08x01 - I k*lled Dirty John

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

Debra: My life has not been the
same since all of this has happened.

I didn't have a clue
that it would be

in the front page
of "the l.A. Times"

for many days,

and then it ended up
being a podcast

with over 40 million viewers.

I had no idea
it would be this big.

♪♪

After john died,
we went to the crematorium

to cremate john's body,

and I filmed it

so that I could have closure.

I felt like that was the final
step to having john gone.

As I was watching the box go
into the fire,

I couldn't help but think

that he was gonna
be burning in hell.

He put me through hell,
he put my family through hell,

and he's probably in hell.

♪♪

This is john in the hospital bed

after that incident.

I'm just so thankful
I can't see his eyes here.

I can't.

I'm sorry.

♪♪

I'm not gonna lie.
When I saw that picture,

you still feel guilty
of k*lling him,

even though I know
what I did was right.

I still took
another person's life.

[ the paper chase's "what's so
amazing about grace?" plays ]

[ strings continue
playing sinister tune ]

[ static crackling ]

[ knock at door ] [ creaking ]

[ banging on door ]

[ creaking ]

[ water dripping ]

[ banging on door ] [ creaking ]

[ sinister chord strikes ]

...[font color="#ffff00"] captions by vitac[/font]...
[font color="#00ffff"]www.Vitac.Com[/font]

captions paid for by
discovery communications

♪♪

Debra: I was a single woman.
I'd raise four kids,

and I was out on my own.
They had moved out.

They were in their 20s and 30s.

So, my nights were free.

I had been somewhat
unlucky in love,

and so, I was gonna
take a chance

and join a dating website.

When I saw john's profile,
he was in the medical field,

he was very handsome,
he had pictures of his dogs,

of his children,
and we decided to go on a date.

♪♪

John seemed to be
very interested in my life,

which I liked.

Everything he said
was, like, perfect in my eyes.

I did a lot
of traveling overseas

with doctors without borders.

Oh, my god. That's incredible.

He'd been divorced 16 years,

and I'm thinking to myself,
"wow. That's a long time

to be divorced
without jumping back in."

I made a mistake once.

It took me forever
to get over it.

John made me feel very desired,

and so that was why it was
so easy to get lured in.

I just wanted to be
with the right person and, uh...

I'm glad I waited.

This type of person gets
in your head, knows what to say.

It was just this gift
that he had. A sick gift.

♪♪

Well, this was
a picture of john,

one of the first pictures
he ever sent me.

Looking at it now,
I find it sad.

I can't do this.

Sorry.

What a waste of a person.

And he infected
way too many lives.

[ chuckles ] sorry.

♪♪

It's hard
talking about it so much.

'cause you think you've
completely moved on

and you're great,

and then it brings back
all these memories

of the hell you went through.

♪♪

♪♪

On our first date, I think
we closed down the restaurant.

I said, "why don't we go back
and I'll make you

a cup of coffee
before your drive back?"

and so, I invited him up.
I ran to the restroom.

When I came back
from the restroom,

he was laying on my bed.

And I said, "no. Unh-uh.
Get off.

We're not ending up here."

I said, "we've had
a perfect night. Don't do this."

and he goes,
"what's wrong with it?"

and I said, "well, 'cause
I don't want to go there yet."

and he kept laying there
and said, "it feels so good.

You have no idea
how good your bed feels."

and he kept making comments.
"this feels so good."

I'm thinking, "it's just
a mattress. Who cares?"

I didn't realize at the time
he had a secret.

♪♪

Looking back, he had been
in jail right before he met me.

The last time was three days
before I met him.

That's why the bed
felt so good to him.

He had just gotten out of
that jail.

And in hindsight, if I would
have known who this person was,

I would have never
dated the guy,

but I didn't realize that.

And finally I said,
"no, you're not staying.

You have to leave."

and he left.

♪♪

The next day, he calls...

[ telephone rings ]

...And he apologizes
for jumping on the bed.

He just didn't want it to end
and he was very attracted to me,

and he says that it was
completely his fault

and that he wanted
a second chance.

I was hesitant,
but he pleaded with me

and I finally said, "yes,
I'll give you a second chance."

the next few dates,
he was a complete gentleman

and would just kiss me
goodbye and leave.

And so, he learned his lesson.

♪♪

♪♪

John wore his scrubs a lot,

and back then, I didn't think
a lot of it

because I thought
it was going to work.

But there were times
when he would show up in scrubs

and they were dirty.

So, this photo is
a charity event

in the beginning when john and I
had just started going out

and he was really late,
I remember.

