02x05 - Louder by the Dozen

[bunniefuu]

- [whistles] - Let's go, everybody!

Picture time!

[upbeat music]

- ♪ In the Loud house - Come on!

- ♪ The really Loud house ♪

♪ ♪

♪ The really Loud house ♪

[rooster crows]

- Goal! - [giggling]

- Oh, it's mine, mine, mine.

- Dude, that's not yours. - It's totally mine.

- The Loud house has always been loud.

But in the past few months,

thanks to Lynn's new friend, Zia, it's kicked up a notch.

[grunts] - Oops.

- Hey, that's a goal.

- Lincoln! - Sorry.

- I got it. - Ah!

- Oops.

- I'm OK. - Goal.

- Goal.

- Nice reflexes, spaghetti arms.

So funny.

- But it was cool because Lynn loved having a best friend.

[both laughing]

And it wasn't just Lynn.

- [scatting]

- The whole family loved having Zia around.

- [scatting]

- How many lumps would you like, milady?

One or two? - Two.

- Yep... - [giggles]

- Zia was a hit. [toy squeaks]

Literally.

both: We hit you in the head with this.

- Football. Basketball. Baseball. Volleyball.

Soccer ball. Tennis ball. Hockey puck.

[all shouting]

- It's white. - Ice cream.

Um, lemonade.

- You made me laugh so hard I shot this out of my nose.

- Milk! - Yes!

[clapping]

- She was like the th Loud,

which was great, unless you're this guy.

[buzzer] - I'm sorry.

The answer was skim milk, and you said milk.

Zero points. - Aww.

- But-- - No buts.

- Clyde, I'm gonna have to defend my wife here.

- Zero points. - OK.

[all groan]

- You see, Clyde had held the title of th Loud

unopposed for years.

[ding]

[ding]

- And now we issue the first-ever Loud for Life

commemorative jacket to Clyde McBride!

- Woo! - Yeah!

- Or as he is now known,

"Extra Loud." - Thanks, family.

[all chanting] Clyde! Clyde! Clyde! Clyde!

- Clyde, she got it. - I'm sorry.

But without rules, we have nothing.

[all groan] - All right.

Let's get some dessert. Dad made Zia's favorite cake.

[excited chatter]

- I'll make sure to have it with skim milk, Clyde.

- I'm just saying it's a thinner version

of regular milk.

- I know it's been frustrating for you having her around.

But Zia's the shiny new toy,

and it's not gonna be like this forever.

And Lori's coming home today.

So there's gonna be a big celebration.

No one's even gonna be thinking about Zia.

- Yeah, that's right. And Lori loves me.

Plus, she's the only one who hasn't fallen under

Zia's spell. - See? There you go.

Everything's looking up for you, Clyde.

[horn honks] Oh, she's home!

- [groans]

- Yay! - Lori!

- There she is.

- It is so good to finally meet you in person,

Zia, Zia, pizzeria!

Oh, that's an inside joke

because one time Zia ate an entire extra-large pizza

all by herself. - Wow.

- Ooh! That's impressive. - Classic Zia.

- Everyone was LOLing on the sister group chat.

- Even me.

- She's on the sister group chat?

- Clyde, I didn't even see you there.

[excited chatter]

- Zia, that was so good. - All right.

So she's on the sister group chat. Big deal.

You, me, and Dad can start a boys' chat.

- See, that's not the point, Lincoln.

She's trying to replace me.

- Let's not overreact. Why don't you splash your face

with some cold water, take a deep breath,

and we can all go downstairs and have some cake.

It's your favorite cake.

- Fine.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- I'm on the family chore chart.

I believe it's my turn to wash the bathroom floor.

- Clyde, you can't do that.

- Do not tell me she replaced me on the chore chart too!

[grunts]

- Come on, Clyde.

They're about to cut Lori's welcome home cake,

and we can't miss cake twice.

- I'm not going down there, Lincoln. I have my pride.

Will you bring me a piece? - All right.

I get it. You need a few minutes.

- It's pronounced "months."

- You can't stay up here forever, Clyde.

- Watch me.

- OK. You can say no to me,

but you can't say no to this.

You know how many people in the world have this jacket, Clyde?

One.

And do you know who that is?

You.

And do you know why?

