01x09 - A Date with Enid

[bunniefuu]

♪ New boy in the neighborhood ♪

♪ Lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just
to take good care of me ♪

♪ Like he's one of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing ♪

♪ I want, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing ♪

♪ I want Charles
in charge of me ♪♪

♪

[knocking]

♪

[knocking]

Good morning, Charles.

Welcome to a rainy
Pembroke Sunday.

I'm glad to see you're so
well-rested from your day off

yesterday because all three kids
are gonna be in the house today,

plus Lila's friend Enid,
they're doing a study project

together and Mrs. Pembroke's
reviewing a new movie

and I'm taking today
to do a couple hundred

rainy day work things
around the house

that I've neglected
for too long.

[knocking]

I don't understand why I can't
go to Pizza Playland today!

Morning, Charles.

Jason, because it's
raining and you've been

to Pizza Playland
for the last 15 Sundays.

And you expect me
to quit cold turkey?

Charles, while I'm
taking care of all this,

you'll see to it that the
girls stay out of trouble

while you keep Jason
and Douglas out of trouble.

I keep out of trouble
so good at Pizza Playland!

[knocking]

What?

Jason, I would like you to
spend today with your family.

Give us a chance,
you'll like us.

Yeah, I wish I could spend
a day with you guys.

I have to race downtown
because I have a deadline

to review a movie I don't
know why I'm reviewing.

Good morning, Charles.

Then why doesn't everybody
come to Pizza Playland with me?

Pizza Playland is fun
for the entire family!

Every major newspaper
has panned this movie

and I have to leave my family
on a rainy Pembroke Sunday?

I don't even know
why I've been assigned.

♪ Pizza Playland,
Pizza Playland ♪

♪ It's a real happy day land ♪

♪ They get fun and 61

kinds of pizza
that they feed ya ♪

[knocking]

What?

What's everybody doing in here?

Hi, Charles.

If I don't like the movie,
I'm just another nail

in its coffin.

If I do like
the movie, I'm wrong.

What a choice.

-Bye.
-Goodbye.

Bye, bye, bye, Charles.

Now, look, I'd like everyone
to go out of their way

to be nice to Enid.

Now, I know she's a little
bit different, but then--

♪ Kinds of pizza
that they feed ya ♪

So are we.

Oh, and Charles,
while I'm taking care

of everything else
that needs doing,

I'd like you to
re-caulk your shower.

Oh, and also, could you
empty the fireplace

since a lot of the ash in it is
a memento of you and Gwendolyn

sitting by it?

Do you understand
what I'm telling you?

Right, okay, I'll take
Jason as my helper today

to spare you his
Pizza Playland withdrawal.

You take Douglas,
he loves rainy days.

He likes to sit by the window
and watch the puddles grow.

♪ It's got fun
and 61 kinds of pizza ♪♪

[door slams shut]

That was the strangest
dream I've ever had.

And this is Trog,
he's a troglodyte.

He was the star of
Troglodyte Boomtown.

Looks pretty gruesome.

No, Charles, he's a good guy.

He saves his entire village

from his evil
troglodyte relatives.

Well, that just goes
to show you, Douglas,

you can't judge
a book by its cover.

Well, except maybe this book.

Why do I have this urge
to caulk that shower?

What is it that attracts
you to that stuff, Douglas?

I'm not sure, Charles.

Ever since I can remember,
I've been drawn to the unique.

[doorbell chiming]

Fascinated by the uncommon,

mesmerized by the bizarre.

Hello, Enid.

Would you like to come
in out of the rain?

You don't like the rain?

Oh, I don't wanna get involved.

Why do I have this urge
to clean that fireplace?

Hello.

[humming]

♪ It's a real happy... ♪

What is that song?

Who's that girl, Charles?

Who?

Lila's friend,
the rain princess.

-Enid?
-Enid.

Enid!

No, Douglas, don't
do this to me today.

All I'm doing today is
cleaning the fireplace,

caulking the shower
in my bathroom,

then I'm gonna
watch the football game

and read the Sunday Times.

Enid...Enid...

Enid Pembroke.

I feel strange, Charles.

No, Douglas, I'm asking you.

You've held off
puberty for 12 years,

what's one more day?

I found the girl
of my dreams.

Enid?

Douglas, pardon me
for saying this,

and realize that I only
have your welfare in mind.

Now, I know you think that
she's the girl of your dreams,

but isn't she a little weird?

I have weird dreams.

And she likes the rain
and she said hello to me.

Oh, she's beautiful, Charles.

After we get through with you,
you're gonna be gorgeous, Enid.