So, he pulled up late in scrubs

and I'm thinking, "huh. Okay."

and he said
he had no time to go home

and change at his place

because it was too far away
from where the hospital was.

If you're in surgery

and it's running over
'cause there's complications

and you don't have time
to change

and you're trying to get there,

I didn't question it.

I mean, I looked at it as odd,

but at the end of the day,
he always had the best excuses.

We had our picture taken
with the scrubs on.

But looking back now,
it was a complete act.

It's how he lured women in

and tried to look like
this great successful man.

And they were obviously old.

He had been using these scrubs
for years

to con women
or to go into hospitals.

I think back to how many
times he tried to fool me

by having his scrubs on

and how many other women
he fooled doing this to.

I still get calls every day
about it.

Just yesterday,
I had a call from a woman

that he had dated
right before me,

that she thought the same thing.

She actually thought
he was a doctor.

When I look at these scrubs
now on john,

I see them as a costume
and a way to lure women in.

♪♪

♪♪

With john, things were moving
very quickly

after our first date,
and he treated me so well.

I was loving every minute of it.
It felt so great.

Hi, sweetheart. Hey, mom.

It was a few days
before thanksgiving,

and terra
was coming out to help me

with the dinner
for thanksgiving.

I was very excited for john to
meet terra

and terra to meet john.

I thought they would
get along really well.

John, terra's here.
Come and say hello.

How are you doing, sweetie?
I'm good, mom.

She said that john
was very charming.

She said that he was a doctor,
and she was so happy about that.

I am so excited
for you to meet him.

I know. I can't wait.
He sounds perfect.

If my mom is so in love with him

and thought that this was
her guy and her perfect guy,

I wanted to get to know him.

Hey there.

Hi, john.

It's so nice to meet you.

I wanted john to be nice
and comforting and endearing,

but instead when I met him,

he was kind of cold
and standoffish.

Why don't we all take a seat?

Usually if someone has kids
and they're dating your mom,

then that's what they talked
about most of the time,

because they want you to know,

like, they had kids
and they care about them.

So, john, I hear you've got
daughters of your own.

Yeah.

But john didn't talk a lot
about his family.

My mom, however, would talk
a lot about his daughters

and how he was such a good dad.

John is such
an incredible father,

and his daughters are all
so beautiful.

Aren't they, john?

Terra: Something was fishy
to me about that

because she never met them,

and if this guy
was so close to his kids,

why wouldn't you meet them?

Do you have any pictures
of them?

No, um... Not on me.

Oh.

John and terra did not hit
it off like I had imagined.

He was a little bit aloof.

I didn't know what was going on,

but prior to john, my kids
had been very protective

and they always felt
I deserved the best.

Why don't you bring your things
upstairs and get settled in?

Debra: And so,
I'm thinking to myself,

"here we go again.

They don't like a guy
because I'm falling for him."

♪♪

Terra, stay out of it.

I screamed back at him

and I screamed at my mom, too.

Seriously?

You're gonna let him
talk to me like that?

That would have been
the first moment

that she should have protected
me against john as a mother.

♪♪

Terra: The day before
thanksgiving, I went to newport

to spend thanksgiving
with my mom.

I found out things
were more serious

than I was led on to believe.

My mom said that john
was not moving in with her,

but I walk into the bathroom,

I notice his men's
grooming bag there.

Then I noticed
there's a toothbrush.

There's his, like, aftershave,

and there's stuff of his
in the home,

like he would be living there
and not as a guest.

As I walked in through the house

and I'm just seeing his stuff
everywhere, I'm getting so angry

because I'm being told
that he's not living there

and I'm being very suspicious
of what she said to me.

And then I open the closet
of the room

that I was staying in
to put my suitcase in the closet

and I realized that
there wasn't room in the closet.

Because his stuff
was just everywhere.

There was a box there filled
to the brim,

a little bit overflowing,

but right on top
was a nursing certificate.

I was told that john
was an anesthesiologist

and I was mad
that I was getting lied to,

so I confronted her.

Mom,

what the hell is his stuff
doing all over the place?

Terra had gotten very,
very upset

and was yelling at john
and telling him,

"what are you doing
with things in my mom's house?"

and yelling at me.

Did he move in here? Yes, honey.

I meant to tell you.
I can't believe you!

Are you crazy?

Mom, you don't know
anything about this guy.

Don't you dare yell
at your mother like that.

"what are his diplomas?
He's not an anesthesiologist."

what the hell is this?

Something's wrong with this guy.
And she's yelling.

She's very upset.

He's been lying to you.
He's not a doctor.

He's a nurse.

