charles.

Your problem is, you just
don't know when to give up.

I can't help it, sir.
It's the way of my people!

[chuckles]

Charles, close your eyes.

Now, just try to imagine

how little I care
about your people.

Hey, Charles!

Was I great or what?
- You were great, Buddy!

So were Victor and Eugene.

That wasn't Victor and Eugene!
That was Jamie and Sarah.

Let's go talk
to Jamie and Sarah.

Guys! Uh, [clears throat]
I got some news for ya.

You did it!
You passed!

[both]: Yeah, all right!
Whoa! Aah!

[♪♪]

Come on, Walter.
It'll be fun.

You'll enjoy it!

It's not fun and I won't
enjoy it!

Come on, Mr. Powell,
just try it.

I'm not gonna try it.
I don't want any part of it.

All right, but you don't know
what you're missing.

[The Diamonds:
"Little Darling" ♪]

[lip-synching harmony]
♪ Ahh ♪

[lip-synching]
♪ Little darling ♪

♪ Little darling ♪

♪ Oh, where ♪

♪ Are you ♪

♪ Ooh-ah ooh-ah ooh-ah ♪

♪ No well-a ♪

♪ That my love-ah ♪

♪ Was just ♪♪

♪ Charles in Charge ♪

♪ Of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in Charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I see, I want ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ Charles in Charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in Charge ♪ ♪