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04x20 - Long Beach Log Splitter

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Monster Garage". Aired: June 23, 2002 – June 12, 2006.*
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A team of five people with mechanical, fabricating, or modifying expertise was assembled to modify a vehicle into a "monster machine."

04x20 - Long Beach Log Splitter

Post by bunniefuu »

[creepy Twilight Zone-esque music]

- [Host] Attention, monster viewers.

[screaming]

You are now entering another dimension.

A dimension of wood in the house of steel.

[screaming with exertion]

- God damn!

- [whistling loudly] Add more metal!

- [Host] Side effects may include erratic speech patterns,

- Woob woob woob woob woob woob woob!

- [Host] Bad rhythm...

And acute dementia.

- My new car.

- [Host] Anything is possible in this dimension.

[reverberating] Dimension, dimension, dimension...

- [Host] Join us now as Jesse

and his g*ng of maverick mechanics rip, grind, and burn.

Transforming ordinary street vehicles

into monster machines in the Monster Garage.

- Yee haw!

[electrical zapping]

♪ Monster. Monster Garage.

♪ Monster. Monster Garage.

♪ Monster. Monster Garage.

♪ Monster. Monster Garage.

♪ Monster. Monster Garage.

[thunder and glass shattering]

♪ Monster Garage.

- [Host] This week's challenge:

Take this Zimmer from the streets of Long Beach

out into the woods and split some logs.

[wood cracking]

[tires screeching]

[horn honking]

The other challenge: Teach Jesse how to drive!

[laughter]

[cones thudding against and under car]

- Woops. [laughing]

- [Host] The rules:

The car must appear to be stock

and the team can spend no more than $5,000 for parts.

[cash register ringing]

Jesse and his fellow lumberjacks

have seven days and nights.

On the first day, they design.

For the next five, they build.

And on the seventh day, he rips some trees!

[crowd cheering]

If successful, the team walks away with a set of

Mac tools worth over 4 grand

and the clock starts now!

[chainsaw whirring]

[glass shattering]

[honking]

After discovering the joys of a pedal-operated car horn,

Jesse guides the majestic Zimmer into the garage.

[machinery clanging in background]

[door thudding shut]

Now the eager beaver design crew

is ready to chew on the details.

From Woodland Hills, California, comes Eddie Naheer.

He's here to direct the hydraulic action for the splitter.

From the green state of Vermont comes Tim Rogers

who cuts wood for log-splitting manufacturer Timberwolf.

Sam Vigliotti builds brand new Zimmers

for worldwide distribution out of his shop

in Syracuse, New York.

And sketching out the log-splitter to be

is T. John Mayer from the Art Center College of Design

in Pasadena, California.

- Jesse.

- How you doin', Sam?

- Nice to meetcha.

- What's up, man? Jesse.

- That cars a big pile of [chainsaw whirring]

[chuckling] man...

- [Sam] They were then, they are now.

- [Jesse] Yeah, I can't believe like...

How much do they sell those things for?

They're like 80 grand now for a new Zimmer.

- 100, 120, 130.

- [Jesse] Jeez!

- These new designs are a lot better.

We just shipped two of them to Saudi Arabia.

- [Jesse] Really?

- Yeah.

- Man. Something about it, I think, is totally lame,

but then it's right in the middle.

About 50% of it, like, makes me feel like

I'm the president of Long Beach.

- [laughter]

- [chuckling] I'm like...

- [Tim] Might as well be.

- It's unique.

- Yeah.

Well cool, let's make a log-splitter out of this thing.

Explain a log-splitter.

All a log-splitter is is a hydraulic ram...

- That's right.

- That pushes a log onto a wedge.

[dramatic sting]

[wood cracking while machinery whirs]

That's all it is.

So I think we should take it

and make it super ultra-complicated.

I want the car to actually split logs.

- [Sam] Right.

- I think if the whole car like split in half and opened up,

like if we made the frame slide on tracks

and then if the whole car squished together

and split the log.

- That would be awesome.

- You know? 'Cause if we do it any other way than that,

everybody's going to say we're [cat meowing].

- [Sam] Right.

- [Tim chuckling]

- And we did it the easy way.

- Right.

- Well, I think that's most of our engineering.

I mean, splitting the car in half, reinforcing it,

you know, making the whole mechanism,

finding hydraulic rams that are big enough to pull the car

back and forth together

which shouldn't be too hard.

- No.

- The only problem I see...

- [Sam] The drive shaft.

- with this whole thing is drive shaft.

- All wheel drive.

- [Jesse] You know? [chuckles]

This is totally dumb.

But I like it, though.

- [Tim] That's what makes it great.

- This is way better than us trying to be all brainiac.

Say goodbye to a Zimmer.

[electric guitar sting]

- [Host] This week, precise fabrication

is the key to success.

First, split the car in half.

Mount two super hydraulic cylinders

and a cutting wedge inside the car.

Underneath, a sliding sub frame needs to

keep the car in one piece when it's fully open.

Add a log, the hydraulic rams close the car, and voila!

It's a log-splitting Zimmer.

[marker squeaking]

[saw revving]

[log crunching]

[tires squealing]

[saw whirring]

- [Host] Day two.

The team rolls in ready to turn a pimped-out ride

into sawdust.

[power tools whirring]

Shovelhead Willy Wilson coming in from South Florida.

Motorcycles and metal fabrication are his specialty.

[power tools whirring]

Super mechanic Paul Hall from Marino Valley, California

is in the garage for engine expertise.

[power tools whirring]

and all the designers stick around for the build!

Eddie on hydraulics.

