09x05 - Jer Bud

[bunniefuu]

Jerry:
Uhh, I'm so nervous!

It's been so long, no one
even makes fun of me

for being unemployed
anymore.

Aw. We can make fun of you
if you want, sweetie.

You could also
take one of these.

It's a worry worm.

It eats your worries
and dies out in a couple hours.

I'm on one right now.
Super chill.

I'm not taking
breakfast drugs!

We doing
breakfast drugs?

I'm just dropping
Morty off. Deal me in.

Nobody's dealer-ing
anyone.

Seriously, guys, this
interview is important to me!

Wow! Good luck, Dad!

Didn't -- Didn't realize
you were still trying.

Yeah. Why?

No one's on your a*s
to contribute a thing.

Ah, if you're trying to
neg me into taking a worm,

you've succeeded.

Negging works.
[ Gulps ]

See you all in a week!
Mnh.

I'm so excited!

Guh-uh, this is what it feels
like to have friends?

Wouldn't know.
Pick you up on Sunday?

See you then!

-Snowball!
-Morty!

-[ Panting ]
-[ Laughs ]

Oh, my God!
I missed you so much!

Me too, Morty. Me too.

[ Laughs ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[ Shutter clicking ]

I...was there
when that happened.

Really cool!

Whoa! They got
a monorail, too?!

Proud of my dog.
He built this place, you know.

UGG! Glugg UGG!

Agh! sh*t!
What the f*ck?

Paul! Come! Up!
Don't mess with him.

We don't know
if he's had his shots.

Snowball: Morty.
Oh, I see you've met a mup.

No big deal.

Just humanoid creatures
we bred to be pets.

Hopefully that doesn't, heh,
freak you out too much.

Oh. Nope.
I've seen a lot of stuff.

Good, because
it would be weird

if you were
offended by it, heh,

since you had pets first.

[ Gasps ]
[ Sniffing ]

Ugh! Is there anything else
we could visit or talk about?

Yes. Good. Good.
Of course.

BooBoo, push
the Sniff Conference.

I've got a lot to show
my old friend.

That's the college
of New Dog City.

And there is our
mech-suit warehouse.

We've updated
your grandpa's designs.

Cool!

I know you're probably
distracted by the mups.

Sadly, they're all
I can see now.

Okay, m-maybe we should
just chill at your place.

You know?
Ch-Chill? Hang?

[ Beeping ]

Water bowl, sir?

It is our finest
hose water.

Ohh! It's shaped
like a little dog bowl.

Tha-- Hey.
That's -- That's fun.

Snowball:
Yes, this is good.

We will hang by the pool
and reminisce about old times.

No politics. [ Chuckles ]

[ Mancors screeching ]
We got company!

God damn it!

-Haaaa!
-Take, take!

Jesus Christ!

-Take, take, take!
-Take, take, take!

[ Morty screams ]

You said we could
keep them out!

We're trying, sir!

The Mancors,
they're adapting!

So we adapt harder,
General.

You're making my friend
uncomfortable.

Okay. Morty...

I think you're getting
the wrong impression.

You're seeing a lot
of physical deformity

and selective breeding,

and your mind is going
to all kinds of places.

I mean, it's more that this
wasn't quite the vacation I --

Titus, take Morty
to the mup facility, mm?

Show him
how loved they are.

Hey, buddy!

Okay. Y-You don't
have to crouch.

Wow, and it says here
under Other Experience:

"jumped dimensions."

What was that like?

Well, you see
some things, Bob,

but at the end
of the day,

you realize we're all
pretty much the same.

That's the kind of experience
I want to bring to the team.

Incredible.

So can I ask?

Any big fish you're
trying to take down?

Well, Jerry, I don't normally
talk clients during interviews,

but, God, I'm just loving
this laid-back attitude!

Nipslip Vodka.

If we can convince them
to hire us,

we'd double our revenue.

Ahh.

