02x19 - Epic Tales of Epic Fails: The Madman with the Plan

[bunniefuu]

- [whistles] - Come on!

It's picture time!

[upbeat music]

- ♪ In the Loud house

♪ Really Loud house ♪

- This is gonna be the craziest jump ever.

- We're about to grab some moon dust.

Here we go.

, , .

[tires squealing]

I think one of our wheels got off the ground.

- I guess we didn't need the parachute.

- I actually think my cape slowed me down.

- Well, I thought the cape was the only thing

that worked, but whatevs.

I'll just whip up something else.

Boy, I hope I can make it back to the house

without this cape slowing me down.

- Lot of attitude.

Let's get back to the drawing board.

So maybe--

- Oh, good.

Right on time.

Please, have a seat.

[farting]

Always funny.

Let's cut to the chase.

I'm looking for someone to record fails

and epic fails for my website.

I'm willing to offer you $ for fails

and $ for epic fails.

- $?

Someone should be filming this.

- 'Cause that offer was an epic fail.

- What? Wait.

Wait. Hold up.

Fine. OK.

If you guys don't want to do it,

there are plenty of other people who will.

La--Luna.

- Busy.

- Oh, Lucy.

- I know what you're gonna ask.

The answer's no.

[mysterious music]

[screaming]

[thudding]

Someone's in grave danger.

- Name your price.

- bucks for a fail.

- And $ for an epic fail.

- You got yourselves a deal.

[buzzing]

- Hey.

- [laughs] Always funny.

[hissing]

It's out of water.

Catch you later.

- You're right, this is so much better

than the one I normally get.

- Yeah. [gasps]

Oh, no It's Karen Frickley.

- Who?

- She's that crazy parent from the middle school.

She's the one who got crayons banned

from the entire school district.

- Crayon ban.

- Apparently, her kid got, like, a crayon shard

in his eye, and she went ballistic.

She's the worst.

both: Karen.

- Awesome job on that crayon ban.

- Love the crayon ban.

- Well, I told them, if I smell so much as a whiff of crayon

on my sweet Hudson, they'd be very sorry.

- I heard it was a unanimous decision.

- Actually, Mrs. Watkins voted against me.

both: Oh.

- Let's just say she's no longer with us.

both: Oh.

- [coughs]

- Oh, I don't know if you heard,

but Hudson got motion sickness at recess

on one of those awful swings.

So I'm hosting a fundraiser this afternoon

to demolish the playground.

Can you guys make it?

- You know, we can't, because--

- We're refinishing, uh--

- All of our wood floors.

- Ooh, I'm gonna do that, too,

as soon as my husband makes some real money.

Well, I'll swing by and check it out

as soon as we destroy the playground.

- Please do. [laughs]

- Uh, hi.

Great.

Now we have to refinish the floors?

- You said refinishing.

- I was gonna say refinish "Rocky II."

[sighs]

- I think we just doubled our launch angle.

- We're gonna touch the sky.

- Impressive ramp.

- Hey, Hudson.

- That thing is cray-cray.

- We're not letting any bikes off it

till we do some reinforcements.

- Oh, no, I didn't bike over here.

I walked.

But my mom makes me wear the helmet.

She said there's a lot of uneven pavement

in our neighborhood.

Oh, plus, it's pinecone season.

Can't be too safe.

Ow.

- Hudson is the neighborhood mama's boy.

He's the kind of guy that makes Clyde and I look tough.

So we don't mind him coming around.

- Are these drinks for anyone?

- No.

- This is my cold drink grabbing glove.

Ooh, yeah, that is cold.

[grunting]

- Here. I got it.

- I loosened it for you.

- Sure.

- Hey, Hudson.

[upbeat music]

- She knows my name.

- Sweet helmet.

♪ ♪

- Hey, Lisa.

Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?

- No. Why?

- Good food, no atmosphere.

That's funny.

Why didn't you laugh?

- Because it makes no sense.

- No, that's funny because the moon has no atmosphere.

- Actually, it's a common misconception that the moon

is devoid of an atmosphere.

Though it does have one, it's very thin,

much like your comedic premise,

thus rendering your joke not funny.

- You know, EB White once said, comedy is like a frog.

If you dissect it, you'll k*ll it.

- Actually, they've invented a laser where you can dissect

a frog without k*lling it.

- What I'm saying is, comedy doesn't have to make sense.

- Then mission accomplished.

- Do you know what, Lisa?

Maybe you should just stick to science, because science

will never out funny comedy.

