[deep rumbling]
[man]
What was that groaning sound?
[expl*si*n]
[man 2] What the hell was that?!
We've been hit?
Status?!
Mayday, mayday, mayday.
This is Captain Tim Olson
of the Royal Australian Navy.
Does anyone copy?
[woman] Sir, they've done
something to the NavCom.
It's not working, no readings.
We can't be in
the middle of the ocean.
We're nearly in sight of Russia.
Tyler, get eyes topside.
I need to know if
anything's moving up there.
-Hostiles, friendlies, anyone.
-Yes, sir.
-You got 'em?
-Got 'em.
[tense music]
Arrgh!
[roars]
Bradley. Damage report?
The hull's intact, sir,
but we're stuck under that...
creature.
Maybe high tide will help?
Line. Give me the line, please.
Uh... "Can we restart?
Why don't I even hear
the engine anymore?"
Well, can we restart?
I mean, why aren't I even
hearing the engine anymore?
The engine's dead.
They dumped all the fuel.
-Cut.
-We're clear.
-Not bad.
-[woman] Pretty damn good.
[laughs]
That last bit just got me.
Other than that it was alright.
[woman] That's okay,
because you're panicked.
Yeah, yeah.
[woman] Also, Anthony,
do I need to go over there then?
As he says 'execute'
you rush over.
Yeah, hands off.
[man, VO] Every great director
has to start somewhere.
[woman]
Okay, guys, let's turn over.
So there's no shame
starting at the bottom.
Hello?
Cut.
"I don't care how..."
For f*ck's sake.
"I don't care
how near Russia is."
And... action.
They say, find a job you love
and you'll never
work a day in your life.
...how far we are
or how near we are...
Ah, for f*ck's sake!
But after this,
I might never work again.
-[man] Sorry.
-[woman] From the top?
From the top. Still rolling...
-And...
-[man] Action!
[man] Maybe, uh,
put them in there.
[woman] Yeah? Oh, no, that's...
[man laughs]
What's Mom doing?
[baby coos]
Alright. Cool your jets.
[coos]
[Karlye] Pooee!
Pooee! You stink too much.
[Anthony, VO]
I always thought
I was destined for greatness.
And in many ways, life is great.
I wouldn't change
a single thing.
Okay, maybe one thing.
My job.
I'm a director.
Of corporate videos.
The saddest thing
is I still introduce myself
as Anthony Frith, filmmaker,
when all I do is make training
videos and safety modules.
I wanted to be
a real director by now.
Following in the footsteps
of my idols,
visionaries
who put their fingerprints
on every single frame.
Each film uniquely crafted
under their
full creative control.
I always imagined myself
breaking out in Hollywood
making a smash hit movie,
winning awards,
and seeing my name
among the greats.
Maybe that was
a bit of a long shot.
But I know I can
be a great director.
It's been my dream
since I was a kid.
You're weird.
You were a bit weird.
Out of all four of you,
probably the
weirdest out of all of them.
[laughs]
We used to think, "We're not
really sure where he came from."
[Warren] Strange.
When you used to be
in your room all the time
and you just
used to laugh at yourself
and everyone
was just like, "Okay."
[Anthony, VO] I was that kid
who never stopped making things.
And I fell in love
with filmmaking.
So I went to film school.
I had some early wins.
Got my name out here.
Okay, wow! Oh, wow!
This is really...
This is bad news.
I even got to
work with my heroes.
It was all so exciting.
But that was
quite a while ago now.
And it all led to nothing.
My next step was
supposed to be a feature film.
Check out this one.
Our assessors felt
that the theme and content
of your project
may upset and offend
some people.
This movie isn't doable.
Your idea is too
far ahead of its time.
Have you thought about
going back to film school?
Our standards
are higher than this."
And that's how
my career's going.
Then life seemed to take over.
Does it look sh*t?
I had bigger things
to think about.
And look forward to.
[Anthony laughs]
[Karlye] I think it had to
be the other way, the seat.
I had to do
the responsible thing
and figure out
how to make a living
while enjoying
this new phase of my life.
So my aspirations
have taken a back seat.
And the last film I released was
'Commercial
Decontamination Solutions',
a corporate video
for my parents.
Maybe I should just be grateful
I get paid to make anything.
But I can't shake this feeling
that I could still
be a real director.
Do you want me
to do a somersault?
Whoa! That's good, Emmy!
Well done, sweetie.
[Anthony] Why don't we start
with our videos we used to make?
Yeah, why did we
even start doing them?
Because you had,
on your Samsung phone...
Had you started studying film?
Or was this prior?
I think it was before
I started studying.
I remember you had a Samsung
and you were...
We made that, um...
[child]
Can you please watch this?
Okay, I'm watching.
That's nothing.
No, it was good.
Well done, sweetie.
Yeah, yeah. And then
I bought the Canon DSLR.
That was after
you started studying.
Yeah, during, I think.
And the rest is history.
[music plays]
Couldn't believe it.
So handsome back then.
Look at us.
Actually,
I think you've aged well.
I look so different
because I had hair.
[Anthony, VO]
When I was younger
I always hoped that just maybe
one of our videos
would go viral.
This never made any sense!
Why Grant could fly?
Why I'm sitting like that.
[laughs]
That something would finally
launch me into making movies.
He's so shy!
But all the views were just us.
And my mom.
He's so cute. He's
a little bit sexy, that boy.
Short, sharp, sweet.
It's a good one.
Nothing has ever felt as good
as just doing what I loved.
There has to be a way
I can wrestle my dream
back from the dead.
But no production company
is going to hire
the director of 'Understanding
Bereavement Leave'
to take the helm
of their next big budget film.
Then it dawned on me.
The solution was staring me
in the face this entire time.
My guilty pleasure...
bad movies.
It was kind of shameless.
But I decided to reach out
to The Asylum,
one of my favorite
production companies,
who don't make great movies.
Come on!
But at least
they make a lot of them.
They're known for making
cheap clones of Hollywood hits
like 'Transmorphers'
and 'The Fast and the Fierce'.
They call them 'mockbusters'.
They're also
behind the smash hit
'Sharknado' franchise.
And they've made hundreds
of schlocky genre flicks.
Every Asylum film
is either a mockbuster...
...a reboot of
a public domain work
or a blatant cash grab.
[man screams]
Surely, they're always
on the hunt for new directors.
So...
[laughs]
I just asked this company
if they'd let me direct a film
and they said yes.
Like, after all that
I just had to ask someone?
Whoo! Bu-bu-bu!
Whoa! Bom-bom-bom...
Honestly, I was expecting
another rejection.
Bom-bom-bom.
But they said they've got
the perfect film for Australia.
And they want
to sh**t it next month.
The catch is
I'll need to find a local
production company to help.
But I don't really know any.
First, I'll need to
go to LA next week
to get a handle
on what this film actually is.
So if I'm going to do this,
I'll have to commit to it
pretty quickly.
[fish, onscreen] Bad, bad, bad!
What do you think
of 'Izzie's Way Home'?
But this decision,
it's not just about me anymore.
Do you think me making
the Asylum movie's a good idea?
Yeah. Of course.
It's so you.
Did you think when we first met
and I want so desperate
to make a feature film
did you think I was
gonna make a bad one?
Like a good bad one?
-Or a bad one?
-A bad bad one!
No. Not possible with you.
Anything you make's
gonna be good.
A bad movie's
better than no movie.
Exactly.
I've decided to roll the dice
and call it quits
on my corporate video career.
So I'm chasing this dream
one last time.
I need to know
what this company sees in me.
And why no-one else saw it.
-[knocking on door]
-[man] Yeah?
-David?
-Oh! Hey.
-Nice to finally meet you.
-Oh!
-Uh... Anthony!
-Yeah.
-Oh, hey! How's it going?
-Yeah, good.
-Uh... You're in from Australia.
-Yes, yep.
-Have you seen The Asylum?
-No.
-Do you wanna see The Asylum?
-Yeah. I'd love to.
[David]
We're sh**ting an alien movie.
So you'll fit right at home.
Uh... We have random people
all over the place.
-Mostly homeless.
-[laughs]
Don't talk to them.
Don't look people in the eye.
I don't know
half the people here.
..everything, for God's sake.
[man] Action!
We make shitty movies
for people with bad taste
and alcoholics.
The Asylum has
produced over 300 movies now.