I'm having second
thoughts about this, Lila.

What's there to
think about, Enid?

Everybody thinks
we're study partners,

nobody knows the real
reason you came over.

Not even my family.

Do you think I'm
doing the right thing?

Of course, you just wanna
see what you look like.

Maybe I could try on
one of your outfits?

Just to try on.

You could try on
whatever you like.

I've never wanted
to do this before.

While you and Sally Stefanato
and all the other pretty girls

in class were reading
Seventeen and Mademoiselle,

I was very happy
with my horse books.

Which lipstick do you
think you'd like?

Look at these names.

"Ipanema Plum."

"Love That Peach."

Why can't they have
real names, Lila?

"Lady Macbeth Red,"

the lipstick that
won't wash off.

You know, Enid,
once you become gorgeous,

you really won't
need an imagination

like that anymore.

Lila.

Yeah?

I've seen those movies
where the girl takes off

her glasses,
lets down her hair,

and gives her head a shake
and turns out pretty.

I've always wanted to
try it, but I never have.

Why not?

Because...

what if I don't turn out pretty?

♪

You're asking the wrong person.

I don't know anything
about love today.

Especially first love.

All I know is that I have
this overwhelming urge

to finish this
and caulk the shower

in my bathroom
and then I am going

to watch the football game.

So, please, Douglas, I've
never asked you for anything,

fall in love on a school day?

In this book about great lovers,

it says that Romeo and
Juliet died for each other.

Is dying for each other

necessary to express
love, Charles?

Not today.

I'm gonna research
renowned personalities

who set young ladies'
hearts aflame.

No, you're going to
help me finish this

so this doesn't set
this house aflame.

-Jason!
-It's out of control!

Well, turn it off!

Take your finger
off the trigger!

-Charles.
-Sir?

-I need your help up here.
-Yes, sir.

I didn't know how
to shut it off.

Jason's caulked up
the whole upstairs.

It's not my fault,
I'm out of my element!

You're in your own house!

You see, this never woulda
happened at Pizza Playland!

Charles, hurry before
this stuff hardens.

Charles, hurry
before this stuff hardens!

Jason, you got into
Lila's room, too?

No, I didn't get
into Lila's room!

-Charles!
-Mr. Pembroke, Lila's room!

It's a sad day in America
when a little boy is made

to feel "ostragied"
in his own home.

This is terrible.

Take a number.

I loved the movie.

Every critic in the world
hated this movie.

The ushers hated it.

Girl behind the candy
counter hated it.

I loved it.

I wanted to hate it so bad.

Now, what do I do?

Eat something.

Maybe I used a little
bit more mousse

than the directions said.

Okay, so maybe I rubbed
it in a little bit harder

than the directions said.

We're only trying to make Enid
look as pretty as she can be.

I like it.

You're changing her!

You're trying to make her
look like somebody Charles

would go out with.

Why are you trying to
ruin your perfect face?

This is your fault, Charles!

My fault?

Yes, 'cause now
she'll always try

and be beautiful
for guys like you

and she'll never know
how beautiful she was to me.

Now you did it, Charles.

Now you gotta fix
the fireplace,

the shower, and my
brother's broken heart.

How's Enid, Charles?

She's going to live, Douglas.

But what is she gonna look like?

Hard to say, her head
is still in the sink.

You mean they're still trying
to wash all that goop out?

Well, Lila's rinsed her three
times so far and her hair

still looks like something
I could hang my jacket on.

Jason, I would like
to congratulate you

on a fabulous job of
spreading this caulking

absolutely everywhere.

Just being
sarcastic, aren't you?

No, no, I'm simply marveling
at your thoroughness.

I think it is safe to say
that you've embedded caulking

so deeply into this carpet,
that it'll be gushing between

our toes long after you've
left for military school.

Hot towels, coming through!

Hi, Charles, how's Enid?

Still with Lila in surgery.

Too bad, I think she
should stay the way she is.

That way, we could
sit around the TV

and get better reception.

Watch it, you happen to be
talking about the woman I...

have new and
unidentifiable feelings for.

Trade.

-What?
-What?

I think it's time
we traded helpers.

How come?

Because both Douglas and I
need men of experience

to help us with
our tough jobs ahead.

Doing what?

Now that the caulking g*n
is available, Jason and I

are going to hurry up
and caulk my shower,

so I can be on time to
watch my football game.

You're gonna trust me
after this mess I made?

Of course I am, Jason.

Because now, you are
a man of experience

and it's up to you to show me

how not to make the
same mess you made.

-I'll do my best.
-I'm counting on it.

What about me, Charles?

