04x19 - Rockstarmagedon

[bunniefuu]

Witnessed the carnage has 6 rock'n'roll

superstars Terry each other apart like

cheap hotel rooms. Will music soothe the

savage celebrity? Not bloody likely. Find

out for sure right now on the.

Pepperdine Deathmatch.

Hello, everybody. I'm Johnny Gomez. I'm

Nick Diamond. And tonight six of the

world's most famous and outrageous rock

stars are here in the deathmatch arena.

The funny thing is. Three of them

are already dead. It's a little something

we like to call Rock Star magazine.

You younger fans might not know it, but

many of today's top artists hit the big

time only after emulating, some would

say, ripping off the biggest stars of

yester year. And now, thanks to the

Deathmatch Time Machine, Young Disciple

and Dead Master can come together to

decide who's the RIP off and who's the

inspired. Joining us tonight, World

Wrestling Federation superstar and the

sweatiest guy on basic cable, Stone

Cold Steve Austin. Glad to be

here fellas. In today's first bout,

modern day superstar Lenny Kravitz takes

on his self admitted inspiration, the

late great Jimmy Hendrix. Then it's

our dramatic second bout that's all

Sensation Shaggy takes on the original

Reggae Master Day. Since 1981, Bob Marley

and in our main event, these dueling

kings of the Rock'n'roll box office have

sold out all the football stadiums in

the country. Now they've gone and sold

out the death match. Arena it's Dave

Matthews versus Keith Richards stars from

the 60s, seventies, 80s, nineties and

today at no extra charge to you. You

know, Johnny, they say that if you

remember the 60s, you weren't really

there. Who says that? I don't remember,

but I would like to mention it was

my idea to bring. All these dead

guys back to avenge their reputations. In

TV we call it a thing. Nick,

I didn't want to spoil your good

time, but your theme doesn't hold water.

Keith Richards isn't dead. A share is.

Y'all confused? You're an idiot.

You're the idiot. And now fight

fans. It's Jimi Hendrix and Lenny

Kravitz in round one. Ohh, rap

star ******.

What's their beef? Everyone knows Lenny

Kravitz sound is very similar to that of

the late Guitar Master. Some might say a

little too similar. But here he is now

to defend his musical honor, the sexy

African American rock star with the

Jewish American name Lenny Kravitz.

Lenny was wearing his standard issue rock

star sunglasses. God forbid he should

make eye contact with an ordinary

citizen. What is it with these

celebrities and their sunglasses? Many

have sensitive retinas, Nick. Others just

prefer their light shaded. Let's go to

Stone Cold Steve Austin with the arrival

of tonight's first time traveling

fighter. All right, here we go, people.

Good evening, brothers and sisters. It's

so beautiful to be alive again. Hey,

that's the cat has been ripping me

off me. Damn right. You look out

Hendricks's Pissa. Excuse me while I

k*lled this guy.

Indeed. Started yet you wanna k*ll me.

You never even heard my music. I was six

years old when you tied on your last

bandana, kid. When I played Monterey in



music from the future. Including your

damn CD's. And until I get some

residuals, I'm taking them out of your

hands.

Looking to fly away, but there's no

escaping it infringed Jimi Hendrix.

Listen dude, I didn't RIP you

off. You. You gave me inspiration.

So where's my inspirational BMW pump?

You're gonna give me my inspirational

Lisa Bonet?

The hits just keep on coming.

You see people, the inspiration

provides the perspiration that this

dude copied in order to

become a teeny bopper sensation.

Pretty poetic for your sorry

*****. Lenny

Kravitz attacks with a devastating purple

nurple. He goes

for the double nurple, and there's

the twist. Hendrix now in real

trouble. Ohh. He appears to be

in some kind of purple nurple

haze. Well, the white women.

Ohh, God blessed. It may have blown

Jimmy'z mind, but wait, he's getting his

head back together. So you've been at

this rock star thing 112 or 13 years? So

I did nothing in four years what you've

been doing all this time? Hey, I'm a

Grammy winner. Ain't nothing to be proud

of.

All right, well, I think that hat

is stupid. Say what? Yeah, And I

think playing guitar with your teeth is

stupid. And I think sleeping on your

back when you're hammered is really

stupid. Hell, you mocked my untimely

death. Ditch.

Ohh man, so that's why he

wears those giant sunglasses.

Where you going chicken? Buck. Buck. Hey,

what gives? Is the fight over? I

guess Lenny ran home. Maybe he was

embarrassed by his giant bug shaped eyes.

Yeah, Jamie. Jamie up here.

Ohh, what's Lenny Kravitz doing up in the

rafters? Jimmy, I don't wanna fight. I

know how much you used to love this

stuff. Now is my chance to make peace

and drop acid around. Turn me on,brother.

Ohh, money must have secretly replaced a

fine acid Jimmy normally uses with

sulfuric acid. What a turn around for

Kravitz. It's not over yet. Look, hey,

what's you've got? Cough syrup? I don't

see how that will help either of

them. Wait, that's syrup of Epicac?

