01x19 - Charles' Spring Break

[bunniefuu]

♪ New boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ Lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just to
take good care of me ♪

♪ Like he's one
of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge

of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge

of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I say
I want, I want

Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge

of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge

of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I say I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

This is the beginning
of dishpan hands, isn't it?

I don't understand it.

Why do we have to
set the table tonight

when it's Lila's turn?

'Cause Lila's getting
falsies on her fingertips.

Douglas, you know we
had a deal with Lila.

If she got straight
"A"s on her report card,

she could get nails.

It's still not fair.

Get used to it, son.

Life stinks
and then you die.

Did you get my five dollars?

What five dollars?

Douglas.

I need exactly $60
for my trip to Florida,

okay, and I have 30.

Buddy is selling my organic
chemistry text book for 25,

that makes 55 and the
$5 you owe me makes 60.

Should you be selling
your books, Charles?

Oh, I took that course last
semester, Mrs. Pembroke,

but I held on to the book.

You see, an organic
chemistry textbook

is like money in the bank.

Charles, are you
still gonna have time

to help me get my fire merit
badge for Indian Scouts?

I didn't even know you were
in the Indian Scouts, Jace,

when did that happen?

Yesterday.

Oh.

Troop number 54.

Come on, Charles,
get with the times.

I'm gonna be a
stupid Wampum Brave

until I earn a merit
badge in fire making.

Can we work on it tomorrow?

Oh, I'm leaving for
Florida tomorrow, Jason.

I'll tell you what,
I'll pencil you in

for after dinner.

Jason...

Oh, rats!

Oh, Mrs. Pembroke,
your blouse!

That noticeable, huh?

I better go change.

Charles, I'm at an important
crossroad in my life.

I can spend a lot
of time flattering you

with insincere compliments
just to butter you up,

but I'm not gonna
do that, Charles.

Why, ask me why?

Why?

Because I'm too
mature for that.

Why?

Pipe down, I'm on a roll.

So, as one mature
male to another,

can I borrow another $10?

Let me get this
straight, Douglas.

You don't have the $5
you're supposed to pay me

and now you want me to loan
you another $10, Douglas?

I can't do it.

I need the money for my
trip to Fort Lauderdale.

Don't you even want to
know why I need the money?

Notice, the key word
here is need, not want.

I need to go to Florida,
I want to go to Florida.

I want to be a father.

Jason, go to your room?

Why, he's the
one who wants--

Your room, go there now.

Okay, okay.

Tell me everything later.

"Uncle Jason," I like it.

Douglas, if this is
something that falls

under the birds and bees
category, okay--

[doorbell rings]

Stay right there.

All right, Charles,
Fort Lauderdale, here we come!

Oh, we're gonna
have so much fun,

okay we've got
it all worked out.

Six girls in my car,
six guys in Buddy's.

Charles, we were so lucky.

We got the last two
rooms the motel had.

The motel will cost
$520 for the ten nights

and gas money
comes to $180.

Right, and $20 for food.

$20?

That's not much food.

Charles, if you had
to fit in my bikini,

you wouldn't eat
much food either.

Do you have that
$60, Charles?

Everyone's paid up but you.

Did you sell
my chemistry book?

Oh, yeah right.

Here, here's five bucks.

Five bucks?

Oh, Buddy,
everybody gets $25

for an organic
chemistry textbook!

But Charles, you
actually used the book!

You underlined in it,
the binding was cracked,

you were lucky
to get the five.

Well, now I'm a little short.

Well, how short?

I'm $20 short from the book

and Douglas didn't
pay me the $5 he owes me,

and on top of that,
he wants me to loan him

another $10 so he
can become a father.

These kids today!

I thought you'd
be happy for me.

Douglas, I'm
going to ask this

as calmly as I can, okay?

Why do you want
to become a father

and what has my $10
got to do with it?

Take it easy, Charles.

I don't want
to have a child.

My new friend Patsy
and I intend to adopt.

Oh, oh, well that's
much better, Douglas.