Well, Douglas,
considering your new

and unidentifiable problem,

I think you need a man
of experience to help you

at least as much as I do.

Thanks, Charles.

Washing machine.

-Thanks, Charles.
-Okay, let's go.

[sighs]

Thanks, Charles.

♪ It's a real happy Playland ♪

♪ They got fun and 61... ♪♪

"Review, by Jill Pembroke.

This remake of Live and Breathe
has no apologies to make

to the original because it has
the same heart as the original."

Because your brother
is 12 years old.

-Hi, guys.
-Hi, Mrs. Pembroke.

And 12 years old
is right on schedule

for realizing that girls
are not exactly soft boys.

"And I like the original,
so why shouldn't I like this

no matter what
everyone else says?"

No good.

Well, how come I'm
only 10 years old

and I already realize that
girls aren't just soft boys?

Because 10 years old is
right on schedule for you.

Oh, and how old was
right on schedule for you?

-I was seven.
-My man!

I was so nervous when I
asked out my first date.

Mary Ellen Philo.

I was terrified.

What kind of girl was she?

In retrospect,
I'd love to say she had

a button nose and pigtails,
but she was actually

kind of nondescript.

Mary Ellen Philo was
a likely sort of girl

to be a guy's first date.

Actually, she was the first date

of a lot of guys in my class.

As a matter of fact, Douglas,
we'll be having a similar

sort of conversation
in a couple of years

where I'll be bringing up
Mary Ellen Philo's name again.

Dad, what if I ask her
and she says no?

Then you and I'll both
know that she's wrong.

Not good enough.

I'll look up Mary Ellen Philo
and see if she's got a daughter.

Jason, when you're caulking,
you only squirt out a little bit

and not a big glob.

You said you'd let me try.

And then, you can
fill it in there.

See, it's perfect.

When are you gonna let me try?

And we can be right on time

for the kickoff
of the football game.

You said you'd let me try!

I'm going to let you try, Jason,

but we've only got 100 cracks
left and we're flying.

We're flying, Jason!

Now come on, fill that in.

Fill that, fill that.

Hey, Jason, fill,
they're introducing the teams.

I'm on strike.

Why?

So, I over-caulked
a little upstairs.

That doesn't mean I'll
over-caulk down here!

You said I've got experience.

Give me a chance
to prove myself.

Otherwise, I'll have
to go through life

with people saying
behind my back,

"He's a nice guy,
but he over-caulks."

Okay, okay, I'm going
to give you this g*n,

but you sh**t it in...
you sh**t it in a crack

this long.

"Do."

You got it?

Just "do," okay?

Show me.

"Do."

Right, just a little bit.

Not how you used
to make model cars.

Not how you used to think
there was one tube of glue

for each piece.

You understand?

Just a "do."

Ready?

Set.

Go.

Douglas is asking
for his first date!

I'm sorry, Charles,
I didn't mean it!

It's okay, it's okay.

Douglas is asking
for his first date!

I obviously don't
understand life.

Is he upstairs?

[doorbell chiming]

[all]
Somebody get that.

[doorbell chiming]

I'll get it.

Hey, it's kickoff time, Charles.

Oh, Buddy, hi.

Look, I know I promised you
we'd watch the game together,

but I hope you won't mind

missing some
of the first quarter

because Douglas
is upstairs right now

asking for his first date
and it's very important.

All right, Douglas!

Shh, he's coming.

Act naturally.

[cheering]

[applause]

Okay!

You asked her, son?

Yup.

Atta way, Douglas!

You look younger, somehow.

What did she look like, Douglas?

I don't know, she still
had the towel on her head

and she wasn't facing me.

Oh, that's okay,
I get that all the time.

How do you know
she said yes, honey?

'Cause she went like this.

Yeah, that's good!

So, when's the date?

Twenty minutes.

Kid works fast.

Where, Douglas?

Kitchen.

Orange juice and conversation.

[sounds of game on TV]

Is this a terrific family
I work for or what, Buddy?

Mr. Pembroke was so happy
that I cleaned the fireplace

and caulked my shower
and worked on a Sunday

that he insisted he'd clean up
the mess Jason made in there

and we'd get to watch the game.

I'm liking these
people more and more.

Hey, Charlesie, isn't it
about time for Douglas' date?

Yeah, and she's late.

Is this a natural
occurrence, Charles?

It's not unheard of, Douglas.

I give her two hours.

Gentlemen and gentlemen,

introducing the new
and improved Enid!

Hello.

We tried a lot of mousse,

Enid didn't need
a lot of mousse.

We tried a lot of makeup,

Enid didn't need
a lot of makeup.

