31x03 - Episode 3

[bunniefuu]

Hello, welcome to Top Gear.

It's a very exciting show tonight,
as we're doing something

we haven't done in a while.

It's time to dust off
the old suitcase and work out

what colour passport we need
because we're off abroad.

CHEERING

See, a while back, we got talking
about the noble tradition

of the great British expedition.

Scott of the Antarctic,
Ranulph Fiennes,

cruising with Jane MacDonald.

Proper pioneering British stuff.

And it got us wondering on a budget
of a few thousand quid,

which would be the best British cars
to take on an expedition.

So we each went out and bought one.

However, the world being
how it was back in July,

there wasn't many options on offer,

but we did find one place -
a land not far from home -

with all the terrain you need
to test an expedition vehicle.

So we packed our bags
and shipped our cars...

..to Iceland.

Whoohoo.

Wild, rugged,

and breathtaking to behold,

this isolated mound
of volcanic rock

in the middle
of the North Atlantic Ocean

packs more landscape
onto its shores

than countries ten times its size.

To test the mettle of a budget
British expedition vehicle,

Iceland is the ultimate
proving ground.

Look at the colours!

Greens.

Have you ever seen
a glacier that big?

I've not, no. I've eaten a few.

To be honest, I can't believe
Flintoff's not here.

He would love this.

Unfortunately, the day before
we travelled,

Flintoff had been forced
to self-isolate,

so couldn't join the trip.

Oh, I spy shipping containers.

But while Fred hadn't made it,
his wheels had.

Do you know this is the thing.

How have they got there?
Who's brought them in?

Now, obviously, these are sealed up.
Yeah.

It's a bit like looking
in someone's mail list.

But I think it's what
he would have wanted.

Shall we open his up?

I'll open.
You say what lies within.

Yes. Ah, of course.

He's gone classic.

Oh!

It's a manual!

I've never driven
a manual Range Rover before.

A diesel manual.

Classic. Classic.

Wow. Get over here.

He was always going
to go with that, weren't he?

It's a diesel to start with.
That's very rare.

These are very desirable,
and it's a Manuel.

Well, look at the wand on that!

This is a lovely car.

I mean, it's the choice.

When most people go,
"Well, it's an expedition.

"It's off road. I'm going to go one
of these." But it's a bit obvious.

I know it is a bit obvious,
but it's good.

It's a great solution.

Tell you what, Pad, it's got
the velour upholstery as well.

I'm jealous.

If he's not here to drive that,

and I prefer that to mine,
can I have that?

Well, I'm already bored with this

because it's just
the obvious choice.

And you're learning prepositions -
"bored with."

Before you met me, you'd have said
"bored of." Prepositions.

That's... You see, you're learning.
I've learned another word there.

You're not mangling
our language any more.

Ha-ha-ha!

There it is. Oh!

I'm so pleased about this.

The Vauxhall Chevette. Yes. Look
at it, Paddy. I used to have one.

Did you?
Not the rally version.

Wide arches.

White mini lights.

Massive!
Look at those fog lights.

Doesn't say expedition!

Why not? Well, it's a rally car.

It's got knobbly tyres.
It'll get me anywhere.

It will get you anywhere.

But I suspect in this,
give it an hour,

you won't be happy. Why not?

Look at the terrain
we're going to be going over!

You're going to be so uncomfortable
in that.

Look at the lights!

It's got spotlights.
It's got nice lights.

Yeah. It's fantastic.
And it says...Lombard RAC Rally.

Let's have a look inside.
Come on.

I used to love mine back in the day,
but my mine was comfortable.

Oh, Paddy, this is...

This might be the best car
I've had on this show

and I normally have the best cars.

What?!

Look at the wheel arches!

Look at the wheel arches.

Hang on, I've got to get out
for this. Did you just say...

Because I need to just clarify this.

..the Vauxhall Chevette is the best
car you've had on this show.

You know you've said something
wrong, there, don't you?

Look at it!
Do you want to retract that remark?

It's brilliant.

What I'm going to do now
is introduce you

to a little bit of class.

Have we got a guest presenter?

Oh, oh, dear.

Hey.

Oh, he has. Come on. Hey.

Here we go.

It starts.

Ooh.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Have I nailed it
or have I nailed it?

One of my least favourite things

is admitting when you've done
something right.

I enjoy these moments.

And how good does it look
on off road tyres?

Fantastic! It's just...

This. The Silver Shadow for me...

is just... It's everything.
It's class. It's opulence.

