Hello, I'm John Bishop,
and this is a caravan.
Welcome to Top Gear: From A To Z.
Once upon a time, Top
Gear was a bit... dull?
Doors very wide, 70% of the
passenger compartment...
Then, in 2002...
all that changed.
A new team rolled onto
the set, doing 120,
and Top Gear became
something else entirely.
Whoa-oh-oh.
Into fourth.
A car show that refused
to be a car show.
I can just see sky, sea, sky, sea.
A BBC success story that never
felt... well, very BBC.
If anybody has an objection to
what we're doing here, do, please,
feel free to keep that
objection to yourself.
This is the definitive guide to
that Clarkson,
Hammond and May era,
an era defined by moments
of soaring ambition,
ludicrous risks...
I am now terrified.
And utter, utter silliness.
James and Richard think it's
all over. And they're right.
boundaries to the limits
and quite a long way beyond.
Car shows would never
be boring again.
We are away.
Over the next 26 letters, we're
going to look at what it was
that made Top Gear
so extraordinary.
Let's start with a little
reminder because A is for...
I am an alien.
I am a driving doll.
What is Top Gear?
What is Top Gear?
Top Gear, entertainment show.
A bizarre telly phenomena.
Oh, God.
You can't describe Top
Gear in three words.
Big. Bad. Bawling.
I wasn't expecting that.
Schoolboy stupid?
This is bloody brilliant.
Infuriating.
- We welcome h*m* couples.
- Yeah. We do.
We particularly like
the l*sbian sort.
Oh, God.
Shocking.
Pure entertainment.
Controversial.
Guess what, you're
in a Hick town, man.
We're going to die now.
Experimental.
A fun, wild ride.
Informative?
There is still room in the boot
for a zebra's head.
Informed a bit. Educated
ever so slightly.
But really entertained.
I am king of the forest.
This is fast.
Why don't all cars have no doors?
The thing about the world's
most popular car show
is that it wasn't really
about cars at all.
It was about three mates having
a laugh, and enjoying the time
of their lives, mucking about on a
grand scale and
getting away with it.
The team had a very simple mantra:
it had to be big, it
had to be stupid,
it had to be almost impossible.
Ambitious but rubbish.
Right, chaps, we've
got to get that...
to jump further than him
in the Top Gear Winter Olympics
Ski Slash Car Jumping Champion.
The wall's going to be needed.
We were a bit short.
I think we probably
lie to ourselves
and say it's about the cars,
but, really, it's just about
three fun people c*ck around.
Yes. We're still here.
It worked. It worked. It worked.
We went down a weir.
- And we're alive.
- What a machine.
It's the things that
kids would love to do,
but they know that it's far too
dangerous to even think about it.
And it's things that adults think
it's just so crazy that...
I'd love to watch
somebody try and do it.
Do you want to just
sh**t from in here?
Would that be more comfortable?
They've just got the
job we all dream for
when everyone else is, you
know, stuck doing a 9-5 job,
they've just been given a budget
to just go and mess around.
What you're witnessing
here, viewers,
is the maiden voyage of the
world's first caravan airship.
Everybody wins. Driving is more
fun, caravanning is more exciting.
I think, you know, the
best British stuff
includes a very healthy
sense of, being able
to laugh at yourself.
Being able to accept...
er, failure.
It's going down.
No.
Mayday.
Oh, bloody hell, stop.
Stop. Stop.
So, in order for those
real high peak moments,
we have to spend a lot of time...
in the terrible troughs.
And, so, I think
this is a show that
kind of celebrates those troughs.
In 2007, they almost
overreached themselves.
The task was simple.
Take three celebrities
to the Brit Awards
in chauffeur-driven limousines.
But what do you do if all the
limos in town are booked? Simple.
You make your own and you
stretch them to breaking point.
Oh, my God.
Hello.
- Mr Lemar?
- Yes.
My name's May, I'm your
chauffeur for the day.
Ok.
The question I get asked
mostly, wherever I go,
more than songs, more than
music, more than anything,
is was it true what
happened to me on Top Gear?
This is your car.
Oh, my God.
This is your luxury
limousine transportation.
It's not what I had in mind.
I saw the limo, and I thought...
is this... is this what it is?
I thought, ok, prepare
yourself, you
know, for what is about to happen.
Oh.
Why's it doing that?
- This is the intercom.
- Yes.
You press that button
if you want to
talk to me. If it starts to rain,
don't press it, because
you'll get electrocuted.
- Are you comfortable?
- No.
I just remember so many people
with cameras, like, "Ah, what's
going on here with this fancy...?"
I'm not sure if you
can call it a car.
It was a cut and shut, really.
It was two cars welded together.
The reason this car will go around
these very small corners is
because you can steer it from
both ends, but I'm afraid
I'll have to ask you to sit
in the Alfa Romeo and steer.
I just thought
what... has gone on?
- Turn left.
- Right. Left?