I mean,
it's right there, Bob.

It's screaming at ya.

What? I-I-I don't see it.

Drink.

Yes. Yes! I love it!

I love it!
So simple. So great!

Mm. These things
come to me.

Hey. You free tonight?

We're having dinner
with their CEO.

They need to
hear this, Jerry,

and they need to hear it from
someone as confident as you.

♪ It's Friday, Friday,
gotta get down on Friday ♪

-Honey, I'm home.
-Jerry?

Prospects are good. Meeting
the client for dinner.

Oh. Uh, that's great.

Why did you park
on the lawn?

Jesus. How many
of these did you take?

The first worm helped,
so I took a couple
more. No biggie.

What's up?
Jerry O.D. on worms?

I told him
to take one!

[Burps] Holy sh*t!

Jerry,
you are teeming!

I-I guess you had
enough anxiety

to fuel a worm
breeding frenzy.

That's a bad thing,
right?

It's a new thing.
I-I gotta admit,

I don't know much
about the worm business.

I'm sure my worm
dealer has a fix.

J-Man's gonna pass
on all this.

Honey,
you're teeming!

Alright. But let's
wrap this quick.

Big night ahead.

No more
giving Jerry drugs.

Loud and clear.

Titus: You like that?

We call it
a mup-a-cino!

Mmm! Creamy!

Biscuit, this is Emperor
Snowball's "Morty."

As you can see,
Morty,

it's all totally fine.

I'm kind of getting
the impression

that you're all sort of
ashamed of this stuff.

Ashamed?
He seems
unconvinced.

I'll play the video.

Dog spokesperson: And thanks
to new breakthroughs

in cruelty-free Mup technology,

you can further customize
your new best friend

with our drag-and-drop display.

[ Mup screams ]

Hahaha!
And the mups like it!

Non-genetic modifications
can also be made

once your mup is born,

and once the stitch is healed,

your new friend is ready
to join the family.

Super normal!

And if you think it's weird,
you're weird.

[ Baby mup cries ]

Brought you
a friiiend!

[ Coughing ]

That's a happy
wheeze!

Titus: Aww. He thinks
they're inside the TV.

Play him
the video again!

Morty?
Oh. Hey -- Hey, pal.

Glad I caught you,
actually.

I-I'm just
gonna take off.

Got some homework
I forgot about. Uh...

-Great seeing you, though.
-Right.

So you're going to
cancel me?

What? No.

So you're not gonna run

and tell your grandfather
I'm doing eugenics?

You're projecting so much
specific sh*t onto me!

You think I'm r*cist.

Listen, I came here
as your friend.

That's how
I wanna leave.

Okay. Just had
a lot planned.

Didn't even get to see
our giant sprinkler.

Next time. O-Okay?

Okay...

[ Door closes ]

[ Panting softly ]

Please don't try to k*ll me.
Please don't try to k*ll me.

Please don't try
to k*ll me.

[ Crash ]
Titus: Oh, sh*t!

[ Tires screech ]
God damn it!

-Oh, God!
-On the ground! Down! Down!

♪♪

[ Tires screech ]
[ Horn honks ]

Driver: Get out of the road,
you dumb mup!

Oh...no...

[ Mups snarling ]

[Mancors shrieking]

♪♪

[ Snarling ]

Oh, f*ck me!

-Take, take, take, take!
-Take, take, take, take!

Wait! Maybe they can't
see us if we don't move!

Never mind! Run!
[ Whimpers ]

[ Sniffing ]
Take-take?

Ugh. Please don't take me
to join some kind of rebellion.

Yah. Take-take.

[ Mancors shrieking ]
Aww, man!

Uh, hello? Sweet Marie?

[ Lizard growls and screeches ]

Brought the
whole family, huh?

We're cool.

Yeah, we're...
ice cold.

As you can see,
my idiot kinda-husband

took too many
Flaxar worms,

and they are now
reproducing inside him.