Others use it to induce vomiting.

Vomiting while asleep? That's like

kryptonite for rock stars.

Good morning. What are you

doing this actually trying to

force his bombing down his

opponents? Bro, it's like some

hideous game of football.

Lookout Jimmy struck up a clothesline.

This fight is over. Hendricks wins. Good

works. And then hop back in the machine

and we'll send you back to the 60s

put. But I won. I don't wanna go

back to the future is cool. Thanks for

stopping by. See you on the other side.

In hippie Ohh hell of a

fight. Jimi Hendrix thrilling this crowd

the way he did back at

Gas Cars Farm. Hey Johnny, check

this out. Castles made of sand

melt into the sea eventually.

Block it off. You know I hate it when you

get surreal.

Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, to

Celebrity Deathmatch rock star Mageddon.

It's time for our second fight of

the night, Shaggy versus Bob Marley. He's

shabba. New and improved version of the

reggae master. Or is he?Just playing

Reggae for Dummies. Let's find out. And

there he is, the one who calls

himself Mr. Boombastic Shaggy.

Unbelievably.

Who sign? I don't know what you're

saying, but it better not be profanity.

Ever since his return from the Gulf w*r,

this fellow has been delighting millions

with his hot rhythms and smooth island

vibe. Naysayers call it mall reggae, but

the millions of albums sold speak

otherwise. And here comes his opponent.

All the way from Trench Town,

Jamaica, His Royal Highness has a

kindness. The Iron Lion from Zion.

Bob Marley.

Barley. Bob Marley?

The hell is he? There must

have been a short circuit during

the transfer process. Either that or

a Grateful Dead show. Die Rastafari.

Martin Scooby, I want a good, clean

fight. Well, let's get it on.

OK, Mr. Shaggy and former brethren, watch

me kick your behind. Have a confession to

make. As you know, I shot the sheriff,

and although at the time I denied it, the

truth is I did in fact, sh**t the deputy

as well. A scandalous revelation. Bob

Barley publicly confessing to a crime

he's denied for years. I confessed this.

Not to let you see, I'm not afraid. That

k*ller man, especially a man who ripped

me up here.

Smell it. Smell like a Ruby on

Fury. Incredible. Marly's torturing his

opponent with his own natty dread. Those

heinous hair wads haven't seen shampoo in



Bob, I play more than just reggae.

Haven't you heard Angel of the Morning? I

forgot my brother Ribbon off Juice Newton

too. Me.

What about Ziggy? He sings all your

songs. He even looks like you. His Mason

loves Ziggy. Yeah, but you gonna name him

after the worst damn comic strip ever?He.

Like Misaki should be calling people

names. Say Shaggy, where's your mystery

machine? Shaggy, where is Velma? They're

doing Scooby Dooby Doo solving the

mysteries today.

Look at us, everybody. We've been

jamming. You're like jamming, Bob. I

hope you like jamming too, Bob.

Bob Marley does not appear to

like jamming after all. OK, so

you might sell a lot of

records, but can you play football?

Yeah, look at that. Bob Marley's

treating his opponent like some kind

of shaggy sack.

No one world is clearly not

enough for these two. OK, enough

of this. I need a hammer.

A hammer, a hammer. A hammer

to hammer is jerked off down.

Anyone got the hammer about that

small axe? Where Dino?

Barley doing with that bring post so bad

that they're well done.

Bob Marley getting mean with a move

inspired by his famous band. Unless he

meant the Hartford Whalers. Wow. OK bro,

once and for all. Who is the

best reggae star ever? My music is

more than just regular run.

Who is the best reggae

star ever? Ohh. Peter Tosh,

Last Chance. Who is the

yellow man? Jimmy Cliff, Alpha

Blondie, Burning Spear? Please Scratch

Perry Toots and The Maytals.

You'll be 40. It'll be

funny. Hell no.

Credible Bob Bullies poked his opponent

to pieces. Bob Marley is the winner.

Listen up, my brethren. When I better

leave this world, we must come together

as one and become one with him.

The same is true tonight. That the

light bra. What's he talking about?How's

he going to become one with ********?

Wait, I saw something like this at

Hedonism 2IN Montego Bay. Bob Marley's

actually turning that ringpost into a

into a into a novelty smoking device

for tobacco use only.

This fight is over. Bob Marley is

the king of Kingston. We'll be right

back with Keith Richards and Dave

Matthews in our Rockstar might get it.

Queen of it.

OK, ladies and gentlemen, on your

feet. It's our rock star Mageddon.

Main event.

Keith Richards. Dave Matthews. One has

spent weeks atop the Billboard charts and

peddled millions of albums. So has the

other One shows out the biggest stadiums

in America every time his band tours. So

does the other one plays a mean guitar.

So does the other one is a pasty

white guy who likes to booze it up.