It's just special, innit?

How can you
saying the word, "opulent"

make opulent sound not opulent?
Opulent.

It just doesn't sound opulent
when you say it. Why not?

Sounds like an ointment
you put on a toe.

This car was built on adventure.

First World w*r British Army

used these in Egypt and Jordan
all over the place.

Not Shadows, they didn't.

Lawrence of Arabia owned
eight of them. Not Shadows.

Look, you're living off a heritage
this doesn't live up to.

This is a 1970s machine.

These weren't adventure cars, these
were for weddings and pop stars.

Oh, excuse me. Excuse me.

Just hold on one moment there.

Now I knew you'd come at me
with the wedding thing.

Yeah. And I'm going
to give you a little factoid now

because this is something the great
Chris Harris will not know.

Now come down the front here.

The Spirit of Ecstasy.

Take two fingers.

Where are you going with this?
Take two fingers.

Now, take those fingers and just
stroke them on her frontage.

What am I... Is this a wind up?

No, just give it
a little - a little caress.

Now...

..if they are smooth,
it's been used as a wedding car

because the ribbon wears them down.

If they're pert, not a wedding car.

What are you feeling?

Wrong.

They're pert. They are.
Not a wedding car.

They're in great shape. And do you
know what else as well, Christopher?

Have a look in the back.

No back seats.
I've had them taken out.

Expedition...a little bit lighter.

Basically, what you're looking
at here... Yeah.

..is the Rolls-Royce
of expedition vehicles.

Oh, God!

That's what you're looking at.

Only you and I could have come
on an expedition

and leave behind the one
that's going to be any good.

Exactly.

Shall we get in? Yes. Come on.

Here we go.

So our Flintoff-less
two car adventure was under way.

Oh, lovely.

Expedition time.

First up, we've been told to explore
the island's wild coastline.

And if the whole point
of our mission was to discover

strange new worlds,
then it's fair to say Iceland

was getting straight down
to business.

Look at that landscape!

This is just flat, black,
volcanic rock and sand

all the way out to the sea.

This place is unlike
anywhere else on the planet.

Look at the greens on the right,
Chris.

We're following in the footsteps

of great British adventurers
here, aren't we?

Unfortunately, for Harris, though,
the whole point of our mission

was actually to see
how our cars coped

with Iceland's rugged landscape.

And the early news
from the Chevette...

Oof.
..was as predicted.

Ooh. Oh, oh, oh.

Urgh. What have I done here?

Are you feeling every single divot
in that car?

Oh, come on, then. Tell me
just how comfortable it is in there.

It is heavenly in here.

Just because you're going
on an adventure doesn't have to mean

you're going to be uncomfortable.

Oh, I'm too hot in here
and I'm feeling quite sick already.

I mean, looking at Chris's car,
he's not very comfortable.

He's got the door open
for a kick off

because he's getting gassed out
by the petrol.

Why be like that?
Why be like Chris Harris?

You want to travel in a bit
of style, a bit of class.

This car is fantastic, and it's got
all the mod cons on it as well.

I mean, granted these days
they're not mod cons,

they're more old cons but, back
in the day, were cutting edge.

It's even got
a Philips tape deck on it.

Oh.

Everything OK, Christopher?

It's very fumy.

This could be
a psychedelic experience

once I've had a few more
of these fumes.

Right. Here we go.

Always a good sign
letting the fumes out.

Just sorting my wardrobe, Pad,
nothing to worry about.

You just sit tight.

Now, then, the Vauxhall Chevette,

not just the UK's
best-selling hatchback 1975 to '78.

No, this Chevette
is even more special

because apart from being noisy
and fumy and hot,

in becoming a rally car,
it's been given

a 2-litre twin carb engine

and the gearbox is from racing
specialists Quake.

This car's gear shift.

Oh, it reminds me of every single
supercar that's got paddles

as been completely wrong.

This is joyous. Snick, snick, snick.

Straight cut gears one to three,
fourth... If we go to fourth.

That's second, that's fourth.

Fourth is quiet.

I need to get into fourth gear
for a bit of peace and quiet.

And when it comes
to peace and quiet...

..that is something
Iceland does very well.

Oh, this is a lovely little road.

Look at this!

Ooh. It smelt gorgeous then.

Now, with the fumes in your car,
Chris, you won't be able

to appreciate this,
but these flowers smell beautiful.

OK.

OK.

Aha! That's unpleasant.

So let's talk about power,
Christopher.