Yes, your left.
- My left?
- Yep.
That's it. That's
perfect, you see?
Straight around a very tight bend.
You see, now, a normal limousine
wouldn't go around
like that, would it?
Sorry about the fan thing,
trying to chat you up there.
That was a bit
awkward for you, I'm
sure, but... I can't hear you.
Ooh.
You're crushing it. There's
nothing wrong with it. Shush.
We need to straighten up a
bit, so we're crabbing.
Well, I can't, because the
old wheel thing is a bit...
I did think, wow, you know,
I don't know how I got into
this scenario, or why,
but here I am and
let's just get to
the end and then go to the Brits.
There is a small issue with the
congestion charge because,
as I'm sure you know, the camera
records the rear view of the car.
Yeah.
But when they look
at the photographs,
it will give the registration
end of the Saab,
but the photograph will
show the front of an Alfa.
So, it will look
as though somebody
with the wrong sort of car
for the numberplate has
reversed into London.
I can't make this
turn, Chris, at all.
Look where you're going.
Oh, my God. Richard,
you're the worst driver.
Sorry.
Whoa.
I'm going to be an hour late
or something like that.
First time I'm
nominated, Best Male
in the UK. The Best Male. Come on.
Where are you going?
Surely, sir, in the
music business,
it's fashionable to be quite late.
Nobody ever turns up on time.
There's fashionably late,
and there's stupidly late.
Ah, now I'm going to
let my customer out.
No, on the other side.
On the other side.
Sorry about the ladder thing.
The steps weren't ideal.
I'm always asked,
you know, "Oh, was
it true what happened at the end?
"Why did you storm
out of the car?"
I think, if we go right, I
can go around the back.
What do you mean right?
- People tweet me on Twitter.
- If we go right...
Are you doing this intentionally?
"Can't believe
you're such a jerk."
Have you come to mess up my day?
Come on, where's my Bafta?
I'm not taking this any
more. Open this damn door.
For crying out loud.
Now I'm here today,
and you've asked
me this question. I don't get it.
You know... I don't understand.
You keep going on about this.
I've just had enough, man.
Forget it. Forget it.
A Scottish lady called
Jackie Stewart wrote to us
saying that...
she could get anyone of us
to any racetrack in the
country in any car,
get us to set our best time,
and then, she could get us to
knock 20 seconds off that time.
He.
It's a he. Jackie Stewart's a he.
Righto. Anyway...
Anyway, the point is we decided
to accept his challenge.
Only we gave him the most
difficult pupil of them all.
Him.
C is for James May.
But that begins with a J,
so we're going to call him
by his official title...
You know they call
me Captain Slow?
- Oh, do they?
- Yeah.
Well, I've seen the bigger
guy drive very aggressively.
And not very well, I thought.
Who wouldn't give their right arm
to be taught how
to drive a vehicle
by the legend that's
Jackie Stewart?
Do you think you can do it?
Well, never having driven with you
before, it's difficult to say, but
I'd be surprised
if you didn't turn
out to be better
than the other two.
I like that.
Sod it. Now, come on.
Captain Slow was not a brave
driver. Just kind of...
really relaxed and kind of,
"Oh," loose type of guy.
Now you're going to go
short of room here.
James is serious.
He brings in a more
kind of practical side.
This is probably what will
happen to me in hell.
A TVR, a racetrack and
a pedantic Scotsman.
It's very difficult to
consume information
when you're on your limit.
And that's what he was
on most of the time.
In, in, in, in, in, in.
Brake. Brake. Brake.
I'm busy trying to
talk him through it.
Brake now, brake now, brake now.
Because the king of
the late breakers
is not always the fastest
around the corner.
Get all the work done,
so that you can concentrate on
finding speed in the corner.
All of that took a lot of time.
And, in fact, we
filmed the entire day.
From nine o'clock in the morning,
it went on till I think
off. Brake. Down a gear.
Keep your head together.
Too busy. You feel the
car responding badly?
Turn it in, turn it in,
turn it in. Power on full.
You want him to do really well.
You can't help but love James,
because everything he stands for,
"You know what, I'll
still give it a go,
I'll do my best, but if I lose,
hey-h*, we've had a bit of fun."
Oopsa-daisy.
Don't put the power on till you
know you never have
to take it off.
Now you've got to concentrate.
You're not using the same
road as you were before.
Get your head together.
That day, in certain corners,
well, in certain laps,
Captain Slow was actually
creaming it really well.
Go on, full power. Yes,
yes, yes. That's good.
So, he was no longer Captain Slow.
- Good. That's good.
- Yes.
I'm sitting at home thinking, you
know, I'm not a racing driver.
I can't drive fast. You don't
get the opportunity to do it,
so everybody's thinking, "Well,
I'm James May. That could be me."
Good lap so far, keep going.
In more, in more. Tease it out.
Full power. Full.
You've just done 2 minutes, 6.74.
