02x23 - Baby Doll

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ Lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just to
take good care of me ♪

♪ Like he's one of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing
I want Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing I want ♪

♪ I want Charles in charge
of me ♪♪

Charles, why are you upset?
I hate it when you're upset!

I find it very upsetting!

My mother sunk every penny
she had into Sid's Pizza Parlor,

and the place is losing money!

If she loses Sid's
she'll have nothing.

I thought you said
she hired a new chef.

She did. The best pizza chef
this side of Naples.

So, that's good!

Buddy, nobody knows
she hired a new chef.

She only has
nine hundred dollars

in her budget
for promotions.

Well, that's bad.

No, that's good,
because I talked her
into giving me the money

so I could run an ad campaign
for her.

Is that bad?
- No, that's good, Buddy.

She doesn't know anything
about advertisement.

I do!
I took a course in it!

That's good!
- No, that's bad.

Because if I don't come up
with a good idea soon,

she's gonna take the money
and spend it on a bad idea.

What are you men
up to today?

Hello, sir.

Mr. Powell,
can I ask you a question?

If you were running
an ad campaign

for Sid's Pizza Parlor,

would you take an ad out
in the local paper

or in the school paper?

Neither one.
Nobody reads anymore.

Mr. Powell, the papers
are full of ads.

Tax write-offs, Charles.

If you want people
to go to Sid's,

you gotta find a gimmick
to draw the crowd.

Then word of mouth
will do the rest.

How will that first crowd
know we have a gimmick?

Put an ad in the paper.

He is right about one thing
though, Buddy.

We do have to come up with
some kind of gimmick.

Something that'll bring people
into Sid's Pizza Parlor.

I got it!

"Free pizza at Sid's!"

You don't make money
by giving pizza away!

You do if you charge
thirty bucks for a soft drink.

I know what happened now.

You put your brain
under your pillow

and the tooth fairy took it.

Some kind of gimmick.

I need something new,
something...

Oh! Oh, I got it, okay!

Uh... "Sid's Pizza Party!

Grand opening
under new management."

Okay, even better, even better,

"Sid's Pizza Party,
under new management,
grand opening,

big name entertainment!"

What? We only have
nine hundred dollars.

Okay, that's two hundred
dollars for the advertising
in the school paper,

two hundred dollars
for the decorations,

and five hundred dollars
for the big name
entertainment.

You can't get a big name
for five hundred dollars!

I can!

As a matter of fact, I think
I can get The Pointer Sisters.

No, really!

There's this guy
that owes me a favor,

and it just so happens
that there's a guy
that owes him a favor,

who used to be
the ex-road manager
for The Pointer Sisters.

Buddy...

...try to stay in the same
zip-code as reality, okay?

The grand opening
is a good idea,

but we can only afford
a good local group, you know?

Charles, at least let me try
for The Pointer Sister.

And then if it doesn't work
we'll do it your way, okay?

All right, fine,
but do me a favor.

I wanna keep this a secret
from my mom, okay?

She won't know how good
this idea is,

and she'll take the money
from me and blow it.

I- I want this to be
a surprise for her.

How can we advertise it
and keep it a secret?

Buddy, my mom doesn't read
the school newspaper.

And don't tell anybody
in the family, you got it?

I got it!
- Okay.

Hey, you guys are here!

Charles, you know my friend,
Lisa Taylor.

Buddy, this is Lisa Taylor.

Girls...

...if there was to be
a grand opening at Sid's,

and the Pointer Sisters
were there...

...would you come
hear them sing?

Sure!
- Yeah, when is it?

I didn't say there was
a grand opening,

and besides I don't even know
if I can get
The Pointer Sisters,

but there's a very good chance,

because there's a guy
that owes me a favor,

and he has this guy
that owes him a favor...

and- and he-
ow, ow ow!

Hi, sweetheart.
Hi, hon.

I can't stay,
but I got good news.

I met a man
who has a great idea

on how to spend
my advertising money.

For five hundred dollars,
he'll rent me a blimp.

A blimp?
- Yeah!

Mom, that's a lot of hot air,
you know?

You put me in charge
of advertising,

trust me, okay?

I do trust you, sweetheart,
but I haven't seen any ads.

Mom, timing is everything.

I know, that's what
my creditors say,

they want their money.

You know, maybe
we oughta forget
this advertising campaign.

No, Mom, you have to spend money
to make money.

I thought you had to make money
to spend money.

With my plan you will,
I promise, okay?

Okay, all right.

Charles, I'm counting on you.

Hi!
- Hi, bye.

