02x02 - The Naked Truth

[bunniefuu]

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ Lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just
to take good care of me ♪

♪ Like he's one
of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing, I want ♪

♪ I want Charles in charge ♪

♪ of me ♪♪

[door bell rings]

I got it.

Oh good, Buddy.
Come on in.

Hey, Charles.
- All right.
- Here you go.

I don't know what it is,
but anything this big must
be important, huh?

Thanks.
I'd have picked it up myself,
but I couldn't leave the house.

Ah, that's all right.
- Okay, now, Buddy.

I'm gonna show you
the key to paradise.

All right.
- You ready?
- Yeah.

Okay?

Ha?

What do you think?

Yeah, that's uh...

That's--
That's--

That's really um...

Oh, that's really ugly.

Well, of course it's ugly.
It's art.

This happens to be a print
of a painting by Arturo Kolodny.

It's called "Void."

You know what I'm gonna do
with this baby?

Scare the kids?

No, I'm gonna hang this up
in my bedroom.

This is my ticket...

... to Rebecca!

Who?

Oh, Rebecca Stansbury.
She's this unbelievably
beautiful art major.

I took one look at her,
and I had to buy this.

You couldn't get the girl.
so, you got the picture?

No, I didn't get the picture
to get the picture.

I got the picture
to get the girl.

Get the picture?

You're gonna give
her something ugly

and, in return,
you expect her to give
you something beautiful.

Right!

It's gonna take
an unbelievable amount of work,
but we can do it.

We'll start off
with all new clothes.

No, you won't be satisfied
until you've taken over my brain
and turned me into Jamie zombie.

You could do worse.

Charles,
what is that?

It's art, Jamie.

It's ugly, Charles.

Well, that's one vote for art
and two votes for ugly.
Sarah?

I like it.

Hi, Mrs. Powell.
- Hello, Buddy.
Good morning, Charles.

Oh, my!
Is that a... ?

That's art.
Ugly art.
Do you like it?

No.
- Thank you.

Mom, could you talk to Sarah?

I'm trying to get her
to buy some new clothes.

Well, girls,
this calls for a meeting.

Excuse us, gentleman.
- Sure.

[groans]
- Okay, Charles.
Rebecca Stansbury.

Who, what, where, when, why?

I saw her yesterday morning.

Yeah, and you talked to her?

Uh, no, not exactly.

I-I-I kind of eavesdropped
on her conversation.

Hey, way to make your move.

No, Buddy, listen.

I found out that Rebecca loves
Arturo Kolodny's paintings,
right?

So, I bought this print.

Now... when we do meet,
we'll have something in common.

You know what else
you should do?
- What?

You should meet this Kolodny guy
and get to be his best friend.

He's dead.
- Oh sure.

Just when you need the guy,
he bails out on you.

Wait here.
Let me show you something.

You heard Mom.
She agrees with me.

Just give it a try.
Please?

I hate shopping.

Oh, that's silly.
- I hate buying clothes.

That's ridiculous.
- I hate the mall!

That's treason!

All right, Buddy?
Check it out.

"Kolodny: A Man and His Art,"
I read this last night.

And this afternoon,
I'm going to an art seminar
on campus.

Hey, good plan!

Most female art students
are wild, passionate bohemians!

I think I'll go, too.

It'll cost you 20 bucks
to get in.

Well, that's a small price
to pay for a bohemian.

Well, all I know
is that Rebecca's
gonna be there.

So here's my plan...

I'm gonna stroll casually
into the classroom, right?

Sit down casually next to her,

strike up a casual conversation,

and then casually suggest
a date!

What if she casually says "no?"

I whip out my Kolodny.

"Kolodny's greatest contribution
to abstract art

was his imaginative use
of color."

You know, Rebecca,

I-I personally found that
Kolodny's greatest contribution
to abstact art was...

... his imaginative
use of color.

Oh, you think so, too?
Well, then come to my room.

Look, you won't have to buy
anything you hate.

Come on, just give it a try!

All right.

But let's get
one thing straight.

You can change my appearance,
but you can't change my mind.

I just did.

Well?
What did you decide?

Sarah and I
are going clothes shopping!

So, why don't you grab
your credit cards
and come along?

No, sir.
No way.
Uh, uh, uh.

But why can't you take me?

Because the Veteran's Club
is for adults.

Well, what are you ladies up to?

Mom is talking us
on a shopping spree.

Trip!
Shopping trip.

Dad, I was going to ask you
to take care of Adam today.

Today?!
Oh, I can't!
Vet's Club.

They need me, Ellen.
Need me.

Well... Adam, I guess
you're stuck with us.

Mom, shopping?

With three women?

