01x08 - Denver Is for Lovers

[bunniefuu]

[ticking]

[ticking speeds up]

-[drum hit]
-[ticking stops abruptly]

Okay, so that's our class.

Next class, we'll get into
comparing the themes

of Pride and Prejudice
and Mansfield Park.

-Goodbye.
-Mr. W., why did Jane Austen

write the characters
of Kitty and Lydia

if their personalities are identical?

Great question,
and a perfect place to pick up tomorrow.

What are you talking about?
There's still five minutes left in class.

Well, Beth, studies have shown
kids need quiet time...

to metabolize
what they've learned.

-Cite your sources. What studies?
-Studies.

Now, everyone, close your eyes
and think about the material.

[Marina] Wow.

I think I get it now.

Me too.

[ambient street noise]

-[♪ fast, rhythmic music playing]
-Josh!

Hey!

I can't believe I forgot
my change of clothes.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
when you said you were gonna change,

I didn't know you were gonna do it here.

I don't have a choice, okay?

Between teaching
and my rehearsal schedule

for the play, there's no time.

Can you squirt some water in my mouth?
[grunting]

I love this dedication, man.

But are you sure you can juggle all this?

This is the life of an artist.

-And I think I'm k*lling it.
-Really?

Because you're half naked
in Central Park.

I'm sure I'm not the only one.

-Do you have any food or anything?
-Just this small bag of cashews

-for my midday snack.
-Give me those.

Thank you.

What am I supposed to do with these?

[♪ upbeat, electronic music playing]

[♪ festive holiday music playing]

-It arrived.
-Oh, God.

Please, no more
Christmas decorations.

I'm scared of the Elf on the Shelf.

[♪ ominous sting]

You need to tell me
if you did that.

How could I have done that?

If you touch him,
he returns to Santa.

And no, this is my gift for Bill.

You can't give him that.

-Why not?
-I'm not sure if you're aware,

but rings are often associated
with marriage.

More importantly, it's ugly.

Ah, but it's ugly
and meaningful.

Bill was the first person
in his family to go to college,

but he couldn't afford a class ring
when he graduated.

So, I went on eBay, and turns out

one of his classmates just died.
How lucky is that?

Well, maybe don't tell him that part.

I'm so excited,
I'm gonna sneak it to him

at the Fisher Stassen holiday party.

-Are you coming with me?
-[sighs]

I wish I could be there,
but I have to work.

Wait, did you find
a new celebrity to style?

Who? Clooney?
Pedro Pascal?

-Jacob Elordi?
-No.

I'm going after someone even better.
Jack McBrayer.

Jack McBrayer?

I know he's hilarious,
but is he a fashion person?

No, but neither was Austin.

Look, anyone can style
Pedro Pascal.

I think the fastest way for me
to build my client roster

is to transform normal famous people
into fashionable ones.

I still need to find a way
to talk to his publicist,

but I'm working on that.

Plus, I've activated
my secret weapon.

My grandma in India is fasting for me.
Ammamma's a beast.

Should she be fasting, though?
She's very tiny.

Yeah, no kidding.
I need to find a client ASAP.

[ambient street noise]

-Would you like to round up for charity?
-[Josh] Of course.

I always round up.

And put two dollars
on there for yourself.

[chuckles]

-[card reader chirping]
-Declined?

-Oh. [chuckles]
-Sorry. [chuckles]

[chirping]

[barista]
Still declined.

I-- I already took a bite
of the monkey bread.

If you can't pay, please leave.

Ken, why don't
my credit cards work?

[Ken] [on phone] I'm sorry, Josh.
Your dad instructed me to cut you off.

Cut me off?

Because I made him
clean up a spill?

Correct.
But according to your dad,

you did it in a really bitchy way.

This is unbelievable.

Josh, all you have to do is apologize,
and he'll get over it.

Like when your sister
went to that protest.

Well, unlike her,
I will never apologize.

I stand by my actions.
I am a man of principle.

You're gonna be a man
of ramen noodles soon.

You know your dad
can be extremely vindictive.

Fine.
I don't need him.

I have a job in television.

In news.
Do you know how much money you make?

I'll text you the amount.