Boy, for a minute there,
you really had me worried.

Five seconds, you've
got exactly five seconds

to explain yourself.

Well, Patsy and
I were thinking,

gee, not every kid is
as fortunate as we are

here in America and
on television they say

that for pennies a day
you can adopt a child.

Well, Patsy's chipping
in and all I need is $10.

Oh, Douglas.

Oh, what a
beautiful, giving,

unselfish thing to do.

All right, all right,
I'll come up with $10 more.

Hey, I've got that
dissecting kit from biology,

that's got to be
worth something.

I'll give you $5 for it.

Can I owe you $20?

Sorry, kid, cash and carry.

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it.

Hi, look who's here?

Patsy!

Hello, Douglas.

Well, we'll leave
you two kids alone.

You must have
a lot to talk about.

He knows.

Oh yes, Patsy, and I
want you to know something.

I think it's a wonderful
thing you're doing.

So don't worry,
Douglas has the money.

You told him I'm
blackmailing you?

Are you kidding?

If I told him
you found a peephole

in the boys locker room
and took pictures of me,

he'd never
give me the money.

So what are
you waiting for?

Fork it over, Pembroke.

How do I know you have
this alleged photo of me,

-how should we say...
-In your shower suit?

Look familiar?

[panicked yelling]

But you can't see my face,

so it's not totally
incriminating.

Fine, let's let
the class vote on it.

See you tomorrow at recess.

♪

So did you get your schedule
all worked out, Charles?

All set, I made my
plane reservations

so I can get
back here in time

for you and Mr. Pembroke

to get to a sales
meeting in Chicago.

Oh, great.

And you've got enough
money to cover this?

Well, Mr. Pembroke
gave me cash

for the plane
ticket back,

so now all I'm
short is the $35

to give to Buddy for
the trip down there.

That is a lovely
outfit, Mrs. Pembroke.

Save it, Charles, I'm broke.

But, I'm making roast
beef and mashed potatoes

and gravy tonight, which
is Stan's favorite dinner.

That might put
him in a good mood.

Maybe he'll loan
you the money.

That's worth a shot.

Hi, everybody!

Hey, Lila.

Wait, let me see your nails.

[excited bantering]

They're just nails,
it's no big deal.

Oh, no big deal, Lila.

Lila!

Cool, you look like Elvira!

She looks more
like Howard Hughes.

Call the Guinness Book,

I think we got a
world record here!

You don't like them.

Like them, I'm
afraid of them.

All right, honey,
take your coat off.

We'll discuss this
when your dad gets home.

Well, I think they're pretty.

Great, pretty and practical.

You think you could
help set the table?

Hi, sorry I'm late.

Is this all the mail?

Yeah, that's it.

Mrs. Pembroke made your
favorite meal tonight, sir.

Really, how sweet.

Thanks, honey.

Mr. Pembroke, can
I ask you something?

Show him the roast.

Bills, bills, bills, why
is it always at tax time?

I'm sorry, Charles, what
did you want to ask me?

Oh, it can wait, sir.

Enjoy your dinner.

Mmm, that smells delicious.

Mr. Pembroke,
I was wondering--

'Bout how much are they getting
for roast beef these days?

I'm sorry, Charles,
I'm listening?

No, it can wait.

Sir, have some mashed
potatoes, they're delicious.

And quite a buy for the money.

Lila, what have we
done with our hands?

Honey, remember we promised
her nails if she got "A"s?

Well these look a
little long right now,

but they're
gonna be just fine

when she files them down.

I'll file them down
if you want me to,

but I think it's a
waste of your money.

How big a waste
are we talking about?

Uh, some roast beef, sir?

Uh, thanks, Charles.

Lila, I think you're
gonna have to file down

at least $5 worth
or you'll hurt yourself.

Quick, get your
father the gravy.

Dad, I made Indian Scouts!

Well, that's
good news, Jace.

Hold that thought

'cause I'm gonna need
a uniform and supplies.

Why don't I just
give it all away?

You mean that?