What's the Vauxhall croquette
packing?

100 horsepower,
courtesy of a Ford Pinto.

The Silver Shadow's got
a 6.75 litre V8,

and it's packing
a massive 200 horsepower, Chris.

There's no way
that's got 200 horses.

I reckon at least a third of them

have been packed off
to the glue factory.

Well, we'd soon see

because a few more miles
down the old dusty trail,

we were soon to discover

that when Iceland isn't doing
peace and quiet...it's doing this.

Yes, this favourite local pastime
is sand drag racing.

And since this is how Iceland's
petrolheads decide whose wheels

are fastest over the black stuff...

Look at some of this!

To see whether our intrepid
explorers were anything

like fit-for-purpose,

we've been told to go
and get stuck in ourselves.

Ah! That's right.

They're having a look around.
Royalty's here.

The Silver Shadow.

And a little blue thing.

Getting out of this
with any dignity isn't easy.

Oh.

Why do we always turn up
to these things underequipped?

Look at that!
That's interesting.

A T-shirt over the jumper.

Right, let's have a look round.

So it's what...90 metres drag strip?

Yeah. Oh, all happening.

What's that all about?

Why would you want to do that?

I wouldn't, so let's
forget about that. Drag racing.

Yeah.

Oh!

They've named this after you.

Well, nearly.
What's the brake horsepower?

A thousand. A thousand.

A thousand. On sand.

Would you sit in that?

No!

Essentially what you're
sitting in, there is a rocket.

How much power does this have?

1,200. 1,200.

1,200. How much power is that?

Can easily be 2,000. 2,000.

Is this one of the fastest cars
on the island? Yeah. It is.

Yeah.

Did you just ask if the 2,000 brake
horsepower drag...drag racer

is one of the fastest cars on the
island...

What do you expect the answer to be?

There's probably...
There's a faster Corolla over there.

There must be a nut job
that's got 4,000.

You know what they're like
round here! Right.

Wow. I want to watch
one of these go.

Can you get in it and show us how
fast it goes? Yeah. Yes.

Oh, come on, then.

Here they go.

That is absolutely ridiculous.

And with the second biggest result
of the day

going to our new friend,
Icelandic Batman,

it was time for the main event.

Chris, I've got to say,
after watching those drag races,

these people here,
I think they're going to be

a little bit underwhelmed.

What! After a 2,000 horsepower
nitrous dragster,

why would they be disappointed

watching a Silver Shadow
bury itself?

But, just to add to the spectacle,

the producers had decided
to make this drag a three-way.

What's that doing here?

And what's he doing driving it?

He must have been double jabbed.

And that meant, with a special treat
lined up for the winner,

the first ever budget British
expedition vehicle foot race

was on.

We're away.

Oh, my God.

Can I get a bit more traction?

Stig's going well.

Now, we've got some power.

Now the Chevette comes into its own.

34, 36.

I've got him.

# Get it on, bang a gong

# Get it on. #

I'm nowhere near him.

The victor's the little Corvette.

That was ridiculous.
That was the slowest race ever.

Well, congratulations, we all knew
what the outcome were going to be,

but it was nice to see you
go over the finish line.

As ever, when someone wins,
they've got to get on the podium

and reap the rewards.

What rewards?

Why do they always dress me?

I always end up looking
like a complete idiot.

You'll be all right.

Ignore that - that frayed bit.

There's a massive knot
in that one, look.

OK, guys, here we go.

Is this it? Are we doing it?
Are we doing it?

All right.
Paddy, get over that way.

We're doing it. Go on, Chris.

Oh, BLEEP this
for a game of soldiers.

Ready? Yes.

Go on, Chris. Oh, Jesus!

Agh! I can't run. My leg's off.

Oh, Paddy!

Go on, Chris.

There she goes.

Agh! Blimey.

McGuinness!

How high up are we now?

Now I think it's around 300 metres.

Wow, OK.

Now what's happening?
Is the rope OK?

Pad, he's taken the rope away.

What do I do?

Enjoy it.

We're really high up.
Really, really high up.

It wasn't all bad news
for Harris, though.

The view up here
is absolutely outrageous.

Because once he'd finally touched
down, and we were on our way again,

at least he could get back
to enjoying

the luxurious comfort
of his Vauxhall.

How is the briquette?

This car makes so many noises.

Every single stone
that goes up inside the wheel arch

makes a massive bang.

The engine makes
a huge amount of noise.