- That sounds like a challenge.

- We just need you to act like you're getting out of bed,

and then fall.

- And if you could smash your face on the way down,

that'd be ideal.

- I can do that easy.

- How does she not get the joke?

[thud]

- [groaning]

My face.

- Ugh.

Luan, you made us miss it.

- Doesn't matter.

I wouldn't have given you any money for that.

Looks totally fake.

- Are you kidding me?

I led with my face.

Ugh.

- Have you guys heard about the restaurant on the moon?

- We can't go to restaurants until we make some money.

- Once Hudson referred to our ramp as cray cray,

we knew we had to take it up a notch to super cray cray.

[upbeat music]

This is gonna be epic.

- And Leni made these sick outfits.

- It was so comfortable, I made one for myself and Lucy.

- Something terrible is about to happen,

but it's not these suits.

- [giggles] Oh, wait, you have a--um--

- OK.

- I'm just saying that to me, the phrase "no longer with us"

means dead.

- Has anybody seen Ms. Watkins?

Hey, where are you going?

- To rent a belt sander at the hardware store

so we can refinish all of our floors.

- Oh, my mom wants to do the same thing.

- Hey.

Hudson, how you doing?

We just ran into your mom.

- Who is lovely, by the way.

- Uh, could you excuse us for one second?

What are you guys doing?

- Clyde and I are gonna jump off this bike ramp.

- Not with Hudson.

I mean, look--look at all these hazards.

There's nails on the ground and wood shavings.

- Not to mention it's pinecone season.

- Either Hudson goes home

or you're gonna shut all this down.

- His mother is a monster.

And he's as fragile as a gingerbread man.

- Are you guys scared of Hudson's mom?

- No.

- A little.

Now, we're going to the hardware store.

- Either he goes, or all this goes.

And no crayons.

- Shut. It. Down.

For the love of Pete, sweep up these pine cones.

- Ow.

- Hey, Hudson, how do you feel about heading home?

- Oh, I can't.

My mom's at a meeting, and all my babysitters

are no longer with us.

- Hey, Luna.

How's the best sister in the world?

- What do you guys want?

- We need you to occupy Hudson for a while.

- Sorry, I'm restringing my guitars.

- Hudson does have very tiny hands.

- He could come in very handy.

- OK.

Hudson, grab the varnish and just come with me.

- Can I go get my varnish glove?

- [laughs] Aw.

No.

- OK.

- Mission accomplished.

- It's time to kiss the sky.

- Hey, have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?

- I have no time to talk.

Danger is close at hand.

- Hudson, have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?

- I can't eat at restaurants unless

my mom pre-approves the menu.

- Hey, Luna, have you heard

about the restaurant on the moon?

- [laughs]

Where do you come up with this stuff?

[laughter]

- It's funny because it's true.

- What's going on?

- Oh, you said that science could never out funny comedy,

so I downloaded five decades of stand-up specials

onto Todd's hard drive.

And he's already generated his own hour-long special.

[laughter]

- Lisa, you can't put years of comedy into a blender

and have a robot spit it out.

That's not funny.

[laughter]

- The raucous laughter seems to suggest otherwise.

- And don't get me started on people

who are different from me.

[oohing]

[laughter]

- This doesn't make any sense.

- It doesn't have to make sense.

Comedy's like a frog.

If you dissect it, you'll k*ll it.

Your words.

Though, they have invented a laser where the frog--

- I know about the frogs.

- Are there any single ladies in the house?

[laughter]

- [playing guitar]

Yeah, that sounds perfect.

Nice job, Hudson.

OK, let's do the next one.

This goes here.

All right.

Put your finger right here.

Wow.

You've got perfect hands for this.

- Well, thank you.

I like to keep them well protected.

- I'm just gonna string this right through here.

[soft music]

[rock music]

You're so good at this.

I think you deserve a break.

♪ ♪

Care for an ice cold drink?

- My mom doesn't let me have sugary soda.

- Your mom's not here, Hudson.

- [gulps] Excellent point.

- Hudson.

Hudson. Hudson.

- Oh.

- Come on.

We got five more guitars to restring.

Whoa.

Whoever goes off that ramp is a madman.

♪ ♪

[whooshing]

[thudding]

- [groaning]

How was that?

- It looked fake.

- Well, the pain is real.

- Luan's right.

You're not good at all.

- You just can't do it.

- Never tell Lynn Loud she can't do something.

- With this launch angle, we're gonna have to start

at the top of Thrill Hill if we want to get enough speed.