'Cause there are a lot of
starving children in the world

who can't afford
food or clothing--

Or spring break in Florida.

Charles?

I need to borrow $35.

You can jump in with a
yes or no anytime, sir.

Have a good time, Charles.

Oh, thank you.

You have a good
time, Charles.

Thank you.

Oh, and drive carefully.

Don't get sunburned.

If you need any
other brilliant advice,

you can call me.

Or your own mother.

♪

Fort Lauderdale!

Woo hoo!

All right!

Go get 'em, guys!

All right!

Did you catch all
those girls in the pool?

Yes!

The same inner drive

that sends salmon
upstream to spawn

and grunion climbing
out of the sea

is making college students
join in a fun frenzy!

Yes!

While you were registering,

I met two girls
down at the pool.

Buddy, my firstborn
will bear your name.

They want us to meet 'em

at a place called
Hanson's Beach.

They say it's very
private and secluded.

We're never
going home, are we?

I don't think so!

I'm gonna put my
bathing suit on.

All right.

[hooting and hollering]

What are you doing?

We're checking into our room.

What are you doing here?

I'm putting on my
bathing suit in our room.

Wait a minute there must
be some mistake, Charles.

Room 17 is our room.

Then I think we have a
little problem, Gwendolyn.

They've given
room 17 to all of us.

♪

Look, Charles, everyone else

is already down at the
pool getting tan lines,

we don't have time to argue
about whose room this is.

You're just gonna
have to leave.

Why should we leave?

We were here first.

All right, I'll call the
manager, see what happens.

I'm sure he just gave
you the wrong key.

Yes, hello, this is
Gwendolyn Pierce, room 17.

Yeah, hi.

Listen, there are a
bunch of guys in our room.

What did he say?

He said we must
be fast workers.

No, no, no, you don't
seem to understand.

You have guys and
girls in the same room.

Yes, I know that's
why we came to Florida.

Well, what about
another motel?

All right, thanks a lot.

What's the deal?

They overbooked the motel!

They all do it because a
lot of kids make reservations,

then they don't show up.

There's no vacancy
in town, we're stuck here.

Well, I guess there are
worse guys to be stuck with.

I'm ready, sun lovers!

Buddy, Buddy, Buddy.

So hard to dress yourself

when you're mother's
not around to help.

All right, all right,
it was just a little joke

for Charles' benefit.

I didn't realize
we had company.

We're not company.

There's been a mix-up

and we're all staying
in the same room.

This is great!

Six more people to
help share the cost,

we'll have extra money for
the little things like food.

Okay, okay, but if we have
to pay for half the room

then we get one
of the beds, right?

Oh, what's the difference
who sleeps in what bed?

I say we mingle.

Buddy, come here.

Listen, Buddy.

If we are ever visited

by other people
from outer space,

we're gonna
want them to think

that we have
some intelligence.

Don't say things like that.

We'll take this bed.

Okay, and we also need
half the closet space

and maybe we should
move this bed over here.

Hold it, hold it.

We have to get
to Hanson's Beach,

can't we redecorate later?

When later?

Buddy, I want this
room thing settled now!

Okay, okay, Gwendolyn,

we'll meet back here
at 7:00, all right?

We have to come back
and get our clothes anyway.

All right, 7:00.

I'm gonna go put
my bathing suit on.

Our grunion await.

Yes!

Room 17?

This is it.

I'm Mr. Asuka from Tokyo.

Uh, it's nice to
meet you, Mr. Asuka,

but this is our room.

Uh, room 17.

Oh, they didn't
do this, did they?

Oh, sir, we already have

Oh, hi, I'm
Mr. Asuka from Tokyo.

Buddy, do something.

Mr. Asuka, do
you have any money?

[speaking foreign language]

I know exactly what you mean,
Mr. Asuka, welcome aboard.

Buddy!

Well, you heard the manager,

there isn't
another room in town.

Now, Mr. Asuka, you get to
sleep in the chair tonight.

Room 17.

Yeah, I'll say.

All right!

Who is that?