Charles.
- Yeah?

Jamie keeps calling me
a male chauvinist,

and it's getting me mad!

What's a male chauvinist?

It'a guy who thinks men
are better than women.

Well they are!

They're better
because they're stronger.

Well that's not quite true,
Adam.

You see, women are
constitutionally stronger
than men,

that's why they live longer.

But they can't be stronger
than men.

You don't see women
playing football
for the Chicago Bears.

Maybe that's why they
live longer.

Hey Adam.
Charles, Charles.

I've got some great news.

Did you get The Pointer Sisters?

No, but it could have gone
either way.

Here's the good news.

I think I can get
The Smothers Brothers.

No, really!

A friend of mine is a friend
of the Smothers Brothers'

mother's brother's
other brother!

[doorbell rings]
Jamie!

Buddy, we got a bigger problem
than that.

These decorators
charge a fortune.

Lisa, Tammy, come in!
- Hi Jamie.

Did they get
The Pointer Sisters?

Of course not.
Go ahead, Lisa.

Charles, Buddy,
this is our friend Tammy!

Charles, you're the one
with the mother
and the pizza parlor.

And the grand opening?

And the life
that's an open book.

Very nice meeting you, Tammy.

Buddy, we need more money
for decorations, okay?

That means I'm gonna have to
get the Smothers Brothers
for less money.

Will you face the facts?
You're not gonna get
The Smothers Brothers.

I told you, all we can afford
is a good local group, okay?

♪ I want you to be
everything to me ♪

♪ Then I know
you'll feel infatuation ♪

Thank you...

...that was very soothing.

Charles, I know you have
a lot on your mind,

so why don't you let me
worry about the
entertainment.

Thank you, I have to find
a decorator.

I wonder if I can get
just one Smother Brother.

Just be one Brother... Smother.

No, that would just be one...

Forget it, I'll just get
The Smothers Brothers
and cancel one of 'em.

[slurping]

[blowing bubbles]

Oh hey, Charles,
I've got some great news.

I couldn't get
the Smothers Brothers,

but I think I can get
The McGuire Sisters.

They were very big
in the fifties

so they'll bring in kind of
an older, wealthier crowd.

Don't you feel better?

No, Buddy.

We don't have
The McGuire Sisters,

all we have is an ad
in tomorrow's paper that says,

"Saturday Night,
Sid's Pizza Party,

Grand Opening,
Under New Management,

Live Entertainment."

But, Saturday night,
that's tomorrow!

I got a full-page ad,
it cost me two hundred dollars.

The other seven hundred
I made into a cashier's check.

I'd better get busy on
The McGuire Sisters.

And if they b*mb out
on me,

I'll get The Doobie Brothers.

The Doobie Brothers,
The McGuire Sisters,

The Pointer Sisters,
The Smothers Brothers...

Do you have some kind of
sibling psychosis?

Why don't you just hire
the entire Osmond Family
and get it over with?

Charles, we can't hire
the entire Osmond Family,

we only have
seven hundred dollars!

Five hundred, I need two
for decorations.

Why don't you ask your mom
for some more money?

Are you nuts?
My mom's on my case
about this money already!

And I can't say,
"Mom...

I need some more money
for your surprise party."

And there won't be
a surprise party

if we don't have any
live entertainment.

Okay, I get the point.

I'll hire a good act
by tonight.

I'm gonna put this
in the cash register

before my mom finds it and
does something dumb with it.

Oh, Charles, sweetheart,
I've got great news.

I can rent a billboard
for nine hundred dollars.

Give me the money,
I'll go make the deal.

Billboard?

No, Mom, they clutter
the landscape.

I spent all the money
on newspaper ads,

which can be recycled
back into the environment!

Well...

What's done is done.

Charles, take these packages.
- Sure, Mom..

[cash register rings]

Buddy, what are you doin',
takin' money out,
or puttin' money in?

Uh... I forgot to pay
for the soda.

I got some pennies.
We can use some change.

Put them in...

What's this?

It's a letter.

Buddy, there's your letter.

Oh, thanks, Charles,
there's my letter.

There's no name on it.

That's because
he's going to address it,

right before he mails it,
right Buddy?

Well, I better get goin'.
- Okay, bye, Mom.

[cash register rings]

Buddy, what are you doin'?

A tip!

I didn't leave a tip.

I forgot to get cash
to pay the telephone bill.

Bye, Mom, okay.

I better be going!
See you guys later.

Mom, can you drop me off
at the house?

Sure.
- Thanks.

Aunt Lillian,
who do you like better?