- This thing is insane.

You know, I say we send Tanya on a dry run

before we go pedaling towards disaster.

- Jeez, Clyde.

You're starting to sound like Hudson.

- I'm a madman.

I'm a madman.

I'm a madman!

[dramatic music]

- Whoa!

- I'm a madman!

♪ ♪

Whoa.

[thudding]

- So close.

- Got it.

- Now, that was epic.

- Definitely epic.

- Ow.

[dramatic music]

- That was insane.

- You must have flown, like, feet.

- Is it bad?

- Ooh.

- It's not that bad.

- That was crazy, Hudson.

You could have died.

- I did it for Luna.

Are you free for dinner Friday?

- I have a girlfriend.

- I want to go home.

- Should we call his mom?

- There's a copy of her number in every one of my pockets.

- We can't call his mom.

She'll k*ll us.

- Maybe we should call your parents.

- We can't. You heard my parents.

They didn't want Hudson anywhere near that ramp.

All right, we got to fix him up before they get home.

All right, let's get him in the house.

, , , up.

- Ow.

- Hey, g*ng. - Hey.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Be careful in there.

We're sanding the floors.

Hudson, my favorite guy.

Put her there.

There you go.

Hi.

Oh, you have lovely nails.

You're looking a little pale.

Are you feeling OK?

- Oh, he's just hungry.

[overlapping chatter]

- Well, here, have some grapes.

[chattering]

- Ow.

Ow, ow, ow.

- Wow. You really are hungry.

- My mom usually cuts them in half.

- Oh, my gosh. No.

[chattering] - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- You know what?

Maybe--maybe--maybe we don't use the knife.

Please don't tell your mother you had that.

- How about we try a banana instead?

- Great idea.

- Oh, um, I'm full.

- Well, we're gonna get out your hair now

so you can get back to your floors.

- Yeah. - Have fun.

- Yeah. - Bye.

- Look at all this. - Bye, Hudson.

- Bye.

- This ladder sure is rickety.

Hope nothing bad happens.

- Where are you taking me?

- Whoa!

Ugh.

Did anyone see that?

- Fake.

- Seriously?

- What seems to be the problem?

- I think I broke my arm in several places.

What do I do?

- Stop going to those places.

[laughter]

- But I thought Todd was a good doctor.

- Well, I may have filled up his hard drive with

stand-up comedy, and it pushed out his digital medical degree.

- I've never been in so much pain.

- Wait till you see my bill.

[laughter]

- You want a w*r, Lisa?

You got one.

- Maybe we should get a second opinion.

- I have a second opinion.

You're ugly.

[laughter]

- Enough of this child's play.

It's time to amputate.

[whirring]

- You're gonna cut my arm off?

- No, your leg.

- Don't worry.

You'll be back on your foot in no time.

- Whoa!

- Whoa, whoa!

- Kids?

Hey, has anyone seen my drill?

- Drills? No.

- No drills in here.

- What is a drill?

- Ding-dang darn it.

Now we have to buy a new one.

- I don't want a drill.

- What are you guys doing?

- We're doing drills.

Dance drills.

all: ♪ Dance with your hands, dance with your hands, dance ♪

♪ Dance, dance ♪

♪ Dance with your hands, dance with your hands, dance ♪

♪ Dance, dance ♪

- Well, that's-- that's--that's fun.

- I think Hudson needs an actual doctor.

- But we don't have an actual doctor.

- But we do have a chef.

Clyde.

- I'm way ahead of you.

[dramatic music]

Butter knife.

- Butter knife.

- I'm not supposed to have butter.

- Bread. - Bread.

- Is it gluten free?

- Juice box. - Juice box.

- I'm nervous.

- I'm hungry.

- I'm bored.

- I'm scared.

- You're gonna feel a little pressure here.

- That's doctor talk for pain.

- Frosting.

This bag is only half full.

- Wasn't us.

- Um, is this really gonna work?

- Yeah. - Don't worry, I'm a baker.

- All right, got your story straight?

- Yup.

- Then let's do this.

And remember, Hudson, don't add any extra details,

because when it comes to lies--

- If you dress them up, you mess them up.

- Exactly.

- Ow.

- Sorry.

You got this.

- I won't let you down.

- We did it again.

- I never doubted us.

- That's right, Clyde.

Because no one gets into and out of

more trouble than Clincoln McLoud.

[doorbell rings]

Jeez, Hudson, it's not rocket science.