Because you earned it.

You are unique.

You are bold.

You are loved.

You are the beating heart of this family.

Now hold your head high, go down there,

and remind those people why you are the only one

who will ever wear this jacket.

- You are bold. You are loved.

You are the beating heart of this family.

[all cheering]

- Thanks, family.

[all chanting] Zia! Zia! Zia!

Zia! Zia! Zia!

[thump]

- It's just a jacket, Clyde. It's meaningless.

- We're not going back down there, Lincoln.

They'll see what it's like to miss Clyde McBride.

- Who's ready for cake number three?

[cheering]

- Do you want me to go down there

and see if they're missing you yet?

- Really?

- Or I can just stay here with you.

- Here we go. Let's cut this sucker up.

- I got dibs on first piece.

[upbeat music]

- You never know how long it's gonna take a guy to

get over a severely bruised ego, but I do.

And it's hours, minutes, and counting.

And to add salt to the wound, Lori's welcome home party

turned into a welcome home weekend.

There was an opening night dance party...

[dance music]

- Nice. - Woo!

- Aunt Helen got out of her wheelchair.

- Wow! - It's a miracle.

- It's not a miracle. Zia got her to dance.

- A family water balloon fight...

- Water balloon fight!

[laughter]

- Watch the hair.

[elephant trumpets]

- The revival of the Loud family circus...

- Hey, buddy.

- Nice stilts, Dad. - Thank you.

Mom's on the trapeze. You got to get down here.

Somebody move the tricycle!

Got it, OK.

- Another water balloon fight...

[laughter] - Gotcha.

- Best day ever.

- Best weekend ever.

- A second family dance party...

- Who's ready to limbo?

[cheering] [dance music]

- Limbo! Limbo!

- Go, Mom. Go, Mom.

- Finally, the party ends-- [fireworks popping]

[sighs]

- Whoa! - Wow!

- Except for the end-of-night- fireworks extravaganza.

- Clyde.

- Yeah?

- Zia needs a blanket.

- Oh, that was a great one. - Oh, I love it.

[fireworks popping]

- Night, Clyde.

- Ooh! - I love that one.

- It's pool day, people.

[all cheering]

- Pool day?

- Morning, ladies. - Who's in? Huh?

- Pool day!

♪ ♪

- I couldn't convince Clyde to end his protest.

I had lost all credibility after my jacket speech.

But I knew a few guys who could snap him out of his funk

and get him back out in the world.

Long story short, Clyde's devastated.

And I've been stuck in my room with him for two straight days.

- He won't let you leave? - No.

That's why we have to make this quick

because he thinks I'm in the bathroom.

- You are in the bathroom.

- That's the exact type of interruption

we don't have time for.

I really need you guys to convince Clyde to forgive Zia,

be the bigger man, and join the party.

No matter what he says, you cannot give up.

- You got it, Linc.

- We ain't leaving that room till he does.

- I'm gonna go in there. Give it, like, five seconds,

and then you guys come in and do your thing.

You guys are the best.

[girls giggling]

- Oh, hey, guys. - Hey, Liam.

These are my friends from college,

Tawni, Tami, Toni, Tiffy, and Tori.

all: Hey.

[giggling]

- Oh.

- Clyde, we heard what's going on.

You got to drop this thing.

Be the bigger man and get back in the game.

- Not a chance.

- We tried.

- Yahoo! - Pool party!

- Woo-hoo!

all: Hey!

- Cannonball!

[cheering]

[all cheering]

- Are you sure you don't want to--

- We're not leaving!

- That cannonball was sick. - That was so much fun.

- We got to grab some sunscreen for Tami.

- No, it's for Tawni. - No, it's for Toni.

- No, Toni wants the egg salad. both: Oh.

- I was getting some pretty strong vibes from Toni.

- Like she's gonna go for some pimpled-faced middle schooler.

Plus, I saw her first.

- Luna asked me to hold her lemonade

while she went down the water slide.

That might mean something.

- Trust me, it absolutely does not.

- Look, I'm bringing Toni the egg salad,

so keep your distance. That's bro code.

- Enjoying the pool party, guys?

- Lincoln, how long have you been in there?

- Long enough to hear you make a mockery of bro code.

Look at you guys,

errand boys for women who see you as nothing more than

hairless lemonade jockeys.