Well, I'm sure
there's a reasonable...

Terra, you stay out of it.

Terra: He comes in accusing me
of snooping through his things.

He told me that I didn't want
to see my mom happy,

that I just wanted her
for all myself.

If you were my daughter,
I'd smack the hell out of you.

Seriously? You're gonna
let him talk to me like that?

I scream back at him,
and I scream at my mom, too,

because I couldn't believe
that she was allowing him

to speak to me like this.

I don't know what's wrong with
you that you can't see that.

She felt that john was lying
about his life

and that she could see
right through him

and why can't I see it?

I told her it's my life and
I can make decisions on my own.

I'm an adult
and she needs to respect me.

That was completely out of line.

I told her, "I don't know what
else to do other than leave"

'cause I'm feeling like I'm
getting kicked out of the house.

Well, I'm not staying
in the house with him here.

No one is forcing you to stay.

Terra: She never stopped me.

It just hurts because that would
have been the first moment

that she should have protected
me against john as a mother.

You're choosing him
over your own daughter?

Debra: After terra left...

Fine.

...I asked john
about the certificate,

and his reply to me was

he was a nurse anesthetist
opposed to an anesthesiologist,

but they basically
do the same thing.

So, I didn't think
anything of it.

I just thought that she was
making a big deal over nothing.

♪♪

After the fight,
I went to my sister's,

and jacqueline and I were
discussing that something

is terribly off with this guy,
that this guy is evil.

There's something
seriously off about him.

I thought the same thing
when I met him.

And that's when there was
a string of text messages

that came in
from my mom's phone...

Oh, my god.

What?

Saying that my sister

should jump off a building,
head first would be preferably,

and telling my sister
to end her life.

What the hell?

I just don't understand.
Let me see.

Jackie, this is crazy.

Jacqueline was shaking

'cause her mom
was saying these things to her,

but I looked at them and I
thought that couldn't be my mom

saying that.

There's no way
mom would say this.

The wording was off.

It wasn't how
she would write something.

And we knew it was not.
My mom who was sending them.

Mom would never say this to us.

It was john.

Yeah, you've got to be right.

I could tell that
he was dangerous,

but at this time,
we only had suspicions,

and it was so frustrating

because we were perceived
as the crazy ones.

We've got to get him
away from her.

♪♪

♪♪

We warned her so many times,

and she was unable
to see the red flags

and I knew this was
gonna happen.

♪♪

John filled a void

that I felt many
other men had not filled.

He made me feel like
I was the only one.

Every word was completely
what I wanted to hear.

Every action
was what I wanted to see.

♪♪

But there was this Sunday

where john and I
were going to church.

Came home,
walked in the front door.

[ laughs ] that's a good idea.

[ gasps ]

and there's this woman
with wet hair,

dressed all in white,

reading this little bible,
drinking ovaltine.

She had all my clothes on.

I'm talking to her.
"how'd you get in my house?"

what are you doing?

And she said,
"well, it's my house."

this is my home.

She looks very distraught.

I thought she was mentally ill,

a homeless woman that had
wandered her way into our house,

and john slammed her down
on the kitchen counter.

And john looks at me
and he said, "call the police."

call the police! What?

♪♪

Debra: Once the girl was gone,

john immediately went
into protective mode.

He felt that we needed
to get cameras to protect me.

Cameras at the front door,
the bedroom, down the hall,

and towards the entry.

John had set it up to where
he could see me in his computer

and also on his phone.

At that point, I thought

he didn't want anything
to happen to me.

He was protecting me.

I just thought he cared
a lot about me and my safety.

I now look back and I feel

that john
probably knew the woman

and it was a way
to set up cameras in the house

so that he could watch me.

♪♪

♪♪

Woman:
John, please repeat after me.

I, john... I, john...

...Take debra...
...Take debra...

...To be my wedded wife...
...To be my wedded wife...

It had been two months

and john was very persistent
about wanting to get married,

and he kept saying, "please,
please," pleading with me.

He said,
"what do you have to lose?

We're gonna be together
the rest of our lives."

woman: ...For better or worse...
...For better or worse...

...For richer or poorer...
...For richer or poorer...

I was falling in love.

At the same time,
there was my gut

that was telling me, "slow down.
Something's not quite right."

but I was ignoring it because
the feelings of falling in love

are so much fun.

Woman: ...With this ring...
...With this ring...

...I thee wed...
...I thee wed...

...With all my love...
...With all my love...

...I give to you.
...I give to you.

We had no idea
that my mom had married john

until way after the fact.

We warned her that this guy
was a bad guy,

but she still did it anyways.

