01x01 - Ugly Beagle Meets Pig Dog

[bunniefuu]

Come on. This is a story of

a dog named Buddy lost on the

mean streets of Hollywood trying to get

home to his own in Jersey and

a bulldog named Wolf, who's always got

his back When my dogs that. Come

on. Yeah.

Put my dog down.

Courtney, love your work.

Three-year ohh.

Hey dog catcher from Fat Slob. You sure

can't hop a fence but I am glad I ran

into you. Any chance you've seen my owner

a goofy looking?It's kind of

dumb. Put

you to sleep right now. Ohh. In that case

let me get a wake up call for 11:15.

What's up?

He decorated this joint. Okada A

conehead. That thing come with XM or

Sirius? Ohh great. Give it up for

Destiny's Child everybody. Would you

girls get back together? I'm just playing

Dobermans. I love you guys. Look at

your back up a little. Your breath

smells like.

We don't know whether to eat you or

mount you. Mount me.

Looks good.

What's it to you?

We were in the Army together. He was

a b*mb sniffer. That dog is an American

hero. Ain't that right, Captain?

The United States Marines Corporation the

back off fools. That mutt is

special forces.

Great to see you too again Private

Muffin. Don't ever call me Muffin. Muffin

is my sl*ve name. My real name

is Wolf Easy Big dog. Who could

forget you? Even your tail is fat.

Seriously, how's the diabetes breaking

up? 40 brands we got.

No, it's that Lindsay Lohan, what's left

of her.

Celebrity doggy evening later and I need

a couple of the most pathetic looking

animals you got. I was feeling or was

she had big teeth but now it's like

she got more viruses than Windows XP.

I'll take the fat one, I'm the ugly

one.

I catch either of you on

the streets again. I'm putting you

down. Excuse

me, I'm allergic to ****** ****. Let's

go muffin.

If you speed it up a little, I'll make a

contribution to your deodorant fund. My

famous friends don't like to be kept

waiting.

Anyway, thanks for saving me from the

Dobermans. Why exactly

are you going around helping mutts you

know now? Because buddy my brother, I

believe we can no longer live in a

dog eat dog world where humans are the

real enemy. I dream of a day with

all dogs chewed through the lease of

oppression and straight so inherit the

palms canines.

Don't. Don't matter. Be

free at last.

Let's get one thing straight. I'm not

astray. I'm lost. My owner Jeffrey and I

came here on our family vacation. We're

playing Frisbee in the park. Suddenly I

got distracted by a squirrel. And then it

got dark and I got scared and I

was cold. And then I saw a pigeon

eat. That was pretty cool.

All I wanna do is get back to Jeffrey.

He's my best friend.

Anything.

I couldn't drop a log on the

carpet without getting my nose rubbed in

it. Help. I'm a fugitive, I can't

be owned.

There's a group of people in front of the

car. Miss Lohan. Ohh. Did they want to

take my picture? No, they're just trying

to cross the street.

I've heard.

Please.

Well, I guess we could add Driver to her

long list of no talents. Lance is about

to win another one. How does he do it?

Ohh no.

I love this place at the drive through.

Now.

Hi girls, sorry I'm late. Traffic was

m*rder.

Nicole.

Thanks. 10 more pounds and I'll be down

to my birth weight. Ohh. Richie, she used

to be on The Simple Life and heroin.

Yeah, she made Paris Hilton look smart.

So, Nicole, who are you engaged to this

week? I haven't met him yet, but my

publicist says I'm totally in love with

him.

What's OC stand for on crack? Never

work in the game Hangman by the

way, let's say you're engagement ring.

Mary Kate, I can't believe you're

smoking. Do you know how many calories

are in that cigarette? That's it.

Olsen twins. They're billionaires.

Ohh really, Mary Kate, you're going back

to NYU?Ohh,

you bought NYU?

Awesome.

Misha's right. We should celebrate.

Let's eat.

How classy. Lunch at the IV.

Human rights.

Somebody please take on these.

Well. Looks like I'm not

in Jersey anymore. Just, you know, the

carpet to me.

Wow, wow, wow.

Look at this.

Barbies.

I'm going to use them.

In other words.

Check out Smile. How can we

take it home? And she can.

Smooch laying around the house now.



Umm.

Angelina Jolie.

You remind me of very

starving children, Governor. I'm adopting

these two. Maddox will adore

you. What's a Maddox?

Yeah.

Come meet your new pants.

You know our disdain canine human

cohabitation. But a month could get used

to this wrong. Whatever second I find

a ride back to Jersey. I am

History 101 now, you 2 take it

easy on my son Maddox. He's my

soul.

OK, so where the hell is the kid?

Hopefully back to Cambodia. Shorty needs

to cut back on the Fruity

Pebbles. Understand your pain. Your

buddy Maddox also taken from homeland.

Big lip lady walked into orphanage

sick. Maddox with fruit roll up.

Wait, how did you know my name? How

did you know I'm not from Hollywood?

Nadex know all.

Stop.

Look like.

Sleepy.

Like. Guest room.

I hope they eat the goats before they get

to us.

Office.

Angie armed rebels are about to hijack a

shipment of baby formula headed for the

Sudan. What do we do?

There's some paparazzi infiltrating the

compound. What to do?

Negative.

It's always good to have aspirations,

kid. This is

where it all happens. Bedroom.

My big lip lady. Weird

to see it empty now.

Maddox retrieval weekly allowance.

See.

If I can get my paws and that kid's toy

chest, I'll be able to buy my way back to

Jersey. Yeah, but if we get busted, we're

back on the streets and then dog catchers

gonna be hunting for our *****. Just like

he's been doing since I was a punk.

Boy,

boy.

I'm warning you buddy.

Come on, we're about to pull off the

biggest heist in canine history. We're

gonna rob the richest brat in Hollywood.

You with me?I

got your back straight. I'm not

astray.

He's playing tour of duty with the

Earthquake crew. This is our only chance.

If I would have turned around right now,

I mean, when I see that little thing

that's called me holding that sword that

k*lled Bill.

We were just looking for you, baby.

We're in here trying to eat this toy

chest full of cash. You should have seen

a scrapping with them. Even his house dog

here got his bite on.

Ohh no, that's how you come

down on your own brother. Whatever

happened to family? You man, that's

cold. No need for ugly Beagle

to steal money. Maddox gladly buy

your plane ticket back to homeland.

You get to play frisbee with Jeffy again.

Yes, but first you must prove

loyalty to men over beast. Could

have screwed them up.

Man or beast?

Listen, kid, I wanna get back home, but

not if it means neutering the only dog

that's been nice to me. Okie, Dokie.

Bad dogs bad.

Did the scary dogs hurt

you?Love big lip

lady.

I found little Zamboni crawling around in

the bushes again, trying to escape.

Brad, I want you. I

want me too.

Let's make some more babies.

My God.

Make it last.

You stink worse than his last three

movies.

Damn. Their

own ba*ls.

Brad.

Is that your Oscar? The only way you're

ever gonna get one?Angie,

I can't perform with those stupid dogs

staring at me.

Ohh ohh my like

my beautiful leg ohh

gotta break the skin.

Fight Club my asss.

That's it I'm done

with these filthy strays.

Out OWT out. Ohh

screw you. Home Wrecker.

Hahaha.

You know, till I came to Hollywood, I

always thought man was our best friend.

Tell you what, buddy, I hope you find

your owner. If you help me stay away from

mine. I got your back. Well.

He's still breathing, Katie.

I love you.

Hello.

Come on.

OK.

Put my dog back.

Enough with the bread already.

Come on.

Yeah. Dog.