The tyres make a noise,
but above all of it

is the whine
from the straight cut gears.

It takes over everything.

Just...can you ask, why have
you got the straight cut gears?

Because they give me much faster,
more satisfying gearshifts.

We're driving. We're pottering
around Iceland for God's sake.

And when it comes to pottering
around Iceland, one of our cars

really was in a class of its own.

I know I've said it before,
I'm going to keep saying it.

This car was proper cutting edge.
Back in the day,

the Silver Shadow was one of
the most advanced cars

in the world.

It had magic hydraulic suspension,
and everything was electric.

It showed the world
what we were capable of.

Little things like this...
Now, THIS is an absolute treat.

Look at this. When you put the radio
on, watch the aerial.

HE CHUCKLES: Look at that!

Isn't that amazing?

Aw, I miss things like that. The old
aerial pops up.

When you turn the radio off,
down it goes.

Look at that.

Oh, God.

RADIO: Hold on a second. Slight
technical. Won't be a moment.

Aerial issues.

Here we go.

I've got a hole where my radio was.

I've got two wires. And you're
worried about your electric aerial?

That's the one.

Just to be clear, if a slightly
sticky aerial is the only thing

you can complain about on
your expedition,

that, my friends, is called winning.

And over in the Courgette, it had
been the straw that finally

broke Harris.

# Oh, the straight-cut gears
are lovely

# Oh, the straight-cut gears are
lovely

# No, they're not
They're really horrible

# Wah!

# Wah-wah! #

I'll come straight out with it, Pad.

This car is ridiculous.

PADDY CHUCKLES

Could we stop so I can phone Fred

and maybe rent his Range Rover
off him?

Sadly, though, we couldn't.

Because it was time for the next
stage of our expedition testing

to begin.

And since successful expeditions
aren't only about the fitness

of the vehicles,

before heading back into the wild,
we'd been told

we'd be trying out another of
Iceland's favourite pastimes.

This one designed to see
if we were also

match fit.

Yes, the Strong Man contest.

Us two up against some very
large locals,

led by the world's tenth strongest
man, Eythor Ingolfsson Melsted.

Here we go.

How do you do a hard walk?

Do that with your arms.

How are you? Hey, guys. How are you?

Can I ask a couple of questions?

How much do you weigh?

I'm around 145 kilos.

How much can you lift,
sort of weight?

I deadlift 300, to 70kg.

3... Whoa, that's a lot.

Now, we're going to do some
warm-up. What, here?

Yeah.

Now, somewhere in the middle
of this frankly hateful exercise...

Come on, let's go!

We are going!

..it was revealed that McGuinness

and I would be competing together
over three rounds

with a vehicular theme.

Oh, God. 20 push ups.

Come on. Oh, God. All the way down.

Come on! I'm going!

And that meant we'd be kicking off
with the tyre flip,

where our strongman opponent
would be the fresh-faced

Kristjan Jon Haraldsson.

All right, guys!
In three, two, one...

BEEP!

Come on, McGuinness.

GRUNTING

McGuinness, come on!

One more, Chris! Ready? Yeah!

YELLING

I think Flintoff
would have been proud of that.

A surprise early win for Britain.

And next up was the car walk.

But with Kristjan back for
revenge,

this one did need a bit
more practise.

Three, two, one, go!

So, we're going on the "go"?

Yeah. Right.

You ready? I just lifted it!

Go!

Kristjan, I don't know if you've
ever seen Top Gear,

but it's probably better just
putting an engine in it

and driving it, son.

Lost on him. Let's just do it.

All right, guys, are you ready?

No! Three, two, one!

Are you ready?

GRUNTING
Oh, BLEEP!

Paddy, stop it! Paddy!

BEEP!

Come on, Pad!

Yes!

I can't quite get up there.
Thank you.

1-1, then.

And for the decider, Eythor
himself will be stepping up

for the fearsome truck pull.

Or to make it even vaguely
a contest,

the truck versus two much
lighter cars...

..pull.

Hey, we're up against the big
lad now!

This is for Team GB. Tenth strongest
man in the world

versus the tenth funniest
man in the world.

And the smallest man in the world.
Shut up! Right.

OK, guys, are you ready?

Three, two, one.

WHISTLE BLOWS

Get down!

Go, go, go. We've got it.
We've got it.

Come on!
Keep going, Chris.

Suddenly, Harris's stripped-out,
lightweight Chevette wasn't looking

like such a bad choice after all.

Keep it going. Little steps.

