01x11 - Home for the Holidays

[bunniefuu]

♪ New boy in the neighborhood ♪

♪ Lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just to
take good care of me ♪

♪ Like he's one of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days

and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs

and our rights ♪

♪ And I say I want, I want

Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days

and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs

and our rights ♪

♪ And I say I want

Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ 'Tis the season
to be jolly ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Buddy's here
and so is Charlie ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la ♪

[Jason groaning]

That bad, huh?

Well, cheer up because Buddy
and I come bearing gifts.

It isn't your singing,
Charles, it's your leaving.

What's the matter, Jason?

I got my homesick
stomachache.

I'm listening.

Last time you went
home to Pennsylvania,

it was for Thanksgiving,
and Jason laid down

on the couch and went...

Ohh.

For three days
until you got back.

Except when he
watched the parade,

and except when he
had three helpings

of pumpkin pie and ice cream.

Then he sat down on
the couch and went...

Ohh!

I'm gonna miss you, too, kid.

But this time you're gonna
be gone for three weeks!

I can't live with my
homesick stomachache

for three weeks.

How can you be homesick when
you're not going anywhere?

Because he's home
and I'm sick.

Who am I supposed to
sh**t baskets with?

How about your brother?

Oh!

Okay, the kitchen
is spotless,

nobody go near the kitchen.

-Hi, everybody.
-Hi, Mrs. Pembroke.

Ah, this is not spotless!

Oh, I'll take care of it.

No, it's all right.

Actually, Charles,
your leaving causes me

some problems myself.

What kind of
problems, Douglas?

I don't understand this.

School is out.

Everybody's going
home for the holidays.

Everybody's supposed to
sing Winter Wonderland.

Nobody's supposed
to have any problems.

Except me.

Because when you move out,
Grandma Irene moves in.

Well, why should your
grandmother coming

cause you a problem?

'Cause Grandma Irene
thinks I'm weird.

I like her.

And she will be
here any second,

so I want this
place to sparkle.

No dust, no slush.

You'd think after 16 years,
a visit from Stan's mother

would have no effect.

I mean, what
sense does it make

that a wonderful
sweet lady from Indiana

should make me get so--

Charles, what is that
all over your sweater?

Dots.

Well, get rid of 'em.

Forgive me, Charles, I only
get this way once a year.

I understand, Mrs. Pembroke.

Jason, come here.

As much as I appreciate it,

you can't be sick
because I'm going home.

So, there's nothing
wrong with your stomach

because people
don't get sick

from other people going home.

Actually, good friends
can affect each other

in ways like that.

How do you know?

I don't, I just like
to believe it's so.

Well, so would I, Douglas.

But I'm not sure that it is.

And don't look at
me like that, Jason,

you're hurting my head.

It doesn't look like Jason's
talking to you, Charles.

What's the matter,
Jason, you upset

because Grandma's coming too?

No, Jason's wild
about Grandma Irene.

She doesn't think
Jason's weird?

No, go figure.

I think you just
have to understand

that Charles has
family too, you know.

He has a family here.

Me.

And if he's deserting me,

I'm not talking to him.

It's all right, Buddy,
we'll work something out.

No, it's not all right.

It's not all right at all.

Because if this world's
gonna go on spinning,

Jason cannot not be
talking to Charles.

He's right, you know?

Jason not talking to
Charles is like E.T.

not talking to Elliot.

Yeah, it's like Huck
not talking to Tom.

Yeah, like Beany not
talking to Cecil.

You have absolutely
no class, Buddy.

Yeah, probably not.

I do know one thing though.

Now is the worst time for you
not to be talking to Charles

because he's gonna be
gone for three weeks.

You understand?

Yeah, everything's fine.

I think I'm gonna be sick!

Jason--thank you, Buddy.

Jason.

Jason, will you wait a s--

Charles, I have
something to tell you.

All the girls in my grade

knew it would just
be a matter of time

before the guys
got up the nerve

to ask us on dates.

But, Lila, you've been
out with boys before.

Only with other
girls around.

Only in groups
of 50 and 100.

That doesn't count?

One boy, one girl,
sweaty palms, that counts.

We were just waiting
for them to catch up

because we mature
faster than they do.

Miss Rudolph
said so in health.

We're all thinking of wearing
little signs that said,

"Ask us, we're ready."

Well, one of the boys
did for tonight.

Tonight?

-No, but, Lila...
-Did he ask Sally Stefanato?

No.

But, Lila,
your grandmother...

Did he ask Bonnie Tuber?

-No.
-But, Lila...

-Who did he ask?
-How much time do I have?