Just lie to your mom already.

- No need to lie.

I know what happened.

- [screaming]

[thudding] Ow.

- If you want to see more epic fails, smash that Like button.

[dramatic music]

- I want to speak to your parents right now!

♪ ♪

[light music]

- It's expensive.

- It's so expensive.

Everything's just--

[dramatic music]

What happened?

[beeping]

- [groaning]

- What did you do to Todd?

He's despondent.

- I downloaded five decades of the most depressing

scientific facts into his mainframe.

- Mars is populated entirely with robots,

but they'll never meet each other.

- You used comedy against me, so I used science against you.

- That's dirty pool.

Come on, Todd.

Snap out of it.

- Todd just can't right now.

- Tell me a joke.

- I will tell you a joke.

The world's response to climate change.

- Good one, Todd.

- Let me get this straight.

We told you not to do the ramp, you did the ramp.

We told you to send Hudson home, he didn't go home.

Hudson went off the ramp, broke his arm.

His mom saw it on the internet,

and she's in the other room right now?

- That's right.

- Good luck.

- Hey.

- Huh?

Oh, I don't want to.

She's so scary.

both: Karen.

- Hey.

We just want you to know that

we found out what happened,

and we take it very, very seriously.

[farting]

- Wasn't me.

- Just give it a minute.

- I'm sorry, Luan.

You made that comment about science, and I overreacted.

I shouldn't have put those recycled jokes into Todd.

I mean, without people like you,

there'd be no jokes at all.

- I overreacted too.

I'm sorry.

- I'd love to hear another joke if you have one.

- I do.

Why can you never trust atoms?

- I don't know. Why?

- 'Cause they make up everything.

- [laughs] It's funny 'cause it's true.

Although, technically, energy-- you know what?

It's funny.

[laughter]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

- Of all the irresponsible... - But--

- Negligent... - But--

- Boneheaded things you could do,

sending my son off that death ramp is easily

the most irresponsible, negligent...

both: Boneheaded. - Boneheaded thing ever done.

Mark my words, you're gonna end up just like Mrs. Watkins,

who is no longer with us.

- What does it mean?

- I don't know.

♪ ♪

Listen Karen, I know this looks bad, but rest assured,

in this house, a child's safety is our number one concern.

- Ugh.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Now, that looked real.

- Yes.

- I've seen enough.

- No, no. We can explain.

- Just hear us out.

- You will be hearing from my lawyers

and from my husband, who is also a lawyer.

You're gonna cover every penny of my sweet boy's

medical expenses.

And you're gonna spend the rest of your lives paying

for the therapy that he will need

to overcome the emotional trauma

that this family has caused him!

♪ ♪

Hudson, come on.

Your car seat is heated and waiting.

- I'm not going anywhere.

- Don't talk back to me.

We will discuss this at home after you take a warm bath.

[gasping]

- Should've went with sourdough.

- I don't want a warm bath.

Today was the first day of my entire life

that I felt truly alive.

I felt the wind in my hair.

I felt my heart beating in my chest.

I ate a whole grape, and I loved it.

- Oh, Hudson, no.

- Yes.

And I'm hungry for more.

I want to take chances.

Push myself.

I want to feel a cold drink in the palm of my hand.

Oh.

OK, that is freezing.

- Sorry.

- And I want to look at the girl I love in the eye

and tell her she's the one.

- Still have a girlfriend.

- I gave it a shot.

The Louds aren't the problem, Mom.

You are the problem.

So you're not gonna call those lawyers,

and I'm not getting in the car with you.

I will be walking home without a helmet.

- [gasps]

[applause]

- Hudson.

- You did it.

- You really are a madman.

- Yes!

Oh, ooh.

A madman that needs to go to an actual doctor.

- Let's make a hole. Here you go.

- Hey, Hudson, be careful.

Those floors have a fresh coat of--

- Whoa! [cracking]

That was my good arm.

♪ ♪

- I'll get some more bread.

- I'll get the frosting.

- Yeah.

- ♪ This is my song I dance to ♪

♪ Everybody dance to my song ♪

♪ ♪

♪ These are the lyrics that I wrote ♪

♪ So you can dance to my song ♪

♪ ♪

♪ So ♪

♪ Dance with your hands, dance with your hands, dance ♪

♪ Dance, dance ♪

♪ Dance with your hands ♪

♪ Dance with your hands, dance ♪

♪ Dance, dance ♪

♪ Dance with your hands, dance with your hands, dance ♪

♪ Dance