Brian Grazer called us
"the pollution of Hollywood".
You know, you just
have to kind of deal with it
but you don't want it.
So we're, I guess, annoying.
[Paul Bales] I don't think that
Hollywood knows that we exist.
And so we very much
fly under the radar.
We're... you know,
barely above porn.
Well, come on back here.
[David] Oh, look at this.
We're in command central.
[Anthony] The crown jewel?
Alright,
so you probably wanna know
what movie you're gonna direct.
Alright, you're
gonna be directing a film
called
'The Land That Time Forgot'.
-Okay.
-Alright.
It is what we call
a six-day special.
And it's called
a six-day special because
you have six days
to make this movie.
-Alright?
-Okay.
Yeah.
When do we sh**t?
I think we're supposed
to be sh**ting in a few weeks.
Now, that said, we don't
have a script at the moment.
Although I think the script's
coming in in about a week.
Okay. [laughs]
Yeah. Uh... There's
probably a lot to discuss
about how to do this thing.
Why do you want to do this?
Well, you gotta start somewhere.
Now, we did make a movie
'The Land That Time Forgot'
a number of years ago.
You should take a look at that.
See how that went.
[Anthony] Can I ask why you're
making the same movie again?
That's the dumbest question
I ever heard. Wow.
I'm not gonna even answer that
question 'coz that is stupid.
'The Land That Time Forgot'
is, obviously,
based on a classic story
that's in the public domain
and one that we
had adapted previously
because anything with dinosaurs
is a go.
[roars]
[man] Go on!
Nooooo!
[Anthony, VO]
I can't believe
they make these movies
in six days...
[roars]
...without cutting any corners.
Okay, maybe a few snips
here and there.
And don't normal Hollywood
movies take months to sh**t?
Surely, more time
equals a better movie.
Why do you do this?
[laughs] Money.
It's real simple math.
We know how much
we're gonna sell the film for,
and my partners say, "Don't
make it for more than this."
When the revenue
from one movie comes in
we use it to finance
the next movie.
[Paul Bales]
So, as a result of this
we have, for the most part,
never lost money on a movie.
Look out!
The trick is really
just to make the movie
for less than
you're gonna earn.
A regular Hollywood movie
will cost
anywhere from
30 million dollars
to a quarter
of a billion dollars
whereas an Asylum movie
will cost
a quarter million dollars
to about a million dollars.
The studios, in my opinion,
make very shitty movies.
But they make very shitty movies
for millions and millions
of dollars.
We make shitty movies
but we make them
at the right price
and the right length -
90 minutes -
which is as long
as any movie should be.
I'm talking to you,
James Cameron.
And then everything else can be
shot over each other's shoulder.
We're trying to populate,
like, a scene.
And, because of the glasses
thing you've got
would you mind helping us out
being maybe, like, a nurse?
[Anthony, VO]
I've never felt comfortable
being in front of the camera.
171 Alpha take one. Mark.
But at least I can see how
this all works from the inside.
Can't believe
you two got here so fast.
[man] We were right by
an air base, Dad.
It was easy to hitch a ride.
While it's my first role,
my co-star has been
in over 250 movies.
That is my understanding
at this time.
That means there
must be some way
to disrupt their
electromagnetic field.
[g*nsh*t]
[man] Action!
It's intimidating
to be in the presence
of Asylum royalty.
-How'd I do?
-Hmm?
-How'd I do?
-You did good.
Looked like you'd been wrapping
up fractured hands for a while.
[laughs] Yeah, great.
You're also right.
It didn't matter that
there were aliens inside.
But now I see how they
make these movies in six days.
I can't believe
you two got here so fast.
I thought this would be chaos.
But this crew,
they knew their stuff.
Cut!
Ladies and gentlemen,
that is a wrap on Day Five!
[applause and cheering]
Can I have your autograph?
You did awesome, man. Thank you.
-Yeah, you did good!
-I tried.
Did good for short notice, man.
If they're blown away
by my acting
wait until they see me direct.
[stirring music plays]
My first Asylum experience
was a real eye opener.
[man] Can't believe
you two got here so fast.
We were right by an air base,
Dad.
Hopefully, I made the final cut.
But I still have
a lot of questions
about the film I'm making.
Like, what happens in it?
Instead of a script
I've been given
this piece of paper
with a few key plot points
and character names on it.
[man] So, you read the
one-pager. What did you think?
[laughs]
Um... Yeah.
It's not what I expected.
I mean, finding
a jungle might be hard.
Yeah.
There's two submarines
and a U-boat.
Are you panicked yet?
A little more so, now.
Okay.
It'll be a fun movie,
though. It'll be cool.
Just know the story in and out.
I've seen a lot of directors
try and,
you know, kind of say,
"I am Scorsese and this movie
will be amazing and awesome."
And they'll fight the process.
And it's, like,
you can't do that.
If you go with the process,
you have a chance
to make a fun Asylum film.
If you fight it, your movie
will be clunky and weird.
You know, all that.
So, honestly, you'll be fine.
But I want this to be my film.
It sounds like
they just want it
to look like
everything else they make.
This isn't what I dreamt of.
[Brendan] Good morning.
I can't stay awake.
Honestly, I thought
I'd be able to do this my way.
That's why I came here.
But now I'm worried if I enter
the trash cinema basement
I'll smell like it forever.
So it's time to talk to someone
whose work ranges
from the bargain bin
to the box office.
A man who's an Asylum regular
and an Oscar nominee.
What are you drinking? Your tea?
Rum.
Anyway. [laughs]
Eric's a prolific Hollywood icon
with over 800 movies
to his name
Including 50 Asylum titles.
I hope you have good news.
If there is an upcoming movie
you want to see
chances are he's in it.
I'm actually directing a film
for The Asylum.
And it's my
first ever feature film.
-Congratulations!
-Yeah.
When you say
your first feature
what have you been doing?
Music videos, commercials?
Yeah, some short films,
corporate videos.
If they're gonna hand you
a project and say go,
they mean it's your project.
Go.
And they're really cool
that way.
But it's a lot of pressure
on you.
Keep talking,
I'll be right back.
What? Eric?! We're filming!
I just wanna change glasses.
Oh, okay.
It's okay. I'm right here.
I think you'll
get a lot of support.
And also you can be creative.
There's a format and a formula
but there aren't a lot of rules.
[laughs]
So you can really have fun.
Now, Tolbert!
If this thing turns back for us,
we're in trouble.
'Coz you've been in huge-budget
Hollywood movies
and then tiny-budget
Asylum movies...
what's the difference?
There is no difference
for the actor.
It's all the same process.
You do your homework at home.
You arrive ready to go.
You dress, go to make-up,
they tell you where to stand.
And you act.
Okay, you sons of b*tches!
Come and get me!
The only real difference is
if you're on 'Dark Knight'
and you have the old zeppelin
hanger 30 miles north of London
and it's all Gotham City
as you walk in,
oh, my God!
It's a movie geek's paradise.
As opposed to
a stool and a desk.
But that's the only difference.
If I mess up this movie,
is that it for me, do you think?
[Eliza] No!
I don't think
you can screw it up.
Just don't take it
too seriously.
-Oh, you can screw it up.
-No, he can't.
Nah, you can screw anything up.
But you're not going to.
Because it's gonna be
so much fun for you.
And you're gonna realize
that Orson Welles was right.
It's a great, big train set
and it's so much fun
to make it all go right.
And... action.
If Asylum movies are good enough
for a legend like Eric Roberts
then they're
definitely good enough
for an unemployed
corporate video director.
It is strange, though.
The Asylum never
asked to see my work.
But I guess you don't
make movies for decades
without having
an eye for spotting talent.
Considering
I've never made a movie
why are you letting me
make one?
It's because you asked.
The trick for us
is to find people
that are new to the industry
and don't know
that it's impossible
to make a movie in six days.
Let me find you a contract.
Here.
If you blow it
on an Asylum movie
I think you've basically
crippled your career
and that's on you.
You clearly have
some mental problems
that make you want to do this.
And we get a movie out of it.
Are you sure
you want to work with us?
-[laughs]
-[Anthony] I am.
Alright, I'll make a copy.
There you go.
Welcome to The Asylum.
[Anthony, VO] It's exciting
to be officially on board.
But apparently
I still have a lot to organize
before I leave LA.
So The Asylum
assigned Brendan as producer.