The reason I kept my marriage
to john a secret

is because I knew

it would create
a lot of problems with my kids

and I didn't want that.

Woman: By the power vested in me

by the laws
of the state of nevada,

I do pronounce you
husband and wife.

You may kiss your bride.

Oh, my gosh.

Woman: Aww.

[ cheers and applause ]

that was painful.

I think that one of the reasons
I stuck by john at certain times

was because
I had taken those vows.

I still felt that

that is the right thing
to do, to honor your vows.

When I look back now,

I realize it was all
a game to him.

The whole thing was a lie.

♪♪

♪♪

After john and I were married,

he was the doting husband

and things were great
for a while.

I felt like we were
on our honeymoon constantly.

But what I realized with john
is everything was orchestrated

to literally have
complete control.

♪♪

I got really creeped out

when I'm driving to vegas...

[ cellphone buzzes ]

...And he calls me.

Hi, john.

Yeah, I just pulled over.
What's up?

And he says, "I see
that you just passed barstow."

yeah.

"I think you need to stop
for gas probably in baker."

and I'm like, "okay."

the cameras
at the house felt normal,

you know, wanting to protect me
in my environment,

but he had also set up my iphone

to where he could sort of track
where I was going.

I didn't realize
he'd done my phone

and the ipad and all that.

Okay. Good idea. Thanks, honey.

Bye, john.

And I'm thinking to myself,
"hmm.

I don't like that he could just
see me everywhere he is.

That's just creepy."

that's when I thought, "hmm.

There's a lot more
to this that's going on."

♪♪

♪♪

There were some odd things
that he was doing.

I'm looking at this camera
thinking, "what's going on?"

♪♪

After the drive to vegas

when he had seen me in barstow

and was telling me
when to get gas,

I was pretty much wondering,
"what in the world is he doing?

Why is he watching me
to this degree?"

I was starting to become
suspicious at this point.

And so, I thought, "I'm gonna
hook up to the camera

so I can sort of see
what's happening."

there were some odd things that
he was doing.

In the morning,
he would leave in his scrubs,

and one or two hours later,

I had logged on
to see what was happening.

He would come back.

He'd go upstairs,

either lay down or play
video games or, you know,

just hang out in the bedroom
or in his office all day.

I'm looking at this camera
thinking,

"you jerk. [laughs]

you've been lying to me.

What's going on?"

so, I go home
and I confront him.

♪♪

I said, "what's going on?
You came home. How come?"

and he said, "oh, they canceled.

The woman had eaten something,
so they couldn't do surgery,

so they sent me home,"

which is legit.

Another time he said
he wasn't feeling well,

so they were able to get
somebody else to cover him.

His stories were so believable
to where he convinces you.

He would say,
"why would I lie to you?

What's there to lie about?"

he was very, very,
very convincing.

♪♪

♪♪

The first time I saw
all of his prescription pills,

I thought, "wow."

he had, I'm gonna say,
nine different bottles of pills,

and some were
prescription antibiotics.

He had pills for ms,
pills for adhd.

He had ambien and he had
a bunch of pain pills.

I thought that was quite odd
that someone had so many pills.

And so, I questioned him.
I asked,

"wow. How come so many?"

he had told me that he was
in iraq.

He worked for doctors
without borders,

and one of the things that
he did that he was telling me

is he had jumped out
of a helicopter

and he was helping save lives,

but he had lots of scars

from jumping out
of the helicopter.

I never saw him completely
out of it, except one time.

This time was a few months
into the relationship,

and I thought I would
surprise him by coming home

in the middle of the day.

Debra: [ voice echoing ]
john? Is everything alright?

And he was completely out of it,

and I realized he had probably
taken a bunch of pills that day.

But when I asked john about
him taking a bunch of pills,

he said, "no, I had the flu.

What makes you think that
I would take a bunch of pills?"

john would always turn around
if I questioned something.

"why would I lie
to you over this?

I love you," you know?

So, he had a way
of turning everything around

to where you walk away going,
"okay, wow.

Huh. Well, I'm sorry.

You know, I guess
I shouldn't have read into it."

it made me feel badly
that I was questioning him.

♪♪

Terra:
Jacqueline told me that john
uses mom's car all the time.

There's something about him.

We wanted to know
what john was up to.

So, jacqueline put a tracker on
the car that john was driving.

We found out that he was going
to doctor's offices

for short periods of time.

My theory on why john

is going to all these
different doctor offices

was I thought
that he could be a drug addict.

He's wearing scrubs and he
is pretending to be a doctor.

I knew he was not
who he said he was.

