01x01 - Legitimate Summer Camp/Dog Eat Dog

[bunniefuu]

[narrator] Somewhere in the Caribbean,

six overachieving middle schoolers

have been selected to attend
an exclusive summer camp

for the nation's brightest young minds.

StuGo!

[all] Wow!

[all] Whoa!

Gah! I can't hold in
my excitement any longer!

The invitation said

this was the most prestigious
summer camp in the world!

-Stop it.
-I know.

I can't believe I've never heard of

"World famous funky genius Dr. Lullah."

By the end of this summer,

scholarships will be applying to us!

[all cheering]

-Whoa!
-We're here.

[Sunil grunting and straining]

Don't say I didn't warn you!

[Pliny] Warn us about what?

[Merian] He didn't warn us.
He didn't say anything to us.

Hey, guys! Look!

[narrator] They head toward
a state-of-the-art

volcano-side laboratory,

giddy for three months of learning!

[Chip] Ooh! Y'all feel giddy?

[Merian] That's exactly how I feel.

[narrator] Under the tutelage
of the mysterious genius, Dr. Lullah.

[Pliny] Oh! We're here!

Hurry! Gotta make a good first impression!

Ooh, you only get one of those.

[clears throat] Dr. Lullah,

it's an honor to meet... you.

Children.

[all kids screaming]

-[continues screaming]
-[Mr. Okay] Jeez.

Oh, calm down!

This is just my
mutant assistant, Mr. Okay.

[Mr. Okay] Hi.

[stammering] Mu-mutant?

Ha! Anyway, where was I? Oh!

Welcome to Dr. Lullah's
Legitimate Summer Camp.

-[all] Whoa!
-[all gasp]

[Larry] Custom beakers!

Old tape!

Oh, those are big ol' crabs!

Informational pamphlets!

[Dr. Lullah]
Don't touch those! Summer camp's this way.

Dr. Lullah, this place is amazing!

Yes, yes, it's all very impressive.

Now, this contraption
has been giving me trouble.

[♪ dramatic music playing]

[whirring]

[powers down]

[sighs] Fix it.

-What is it?
-Crime laser.

-[all] Crime?
-Regular laser.

Oh, phew, regular laser.

Okay, cool.

Well, you can count on us, Dr. Lullah.

We won't fail you!

Why didn't I think of this sooner?

[whirring]

Here's to free labor!

-[Pliny] And done!
-What?

-It works?
-No. But we found the problem.

-Your crystal blew out.
-So, it doesn't work.

You failed.

Come again?

-You failed!
-[slow-mo screaming]

All right. That's camp.
You tried. Get off my island.

-But we just got here!
-No, no, no, no!

Whoa, whoa, wait! We can still fix it!

We'll get you another crystal, huh?

Oh, please, these crystals
don't grow on trees, you know,

they grow on rocks!

Specifically, they grow
on a fallen meteorite

that's embedded all the way

on the other side of the island.

The path there is wildly unsafe.

Six little nerds could never make it.

Dr. Lullah, pardon my sass,

but we didn't do anything wrong,

so we can't go home as failures!

Sure you can.

[all scream]

[Merian] I can't believe it.

I've never failed anything before.

[crying]

-[Pliny] Oh, don't worry, Merian,
-Huh?

We haven't failed yet.

We haven't?

Because I took an informational pamphlet.

This thing's got a map.

It shows a path straight to the meteorite.

Dr. Lullah thinks we can't make it? Ha!

I say we go get those crystals,

show her what we're made of

and get back in this summer camp!

-[Chip grunting]
-[tearing]

[grunting]

You really think a team of nerds

can make it across a hostile landscape?

We need a warrior if we want
any hope of surviving this journey.

As the tallest and oldest of the group,

I submit myself for this glorious burden.

Okay...

But I will have to renounce my nerd name

in order to do so.

Once a creature of the mind,

I've become a being of the body.

Drewnipper Hedgemaze is no more.

[both] Drewnipper Hedgemaze?

Call me...

Chip...

Manhands.

Okay. Nice to meet you, Chip.

Does anyone else have anything
they wanna abandon?

Oh, oh, yeah, me! [grunts]

[giggles]

All right, as I was saying,

we've never failed anything before,

and we're not going to start now.