The McGuire Sisters
or The Doobie Brothers?

Um... I give up.

So do I!

Too much junk food.

♪ ♪

Vinnie, let me talk
to my people,

and I'll get back
to your schmutz.

Call me, we'll do Easter.

Ciao, babe.

Charles.
- Yeah.

I can get us a musical group

for less than
two hundred dollars.

Who is it?

Vinnie and the Slime.

Not even if they paid us,
Buddy.

Hey guys, I hear
you need a decorator

for your surprise grand
opening!

Maybe she read the ad.

The one that comes out
in tomorrow's paper?

So, did you guys get
The Smothers Brothers?

No, we didn't get
The Smothers Brothers.

We didn't get the Ritz Brothers,
the Wright Brothers,

the Marx Brothers,
or even Doctor Joyce Brothers.

Charles!
- Yeah?

I know why women live longer
than men!

Why, Adam?

It's because men
do all the work

and women just have babies.

Adam, having a baby
is not easy!

It is for men!

[laughs nervously]

Adam, I hate to tell you this,
but most women

can do anything just as well,
if not better, than men.

All right?
Now, get out of here.

Charles, maybe we could help you
with the grand opening!

Oh, no thanks, Sarah,
that's a man's job.

Jamie, your girlfriends
are here.

Lisa, Andrea, Tammy, hi!

Buddy, this is our friend,
Andrea!

I heard all about
the grand opening.

Did you guys get
The Smothers Brothers?

No way!

Very nice meeting you, Andrea,
excuse us.

Listen, buddy, forget about
Vinnie and the Slime, alright?

We need someone else, okay?

♪ You need someone else ♪

♪ I try being her ♪

♪ But you want
someone else ♪

♪ What makes you
feel this way? ♪

Thank you.

I've got the perfect band!
Rock Bottom!

Ooh! Get 'em, okay?

I'm gonna try and get
a decorator.

[all]
Aaww.

Charles! Charles!

Guess what! Rock Bottom
will play at the party

for four hundred
and fifty dollars!

Hold this over here, Buddy.

I found a guy that's gonna
build a bandstand

and decorate this place
for two hundred!

That's great!
- go back, go back.

There's just one little problem.

The leader of Rock Bottom
doesn't believe

that I have
four hundred and fifty dollars.

Big deal, show him
the cashier's check.

Okay, just give me the check
and I'll do it right now.

What do you mean give it to you?
You have it.

No, Charles,
you have it.

Buddy...

When my mom was here, you
took the check out of my hand...

...and then you left.

No, I put it on the counter,
then I left,

then you put it
in the cash register
after your mom left.

I didn't put it
in the cash register,
I left with my mom!

[both]
Oh!

[cash register rings]

Buddy, it's a cashier's check,

it's seven hundred dollars,
Buddy!

Anybody can cash it!

It's gone and I'm dead!

I told you, Buddy,
the money's gone.

It's history.

It's a cashier's check
and anybody can cash it.

Cashier's check.

Charles, you're putting a damper

on the whole
grand opening tonight.

There's not gonna be
any grand opening,

we don't have any money!

Hi guys!
- Hi.

Gentlemen, this is our friend,
Jemma!

Hi!

You're the ones
having the big grand opening

at Sid's Pizza Parlor.

Did you get Rock Bottom?

No, but we've hit rock bottom.

We have to find somebody else
to play there now.

Charles, you don't look happy.
- Really?!

Maybe that's because
the universe
is crumbling around me,

and my life right now
is that greenish scum

that you normally find
under rotting logs.

Yeah, well I wanted
to talk to you,

is this a bad time?

Yeah, maybe later.

♪ I don't think you realize ♪

♪ what you do to me ♪

♪ Nothing more than
close to you ♪

♪ I'd rather be ♪

[both]
Thank you.

It's weird,
it's like living in an opera.

None of these girls talk,
they just sing.

Well, tonight's the big night,
huh?

Lillian's grand opening?

We have one minor problem.

We lost the seven hundred dollar
cashier's check.

So, what are you gonna do?
- What can I do?

What you can't do is quit!

Never give up the ship,
Charles!

Have that grand opening!
Find a way and do it!

He's right, Charles!

We can do it!

We can pool our resources!

I have twenty dollars!
How much do you have?

Nothing.

Okay...

Okay, that makes a total of...

...twenty dollars!

That's ten dollars
for decorations,

and ten dollars
for the entertainment.

I'll book that guy we hired
for last year's Christmas party.

Oh, not that guy that plays
the kazoo with his nostrils.