We confronted my mom
and she didn't quite know

what to do with
this information,

and she didn't know
how to dissect it,

whether or not
we were making it up,

because it was our word
against john's.

Debra:
When john and I got married,

we made vows,
and I take those very seriously.

I didn't want to feel like
I was failing again.

Sometimes,
you want to stick with it

and get through
the rough periods

and know that better days
are coming.

♪♪

♪♪

I was his next victim.

He's out of control and there's
nothing you can do about it.

♪♪

This photo is of my mom
and john.

Holding it right in front of me,

it makes me angry still
because I don't think

I was talking
to my mom at this time.

And he is wearing scrubs

and he is pretending
to be a doctor.

But now that I'm looking
at it so closely,

I've never seen any
of my doctors dressed like this.

I don't want this one anymore.

♪♪

♪♪

One day, jacqueline came home
and found john

was sitting there,
waiting for her to get home.

The following morning,
I got text messages from her

saying that she saw john and to
look out for a certain car.

This was the first time
that we had evidence

that john was stalking us.

I later found out that he was
stalking us quite frequently.

Jacqueline was very frantic
after she saw john,

and she had warned me
to carry pepper spray,

keep my pocket knife on me
that she knew I had

and to just be aware.

He was stalking us,

so we needed to prepare for
anything that was gonna come.

♪♪

I could see things
that my mother couldn't

because I was not in it.

She was the target

and I was the person
that he wanted to isolate.

But it was so frustrating.

My mom wouldn't believe me.
It was so hard.

She would believe john
and anything he said.

So, jacqueline had hired
a private investigator

and brought that information
to me.

♪♪

He seemed
sketchy from the start,

but this is insane.

It was scary.

I mean, look at
how many identities he's had.

John was using different
social security cards.

He had restraining orders
on him.

He's been in and out of jail
like a million times.

He had several arrests
on his record.

He had been to jail many times.

I-I can't believe how much dirt
there is on this guy.

He was a con man, essentially.

Having everything confirmed
was very scary.

I didn't want to be right.

But everything was confirmed.

And so, this is "game on" time.

"we ought to prepare."

we have to get
mom away from him.

♪♪

Debra: There was this one day,
I go out to get the mail,

and there was this letter
and it was addressed to john,

but it was from
the orange county jail,

and because I had my suspicions
at this point, I opened it.

It basically said, "it
sounds like you're doing great.

Sounds like you found
the one finally

and that life's really
turned around for you."

the way the guy worded it
made me realize

that john must have
been in jail with him.

And as I'm reading it,
right at that moment,

john grabs
the letter out of my hand.

The hell do you think
you're doing?

Said, "what are you reading?"

and I think he had been
watching me on the camera.

I think he knew he was caught.

Is that a letter from prison?
John, do you know that man?

What are you doing
snooping around in my mail?

And he says to me,

"it's one of the guys
that I send care packages to."

well, I just don't understand

why an inmate
would be writing to you.

He said, "I'm sending gift
packets to men in jail."

and he said, "you know,
a lot of people are in there

for the wrong reasons,
and I just care about people,

and I think this makes
the difference in their day."

what are you talking about?
Who is he?

I asked him, "were you in jail?"

and he looked at me and he said,

"I haven't spent
one day in jail.

What are you talking about?"

just 'cause we're married

doesn't mean
I have to answer to you,

and it definitely doesn't mean
you can go around

opening my mail!

And he said,
"you're committing a felony."

and I said,
"what are you talking about?"

I can have you arrested
for this.

He wouldn't answer my question.

And obviously, at that point,
I now know that

this is not the man
that I thought I married.

Stay out of my business, debra!

I'm realizing
that he's been lying to me,

but I didn't know
the extent of who john was.

It was definitely
a turning point,

and I needed to figure out
what I was going to do.

♪♪

At this point,
I thought I was his next victim

and he's out to get me.

♪♪

Debra:
There were times a few months
after the marriage

that some things started
happening that I noticed...

Getting the cameras,
the pills, the letter.

I realized that john had
a very suspicious side to him

at that point,

and yet I felt confronting him,

I'm not gonna get
a straight answer.

And so, as my suspicions grew,

I decided to walk into
john's office and look around

and see what was there.

I found different
social security cards,

just a lot of different names
other than just john meehan,

and in this trash can,

there were


I started reading
through them and realized

john was not who
he portrayed whatsoever.

What I read was shocking.

Extortion, stalking,
him having a g*n,

restraining orders, drug abuse.

There was one paper
in particular

that really caught my eye
and really scared me,

and it was showing evidence
of a prior conviction.

Of john being arrested
and what they found

in his place.