- Hang on, let me just...
- You've done it.
Yes, yes. I knew it.
So, does Sir Jackie
reckon he's made James
a better driver than
the bigger guy?
Jeremy thinks he's
the best driver.
Captain Slow, I think, will
remain to be Captain Slow.
And the other wee guy, a
man of average height...
he could turn out to
be the best driver.
For their Bolivia special,
the team drove along the
Camino de la Yungas.
Which sounds sort of...
- Oh.
- It goes by another name, too...
The world's most dangerous road
claims around 300 lives a year.
In 2009, it was nearly 303.
This is insane.
Whoa.
The grasses stick up and
you don't necessarily see
what a long way down it is, then
you get one of those little gaps,
and then you just see down
and it is a long way.
That splashing sound was the
BBC health and safety manual
landing in the river.
Oh, God, that's real fear now.
I've watched and thought
sometimes they are going
to go a bit too far.
And, you know, there's always...
that element of jeopardy
I think helped the programme.
God Almighty, that is high.
Oh, gee, look at
that. That's narrow.
There are elements of
real drama in there.
You were a bit on the edge
of your seat thinking,
"This isn't going to end well."
and by not ending well, I mean,
you know, bad things
could happen here.
Oh, God. Crosses.
They'd just end up in situations
where they just take it...
They push it just that
little bit too far.
And, then, underneath
the waterfall,
I learned why there were
so many crosses up here.
Oh, my God.
No.
Oh, my...
Stop there.
And it was literally
just crumbling.
The ledge, crumbling away.
I mean, he's pretty brave.
That is going, that is going.
Crazy. Crazily brave.
You don't get a second chance.
You don't get a second chance.
I'd like to be hugging the inside.
But, er... but yeah,
pretty amazing.
Bloody hell.
That's why it's the Death Road.
And that's why we love Jeremy.
Whoo. No. Unbelievable.
Moving on now to
brown rice ECO-cars.
Jeremy is a divisive
figure, isn't he?
Some people think he's
like a true British hero,
and some people think
he's an absolute c*ck.
This car would be less
annoying to ECO-mentalists
if its engine ran
on sliced dolphin.
One thing Top Gear
hasn't been known for
is its commitment to
saving the environment.
Because it hasn't got one.
I mean, it really hasn't got one.
Electric car sales
are down by half,
which must mean that loonies
are fewer and fewer between.
The future is definitely
electric cars,
because they're silent,
and that way Jeremy would
get to hear the sound of
his own voice even more.
They're all built in wheat-free
multi-ethnic factories with
one eye on Johnny Polar
Bear, but this just isn't.
Back in 2002, Jeremy might have
looked like he had a beard
nesting on top of his head,
but he was never going to win
an environmentalism award.
I think, next week,
we won't bother
doing anything to do with
the environment. In fact,
I think we might kick a couple of
barn owls to death just for fun.
Not happy with mooning the
environment from the back end
of the car, he sometimes had a
go with the front end as well.
This Somerset parish thought their
tree had been damaged by vandals.
It wasn't until they watched
Top Gear that weekend
that they realised
they were right.
Top Gear has always shunned
the likes of Greenpeace
in favour of not giving a
monkeys about the monkeys.
To prove this, they've
driven a Land
Rover up a virgin peak mountain,
hared across protected salt pans,
and driven a Toyota Hilux through
a polar bear's back yard.
They make you feel
very uncomfortable.
At least they make me
feel uncomfortable
when I see some of
the things they do,
and they make me feel slightly...
cross with myself, because
I've joined in the laughter,
and there's a little
bit of me that says...
That's not really funny, is it?"
Well, yeah, actually, it was.
Jeremy must be running on
whatever the equivalent of
empty is for a battery.
The only thing these
boys like to be
electric on a car is the windows.
This is the future
of motoring here.
Maybe the air con.
Anything else electric should
be replaced immediately with
something that needs petrol.
But in 2009, the boys realised
it was time to take the electric
car challenge seriously.
Well, all right. Not
that seriously.
You know that you're about
to see abject failure,
and utter humiliation which, of
course, is what
we're watching for.
It's all very simple, really.
I am in charge of the batteries
and the electric motor.
Clarkson is in charge, God help
us, of the bodywork and interior
and Richard Hammond is in charge
of the chassis and the brakes.
And there...
is the precious
chassis. That is the
basis of everything we're doing.
Doddle.
Look at this.
Batteries, but here's
the clever bit.
They are recharged by that.
That is a diesel generator.
That means that you'll never
run out of electricity.
Exactly.
It's a diesel electric, I got the
idea from old railway locomotives.
I think that that's where
they're very clever.
They can slip in that piece
of technical information
that would normally
bore people, you know,
unless you're really
interested in that,
in such a great way
that you don't realise
you're being educated.
Did I just say that
Top Gear educated me?
That's brilliant.
It's a hybrid. We've
built a Prius.