Well, look who's here.

The fine young man you hired
to take care of the children.

Dud-- did I tune in late?

Charles, the girls and I
are going shopping,
and Dad is gonna a meeting.

Would you mind
taking care of Adam?

Well, actually, Mrs. Powell,

I was just on my way
to an art seminar
at Woodley Hall.

Perfect!
You can take Adam with you.
See you all later!

Art seminar?
Mom, that sounds educational.

Please don't make me go.

You know, I read about
this seminar in the "Times."

Professor Wycliffe,
I think he's supposed
to be marvelous.

I bet Adam would enjoy this.
Don't you, Charles?

There's also a chance
he might be bored.

I'd say about
a 90% chance.

Hear that?
A 90% chance!

You may have a 90% chance
of boredom at the art seminar,

but it's a 100% chance
at the mall.

[clears throat]
Uh.

Mrs. Powell...

The reason
I'm going to this art seminar
is to meet a very special girl.

Besides,
if you're going shopping,
you'll be spending money.

And the art seminar
costs 20 bucks to get in,

and I'm sure
the last thing you wanna do
is throw away $20.

Just so you can
give Adam something to do.

Thank you.

Charles, look at it this way.

If Adam goes with us,
he'll be bored

and that'll make me,
Jamie, and Sarah nervous.

But if Adam goes with you,
he'll be bored,

but it'll only make you nervous.

All right, Adam.
We're outta here!

All right.
I got us signed in.

Let's go over the rules
one more time.

Okay.
No complaints.

No wisecracks...
- And no gum.

Charles!
Charles, I was right!

This place is a hot bed
of art-crazed nymphets!

[in pig latin]
Buddy, nix
in front of the kid.

Yeah, Buddy.
I'm impressionable.

All right,
you guys stay here for a minute.
I'm gonna go find Rebecca.

Good afternoon.
Good afternoon.

Oh... uh.
I'm sorry, young man.

The seminar is about to begin.
I'm afraid you'll have to leave.

Leave?
He just got here.
What did he do wrong?

Nothing, but, uh,
your friend is a bit young.

The seminar
is for art students only.

Oh, I-I get it!

You don't think
that he's an art student.

That's very funny.

Oh?
Then he is an art student?
Here?

Uh... well, of course he's here.

Where are you, Adam?
- I'm here.

- See?
He's only 11,
but he's smart as a whip.

Oh, my!
Don't tell me!

This must be the young genius
I've been hearing so much about.

The one who was
on the "Tonight Show"
a few weeks ago!

Did you see him
on the "Tonight Show?"

No.
Unfortunately, I missed it.

Ah, you missed a heck of a show.

I'm sorry.
I should've known.

So, you're the young lad
who went directly

from junior high
to graduate school in art!

I'm Professor Howard Wycliffe.

And, your name was, uh--

Adam Powell,
it still is.

Well, Adam Powell,
it's an honor to have you here.

Thank you.
- You're welcome.

What that guy want?

He almost tossed us out,
but I took care of it.

That's Rebecca?
- Yeah.

Well, what's taking
you so long?

All the seats next to her
are taken

and I don't know
what to do.

Uh, just a minute...

Oh, Professor.

What may I do for you?

Well, our young friend here
would like to sit
in the front row,

but as you can see,
the seats are taken.

Could you...?
- Oh, no problem.

I'll ask the others to move.

Mr. Davis, Mr. Bancroft,
would you take other seats?

[Charles] How did you do that?
[Buddy] Well, I didn't.

Professor thinks that Adam
is some sorta kid genius
or something.

You guys go ahead.
I'm gonna scout the room.

Okay.
Adam, you sit over here.

Hello, my name is Charles.

Rebecca.

You know, I think if I were
stranded on a desert island,
and I could have...

... only a few things,
I think--

Well, no,
I know that...

one of them
would definately be
an abstract painting.

Really?
- Yeah.

Well, abstract art
is my favorite, too.

- No!
- Yes.

You're kidding?

Oh, I love
all the abstract painters,
especially Kolodny.

You're familiar
with Arturo Kolodny?

Oh, very familiar.

I think
Kolodny's greatest contribution
to abstract art

was his imaginative use
of color.

I see you share
the opinion of experts.

Yes, they often agree with me.

I have Kolodny
hanging in my room.

Well, not him personally.
I-I mean "Void."

Oh and, do you feel that "Void"
is one of his better paintings?

[clears throat]
Uh, do I?
Um...

Uh, yes...

...a-a-and no.

Well, what I mean is...

S-s-sometimes...

I look at it
and think,

"Arturo, this is one
of your better paintings."
- Humph.