- [roaring aggressively]

- [Host] Sam knows Zimmers and metal fab

and Tim's here to make sure

the garage keeps safe forestry tactics on the build.

[chainsaw whirring]

[powerful electric guitar music]

- Hey.

- Hi Jesse. Eddie.

- What's up man?

- I'm Paul.

- Jesse.

- It's already been figured out [chuckling]

- Jesse, I'm Willy.

- How you doin', Willy?

Yeah, I don't think it'll be that tough.

But I think just, you know, cutting this thing in half

and then support it, you know,

and figure out how to make the frame and everything slide

and all that stuff.

And then all the stuff,

like the log splitter stuff, that's...

- [Eddie] That's gonna be nothing, I mean...

- [Sam] That's the easy part.

- It's a wedge.

- [Sam] That's Tim's job.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- [Sam] Tim'll be workin' on that.

- Yeah. I'll be gettin' the wedge and the cylinder...

- [Jesse] Okay.

- To split and do a-

- [Jesse] I'll work on orderin' some custom wheels.

[group laughing]

- [Sam] The hard part.

- [Eddie] He said "I'll call dibs" [laughing]

- I think that's about it.

This thing needs a good tune-up, too.

- They need a tune up [overlapping chatter]

- They need a tune up. Disconnect seven of the cylinders!

- They needed a tune up when they were new!

- [Host] The builders treat this luxury lady

like she's never been treated before.

Ripping out the guts to make way

for some log-splitting action!

[power tool whirring]

[pieces of car snapping]

[thud]

The Zimmer expert is having trouble

popping the 20 year old trunk.

- [chuckling] That's [power tool noise] up.

- How about a lead light? You got a lead light?

- [Host] But Paul has the right touch.

[car dinging]

[button clicking]

[group giggling]

- Wow! There you go!

- That was good!

- Where the hell was that button?

- Eh, it's on the glove compartment!

[funky music]

- Whoa, are these like wing things?

I've gotta put those back on.

[chuckling] Yeah. You need to put those back on, man.

- [Host] Fancy windshields aren't the only oddities

this team is uncovering.

- It's a wine glass. The old Zimmer wineglasses.

Champagne glass.

It's just a little trinket they mount inside the car.

Just a... exotic thing.

- [Host] Exotic inside, but not so exotic underneath.

- This looks like a hard point for us

that we're going to connect the sliding rail.

One here, one here, and there's in the front over there.

This is going to be where the split goes together

and we're going to brace it to any point that we can

because we're going to put a lot of force on the car

when we are retracting it.

[expl*si*n]

- [Host] Eddie Naheer is not only a hydraulics guru,

he's a self-taught, self-sponsored racing champion.

- The reason I came to the United States

is because of racing.

I was really passionate about it from a very young age.

I don't know where I got it. It's not in the family.

It's certainly not in the country.

- [Host] Eddie's grabbed several checkered flags

including this race from the 2001 Boss Indy Car Series.

[crowd cheering]

But he didn't do it on his own.

I came to the United States in 1988. I was broke.

But we built something.

I mean, it's not much, but it's a good life.

And the reason is 'cause I got a good wife.

[electric guitar thrumming]

I love my wife. She's everything.

If it's too weak,

we can have it put the log in and press it back

and we have a one piece log and two piece car

[laughing] and that's not what we really want.

- [Host] To make room for the sliding rails,

the tear out continues with fire and flame.

[electric guitar playing]

[metal clangs on floor]

- [Sam] Careful.

No, we can't throw that.

- [Jesse] Oh yes.

- [Sam] Jesse won't be able to drive it.

Know where to cut it.

- [Host] With space cleared, Sam gives Jesse the lowdown.

- Then we're gonna burn and cut this here.

This is where the half point's gonna be.

We're gonna give eight foot of travel inside here

and then we'll have it welded on back here.

So we got eight foot in here.

So we can open it three, four feet.

- [Jesse] Okay.

- [Sam] With no problem.

- That should be cool. This is kinda nice that it's strong.

- [Sam] Yeah.

- I didn't think it would be that nice.

- [Host] Forging ahead, the team test fits a rail.

- [Paul] You got it?

- We're gonna get this all pre-sized

so we know what we need to cut when the steel gets here.

So we're ahead of schedule.

[expl*si*n]

- [Host] You won't believe where

these classy cars get built.

In Sam's small shop outside Syracuse, New York.

- If they're done right, the detail's right,

the cars are stunning.

- [Host] Even more astounding is how they're built.

- We take a brand new Lincoln town car.

We pull the body, we pull the motor.

We stretch the frame three feet.

Then we put the body back on

and then we put the Zimmer front and the Zimmer back on.

[cash register ringing]

- [Host] $100,000 cars, $200 commercials.

- [Advertiser] You don't get new teeth

just because they're crooked!

You get them straightened.

And you don't get a new car

just because the frame may be bent.

- At Sam's, we'll return your car's frame

to its exact factory specifications.

We're as expert at straightening car frames

as your orthodontist is at straightening teeth.

We guarantee it!

You got it?

Okay.

- [Tim] There you go.

- That's perfect.

- [Tim] There you go.

- [Host] The plan is for two rails

to find a home underneath,

but Sam gets an idea to add

a third sliding support inside

under the car's ceiling

and one builder doesn't feel it's necessary.

- He wants to put the bottom rails in tomorrow

and then cut the car and he don't think it's gonna buckle.

And me and Sam kinda think that we'd rather

put the top rails in too

and tie 'em together just to make sure it don't buckle.

- Willy and I are saying do the bottom and the top. Okay?

- Mm-hmm.

- He wants to just do the bottom and cut it.

- Yep.