Ohh, it's the other one has a last

name that is actually a pluralized first

name. So does the other. These fighters

are more than evenly matched. They're

identical except that Keith Richards's

dead. Stone Cold. Fire up that time

machine and bring him back dead. Now hang

on Nick, I just saw the stones at

the. Georgia Dome key thing dead Hillary

could be in the building right now.

That's impossible since Keith Richards

letter debaucherous lifestyle that k*lled

him many years ago. I think I saw it

on biography. Nick, I hate to disagree

with you but there ain't no way believe

these wrestlers. Look, didn't you hear

about the high concept theme of this

show? Dead guys?Coming back to life to

avenge their legacies. Let's say you lead

the heavy favorite to me and do as you're

told. Your big sweaty, fist wearing

gorilla. I have it your way, Ditch.

I got though your daddy. Ohh. Is

it time I'm here for Celebrity Deathmatch

baby merch? Unless that's the Angel of

death tightening. Stone Cold was right.

Good heavens, we've tampered with the

time space continuum. Oops. Alright, and

everyone just hang on. The Time Machine

clearly brought Keith Richards back from

just minutes ago and now there's two of

them. But if my calculations are correct

and a few seconds to molecular structure

of one time twin will decompose as the

others as reinforced. Well,

bend over and smile like a

donut. It actually works. Hey baby,

are you happy to see me?

Now let's get it on. Listen

mate, stop selling out all these

stadiums, you're infringing on the

Stones's turf. Ohh, how do you like that?

It's not the first time I've fallen all

my **** in public. It won't be the

last old dude.

You play Sissy walk for sissies.

Man, my fans are discerning music lovers.

They're young and have disposable income.

Your fans are old and have disposable

diapers. Ohh. What's wrong with Keith?

Come on, Keith, don't you know it's rude

to nod off in the company of strangers?

Let me and I'll give you my cool skull

ring. First you tell me how to make an

album like Exile on Main Street. Don't

remember that one, but I do know of a

pain straight because that's where you're

moving.

Oh, oh, Jeep is going into the arsenal

of cleared metal things he keeps in his

hair. Looks like he's got a a Leatherman

utility tool. You're right where you're

at, kid that Keep futzing around those

cigar houses and someday you'll be a rock

star. There goes Dave Matthews into the

expense. Count seats.

Ohh, Richard, stymied by a chair

to the head. Ohh,

bloody hell. Only that tetanus shot for

that. Better yet, it's a good thing I

don't leave home without this. What is

it, Johnny? Some kind of primitive

American Express card? It looks like some

kind of dialysis machine. Wait, I'll bet

he's trying to replace his poison blood,

just like he did in Switzerland back in



Where's the energy? Where's the deafening

feedback from all the telecasters? And

what's with all the bloody final solos?

Hey, watch it. My fiddle player is red.

You know, Dave, as the great philosopher

Jack Daniels once said, when the going

gets tough, the tough get blood

transfusions. And I must say, I

recommend. And it's gonna have a feeling,

you know, not so fresh. Unbelievable.

Hey, why aren't you attacking me? That

stuff you put in there, that ain't

blood, Keith.

Rockin Razzmatazz. Raspberry Rush. How

bloody hell, what have I done?

Good heavens are Terrible Error by

Keith Richards. God knows what kind

of having that juice beverage will

wreak on his system. Wait, look

at his eyes and his hair

and his teeth. They're not falling

out as fast as usual. He's

Richard is invigorated. I feel like

I'm 47 again. Keith Richards seizes

control of this fight. But look

out. She's got a hold of

Jeeps, dialysis equipment.

Ohh but I don't want your

blood, I just had mine clean.

Ohh OK you will you really

though?

Actually, I think I might go set for a

while in the garden. All

right, here's nice too.

Never have believed it. The blood of

his mellow opponent is mellowing him out

too. Say, David, come over here and

I'll stroke your hair ever so something

in a second. Thanks, Mike, but I

think I've had enough of that.

Stopping the flow. I

said.

Keith Richards has blown A gasket. These

fans are not happy about the loss of this

rock'n'roll icon. Look, I'm sorry, but

the tune mark my fiddle player. I will go

to the mat for my fiddle player.

Jeep is up. He's the Keith inator.

We were fools to think that a

mere brain aneurysm could slow this rock

legend down. The Kaiser Theaters, can

opener get poop fast. Keith Richards is

opening a can of his own discarded

blood on Dave Matthews.

We can only imagine the horror of that

tainted blood making its way inside this

nice young man's circulatory system.

Oh oh.

Keith Richards is the winner.

And what a night. We start with a

transfer of vomit and end with a transfer

of blood. Don't surprise me one bit. Rock

stars all about exchanging bodily fluids.

You never should have called me a sweaty

best wearing gorilla. Now I got no choice

but to go rock star on your great guess

and drop you like a 27 inch Trinitron.

Ohh, Nick's gonna feel that when he wakes

up. For a

Stone Cold Steve Austin and all of us

here at Celebrity Deathmatch, I'm Johnny

Gomez. Good fight, good night and good

rock star Mageddon.