-Me!
-That's wonderful...

Alexander Morgan
asked me on a date!

-Tonight, my first date!
-Buddy.

You sure do earn
your money, Charles.

That's not the right answer.

You don't want
the right answer.

The right answer
is leave, now.

Look, school's out, this
isn't your responsibility

anymore, Charles.

You've got one
Mrs. Pembroke here

and another one on the way.

You're officially
free to go home.

Now, come on, we'll go
down to the airport

and we'll catch
earlier planes.

What's going on down there?

Leave now, Charles.

Mom, come here, come here.

Last chance, Charles,
quick, over the wall

before they see ya!

Charles?

Pick you up later.

-Mom, guess what.
-Uh, Mrs. Pembroke.

There's something wrong
here, isn't there?

-No, I wouldn't say...
-Wrong?

I wouldn't exactly say...

-Wrong.
-No.

What would you say exactly?

-I'd say...
-Wrong.

Right.

Lila, honey, I'm your
mother, I gave you life.

If you have any feelings
for me at all, please,

let there be
nothing wrong today.

Mom, wrong, today is the
rightest day of my life!

No more school
for three weeks.

-That's it?
-There's more.

Why?

Because Alexander Morgan
asked me to a movie, Mom.

My first date!

Your first date!

Lila!

Alexander Morgan!

Charles, it's her fir--

-When, Lila?
-Tonight!

No, tonight your
Grandma Irene

is coming in from Indiana.

I forgot.

No, no, you knew that, you've
known it all month--Charles.

I tried to tell
her, Mrs. Pembroke.

I said, "Your
grand from Indy."

Lila, get Alexander
on the phone.

Tell him you'll make
it another night.

I can't, he'll just
call Sally Stefanato

or Bonnie Tuber.

I want to be Alexander
Morgan's first date

and I want him
to be mine.

Yes, but your grandmother
only gets to see you

these three weeks out
of the whole year.

And you know how she
looks forward to it.

You get to see
Alexander every day.

I've never seen
him at night.

We're home!

-Lila, oh!
-Grandma Irene!

Oh, Lila, let me look.

You are gorgeous!

Just like Elizabeth Taylor
in National Velvet.

Oh, I've missed you so much!

We have to spend
every minute together.

-Jill!
-Irene!

Oh, Jill.

Oh, Jill.

Well, you're gorgeous,
just like Elizabeth Taylor

in Butterfield 8.

And look at the house,
the house is fabulous!

Oh, you should see it
when I get it cleaned up.

Is that Douglas?

Hi, Grandma.

Come give your
grandma a hug.

But take off the mask,

you know how I feel
about the mask.

Ah, there's the face I love.

Oh!

Come on, Grandma, my life's
flashing before my eyes.

Honestly, Stan.

Why you let him wear that
mask, I'll never know.

I think someone who loved
him would do him a favor

and snatch it off his head.

Mother, can we
get you anything

or would you like
to unpack first?

Well, I think I'd like to go
to my room and freshen up.

I'd be happy to
show you to it.

I sure know where it is.

-That's Charles.
-Hello.

Well, so this is the Charles
I've heard so much about.

♪

Charles, I do hope you
don't mind my asking you

to take down your little
college pennants and posters.

Oh, of course not.

This is going
to be your room

for the next three weeks

and you should be
comfortable, Mrs. Pembroke.

Well, thank you, Charles.

You know, I certainly
have heard a lot about you

from the children.

Over the phone and
in their letters.

Good, I hope.

Quite good.

In fact, you seem to hold

a very special place
in their hearts.

Well, we like each other.

I don't think I'd
just toss it off

as blithely as
that, Charles.

Sorry.

The children
mean a lot to me.

Charles.

Charles, I am 54 years old.

These children mean
everything to me.

See, all year long I look
forward to these three weeks

so, while I am very happy to
have made your acquaintance,

I must tell you,
I'm just as happy

that you're going
home for the holidays.

Because I would just hate
to have to compete with you

for their time.

See, while I'm here, I
want it all for myself.

You understand what
I'm telling you?

Yes.

-My room is your room.
-It always was.

Well, Merry Christmas and many
happy returns of the season.

See you next year!

Whoo.

Lila, I'm sorry, I know
how important your date

with Alexander is to you,
but you have to understand

how important you are
to Grandma Irene.

You know how much she loves
to spend her first night

catching up with you.

I know.

Mom.

Stan?

Not on my mother's
first night here.

But, she's gonna be
here three weeks.

What's one night?

Five percent.

Lila, every minute she
spends with her grandchildren

is important to her.