Hold it,
this is getting grotesque.

I'll tell you what.
I'm gonna help you!

How?

Beats the heck outta me.

♪ ♪

Adam! Sarah!

On the double!

Jamie, Charles, stay put.

Sit down.

Kids, we're having a crisis.

Charles lost the money
his mother gave him

for the grand opening.

Now, the Powell family
has always stuck together

in times of emergency.

And we've come
to think of Charles

as a member of the family.

He needs our help!

And if we pitch in,

we can make this grand opening
a huge success!

Now, what do you say?

No way!

Perhaps I didn't
word it properly.

We've been trying to help him
all week, Grandpa.

He just wasn't interested.

Yeah, I offered to take charge
of the decorations,

and he said it was a man's job!

I kept inviting girls over
to sing for him,

but he barely listened.

Andrea, Tammy and Jemma have
a really good singing group.

They have a backup band
and everything.

He just didn't care.

sure, because they're girls.

Wait a minute, it has nothing
to do with them being girls.

The fact is...

...you guys are very young!

Sexism and ageism?!
- Right!

Wrong.
I needed professional help.

Professional? You put Buddy
in charge of entertainment!

He needs professional help!

Well, Buddy's my friend.

Sure, your male friend.

Now, I know a lot of guys
preach equality,

but when the chips are down
they don't practice it.

I'm not one of those guys.

If that's the way I came off,
I apologize, okay?

Okay, this is
getting us nowhere.

Maybe I should
make my speech again.

Kids, we're having a crisis.

Charles, I'll help.
- Me too!

Jamie?

Well...

...he is like one of the family.

Okay.

Okay, let's go
buy those decorations,

and get Sid's ready
for inspection, huh?

Jamie...

Thanks.
- You're welcome.

So, is there anything special
that one member of the family

would like from another
member of the family?

Well... if one member
of the family could get a...

...particular
bunch of girls to...

...sing at a grand opening...

...another member of the family
might be grateful.

Grateful, huh?
- Mm-hmm.

i think I can arrange it.

I can't pay 'em, you know.

I know, they'll understand.

Hey, Jamie.

I owe you one.

No.

[general chatter]

Thanks.
- Oh, thanks!

I can't believe it.
My own grand opening.

you did all of this
for nine hundred dollars?

Less than that.

Charles, Buddy and I
built the stage.

Adam helped but he couldn't
drive the nails in straight.

It k*lled him
to ask for a girl's help.

Jamie helped?

No, Jamie only does
her own nails.

[both laugh]
Sarah helped him.

Jamie and Sarah did
all the decorating.

Well, they did a wonderful job.
I just hope all this works.

Mom, it can't miss.

Once these people taste the
pizza that new chef is making,

they're gonna spread the word
all over town.

May I have your attention,
please?

Ladies and gentlemen,
right here,

right here on our stage,
really big shoe,

the new singing sensation
that Sid's is proud to present,

Baby Doll!

[applause]

[upbeat music ♪]

♪ Oooh ♪

♪ Ahhh ♪

♪ Tell me if it's really love ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You put a spell on me ♪

♪ And you know
what you're doin' ♪

♪ But before
this goes too far ♪

♪ I wanna know
are you foolin' ♪

These girls are
really good!

Charles, are you paying them
what they're worth?

That's impossible.

I- I mean, they're terrific,
aren't they?

♪ But now I realize ♪

♪ that true love
is so hard to find ♪

♪ Tell me if it's really love ♪

♪ Tell me, baby ♪

♪ Could it be the real thing ♪

♪ given' me this feeling ♪

♪ ♪

Charles, there's a paper
in my pizza.

What?!

Wait a minute,
this isn't a paper!

It's your check!

Seven hundred dollars!

I can't believe this!

Charles, what are you
paying them?

Seven hundred dollars, Mom,
I got the check right here.

by any chance,
is the new chef near-sighted?

Yes, how did you know?

Just a shot in the dark.

♪ ♪

[applause]

Adam, aren't you gonna help us
clean up?

That's woman's work!

I'm telling!

Girls, who needs 'em?

We do, Adam,
because they keep us civilized.

You see, men are
inclined to be rude,

and violent,
and barbaric.

Whereas women are soft
and gentle.

Adam, you little parasite,

get to work before I
punch your lights out.

I see what you mean.

Poor kid,
I feel sorry for him.

It must be tough
taking orders from a girl.

I wouldn't know, personally.

When a woman asks me
to do something,

I only do it
when I feel like doing it.

Right now, for instance,

I feel like sweeping!

♪ ♪