His entire job is to stop me
from going off the rails.
You could use
the dead body up there.
That's always beneficial.
-You can have...
-A few g*ns.
A few g*ns.
I don't know.
Americans seem to like them.
He'll be supervising production
from LA.
And, most importantly,
he's in charge
of finding an actual star
who can make people
take this movie seriously.
-Yeah, it's got some heft.
-Right?
[Brendan] So, when
it comes to casting this movie
we have a list of names
and we wanted your opinion
on a few people.
So, Anthony here knows a whole
bunch of people in Australia
so we want to know
if they'll work for this.
I don't know them personally.
But they're just names
that could work.
-Right.
-Like Paul Hogan?
Crocodile Dundee.
Okay. No question.
Bindi Irwin.
[sighs] Now you're
just getting me excited.
[chuckles]
What about, uh...
Yahoo Serious?
-That's tough.
-Wouldn't work?
-Paired? Maybe.
-Paired, yes.
-With another celebrity?
-Yeah.
-You'd have to get two people.
-One thing to consider.
Were you able to confirm
that you'd be able to have
kangaroos in the movie?
Um...
Yeah. We can
probably manage that.
-Ooh! Koalas!
-Yeah.
That's a must.
-That's easier.
-Okay.
They all have chlamydia.
-I saw that on TikTok.
-Every single...?
-That koalas have chlamydia.
-And every Australian as well.
[laughs] That's perfect.
That's good.
[laughs]
[Anthony, VO]
So, now that we have a shortlist
I need to fully master
The Asylum way.
So how many Asylum films
have you seen?
[blows air] Like 25 to 30.
-Maybe 40.
-That's disappointing.
You have to see
at least 100 to 200
before you call yourself a fan.
Let's go all the way down here
to, like, the Syfy days.
'Road Wars'.
I haven't seen that
but I've seen 'Mad Max'.
-I love that.
-Ha!
Who is it that's driving the car
that you drove five years ago?!
I don't know!
LIAR!
With Syfy
we did zombie films
I haven't seen that one.
See, you should probably
take that with you.
You have a lot
of research to do.
No.
No!
[screams]
More infamously,
have you seen 'Shark Waters'?
Move!
[screams]
That will be the
start of your homework.
[laughs]
[Anthony, VO]
It's clear The Asylum
have a specific set of rules.
They all feature
a vaguely familiar star,
the occasional use of CGI,
tedious monologues,
ridiculous plots,
cheesy action,
and, thankfully,
they're all under 90 minutes.
These movies all feel the same.
But I do see the potential.
If I master the formula
and twist it just enough
I can turn the familiar
into the unforgettable.
What films have
you written for The Asylum?
Well, I had a string
of meteor disaster movies
that I'd written.
One was 'Collision Earth'.
'Meteor Moon'.
The Moon gets crashed into,
that turns into a meteor.
It's gonna crash into the Earth.
'Moon Crash'.
Similar to 'Meteor Moon'.
It's all mostly marketing
that really
brings our viewers in.
So it's gotta
have a catchy title
and catchy artwork.
Nobody's really looking
for an Asylum title.
They're sort of
scrolling and scrolling
and then it's, like,
Great! 'The Land Before Time'.
You know what I mean?
Let's watch this. Sure.
One of yours
is called 'Methgator', right?
That's right, yeah.
And what was that about?
It's in the title,
thank goodness.
There's no subtlety.
Alligator eats a bunch of meth,
slaughters a bunch of people.
I'm sorry for the spoilers.
A lot of people
can do big-budget films.
Easy. Anytime there's a problem
you throw a little bit of money.
Not anybody can
produce an Asylum film.
And succeed. And do it well.
There's a very
high whiplash factor.
So there's a lot of
being like on top of the world
and then the next morning
it all goes to sh*t.
And then you're really mad
and suicidal.
And then something good happens
and then you're feeling
really good about that.
Then you're, like,
wait a minute.
Am I being naive
feeling good about this?
And then turns out you are,
'coz something horrible happens.
What's the balance between
art and commerce at The Asylum?
[laughs] Uh...
It's subject
to time constraints,
budget constraints
the notes we're getting
from upstairs.
Is it my movie? Not really.
You know what I mean?
You just have to accept that.
It's commerce.
If there is artistry involved
there's definitely
the visual effects department.
[man]
We've got five people on staff
and we have 10 freelancers.
So, basically
it's all hands on deck
and we do what we have to.
And if you watch,
you will see what we do.
So, there's the shark. Oh!
It gets attacked by a dolphin.
So, there's the animation.
There's the wire frame
of the dolphin and the shark.
This is what we do
for every shot.
When a director
doesn't know the difference
between better and different
we get into trouble.
"What if it did this?"
Well, that shot's done.
"Yeah,
but what if it did this?"
Oh, my God. Pick your battles.
You guys make your movie
in seven days for seven dollars.
I have to do
the equivalent of that in post.
"But my vision, my art!"
I got three weeks.
I know you wanna make
your artsy fartsy film.
We don't have
the time and budget for it.
[cat meows]
So, our door is always open.
My phone's never off.
Thank you for checking.
Even if this movie
isn't exactly my dream project
it can put me on the right path.
If I nail it,
I could be the next big thing
out of The Asylum.
That's not something
to take on lightly.
You guys got everything you
need? You need anything else?
Do you have any final
words of advice or warning?
Don't do it. Run. Um...
It'll be over
before you know it.
Try and enjoy it while you can.
It's gonna be very stressful.
Go with the flow.
Just make sure
the actors know their lines.
The more authentic things look,
the better.
Alright.
-Thanks again.
-Good travels. Alright?
Thanks for the opportunity.
I look forward
to seeing the dailies
and, uh...
Good luck!
[upbeat music]
I've been back a week already
and still don't have a script.
There's not really much
I can do without the script.
So, I can't get cast,
I can't get crew.
I can't get locations.
I assume it's all happening.
[laughs]
I haven't heard otherwise.
But it's starting to feel like
LA was some weird fever dream...
Some prank.
Like, you'd think, if you're
making a movie in six days
you'd give the filmmakers
more time to prepare.
[laughs]
But they don't.
[phone rings]
[phone rings]
-[Brendan] Hello, Anthony.
-Hey, how are you doin'?
I'm good. Just, you know,
just working over this budget.
-How are you doin'?
-Yeah, not too bad.
Do you know when
the script's coming through?
That is a great question.
You know, it is delayed.
They are doing another pass
with more notes and stuff.
But you have the one-pager.
The film's always
gonna stick to the one-pager.
-Okay.
-So you're not walking blind.
You're just walking...
slightly blind.
Alright. Thanks for that.
Of course!
Chat soon. Catch ya.
Bye!
[Anthony, VO]
No-one's gonna take me seriously
without a script.
But I can't keep waiting for it.
"Have you ever dreamed of
working on a Hollywood movie?
Well, now's your chance."
Part of the deal
is that I find a local producer,
someone who can
do all the boring stuff
like insurance and contracting.
"I haven't seen a script yet.
We sh**t in a few weeks.
Production will take six days."
But mostly someone else
who believes in this movie.
I don't know where to start.
But there's no script,
no budget.
We're kind of starting
from square one here.
You mentioned you
may have read a one-pager?
Yeah. I can't make sense of it.
Oh.
And it makes less sense
with every readthrough.
There's someone
with a dying mother.
-What?
-[laughs]
Someone's mom's in hospital,
they're trying to get back to...
Oh, okay.
It's pretty jam-packed.
Does this worry you?
The filmmaker in me... [laughs]
knows that this is a bad idea.
It'll be a hellish week
and we'll come out of this
as ragged husks.
[both laugh]
This is wild.
-Yep.
-Mmm.
I think the script
and the budget
will be the next question,
really.
[Anthony, VO]
I'm trying to play it cool
and not let on
how desperate I am.
But without a local production
company to oversee the sh**t
The Asylum
will pull the plug on me.
[clears throat]
"Exterior. Ocean, day.
A US Navy barge moves
through the vast Bering Sea
with no land
or other sign of life in sight."
Finally. The script came in.
It feels... ambitious.
I'm nine pages in.
There's been, like...
explosions, dinosaurs,
submarines
about six characters, wet suits
underwater shots.
[laughs]
"Maybe this is hell.
Maybe we already died.
That's why Ahm says
we can't get off this island.
It'll be like this for eternity.