- OK, you're lashing out.

- Why don't you just join us at the pool party?

- Because I'm up here with Clyde.

And bro code dictates that you must stay here with your bros

until they are done crying.

- Are we gonna skip the pool party to join you

while Clyde weeps into his pillow?

No, we are not.

- But because we're bros,

we'll try to have less fun.

- Pool party! - Woo!

[boys cheering]

[upbeat music]

[cheering]

♪ ♪

- Go, Zia. Go, Zia.

♪ ♪

[muffled cheering]

- Come on, Clyde. It's a party.

You could do your famous Clyde McBride water slide front flip.

- I'm gonna go down the slide.

[all cheering]

[all chanting] Zia! Zia! Zia!

- Wow!

[cheering]

- Double front flip!

- Wow, Zia, that was so impressive!

- Crazy, dude. - Zia's the best.

[all chanting] Zia! Zia! Zia! Zia!

- That's it! I'm done being in this room.

- Yes! Time to hit the pool!

♪ ♪

- I'm not talking about going to the pool.

- Yes! Wait, where were you talking about going?

- You know, I don't need your house.

My house is just as much fun.

Do you know what tonight is?

- Opera night? - You know it.

[dramatic opera music]

♪ ♪

- I'll be out in a sec.

♪ ♪

- Best day ever!

- Lincoln! Come on.

- My makeup's smudging.

I'll be out in a few.

[opera singing in background]

- Hey, Linc! - Whoa!

- Hey. Hey, buddy.

You know, we're really missing you over there.

How you doing?

- [sighs] Not so good, Dad.

Clyde's still pretty bent out of shape about Zia.

And I'm trying to be a good friend,

but truth is, I'm sad I'm missing out

on Lori's welcome home party.

- Oh, Linc.

You know, being a loyal friend is a commendable trait.

And I'm sure when you and Clyde look back at these tough times,

it'll only strengthen the special bond

you two already share.

Which, by the way, is irreplaceable.

You'll figure it out. You always do.

Boop!

I'm proud of you, son.

- Thanks, Dad.

- [grunts]

Oh, just one more thing.

[breathing heavily]

[straining]

[panting]

Don't worry about Clyde and Zia.

Keep the faith. They'll get along.

There's a lot to like about her.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna go get that Frisbee off our roof.

Oh.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Maybe my dad's right.

Maybe there is a lot to like about Zia.

Clyde's not gonna find out,

so I have to find out for him.

I just need a plan to sneak away without him knowing.

So I waited until intermission.

I told Clyde I needed to steam my vocal cords...

and practice my scales.

[singing opera dramatically]

[singing replaying on phone]

I locked the bathroom door, took off my makeup,

and it was time for Operation: Things to Like About Zia.

- How fun is this party?

- I'm having so much fun.

Are you having fun? - Yeah.

- Are you cold? - Yeah.

- She's sweet...

- Let's go get a snack, OK? - OK.

- Check it out.

- [imitates fart] [girls giggling]

- She's funny...

both: So funny!

- [laugh echoing]

- And when the sunlight hits her just the right way,

you realize she has

the most beautiful smile you've ever seen.

[dreamy music]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Maybe I'll just go talk to her.

- Oh, that was fun.

I'm gonna go barf.

- Going to barf? - Yep.

- Yep.

Hey, Zia, you got a minute?

- I got to bounce.

- Oh, OK. Uh, maybe another time.

- No, I got a minute. I just got to bounce.

- Definitely funny.

You know, it just occurred to me that

you've been at the house a lot lately,

but I haven't really gotten to know you.

So, like, what's your deal?

For instance, do you like the opera?

- This is a little weird.

- I know. I'm sorry.

- No, it's a little weird that you're not bouncing.

I do like the opera.

Are we talking early Italian or Japanese?

- I don't know.

What about lemon bars?

Do you like a good lemon bar?

- What kind of lemons are you using? Meyer or zesty?

- You should really talk to Clyde.

- Cool. Where is he?

- He's at his house. He hates you.

Clyde's a little bit extremely jealous

of how popular you are with my family

because it's kind of his thing.

You know what? This isn't your problem to fix.

Thanks for your time, but I gotta bounce.

The leaving "bounce." - Right.