- I said do the bottom and top, tie it in.

Our strength is there.

Why take a chance? You know.

The car needs to be...

You don't want a chance havin' the car bend

or having to support the car to weld the thing together.

You're just going to lose a lot of time

if you have to do it that way.

- By my calculations, the mathematics,

the two bars in the bottom is enough for the car.

It's enough for the whole car.

You can drive it from here to Vegas

and nothing will happen.

- I'm not saying you're wrong. You're probably right.

- I did all the mathematics.

- We're just thinkin' that

we'd rather have a top one in too.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- I am experienced at, you know,

stretching cars, building Zimmers,

and I know how the job needs to be done.

It's better if we can get as far as we can

with the lower and the upper.

- But it's the alignment.

- Let's see what happens tomorrow. All right?

- [Eddie] I don't think it will buckle.

- It's gonna buckle.

[echoing] We guarantee it!

- No, it better if it's...

- [Sam] All right, you stick to the bearings

and the hydraulics.

I'll stick to the body of the car.

- [Host] At the end of their first day,

the team is like a tree struck by lightning.

Split in two and still smoldering.

Monster Garage factoid.

[playful trumpet music]

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck

if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

None. They eat plants.

♪ Monster. Monster Garage.

[chainsaw whirring]

- [Host] Day three in the garage begins

with continued disagreement about structural support.

- The car will sag if we don't build the same...

- [Paul] Right in the middle.

- At the top as we do at the bottom.

- Yesterday night, I was calculating the force

on the beams that we're making on the bottom.

They can hold the car.

- No.

- I mean, the car will flex,

but flexing is absolutely normal.

- Yeah, this is a unibody car, though.

The top will come in if it's not supported.

- I know, but...

- I think we better figure out what we need for our rail

so we can get that going

because that's going to hold us up.

- Yes. Yes, let's do that. But let's have a goal of today.

Let's try to accomplish a goal today

that the rails are in the car.

- [Host] Whether or not top rails are necessary,

the bottom ones need to be built.

[funky music playing]

[metal clanging]

- I'd say 13 feet.

- [Eddie] 13 feet? Okay.

- [Host] The team plans to use two by four steel

with varying wall thicknesses

to slide inside each other with the help of bearings.

- I'm using the plasma cutter

to cut the openings for the bearings.

The bearings are gonna mount here

and they're gonna protrude inside

so the inner slide will contact 'em.

These are gonna really be the main frame rails now.

[expl*si*n]

- [Host] When Willy's not in a bar at 10 AM,

he's hittin' the road with hot babes in the Florida sun.

[wolf whistling]

- That's my main transportation is my motorcycle.

It's a '83 Harley Davidson FLHT

and I really enjoy ridin' that.

In fact, I'm missin' right now, ridin'.

- [Interviewer] Oh yeah.

- [Host] In his more clean cut days,

Willy was building his own T-bucket hot rod.

Today, Willy's restoring a race car

that he's had sitting around since high school.

- It's pretty broken down now.

It's an altered.

I'm gonna restore it, rebuild it,

upgrade it to modern safety,

and run like nostalgia races and things like that.

That's my dream now.

[tools hissing]

- [Host] Paul's working on an expanded electrical design

for a car that can stretch.

- So we're gonna stretch the wiring harness four feet.

That should give us plenty of room

for the wiring harness to rotate with the back of the car.

We'll be set to cut it

and when we get ready to cut it,

we can just roll it back.

- [Host] A couple guys working

and one showing off brute strength.

- This is TW6. 18 horsepower. 28 ton.

It'll split the thing just about any way you want it to.

[excited music]

[log cracking]

[machinery whirring]

[wood clattering]

- That's power right there.

[expl*si*n]

- Anything that can destroy something else is awesome.

- [Host] Tim the Ripper found a perfect home

as parts manager for log-splitting company Timberwolf.

[saw revving]

- I like the fact that we can build it

and I take a real good amount of pride in the fact

that we build a good product.

[car speeding]

- [Host] He likes his splitters so much

he's showing them off in the garage.

[metal cracking]

- Give it!

The power of hydraulics in action.

- Woo!

[hydraulics whirring]

[metal creaking]

[furniture thunking]

- [Host] Seeing a splitter in action

lights a fire under Eddie.

He starts to plan how to mount

the splitting wedge inside the car.

- [Sam] Why don't we go with three quarter plate?

- [Eddie] What?

- [Sam] Or no, we don't need three quarter.

- [Eddie] We should only need...

- [Sam] Half, a half inch. Okay.

- [Eddie] We only go a half inch

because we have supports like this.

We're going to weld all around supports.

- [Sam] Yeah.

- You see how thick it is over there?

- Yeah.

- That beam is a half inch.

- [Host] Seconds after Jesse rolls in...

- Yeah, we took care of your chair for ya, by the way.

- I saw that.

- [Host] He's asked to put the ax

to half-inch steel plate supports.

- I think quarter would suffice, but Eddie says no.

- [Eddie] What if bigger than half inch?

- What would we do with a 4 by 8 sheet

of half inch steel waste?

- [Eddie] I told them.

- It's like a thousand pounds.

Are we stealing all the [metal clanging] off of this?

- Sure. That's a freebie. This is the power pack.

- Why don't we just use this then?

- I can't get the frame apart.

- Why?

- 'Cause my bosses said I couldn't.

That's the only thing I can't do.

I can take anything off that I want but.

- Hey, it's in the shop. It's fair game.

- [Tim] [chuckles in disbelief]

- It's ours now.

- [Host] Jesse wants to forget the two hydraulic setup.