I'll never see my mom again."
There's 34 locations.
We're gonna have
to find a forest and-or woods
that can play as every location.
Otherwise this is impossible.
Welcome to the land that...
no-one knew was there.
There's a lot we can do here.
Getting pulled down
by the T-rex?
Yeah, totally. That
looks like a sheer cliff face.
[laughs] It's great.
The magic of cinema.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
You know.
It's not my call but...
It's relatively safe.
Relatively.
Whoa!
Alright, come up here, Aaron.
Have a little geez, mate.
Look at this.
From here, where you are, look.
I'm gonna go deeper
into the cave.
Ha-ha! Oh, yeah!
Oh, man. And I'm gonna...
And if you sh**t
even from there...
I'm gonna go deeper
into the cave now, Anthony.
If I don't come back...
call my mom.
Ohh! Hello! Hello!
-Right?
-Yeah.
You know, wide shot down here.
Whoa, the wind.
I think I found the perfect
director of photography.
Even here's a little shot.
Do you think? The rocks.
And it seems like
he really understands
my vision for this film.
This is amazing.
Yeah.
You can't get that in Burbank.
But without Tom on board
Aaron's hesitant
to make this official.
Thankfully,
negotiations are going great.
Just silly.
Tom's on the hook.
Brendan just sent an email,
by the way.
What did he say?
Changes.
Second AD - one prep day.
PA - one prep day, one wrap day.
DP - one prep day.
-That's f*cking crazy.
-Nah, nah, nah.
That's not good enough.
But this is his first real look
at the budget.
And he's not amused.
I don't mean to alarm anyone
but that's not doable.
Not even funny ha-ha.
-Like, that's...
-Impossible.
That's just...
I'd, like... We can't do it.
Like, actually.
What are the expectations?
I want a product
but I'm giving you
no money and no time.
Make the thing.
[somber music plays]
Do you have a Plan B?
[laughs]
Not really.
Sorry.
I'm so sorry.
And mostly I'm just upset
for you.
'Coz this is really important.
It's like everything I made
up to this
has just been
friends getting together
and making something for the
love of just making something.
And now it's, like, we
have to worry about insurance
and contracts and cast
and all these f*ck' things
that you just never think about.
So without a producer
we don't have the movie.
I don't know
what the f*ck to do.
This just went
from difficult to impossible.
With Tom out of the picture
and no production company
backing me
I'm not holding up
my end of the bargain.
Yeah.
I'm scared to tell The Asylum.
No, he's not doing it.
I just can't let them
take this film away from me.
They decided
there's only one solution left..
They're sending over
their enforcer.
How are you doin'?
A little tired.
So this is
the Adelaide airport?
I love that.
You might get
a glimpse of the city.
[sighs]
I think I'm nervous about
getting everything together
in time.
'Coz it's really...
Today's Wednesday.
We were planning
to sh**t Tuesday.
And nothing's really locked yet.
-Yep.
-Is this normal?
Very much.
I mean,
why do you keep doing it?
Because it's addicting.
You know, what, last week
I was doing,
like, a fantasy medieval movie.
And now I'm doing,
like, a modern
jungle island adventure film.
I have an ulcer from the stress
in the back of my throat.
Oh, my God.
Welcome to Asylum.
[laughs]
My movie lives
to fight another day.
It's, like,
this little number here
has to go...
to that.
Now I don't need to find
a local production company.
Because I basically
have The Asylum here with me.
You can just chop
here, here, here,
like, all three of these
don't need 'em.
Brendan knows how
to get the numbers working.
The Asylum way.
I've literally seen
the impossible happen.
I've made
the impossible happen.
So for me,
I'm just like, "It's fine."
But it's just like
explaining to someone else
who's just not used to that,
you know....
You can do this. It's possible.
Mentally not easy, but...
[laughs]
It's how we do it.
[hopeful music]
Thankfully, there
was still room in the budget
for some crew.
I'm here with Brendan, who's
a producer from The Asylum
talking about potential crew
for our sh**t.
And I was hoping
a bit of LA flair
would help get
the local industry behind me.
Yeah, okay.
If you wouldn't mind
sending me his details,
I can give him a buzz.
We are in that water the second
Bradley gives us the signal.
Then boom! The Russians go down
with this f*cking barge!
-Yep.
-Yeah, he's good.
I don't foresee a 40-page day
on this show
but 20- to 30-page day
could happen at least once.
Um... A bit of experience
would be good.
No answer.
The only way we will
ever be safe is if we k*ll it.
We have to k*ll the T-rex.
She's got the Asylum look,
you know?
And she's sold this scene,
I think.
-I would put her first.
-Yeah.
I just need someone
who has insurance
and who I can pay
to pay the cast and crew.
Besides acting,
is that something
you'd be interested in?
[laughs]
I really want Josh Davies
because he's my best friend.
Ha-ha.
Here we go. Success.
[woman, on phone]
I messaged Anthony,
said I was keen
to script supervise.
Well, would you want
to jump back
into firsting for a show?
I'm not sure.
Do you have a script supervisor?
[laughs] They don't
even have that in the budget.
I feel like things are actually
moving now that you're here.
Yeah, as they should.
That's why I'm here.
Order 66 now! Go! Go!
[Anthony, VO]
I achieved more with Brendan
in the last two days
than I did
in the last two weeks.
[man, on phone]
This is a perfect scenario.
Great. Awesome.
-Cool.
-Cool.
Welcome to the show.
-Thanks, Ben.
-Bye.
It's great. All right, done.
All right, let's get drinks.
Yeah.
Let's make this f*cking movie.
The one thing we can't land
is an Australian name actor.
Budget-wise, it's 300
Australian a day for 12 hours.
I can give you guys
about an hour
but then I have to
move on to somebody else.
For some reason every
Aussie with a profile is busy
the moment they hear from us.
Okay.
So we're
forging on without one.
It's a shame.
I was really looking forward
to working with a star.
And now I'm gonna have to
get some pretty
stellar performances
out of the rest of the cast.
But it's been ages
since I directed anything
that wasn't a corporate video.
I'm rusty.
And kind of terrified.
So I'm seeking advice
from someone who went from
being a self-made YouTube star
to making box office hits.
Surely he knows
what he's doing.
[man] So, what are you sh**ting?
It's, like, a Bermuda Triangle
time-travel dinosaur movie.
-Damn!
-Yeah.
-Dinosaur movie? Okay.
-Yeah, yeah.
And how long
have you got to sh**t it?
-Six days.
-[laughs]
-What?!
-[laughs]
That's like a YouTube video.
It's like 25 pages a day.
Oh, my God!
We had to do six pages
in one day for 'Talk To Me'.
And that felt impossible.
Are you going in there
to make a masterpiece?
I'm going to try.
But the odds are against me.
Have you done any movies
or anything?
-No, this is my first.
-Oh, right.
Just so you know
no-one knows
what they're doing.
Even if you've
directed four movies
you'll go on to it be like,
"I don't know what I'm doing."
Every time you go on set you
don't know what you're doing.
There are no,
like, rules to directing.
You find your own rhythm
and your own pace.
I feel like you could make
like, the first
and most amazing Asylum film.
I know, if that was
an amazing Asylum film
that'd be the most
impressive thing ever.
-'Sharknado' was good.
-How many days did they have?
-I think they had 10.
-See, that's unfair.
Call the producer now,
say you want 10.
[all laugh]
No, it should be good.
I don't know.
[laugh]
Do you just not
believe in yourself at all?
[laugh]
You feel like
you've already given up.
Why have you already given up?
What the f*ck?
I'm trying.
This needs to be amazing.
This has to be amazing.
[laughs]
Mate, you're the
Australian voice of Asylum.
You feel defeated already.
It's sad to see.
Usually your will breaks
in the middle of production.
Yeah, well, the middle
of production is three days in,
so it's not so bad.
[laughs]
I'm telling you, I've shot
things in six or seven days.
It's not impossible. You
have to live and breathe it.
You can't do anything else.
[Anthony, VO] I've been
thinking about this all wrong.
These limitations are
actually my secret weapons.
Low expectations,
ludicrous story, no money.
If I pull off something
half decent,
I'll look like a genius.
Boop, boop, boop, boop,
boop, boop. Flashing maps.
-And we'll get on the slider.
-f*cking slider, yep.
Something here, here, here.
Just a little fork.
