02x09 - Louds in Love

[bunniefuu]

- [whistles] - Come on!

It's picture time!

[upbeat music]

- ♪ In the Loud house - Come on!

- ♪ The really Loud house ♪

[bright music]

- I'm excited for tonight. - Me too.

- 'Kay. Bye, valentine.

- Bye, valen-tini. - Bye, valen-tino.

- Bye, val-gal.

- I don't have any more, dude.

- I have more,

but I'll save them for tonight.

- [chuckles softly] Bye.

[phone beeps]

- There's nothing like Valentine's Day

in the Loud house.

[indistinct chatter]

Hearts are waiting to be filled.

Songs are waiting to be sung.

[tender music]

- Happy Valentine's Day, Boo-boo Bear.

- Yep, love is in the air.

[upbeat music]

- [yawns]

- Happy Valentine's Day, parental units.

[together] Happy Valentine's Day.

- [sneezes]

♪ ♪

- I didn't even get to give them mine.

- [frightened screaming] - Sigh.

- Why would the two most in-love people we know

be so down? - [yawns]

- On the day that celebrates love?

- It's a mystery.

[together] Let's double L this thing.

[groovy rock music]

♪ ♪

- It's a beautiful day. They have gorgeous children.

- What could these people possibly be so down about?

[quirky music]

♪ ♪

Aside from the usual.

♪ ♪

- ♪ You're my Valentine, Sam, so listen up, ma'am ♪

♪ 'Cause I've got a plan to play you a jam ♪

♪ And these are the words that rhyme with Sam ♪

♪ Clam, bam, Paki-stam ♪

♪ Let's cook eggs in a non-stick pan ♪

♪ These were the words that rhyme with Sam ♪

♪ Will you be my Valen-tam? Whoo!

- I'm gonna be completely honest.

That was the best song you've ever written.

- Well, you gave me the great idea to go funny.

Sam's gonna love it.

- It's all part of Galentine's Day.

Oh, since I don't currently have a boyfriend,

I decided to help out all of my gals

with their special someones. - Aw.

- And BT-dubs, I think it's so cool

that you and your girlfriend are writing songs

for each other. - You're the best.

- I know.

- Got any big V-Day plans, Clyde?

- Just my annual Valentine's Day picture.

- Clyde's dads have a photo of him on every Valentine's Day

since he was born because he's their heart.

[bright music]

You really are a heartbreaker.

- Lincoln, close your eyes.

And open.

I made Zia a special outfit for your date tonight.

- Uh...

- I think he likes it.

- Happy Valentine's Day.

Now, I just have a few more adjustments to make,

so ta-ta. Come on.

♪ ♪

- [nervous laugh]

- , , .

! - I am so proud of us.

We finally saved up enough to do the entire -course meal

at Café Délicieux.

Oh, I'm gonna wait until after dessert

to open up my present.

- Babe, paying for half of the dinner is my present.

It's all the money I have.

- Oh, OK. [chuckles]

- [chuckles] - So no present?

That's great.

[ragtime music]

♪ ♪

- OK, people. Five hours until curtain, OK?

Let's run it one more time.

And once we tape off half the seats,

we're looking at a packed house!

Action!

♪ ♪

- And then, he lassoed me in.

- Do you think he was flirting with you?

- Yes!

And then, when I left the theater,

he opened three imaginary doors for me.

- OK. So here's what you have to do.

Tonight at the show, you have to mime something

to him that shows you feel the same way.

- But how do I do that?

Scotty is the best mime in class,

and so far, all I basically learned is...

- Are you sautéing onions in a frying pan?

- No, I'm poking a dead body with a stick.

- Why would you mime that? - To see if he's dead.

- Oh. - See?

This is never gonna work. - Yes, it is,

because it's Galentine's Day, and you are my gal, so...

[quirky music]

♪ ♪

Step into my office.

[groovy music]

- If Mom and Dad are upset, it's usually an inside job.

[knocking]

- We need to ask you a few questions.

- We got a runner!

- Going somewhere?

- I'm not telling you anything.

[tense music]

Fine. I did it.

I use the cereal bowls as Petri dishes.

I've been doing it for weeks.

- Do Mom and Dad know about this?

- No! Nobody does.

I hide under the sink to avoid being caught.

It was for science!

- Easy, Specs.

Do you ever hear Mom and Dad talking

while you're hiding under there?

