01x17 - Primate Fear/Francis' Last Straw

[bunniefuu]

[singing]
♪ StuGo ♪

♪ StuGo ♪

♪ StuGo, StuGo, StuGo ♪

♪ StuGo ♪

♪ StuGo ♪
[laughing]

[singing]
♪ StuGo ♪

♪ StuGo ♪

[echoing]
♪ StuGo ♪

[♪ epic music playing]

I am...

Bakey Potatie!

-[soft gasp]
-[chattering]

[Bakey grunts, laughing]

-[fish screaming]
-[splashing]

-[groaning]
-[Bakey] Ha, it's mine! [cackling]

-[straining]
-Hey.

-[screaming]
-[groaning]

[chattering]

[door slams]

Thank you.

[loud pounding]

You're going away
for a long time, Mr...

Bakey Potatie.

You got anything
to say for yourself?

I want a lawyer.

-[slams]
-Don't say another word!

Don't say another word.

I've never lost a case in over six weeks
of pretending to be a lawyer.

Losing is for losers.

Law is for winners.

I'm Merian
the Maritime Hammer

and I never lose!

[grumbling]

[♪ tense music playing]

You're going to be okay,
Mr. Potatie.

With my paralegal Francis
and I on the case,

we'll have you
free by lunchtime.

Thank you, Merian.

[shakily] I am...
eternally grateful

for your belief
in my innocence.

[chuckles] Save your sob story
for the stand.

All that matters is what those


[shouting] When I say "inno,"
you say "cent."

-Inno!
-[all] Cent!

-[Merian] Inno!
-[all] Cent!

-Hello.
-Chip?

Doctor Lullah, I thought
Mr. Okay was your lawyer.

No, he's busy recording
his fitness podcast.

"Blast Your Biscuits."

Today we're gonna focus
on blasting your arm biscuits.

Now follow my breath.
[inhales]

But I'm not worried.
This trial is a farce.

Here comes the judge now.

-[helicopter hovering]
-[Chip] Ooh, chopper!

So cool.

[bot]
Run "court.exe".

[clears throat]
Your Honors,

I call Bakey Potatie
to the stand!

[audience murmuring]

Mmm... Mr. Bakey Potatie.

You've been accused of
destroying the Mutant Beach

and eye-lasering
its inhabitants.

Do you deny these allegations?

-I cannot.
-[all gasping]

Oh, wow. Okay.

Um, the end?

But why, Mr. Potatie?

Why did you attack
the mutants?

[sighs]
Your Honor, noble jurors.

I was not always a laser-eyed space chimp.
[chuckles nervously]

I was once a kind-eyed
land chimp.

Until one day,

Doctor Lullah placed me

-in her experimental rocket.
-[baby Bakey whining]

-She launched without remorse...
-[blasting]

...hurtling into the cosmos.

There by the baleful
radiation of the moon,

-I was irreparably twisted.
-[screaming]

-[sneezing]
-[yelps]

My lawyer's shirt!

Curse these space sneezes.
[sobbing]

-[all] Aww...
-[mutant] So sad.

There, there, Mr. Potatie,

So would you say that your bad behavior
is Doctor Lullah's fault?

[muttering]


-[all gasping]
-Oh, wow.

Call me to the stand.

-I-I call Doctor Lullah as a witness.
-[audience murmuring]

[whispering]
I know her.

That's a very nice story.

But where is the proof?

I know everything
that happens on this island,

and I've never seen
this chimp in my life.

-[mutants murmuring]
-[Chip] Booyah!

What do you say to that,
Merian?

Doctor Lullah, how do you know everything
that happens on this island?

Oh, no!

There are cameras
absolutely everywhere.

So then it stands to reason
that there would be

video evidence of the launch?

[all murmuring]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Y-y-you just... [stammering]

Your Honor, I'd like to request a recess
to review the tapes.

[bot]
Oh Kay Do Kay.

Why did you let me
talk about the cameras?

-Uh...
-I want a new lawyer.

Oh, pick me, pick me.
Pick Pliny.

Ugh, fine.

Yes!
[straining]

[♪ pensive music playing]

Bingo.

Did you find the tape
of the launch?

No.

Okay, keep looking.

If we can find video proof

-of Lullah launching Bakey...
-[Mr. Okay] Blastin' it.

...this case is as good as...

Can you please do that
somewhere else?

Oh, I wish.

I used to record
my podcast outside,

but all the rocket launches
were ruining them.

This is the only place
with good soundproofing.