[phone dings]

[gasps]

So, I thought I'd give you a choice
for the last 15 minutes of class,

I could keep telling you
about Pride and Prejudice,

or Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle can.

[students chanting]
Colin Firth! Colin Firth! Colin Firth!

[students cheering]

Wait, where are you going?

Uh, I thought you'd wanna
watch it without me.

You know, the male gaze.

You're not that masculine,
it's not a problem.

Shut up, Beth!
We need this.

[door closes]

Hey, Davis, do you wanna get lunch?

Play Cava roulette?
I pick your bowl, you pick mine?

-No, I have lunch plans.
-Is everything okay?

You've been pretty quiet recently.

-I'm great.
-Just, this is the least

you've ever spoken to me.

Wow, what a stupid thing to say.

Remember when I had strep
for a week

and I could only communicate
with a small wipey board?

I do remember that.
I'm sorry.

No, no, no. I'm sorry.

Next time, I'll make sure my pain
is more memorable for you.

Paula, I've done the math.

Given my salary
and the hours I work,

I am technically impoverished.

You order takeout every day

and leave your leftovers in the fridge.
You're rich.

My situation has recently changed.
I need a raise.

Welcome to TV journalism.
It's a dying industry.

I am a 62-year-old woman
with a wife and a roommate.

First of all, I have a lot of questions
about that dynamic.

But Paula, that's crazy.
Why do you keep doing this job?

Because it's important.
It's not about the money.

Our payment is keeping the world
from going completely to sh*t.

Alright, I'm gonna tell you
what I've told every PA before you.

If you wanna steal food
from the snack station, I don't care.

-[♪ "Colours" by BLOWSOM playing]
-♪ Staring at the pictures ♪

♪ With the colours
I was about to get her ♪

♪ To get her ♪

♪ Staring at the window makes it better,
best feeling ever ♪

♪ Ever, ever ♪

[♪ music fades out]

Morgan, you have a delivery
from Celine.

[Morgan]
Oh, my God, from Michael?

He does not need
to be getting me gifts.

Is it the Triomphe?
He owes me.

-It's actually nothing.
-Excuse me?

There's nothing in the bag
but tissue paper.

I pretended to be a messenger
to get in here to talk to you.

Dylan, call security!

No! No, no, no.
Please, please, please, please.

Just hear me out.
My name is Abby Chilukuri.

I'm a stylist, and I used to work
with Austin Blanchett.

So, you were the one
behind his little transformation?

Yes!
And now, I would love to work

with your client, Jack McBrayer.

Yeah, so would everyone.
He's the gem of Georgia.

Jack doesn't need a stylist.

That kind of stuff
doesn't really interest him.

It didn't interest Austin either.

But I think there's a big opportunity
for Jack in men's fashion.

Please, just send him
the Canva link

and see what he thinks.

If he's interested
or has an event coming up,

I will happily waive my fee for him.

Okay.

Jack is doing a live reading
of his new memoir tomorrow,

and he has been saying
he wants to be more rock-and-roll,

whatever the hell that means.

I'll pitch you to him
and we'll go from there.

That is incredible!

Morgan, thank you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you so much.

Um, while I'm here...
[chuckles]

if you have any other clients
that need a stylist or--

Quit while you're ahead.

Bye.

Thank you so much
for helping me with my finances.

Oh, of course, dude, I got you.
Okay, first things first.

What are these $150 charges
at Roberto Caglia's every two weeks?

Oh, Roberto?
He executes my hair vision.

Allen Ginsberg meets Mystery
from K-Pop Demon Hunters.

-He's my barber.
-Not anymore. You're going to Supercuts.

[door opens]

Oh, there he is.
How was rehearsal today?

Oh, could not have gone better.

That's great.
Kel, question for you.

How often do you get a facial?

-What? Never.
-[Josh] What?!

Goddammit, beautiful people
save so much money.

I'm sorry, what's going on?

Josh is budgeting
for the first time in his life.

-Oh, boy.
-[Josh] And to get ahead of it,

it is very important that I keep
my monthly donation to the Sierra Club.

Okay, then I don't think
you need subscriptions

to The New York Times,
The New Yorker,

and New York Magazine.

The holy trinity?
Yeah, I need those.