- Yes.

Just last night, they seemed a bit blue,

something about a jar and not having enough money.

- That's not surprising.

They have kids and one toilet.

- I think we have our answer. Mom and Dad are out of money.

- Guess that means the sink's not the only thing...

that's broke.

[cat screeches]

- Sorry, Cliff. Didn't see you there.

[cat meows]

- Whatever I wear, I'm gonna look horrible next to her.

I'm starting to get nervous about this date, Clyde.

- Yeah, I get that.

- What do you mean you get that?

You're supposed to say how I shouldn't be nervous,

and you're supposed to tell me that I'm crazy

and everything's gonna be fine.

- You're crazy and everything's gonna be fine.

- Don't just repeat what I say, Clyde.

- I'm sorry. I get that you're nervous.

This is the first time that you're

gonna be alone with her.

- What? - I mean, think about it.

When Zia's at your house, your family's always around.

And at school, you're always with friends.

- You're right. I've never been alone with her.

Now I'm taking her to a fancy restaurant.

- Yep.

- What if I can't think of anything to say?

She'll be in her pretty dress,

and I'll be in my stupid orange outfit.

How could this get any worse?

- Well, it's Valentine's Day,

so she's probably expecting a kiss.

- From me?

[quirky music]

[body thuds]

I can't go on this date, Clyde.

- You're crazy and everything's gonna be fine.

- [grunts] Come here!

[body thuds]

- That's it. I'm calling off this date.

- You can't call off the date.

- Leni, I need your Valentine's magic.

I'm getting nervous about my date with Zia.

- Oh, don't be nervous.

- I've never been alone with her.

- Oh, that's not good.

- I'm so excited about my song.

I told Sam to come over earlier.

[laughter]

OK, so I was thinking...

- You really got to help me on this, Clyde.

- I got to get to my Valentine's Day photoshoot.

It's gonna take me two hours to get into wardrobe.

Sorry.

- Hey, Clyde. Where's the fire?

Do you mind answering a few questions?

- Why are our parents bankrupt? - I have no idea.

- I think we just caught a break in the case.

- You're off the hook.

- Don't leave town, Slim.

[groovy rock music]

- OK.

- I've hacked into Mom and Dad's bank count,

discovering that they are indeed not broke.

They have a bank balance of $.

- [gasps] - Gasp.

- That's right. We're rich.

- Hello, second toilet. - Wait a second.

Mom and Dad have also spent a lot of money

on two people named Pierre and Colette.

- Who are Pierre and Colette?

- They better not be our secret siblings,

or else we're never getting that second toilet.

- Pierre and Colette.

Sounds like this mystery goes right through

those French freeloaders.

- Oui, oui, better get escargot-ing.

♪ ♪

[cat screeches]

- Jeez, Cliff. Stop being so dramatic.

[cat meows]

- ♪ And when the noise gets too loud ♪

♪ I look for you in the crowd ♪

♪ Waiting all my life to tell you ♪

♪ Know that you're the one forever ♪

♪ So look at the stars ♪

♪ They're beautiful ♪

♪ Just like the girl I love so ♪

I stayed up all night writing that.

Now sing me your song.

- You know, I would... [chuckles]

But the lyrics are just out there.

Yeah, one second. [laughs]

- I need some advice.

- Did you guys put air holes in this thing?

I'm feeling a little lightheaded.

- It's just a mime high.

Look, if you're afraid of being alone with Zia,

just make it a double date with Clyde.

- That's genius. - It's what I do.

- Thanks.

- Are you sure you know how to teach mime?

- Happy Galentine's Day, Leni. - Happy Galentine's Day.

[gasps] Oh.

- [gasps] - Is something wrong?

- Yes, something's wrong. - Does it have to do with me?

- Yes, it's about you. - Ugh, is it about the song?

- Yes, it has something to do with the song.

Your funny idea was all wrong.

Now, I have about five seconds

to write the most romantic song ever.

- OK. Does it have to rhyme?

- Luna?

- Quick, give me those bed sheets.

- OK, all right, on three,

turn on the main water source. - Ready.

- One...

Turn off the main water source!

- [screams]

- Turn off the main water source!

Here you go.

- I didn't have enough money to buy you a gift,

so I made a sculpture of you

out of produce from the mercado.

- It's amazing. I love the banana high heels.

And my eyes are blueberries.