Dad, let me just go on
this one date tonight

and I promise I'll
handcuff myself to her

for the rest of my life.

[telephone ringing]

Hello?

Yes, this--

Dad?

Hi!

Where you calling from,
it sounds like you're

on the other side
of the world.

Snowed in, where?

Vermont?

You were visiting
Uncle Ralph?

A week?

Yeah but, Dad, that means
we won't be able to spend--

Well, I don't feel so
good about it either.

No, Dad, you're right, it
doesn't make any sense to--

No, Dad, you should
tell Mom to stop crying.

I'll be fine.

Yeah.

Well, when can we--

New Year's?

You've got a deal, Dad.

Okay, tell Mom
I miss you both.

Love you, too.

Bye.

♪

My parents are snowed in.

They said they'll meet
me for New Year's.

This is the first Christmas

I've ever spent
without my family.

Oh, Charles.

Stan, where's
Charles gonna go?

Gee, Jill, I don't know.

Well, where does a person
go when they can't be

with their family
for the holidays?

Well, I guess he
just has to stay

with his other family.

-Really?
-Of course.

Go unpack your bags.

Thank you, Mrs. Pembroke.

Thank you, sir.

Hey, Jason!

I've got news!

What, Charles?

-You're leaving now?
-No, I'm not leaving now.

As a matter of fact, I'm--

♪

♪

What, Charles?

What news do you have?

Uh...

Well, yes, tell us, Charles.

You will be spending the
holidays with your family,

won't you?

Yes, yes, I will.

Oh, well then, that's fine.

It's not exactly the news
I wanted to hear, Charles.

No, Jason, it's good news

because my family
is you this year.

I'm spending the
holiday with you.

-Really?
-Really.

Really?

Charles, I feel better!

I don't feel bad anymore.

It's a miracle!

Okay, Jason gets a miracle.

Is Lila asking
for a miracle?

No, all Lila is asking
for is permission.

Can I please go on
this date tonight, Dad?

Attention, Pembroke shoppers!

The Andromeda
Starchaser Planet-Eater.

Some assembly required,
batteries not included,

comes with all you see here.

Just thought
you'd like to know.

Stanley, I'm going
into the kitchen now

and make two cups of coffee.

One of them is not for me.

Do you understand
what I'm telling you?

[whistling]

She's telling me she's
expecting a guest?

If you'll excuse me, I'm
going into the kitchen now

to talk to my mommy.

I'm sorry, it slipped out.

I feel terrible.

The last thing in the
world I'd wanna do

is hurt Grandma's feelings.

Stanley, you know the
last thing in the world

I'd wanna do is
hurt your feelings.

But, I just have to tell
you that I cannot comprehend

the living arrangement
in this house.

Do you understand
what I'm telling you?

Mother, I'm 35 years old.

Stanley, I'm 54 years old.

Now, when your father died

and left me that
real estate office,

I didn't know anything
about working in the world.

All I knew about was raising
my family, but, Stanley,

that's all I needed to know

until all you children
were safely away at college.

That office never
took top priority.

You understand what
I'm telling you?

Yes.

Yes, I understand
what you're telling me,

but I don't think
you understand

what I'm telling you.

I understand that
I don't understand

how you can let your
wife make her work

such a top priority that
you have an outsider

raising my grandchildren.

You mean to tell me that
families are in cars

and in airplanes all
over the sky right now,

just so that they can
be with each other?

Yeah, that's why this is

everybody's favorite
time of year, Jason,

because you get to be
with the people you love.

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it, hold that.

-Merry Christmas!
-Hi, Charles!

Hey!

-Hi guys!
-Come on in.

-You ready to go, Charles?
-Oh, what a beautiful tree.

Oh, this is...

Oh, you didn't have
to buy presents.

Yes, she did.

Are you kidding, Charles,

this is our home
away from home.

I mean, you know you guys
have been our other family

all year long.

Hey, Charles, we should
really get going because

everybody in the world's
gonna be at the airport.

-Except Charles.
-What?

Well, my parents
are in Vermont.

They're snowed in.

And they have no way to
get home to Pennsylvania so,

I'm going to spend
another week here

and then meet them
for New Year's.

Charles is sharing
Christmas with us.

Yeah, I almost wish
I could do the same.

What's the matter, Buddy?

I was talking to some
of the hometown guys

and they're all bringing
pictures of girls they met

on campus and since
I really don't have

a steady girlfriend yet,

I don't have any
pictures to show.

Oh, Buddy.

I know what you're
going to say, Gwendolyn,

that it's not important
and believe it or not,

I agree with you.