And we'll get here.
My enthusiasm
must be infectious
because even Aaron
decided to stick around.
I'll sh**t it on the
f*cking 135 real tight.
You're like this.
And then
none of this sh*t matters.
-Yeah, doesn't matter.
-Yeah, great. Okay.
-So, this is our barge set?
-This is a submarine.
-This will be our sub-sub?
-Yeah.
Barge, barge, sub.
Yeah, we're just
trying to block it a bit,
work out how
to make it look schmick.
The crew are
really rising to the occasion.
It's inspiring
to see such dedication
to something
so blatantly absurd.
I can show you some
beautiful Russian patches
to put on the uniforms.
And some Australian patches
to also put on all the uniforms.
And then all
of our beautiful buttons
for our WWI German infantryman.
Love that.
'Coz he has 16 buttons
on his coat.
Day one.
It's a nice, slim
and achievable 11 pages.
And I've allowed...
The soft plan
was to sh**t here first
because some
of the elements of the set
are being moved
over to build that.
That information
is brilliant to have.
After. [laughs]
I need to know if it's
'mozasaur' or 'mossasaur'.
I thought it was 'mo...'
Oh, now I don't know.
Yeah, I think it's 'mozasaur'.
I should know this,
so I can tell the actors.
-Yeah.
-Yep.
But we did manage
to score a local actor
who's already survived
over 15 Asylum movies.
A seasoned veteran.
-Hi, Jack.
- Hey.
-How are we, guys?
-Yeah, good.
-How are you?
-Good to meet you.
Welcome to the chaos.
Plus, he's even willing
to run crew payroll
through his
marketing consultancy.
Good. I was organizing
camera insurance for us.
Yeah.
Apparently that's what I do now.
-[laughter]
-Yeah.
Just a little
creative accounting.
-This is a submarine hatch.
-Oh, yeah.
So we're gonna pop
that on the beach.
So if you just, like... Pretend
you're climbing a ladder.
All right, action.
[man] One sec! Sorry.
[laughs]
I've only got
a couple of these in me.
[laughter]
Action.
Land!
No visual on survivors,
but land less than a mile.
Port side.
With the rest of the cast here
we could finally start
making sense of this script.
Maybe this is hell.
Maybe we already died.
That's why Ahm said
we can't get off this island.
It'll be like this for eternity.
I'll never see my mom again.
-Where is the knife?
-[man] How would I know?
Here.
You're outnumbered, punk.
Give up the knife.
I have done nothing but comply
since the dinosaurs appeared.
Why not blame your crew member,
who, good fighter or no,
is a nervous wreck?
Swim now! We do.
We survived the giant one.
Quickly!
You hold metal hull
torn by a rock.
It is not meant to be gripped
and is slick with mist
coming off of the waves.
Potatoes, eggs,
milk, bacon, ruined.
We recovered
six cans of bean soup.
No sealed rations.
Remizov, no!
[Anthony]
"T-Rex inserts its head
towards the wailing Andreyev."
With the giant one gone,
treaties are being offered.
Now, please, rest.
-There's a hammer?
-Yes, sir.
Quick about it.
Everything we do has to be
about leaving, not staying.
Sure, there are a few plot holes
you could drive a truck through.
"Bradley sighs, standing
and turns to eat
the last of the mosasaur meat.
The Russians scowl defiantly."
But the cast, they're
really selling this dialogue.
Just help me take this wood
to the water, will you?
Remizov is in the submarine.
I couldn't wait to get on set.
Honestly,
there's no way I can fail.
You will fail. You'll fail.
This is some of the sub stuff.
Amazing what you can do
with a bit of Styrofoam, eh?
Yeah.
So, yeah,
you're gonna screw it up.
You're gonna screw it up.
You're in very,
very poor hands with Brendan.
That is so cute.
I f*cking love it.
It's a little chlamydia panda.
But that means you're just gonna
have to work that much harder.
[Paul Bales]
The genre is the star.
Make sure that you deliver
those moments
that people want to see.
We don't seem
to be getting any of that.
Sorry, what's the last line?
So you're telling me
that the reptile is a dinosaur?
Damn it.
As long as the directors,
you know, don't try
to be all artsy and creative
you know,
then the films work out.
We have seen it all, okay?
We have had directors
gone in the deep end
and gone, you know, total,
you know...
'Apocalypse Now' nutso.
Okay?
But, um...
we'll see what happens.
"They embrace. The end."
[laughter and cheering]
Good time.
Well, yeah, I guess
I'll see you all on Monday.
[laughter]
[music crescendos]
Four weeks ago, I was
directing corporate videos.
Today, I'm on set
of my debut feature film.
Yeah, maybe that works.
It's a dream come true,
so I'm ready to give it my all.
I don't care
how near Russia we are.
We need to
chart a course to landfall
so we can f*cking do something.
Uh... So we can...
No. f*ck, sorry, guys.
In the last five days
I've gone from nothing
to a full crew, cast, locations,
and I could now officially
call myself a director.
[triumphant music]
[whispers indistinctly]
But I have to wait a bit longer
to sh**t my first shot.
I'm gonna steal you
for a second.
'Coz we're gonna call Latt
and go over the costumes.
The Asylum team in LA
needs to approve the costumes
before we can start rolling.
We're gonna be having
three more costumes
coming through in the next hour.
Right now we're just, like,
getting, you know, like,
the flags and stuff on them.
Great.
I know I'm a rookie,
but I feel like this could've
been done earlier.
Like, before the sh**t.
Just hope
that they get approved.
'Coz this will take,
I'm assuming, about six hours.
-Alright.
-I'll set a timer.
It's not exactly the start
to the day I was hoping for.
All I can do is smile, nod,
and keep rehearsing.
Bradley, get on NavCom.
-Mayday, mayday.
-Do you smell smoke?
There's a fire back there,
but we're good.
-Checking NavCom.
-Mayday, mayday, mayday.
This is...
This is Captain Dav...
f*cking David.
This is Capt. Tim Olsen
of the Royal Australian Navy.
Does anyone read?
This is good. I know...
Oh, take it again? Okay.
If Latt sees that in
the dailies, he's gonna yell.
I do have to say you guys shot
without getting approval.
We're halfway
through the sh**t day.
I thought we were gonna hear
about that, like, an hour ago.
But is everyone else approved?
Nope.
-What are we doing?
-I don't know.
I guess we will wait. [laughs]
[Stephanie]
And action on rehearsal.
Jesus Christ, what was that?!
Are we under attack? Status!
Panel's on the fritz.
Can't ID origin.
Result, measure the damage.
All right, Tyler, get eyes up.
Sorry. Get eyes topside.
f*ck, get eyes topside.
f*cking Jesus. Hostiles.
Friendlies, anyone. I need a...
visual status. Sorry, guys.
Yes, sir.
[Stephanie] This is why
we have rehearsals.
And clear. Clear on rehearsal.
Who told me
to calm down earlier?
-Was that you?
-[Aaron] That was me.
Word of advice - never tell
an angry person to calm down.
Word of advice -
don't f*cking yell at
all the crew on the first day.
How about that?
I didn't f*cking yell
at this crew at all, mate.
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
I'm getting loud
because I'm getting frustrated.
Don't get in my face, brother.
Don't get in my face.
Again, this is when I said,
like, I know it's, like, a lot,
but let's not get
angry at each other.
I'm not getting angry.
I'm getting frustrated.
You're getting frustrated
and that's fine.
But I didn't
take it out on anyone.
Oh, if you've got a problem,
mate, don't...
Dude. It's done.
-Aaron?
-Okay? We're here to work.
I'm here to work.
Conversation's over.
-Let's keep it... okay?
-Let's just both keep our heads.
Yeah, exactly right, mate.
So don't tell me
to calm down, alright?
[Aaron sighs]
[Anthony, VO]
I'm not sure if I should step in
or just pretend this
is all part of the rehearsals.
[Stephanie]
Do you want to do...?
Do we want to do
another rehearsal?
[David] I would love
to do another rehearsal.
[Stephanie] Great, let's do
another rehearsal, guys.
And... set.
[Stephanie] Action on rehearsal.
I'm not prepared for this.
[David] This stuff needs
to be repaired now.
It doesn't help that The Asylum
made a bunch of script changes
a few days ago.
Bradley comes over,
is that correct?
Let's just cut and have a look.
-[Stephanie] Let's cut there.