Well, can you try
to talk more quietly?

Hey, this is a hot mic.
Talk about biscuits or get out.

Bingo again.

You found it?

Mmm-hmm.

[squealing]

Great news, Bakey.

We found the launch tape
that will prove your story.

Oh, thank you...

[sneezing]

[whining] No...

No! My accursed space sneezes.

Darn Doctor Lullah!
Darn the moon!

-[slamming]
-Darn the world.

No, no, no, don't.
Don't say that, Bakey.

It's not your fault.

But without the tape,
I might actually not win.

You must not give up, Merian.

When you told me not
to darn the world just now,

it changed my life.

You believed in me
when no one else did.

And I still believe in you.

[sighs] Thank you,
Bakey Potatie.

But it doesn't matter
what you believe.

It only matter--

[whispers] It only matters
what those 12 dummies believe.

We're still gonna win.

-[grunts]
-[♪ Francis humming a tune]

[♪ tense music playing]

Mr. Mutant, have you been
subjected to Doctor Lullah's

so called "experiments"?

Young Miss, Do you have eyes?

[all murmuring]

[scoffing]

And what was it that
Doctor Lullah did to you?

She filled
my tongue with water.

[stifled chuckle]

[all murmuring]

[Merian] Could you please
state for the record

what Doctor Lullah did to you?

[long leg mutant]
Made my legs long.

[all murmuring]

Doctor Lullah has a history
of reckless experimentation

and this pattern of behavior

Is what led her to launch
my client into space.

Allegedly!

Hey, new lawyer. Do you
wanna do something here?

[clears throat]

I call Larry to the stand.

All I know is I've always
had tons of fun with Doctor Lullah,

and she's never done
any weird experiments to me.

-[all] Aww...
-That's sweet.

We're losing the jury.
Do something.

Shh... shh, shh, shh,
shh, shh, shh.

Could the witness please
show us all his ear?

No. Your other one.

[chuckling]
I understand.

No, your other one.

[chuckling]

I understand.

[jury clamoring in shock]

[exasperated]
Boo-yah.

[bot] Order, order,
order, order!

[yelps]
Careful, he's sensitive.

No further questions.

[all booing, clamoring]

Sorry.

This time tomorrow,
you're going to be a free chimp.

I'm so good, we didn't even
need that old launch tape.

Speaking of launch tape,
here's the launch tape.

-You fixed it!
-W-Wait, wait!

You said it yourself,
w-we don't need the tape.

We're going to win anyway.

Yeah, but this will
really rub it in.

[Francis] Oh, look,
it's Bakey Potatie.

Boom...
boom, boom, boom, boom!

Ah! Oh, no! Ah!

Kaboboom! La la la,
boom boom boom!

[Francis mocking
Bakey's chattering]

[high-pitched shout]

[♪ dramatic music playing]

Achoo.

[gasps]
Your whole story is a lie.

You were a jerk before
you went to space.

But now no one will know,
thanks to you.

Okay, But at-at least you
learned your lesson, right?

It's not like you're
gonna go crazy again.

I can do whatever I want,

now that I've got
a winner on my side.

Congratulations, counselor.

[crooning happily]
Ooh, ooh, ah, ah, ah.

Oh my gosh!
What have I done, Francis?

-What should I do?
-[Mr. Okay] Blastin'--

Say that again.
I was blasting my biscuits.

Wait! [gasps]

[muttering]
Blast your biscuits.

Blast your biscuits,
blast your biscuits...

Blast your biscuits,
blast your biscuits,

-Blast your biscuits, blast your biscuits.
-[muttering] We've got it.

Pliny, you're just
a terrible lawyer.

-[throat clearing]
-Hmm?

Is that a biscuit?

-[yelps]
-Blast it...

Episode 18.

-Merian?
-Nope.

[Merian] In conclusion, there is
no evidence to support Doctor Lullah.

And if there is no evidence,
there is no case. Thank you.

-[mutants chattering]
-Yeah, pretty good sign...

[crooning happily]
Ooh, ooh, ah, ah.

[Pliny] I have evidence!

[♪ stunning music playing]

[sputtering]
A podcast?

What does a podcast
have to do with anything?

It's from the day of
the launch, presumably.

It is! Mr. Okay recorded
the launch by accident.

[Mr. Okay in audio]
And blast, and blast...

[mutants clamoring,
punching in audio]

[Bakey] I'm Bakey Potatie!

Now that I've punched you all,
I'll take this rocket!