- Happy Valentine's Day, babe.

[bright music]

♪ ♪

- I'm good.

- Quick. Out the window.

- Have you seen Luna?

[crash] - No.

[quirky music]

♪ ♪

- Luna? - Oh, hey, babe!

[chuckles]

The lyrics are just somewhere down here, yeah.

♪ ♪

- Clyde? Why won't you answer?

Clyde?

Clyde. Clyde. Clude.

Sorry. Typo.

Clyde!

[camera shutter clicking]

- Yes! Oh!

OK, now, smell the rose.

Flutter your wings.

Now show me your stinging face.

- Buzz. - Shake your stinger. Ooh.

- How many options do you need?

- Your dads asked for .

Now moving on to honey.

[groovy rock music]

- [sighs] Nothing.

This Pierre and Colette might as well be ghosts.

- I agree.

We have to figure out what's making Mom and Dad so upset.

[fabric tearing]

♪ ♪

- I think we just caught ourself a break.

Someone get me whatever this is watched on.

- I'm taking you to a romantic moonlit dinner

at the place where it all began.

- The Eiffel Tower? [gasps]

Oh, but it's so cloudy here.

- Our love will chase away the clouds!

[together] Ew.

[romantic accordion music]

♪ ♪

- We will always have Saint Valentine's Day.

♪ ♪

- It all makes perfect sense now.

- Really?

I thought there were several unnecessary plot twists.

- And nobody vomited up beetles or got bit by a vampire

or buried alive. Boring.

- Something did get buried. Mom and Dad's dream.

- Don't you get it?

Mom and Dad are Pierre and Colette.

It was always their dream to go to Paris

on Valentine's Day.

- I see Paris. I see France.

Mom and Dad need to get back their romance.

[groovy rock music]

[cat screeches]

- Enough, Cliff. Go chase a mouse or something.

[cat meows]

♪ ♪

- So Mom and Dad wanted to go to France?

- Yeah, but they had a bunch of kids,

and we cost a lot of money.

- Plus, the house is falling apart.

- That's why we need your guys' help.

- I'm sorry, guys.

I have dinner with Bobby tonight.

[giggles]

- And I've got to win my girlfriend back.

- And I got to let a boy know I like him.

[giggles]

- You're on your own for this one.

- You guys will get it when you're our age.

- I can help you gals out.

[together] Don't let her help you!

- Jeez. OK.

[indistinct chatter]

[tense music]

- Hey. I came as fast as I could.

- Where's your date? - What date?

- Didn't you read my texts? - You sent of them.

- I was too nervous to be alone with Zia,

so I kind of told her we were double dating

with you and a mystery girl.

- She definitely is a mystery girl

because she doesn't exist!

- Hey, guys! - Hey, Zia!

- You look great, girl. - Yeah.

- I'm excited to meet your date, Clyde.

Where is she?

- She is inside.

- Yes! She is inside.

- [laughs]

- But she doesn't like to order

in front of people she just met.

- Yeah, I get that.

It's actually one of the things that I love about her,

even though I've never met her. [chuckles]

- So... [chuckles]

Why don't you guys wait out here for, like,

five-ish minutes, and I'll go in there

and help her order, and we'll get this double date underway.

[both chuckle]

- Well...

- Who wants to be my date? Anyone wanna be my date?

Anyone?

[dramatic music]

- Excuse me, but are you alone? - Why?

Is it so crazy that I'm not with a guy?

I'm here to protest the constructs

of this patriarchal holiday.

Valentine's Day is nothing but a capitalistic thirst trap

invented by corporate overlords

with the sole intention of making money.

- I'll give you bucks to pretend to be my date.

- , and I want the lava cake. - and bread pudding.

- Done.

[groovy music]

[wrench clicking]

- Honey, I think I fixed it. - Really?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Turn it on.

- [giggles] Ah, not this time.

[quirky music]

OK. Here we go.

[gasps] You did it!

- [laughs]

- [laughs] - Whoo-hoo-hoo!

- We got it!

- We fixed it. We fixed it.

- Ah, ah! Ah.

We need to call a plumber.

[somber music]

♪ ♪

- [sighs]

Not even "Pierre and Colette" can help us this time.

- We noticed you weren't having the best Valentine's Day.

- What makes you say that? - So we got you this present.

- Oh, dinner for two at the Korn Dog Hut.