-See what I mean?
We're all struggling
to make sense of them.
And it's up to me
to stop this whole sh**t
from falling apart...
Give me like five minutes.
...before we really begin.
-We can't film with them.
-We can't?
No. No filming yet.
Alright.
I need to get you all
approved through wardrobe.
-Great. Thank you.
-You're welcome.
[David Latt, on phone]
Well, I just want to make sure
that it's regulation.
So everything
has to look correct and proper.
So something like this
we need to see pictures that
look like they're supposed to
and not interpretive.
[Brendan] We can do that.
[David] Bradley, get to the
b*mb. Reduce it to 20 seconds.
You cover our exit points. Copy?
This is embarrassing.
We are in the water.
I pulled together
an entire cast and crew
just to watch rehearsals?
I just want to prove that
I actually know what I'm doing.
-Alright, let's move.
-Yes, sir.
[Stephanie] Alright. Lunch.
[David]
Guys, I want to apologize
for my little outburst earlier.
That was really
not appropriate at all.
I'm sorry.
That won't happen again, okay?
I really feel bad about that,
okay?
Roger that. Thanks, man.
I have to send a picture,
but essentially, yeah,
and then the sticker thing.
Yeah.
Finally, The Asylum gave
their approval on the costumes.
You guys know what you're doing?
-From "Status. Where is he?"
-Yeah, yep.
We can finally start sh**ting.
[Stephanie] Great. Alright,
let's turn over, everyone.
Mark it.
And action.
No Australia Naval Rescue.
Kuprin? intel report.
Status? Where is he?
Cut.
[yells indistinctly]
But with a full day's worth
of scenes to get through
in half the time...
Yeah, cut.
[Stephanie]
Alright, are we clear?
...I had no choice but to
speed run the entire schedule.
You're coming to me
and you throw it.
I could just...
[Russian accent] Maybe
you should try pissing in it.
Maybe a little more...
a little more Russian.
[Thicker Russian accent] Maybe
you should try pissing in it.
Somehow,
we blitzed through the scenes
and managed to catch up.
Cut.
For a moment, I actually
thought we were back on track.
Until...
This looks like a garage door.
Like, there's a world
they might want us
to reshoot the entire thing.
This is why I have
to babysit set. Sometimes.
He's doing good,
but you can't film
in front of a garage
and say it's a battleship.
[Stephanie] I mean, look, we've
got maybe 10 minutes of light.
[laughs]
-And not see the garage at all?
-Yeah.
-In that case, it's that wall.
-I would say, do that wall.
[Brendan] Just because
I know what's gonna happen
and I know the notes
we're gonna get.
And I don't want
to wake up to that.
That last setup
was just much better.
Where's Brendan?
So, uh, yeah, hiding, hiding
behind these barrels now.
Same action - we're
running from over there.
Yeah, that works.
[Stephanie]
Scene 7, 9, 11, 15, Charlie.
Mark it.
Action!
Cut.
-That's better.
-Yeah.
'Coz there's no more light
and we need to pack down.
-So wrap?
-We did it.
Alright, that's a wrap, guys!
Thank you so much for the day!
-Congratulations, everyone.
-We got there.
[Anthony, VO] After a
rocky start, we hit our stride.
Actors, crew, everyone...
-Move!
-They're everywhere!
...we really clicked.
Hey!
Look at this.
Bit of a money shot here.
Yeah, that's
a trademark technique, though,
so don't go using it.
I won't go using it.
-Get up! Get up!
-Go, go!
It's futile!
We are slowing you down!
For a ridiculous 'Lost World'
dinosaur film,
this might actually
end up being pretty cool.
I just need you
to explain
the fuel-dumping valves to me.
[man on phone] The actors
that are doing accents
try and to get
their performances
a little more authentic.
[Anthony VO]
It's definitely got its moments.
And I was starting to see why
I always knew
I was meant for this.
The shot
is gonna be from here.
You're just going to turn around
and, like,
sneak up and have a look,
and we're just gonna kind of
rack focus to your face.
So you could probably come up.
Yeah, exactly. That's perfect.
[Stephanie] Guys, heads up.
There's a Channel 10 crew
incoming
who are gonna do
a bit of a news story.
-Do I have to hold both?
-No, no, no.
I feel like
it's kind of a big deal,
bringing a Hollywood
studio movie down under
even if it is a tiny budget
and a dinosaur movie.
[chuckles]
Remizov! No!
Maybe do that again,
but look down.
Remizov! No!
-And we'll cut there.
-Cutting.
Also, Anthony,
do I look in his direction
when he falls?
I reckon, yeah.
And look down to him.
I was looking at the flag
on the corner.
It's the wrong way up.
-Courtney?
-Yeah.
The Russian flag
is upside down on his thing.
Whoops.
It's been filmed like that
the whole time.
[Brendan] Anthony.
Hi. So, um,
we found something out.
What?
-Look at his flag.
-Compare the pair.
We have discovered
it's upside down.
At least ours is the same.
I will talk to the studio
after the film wraps.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
[Brendan] Anyways, keep filming.
Oh, goddamnit.
Remizov! No!
[Anthony VO] It's not all
smooth sailing, though.
Our little flag mishap has
put The Asylum on high alert.
And there's still one costume
that needs to be approved.
[Brendan] The studio wants
a very specific look.
That look,
the only costume that I can
find right now is in Sydney.
If we're able to sh**t
other stuff right now.
Now they're getting
more hands-on
and basically dictating
what they want me to do.
I'm disgusted by that.
Absolutely disgusted by it.
It's like
they don't trust me anymore.
It's not what I imagined
Ahm looking like.
No. I know.
It just looks
like Aladdin to me.
I'm not happy
with that costume at all.
They keep changing their mind.
Now, my favorite character
is sidelined
until the costume is sorted.
-You alright?
-Yeah, I'm good.
I'm totally fine.
Dude, are you OK?
-Yeah.
-Yeah?
-Yeah, we'll figure it out.
-We'll get this.
We absolutely will.
The hold-up's really messing
with the schedule.
-Boom!
-No!
-No!
-No! No, no! Damnit!
I don't think
the crew fully understood
what they signed up for.
-I feel kind of guilty.
-[Brendan] Send it immediately.
No, no, they don't get approval.
We dye it, we sh**t.
-They have to.
-They can't, they can't...
I need you to not be having that
energy over here right now.
Please take it somewhere else.
Taking the energy
somewhere else.
I just need everyone
to stay on board
before this
whole thing falls apart.
[Brendan] If we film anything
with those characters
he will shut
the entire show down.
You're not gonna be
able to sh**t this costume
till tomorrow afternoon.
So we're
gonna have to probably...
Hey, Steph?
How many pages
do we have tomorrow?
-And how many...
-It's our biggest day.
Okay. So it's probably
gonna be a 30-page day.
Cool.
It'll be a 30-page day.
[sighs]
We're not officially f*cked.
We're just...
Partially f*cked.
You wanted an Asylum sh**t?
This is how you got one.
[Stephanie] Anthony!
Can you...?
It might help a lot
of the crew and the cast
if you could sort of suggest
where bits of the boat are.
I'm currently talking to the DOP
to decide that,
so I just need one second
to discuss lighting
with the guy
who's responsible for lighting.
But that's going to depend
on where we can put cast.
So they need to know
where they can go.
Should we have
a block through of 27
and see how that works?
Do you have a spray bottle
just to wet him a little bit?
We're not wetting him yet.
Alright, you f*cking take
over then, for f*ck's sake,
Like, Jesus Christ!
For f*ck's... just...
[laughs]
And action.
[Anthony, VO] Why do I care
so much about this movie?
[Anthony] I apologize, I do,
I really sincerely apologize.
-[Stephanie] Thank you.
-I'm sorry for talking that way.
I appreciate everything
you've done.
I feel like I'm doing a...
You are really
doing an amazing job,
but yeah,
I think we just... yeah.
Look, I don't mean
to be condescending,
I know I can be very short
and very curt.
So I'll work on that.
I reckon you're up here, Dave.
You can just be holding script.
We'll have you on a tight shot.
And if you forget your lines,
take a breath,
have a read, deliver it.
Yeah, nine pages with you.
You've basically got a two-
or three-page sort of speech.
For some reason, we scheduled
the most grueling scenes
to be shot all in one day.
And action.
Give me that first line again.