We're A-plus people with...

with big brains and... and--

Feline musculature.

-Dexterous cello fingers!
-Gimme that flag.

And I packed orange slices.

We can't fail!

Now let's get that crystal!

-Crystal! Crystal!
-Crystal! Crystal!

[narrator] And so, six nerds set off
to salvage their summer camp.

[Chip] Hm, some old rock boat.

The pamphlet says that
this is the unpassable pass.

There isn't anything that I can't pass.

[grunting]

[creature growling]

[muffled screaming]

[screaming]

-[all screaming]
-[Sara] It's a big ol' crab!

[Pliny] The unpassable pass,
passed! A plus!

[♪ upbeat tropical music playing]

[giggles]

[screaming]

Watch this, baby!

Saved Larry! A plus!

Hmm. I don't know if this is to scale.

Ugh, let me see.

Enough jawin', bookworms.

Chip's about to milk this pig.

-Chip, Chip, Chip, Chip, Chip!
-[heavy breathing]

[exhales]

Okay, I see...

some old palm boat.

-[roaring]
-[screaming]

[beeping]

[growling]

[indistinct shouting]

[all screaming]

[screaming resumes]

[all groaning]

[screaming]

Pliny, where's the map?

Get us out of here!

Ah, uh...

[sucking through teeth] I lost it.

[sighs] We are failures.

[narrator] The children
thought their summer camp was lost.

-What?
-But I know where the crystal is.

-You do?
-What?

Oh, yeah!

-It's close.
-Can you show us?

I would love to, but
this guy's eating me, so...

-you know...
-Mr. Shark?

Can you let the fish go, please?

-Uh... nah.
-Please!

Give me the flag, Pliny.

Oh, okay.

-I'm not gonna drop the--
-Ow!

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Sara! Sara! Sara! Sara!
Sara! Sara! Sara! Sara!

-Giddyup, giddyup!
-Yes, ma'am. Hup! Hup!

Hey, sorry I lost my cool back there.

Nah, don't mention it.

It's just hot out.

These orange slices
will cool you right down.

-Okay for now, Francis.
-No, thanks, Francis.

Mm. Mm.

I like the rinds.

Behold, the crystal meteorite.

[all kids] Ooh!

Pliny! We made it!

A plus, baby!

[Merian] What?

[all exclaiming]

It's hot.

Are you guys clueless or what?

I mean, you didn't know
about the Lake of Lava?

Everybody knows

about the Lake of Lava.

Jeez, oh, you kids are fast.

I know. I'll throw
Larry's hand at the island.

Perfect spiral. So nice.

And he'll grab some crystals
and then I'll pull them back.

No, he'll get burned.

It's okay. This hand's already
[blows raspberry] busted.

No, Larry.

Lava is the end of the line.

[sobbing]

[Chip] That is the saddest
dance I've ever seen.

We failed. I'm sorry, g*ng.

I really thought we could do it.

Hey, we are still gonna get that crystal.

It's just gonna take
a little rocket science.

[♪ upbeat techno music playing]

We're poppin' off!

We would have worshipped you as queen.

Yeah, I know.

I'm coming with you.

All right, team, it's coconut time.

[all] Merian! Merian! Merian!

[all screaming]

[Pliny] We're gonna make it!

Where are the brakes on this thing?

-Oh, no!
-[Larry grunting]

Whoa!

-Aah!
-Give me your money.

[all exclaiming]

[all] Larry! Larry!

[all] Whoa!

[gasps] The crystal!

We got it, g*ng!

Ah, now we just gotta get out of here.

There's nothing here
but that old lava boat.

[roaring]

[all screaming]

[roaring continues]

[all] Francis! Francis!
Francis! Francis! Francis! Francis!

[♪ upbeat tropical music playing]

Dr. Lullah, we got the crystal!

What?

Hmm.

[humming]

Okay. Are we back in the camp or what?

[sighs]

Listen, I can't keep up this nicey-nice
camp counselor charade any longer.

[whispers] You weren't that nice.

There is no summer camp. This was a scam.

-What?
-What?

[sighs]

Look, I was having a tiny bit of trouble

designing a crime laser,
and I'm very whimsical.

So I invented a summer camp
to lure some nerds to come and assist me.

I just wanted to carve
my face on the moon.