So the team will raid the splitter of its massive cylinder

using the I-beam to support the upper part of the car

instead of Sam's third beam.

Then they'll take the motor and hydraulic fluid reservoir

and toss 'em in the trunk.

[wood clattering]

But one builder doesn't agree. Again.

- This is the number for one cylinder or two cylinders.

The only different -

This cylinder itself developed 49,000 pounds of force

with 2500 PSI.

Not to subtract friction losses.

[distorted] friction losses.

The two cylinders under the track side

will only deliver 63,000 pounds.

[overlapping electronic voices]

- I don't know what the [metal crashing]

you're talkin' about.

- Okay. Let's start from A.

It's area time pressures. That's what it is. Now...

- I got a F in math.

What could be worse?

- Show it to me.

Where you mount the cylinder?

How you are going to?

- [Jesse] I don't [metal clanging] know!

We'll just start cuttin' metal

instead of trying to figure it out on paper

and do all this mathematical [metal crashing]

which doesn't mean anything

because this has never been done before.

Let's just put it in there and do it.

[overlapping voices]

- [Eddie] Of trial and error.

- [Jesse] And you have engineering training?

- [Eddie] Yeah.

- There's your problem right there.

[group laughing]

- Nope. Well, whatever you say. You are the boss.

- [Host] And the hydraulic master from Israel

isn't giving up without a fight.

I cannot visualize how the cylinder

will go backward up in the car.

I can't. I'm sorry.

- I can visualize your idea like midnight on Friday night

when we go with your idea and then

it gets all [glass shattering] up

and then everybody in the end blames you

'cause it didn't get finished because it was-

- Yeah, well, well, I was ready to take the blame.

- 'cause it was making it like 100 times more complicated

than it needed to be.

Maybe you should walk around and talk some more.

Then it'll help get it done.

You could visualize.

- It doesn't matter.

If you know how it going to work, we just do the labor.

- Yeah. We don't need your help.

You can just go home.

[upbeat drum and flute music]

- If it doesn't work, please don't blame me.

- [Cameraman] They won't.

- [chuckles]

- Last time I checked, there's no forests in Israel.

[laughing] It's a [metal clanging] desert.

How's that guy gonna know how to split logs? [laughing]

- [Host] Enough chit-chat.

The team gets back to work by taking apart

the Glee Good splitter and ripping it apart.

[sparks hissing]

[metal clanging]

- [Sam] Woo!

- [Jesse] We're free.

- [Host] While Willy gets aid

from Eddie's engineering skills.

- Perfect!

This is really the most important part of the whole car.

[machinery whirring]

[sparks hissing]

[electric guitar thrumming]

- [straining with effort] Plus you ain't

got no tires up here.

So we gotta go up. We gotta come up.

- Nah, this is very way too high here.

- That looks like [power tool buzzing].

I'm just kiddin'. [laughing]

- I just want to see how close we are back here.

See, we're off two inches.

You wanna cut two cross-members?

[sparks hissing]

[machinery whirring in background]

- Now we're trying to square the bottom two rails,

the sliding rails.

So everything's square so it slides evenly.

So it doesn't get bound up or anything.

We're just gonna tack it in place.

[sparks hissing]

[hammering metal]

Just move it back an eighth of an inch, guys.

Hold it! Right here. That's good. Got it?

[sparks hissing]

We're lookin' good.

Fantastic.

- [Host] It moves!

But Jesse sees a weakness.

- How much flex is in it though?

That's...

Just these rails even if it didn't slide,

this car'll make these flex.

You know, they're not too strong.

[sparks hissing]

- [Host] To solve the flex issue,

Jesse welds tubing from the sliding rails

to the back of the Zimmer.

[sparks hissing]

[chains clanking]

While Eddie works on the drive shaft by calling in a pro.

We want to extend the car between 24 inch to 36 inches.

- Okay.

- So the dry shaft is to be telescopic.

- Okay.

- And we need to figure out how to bolt this one

straight to the gear bolt, to the framing,

so that when we extend the car

it won't just spill on the ground.

- Right.

So what we'll need to do is,

since you don't have a fixed choke style trans,

is I'll knock the plug out of here.

- Right.

- You'll put it up into the car and then re-weld it.

- [Eddie] Mm-hmm.

- It's solid to the transmission.

- [Host] Dry shafts don't normally get welded in place,

but it'll be necessary for a car that opens up.

The day comes to a close

and the team's axing through their to-do list.

- We've got the car set up to be cut tomorrow morning.

[rock music playing]

So we got the under-rails in.

All welded in the front and rear.

She's ready to slide.

All we gotta do is cut it.

- Me and Jesse had today a little bit marriage problems.

[group laughing]

But to the end of the day, we have to...

- [Sam] Somebody had to set you straight!

- We had to resolve it.

- Yeah, quiet.

- Somebody had to set you straight!

- Well... He's the boss, but we are straight out now, yeah.

- [Host] The tree-cutters to be leave the garage.

Tomorrow, their plan is to marry Zimmer to splitter.

[rock music playing]

[lights powering down]

Monster Garage factoid.

Last year, 900 million trees were split to become paper.

The same year, 1.2 million marriages

ended up in splitsville.

- Ooh, I hate you!

♪ Monster. Monster Garage.

[chainsaw whirring]

- [Host] It's day four

and the plan is to install the I-beam.

But one builder is hot to chop.

[chainsaw revving]

- Come on guys. Let's chop it in half!

[reverberating yell]

- Okay, first line of order.

Should we work on gettin' this beam in there? You think?

So we can figure out how we're gonna brace it up

and all that good stuff?

[sparks hissing]

We're strippin' that beam down to the bare naked bones.