"Can you see how still
and dense that forest is?"
Every Asylum film
has these convoluted monologues
that any actor
would struggle with.
Can you see how still that...?
OK, dense, sorry.
Can you see how still
and dense that forest is?
Yes, sir.
I want this whole film
to be entertaining
and cinematic.
It's too bad that we didn't...
It's too bad that we didn't...
f*ck, sorry.
It's bad enough we didn't
land anywhere friendly.
And we're on our own
out here, right?
You understand
that, don't you, completely?
But this is worse
than I imagined.
sh*t. If it was flat Russan...
If it was flat Russian tundra,
you could probably spot
an arctic fox from miles away.
Like, it's everything
you shouldn't do.
People stop watching the movie
at this point.
-They do.
-This is about 20 minutes in.
sh*t.
-Let's just bang through it.
-Yeah.
Get it over and done with,
then we can have fun.
-Honestly,
-I want another dinosaur k*ll.
That's what I'm after.
We're hundreds of miles
from shoreline
and nowhere near any
islands as far as I can... tell.
Based on
the location of the sun
we've only got a couple...
Based on the location of the sun
we're only a couple
of hours from nightfall.
At the end of the day,
though, this is on me.
A good director
would rise to the challenge
and make this movie fun,
to watch and to make.
Alright, be quicker...
f*ck me dead!
And a bad director would make
something so bad that it's good.
We have to do every single thing
to hasten our exit
from this place.
The problem isn't just
that I'm not good enough,
it's that I'm not
even bad enough.
If there is any other
kind of strange animal
in this weird-a*s ecosystem,
or any type of trouble,
I'll leave it up to you
whether you want to defend
yourselves or follow me.
I might be able to even
spot a fresh water source
from up there, okay?
It's gonna take me
about an hour, I'd say,
but, um...
Oh, f*ck.
Maybe at the top
I can light a beacon.
Ty is acting CEO
until I return. Copy?
-Copy, sir.
-What he says go.
-He is the tip of the spear.
-Copy, sir.
If rescue comes before
I get back, then Godspeed.
Cut.
[cheering and applause]
If I could throw this in there.
Jesus Christ!
That was a f*cking...
I knew this was
going to be prescriptive,
but at the end of the day,
it's my name on this film.
So it's my job to make it work
and to elevate it.
I just don't know how.
Action.
Yeah!
Arggh! Arggh!
[David Latt] We kind of put
these directions in the script.
You're gonna do it this way
because we want to
make sure this is a genre film.
You're showing the monster.
It's not artsy.
Coz the audience
just wants to be entertained.
Psst!
Mososaurs attack!
Mososaurs attacked here!
As much as people say
that they like to watch
important films and art films
and foreign films...
the truth is, they don't.
But I think that you have
to decide what you want to do.
If you are an artist,
you make art.
That's a diesel engine!
Without diesel lubrication
the pistons
are gonna shed sparks!
Listen to us!
There's nothing wrong with
pursuing that artistic vision.
But you have to assume
that you're probably
not going to be successful
and certainly not
going to be rich making it.
I did not sign up
to fight dinosaurs.
Only Australians.
That doesn't matter now.
You know, art schmart.
That's certainly the way I feel.
I'm a sellout wh*re.
It's five days in
and I need to clear my head.
I think asking for this
wasn't such a crash-hot idea.
I sold what remaining shred
of creative integrity I had
and I haven't
even been paid yet.
When I used to work for free
making stuff with my friends
it was all about having fun.
-It's a family affair...
-There were no expectations.
So we could just enjoy the
process of creating anything.
That's what
I've always loved doing.
And it didn't matter
if no one saw these videos.
In fact, it's probably for the
best that most people didn't.
Now I'm working
for a Hollywood studio
and they've pre-sold this movie.
So people will see it.
And that I directed it. Poorly.
Maybe I just don't
have what it takes.
But I've got one last day.
And all I can hope
is that it's smooth sailing.
Action.
Get down!
Get down! You alright?
Cut.
[Aaron] Where should we set up
our massive f*cking
fluorescent surfboards?
[Anthony] I've never seen
anyone at this beach before.
There's just no point
fighting it anymore.
Arggh!
Remember, patience
with the refueling process.
We'll make a dart line
to your location.
This is actually
one of the stupidest things
I've ever made.
I think one of us
should go with them, sir.
Normally, yes,
but we know bugger all
about the fuel transfer.
Oh, f*ck!
And I've made
a lot of stupid things.
Now that I think about it,
it's what I do best.
I got him, sir! Arggh!
Arggh!
Arggh!
Alright, cut.
That's actually
gonna look sick.
Yeah, that looks sick!
That was so fun.
And then I can
come up behind you.
If I've got you in front of
me like this and I'm like,
Guess who's got the knife?
What's my line?
"I would never take any of you
off this island with me.
I am leaving alone."
I would never take any
of you off this island with me.
I am leaving... alone.
Come on, silly.
There's just one scene
left to sh**t.
And only now is this film
starting to feel
a lot more like my usual stuff.
Action.
I will never leave this island
with any of you!
And I am going now, alone.
Come on.
I got so wrapped up
in taking this seriously...
Get up, you son of a b*tch!
...that I forgot
to just enjoy it.
Hahahaha!
[laughing] Cut!
That's brilliant.
Really good stuff.
This is how the whole sh**t
should have gone.
So Kat's going
to get their lines,
then when they drag out,
I'm gonna move in
and I'm going to sh**t... stuff.
-And action.
-Just hold.
Sorry, hold.
Get out of here.
And action.
Please!
Just let us help figure out a
safe way off the island for you!
I hear your little mind games!
w*r has made me
invulnerable to them.
Now I am leaving.
Auf wiedersehen! Goodbye!
Now I really
don't want this to end.
Cut.
That's a wrap!
[cheering and applause]
I just hope I get
another chance to do it again.
[laughs]
[phone rings]
Hey, I can't
take your call right now,
but if you leave a message
I'll get back to you when I can.
[phone beeps]
[Brendan, on phone]
Hey, Anthony.
Hope you've been
resting up from the sh**t.
We have already done
the first cut of the movie.
Unfortunately,
there are some problems with it.
So the studio's written
a few extra scenes to fix it.
They are gonna
have to be shot here in LA.
It's up to you if you
do want to come and do it.
You know,
we can't pay for the flights
because, hashtag, we broke.
Let me know.
Give me a call back. Bye.
[upbeat rock music]
We've established the
raptors are all going that way.
They're running away.
So camera right
is where raptors are.
Yeah.
So all his friends have gone
over here, camera left.
So how is he being attacked
by a raptor from this side?
'Coz that's
where his friends are.
-Mmm.
-So...
[Anthony, VO]
Most of these scenes felt good
while we were sh**ting them.
This is a huge problem for me
to put raptors behind.
I guess you can't
always trust your gut.
This raptor comes out
of the foreground going "grrr".
They're running
towards the raptor
that has just confronted them.
So, again,
the staging here is very weird.
Literally,
if I put the T-Rex here
you'd see his ankles
and his junk.
That's all that
would be on screen.
My personal opinion.
[Anthony, VO]
Aside from the VFX,
there are some major
plot holes that need fixing too.
So, yeah, I'm looking forward
to seeing the rest of the film.
But I knew that
while I was sh**ting it.
Yeah, great.
-Thanks, Glenn.
-You're welcome.
Yeah, thanks so much.
To help fix this mess,
they've booked an Asylum regular
for these final scenes.
So my movie
will have a star in it.
I can't wait
to direct a real celebrity.
But before then
I wonder what
will come next for me
if I manage to pull this movie
back from the brink.
There is someone who
after cutting her teeth
with the Asylum
has gone on
to work with the big studios,
won an Emmy,
and has built a career
for herself as a real director.
I am chopping wood!
I'm using it
to create levers...
She should know if I've got
what it takes
to follow in her footsteps.
..I think you are just the man
to be helping me, so come!
Yeah, it's confusing.
-[laughs]
-It is confusing.
But you got all your coverage.
-I feel like, you know...
-Yeah, we got there.
[Anthony, VO] Honestly,
she seems pretty impressed.
What do you think
I should do next?
Do I make more Asylum movies
or try to move on?
Yeah.
I mean, I would make
another Asylum movie.
Yeah?
I mean, I don't know. Right?
As long as it doesn't
sound terrible to you to do it.