You don't think the producers are
messing with the
subtitles, do you?
No, they wouldn't do that.
Part of its genius was that
it looked so kind of like
an idea that you would cook
up in the cafe or the pub,
but you know behind the scenes...
and, you know, let's pay tribute
to what must have been and is
an exceptional production team.
How fast is that?
Barely ten.
You've built a car that
will only do 10mph?
Actually, that wasn't
such a bad thing,
on account of a design flaw
with Jeremy's shiny bonnet.
My head's being cooked in a box.
You do realise Oxford
loathes the motorcar,
but this one will be welcomed.
They will think that
it's the second coming.
Hippy, a hippy.
See the happy hippies.
Did you see the cyclist
smiling at us?
I would love them
to have something
that gives us some credibility
for sort of exploring the
electric car option,
but they ain't going to do
that, cos that's not them.
In the end, the boys decided
their hideous hybrid
was ready to sell
on the open market.
And that meant it had to pass
one or two safety tests.
This is designed to measure
how a car will stand up
to being sideswiped
by a bus or a truck.
Frankly, it was hard to see how
we could possibly pass this,
but then James came
up with a plan.
- Right, the camera...
- Yeah.
A plan that would fool even the
most astute EU bureaucrat.
- Action.
- Wow. Wow. Wow.
Pendulum.
Now our car is going to face
the fearsome pendulum test.
Wow. Wow. Wow.
Wow, indeed.
I love engineering, I love tech,
and it's unusual to
have a programme
that's involved with tech
that's that entertaining.
I think it must be
kind of great to
be in the Top Gear
ideas department,
if such a thing exists,
because, just having to
come up with new ideas for,
"What can we do to
cars this time?"
They seem to keep coming
up with amazing ideas,
but I suppose they do get
more and more ridiculous.
You're tempted to go further and
further with what you're doing.
I think Britain has always had
a great tradition of
pushing boundaries
with new technologies and I
think these three presenters
from Top Gear are absolutely in
that same vein of that tradition.
Who thinks of sending a
Robin Reliant into space?
I mean, it's just genius.
In 2007, Top Gear went where
no car show had gone before.
Clanburne Military Training
Ground, just off the A68.
Right, gentlemen,
what we want from you
is the most difficult type
of space rocket, a...
space shuttle.
If you can make all this work
and we can bring it into
this controlled landing,
we will probably get funding from
the EU for a proper space mission.
Have you got a spare 1 billion?
No, you see, that's why
we've come to you,
because you're from Manchester and
you'll be able to do it for 10/6d.
And there'll be as much
tea as you can drink.
No, no, no, no, you can't
do that with a car.
You can't do it with any car,
let alone a Robin Reliant.
It was the largest non-commercial
rocket launch in European history
and, as you'd expect,
it was ambitious.
- But rubbish.
- It is...
difficult in every single way.
As a rocket, it's the most
awful shape it could ever be.
But I thought the Robin was a
good place to start, because...
it's pointy at one end.
There is a potential for
disaster to strike at any moment
and genuine disaster,
it's not orchestrated by,
"Let's stop filming now
and start filming again."
So the big question...
will it fly?
If they were too easy,
everyone would just do them,
you know what I mean?
There wouldn't be this kind of
expectation or
surprise around them.
Oh, ladder's coming out.
Again, at NASA, they don't keep
a stepladder on the launch pad.
One small stepladder for...
James, stop laughing. They're
getting really cross.
But later, in our
suite at the local
Ritz-Sheraton, I
was a worried man.
- Hammond?
- What?
You know when we do
these big things,
they usually end in some
sort of massive disaster?
I'd quite like this one to work.
Oh, yeah.
Go on.
It's not come off.
Separate, separate.
Separate. 12,000.
Oho-h*. No.
That's why...
How are we going to use it again?
There was lots of news on Top
Gear, sometimes interesting news,
sometimes bad news,
and sometimes this.
Good news, because the Dacia
Sandero is on sale in the UK
and taking the nation by storm.
Great.
Now, the Mercedes SLS...
Good news, because
the Dacia Duster
has been named Budget 4X4
Tow Car Of The Year.
Great. Now, I've bought a bicycle.
- Oh, bad news.
- What?
- The Dacia Sandero, it's delayed.
- Oh, no.
Anyway, last week...
- Great news.
- What?
The Dacia Sandero, I've
got a new picture.
Anyway, I think we've had
more signposts sent in.
- Great news.
- What?
The Da...
The...
They know what it is.
- Good news, chaps.
- No, what?
- There's a new Dacia.
- Wahey.
Here it is, it's called the Lodgy.
That's a looker, isn't it.
Anyway, moving on...
I have bought you a Dacia Sandero.
I'm quite touched.
- That's fantastic.
- Can I drive it?
Yeah, why don't you
go off and drive it
- while we're putting these on?
- All right.