Look at me feet.
Come on, son.

Keep going. I can't do much more.
Keep going!

And with the big, heavy
lorry digging its heels in,

it turned out the soft Icelandic
turf was also on our side.

WHISTLE BLOWS

PANTING

Are we done here?

Eythor!

Oh! Every respect, sir.

Oh! That... How you guys
do that,

I'll never know.

Oh, thank you so...

But I think the main thing is...
The real winners were us.

He's right. It is us.
Well done! Yes!

Right! A protein shake.

See you on the other side.

Ooh, I'm seeing colours.

Now, having proven we could also
handle anything Iceland

could throw at us...

..ish, the time had come to point
our two-car convoy

towards the island's wilder,
more remote, interior.

From here on out, tarmac roads would
be a distant memory.

Whoa!

The expedition testing was back
in full swing...

..with our next obstacle being...

..water.

RADIO: How's the little Chevette?

All right, this is a bit
more serious.

This is not good.

Fear not, my little friend.

This is where the Rolls-Royce
comes into its own.

Here we go.

Stay close, Croquette.

It might get moist.

Here we go. Straight in. Come on!

Come on, Silver Lady!

Oh! Not a problem!

A lot of smoke coming out of
the bonnet, though.

How's he getting on?

Go on, son.

She's stuck.

Oh, dear, dear, dear.

Come on, little Chevette!

Yes!
RADIO: Is that the little Croquette?

No turning back now!

LAUGHING

Never in doubt, Patrick.

Whoa!

Oh!

Now we're expeditioning.

Look at that up in front of us
there, Chris.

Oh, now, that over there,

would you say - is that a volcano,
Christopher?

That is the most active volcano
on the island.

That is Hekla.

Just one of the many active
volcanoes that have shaped Iceland's

volatile, unstable landscape.

Hekla itself forms part of a 25-mile
long volcanic ridge that last

erupted 21 years ago.

The fact that its next eruption
is now considered by many

to be overdue only made it all
the more predictable

that this was where we'd been told
to head to spend the night.

Everywhere you look in this place,
there's evidence of some massive

force of nature having smashed
the landscape to bits,

or flattened it, or blown it up.

It's just so wild.

I was never sure if wilderness were
my thing, but I've got to say

I am absolutely loving this.

Look at the change of scenery now,
on the right-hand side.

Did you see that sign we just
passed, son?

Only four-by-fours allowed
on this road.

I feel like one of them
Great British explorers heading

off into unchartered territories.

Captain Cook, Scott of
the Antarctic, Shackleton.

You know they all died on their
voyages, don't you, buddy?

And Captain Cook had a boat, not
a Rolls-Royce!

Maybe. But, to be fair,

if he'd had the Chevette,

he'd almost certainly

have died sooner.

Oh! Why did I choose
this bloody car?

Why did I choose this bloody car?

How are you feeling about your
choice now, honestly?

Terrible.

Not to worry, though, because just
a few more easy miles up the road...

Whoa!

..we finally reached our overnight
refuge, at the foot of a volcano.

That's a lava field behind it.

This is right in the firing line.

Oh, there's a picnic table
there, a little basket.

Oh.

Have you got a spare coccyx?
I'm broken.

I don't think I'll ever tire of
seeing you getting out of that car.

Oh. Look at this, though, eh?

What a spot, Patrick.

Little picnic. Job's a good 'un.

Fortnum and Mason's hamper.

Oh, let me see. Other hampers
are available.

Oh, don't, don't.

Of course.

BLEEP. Don't.

Every hard-working expedition
needs its rations.

BLEEP me.

And ours was a selection of
traditional Icelandic delicacies.

No!

How are you even touching that?
They've taken the brain out. Look,

you see its tongue and its teeth
here. Oh!

Let's get a fork out and have a go
at it. Come on.

How do you get in it?
That looks good, in there.

What's that? Well, that looks good
there. Buried goose!

No, no, Chris.

That's pretty good. You're on
your own.

I've got some crunchy nutters
in the car.

Ram's testicles. Where? There.

They're an odd shape.

I'm going to try a bit of testicle
on bread. You're not.

Why not?

Oh! No, no, no!

It's got a real, salty hit to it.

Urgh!

To be honest, I think
I've had my fill for the day.

The only trouble is, it's about
half ten at night.

It's broad daylight. Can I tempt
you with some mutton? No, no, no.

Uh, I've just noticed,
no curtains.

Great.