Cha-ching!
You want to go 60/40?

We're trying to fix him, not
get into the worm business.

Well, hold on.
Who's getting that 60?

Dad, we are not
letting this woman
harvest Jerry for worms!

Marie? You texted "Come in"
and then a g*n emoji?

Space Beth: Yah!

[ All grunting ]

[ Sweet Marie screams ]

God damn it, Dad! Good
dealers don't grow on trees!

Infinite multiverse,
sweetie.

There are trees
that do that.

[ All grunting ]

♪♪

[ Screeching ]

Beth: sh*t, Jerry!

Hmm. We better
find him fast.

If the worms hit a tipping
point on Jerry's anxiety,

they'll start using him to
feed on other people's worry.

You mean...
He's going to feed on
creating discomfort.

Oh, boy.
He'll be great at it.

Jerry's tracker
disappeared here.

The worms
must have eaten it.

Those things impress me
more and more by the minute.

Rick: They're a gold mine.
Hold on.

[ Grunts ]

Surprise improv
on the subway!

Hey, want to jump in, sir?

[British accent] We could
play aging rock stars, luv.

Shall we get cream-
crackered-knackered?

Taking him to that improv
class was a mistake.

Why wouldn't that be
worry-worm heaven?

'Cause Jerry loves it.

Uh, no, these things
must be trying to max out

Jerry's anxiety
specifically.

Where could he go
to create

the most discomfort
for everyone involved?

-Rick/Beth: His client dinner!
-Client dinner?

Right. Why he did the worms
in the first place.

Do I have
Long COVID?

-Take, take, take!
-Take, take, take!

-Take, take, take!
-Take, take, take!

[ Mancors shrieking ]

[ Morty screams ]

-Take, take, take!
-Take, take, take!

Oh. Cool. Y-You have
a leader already.

Y-You don't --
You don't need me

as your Dances for Wolves.

With Wolves?
I haven't seen it.

Ha! That's
sidelines talk.

You clearly don't understand
what we're up against.

The dogs have a breeding
program in the city.

They raised us
in cages!

Our bodies were
twisted then ripped

from our mothers!
[ Mup crying ]

I-I probably know
some of this.

They made me watch the
mup video. Three times.

"Mup" is the language
of the oppressor!

You're still trapped
in their way of thinking!

Again, just getting out
in front of this,

I'm not looking
to get caught up

in all the colonization,
eugenics, hierarchies.

Above my pay grade.

Humans kind of started this
cycle a billion years ago.

You don't want me
involved.

So this is your fault?

Not directly enough
that I need to fix it.

I just come from a world where
the humans are in charge

and we did this to dogs.

[ Gasps ]
He will help us!

I didn't say that!

Wahwah: Dogsss!

-Scared! Scared!
-Scared! Scared!

[ Mancors screeching ]

Shh.

Dog commander:
Search everywhere!

Do you have eyes
on Morty?

Commander:
Not yet.
Find him.

He said we were as*h*le,
r*cist piece-of-sh*t bigots!

[ Gasps ]

[ Mancors shrieking ]

♪♪

You f*cking leatherskins!

NOOOOOOO!
Ascot...

♪♪

Ascot...

[Weakly] You...

must lead...

Human booyyyy.

[ Mancor screams ]

Guh!

Just to clarify,
I k*lled that dog guy

'cause I'm pissed
at Snowball,

not because
of your conflict.

[ Whirring ]

-Take, take, take!
-Take, take, take!

-Take, take, take!
-Take, take, take!

Yes, General?
Awww! Morty!

I heard there was
a car crash.

Where are you?
I can come get you.

I'm coming for you,
Snowball!

You as*h*le, r*cist
piece-of-sh*t bigot!

[ Gasps ] I knew it!

[ Morty screams ]

Morty: Okay.
The main gate is here.

Guest house is here.

Remember,
Snowball is mine.

And, again, just so happens
both our agendas

involve storming
the palace.