The Lamborghini is all very well,
that's like the ultimate
expression of what a car can be,
but this is the
essence of a car, all
the bits you need, nothing more.
No flim-flam. That is
an excellent present.
I don't know what he was
actually thinking of there,
cos his presents are
supposed to be irritating,
but that's not irritating.
That's superb.
- You're back.
- Yeah.
How is it?
Fun, great. Basic,
small, wroughty.
But you haven't got the
little side joke, have you?
What?
Well, you can't take
it back hand baggage.
I'll drive it back.
What, all the way?
Yeah.
It took two and a half
days to get here...
No.
Stop.
In series ten, the
team took part in
the Britcar 24-Hour Endurance Race
at Silverstone and this gave them
their toughest
challenge to date...
having to play nicely
with each other.
We arrived at Silverstone
assuming the Britcar 24
would be amateur event
for beginners like us.
We were badly wrong.
The other drivers were
chisel-jawed and battle-hardened.
They had blue-chip sponsors,
tonnes of equipment,
they'd turned up with laptops
and luxury motor homes
with girls in them.
Our motor home wasn't quite
as professional as that.
And nor was our catering.
Nor was our car.
Their particular car wasn't ready
for the start of the race.
That's their first major mistake.
You can't go to a race, which
you've known about for months,
and then find that
the car's not ready.
Whatever you do,
don't go downstairs
and look at the car.
It's got no front end,
no lights, no radiator,
no bumper, no splitter,
no front of the engine, no bonnet.
James will be exaggerating.
James isn't exaggerating.
And it's... and it's leaking.
It's very entertaining at
times, but you ask yourself
why you'd allow yourselves
to be put in that position.
The BMW that they worked on'
was far inferior
to everything else
that was out there. It was
just a bog-standard car.
It's just done a 2:17.
- No, I'm sorry, 2:16.
- Whoa.
He's just taken another
second off it.
So he's made up 20 places in...
One hour and 20 minutes.
My worry is now that he'll
be going too hard on it.
Endurance racing is a
complete team game
and the Stig is a very
good racing driver
and, as much as you'd want
to leave him in the car
for as long as possible,
nobody can drive that long.
You're not allowed to drive
a stint for that long.
Absolutely everything going past.
But never mind.
I didn't know it would take
this long for him to get round.
Thank you, doing my best.
A few minutes later, though,
something amazing happened.
I've overtaken someone.
Don't want you to get all daft and
giddy, ok? You just did a 2:24.
I'm f*cking loving this.
As night began to fall,
the sheer effort required for
endurance racing began to tell.
What you can't allow
for is tiredness.
We've all driven and know
what it's like to be tired.
That was very dangerous,
what they did.
The thing with fatigue is it
creeps up on you all of a sudden.
One minute, your
concentration's right on,
and through, maybe
you're dehydrated,
maybe you're hungry, your
reaction times slow right down.
Normally, I'd be on the phone to
him now being fatuous and stupid
and telling him he's Captain
Slow and he's got to hurry up,
but honestly, the absolute
last thing you want
is anyone clowning around on
your headphones, on your radio.
There's so much to think about.
Where's the corner?
Where's the other car?
What gear should I be
in? When do I brake?
I can't think about
being a TV presenter,
you can't think about anything.
Sorry, I'm off.
Even though the car was good
for another 90 minutes,
we had to rest James.
Driving at night and
driving in the rain
and driving with a whole load
of other people chopping you up
and then the really good guys...
whoa... getting past you,
and you staying out of
trouble, that's competition.
Because you are
right at your limit.
You know that,
one mistake, and you're dead.
And, in the case of
car racing, actually,
so could many other people be.
The human body shuts
down in darkness.
It's how we're designed
as human beings.
You're supposed to be
awake when it's light
and go to sleep when it's dark,
but if you try to push
through whilst you're tired,
whilst your brain's been
active all day long,
the chances are you're
going to come a cropper.
Guys...
I've binned it.
I'd say it was game over.
I'm sorry, lads.
I'm sorry.
Right, everyone who's
not involved, get back.
Sleep deprivation is incredibly
difficult to deal with.
It's used as a form of t*rture and
I understand that from sailing...
that you get to that point
where you are absolutely edge
and you have nothing else left
inside you and you
have to find more
and that's brutal.
It took nearly three hours to
get the car running again,
by which time we were
stone-dead last.
The field was now spread out,
but in the next three hours,
the Stig climbed eight places.
Then, when it was my
turn, the fog came.
I was completely blind.
f*cking Nora.
It's not glamorous.
Endurance racing is just all
about getting through the race,
it's about finishing.
Concentrate. I'm losing
my concentration.
Please, car,
please make it to the end
of this race, I beg of you.
Come on, car. Please make it.
This has been one of the best
Top Gear companions of the lot.
A ratmobile.
It wants to make the
finishing line.
It's there.
Yes.
You brilliant little car.
God, this is just brilliant.
That's absolutely epic.