- Incoming! - [grunts]

- That was a legal hit.

- Good thing I'm pounds,

or that would have hurt.

[screeches]

[soft music]

♪ ♪

[dramatic opera music]

[grunting]

- Welcome back.

- Listen, Clyde! It's not what it looks like.

I can explain. - Don't "listen, Clyde,

it's not what it looks like, I can explain" me.

You were at the party, weren't you?

[sniffs] Cake.

[sniffs] Tacos.

[sniffs] Vulcanized rubber.

You were in a bouncy house!

- Yes. I was in a bouncy house.

But I was doing it for you.

I was trying to find out things you'd like about Zia.

- Aw, thank you, Lincoln.

And what was on the list?

Her athletic prowess?

Her ability to double front flip?

Her calculated plan to replace me

and rob me of everything I know and love?

- Look, I know you don't want to hear this, but she's sweet,

and she's cool, and she's funny.

She did this primo fart noise that totally got Rusty,

and everybody laughed at it, including her.

She's got this great laugh.

It's cute, and she kind of smiles with her eyes.

- Sounds like you made a list of things you like about her.

You know, why don't you go back to the house

and join the party?

I'll catch up on how everybody's doing

on this year's Christmas card,

which I'm sure Zia will replace me on, too.

- I'm sorry, Clyde. I was just trying to help.

[pensive music]

♪ ♪

- Hey, Clyde.

Everyone was missing you at the party.

So I thought I'd stop by to see if you guys wanted to join us.

I would have come over sooner, but they just

kept bringing out the cakes.

And I realized that I've been hanging out

with the Louds an awful lot,

and I just wanted to say that

I'm sorry if I was stepping on your toes.

I brought your jacket back. It's in pretty rough shape.

So I thought you might like a new one.

- That's your jacket.

- There can only be one th Loud.

[tender music]

♪ ♪

Maybe I can be the th Loud.

- This is kind of my moment.

- Cool.

You probably want to get out of that opera makeup.

So I'll see you guys back at the house.

Oh, and this fell out of your pocket

when Lynn tackled you at the bounce house.

- Thank God she didn't read this.

- I think she did.

[tender music]

You are an amazing friend,

and I haven't been one.

But I want to be one right now.

You can't miss this moment. - What moment?

- A girl likes you, and you have it in writing.

You got to get over there right now

and tell her you want to make this official.

- Really?

She probably knows I like her.

She already read my list.

- She doesn't want to hear it from the paper, Lincoln.

She wants to hear it from you. - What if you told her?

- Come here.

- You're right.

I got to tell her.

Let's go.

[exciting music]

both: So good.

- More cake?

- Zia, could I steal you for a sec?

- Sure.

- I know you read my note,

and I read your note, and--

Ah!

- Sorry.

- [stammers]

Anyway, I wrote that stuff in my notes because--

ah!

- That was Clyde's fault.

Come on, butterfingers. You got to make that catch.

- What I'm trying to say is--

[grunts]

- Oops.

- Will you excuse me for a moment?

- Hey.

Lynn, what are you doing?

- I was just trying to get your attention

because I wanted to tell you

it's so nice what you did for Clyde.

He's really lucky to have a best friend like you.

And I'm happy you're getting along with my best friend,

and I'm glad that we can all just be friends

and nothing more.

- And like a ball to the head, it hit me.

I was so focused on Clyde not wanting to be replaced,

I didn't realize it was Lynn not wanting to be replaced.

- It was blue. - [laughs]

Ah!

Pizza? - Sure.

- [chuckles] - [gasps]

- [grunts]

♪ ♪

And she tried to tell me that but in her own Lynn way.

- You're a really good friend, Lincoln,

and an even better brother.

- Excuse me.

Hi. Uh, where was I?

- You were saying something about your list?

- Oh, yeah. Um.

I forgot to add something to the list.

You've been such a good friend to my sister.

And that's the most important thing to me.

- Oh.

Yeah, I get that.

- OK, who wants some forbidden fruit cake?

- Ooh, the sour grapes really bring out the flavor.

- Ooh. - Ooh.

- Let's go. - I want some first!

- Come on. Here we go.

Carve this baby up.

- Even more cake. [chatter]

[upbeat disco music]

♪ ♪