- [Host] After removing the hydraulic ram for later use,

Eddie swings his flaming ax like a modern day Paul Bunyan.

[metal clanging]

[blowtorch hissing]

Eddie torches, so Sam prepares the Zimmer

for its 300 pound guest.

- Game plan is we're gonna get some inner reinforcements

built into the floor.

So we're gonna be able to support the I-beam

that's gonna actually have the car split in half.

Let me weld.

- [Eddie] It's good.

- Yeah.

[sparks hissing]

[saw whirring]

[sparks hissing]

- [Host] With reinforcements welded inside the Zimmer

to support an imposing I-beam,

the two are ready to meet.

- Beam me up, baby.

[grunting and exclaiming in exertion]

- [Sam] 10 men and a baby.

- [Eddie] All right. Ee-ah-ooh-ah. Ee-ah-ooh-ah.

Wow, that's pretty high.

- [Sam] Huh?

[grunting in exertion]

- [Sam] Okay, you want to turn it over?

Flip it this way. Yep. This way. Yep.

- [Eddie] Okay. Okay. Okay.

- Pick it up on this side.

All right. Hold it, hold it.

- [Sam] Ease it back.

- [Eddie] Okay. Okay.

- [Sam] [shouting with effort] God damn.

- [Jesse] Whoa.

- [Eddie] Okay. Okay!

- [Sam] Put it down. Set it down. Set it down.

- [Eddie] Okay, it's fine.

- Tip it up.

[grunting with effort]

Okay. There we go.

Woo, baby!

- [Eddie] Wow, yeah.

- We gotta plasma cut that center outta there, yep.

[sparks hissing]

- [Paul] Right there. Let me get a level.

- There's a level on the back side.

- [Sam] Wait, hold it there for a minute.

- We're perfect right there.

- [Host] With the beam in place,

they squeeze in the 24-inch stroke hydraulic cylinder.

Jesse's here to check out the Zimmer's new splitter core.

- This has got a lot of [chainsaw revving] to support.

- Well, no kidding.

- We should put some heavy steel plate in here.

- Like half inch?

- [chuckles]

[group laughs]

[sparks hissing]

- [Host] With the system inside,

weight is already an issue.

- So what's gonna happen is the car's going to go out fine.

As soon as it goes out, it's gonna want to do this.

'Cause of all the weight.

[sparks hissing]

[rock music playing]

- I'm good at that.

- Hm?

- I'm good at that crap.

- See that. I know.

- [Host] The ever-humble Jesse James

helps support the I-beam with a few pieces of bent tubing.

[sparks hissing]

[chains clanging]

- This is the I-beam and this is the front of the car.

We're only grabbin' like that much of it.

And that I-beam alone probably weighs 300, 400 pounds.

The weight of it's gonna push itself down

and it's gonna smash all this [metal tinkling] forward.

[sparks hissing]

[rock music continues]

- I'm tryna do it a little bit smart

where it's tubing and taking the stress and gusseting.

They're doin' it the hillbilly method.

Stack steel on top of steel on top of steel.

That'll fix 'er.

[laughing]

[fake Southern accent] While I let this cool down,

lemme play a little song on my banjo.

[mimics banjo music]

- [Host] Hillbilly steel and Northwest wood.

[chainsaw whirring]

Bob King from Edgewood, Washington

is in the junk yard whittling with power.

[chainsaw whirring]

While Zimmers appear from solid pine,

Cherrie Currie is carving a monster paperweight

for the producers of Monster Garage.

[dramatic sting]

Back in the garage, Paul is working on concealing

the hydraulic ram's motor.

- The motor's gonna sit down in here.

So we're gonna put a plate on the driver's side

so the motor can sit down there.

[funky music playing]

- Now this is what I wanna do.

Set the engine, mark out the square, and mark the holes

if we have to move the holes for the engine model.

[expl*si*n]

- [Host] Plain and simple.

Paul Hall works on cars.

- I'm a mechanic. I work in my own workshop.

I got my own hours and I'm out there every day.

[camera flashing]

- [Host] Paul rebuilds bikes, bugs, and trucks.

But his weakness is a beat up station wagon.

- They look ugly and people don't want them

and then when you fix them up

and give it a two-tone paint job

and make it sit right and put the right wheels on it,

then they're awing.

Couldn't believe it's the same vehicle.

[dramatic sting]

[chill music transitioning into rock]

- [Host] The team muscles the splitter's motor

into the truck

so Paul can mark its support plate.

[rock music continues]

[grunting with effort]

[chains clanging]

[saw buzzing]

[metal sliding]

- There we go.

There you go. Okay. There you go.

- [Host] The motor's in place,

but may not hold when rollin' through the woods.

- We'll get some tubin' and we'll slide it through here

and then it'll be double-walled tubin'

and then you won't have to worry about

your eighth-inch thickness.

- That's a good idea.

- If you can push a solid piece,

I'll be real happy.

- Push what?

- Solid.

- [imitating accent] Solid.

- Solid.

- Yeah.

- That means the muscle.

We gotta push it in.

- [laughing]

- Blargh!

- Did that work?

- Is my accent as bad as yours?

[laughing]

- [Eddie] So if it's opening on the side a little bit,

that's okay.

- Hey, if your mouths were welders, we'd be done by now.

- [laughing]

- You mean his mouth!

- Yeah. Yeah.

[mimics nonstop noise]

- Yeah. Yeah, I have this problem from a very young age.

- [Host] It's the end of day four

and the I-beam, hydraulic ram, and motor

are in position.

But these logs aren't split yet!

- Where's my log at?

- [Host] And neither is the car.