He had cyanide,

he had g*ns, he had knives,

he had zip ties, and I thought,

"cyanide. This is crazy.

What's he doing?
What's he up to?"

the other thing that really
scared me was I read document

after document of women that
he had strangled,

victims out there
that he was still harassing,

women that changed their names

'cause they're still
in fear of him.

And he had been in jail
three days before I met him.

He was so not the person
that I thought he was.

At this point,
I thought I was his next victim

and he's out to get me.

I knew I had to do something
to get out safely.

I hired a private investigator
to help me figure john out

and also how
to get away very safely.

I saw my kids in private

and would pretend like
I'm at work that day.

I, little by little, tried
to understand the mind

of a sociopath predator,

but john had the capability
of k*lling me.

So that's why I took preparation
for months.

You have to do it very carefully
and very slowly.

You can't do it overnight

or they're gonna figure it out.

With john,

I acted like nothing was wrong.
I never reacted.

I had to play his game and get
to a point of being safe myself.

♪♪

♪♪

So, I was moving money around,
I was changing my passwords,

and there was $30,000

that I had put in the bottom
of a lingerie drawer

that was cash for me running,

and somehow, john found it.

One day I came home
and john was standing there

and he had the cash in his hand,
and he showed it to me.

He said, "what is this?"

I had been busted.

John knew something was up.

He didn't know what was up,
but he knew something was up.

I knew that I had to get out,
and I rushed to leave.

He stands in front of me
and I'm inches away from him

and he's pushing at me,

and he kept saying,
"hit me. Hit me."

I realized at that point,

he had caught on.

He knew what was happening,

and I said,
"I'm not gonna hit you."

he says, "hit me because
you'll never get up again."

I said, "move aside.
I'm leaving you right now."

I felt like my life
was in danger

and all I could do
was hurry as fast as I can

to get out of there

so that he couldn't do
anything to me.

And I just sort of ran to my car

and took off as fast as I could.

♪♪

This picture I didn't see
until way after the fact.

I believe this is one
of the times he was arrested,

I'm gonna say in 2013,
when he went to jail.

It's amazing that I actually
thought I fell in love

with a man
that I thought was a good man,

and knowing that I was
in the same bed

with him night after night,

and knowing what he was
capable of, it's pretty crazy.

♪♪

♪♪

He was going to bury me
in the backyard.

He couldn't wait to strangle me.

"I will k*ll you and take
everything you've ever had."

♪♪

Debra: The final straw
was john had caught on.

He saw how much money
I had taken out of an account.

I think I had removed
a good $30,000 that day.

And he came to me and he said,
"what are you doing?"

and I said, "I'm leaving you."

and he said, "you can't
do this. We're married.

What kind of wife are you?"

john was extremely mad at me,
and he would send me

very, very threatening
text messages all the time.

"you think I'm going to allow
your family to continue?

Feel sorry all you want.
I don't care.

I have pictures and e-mails.

Don't test me."

and he would put
nude photos of me online,

and some were a lot worse
than this.

Some were that I will k*ll you

and take everything
you've ever had.

He was going to bury me
in the backyard.

He couldn't wait to strangle me.

When I started
getting these texts,

I was scared for my life,

and I went into hiding.

♪♪

I actually went to a store
and bought dark wigs,

changed my clothes.

I ended up staying in hotels.

I had to change
my whole routine.

I remember shaking
all the time, couldn't eat,

and I had no idea
what he was gonna do.

I was in hiding eight months.

[ phone buzzes ]

every time
I got a text from him,

my heart would just drop
and I would be in a panic.

There were thousands of threats

that I wouldn't see
the end of the day,

and "don't plan on
waking up tomorrow."

I mean, they went on
and on and on.

So, that's why I was
in constant fear.

I would change phones
and he would know

how to call work and say,

"I'm a client.
I need to get a hold of her.

I don't know how."

he would send me,
"boo. I found you.

You can never hide from me."

like, the next corner
you're gonna turn,

he's gonna be there
and k*ll you.

One of them was, "I hope
you went to church today

'cause I have a really bad
feeling about you."

I didn't want to even
leave my hotel room.

I was afraid to even
go down the hallway,

that he would grab me
or have somebody grab me.

You're in constant fear.
It's horrifying.

You don't know any way out.

Couldn't think about
anything else

except trying to figure out
where I'm gonna hide next.

I felt like it was
almost easier to die

than to keep living
in this nightmare.

This next one was pretty bad.

"no more being nice.

This will turn an entire family
inside out.

You're selfish to allow this.

You'll never forgive yourself
for what I'm about to do."