-To be clear, I'm Bakey Potatie!
-[alarm sounding in audio]

-[thud]
-That doesn't prove anything!

How do we know you didn't just
f-f-fake the recording?

My client is right.
To prove it,

you'd need some kind
of listening expert.

-[Marien echoing] Listening expert...
-[gasps]

[clamoring, smashing in audio]

-[Bakey] I'm Bakey Potatie! [chattering]
-[phone clicks]

The voices are
a perfect match.

-[all gasping]
-He's guilty.

No! It's a lie!

I'm Bakey Potatie!

[shouting and chattering]

[screaming hysterically]

-Ooh, get some!
-[shrieking]

[♪ sinister music playing]

[shouting in shock]

[screaming in panic]

[bot] M-m-m-mistrial.

Thanks for the hot tip.
You did the right thing.

[sighs] I lost my first case,
but that's okay.

Because the real winner
today was justice.

I'll never let winning
get in the way

-of ethics again.
-[gavel banging]

[bot] Next case,
Island versus Sara.

[Sara] I did everything you said and more
than you think.

Don't say another word.

That's, mmm...

my client!

It's not possible!

Oh, it's possible.

Hit it!

[alarm beeping]

[Doctor Lullah] I've created the darkest
coffee in the known universe!

I present... Oof!

The Black Hole Roast!

-[vacuum sucking]
-[Mr. Okay exclaiming]

Biscuits.

Time for phase two.

Phew, rowing's hard work.

Y'all mind
if I take my shirt off?

For the last time, yes!

We're here.

[all] Sandbars!

[clears throat]
I claim this land

as the Democratic
Republic of Plinada.

-Greetings from Sarasafras.
-Meritania!

Chiparagua,
a shoal of warriors.

I'll stand here.

Larrytown,
home of the umbrella.

Hey, I lugged that out here.

The umbrella belongs
to Chiparagua.

[Larry]
Keep your shirt on, Chip.

-[Chip] That's a low blow.
-[Pliny sighs]

-[boys bickering]
-Conflict, inevitable in any world.

Unless we work together.

-You don't mean...
-Who wants to play Geoplomacy?

[all cheering]

[Larry] Yes, I'm in!

[fist squeaking]

What's on the agenda,
Meritania?

First up is a trade dispute
between Sarasafras and Larrytown.

My national shell
is the Strombus,

and you got a honkin'
Strombus right there. Gimme.

Now that I know
you want it,

I've never wanted
it more in my life!

I motion that Larrytown
trade the Strombus

for Sarasafras's
evil-looking driftwood.

-[♪ eerie music playing]
-[ghostly whispering]

All in favor?

[both] Aye.

Very good. Next we have

Chiparagua debuting
their anthem and traditional whip dance.

[grunts]
C-H-I-P-A-R-A-G-

I-U-A-U-A-E-A-E-A!

[panting]

-Yeah, pretty good.
-Okay, wow, yeah.

Oh, Francis. I don't think I caught
your country's name.

[Francis]
I'm not playing.

What? No, we're all playing.

Oh, you can be France.

[chuckles] That's funny.

I shouldn't play Geoplomacy.

Not after the last time.

[people screaming in head]

Is it because your island
doesn't have any resources?

Here.

Now you've got
something to trade.

Just think about what your nation
wants and we'll come back.

[♪ ominous music playing]

So be it.

Okay. The Strombus
flow is secured,

the umbrella rotation
has been ratified,

and the Juice Redistribution
Act has been passed.

I motion to officially form
the United Sandbars.

-All in favor?
-[all] Aye!

[echoing thud]

Nay.

Huh?

I motion to dissolve
this parliamentary body,

and all sandbars submit
to my island's rule.

Aye.

Are... you actually
going to drink those?

It's unbelievably
dangerous and unstable.

I'm not stupid.

Now, drum!

[drumroll]

[grunts]

[chuckles smugly]

[Mr. Okay
exclaiming in horror]

[screaming]

[rumbling]

[air rushing]

[all screaming]

[♪ dire music playing]

Did anyone bring water?

The island had the bathroom.

We're out of straws out here!

We have to eat each other.

[indistinct bickering]

Order! This is
no time to panic.

We can survive together
as the United Sandbars.

-Who's with me?
-[all] Aye!

Nay...

[Pliny grunts]

Nay...

She could have
just turned around.

That's the kind of confidence
we need to survive out here.

Wait!

Sarasafras submits
to France!

[seagulls squawking]

Okay, these are all
our nations' resources.

Not much in the way
of sustenance.