[lights powering down]

[rock music playing]

It's day five and with only two build days left,

it's time for the hard-hitting question.

- [Cameraman] Are you guys still interested

in maybe possibly splitting the car?

- [groans] We all forgot about that.

- We're supposed to cut it, right?

- [giggles nervously]

- [Host] Yesterday, they welded in some steel

and today, more of the same.

[saw whirring]

[rock music continues]

[power tools whining in background]

Tim helps Sam reinforce the beam

then moves on to make lines for the hydraulic oil.

[press whining]

[rock music continues]

- We're gonna take and run the hoses.

We're gonna run hoses from the valve

over to the cylinder.

- [Host] A car that extends requires longer hoses

and longer hoses require a bigger fluid tank.

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This used to be the fuel tank

for this original log splitting machine.

We're going to use this as an oil tank.

We could use the small tank, the fuel tank, as the oil tank.

- That's cool. That's way better.

[saw whirring]

- [Host] Creativity on the build!

The team uses the splitter's docked gas tank

as the hydraulic oil tank.

- That needs to go up.

- [Jesse] Like this?

- Like that, yeah.

- Okay.

- This gives an extra gallon.

- Okay.

- [Host] And as a precaution,

Jesse adds an additional reservoir.

[sparks hissing]

Last order of business: Check for leaks.

- [Tim] Lookin' for a bubble.

- [Jesse] Got anything wet?

- No.

[water sloshing]

[pressurized air hissing]

- I think we're good!

- Does it fit, you know? I want to see it now.

- [Tim] We just pressurized the tank

and put soapy water everywhere.

- I saw you pressurize it.

So you put air in here and you left all this all open.

How are you going to pressurize on the car?

- [Tim] How about you hold your hand there

and I'll pressurize it again and I'll show you?

- No, no, no.

No, no. I don't want to pressurize the cold air.

- [Host] Eddie finds some holes in Tim's story.

[machinery whirring loudly in background]

- Try it? Water coming out. Try it? Water coming out.

[pressurized air hissing]

- [Host] He recruits Willy to fix the leaks.

[sparks hissing]

- That's right.

You're close.

- Okay, it's in.

[metal clanging]

[sighing in relief]

[power tool whirring]

- [Host] A modified gas tank

and now a place for the controls.

[metal clangs]

- It's really cool.

- We're gettin' tight,

so hopefully you guys got your hydraulics under control.

- Don't worry about the hydraulics.

- Okay.

- [Host] In the midst of progress,

the team takes a moment to stop and smell the sawdust.

Cal Poly's very own logging team

demonstrates a lumberjack's way of life

and it's no picnic.

- In my opinion, I've played many sports throughout my life,

you know, you name it, I've played it

and I think this is probably the hardest, yeah.

- [Host] And when in the woods, do as the loggers do.

[thud of impact]

- Move.

- [Jesse] Come on, Eddie.

[wood clattering]

[groans of disappointment]

[whooshing air]

[thud]

[wood clattering]

[wood clattering]

[excited shout]

[chuckling]

[thunk]

[clattering on floor]

[whooshing through air]

[thud]

[exclamations and clapping]

[laughing]

- [Host] Back inside, the Zimmer's put on a few pounds.

[sparks hissing]

[rock music playing]

- Boy, that's a lot of reinforcement.

- This hoop here.

[metal clanging]

This structure here.

[metal clanging]

And it's connected at the top

and it's welded into this.

[intense sting]

- [Host] As the day nears an end,

Jesse likes what he sees on the outside.

- It looks totally stock on the outside.

That's what's good.

- [Tim] I know.

- We gotta take our time cuttin' it.

- [Host] But not the inside.

- Don't weld without a mask anymore

because every time you do a weld without a mask,

you're doin' a [distorted noise] weld.

So take your time and do it really nice.

Especially the stuff you're burnin'

onto here and onto these.

- I'm getting his temper.

- And get it really clean.

You'll see you don't get any kind of teetering.

Do some gussets in here.

You know, just triangles.

- [Host] Tomorrow, the team needs to

finish reinforcing the I-beam

and then split the car in half

all on their final day.

- I'll be very embarrassed to see myself on TV.

And my family and my friends, my customers, to fail.

[calm rock music plays]

- [Host] With only one day left,

this is the only Zimmer that's been cut with a blade.

- [Host] Only a day left and the log-splittin' Zimmer

ain't cut in half.

- This thing looks like [scream]. [laughs]

- [Host] This team may just go "Timber!"

- Whatever. I don't care. Do it your way. Whatever.

♪ Monster. Monster Garage.

- [Host] It's the final build day

and Eddie has some words of encouragement for the team.

- If we don't split it by 2...

We're going to be in [metal clanging] creek.

[group laughing]

[sparks hissing]

- [Host] The builders act on Jesse's constructive criticism

from yesterday

and reinforce the frame the right way.

[sparks hissing]

[motor revving]

The master motivator shows up

to dish out some positive feedback.

- This thing looks like [power tool whirring]. [laughing]

- It's an ugly [power tool whirring].

- It is ugly.

- It's an ugly piece of [metal clanging].

- [Jesse] It's definitely a monster.

- [Eddie] Yeah, it's a monster. You can say that.

[chuckles]

- I wonder how many pieces.

'Cause you could actually make it out of one.

- Yeah.

- Two, three, four. Probably six pieces.

- Yep.

- One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,

nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen,

sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen...

Twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine.

[sparks hissing]

Thirty!

Thirty-six, thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine.

Forty, forty-one, forty-two...

Fifty-five. Fifty-six.

- [Willy] It's welded together! It's all one piece!