Hi, I'm Mr. Asuka
from Tokyo.

Hi--who?

Mr. Asuka.

Yeah, I got that much,
Buddy, where'd he come from?

Tokyo!

Room 17.

[phone rings]

Room 17.

Oh, hi, I'm
Mr. Asuka from Tokyo.

Charles, it's for you,
long distance.

Thanks.

Hello.

Hello, Charles?

Jason?

Yeah, I've been doing
what you showed me,

but it doesn't work.

I still can't
make a fire.

Did you see my emery boards?

What's an emery board?

These.

Until you rubbed
the sandpaper off.

Now they're
tongue depressors.

Want to say hi to Charles?

Sure, will you
hold it up for me?

Hi, Charles.

Hi, Lila.

Listen, I'd love to
talk but it really isn't

such a good idea

to be running up your
father's phone bill.

That's okay, I have to go.

If I don't paint
these babies now,

they'll never be
dry by bedtime, bye.

Charles, you want to hear
the Indian Scout song?

I learned all five verses.

♪ Ugga wugga wigwam,
ugga wugga wigwam-- ♪

Jason, I gotta go!

Wait, listen.

[blowing]

You hear that,
that's the fishing boat,

it's leaving without me.

I'll hear the song
when I get home, okay?

Have fun, Charles.

See ya.

I'm sorry, you're just
going to have to leave.

Room 17.

Yes, I'm sure
you'll be just fine.

Hold it, Linda,
what are you doing?

Sending him on his way.

No, we can't kick him out.

He has as much right
to the room as we do.

Oh, what the heck,
let him stay.

Yeah, I think
Charles is right.

Mr. Asuka, make
yourself comfortable.

Let's hit Hanson's Beach!

-7:00.
-7:00 sharp.

Oh, Mr. Asuka, would
you like to come with us?

Hi, I'm Mr. Asuka
from Tokyo.

Yeah, right, maybe next time.

See you later.

♪

Gwendolyn, why aren't
you out by the pool?

You're missing a great party.

Well, I don't feel
much like a party.

Charles should have been
back three hours ago.

Well, if I were you,
I'd worry by the pool.

Yeah, well I'm just
gonna wait around

another couple minutes.

I'll see you guys.

[phone rings]

Oh, excuse me.

Hello.

Charles, where are you?

Oh, don't you kid me.

What are you doing in jail?

Well, of course I'll
come bail you out.

How much is it?

Oh, Charles, I don't
have that kind of money.

Okay, in your pants.

I'm on my way, bye.

Oh, Mr. Asuka,
it's just awful.

It's Charles and Buddy.

They're in jail.

Hi.

Yi, yi, yi.

What am I gonna do?

I'm dead meat.

Why do you keep saying that?

Because, Gwendolyn,

I don't have enough
money to fly home now

and the Pembrokes
are gonna fire me.

[phone rings]

Hello?

Hi, Charles, it's Douglas.

Douglas, what's wrong?

Charles, the child I
adopted wants a horse.

I know what you're thinking,
I'm spoiling him rotten.

But what can I do?

Could you wire me $15 so
I can get my boy a horse?

Douglas, listen to me.

I know something is wrong,

there's a lot of
that going around.

Now, you have to
tell me what is wrong

so I can help you.

Charles, Patsy Lewis
has pictures of me

in the boys' locker room

and she's gonna
show 'em to everyone.

She says everyone is
gonna call me Dougiebuns.

Okay, Douglas, I know exactly
what you're going through.

See, when I was
in fifth grade,

a friend of mine found
one of my baby pictures,

you know those
bare-skin jobs.

And he threatened to show it
to everybody if I didn't pay.

But Douglas,
I did not pay him.

Are you just making this
up to make me feel better?

I was Charlie Cheesecake.

You should have paid
the money, Charles.

No, Douglas, you
have to ride it out.

It's the only way to
keep your self respect.

And you won't be
Dougiebuns forever.

Thanks, Charles.

Charlie Cheesecake.

Bye.

There you are, you guys
are missing all the fun.