Screw the Sierra Club.

Sorry, wildlife.
The planet's cooked anyway.

-I must be under budget now.
-Nowhere near it.

I'm calling my dad to apologize.
I can't live like this.

He kicked me off
our Amazon Prime account.

We're men, Josh.
We can get our own Prime account.

Okay, don't look so sad.

I'm taking both of you boys

to the Fisher Stassen
holiday party tomorrow.

Free food, free drinks.

-We rage all night, until 9 p.m.
-[Kel] Hold on.

You sure you still
wanna go to that?

I mean, won't AJ and Bill be there?

Maybe. I don't care.

When I look at her at work,
I feel nothing 'cause I've moved on.

Ladies of Fisher Stassen, beware!
Hurricane Davis...

-is making landfall.
-[chuckles] That's right, buddy.

Hey. [patting table]
Guys, enough.

Can we get back to the budget?
I am so stressed.

My weekly massage
cannot come soon enough.

-[AJ] Hi!
-Oh, hi.

-Where are you off to?
-There's a free reading at the library,

and Davis told me I can't afford
to buy audiobooks anymore.

Uh-huh.
Hey, can I walk with you for a second?

-I, uh, just have a question.
-Sure.

Ooh, can you slow down?

I'm walking New York normal.
You speed up.

So, Davis is, like,
barely speaking to me at work.

Is something going on?

Kel knew you were seeing someone.

And I saw Bill
leaving your apartment.

We had to tell him.

Oh, my God!

I am so stupid.
Dammit, this is so bad.

Do you think he'll tell anyone?

No, I don't.
He's not that type of guy.

[sighs] Thank God.

It's just, things with Bill and I
are getting kinda serious.

I think we might even tell people
at work in the new year.

I just-- I don't wanna mess this up.

Well, your secret's safe with me.

And Davis and Kel.

And Roberto,
former hair guy.

-We have no secrets.
-I appreciate that.

You wanna come
to this library thing with me?

-Ooh, what is it?
-It's a historian

reading from his own book
on Dutch street names in lower Manhattan.

-I'd rather k*ll myself.
-[chuckles] Fun fact.

"k*ll" means "river" in Dutch.

It is amazing
that society accepts you.

Oh, now who's walking fast?

[♪ upbeat music playing]

Hey, Kate, you wanted to see me?

Beth, what are you doing here?

We both wanted to see you.
Have a seat.

I'll tell people
when to have a seat, Beth.

Have a seat, Kel.

So, what's going on?

Have you been leaving
your class unsupervised?

Okay. Okay, yes.

But it was an emergency.
I had a tech rehearsal for my play.

Of course you're an actor.

From the minute I met you,
I knew something was off.

Vice Principal Woodson, arrest him.

I am not arresting him.

-Also, I don't think I can do that.
-Fine.

-You're fired.
-What?

No, no, you're not fired.

But there are consequences.

Kel, you're gonna chaperone
the formal tonight

to show your commitment
to the students.

What?
That's not a punishment.

This formal is gonna be
the best night of my life.

And now, he's gonna be there
wearing something dorky?

This is so unfair.
I always knew

you didn't care about teaching,
and once again, I'm right.

-[door opens and closes]
-Kel, what the hell?

-Come on.
-I know.

But Kate, I don't really have
to chaperone this dance, right?

I have my roommate's
holiday party tonight.

-And I really learned my lesson.
-[sighs]

Maybe you and I can, uh,
talk about it over dinner?

Well, there is this new tapas place
under the High Line

I've been meaning to try.

Mm, I'd love that.

Great. But you do have
to chaperone the dance.

You'll be in charge
of building the balloon arch

and making sure the kids
don't hook up in the bathroom.

Mm.

Have a great rest of your day.

[Kel claps]

[♪ pop music playing over PA]

Hm.

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, okay.

[soft exhale]
Excuse me.

Would, uh, studio services
let me pull this for a client?

I'm a stylist to the stars.
Lots of big ones.

We can definitely check.
What's your name?

Abby Chilukuri.

-And who are you pulling for?
-Jack McBrayer.

Oh, I love Jack McBrayer.
He's the gem of Georgia.

I'm sure that will be fine.