I had no idea what he was
gonna do,

but obviously, I felt like

he was definitely
capable of k*lling me.

♪♪

At the time,
I was working as a dog groomer.

[ dog barking ]
[ telephone rings ]

one day at work,
I get a phone call.

It's very chaotic in the back
because the dogs are barking

because they want to get fed.

And I take this call,
and it's this french guy.

The man said he had
seen me before

and he wanted to bring
his dogs in for grooming.

I thought it was weird
when a man called me

with a french accent,

but I was so preoccupied

and trying to get
these dogs fed,

and when you're getting
barked out for a meal,

you just want to get
the person off the phone

as soon as possible.

So, I give him my schedule
as quickly as possible

and we book an appointment
for the next day

during my lunch time

where the dogs could come in
and get groomed.

I didn't realize it was john.

He was trying
to get my schedule.

♪♪

The following day, the time came

where the dogs were supposed
to come in to get ground,

and they were a no show.

♪♪

♪♪

I went to work on August 20th

I got the okay from my boss
to get off a little bit early,

and I went home.

I noticed that there was a guy
fiddling with a tire iron.

[ dog whines, barks ]

my dog was barking at him

and I told my dog
to knock it off

because I thought
it was a homeless guy

just living in his car.

I proceeded to get my dog
out of the back seat.

[ dog barking ]

then this guy grabbed me.

I looked up at him, and he said,

"do you remember me?"

I did remember him. It was john.

He started what I thought
was punching me

and he was punching me
over and over again.

Help me!

I didn't realize I was stabbed.

I just tried to push him off me,

and I ended up on my back.

I ended up stumbling backwards.

And at this point,
I see the knife,

and I knew
he was there to k*ll me.

I kicked the knife,

and it fell directly
on my right hand side.

When it fell like that,
I felt...

Like it was from above,

like either my guardian angels
or god

or my guides looking after me.

It was just how it landed.

It was meant for me to survive.
I was meant to live.

So, I picked it up,

and I just started
wailing on him

and I didn't give it
a second thought.

I thought that I was
stabbing him in the chest.

I later found out I stabbed him
in the back.

I stabbed him once
in the forehead

and then I put it into his eye.

He gasped,

and he started
to fall on top of me.

I pushed him off me
and he just was

what I thought was dead.

And then I toss the knife
as far as I could away.

I scooted away from his body.

I continue to scream for help,
and then this lady walks up,

and she just started telling me
that she's emt trained

and that she's trained
for things like this.

Then at that point,
there was other people

started coming to a scene.

This guy came.
He went over john,

and he started to
check up on him

and make sure that he was okay.

I told them, like,
not to touch him,

but they wouldn't listen,

and I told them that he tried
to k*ll me,

and I think I kept repeating
that because they still

were trying to revive
the guy that tried to k*ll me.

I was hysterical
and I couldn't breathe,

and then I just realized,

"I need to call my mom."

so, I called my mom,

and I told my mom,
"I'm so sorry, mom.

I think I k*lled your husband.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

debra: Getting that call and
listening to terra...

It's so surreal.

You're hearing
your daughter call,

saying that she k*lled
your husband,

and you're like, "what?

What are you talking about?"

she said, "I k*lled john,
I k*lled john. I'm so sorry."

and I said, "it's okay.
It's okay.

Where are you? Are you okay?"

and all I remember
is just rushing to get there.

And you go through the guilt.
"why wasn't it me?

Why didn't he stab me?

She's gonna
have to live with this."

but I get there
and they won't let me go to her.

They said, "ma'am,
it's been a crime scene.

You have to stand behind
the yellow tape."

and terra's yelling, "mom, mom."

and I'm yelling, "terra, terra."

and I'm seeing this ambulance
drive by me,

and I'm realizing john's
in that ambulance.

But I don't really know
exactly what's happened,

if he's alive, dead.

I didn't know the story
at that point.

♪♪

I freaked out at that point
because in the movies,

the guy always gets up, and
that's when the girl dies.

- Please...
- Mom!

- Please...
- Mom!

♪♪

♪♪

This is a picture of cash and I
in the hospital.

I hate this photo so much

because I remember the moment
they were taking it

and I literally don't know
what to do.

Usually when someone takes
a photo of you,

you smile, you're happy,

and in this moment,

I felt like maybe
I should smile.

♪♪

And I remember holding my arm
and thinking,

"what's wrong with these people?

They're literally taking a photo

of blood gushing out of my arm

and not putting stitches on
or anything yet."

and they have to take this photo
for evidence.

This photo ends up everywhere.

I just wish it would disappear.