And then other days I look at it
and think,

"Arturo, even though
you blew it,

you're still okay with me."

You're very loyal.

Yes, and trustworthy, and brave.

That's nice...

Oh, would you excuse me?

Yea-yeah, sure.

Charles!
- What?

Charles, I just met
this great art student.

And she mentioned
something about body painting.

Oh, really?

So, if she's not talking
about her car,

I think I may marry her.

Ladies and gentlemen,
before we begin,

it is my great privilege
to introduce
a gifted young artist...

Charles, this is really boring.

An artist
whose talents might rival
those of the masters.

... 11-year-old Adam Powell.

Oh!
That's my idol.
I love this guy.

Adam,
we all await your rendering
of today's subject.

Rendering?
- Drawing.

Drawing what?

I don't know.
It's fruit in a bowl.
Fake it.

Today, our subject
will be the human body.

Specifically, the nude,
female body.

That's it.
C'mon, Buddy.
We're outta here.

Charles!

All of a sudden,
I feel like sketching.

Charles, I wanna stay!

You wanna get me fired?

I don't remember your mother
saying that one of my duties

was to introduce you
to female nudity.

She probably forgot.

Would everyone sit down, please?

Listen, Professor,

I-I'm responsible
for this impressionable

well, I thought
this was gonna be a class

where we'd be drawing...
fruit in bowls and things.

Young man,
I don't have time for jokes.

The class is waiting.

Please sit down.
Sit down.
Sit down!

Charles, you owe Adam something.

Now, this can be
your way of thanking him.
- For what?

For the seats so, you could sit
next to Rebecca.

Thank him?
Rebecca's not even here.

Oh!
Yes, she is.

Our model this afternoon...

... Rebecca.

Now, you going to thank me?

I cannot believe college
could be so great.

I can't believe art
could be so dangerous.

I can't believe life
can be so unfair.

Oh.
- You got the answer
to my dreams.

A girl who takes her clothes off
before the first date!

Buddy, she's working her way
through college as a model.

I don't think she undressed
just to get my attention.

She got my attention.

Well, you see that.
There's the real problem,
right there.

All right.

I got it--
I got a plan.

Adam, I want you to forget
what you saw today.

How?

All right.
Don't forget.

Just, um...

Just keep it to yourself,
all right.

You tell no one.
Understand?
No one.

I'll never talk
even if I'm tortured.

Men!

Grandpa,
I saw a naked lady today.

You did, huh?

I'll never forget the first time
I saw a naked lady.

She was tattooed
on a sailor's arm.

When he flexed his muscle,
she did the hula.

I took one look and said,
"That's for me!"

The girl or the tattoo?

The Navy!

But Grampa--

Adam, is that
a cavity in your mouth?

No, no, I guess not.

Charles, I think
the boy's a little too young

to be looking
at pictures of naked women.
- Well--

- But Grampa--
- Don't argue
with your grandfather.

He's right, Adam.

I'm not gonna say anything
to his mother,

but let's make sure
it doesn't happen again, huh?
- Okay.

Uh, as you were!

[sighs]

Are you trying to destroy me?

I'm sorry.
I just had to say it
out loud once.

Charles, relax.
Everything's gonna be okay.

Yeah, okay.

Uh, let's go get
something to eat.

I want you to stay here
and practice not talking, okay?

[door bell rings]
I'll get it.

Hi, I'm Rebecca.

I know and I'll never forget.

May I come in?

Wait, let me think.

Yes!

Thank you.

No, thank you!

Listen, I'm really sorry
to barge in like this.

I found your address
in the seminar guest register--

That's okay.
How about if I get Charles?

Well, actually,
I came to see you.

I've never met
a child prodigy before
and I'm very curious.

I'd really love
to see the sketch
you did of me today.

Oh, gee...

Just before you got here,

this guy came over
and um...

bought it for his museum.

Oh, it must have been wonderful.

Yeah,
you should see it sometime.

Listen, I have a terrific idea.

How about
if you get your materials
and just sketch me right now?

Right now?

Here?

Well, sure.
Why not?

Excuse me!

Charles!
Rebecca's here.

Rebecca's here to see me?

No, she's here to see me
and she wants me to see her!

Wait, wait.
Wha-what do you mean?

She's in living room right now,
taking off all her clothes.

Whoa, whoa.
- Charles, your plan worked.

She wants me to draw her.

I'm supposed
to be getting my stuff
while she take off hers!

Yeah, well, you can't do that.

You might appreciate it
but your mother won't.

Charles, I'll handle this.

I get paid
to deal with these things.

Rebecca, stop!

Charles?
Stop what?

Please do not
take off your clothing.

Well, Charles,
that's a novel approach.