Hey, he's made big strides

since he's met
you, Gwendolyn.

Well, it would've been
nice to have a picture

of a girlfriend to show.

Charles?

Think you'd mind, um--

Mm.

Come here, Buddy.

What?

Why are you asking
questions, Buddy, just do it.

-What?
-Ready?

Yes.

Merry Christmas, Buddy.

Gwendolyn!

Now what am I gonna get you?

I don't wanna know.

I can't wait to show my
friends this picture of me--

Don't you dare
use my real name!

Cece Lavanza.

[telephone rings]

Hello?

Lila, yeah, she's here,
who's calling, please?

Hold on.

This is it,
what do I do?

And you married this girl

even though she'd
made it perfectly clear

she wanted a career.

Mother, the fact
that she had a career

was one of the reasons
that I married her,

and I wish you'd
stop referring to her

as "this girl."

Jill has given me three
wonderful children.

Yes, and this Charles
is taking them away.

Mother, you're jealous.

Well, of course I am.

Why aren't you?

Well, I've never thought
of Charles as competition,

and lately, I've just
begun to think of him

as one of the family.

Now do you understand
what I'm telling you?

Yes, I understand
what you're telling me.

-What am I telling you?
-I'm not telling you.

Alexander's on the phone.

Now, Grandma,

everybody's been
giving me their opinions

on what I should do.

The only one that
matters now is yours.

-First date, huh?
-Uh huh.

Nice-looking boy?

Forget about it.

You know I want to spend
time with you, Lila.

I know.

You know it's a Grandma,
Lila tradition to spend

our first night
together, together.

You're right, I'll
tell him I can't go.

No!

You tell him you can go,

but the minute you
get home tonight,

I want you to come
straight to my room

and tell me about it first.

-You got it!
-Okay!

-Thanks, Grandma.
-Okay.

Charles?

What advice did you give
Lila about this date?

Well, Mr. and Mrs.
Pembroke are here.

Lila didn't need
my advice this time.

That's good.

Although, it was
Charles who told her

that the only opinion that
mattered now was Grandma's.

That's good, too.

And we can call this one

"Two girls who are old
enough to go on dates."

Smile!

And you can show this one
to your mother and father,

and tell them all about me.

Okay, I will.

Smile!

Charles, my
sneaker's untied.

Jason, I think you're getting
a little too old for this.

I have an idea,
why don't you set

a New Year's resolution
to tie your own sneakers?

But I can't get
the same size loops.

I know, but what's going
to happen when you grow up

and your shoe is untied,
and you hold it out to me

and your wife says,
"Who's this guy?"

Jason, I'll tie
it for you, honey.

But Charles ties it good.

Well, I'm sure he does

but, how would you like
to have your sneaker tied

by the same person who used
to tie your daddy's sneaker?

-Yeah!
-Yeah.

It goes like this.

One loop over,
one loop under.

Laces tied tight as thunder.

How do you like that?

Hey, you do it good, too.

You bet I do.

I also sh**t a mean basket.

Uh oh.

-Charles?
-Jason?

Do you have a big
house in Pennsylvania?

Well, not so big.

Used to be big.

What happened?

I grew up.

You've been there
every Christmas?

Every one.

Do you feel bad because
you've gotta be with us?

No.

I feel bad because
it's hard to be away

from the people you
love this time of year.

Makes you want to
go like this...

[groaning]

Uh huh, you were right.

I thought about this
real hard, Charles.

What to get you,

because I didn't
know what you needed.

But now I do.

And I've talked
to them, it's okay.

I decided to give
you my parents

for Christmas, Charles.

Then what'll you do, Jason?

-Grandma.
-Thank you.

I think that's
the nicest gift

anyone has ever given me.

It is?

♪

But you have to remember
to give them back.

I will.

♪

Oh.

I'm beginning to
feel better already.

♪ 'Tis the season
to be jolly ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Jason's here
and so is Charlie ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la ♪

Okay, I think I want to get
a picture of this group.

Pictures?

Pictures.

Buddy, you and Gwendolyn

over there by the
fireplace, okay?

Let's see now.

Hi, Gwendolyn.

Oh, yeah, that looks good.

♪

One...two...three.

♪

♪

It's for your own
good, darling.

Your grandma loves you.

It's okay, Grandma.

It's time to grow up and
throw away childish toys.

Okay, one more time,
stay in the same position.

A lot of smiles.

Everybody ready?

One...two...three.

♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days

and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs

and our rights ♪

♪ And I say I want

Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days

and our nights ♪

♪ And I say I want

Charles in charge of me ♪