Paprika from Chip's
emergency spice wallet

and the juice boxes.

Pliny?

[♪ tense music playing]

She'll come back once
she realizes we've got the goods.

All right, everyone.

I can tell
blood sugar is low,

so I motion you may each
take a couple of sippies.

Uh, motion to first establish
what the United Sandbars

considers to be
a standard sippie?

[grunts]
Can't get this open.

Where are the straws?

[♪ tense music playing]

-Can I row?
-Motion denied.

Greetings. I'm a diplomatic
envoy from United Sandbars,

offering you a lucrative
trade deal.

Thirty minutes under the umbrella
for the straws.

That's all you've got?

Um...

Uh, 40 minutes
under the umbrella

and some papa-rika
for the straws, huh?

[chuckles] All right,
that's more like it.

[Francis] No deal.

Uh, Francis.

We don't have
any food or shelter.

This is actually pretty good--

They can have the straws
when they submit.

-What?
-Pliny, we are running out of options.

I want to take it.

Absolutely not!

Two straws minimum!

Sarasafras,

please expel the envoy.

What?

[whispers] Sorry.

[grumbles]

[♪ tense music playing]

I think that's the last
of the condensation.

This is about more
than straws now.

This is about the preservation
of the United Sandbars.

And not dying. Right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If Francis wants to play rough,

we can play rough.

[♪ tense music playing]

Whew!

It's getting kinda
hot out here.

It's not too late to negotiate
for some more umbrella time.

In fact, I bet you
we could squeeze

even more
out of those nerds.

No more talking.

[sighs] Sorry, sorry, ma'am.
I'm so sorry, so sorry...

[sinister chuckling]

We gotta stop her!

What do we do, Francis?

That's not my name.

[gasps]

[♪ cheery music playing]

Time for some
standard sippies.

-Yes!
-These look fine.

Ow. I wouldn't do that.

Come to join
the United Sandbars, Sara?

You have to give
these straws back

and pray she forgives you.

What do you mean?

You don't know what
you've unleashed?

She played Geoplomacy
at her old school once,

-and it changed her.
-[siren blaring]

She didn't negotiate.

She toppled other nations one by one,
until she ran the world!

She went crazy
for Geoplomacy.

After that, Francis got banned from every
Geoplomacy Club in the country.

No way, I-I would
have heard of her.

She went by a different
name back then.

"Bad Francis."

[all gasping]
The Bad Francis?

She swore to never play again,

but you wouldn't take
no for an answer!

And now she's on the warpath
to get our straws back.

-Give me those.
-Are you gonna give them back to Francis?

No! The United Sandbars
won't be intimidated.

You can fight,
but my advice is to flee!

[shouting and grumbling]

Sand fleas?

I knew you would flee,
so I flea'd you.

[all screaming in panic]

She's so cool.

[♪ menacing music playing]

Return France's straws
or I will destraw you.

I don't have a straw,

but how about
unlimited umbrella time?

[Larry whimpering]

[♪ menacing music builds]

Argh, you can have all
of my Strombuses, please!

Take 'em, it's yours!

Please, my shoes.
Take my shoes!

No, my spice wallet...

[wailing]

[♪ intense music playing]

Okay, g*ng,
we're the United Sandbars.

We can still win.

We don't have
any more sandbars.

-Why don't you just give her the straws?
-No way!

I gave up my spice wallet
to survive.

We have to compromise.

[♪ pensive music playing]

Ugh, fine.
You guys are right.

It's time to admit defeat.

You're doing
the right thing, Pliny.

Chip, take off your shirt.

[♪ intense music playing]

[Francis] Have you come
to finally surrender?

[fist squeaking]

You think you've
outmaneuvered us.

You have all the resources
and all the juice.

Um...

Why isn't she giving
Francis the straws?

But I know you've been eating
out of Chip's spice wallet.

-[Chip] Argh, Pliny!
-[Merian] What the heck are you doing?

[Pliny] You must be
getting mighty thirsty.

[slurping and popping]

And we still got the straws.

Which means...

if you want sippies,

you have to join
the United Sandbars

and let us all on your island.

-[gasping]
-Is she really gonna pull this off?

Keep the straws.

Wha...?

You're gonna need them
to breathe underwater.

[♪ sinister music playing]

Are you crazy?

Crazy about Geoplomacy.

Bad Francis.

[panting]

[Mr. Okay grunts]

No more coffee!

-Yes!
-[all cheering]

I win.

[♪ closing theme music
playing]