Over the years, Top Gear
smashed up a lot of stuff.
I mean, let's face it,
smashing things up can be fun.
In fact, they smashed
up more things
than Jeremy Clarkson's
had hot dinners.
But in series three, they
met the Toyota Hilux,
the Terminator of the car world.
I really loved the Toyota pick-up
that they did everything to.
That was absolutely fantastic.
Ooh, deary me. That was
a bit uncomfortable.
Oh-oh-oh.
I had a Hilux. It was actually
the second car I ever had.
I thought they were brilliant
and it was great to see
one nearly destroyed.
It told you that the show
wasn't just going to be
about the high-end cars that you
could never possibly afford.
You can all own one
of these and, in
actual fact, you don't have to be
quite as violent with it.
That's got it.
They did absolutely everything
that they possibly can
to destroy this car and
it is indestructible.
Look what's happened.
This is the Severn Estuary,
home to the second-biggest
tide in the world.
That's why the RNLI have
tethered my car in place.
I'm not going to get
that out for hours.
Windscreen's still in.
But then, disaster.
The ropes tying it
down had snapped.
- It could be out in the channel.
- You may never see it ever again.
I don't think you've
quite got this.
We've got to get it back.
And it didn't turn up until the
tide had gone out
five hours later.
Well, the mechanic
has worked on it
now for 40 minutes or so, I think.
And, it's not looking good.
It seems, then, that, if you want
to k*ll one of these things,
the beach, the sea, salt water
is the answer.
Sorry.
I do not believe it.
When they do that so early
in the new Top Gear,
I think it was just perfect,
because it showed that it
wasn't just an hour solid
of boring car chat, or
boring reviews, or whatnot,
it was fun.
What do you have
to do to k*ll one?
All the way through, I thought,
"There is no way that that engine
is going to start now after this.
"There is no way," and
it was funny in the end.
You just think, "What do you need
to do to make it stop working?"
Is this it?
Come on.
That's just...
They could have probably just left
it parked in Glasgow city centre
on a Saturday night
and it wouldn't
be working come Monday morning,
so they didn't go the full hog.
Some vehicles are designed
to be driven slowly
by people wearing uniforms.
So, naturally, Top
Gear's pet hamster
and a bunch of touring car drivers
occasionally took
them to a race track
and floored them like
massive dodgems.
This is a pretty serious
scientific experiment,
so I have stressed
to the other drivers
in the strongest possible terms
absolutely no body
contact whatsoever.
He knows full well, as soon
as he's finished saying that,
there's going to be loads
and loads of contact.
Yeah.
Only a very small
minority of people
watch Top Gear for the actual
car reviews themselves.
It's just about entertainment,
it's about the way these guys
are driving buses and limos
round a track that looks
so dangerous, you think,
"How have the BBC sanctioned this
show?" It doesn't make sense.
It's so far away from what the
BBC's about that it just works.
When we have all the touring car
drivers in all of these vehicles,
we are there to basically
cause carnage...
and have loads and loads
of fun at the same time.
Huge slide from the limo.
That's incredible.
Richard's actually a good driver.
He actually understands
the limit of the car.
He knows when the
tyres are giving up
or whether it's
understeer or oversteer
and he's very brave
to race against us,
cos we're the best in Britain,
or the world, in touring cars.
Richard just puts his helmet on,
he's obviously talking to the
camera while going round
and we were like, "Wrrrr.",
trying really hard.
Whoa. The limo takes
himself off entirely.
We obviously try and make
things as safe as possible.
I mean, a good example was
the American New York taxi.
It's designed with a huge
bull bar on the front,
which made sure that, if it
went through a brick wall
or through a stretch
limo, cos there
might just be one
in front of you...
that the car didn't
come out like a banana.
Oh, my word.
The stairs in front of me now,
well, they're a bit of
an unknown... quantity.
Oh, my God.
We like contact, we like to hit...
And, er, and Richie gets stuck in.
Whoa.
Where did he come from?
You bloody idiot.
I thought the easiest
thing in the world
would be to roll a
double-decker bus.
You have no idea.
We put bags of sand
on the second floor.
Like, I can't remember how
many hundreds of kilos of sand
we put up there. We put
a lot of sand up there.
I was on dirt, so I had
to go left, then right,
and give it a bit
of a Scandinavian
flick and hit the bump.
In my first attempt, I got
it to about 40 degrees
and I thought, "It's going
to go, it's going to go,"
and my natural reaction was to put
lock on and put it back down,
cos it's how I've been brought
up, I can't let something roll
and I went like that I was like...
"I was supposed to roll that."
Wow, look at the single-decker
go. What a manoeuvre.
I had my old friend Anthony Reid,
who's in the single-decker
bus, who's actually going,
"What I'm going to
do is give you a
little tap from behind, like 2004.
Do you remember in the
British Touring Cars?
I'm going to give you a tap from
behind and see if that helps."
You're sitting, "Right,
mate, you nutter."