Not your leader.
[ Mancors grunting ]

No. Just stop winking at me!

Don't wink
at each other, either!

I mean it!
I'm not a Christ figure!

Mancors...ready.

Good.
Let's just get in there.

It's time to let
Snowball know...

he's been a bad dog.

[ Smooth jazz music plays ]

Uh, sir,
how can I help you?

Jerry! Man, am I glad
to see you!

Uh, is your skin moving?

Yeah...

Jerry, this is Carl.
Carl Nipslip...

Carl, I just gotta tell you,
you're f*cking bald.

And I hate bald dudes.

[ Laughs ]
I love this guy!

[ All laugh ]

I hear you're nervous
about working with us, Carl.

I used to feel nervous.
Now I literally eat fear.

Let's have a drink,
you f*cking p*ssy.

Three martinis.
I already ordered for us.

Wow. Yeah.

Oh, my God.

That was what I wanted!
How'd you know?!

'Cause you're a drunk.
And I know what you want.

I know
what customers want.

They want to be told
what they want.

Frankly, I-I'd sign the
paperwork right now.

I would definitely.
But you need to meet --

[ Clears throat ] You need to
meet the board in New York.

Take me there.

Jerry!
What are you doing?!

And why'd you tell me to
bring my pregnant wife?!

[ Screaming ]

I was supposed to
get an epidural!

[ Alarms blaring ]

[ Screaming ]

I induced your labor
with that barrel roll.

Now I'm going to
deliver your baby.

Just like I'll deliver
visibility to Nipslip Vodka.

That company
is your baby, Carl.

I understand you.

-Incredible!
-We're in freefall!

I can't fix it! Waaaa!

Good.
What's your name?

Ellen.

It's time to push, Ellen.

We're gonna crash
while you create life.

Blood. Fear.
Darwinism.

I think I want
to be your wife.

Me too!

[ Screaming ]

[ Squish ]

I'll name her Jerry.

Get her
a stock portfolio.

She entered
the jungle today.

The grind never stops.

You are all my wife now!

[ All screaming ]

Come on!
We have to keep moving!

[ Mancors shrieking ]

Help? Help?

My God. An entire army.
Right under our feet.

[ Drums playing ]

[ Applause ]

♪♪

[ Mancors shrieking ]

Morty: Free them all!

♪♪

-Take, take, take!
-Take, take, take!

Ugh!

[ Zapping ]

Ohh. I thought
they'd be more helpful.

City living.

Yeah, these guys
do not get g*ns!

[ Dogs barking ]

Wahwah: Flee!

♪♪

To the palace!

They're using our
own suits against us!

They tried
putting mups in them!

Snowball: Where is he?
Where is Morty?!

[ Rumbling ]

Morty: SNOWBALLLLL!!!!!

♪♪

Titus: Oho! Little Morty!
You're all worked up!

Does someone
need a nap? Aah!

Snowball:
Morty. My old master.

Have you come to swat me
with a newspaper?

[ Morty screams ]

We were best friends,
Snowball!

You tried
to have me k*lled!

How could I
trust you, Morty?!

You recoil
at my civilization.

You attempt to leave?

How much more avoidant
could I have been?!

Typical human. Afraid to
bark what you truly feel!

Typical canine.
Full of shame

but still sh1tting
on the carpet!

Snowball: This world
is not your carpet!

I've been saying that!

I just came here to spend
some time with my dog!

Snowball: There it is, then.
The truth. "Your" dog.

We could never be equals.
[ Morty screaming ]

You cursed me
with intelligence.

You sent me
to this nightmare planet

with weird,
ironic humanoids.

[ Grunts ]

Was I your dog then,
Morty?

You're right!

[ Grunts ]

But you're my dog now.

[ Mancors shrieking ]

Snowball: Dogs! Help!

Morty: Everyone stop!
Or the emperor dies!

Oh. O-o-oka-okay. Good.