I don't know whether to say
goodnight or good morning,

but, anyhow, see you in a bit.

Oh, that's good gear, Pad.

Get out!

THEY LAUGH

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Fred, the one time we really needed
you - lifting stuff and eating

horrendous things, where were you?

Genuinely, I'm gutted I
wasn't there.

You know what I'm most gutted about?
I didn't get a chance to drive

that Range Rover. Yeah. And it was
a lovely choice, Fred,

but if I'm nit picking,

you could have gone for the
three-door because the late

great Charles Spencer King...
On the plus side,

you did swerve three days of that.

I suppose self-isolating isn't
too bad after all. Anyhow,

it's time to move on and talk
about this -

the Chevrolet Camaro.

Actually, my Chevrolet Camaro.
Which used

to be my Chevrolet Camaro.
I know, Chris. I know.

Kaching.
No shame whatsoever.

The point is, I've always been
a sucker for fast American cars,

but I had to admit, they're not
built for British roads.

They're not refined. And the
steering wheel's on the wrong side.

But now there's an American sports
car that promises to solve all that.

Here it is.

The all-new Chevrolet Corvette.

For the first time ever,

it's got its engine behind
the driver,

and it's got its steering
wheel on the right.

This all-American hero is starting
to look a lot like one of your fancy

European sports cars.

The question is - does it go
like one?

Well, there's only one way
to find out.

Knock it down a couple of gears.

And...

Oh! There she goes!

She flies!

Oh, my word. 100mph already!

Nought to 60
in just over three seconds.

184mph top speed.

That isn't sports car fast.
That's supercar fast.

This is one quick car.

And that's thanks to Chevy's
6.2 litre, small-block V8,

making over 480 horsepower.

I love it!

Only the Americans can put
the word "small" anywhere

near a six litre engine.

Bonkers!

The thing is, though, American
sports cars have never struggled

with going fast in a straight line.

The problem's always been corners.

And when you do reach a corner in
your Corvette,

you discover...

..it is brilliant!

Oh, whoa!

HE LAUGHS

Old Corvettes, we'd have been in
a wrestling match on track,

but this one is with you.

It's a whole other fighter.

The gearbox is a fancy
dual-clutch paddle shift.

You can even have clever magnetic
shock absorbers.

And having the engine behind
the driver means you're right

in the thick of it. You know

exactly what's going on,

and what's going on is all good!

And it's the same story inside.

Sitting in an American car

has traditionally been a cheap
and cheerful experience.

But the Corvette's interior
is anything but.

There's leather everywhere.

There's screens and cameras
everywhere.

There's even one in the rear view
mirror.

And look at this. Press this,

it records your driving, overlaid
with data on how fast

you're going and the G-force.
It does the whole lot.

And it's got a pop-out roof, so it's
a convertible, too.

Seriously, you've got everything you
need in here, and it doesn't feel

cheap and cheerful.

It feels expensive and cheerful.

So, how expensive is
the new Corvette?

Well, that depends.

See, in America, these cars start
at $60,000.

That's £45,000.

£45,000 for a nearly 500 horsepower,

mid-engine sports car.

I know Corvettes have always been
about bang for your buck.

But that's an absolute steal.

If you can't pay in bucks, though,
it's not quite such good news.

The Corvette we get over here
starts at 75 grand.

This one has tested...

..85 grand.

Come on, America!

We gave you the English language.

We gave you the internet.

We gave you...James Corden.

And this is how you repay us?!

But here's the thing.

Even at that price, this car
is still a total bargain.

Nothing else,

nothing else you can buy in the UK
right now gives you this much

performance for your pound,

this much car for your cash.

Pound for pound for fun!

This is right up there.

I'm struggling to find something
I don't like.

HE LAUGHS

Come on!

I'm a Northerner.

I love a bargain!

Stick some gravy on it, I'm sold!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Look at his face. Look at him!

Not a happy chappy. What's wrong
with you? OK.

This could go on a while,
but I'll keep it short.

It looks like two cars sewn together
in the middle. Doesn't look right.

It's not coherent, there's too much
volume back here.

But most importantly, I don't want
a mid-engine Corvette.

It should be an American muscle car,
front end to rear wheel drive.

I'm going to put it in terms that
you'll understand - biscuits.

Oh, right. Jaffa Cakes.

Yes. A Jaffa Cake should have
marmalade orangey stuff in it.

Not one of these new ones
with cherry or lime.

I want to know what I'm getting.

American muscle car.
This is trying to be a Ferrari.