They're gonna fill
the pool with Jell-O.

We really don't feel like
having fun right now, Linda.

How come?

How was Hanson's Beach?

I don't want
to talk about it.

Oh, come on, sit down
and tell me all about it.

Buddy can't sit down.

How come?

He's sunburned.

You don't look
sunburned, Buddy.

Well, it's my back,

it's part of my back,

I can't sit down,
look, can we drop it?

No, inquiring
minds want to know.

I want to know.

Well, we went to meet
these girls at Hanson's Beach.

And the reason that it's
very private and very secluded

is that, well, everybody
kinda wears the same outfit.

The same kind
of bathing suit?

Yeah.

Suits made of natural fiber.

Clothing optional?

Well there really
wasn't much of an option,

we were the only
two people wearing suits.

What could we do,
so we joined in.

But Buddy wouldn't roll
over so his back got burned.

Is nothing sacred?

Well anyway, it turns out
that it's against the law.

The police came down
and arrested everybody

for disturbing the peace.

And now I don't have
enough money to fly home.

Oh, Charles, I'm sure
if you call Mr. Pembroke,

he'll send you the money.

Oh, sure.

I'll tell him the guy
who cares for his children

needs money because he
was arrested for running--

You said that the
charges were dropped.

So were my pants, Gwendolyn!

I can't do that.

Now, how am
I gonna get home?

You heard what the guy said.

They don't return your
bail money for 60 days.

Well, you have
to do something.

Look, why don't you
guys go ahead, okay?

I'm gonna stay here
and figure out what to do.

Come on, go, I'll be
down in a few minutes.

All right, let's party!

[whooping]

Charlie.

How much you need?

You understood
everything we've said?

Little bit, not good.

How much?

I can't take your
money, Mr. Asuka.

This best vacation Asuka have!

You act crazy, huh?

Very funny.

How much?

Well, it's $69 if I
fly super super extra

late night special
stand-by saver fare.

But really, I
wouldn't feel right.

You insult?

You let Asuka stay.

You friend, eh?

I give.

You gave too much.

There's much more
here than I need.

No big thing.

I on expense account.

Have good time.

I'm gonna pay you back.

I'll mail the money to Japan.

Hai!

Thank you, Mr. Asuka.

Thank you, Charlie Cheesecake.

♪

Okay, that's it Jason,
keep turning, keep turning.

I think I see a spark!

Why'd you stop,
I thought you saw a spark?

I did, but the sweat
from my hands put it out.

Hello, anybody home?

Hi, Charles!

How's everybody doing?

Oh, great tan,
how was the trip?

Thanks.

Well let's just say

I was exposed to
a lot of new things.

Did you bring us presents?

Jason.

Oh, I forgot the gifts.

Really?

Are you kidding?

All right, ladies first.

Mrs. Pembroke, for you...

a Ft. Lauderdale
Party Animal T-shirt!

I love it!

Of course I'm gonna have
to get shoes to match.

Lila, you're next.

Moccasins.

Shoes that don't
have to be tied

by fingers that
can't tie them.

I like the
moccasins, Charles,

even though
some people think

my nails should
be this length.

Sounds like I
missed some fun.

Oh yeah.

All right, now for the men.

Douglas.

It's dead, Jim.

Yeah, I think
the rest of us

feel safer
that way, Douglas.

You still Dougiebuns?

Yeah, but the girls in
the halls keep smiling at me.

How do you figure that?

All right, Mr. Pembroke,
you're next.

I got you something

I didn't think you'd
ever buy for yourself.

Okay.

Cape Canaveral underwear.

I don't know what to say,
it's not even Father's Day.

How you doing, Jace?

Okay.

Fire merit badge?

Not yet.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

So when I was in Florida,

I went and visited the
Seminole Indian Reservation

and asked them
what real Indians use

to start a fire.

And they gave me this.

Wow an authentic
Seminole fire starter!

♪

of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge

of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I say

I want Charles
in Charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge

of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ And I say

I want Charles
in charge of me ♪

♪