Sort of hanging on and
you think it's easy
to roll a double-decker bus.
It's not easy and you do need
help from your friends sometimes.
It was now all down to me, the
catering truck and the stairs.
Correction: make that me
and the catering truck.
Oh, that is the catering
truck out of it.
That is good news indeed. Yeah.
From now on, all airport vehicles
will be based on the fire engine,
which will be brilliant, as
long as there isn't a fire.
In keeping with the
show's green credentials,
Top Gear recycled a
lot of caravans.
They recycled them
into piles of rubble,
swept them up and
stuck 'em in the bin.
Oh.
Go on.
Yes. Ye-Es.
It was easy to k*ll a
caravan. Too easy.
After a while, the boys tired of
this senseless cycle
of destruction
and tried to make peace with
the enemy. "5mph maximum"?
- Well, that's about...
- Dream on.
James told Richard
and I to get out,
because he reckoned he could do
the parking thing more easily
if we weren't there to help him.
Now, let me think about this.
I've got to turn it
that way, that way...
That's good.
The only organic thing on Top Gear
was the chemistry between
the three presenters.
Unbelievably, it was four
series before someone thought
to put the three of them
together outside the studio.
The key to the show's success
is the personalities.
That was something which they
clearly couldn't cast originally.
It just evolved.
Ooh. Oh, dear.
Oh, my word.
Whoa. Whoa. Oh, my God.
Hang on, we've got to
put the legs down.
We're not brilliant
at this, are we?
They clearly, you know, bounce
off each other very well
and they kind of bring out
both the best and the
worst in each other.
Train.
It's peaceful.
It's not peaceful
and I don't like...
You aren't allowed to have a fire,
you aren't allowed
to play ball games,
you aren't allowed to play music,
you have to be in bed by 11,
you have to park within two feet
of a post, you have to keep quiet,
you can't have anything.
This is not a holiday.
It's a concentration camp.
But those rules are for
the benefit of everybody.
They bring strength through joy.
All of them together, it
seems to work, doesn't it?
It's like The Three Stooges.
Why is this good, Hammond?
- What, walking?
- Yep.
Because, well, it's bracing, it's
good exercise, you see stuff.
Look.
What am I seeing here
that's interesting?
I'm from Oxfordshire, which is
all green, I've come to Dorset
and it's all green.
It's a different sort
of green, though.
- It isn't.
- It is.
It just isn't.
Jeremy, Richard and James
have perfect comedy timing.
For three factual
presenters to have that
and that obvious
bond between them,
it's unique.
Look at that camper
van, what's that?
Ooh, good work, sir.
- It's a Westfalia.
- No... It is a Westfalia.
They're just like three completely
naughty boys at public school.
Jeremy, it's going to go and then
you'll break your
back in the night
and that'll wake everybody.
You two are sleeping
in the double bed.
I'm going to ring the
Daily Mail immediately.
Jeremy is the bully boy.
You've got the poor old
Hamster, who's a bit of a f*g,
and James May, who's the
goody-goody who the teacher loves.
Oh, good, a train.
Nice, that's nice. Listen.
How often is that going
to happen all night?
That's all right.
It's romantic.
Don't say things like that.
I'm on the same bed as you.
Well, I think the three of them
are definitely able to kind of...
amazingly, er, seem representative
of the British public.
Er... how they manage
to pull that off,
I have no idea, cos
they're all oddballs.
- Hello. How do you do?
- I'm Jeremy Clarkson. I know.
- This is Richard Hammond.
- I'm Richard, nice to see you.
They were family.
You know, you could catch up
with them week after week
and see what's developing,
see what's happening,
see what's going on in
their strange lives.
I can't come into your...
Jeremy, help me.
You're going to be taken
into a caravan. Let's go.
Don't follow them in there.
I'll just...
You can bring the dog in as well.
I really can't take
the dog in the...
Mummy.
No, you can take the
dog in as well.
Top Gear is an entertainment.
Oh, God. Richard.
What?
Richard, have you got
a fire extinguisher?
No, why?
They make you laugh
at silly things.
Obviously, they draw you in,
because they say, "We know
that you're bonkers about cars
and we're going to talk about
cars," but cars, in a way,
that's the excuse for what
they do, which is entertain.
- How do you put a pan fire out?
- Tea towel in water.
Richard, is there any water?
No, I used it all on my hair.
They provoke, and for all sorts
of reasons, that's fine,
but above all, they
make you laugh.
If they didn't make you laugh,
it wouldn't work, but they do.
It is no longer a pan
fire, it's a van fire.
- It is as well.
- You are joking.
How in the name of...?
God in heaven. Put
it out, put it out.
- Use the oven glove.
- The cushion's on fire now.
This episode prompted over 200
complaints about
cruelty to caravans,
presumably from people who'd
never seen Top Gear before.
Richard, don't go back
in there, the gas.
All things considered, how do
you think the holiday went?