It's trying to be European.
He has got a point.

But, listen, there's plenty of
muscle car fans out there.

So, Fred, would you keep the Camaro
or trade up to the Corvette?

Do you know what?

I like this car, but I love
that one.

Yes, Fred! When we put them nose
to nose, I've not even

looked at this. Yeah.

It's just all about that for me.

I love that car.
Paid over the odds, but love it.

LAUGHTER

Right, now it's time to do something
else we've not done for a while.

We're going to put this car
around our track in the hands

of The Stig.

Engine in the middle means more
weight over the rear wheels,

which means better traction
off the line.

Sounding great, normally
aspirated V8.

It's greasy out there. Stig reckons
these sorts of conditions

can cost at least three or four
seconds a lap.

You can see the suspension almost
fighting the roll there.

Through Chicago. Looks flat
and fast.

Stig working his way through
the eight-speed box.

No, manual option
on this Corvette.

Breaking hard at the Hammerhead.

Not so much stability on the brakes.

Really fighting to keep the car in
a straight line

Using all of the tarmac.
A little bit of grass, too.

Down into the Follow Through.

And he had a little bit of a brake
there! Unusual for The Stig.

Second-to-last, the most difficult
corner, pick your entry point.

He's fighting it all the way
in little steering inputs.

Through Gambon now, what's he going
to do? Bit of grass.

Over the line.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So, it's a damp lap.

What do you think? I'm thinking it's
got to be faster

than the M3. OK.

It was a damp lap. Pressure's on.

The time was

1:21.7.

There it is.

AUDIENCE OOHS

OK.
Just under the F-Type. Damp time.

Damp time. And this is the top of
the board, isn't it?

Well... We've tested a lot
more cars, haven't we, Pad?

I have thought of this, gentlemen.

What do you mean you've thought
of it? I've knocked this up today.

HANDLE SQUEAKING AND LAUGHTER

Oh, now, Patrick!

Eh? You've excelled yourself here.

Needs a bit more WD-40, I've got to
be honest.

I'm liking that, Pad. Won't be
a minute.

Still going. So, it could be about
four seconds quicker.

Here we go. Boom.

It's sort of Honda NSX speed,
isn't it?

You've just pointed
somewhere you can reach.

LAUGHTER

So, there you go. Mid-table, not
relegation.

And now it's time to get back to our
big Iceland adventure,

where Fred was still stuck in the UK

and our British expedition
vehicles were about to be put

to the ultimate test.

With the Icelandic summer
and its never-ending daylight

waking us bright and early...

Look at that.

..it was time to find out

what the last leg of our mini
expedition had in store.

Good night's sleep, that, Pad.
Surprisingly nice, that.

Oh, challenge!

"Iceland is the home of proper
expedition vehicles.

"To see how adventurous your cars
really are,

"you will now race against the king
of the locals."

Oh, God.

This absolute monster is
a Ford F-150 pick-up,

modified by Icelandic off-road
legends, Arctic Trucks.

Their vehicles have been used to
conquer some of the most hostile

terrains on the planet.

But as if that wasn't enough of an
unfair advantage, their latest

creation would, of course,
be driven by The Stig.

This is a problem.

The ultimate expedition machine,

driven by the ultimate driving
machine.

And we're racing him in a Chevette
and an old Silver Shadow.

Yeah. Right.

And then there was the race route.

Continuing to follow the rough
tracks that coursed

through the Icelandic interior,

we'd have to find our way to
the edge

of the Raudhaskal crater.

The finish line was just 20
odd miles away, but as part

of the Hekla volcanic ridge, it lay
at the heart of one

of the world's most active
volcanic regions.

So, to give us at least a fighting
chance,

we'd get a 30 minute head start.

Just long enough, the producers
reckoned, for us to reach

the finish line first,

if our budget Brits didn't,
as they put it, die trying.

Right, rally, boy.

We're a team on this. Don't
be sh**ting

off in the old Croquette and leaving
me for dead.

Here we go. Three, two, one.

Go!

What's he doing? What's he doing?

What are you doing?

My strategy is the faster I go,

I reckon the faster you'll go.

Oh! Now we're moving.

All kinds of stones thrown
at the Silver Lady!

So, with just half an hour to get
as far ahead of The Stig

as possible, apparently teamwork
had gone straight out the window.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, I can't see
a thing!

But having spent the whole trip
waiting for Harris's Chevette

to make any kind of sense,

it was at least nice to be there
for the big moment.