All Enid needed to do
was take off her glasses

and go like this.

Show 'em.

-Enid.
-Wow.

You look very pretty.

What's the matter, Enid?

All this time,
I never thought

that that would be
important to hear,

but it is.

Thank you.

Thank you, Lila.

Oh, do I feel good!

This is the best
feeling I've ever felt.

Charles, do you actually
get to feel this way

when you do
something good for me?

And you feel this good when
you do something good for Jason?

And you feel this good
when you do something good

for Douglas?

Then you owe us, Charles.

Uh, Lila.

I had a wonderful time,
thank you again for everything.

Where are you going, Enid?

Home.

I wanna show myself to
my mother and my father

and I want them to put
a mirror in my room.

Douglas?

She came in, she sat down,

she smiled at me.

She's not my type anymore.

Douglas, it's good
that she smiled at you.

She smiled at me because
she was happy she changed.

Oh, Douglas, this is my fault.

Then you'll change her back?

-No.
-Why not?

Because Enid is
happier this way.

But she's not natural this way.

Yes, she is, Douglas.

And you should know
better than everybody.

It has to do
with evolution.

All living things must evolve

in order to stay alive
or else they'll die off.

Like your troglodytes.

It's like the
caterpillars you love.

You can't understand why
they become butterflies.

You think they do it
just to get you mad,

but they don't.

They do it because they
need to to go on living.

Then, why do I still love
caterpillars better

than butterflies, Charles?

Because you're not ready
to appreciate butterflies yet,

Douglas, but you will,
in your own time.

But they fly away
and you can't catch 'em.

You'll learn to appreciate
that, too, Douglas.

I'd just like to
sit here a minute.

Okay.

Charles?

Lila, you did what was right.

You should be very
proud of yourself.

You're not trying
to make me feel good

just so you can
feel good, are you?

Ooh, the game is on, come on.

Come on, come on!

Come on, show us
the cheerleaders!

Hey, Charles, whatever
happened with Douglas' date?

-It's over.
-What?

Mr. Pembroke, Douglas
is a very smart young man.

I mean, he finds beauty
in places most people

wouldn't even bother to look.

He didn't really
wanna talk to me.

Well, I wanna talk to
him because he's right.

What are you gonna tell him?

I'm gonna tell him I love
him and I agree with him,

and I'm gonna tell him
about something I thought

was good that nobody else did,

then I'm gonna write it for the
newspaper so everyone can know.

Don't you think we should do
something for Douglas, too?

Yes, I think we
should all go out

and spend the rest of
the afternoon together.

I've got it!

I've had this song
in my head all day

and I just figured
out what it was!

We should all go
to Pizza Playland!

Pizza Playland!

-All right, let's go.
-Here we go.

♪

Do I have to?

♪

♪ It's a real happy day land ♪

Please, oh, please, oh,
please, stop singing that song.

Uh, one, two, three, four,

♪ My country tis of thee ♪

This is gonna go on for days.

It's like when you
go to Disney World,

you sing "It's a Small
World After All"

for three months.

There's nothing
you can do about it.

I love it when we spend
the whole day together.

I hope we don't have to wait
till the next rainy Sunday

to do it again.

Oh, the day's
not over yet, Jill.

There's still time to enjoy
our beautiful, clean fireplace

in our beautiful, clean home.

And beautiful, clean children.

And the wonderful Charles.

[clears throat]

And Buddy.

Thank you.

So far, I've tasted 60
out of the 61 kinds

of pizza they got there.

Really, Jason, which one
haven't you tried yet?

Sushi pizza.

I'm a little afraid of that one.

I can't say that I blame you.

You don't like sushi, Charles?

Raw fish?

No, I've never
tried it, thanks.

Why not?

Well, it has to do with what
I was telling Douglas about.

You know who eats raw fish?

Other fish.

Know why?

No choice.

They would rather
eat anything else.

Why do you think
they jump at worms?

Cavemen ate raw fish,
you know why?

No fire.

But as soon as they got fire,
you know what they ate?

Cooked fish?

No, raw fish in
front of the fire.

[laughing]

But the Japanese like raw fish.

Buddy, they hate raw fish,

why do you think they
invented the hibachi?

It's evolution.

Hey, Douglas, how's
your evolution coming?

What are you reading?

Just some book I picked up
at the Playland bookstore.

Oh, yeah, worth
taking a look at?

Time will tell.

"Everything you've always
wanted to know about...

butterflies."

♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing ♪

♪ I want Charles
in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

♪ And I sing ♪

♪ I want Charles
in charge of me ♪♪