I feel like just doing anything
and figuring out
what your next step is.
How many Asylum movies
do you think you need to make
before you can move on
to like bigger budgets?
Well, it's not
even like number of movies.
Okay, so I made this
Asylum movie that was a musical.
[dance music]
Christian musical.
I'm like a Jewish atheist.
It's like not... you know?
It's not like,
Oh, this is my soul.
I'm gonna let it shine!
And then I was in
a meeting with a studio exec
and as sort of a joke
mentioned, like,
"Oh, this
Christian musical I made."
She was like,
"Oh, you've done musicals?"
And then she sent me,
like, a musical script
and pitched me
up to her boss for it.
And that was how
I got my first studio movie.
Shine!
You know,
there's so many different paths
and you don't
know what's gonna work,
and, like everyone...
It's kind of unrepeatable,
anyone's specific journey,
Like, most people
haven't directed a feature.
And so even having
that base level of knowledge
and a credit
is a lot more
than a lot of people have.
I never thought
I'd get to make one.
I mean, that's how I felt.
I was, like, yeah, it's cool.
They just give any dummy a movie
and you can just get to make it.
It's great!
I have to stop comparing
myself to everyone else.
Von Schoen came here
on a WW1 U-boat.
It's time to just be
the director I am
rather than
the one I want to be.
The Asylum are depending
on me to fix this film.
And I'm not going
to let them down.
And I can't wait to see
who the star of my movie is.
And action.
Pearce.
We need to figure out what
happened on that Russian sub.
We need to know
it wasn't disappearing on
purpose this close to Alaska.
Pearce?
Tell me we have some answers.
[Pearce] Well, the Russian sub
intercepted the Australian naval
vessel in the Bering Sea
along the coast
of Russia and Alaska.
But something went wrong,
and we're not sure what.
Admiral, where are you going?
I'm going to visit my sister,
who's in hospice
and inform her that her child
may be hostage
on board a Russian vessel.
Cut.
I don't think
Michael recognized me
without the scrubs on.
But there's no
time to reminisce anyway.
We have too much work to do.
I think that's our
best bet for communications,
is handing a message.
Let's get to work
and see if it...
Let's get to work and...
and what?
Find out.
Let's get to work and find out.
Do you think?
Let's get to work and find out.
Okay.
It's exciting
and a bit intense
to be directing
such a battle-hardened pro.
-We're going to do another one?
-Yeah.
Holy sh*t.
This is what you
signed up for, Michael.
79B.
-How are we doing up here?
-Yeah, good.
Just finishing up
the first scene.
Love it. Love it.
And action.
FRB 2220 was a radio wave
that was detected
from all places as Western
Australia in June of 2022.
This dialogue is so dense,
I can barely keep up.
Do you think that they travel
across
gravitational anomalies too?
I think it's our best chance
at communicating
and sending a message.
It certainly looks a lot more
like the Asylum's usual stuff.
Lee, this is Uncle Jackman.
Tell us where you are
and we'll bring you home.
Cut.
How are you liking
how it's looking?
Yeah, it looks great.
Yeah, it looks sick.
Status report.
There's no way to tell
until it's done.
You text the number
you're trying to reach
and there's a one-in-a-billion
chance that it goes through.
It feels like I'm directing
a totally different movie.
Although,
some things still feel the same.
I want the USNS Salver
in the Bering Sea
at the exact coordinates
of that Russian...
that f*cking Russian boat!
f*ck!
I'm sorry.
I had hoped for a crew
of more than three people
with fewer broken limbs.
I mean, we have one guy running
lights who's in a f*cking boot.
Really needed two people
on that team.
I've got no idea why
we're actually
sh**ting any of this.
Looks good to me.
I thought we were here
to fix plot holes...
Listen, I don't know
how to tell you this.
...not make more of them.
We think they may
have been taken hostage.
But we are doing
everything that we...
Why are you here?
You should be
trying to find Lee.
Now pinky promise me.
Cut.
[Michael laughs]
If we wrap at, let's say,
10:10? In 30 minutes...
Or should we wrap at 10:00
in general?
Like, do you feel comfortable?
I don't think
we should wrap at 10:30.
10:30?
How the hell are we
gonna get all this done?
They're not gonna be done
lighting for 15 minutes.
There's nobody on this.
There's like two people
that'll be crewing overtime.
Literally be
like 80 f*cking dollars.
Oh, if it's 80, that's fine.
That's fine.
How many people
are going into overtime?
Are you paying
these people overtime?
No, I don't have to worry
about...
Good. So, then, yeah, you got
f*cking two people on overtime.
And action.
Admiral,
we're maxed out at 15 knots,
about 10 nautical miles
from the Australian barge.
The Swiss haven't reported
anything out of the ordinary,
but I'll update you if they do.
[Michael Pare]
The sooner we get there
the sooner
we'll know what the heck...
Then it clicked
why I'm actually doing this.
Signs of life, rescue boat,
items left behind.
It isn't to fix any problems.
They just need me to shoehorn
a name actor into this movie.
It's a contractual obligation.
Yes or no?
Go again, right?
-Yes or no?
-I think we're good.
-Yeah, I think it's okay.
-You like it, we like it?
-Okay, moving on.
-Let's lower camera.
With the growing prospect
of going over time and budget
and that I'm making a ridiculous
film even more confusing,
I realized this isn't about me.
I'm just a cog
in the Asylum machine.
Full speed ahead!
Get us out of here now!
No-one will
remember who directed this film.
Scene BD53A, take 2.
I'm an Asylum director, and I'm
making a g*dd*mn Asylum film.
And action.
[Paul Bales]
People say to me all the time,
"Why don't you, you know,
just save up your money
and make a good movie?"
And you know, after I k*ll them,
I say, "No-one knows
what a good movie is."
And I think
that's very, very true.
Many, many
companies before ours
have bet the farm
on making a good movie
and lost everything.
And that's just not the model
that we pursue.
I don't read reviews anymore.
Some people online
are very bored and mean.
Didn't get enough love
from their mother.
But the most egregious failure
for an Asylum movie
is that it's dull and boring
the crap out of the audience.
If you make the best film now,
oh, my God!
[scoffs]
That's like winning an Oscar
on your first movie.
That's horrible.
You know,
where do you go from there?
Ugh! What a lousy existence.
You're done with this.
[Anthony, VO]
I always thought I was destined
for a place among the greats.
I just had no idea
what that actually meant for me.
Until now.
...affects the speed of time.
Like a black hole.
Like, time dilation.
Maybe the real reason
I reached out to the Asylum
is because, deep down,
I knew this
is where I should be.
Everything I've ever done
has been building
towards this moment.
In the land that time forgot!
[laughs]
[Brendan]
Anthony, how are we doing?
What's that? Last set up.
Last set up.
-Last shot.
-Last shot. Okay.
Because when no-one else
was willing to give me a shot,
the Asylum did.
Not because they believed in me,
just that they
needed someone to do it.
My instruments, they're
all going off the charts.
Cut.
How long do we have?
-Can we wrap right now?
-Yeah.
I mean, there's a couple
of shots we could get.
Josh, how long
do you need to wrap out?
It's 11:06.
-40?
[Brendan]
At least. We have to wrap.
Alright, we're wrapping.
Alright. You can call it.
Alright, guys, that's a wrap!
It's great working with you,
man.
Thank you, Anthony.
Thank you very much, sir.
It was a fun project.
Now we can do our thing.
-Hi, Anthony.
-Thanks again, Brendan.
[Anthony, VO] I went into this
hoping that making a bad movie
was better than
never making a movie at all.
And now I know for sure,
it is.
Anyone could have directed
'The Land of Time Forgot'.
But no-one else was meant to.
Hi, everyone.
Hello? Is it turned on?
-Yeah?
-[cheering and applause]
Now, this might not be the movie
I dreamt of making
when I was a kid.
But I'm proud to share with you
the first ever Asylum film
made in Australia
and my first ever film.
Thank you, and enjoy
'The Land That Time Forgot'.
[cheering and applause]
Pinky promise me.
[laughter]
Arggh!
[screams]
Noo!
[woman]
We're trying to help you!
We can help get off the island!
I hear your little mind games!
And w*r has
made me invulnerable to them.
[laughs]
Now, I am leaving.
Auf wiedersehen.
[laughs]
[cheering and applause]
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Mockbuster (2025)
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