- You coulda did it out of six

and you have fifty seven pieces that I can just see.

- [Willy] I'll take the blame.

- [Jesse] Sam works for Zimmer.

- [Eddie] There's more still here

than those other ones combined.

[loud whistle]

- Add more metal! [chuckles] Look at that.

- Tell me, things like this will ever leave your shop?

- I'd [glass shattering] fire his a*s in my shop.

He'd be... I'd walk...

He'd be done.

- You'd fire him much quicker than you'd fire me.

- Mm-hmm.

- [Host] With 57 good reasons to back them,

this team is ready for the C-word.

- Cut! We're going to cut.

- [Host] Not so fast, Sir Saws-a-Lot.

[chainsaw whirring]

Jesse wants the team to witness how real men slice it up.

[chainsaw motor revving]

Dennis Cahoon of Oroville Saw and Motor

brought his homemade 500cc motorcycle engine,

Hot Saw.

[chainsaw whirring]

[wood thumping]

- [laughing]

[exclamations from group]

- You all right?

[chainsaw whirring]

[wood thudding]

- [Host] With some inspiration,

the team gets back to business.

[film distorting]

- Cut. We're going to cut.

- I put some jack stands on there just in case.

[laughing]

- No, no way.

- Here we go!

[saw whirring]

[sparks hissing]

[heavy rock music playing]

[drills thudding against car]

- Woo!

[sparks hissing]

[saws whirring]

- Woo!

Snap, crackle, pop, baby.

Did you hear that?

Did you hear that pop? That thud?

We're broken, baby. Golden.

Not even two o'clock yet.

- [Eddie] The car is split.

We still have one car, even so we split it.

That's a good sign.

Now we're cleaning everything.

We're going to raise the all else.

We're going to put the fuel lines.

- [Host] But Tim's got a different agenda.

- Before any of that happens,

I'll get my little portable fuel tank going on

and let's run this thing out and back

and make sure we ain't got no problems.

- We need to clean everything.

- Well, I understand that,

but let's just run it out and backwards

just to see if we have any issues.

Then we can get started on those if we have 'em.

- We must finish the brakes and the fuel lines.

- [Tim] We can do that after!

- Because if we have a problem,

we'll never come back to that.

I know you're anxious. Let's wait for a minute.

Let's do it smart now. Now it's time for to be smart.

- Whatever. I don't care. Do it your way. Whatever.

- Yeah. We're going to do it my way.

- Yeah, we are going to do it your way.

- [Eddie] I know.

- Fine. You know... [sighs]

He wants to get the brakes and the fuel lines

hooked up first.

I figured we'd do it right now,

that way we can get it fixed and get it ready.

You know?

- We want to finish all the small details

because if we have a big problem,

we're going to concentrate on the big problem

and we're going to forget about the small details.

- Whatever. Just go with the flow.

We'll get it fixed and well, if we have any problems,

we'll have to make do.

[rock music playing]

- [Host] Eddie's leadership skills are sawing at Tim.

[chainsaw whirring]

So he vents his frustration

by chopping a custom seat for the Zimmer.

- It's a beauty.

- [Tim] [laughing]

Might have some splinter in his butt, but...

[wood thunking]

- [Paul] Oh my god.

- [laughing] Look at that.

- That's cool.

- Yo!

- [Host] Garage manager Ben Wood

has just what this build needs.

A retractable drive shaft.

[machinery hissing in background]

[rock music playing]

- It's a fine piece of work.

- [Host] This unique drive shaft

requires a unique way to attach to the car.

[laughing]

- Since you don't have a fixed choke style trans,

it'll just slide. I'll knock the plug out of here.

- Right.

- You'll put it up into the car and then re-weld this.

- Mm-hmm.

- Solid to the transmission.

- [Host] And none of these guys know how to tig weld

five inches deep inside a tube.

- [Willy] Weld the yield to what?

- To here. To the upward shaft on the gear box.

- Have you done that before, Willy?

- I never had a cagin' that need to.

- [Sam] You never stretched a Zimmer before.

- Yeah, I never stretched nothin' before.

[machinery hissing]

- This is very tricky stuff

'cause it's full of oil too and it's...

This is a very tricky part.

It's a big issue.

- Yeah, I realize it's a big issue

to be doin' friggin' at almost three o' clock.

- You know what? We couldn't have done nothing.

We didn't have a drive shaft.

- [Host] Relax, boys. Eddie's got someone in mind.

This is one of the best one that I ever saw.

He can do it.

- [Host] The master fabricator is called in

to solve the problem.

- Ah, I could weld that easy.

Could we cut a hole above this?

Oh wait, there's 57 pieces of metal above there.

[machinery hissing]

- [Host] With surgical focus, Jesse tig welds

nearly five inches inside the yoke's tube.

With no visibility, it's all instinct.

- It ain't goin' nowhere. Let's go.

[focused tense music]

- [Host] At 4 PM on the last build day,

the final piece of this log-splitting monster

is locked and loaded.

- Yeah, we're good.

- [Sam] Tried 'em all? Tight?

- Yep. Yep. We're good. Drive shaft's in.

- [Sam] Drive shaft's in!

- [Host] Lines hooked up, drive shaft in place,

and no more metal to be dropped in.

It's time to test the hydraulic ram

and see if she'll split the car in half.

- Please, god. Make it work.

- It's kind of my a*s on the line

because, you know, I was gonna totally kick Eddie

out of here 'cause he was being [laughs] you know,

not agreeing with my idea.

So... [laughs] If it didn't work, ooh, man.

[mimics forlorn trumpet]

- Gentlemen. Start your engines.