And now I can do that.

[humming]

[machine powering down]

[all] Ooh!

I don't care if you made it up.

We risked our lives for this!

So either you give us a summer camp

or I bash this crystal

into a million smaller,
less useful crystals.

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

[all gasp]

Nobody extorts Dr. Lullah.

-But I like the energy.
-So we're back in the camp?

There is no camp!

But your boat's long gone,

so I guess you're stuck here.

[all cheering]

Great! Where are our rooms?

-[all groaning]
-Rest up!

Because tomorrow
you're getting me another crystal.

[Pliny] We're back
in the summer camp, guys!

A plus!

[all cheering] Pliny! Pliny! Pliny!

[Dr. Lullah] Ugh, should have done
a practice sketch or something.

[all] Twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty,

thirty-one, thirty-two,
thirty-three, thirty-four...

[screams] I yield!

-Pliny wins!
-Congratulations!

You get first pick out
of this week's box of food...

Again.

How do you do it?

Let me tell you a little secret, Larry.

The eyes want to be wept.

Ooh!

Hey! I see it!

[both] Food's here!

Remember, start chewing now,

so you're warmed up
when the food gets in there.

-Of course.
-Smart. Okay. Yeah.

[chomping]

[all exclaiming]

[Merian] Uh, excuse me?

-That is our food!
-Uh...

-[grunts]
-Hey! Stop!

-[struggling]
-[Merian] Let go!

[Pliny] Merian, let go.

[Merian] What are you doing?

It was too much spinning.

Ugh! That was all of our food
for the entire week!

Great!

-Now we're gonna starve.
-We'll be fine.

[Larry] It's true.

Did you know that bug meat
is the food of the future?

Larry, no. Not the bugs again.

I mean, we just need
to go back to Dr. Lullah

and ask for another box of food.

[roaring]

[yelling]

Hmm.

[Dr. Lullah] Take your time.

[doorbell rings]

Hi, Dr. Lullah!

[sighs] It's you. What is it?

I'm extremely busy.

Sorry to intrude,

but some mutant
stole our rations this week.

So we're just gonna sneak in
and grab another box.

Absolutely not.

What? Why?

I deliver one box
of food per week in exchange for your help

with my various doomsday devices.

Whatever happens after it's dropped off

is not my responsibility.

Um, sorry, it kind of is

just because you, like, made the mutants.

Uh, yeah.

But unlike you six,

they can take care of themselves.

-Wow.
-This is ridiculous.

Just give us some more food.

You have a ton!

Listen, this is the real world,

not summer camp.

It's dog-eat-dog.

And if you want to eat this week,

you're gonna have to
go back to that mutant

and fight like a dog for it.

Wow.

Okay, um, so, we don't know how to fight.

I definitely do.

But, uh, ooh, ow, you know,
I slept on my wrists weird...

Oh, my God, guys, she's messing with us.

We get it, Dr. Lullah, you're a tough dog,

we're soft babies.

Now, can we please get some more food?

If you want my food,

you're gonna have to go through me.

Challenge accepted.

[struggling]

[Pliny] Fine. You win.

We'll go get our food
back from the mutants.

-What?
-But what about the box?

Good. Hurry up.
Because I am rapidly losing interest.

[Crabclops roars]

I gotta get back to work.

It's just gonna be another tie!

Pliny, how are we gonna beat
the mutants in a fight?

Normally, I could kick 'em to pieces,

but without breakfast,

I doubt I'll have
the caloric load necessary

to swing the heft of my big heavy leg.

We're going to starve!

It's true.

I wanted to eat this butterfly,

but I just fell in love with it instead.

Aww, that's nice.

[Sara] There's no need to be nervous.

Because good ol' Sara stole
one of them big ol' swords.

Who wants to touch it?

[grunts]

Guys!

We're not actually
gonna fight the mutants.

We're gonna challenge them to a contest.

Beat their brawn with our brain--

[screaming]

Whoa!

Nice boots.

[spitting]

We're here!
I'm gonna ask this cute little sharky dude

if he's seen the gator.

Hello!

We are wondering if you've seen
an alligator with a little bird--

-Yoink! [laughs]
-Hey!

[shark panting]

-Nice boots.
-[gasps]

You!

You stole our food!