- Coleslaw not included. - Thanks, guys.

I'm starving. - You are the best.

You know, sometimes in life-- - The Korn Dog Hut closes soon.

- Thank you so much. - Yep, let's go.

♪ ♪

- Let's get to work.

[upbeat music]

- Hi. I'm Zia. - This is Kristen.

- Kiersten. - Kirsten?

- Kiersten. - Would you guys like to order?

- Yes.

The lovely lady would like

the chicken piccata with carrots and mashed potatoes.

- Lincoln.

That's exactly what I was gonna order.

- [chuckles]

- Oh. My lady would like...

[tense music]

The freedom to order for herself.

- I'm actually not ready.

- I thought you got here early to look at the menu.

- Oh, she did, but it's a very extensive menu.

The burger looks really good. - I'm a vegan.

- Oh, which I knew because I'm your boyfriend, honey.

♪ ♪

OK. [laughs nervously]

Whew.

- We're gonna need a few minutes.

[groovy music]

- Sink's fixed.

[phone beeps] - Text sent.

[phones chiming]

♪ ♪

- I've got to go. - I've got to go.

♪ ♪

- Did you take care of Vanzilla?

- They won't be getting far.

[engine sputtering]

- And the Korn Dog Hut is closed.

- Here we go.

Three bread puddings and one lava cake.

- Thank you.

- You got something to say?

- You pinky promised. - What's going on?

[nervous laughter]

- Just a little lover's quarrel.

- [chuckles] - Well, this has been fun,

and it was certainly great to meet you, Kristen.

- Kirsten. - Kiersten.

[together] Kiersten?

- Kiersten! - Rod?

[together] Rod?

- You dumped me four hours ago,

and you're already with another guy?

- How did you know I was here? - I tracked your phone.

- See? This is what I'm talking about!

- So you're the new boyfriend, huh?

- Yes! Uh, they're very much in love.

- Well, then you're in love with a dead man.

- Oh, Mr. Rod, sir, this isn't what it looks like.

I paid her for her services.

- You what? [screams]

- My new dress!

[tense music]

This whole night has been super weird.

I gotta go.

[soft dramatic music]

- Wait.

- If that was bread pudding, it would have dabbed right out.

[screams]

♪ ♪

[tender music]

♪ ♪

[together] Happy Valentine's Day!

- You fixed the sink.

- [sighs] Thanks, guys.

- Pierre. - Colette.

♪ ♪

[romantic accordion music]

♪ ♪

[together] Welcome to Paris.

♪ ♪

- Merci.

- And for Mama.

- Roses?

- I mean-- - Todd.

- Viva la France.

♪ ♪

- [gasps] - [laughs softly]

- May we show you to your seats?

- Tonight's special is an -course meal

that cost all the money I've made in the past sev--

- Bobby, Bobby. - Bon appétit.

♪ ♪

- Zia, wait.

- I don't want to talk to you, Lincoln.

- Just let me explain.

- Fine.

- Oh, I didn't think you would.

Uh, no, I got this.

I was so excited to spend Valentine's Day with you,

and I saw you in your dress, and you looked so beautiful--

I mean, you always look beautiful,

but you looked extra beautiful.

And then, Clyde told me that I'd never been alone with you,

which I had never realized.

Because even when we're with other people,

when I look at you, it's like you're the only one in the room

because you're so beautiful, which I already mentioned.

But I mean, Clyde said you'd probably

be expecting a kiss and--

[tender music]

- Happy Valentine's Day, Lincoln.

- Best night ever. - [laughs softly]

- Hey, we're actually alone.

- I'm very happy for you two.

[romantic accordion music]

- We finally made it, Colette.

♪ ♪

- Such a romantic holiday.

♪ ♪

[blows loudly]

♪ ♪

- I loved your song. - [laughs]

- I don't think this night could get any better.

- Beating heart. Romantic tune.

Conjure me a lover's moon.

♪ ♪

- ♪ You're my Valentine, Sam, so listen up, ma'am ♪

♪ 'Cause I've got a plan to play you a jam ♪

♪ And these are the words that rhyme with Sam ♪

♪ Clam, bam, Paki-stam ♪

♪ Let's cook eggs in a non-stick pan ♪

♪ Ram, scram, Hoover Dam ♪

♪ In England, they call a stroller a "pram" ♪

♪ Will you be my Valen-tam? ♪

Whoo!