[engine revving]

[rock music playing]

[machinery loudly whirring]

[group laughing]

[giggling]

- You there.

- [exclaims]

- Told you. [laughing]

[dramatic cymbal sting]

[funky music]

[engine revving]

- [Host] The Zimmer can split.

But two questions remain:

Does it drive?

And can it actually split wood?

[metal clanging]

[team hooting]

- [Willy] Okay, turn your wheel one off.

[funky music continues]

[engine starting up]

- [Host] The Long Beach lumberjack

serves up some fresh wood for the hungry monster.

[machinery whirring loudly]

- [Eddie] [shouting] Ready?

- Yeah.

- [Eddie] Okay!

[wood creaking]

[victorious shouting in background]

[applauding]

- We did it again.

[laughing]

- Good job, man.

Awesome.

- [Eddie] Oh, now look!

[wood splitting and cracking]

[victorious shouting and applause]

[laughing]

- High five, baby!

[wood thudding]

- Woo!

[machinery powering down]

- Way to go!

[whistles loudly]

[shouts, hoots, and applause]

- Yeah!

[laughing]

[yells victoriously]

- Yeah baby! It's good!

- Ah! I promised you a kiss. Here is a kiss.

- Come on, you guys. Come get some tools.

Let's get the hell out of here. [laughing]

[funky music plays]

[whistling]

- All right.

- Yeah. Hey.

Mac Tools. Motorcyclomania CD.

We didn't give out no tools the last build.

They failed, so...

- [Sam] This one didn't fail.

- It feels pretty good to make it.

- [Sam] It feels awesome.

- [Eddie] Yeah.

[laughing]

- [Jesse] Look at Eddie.

- [Host] Build cost tally.

Hard cash: $4,133.58

Freebie value: $28,555.45

Vehicle cost: $20,696.00

Grand total: $53,385.03

♪ Monster. Monster Garage.

- [Host] Hey, monster minions!

What is that white stuff on the ground?

- It's mucho frio.

- [Host] That's right, hosers!

We've rolled up to the Great White North.

Northern California, that is,

to Lake Tahoe!

Where the wood is good and the air is cold.

- Yay, Lake Tahoe!

- Hooray for Jesse!

- [Host] And these townsfolk need

a hunk of burnin' timber

to keep Jack Frost from nippin' at their nether regions.

- [Cameraman] Cold?

- My toes are.

- [Host] Way fast whitey to the rescue.

He's here to warm some cold toes

with some fresh-split logs

using his Long Beach log splitter.

Real purty, ain't she?

This baby blue beauty was painted courtesy of who else?

Jesse's go-to man with the brush, Pete Finlan.

[chains clanking]

And some 22-inch rims from Panther Wheels

and it's the most pimped-out splitter in history!

- Fire it up! Yeah, Jesse!

- [crowd yelling] Fire it up!

- I love you baby!

- [Host] Jesse pulls into the Lake Tahoe Pizza Company

to do what he does best.

Start fires.

[crowd cheering]

- Woo!

[crowd cheering in response]

- [Host] Nice threads, hombre.

What better outfit to split a cord of wood

than a corduroy suit?

Straight out of the Compton swap meet.

But enough about the duds,

the locals want fire.

- [crowd chanting] Fire it up!

- [Host] Check out the stretch on that Zimmer, man!

[siren beeping]

Hold up, chief! The Lake Tahoe Fire Department

has blown in to snow on Jesse's parade.

[crowd booing]

Is this challenge over before it's even begun?

But wait one hot minute!

They're not here to stop it.

They're here to help start it!

Slice and dice, baby.

[wood cracking]

[machinery whirring]

[upbeat drums playing]

- [Fireman] Log splitter.

- [Host] Looks like this Zimmer was born to split logs

and this pile's gonna be ready to ignite in no time!

[wood cracking]

[machinery whirring]

[crowd cheering]

[saw buzzing]

- I could do this all day.

[crowd cheering]

- [shouting] Jesse James!

- [Host] The sun is set and the temperatures have dropped.

- Woo! It's colder than a witch's [glass shattering].

[laughing]

- [Host] And this pile of wood isn't gonna light itself.

[gasoline glugging]

Who needs lighters?

The deputy mayor of Long Beach brought his own fire starter.

[rock music playing]

- Ready?

[flare g*n hissing]

[crowd cheering]

[flare hissing]

- [Host] Come on, Jesse! The car split the logs,

but you can't fire 'em up?

- Hey, is this like those joke candles?

[crowd laughing]

- Did you guys give me some [expl*si*n] gas?

Is that what it is?

- [Host] The man of steel

gets a little help from Tahoe City.

Straight petrol! No chaser.

[fire whooshing]

[crowd cheering]

- That's better.

[fire roaring]

- [Host] The wood's a-burnin'

and the people of Lake Tahoe are toasty warm

on a cold winter's night.

[fire roaring]

But Jesse's outta here.

He's got no time for logs that aren't split,

guys that don't quit,

- [shouting] Jesse James!

And race car drivers that think they can dance!

[rock music playing]

He's got metal to burn, sparks to fly.

The next Monster Garage challenge is just around the bend!

[fire roaring]

[water hissing]

[boos from crowd]

- [Cameraman] Say "Monster Garage rocks".

- No.

- [Cameraman] Aw, come on.

- [Other Cameraman] No, say it.

- Okay, Monster Garage rocks.

- [Cameraman] Aw, you can do better than that.

- [Other Cameraman] Do better than that.

[sighs]

- [Other Cameraman] He'll allow it.

- Monster Garage rocks!

- [Other Cameraman] All right.

- [Cameraman] Yeah!

[orchestral swell]