I think well.
Top Gear is simply showing you
things that you can't have.
Sometimes, Top Gear like
to drop all the silliness
and get in a very fast car
and drive it around a very
fast racetrack very fast
and very, very loud.
Let's make some noise.
Oh, that is breathtaking.
Braking.
That is acceleration
unlike anything else.
I love looking at
glamour sometimes.
Does it matter that they're
talking about a car?
Yeah, it does. That's what
the programme stands for.
You know, it's called Top Gear,
that's what you turn it on for.
But they made the
car look beautiful.
It was very superhero-like
and the car was the star.
It's that electric
power that gives
it so much punch off the line.
I have 500 foot pound
of torque at 800 rpm...
To present any show, you have to
love what you're talking about.
You have to have an appetite
for it and you can safely say
these boys have an
appetite for cars.
It just wakes up,
it's like a sprinter,
falling out of bed and going
straight into a world record
while all the others are
still eating cornflakes
and thinking about having a poo.
If you look at the
cinematography, it's stunning.
It isn't just a
straightforward car show.
There is an element
that you're watching
a beautifully-crafted
movie as well.
The photography is fantastic.
And quite pioneering, too.
I'd not seen cameras used like
that just on motoring shows.
It's time to attack some corners.
Hell's bells.
That grip.
This thing corners
and I mean flat.
Totally flat.
He's very passionate. I
do like to see that.
Even if it's something I
don't give a monkey's about.
I still like to see
people being passionate.
The back end breaks away
like a rear-wheel drive car.
A lot of people might watch that
and go, "That's ridiculous.
It's only a car."
until you start to realise
what a thrill it is
driving an incredible car and kind
of throwing it about a racetrack.
It is an amazing experience.
It's almost like a
life-affirming moment for them.
If they made those same films and
it was about a Renault Clio,
would I watch it? No.
Supercars are one thing, but what
about the man in the street?
Occasionally, Mr Needham wrote in
suggesting that a car review show
should review cars, sensible cars,
that sensible people like
Mr Needham would drive.
Ever willing to oblige,
Jeremy hit the road in a
sensible car and reviewed it.
Renault's sporty
little Twingo 133...
I think other car shows are
boring. Top Gear is fun.
It's so nimble and agile, it's...
it's like driving a mosquito.
Not literally, of
course, Mr Needham.
It's impossible to drive an
insect and cruel to even try.
Well, the purpose of Mr
Needham is just to give them
the platform for their jokes.
Well, it's got a radio,
air conditioning,
electric windows and
electric door mirrors.
But I'm afraid to say,
no parachute system.
So, if you wake up one morning
to find that someone has
put your car on top of a
Harland and Wolff crane,
you're never going to
get it down again.
Bad mark for Renault there.
If you want sensible
reviews then, you know,
you read car reviews in... in
newspapers or magazines. I mean,
you know, if you
want an alternative
review, you watch Top Gear.
You would be amazed how often
I get asked that question,
so, to get an answer, I've come
to the network of sewage tunnels
underneath Belfast and, obviously,
for the next few minutes,
we've asked the people in the
city to, cross their legs.
God.
If this goes wrong, I
really am in a world of...
Here we go.
Yes.
Here you are, Mr Needham.
If you're looking to drive upside
down through the
tunnels of Belfast,
Twingo 133, absolutely ideal.
When it's one particular car
that they're reviewing,
like the Renault Twingo, which was
hilarious, I think, you know,
you've got to give
the show scope to
do it in a funny
and different way.
Obviously, it's not
a very large car,
but if you push those rear
seats all the way back,
there is enough room
back there for children
and then, if you pull them
all the way forwards...
there is enough space in
the boot for... Ross Kemp.
So, Ross, you ok in there?
A bit of a squeeze,
but quite comfy.
Quite comfy? Good. Good
mark for Renault there.
When you're asked to go
on those shows, you know,
and kind of laugh at
yourself, there's some shows
that you would do
it for and there's
others that you won't, you know?
And the ones that
you do it for are
the ones that have
got credibility.
Top Gear had tons of credibility.
That really hurt.
Come on.
Being late for a ferry
can drive a man mad.
Just because it's left does not
mean I'm going to give in.
When I get out of here,
I'm going to hurt you.
Here we go.
You happy now, Mr Needham?
Well, that's it for part one.
We're out of petrol, but
we'll fill up for part two,
when, amongst other things,
you'll see a very good-looking
English comedian...
Go on, son.
With fine teeth and a
strange Northern accent...
Get a load of that, Stiggy boy.
Do one of the fastest
laps in Top Gear history.
There's loads of other stuff, too.
But, to be honest, mine is
the best bit. See you then.
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00x01 - Top Gear: From A-Z - Part 1
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The hosts talk about everything car-related. From new cars to how they're fueled, this show has it all.
The hosts talk about everything car-related. From new cars to how they're fueled, this show has it all.