-Oh, thank God.
-What?

Nothing.
Nothing, uh, just excited

to meet a fellow member
of the McBrayer mafia.

[sighs]

[♪ jazz holiday music playing]

[people chattering]

Holy sh*t! [chuckles]

I mean, paid for with blood money,
but holy sh*t, this party's insane.

'Tis the season for signature c*ck
and premium mistakes.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I see at least 15 ladies

I need to talk to before
my beta blocker wears off.

-Wingman?
-Sorry.

Tonight, I'm testing the limits
of unlimited buffet.

You brought Tupperware?

Bro, that's why you're the GOAT!

-Thank you.
-Thanks.

-[both] Cheers.
-[glasses clinking]

So, have you been naughty or nice?

I think naughty.

[♪ "Best Things in Life"
by The Dreamliners playing]

♪ You and me ♪

♪ So young and free ♪

Is that a gingerbread house for two?

♪ Yes, these are
the best things in life ♪

Wouldn't wanna live there anyway.

Whoa, ladies!

Snowstorm's coming!

Ah!

Uh, who wants whipped cream?

[clears throat]

[with mouth full]
Brutal.

[can hissing]

[♪ music fades out]

[♪ hip-hop music playing]

[people chattering]

-[glass clinking]
-Yes!

Oh! Great job, Mr. W.

-Thank you.
-[chuckles]

Kel, will you dance with me?

Marina, you know I can't do that.

Alright. [chuckles]

[under breath]
For now.

Beth is still in the bathroom crying.

She's being so dramatic.

-Wait, Beth is crying? Why?
-Who even knows?

She's been acting
like a dictator about this dance.

-Like Muammar Gaddafi.
-Or Idi Amin.

We're learning about dictators
in World History.

I'm over it.
Let's just go put on fake freckles.

♪♪

-[♪ jazz band playing]
-[people chattering]

Hey. Can we talk?

I'm busy.

Hey, you can't just
grab people at a party, AJ!

That's my personal space.

And that's where I got my flu shot!

-What?
-I know you know about me and Bill.

I should have told you.

It-- it just felt like
you might think it was--

Unprofessional?
Shitty? Gross?

Complicated,
because we all work together.

Yeah.
God, I bet it was so hot

keeping it from us,
your sexy little secret.

Giggling in bed about me,
Dileep, and Jocelyn.

Talking about how weird my ears are,
how bad my handwriting is.

What? No!

-We never did that.
-Yeah, right.

AJ, I just thought...

What?

I just didn't think
you were the type.

Well, it's a good thing
I don't care what you think,

-because this has nothing to do with you.
-Great.

Anything else
you wanna force me to talk about

-that has nothing to do with me?
-No.

Just don't tell anyone, okay?

Don't worry, AJ,
your little secret's safe with me.

[music and chatter continues]

[knocking]
Male teacher entering.

-[Beth sniffling and sobbing]
-Male teacher entering.

Beth? You okay?

[Beth] [scoffs]
What do you want?

What's going on?

What's going on is...
[sniffing]

...this gown was supposed to be
a reference

to Kylie's Kardashian Christmas Party
green satin Ralph & Russo gown.

Yeah, yeah, for-- for sure.
I've-- I've heard of that one.

And my stupid mom never listens to me,

and she didn't get
the dress tailored right,

so now everything's ruined!
[sobbing]

[sniffling]

Everyone lets me down.

I'm so sorry, Beth.

I guess I'll just go find
my boyfriend, Rocco.

And since my self-esteem is so low,
I'll probably go all the way.

Jesus, don't do that.

Uh, just give me one second.

I think I know someone
who can help.

Sorry about my stuff.

It's just really inconsiderate.

[phone ringing]

Kel, I'm on the subway.
I might lose you.

-Is everything okay?
-[Kel] [on phone] No.

I really need your help.
One of my students is in a crisis.

What? No!
I'm on my way

to the biggest fitting of my life.
And I hate kids.

Please.
I'm at the school dance,

and my student's dress doesn't fit.

She's crying,
she won't leave the bathroom,

and she's threatening
to lose her virginity to Rocco.

[Beth] For the last time,
it's not just a school dance.