Well, was kind of all
I wanted to achieve, so...

Didn't -- Didn't really have
a solution ready to go.

Wasn't even gonna k*ll Snowball.
I was -- I was bluffin'.

Um, just need someone
to take me home now.

-Leader?
-No.

Again, not setting up
a government

or ushering a new age
of righting old wrongs --

Then WAAAAAAAAAAAR!!

What? Wait. No!

[ Morty screaming ]

Snowball:
Morty! My panic room!

[ Beeping ]

[ Baby crying ]

Unh! Jerry!
You're crazy!

I haven't enjoyed a pitch
this much since the '70s

when they pitched me
cocaine!

You can't buy
nights like this, Carl,

but you can make them...
with Nipslip Vodka.

Hold the baby.

My life is yours.

k*ll me
if you want to.

Do it! Please!

Not here. There.

Jerry, your --
your clothes.

True advertising
is uncensored.

Be uncensored
with me, Carl.

Oh, I love it!
I love it! I love you!

I hope this doesn't trigger
any pitch-k*lling insecurities

about the way
I look naked.

[ Grunting ]

[ Vomits ]

Consume me.

Let me take communion
from your body.

I love you!

Space Beth: Holy sh*t!
He's worming out!

How do we save him?

Save him? He's perfect!

He's hired!

Screw the board!
He's got the account!

I'm hired? I did it?

No! No! Too much relief!

The worms need more!

What's happening? Why are the
worms wriggling toward us?

I'm not that scared.

Oh, wait. Are you afraid
of Jerry getting a job?

I dunno. I'm used to him
being around.

H-He's part
of the wallpaper.

[ Vomits ]

[ Worm squeaks ]

Grab the incidentals!
Bob: Whoa!

[ Rick mumbles and grunts ]

♪♪

[ expl*si*n ]

Cool bubble. You need
help marketing that?

Only if you
put Jerry on it.

Uh, done.

[ Groans ]

Oh, just make sure
there's enough of him

to go around, huh?
[ Laughs ]

Jerry, you start
on Monday.

Congrats, hon!

[ Groans ]

Sweet Marie
would have loved this.

Who?

[ Rumbling ]

Is there something
wrong with dogs?

I was just trying
to be like you.

I'm so ashamed,
Morty.

Oh, Snowball!

Humans are ashamed
all the time.

You guys
used to be wolves.

Humans, we -- we used
to be sub-hyena.

I think we invented shame
and judgment to cope.

I suppose no creature
is perfect.

Yeah, if we put giraffes
in charge,

they'd just invent, you know,
neck racism, probably.

[ Chuckles ] They do have
those necks, don't they?

Haha. Yeah.

Maybe our species can be
self-conscious together.

[ Beep ]

[ Dog barking ]

Snowball:
Rick? I can explain.

-Easy, buddy.
-Whoa. What happened here?

Four days of civil w*r.

I never took
a moral stance,

though I resisted
at every turn.

Y-Y-You would have been
so proud of me!
Really?

Couldn't pin me down to
nothing. Totally sidelined it.

Hahaha! Good boy.

So, should we just leave it
like this, then, or...?

I feel bad
for Snowball.

He -- He built a monorail,
and now it's all blown up,

a-and everyone's dying.

Well...

Dogs and worms, baby.

I guess every conflict can
be solved with free narcotics.

What a lesson.

Oh, hey.
What happened with Dad?

Did -- Did he
get that job?

[Burps] Advertising
people are perverts.

So no?
Yes.

Alright!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

So it's all hands
on deck this week.

Jerry! We're throwing darts
at the interns!

Get in here!
Yes, sir!

Boy, I really set
a weird bar for myself.

Sorry. I gotta
wrap this up.

But I wish every client
was as chill as you guys.

I love working
on this account.

Ad dog:
You're the man, Jerry.

-This guy. Sell anything.
-Glug! Ug!

Did you get any of that?