And we're here to get it,
and ideally my boots, back!

Okay. Hey, mutants.

We gotta fight some kids.

Whoa! No, no, no, no, no!

I mean, we challenge you to a contest.

Winner gets the food.

A contest?

[all murmuring] Contest? Contest! Contest?

I was thinking like holding
your breath or rock skipping or...

Prepare the arena!

[♪ dramatic music playing]

[flushing]

[Francis] I found a shell.

-[crowd cheering]
-[Merian] I'm confused.

Why did they make us
change into these pants?

They're ceremonial contest slacks.

Okay, everybody. You have
invoked the sacred law.

So now we will take turns
picking contests.

The first team
to win three contests gets all the food!

Heads or tails?

-We're heads!
-So be it.

Little Pickle?

-[chirping]
-Tails!

We choose the first contest.

And the contest we choose is...

push-ups!

[indistinct shouting]

What? Oh, right.

I am... the beefcake.

Hey, can we do the push-ups on our knees?

-Uh...
-Yeah, knees is fine.

Oh. Great. Then this will be easy.

-No arms though.
-What?

No-arm push-ups!

[crowd cheering]

[bell dings]

We choose book reading!

We choose book ripping!

[crying]

Rock, paper, scissors!

Rock, paper, scissors. Rock.

Rock, paper, scissors. Rock.

Rock, paper, scissors. Rock.

Rock, paper, scissors. Rock.

High wire!

[taunting]

Get him!

[screams]

Gimme back my boots!

Oh, man, I wasn't picking a new contest.

-I just wanted my shoes.
-Too late.

Now your boots will be dropped
into the jumping geyser.

Whoever can fetch them first,
wins the whole bag of nuts.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What's a jumping gey--

-Oh... No...
-Begin!

The eyes want to be wet.

[inhales]

-[all gasp]
-[Merian] Pliny!

[Pliny] I'm okay!

[all exclaiming]

And I got the boots!

[all cheering] Yay!

-We win!
-Yoink!

Now I got the boots. We win.

Okay. Everybody dig in.

[chomping]

Hey, wait for me.

What-- But-- but you didn't win.

You cheated!

Yeah, but what are you gonna do about it?

[echoes] What are you gonna do about it?

-Not very neighborly.
-Um, that is our food!

I'm so hungry.

Dr. Lullah was right.

This is the real world, not school.

The only rule is dog eat dog!

And there's some new dogs
in the neighborhood.

-Wait. So are there...
-I'm confused.

I'm saying if you're gonna eat this week,

we gotta summon our inner dogs
and fight for it!

[all] Oh, okay.

We're the dog-- Got it.

I'm a rat terrier!

Loyal, clever and a little bit naughty.

I'm a Mexican hairless, underappreciated,

and I can make people uncomfortable. Woof!

I'm a mastiff,

a muscle-bound freak

with love to spare.

I'm a dog with a sword, like from anime.

Medium nice dog.

And I'm a porpoise! Dog of the sea!

Because I'm smart, I love games

and I got a blowhole.

[blows raspberry]

[munching continues]

Today was super-fun.

[barking]

[screaming]

Rock, paper, scissors. Rock.

[grunting]

She's too fast! She got no drag!

[dolphin screech]

Taste my blade!

[all screaming and shouting]

[all coughing]

Oh, man!

Now nobody gets the food.

Eh. Okay. Back to sand again.

[mutants] Ugh, sand?

-[chomping]
-[coughing]

You guys eat sand?

Yeah, but if you're lucky,

sometimes you can find, like,
a soft rock or something.

Oh, dibs!

[coughs]

That was one of the hard ones.

This is making me sad.

And I feel bad for winning that fight

with that frog so decisively.

The mutants are just as hungry as we are.

Except, like, way stupider.

[coughing]

Whoo! The sand is spicy today.

You know, the real world
might be dog-eat-dog,

but dogs work best in a pack!

We shouldn't be fighting
each other for scraps.

Especially when we know
who's hiding all the beef!

[♪ upbeat music playing]

[straining]

[indistinct shouting]

-[indistinct chatter]
-[chomping]

[Dr. Lullah] Well, well, well...

It took all day, but we finally got there.

Congratulations.

Another tie!

[roaring]

[♪ closing theme music playing]