It's the winter formal.

Wait, this is a formal?

A formal is the most defining moment
of a high school girl's life.

I know, that's why I'm calling you.

[groaning] Okay, okay.
I have a few extra minutes.

-Thank you.
-I'll see you soon.

Bye.

[♪ determined music playing]

Excuse me, excuse me.

-Hey, what's going on?
-I have a gift for you.

Oh, uh, presents.

-I don't-- I don't think this is the time.
-I know.

It'll take two seconds.

[chuckles]

Thank you, Pascarelli.

I was too excited to wait
to give it to you,

but we can still do
our holiday dinner.

Oh, uh, I'm actually going
to be gone next week

for some work stuff.

Work stuff?
Like, something I should know about?

No, just some annoying
housekeeping stuff

that I've been putting off.

Oh. Okay.

Yeah, we can do our dinner
when you get back.

Yeah, I'll, uh, be back
by New Year's, and we'll talk then.

Uh, we should probably...

Oh, my God, Abby, you're so cool.

I don't know why you're friends
with Mr. W., but thank you.

Of course.

And can I just say,
you look better than the reference.

Shut up.
That's so rude to Kylie.

Beth, bruh. Over here.

Um, thank you.

-I'm guessing that's Rocco?
-Punk.

Thank you again.

Of course.

Wait, come here.

[♪ "Memories" by
I Can't Speak French playing]

-♪ I don't wanna feel ♪
-[clearing throat]

♪ The weight of you if I... ♪

-It's better.
-Mm.

Okay. I have to run.

Yeah, yeah. Of course.

Get outta here.

Bye, Mr. W.

♪ Now I sleep without you ♪

[♪ jazz holiday music playing]

I'm sure they'll refill it.

Got any holiday plans, Bill?
And don't say work.

-It'll make me look bad.
-Ha.

No, I, uh, I'm leaving town
with my girlfriend tomorrow for Aspen.

AJ, you lucky b*stard.

[♪ jazz holiday music
continues playing]

Excuse me.
Are you the stylist Morgan mentioned?

Yes. Hi, I'm Abby.

Thank you so much
for this opportunity.

I'm so excited
about all of these looks.

Me too!
But now, I have to ask,

based on the photos that you sent,
do you see me

as, like, a bad boy or...
[chuckles]

That's a great question.
I-- I guess if that's--

Because between you and me,

I've always seen myself
as a bad boy.

Behind these kind eyes
lurks a real scoundrel.

I love it.

I actually have
the perfect jacket for you.

-Oh, yes, that Prada jacket.
-Yes.

Whoo!
When Morgan showed me that picture,

I was like, "The man
that wears that jacket?

"Oh, he doesn't play the sweetie pie.

"He plays the hero
dangling from a helicopter

"screaming, 'I am the storm!'"

[laughing]

I just rewatched
all the Mission Impossibles.

Okay, slight wrinkle.
It seems the jacket didn't make it.

What?
Well, what does that mean?

The jacket's not here.

But we have so many
other incredible options.

This Zegna, this Brunello.

This Versace is just amazing.

Those are nice, but that jacket

is what got me excited
about all of this. [chuckles]

You know what?
I'm just gonna wear this.

-[chuckles]
-No, no. Please. Please.

-We can make you look like a bad boy.
-It's fine.

It was so nice to meet you.
I'm sorry this didn't work out.

And honestly, I blame myself.
[laughing]

Please don't.

I don't, actually.
I was just being polite.

Okay.

[sighs]

[people chattering]

Josh?
What are you doing here?

[chuckles] I'm Davis's plus one.

This party is insane.

Eighteen people
have offered me cocaine.

-Only 18?
-[chuckles] Wait, dude.

We have to talk Aspen.
My family goes every year.

-Hm?
-If you see my dad

at The Little Nell,
tell him I'm doing great.

What? I am not going to Aspen.

But I just overheard Bill
telling some guy

he's going with his girlfriend tomorrow.

Oh, yeah, Aspen.

Sorry, I am so sleep deprived, I forgot.

Will you excuse me for a second?

[♪ jazz music playing]

-[Abby] [on phone] Hey.
-Hey, Abby.

Um, h-how did everything go with Jack?