Mrs. Powell.

Uh.

This is Rebecca.

Rebecca, this is Mrs. Powell
and, uh, Jamie and Sarah.

Hi.
- Hello, Rebecca.
- Hi.

Why don't you girls go upstairs
and put your packages away.

Okay, out of gratitude
for the shopping spree,
we'll take the hint.

Charles, why were you asking
this young lady not to
take her clothes off?

I'll tell you why.

I don't know.

All I know is that
I asked Adam to sketch me.

Adam?
Sketch you?

Yes, but I had no intention
of taking anything off.

But, you took everything off
at the seminar.

Everything?

Mrs. Powell,
I'll be very honest with you.

Uh,
R-R-Rebecca is the girl

that I wanted to meet
at the art seminar.

That's why you went,
to meet me?

Yes, you see,
it turned out

the professor
was giving a lecture
on drawing the female nude

and Rebecca turned out
to be the female

who turned out
to be nude.

Anyway, the professor
mistook Adam for a child genius.

So after the class,
Rebecca came over to the house
to ask Adam to sketch her

and I thought she was taking
her clothes off again

because she took them off
before.

So, that's why
I'll pack my things
and move out.

Thank you and good night.

Charles, wait.

In other words,
Adam saw a nude model.

Uh, yeah.

Mrs. Powell,
I'm really sorry.

It's partly my fault.

I made you take Adam
to the class.

But, when Rebecca
started to take her clothes off,

the three of you
could've walked out,
couldn't you?

[all]
No.

No, I... I guess not.

Okay, Adam.

You and I are going
to have a long talk.

And Charles, later on, you and I
are going to have a long talk.
- Okay.

Uh, it was nice
to meet you, Rebecca.

I'll say!

Rebecca, we haven't
been formally introduced.

My name is Buddy Lembeck.

Buddy, you're not leaving,
are you?

Oh, oh, yes, I'm sorry.
I almost forgot.
I have a date.

It's been nice meeting you,
Rebecca.

The pleasure was all mine.

Thank you, Buddy.

Bye.

I really should be going, too--
- Oh, no, no.
Wait a minute, um...

All right, I-I'll make
my confession short.

Uh, yesterday,
in the student union,

I-I sort of...

... listened in
on your conversation.

Let me guess.
Before then, you'd never heard
of Arturo Kolodny.

Right.
However, I did read
his life story,

but only to impress you.

I have to admit.
That's pretty impressive.

Oh, excuse me, Charles.
I thought you were alone.

Oh, no.
It's okay, Sarah.
What do you need?

I wanna show you what I bought.

Isn't he cute?

You spent the whole day shopping
and that's all you bought?

Of course not.

I also got something to wear.

See?

That's beautiful, Sarah.
I like your style.

What?

Never mind.

All right, Rebecca.
I'll-I'll be totally honest
with you.

Uh...

I would like to see
a lot more of you.

Well, not more than
I've already seen

because that-that
would be impossible.

What I'm trying to say
is I would like to see, um,

less of you... more often.

Charles, I bought
some great new clothes

and I thought maybe,
you'd like to see them later.

Who are all these children--
- Ah.

This is the uh,
the Powell family.

I-I sort of take care of 'em.

Oh.

Look, would you
like to go out sometime?
Be honest.

Yes...

...but I can't.

Well, be dishonest.

Charles, look.

I can tell
you're a very nice guy.

You're also very attractive.

But,
I-I just don't feel comfortable
dating someone

who's seen me pose
in the nude.

What?
I didn't see that much.

No, Rebecca,
I had a bad seat and-and--

and you know my eyes really
aren't what they used to be
and...

Well, in that case,
I guess I could make
an exception.

Listen, while you're
being totally honest,

you don't really have
Kolodny's "Void" hanging
in your room, do you?

I certainly do.
Would you like to see it?

Yeah, show me.

Right this way!

Charles!
Charles!

What's that girl
doing in your room?

That's Rebecca.

I'm gonna show her my Kolodny.
- Oh.

Charles.
How was your date?

Oh, it was great.
We just talked about art.

Sure.

You know,
I wouldn't mind being an artist.

Well, Adam, if it's
because of what you saw today,
forget it.

I mean, I-I-I realize
that at your age,

seeing a, uh,
naked female can be very...

... titillating.

Huh?

Um, exciting.

But, you have to understand
something.

There's more to a woman
than her physical properties.

What I'm trying to say is...

if you've seen one,
you've seen them all.

I believe you,

but I still wanna see them all.

Same here.

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

♪ Charles in charge
of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing,
I want ♪

♪ I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

[♪♪]

♪ Charles in charge ♪

[fanfare]