♪♪

♪♪

I'm sorry.

♪♪

♪♪

This is another hard one.

When I went to the hospital,

there was people that I didn't
know that were touching me

all over the place
and poking me with needles.

I just wanted my mom.

She's not here right now.

What? Where is she?

But they told me that she went

to the other hospital
to see her husband.

Get my mom in here now!

Please... mom!

Calm... calm down. Mom!

And that really hurt me

because just the way
they said it,

they didn't tell me that
she needed to identify him.

They made it seem like
she wanted to be with him.

And so, that was so hard
to hear that.

Please... mom!

Please... mom!

[ voice breaking ] and I just
wanted her to protect me.

That was the hardest part,

was knowing that this guy
came after me

and then she is supposed
to protect me and she can't.

♪♪

They won't let me go to her.

They said, "you need to identify
the body at the other hospital

'cause he's right now
a john doe."

he was on life support,
tubes everywhere.

They told me there were


but one had gone
through his eye to his brain

and that he had
had multiple strokes

and that he would be brain dead.

When I looked at his body,
I thought,

"what a waste of a human being."

he was brilliant.
He really could have had it all.

The guy just wasted his life.

♪♪

♪♪

This photo here is when
john was in the hospital.

I remember looking at
where the stab wounds were

and looking into his eye,

where the stab wound
went straight into his eye.

And all I could think of is,
"why?

Why would he do something
like this?" how evil he was.

And thank god it was him,
not my daughter.

I knew that there was
a lot of healing

that needed to take place,

a lot of answers
that I needed to figure out,

and it was all about terra
at this point.

♪♪

Oh, my god. Terra.

It's okay, mom. I'm alright.

The moment I got to see
my daughter,

I walked in there and just
hugged her and she cried

and I cried

and I was just grateful
she was alive.

I'm so sorry.

It's okay. It's not your fault.

Terra: When I saw my mom,
I just had mixed feelings.

I told her I knew
this would happen

because we warned her
so many times

and she was unable
to see the red flags.

I just never thought that
he would do something like this.

Mom, seriously,
it's not your fault.

But I was so grateful
that she was there

and that I was able to hug her

and that we're all alive.

Can we go home now?

Yes, baby.

Debra: It was very, very,
very difficult.

I had no idea
that he would go after her.

I just didn't get it.

Why not me?

♪♪

I decided I don't believe
anyone should die alone,

so when they pulled the plug,
I mumbled a few words to john.

"it's okay to go.
I forgive you."

after john died,

we went to the crematorium
to cremate john's body.

As I was watching the box
go into the fire.

I couldn't help but think

that he was gonna
be burning in hell,

and I filmed it

so that I could have closure.

I felt like terra...

If she had nightmares
about him coming back,

I wanted to prove to her
that he was completely gone

and he would never
come after her again.

She's never seen it,

but hopefully one day,
if she ever questions or feels

like john's here or whatever,
I can show her

that he's completely gone.

♪♪

Terra: I thought because
everybody else

wanted me to be okay,
that I should be okay,

but I wasn't,

and I had
a lot of ptsd to deal with

and I did blame my mom for what
happened to me after everything,

because she did bring
this guy into our life.

I just wanted my mom to notice

that there was red flags

and to know
that this guy was evil.

She may not have
done it on purpose,

but I wanted her to learn
why it happened to us.

Debra: I felt guilt right away.

A lot of guilt 'cause
I didn't protect her.

"why didn't you see
the signs earlier?"

I just felt so responsible.

But I have to keep
reminding myself

that john was the evil one

and I was the one
just looking for love.

Terra: I've told my mom
that I have forgiven her

and, you know,
things may not be perfect,

but we're working on it
every day,

but I still need to work
on feeling safe.

I still have some triggers
from my ptsd,

and I occasionally
have bad dreams

because of what I went through.

But it was a blessing
in disguise.

I found a life purpose now...

To talk and share my story

and help other women and men

that have been through
similar experiences.

I've gotten more
positive responses

than anything

and people that told me that
they've actually

left their ab*ser

or that they were able
to fight back with the attacker.

So, it's really important
to me to continue,

and that's why I do it.

Look out for red flags
in relationships

because they are there and a lot
of people brush them to the side

and it's time to take it serious

because you can see
what happened to me

and it could happen to you.

John meehan is an evil man

that preyed on innocent victims
and got a thrill from it.

I will never
understand everything.

I'll never understand
john's brain,

why he did what he did.

And that's something
I just have to accept.

There's evil out there,

and I just happen to be
the victim of this evil man.

And I survived, but a lot don't.