Did you need something, Kel?

Uh, no, I-- I just wanted
to see if, um...

Is everything okay?

No, actually.
I got fired,

and I lost an $18,000 jacket
because of you.

How is that my fault?

I left it on the subway when you
made me go to that stupid school.

Sorry, I--

[♪ soft pop music playing]

[Abby]
Why is my door open? Hello?

[Kel] Abby? Abby?

[phone beeping]

Oh, my God, what happened?

[sobbing and sniffling]

[grunting]

[Josh] Thank you.
I'm sorry.

I'm in a battle of the wills

that has led to my financial ruin,

and therefore, I cannot tip you.

That's okay.
But maybe your friend

can take me out sometime?

Uh, maybe he can.

Great.

[♪ lively swing music playing]

Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God!

-[sniffling]
-After you gave him that ugly ring

and everything?

Did you yell at him?
What did he say?

Mm, nothing.
He doesn't even know that I know.

-I had to hear it from Josh.
-[scoffs]

We're going to Bill's.

-No.
-Mm-hmm.

-No, no. I took my bra off.
-Please.

Your boobs are small.
Put a jacket on.

You need answers.

-I know the answer.
-No.

He needs to know that you know.

At the very least,
you get to ruin his vacation.

Maybe he'll be thinking about it
and fall off a ski lift.

That's the spirit.
Let's get to Tribeca,

home of Manhattan's villains
and one angel.

[both] Taylor Alison Swift.

Kel, I wish you could have
been there, man.

We both cleaned up.

Me, more food based,
but Davey over here

got a girl's number
just by needing a coat.

-We're so back.
-Hell yeah, we are.

Totally, totally.

Hey, Josh, can I ask you
for a favor?

What do you need, buddy?

Can you just tell me
that AJ's not that great?

And that she's not that pretty,
and she's not the girl of my dreams?

I mean, you-- you hate her, so just,
like, tell me how much she sucks.

I'm sorry, I can't.

But I can tell you this.

You are gonna find someone
who deserves you.

Someone even better.

How? I've been trying
for two decades.

Hey, if you could fall in love
with the girl across the hall,

I promise there is someone else
in this city for you.

[Kel]
Yeah, don't blame yourself.

I mean, if anything, blame the building.
It's cursed.

None of us are having any luck here.

And if we can't find anyone,

-we'll move to Denver.
-Denver?

Of all cities, you pick Denver?

I'd move to Denver with you, bro.

-Think about all the hikes we'd go on.
-You don't even hike with me here.

I would in Denver.

I'm not moving to Denver.

Okay, fine, then you're not invited
to Denver anymore.

-[Josh scoffs]
-Bang.

[Josh chuckles]

I'll be at the Duane Reade
down the street.

Come find me as soon as it's over.

You got this.

[sighs]

[inhales deeply]

[doorbell ringing]

AJ, what-- what are you doing here?

Who are you going to Aspen with?

I wanted to talk to you
when I got back.

Well, I'm here now.

Uh, Catherine and I
got back together.

She came into town a few weeks ago
and wanted to talk.

I don't understand.

-You said we were exclusive.
-No.

I said you made me want to be.

Are you kidding?

You lied on a technicality?

Is that supposed to make me feel better?

No, it's not.
And I'm-- I'm sorry.

Okay, I...

AJ, we don't have a future.

And I knew that,
but I did this anyway

because I liked you so much.

If you like me so much,
then why can't we be together?

You're incredible.

But you're not the person
I should be with.

We're too similar.

So what, you want someone
who sits at home

and makes you breakfast in bed?

Someone who doesn't challenge you,
or understand you,

or get the thing
you devoted your life to?

Yes, I need that.

That's what we need
to do this job.

I need a Catherine
to take care of me,

and trust me...

you're gonna need
someone like that, too.

[sniffles]

I'm sorry.

[♪ "Skeletons"
by Yeah Yeah Yeahs playing]

♪ Soon comes rain ♪

♪ Dry your eyes ♪

♪ Frost or flame ♪

♪ Skeleton me ♪

♪ Fall asleep ♪

♪ Spin the sky ♪

♪ Skeleton me ♪

[voice] Go to bed.