Woo! What a fantastic bit of road.

Finally! My choice is paying
dividends.

This is driving!

There he is. Go on, Harris!

The Chevette is still so agile.

Straight-cut gears!

This is fun!

Oh, she's singing!

Oh, she is singing.

While Stig bided his time
before the hunt began,

with "Chrissi Makinen" pulling away
fast, it was all me and my Shadow

could do to hang on to the back
of him.

Oh, flat chat down here. Come on!

Whoa!

Oh, BLEEP.

Phwoar, that one crept up on me.

I can still see that little
Croquette's dust in front of me.

Come on.

This is rallying old-school.

They used to do hundreds of miles
like this.

No notes, just driving on site.

Crest.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa. Big jump.

Oh, sugar.

Feels like my left suspension is
a bit different to my right.

This looks a bit jumpy.

Oh!

She's moving about is the girl.

Oh!

How often are you going to get
the chance to take a Silver Shadow

rallying in Iceland?

Up ahead, though, it was quickly
becoming clear that my approach

to rallying in Iceland
had been a little overenthusiastic.

Moving down to third and I think
the Chevette's not very happy!

Engine's bogged down.

Either that or I'm losing power.

I could be.

I want to be going quick.

But I'm trying to get the car round
in one piece as well.

It's literally like rallying on
the moon!

Oh, my engine's not sounding
very good now.

We've got engine issues, I think.

Can't see Pad, I don't know where
he is.

And then things got worse.

Caution there.

Oh.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Not very clearly signposted.

It turns out, on those rough tracks
that cut across the Icelandic

backcountry, missing a turn is easy.

Almost as easy, in fact,

as grinding to a halt altogether.

I'm stuck.

Still, it's not like we were
being chased.

Yes.

Our 30 minutes were up and Stig
was on the hunt.

Oh, I can see him. There he is.

Is he stopped? Oh, my God, he's
stopped. What's he doing?

Have you stopped? What's going on?

The directions weren't very clear.

I went straight on and now
I can't get moving.

I'm going to nudge up to you,
ready?

Oh.

We're off!

A lovely bit of rescue service from
the roller there!

Teamwork makes the dream work.

The plucky Brits
might have been back on the move,

but as Stig smashed across the plane
somewhere behind us...

..soon it was the Shadow's turn
to start feeling the pressure.

Jesus, it's bumpy here, Chris!

I think I've lost power steering or
I've got a puncture.

Lost power as well. Bloody hell!

Philips is hanging out the tape
deck. Get in!

Come on, Pad. Get that roller going.

Slowing down a bit on me.
Come on, girl!

This is where The Stig will gain
valuable time

on us, cos he'll go over those rocks
like they're nothing,

like they're popping candy.

Some of these crests are
a bit blind.

Watch out for the ridges
coming up! It's got...

Big lump down the middle.
Be careful, all right?

Oh, that looks a bit ominous.

Oh!

Oh-h*!

Go on, the Silver Lady!

Cheers, pal.

The landscape had been taking
its toll.

It's getting hot in here now.

Come on, old girl.

But our cars were still just about
hanging on.

Raudhaskal was now just six
miles away.

And as we began the final push,
round to the crater's edge,

the real question was...

..where was our pursuer?

Can't see The Stig.

Still can't see him.

Can't see the Stig, pal!

Oh, we're down to three now.

I've only got three cylinders, so
you'll have to bear with me.

My engine's dying.

Come on, come on.

I can't see The Stig... Oh, Jesus,
he's here!

Oh, no.

That's a big rock!

Oh, God!

Go, Pad. Come on, Pad.

Hold on, Silver Shadow! Come on!

It's going to be tight.

Come on, come on, the Shadow!

Come on, Pad. Keep up, mate!
Come on, Pad.

We're going to drag you along.

He's on me!

Come on, Paddy McGuinness!

I'm here, son!

He's right on me.

Argh! Get round.

Oh!

Go on, get up there!

Come on, the roller.

We have got him!

Oh! Made it!

Yeah! What?!

CHUCKLING

Oh!

Wow!

We've done it, son! Wow.

Woo!

We've just raced to the top
of a volcano.

I'll tell you what...

There he is!

Good work. Never in doubt.

There he is.

Oh!

Look at that.

That is immense.

That over there, all lava.

Do you know that?
That's unbelievable.

I love the way this is
a voyage of learning for you.

Oh, drink it in.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Found a volcano. Wow.

What a trip. Great cars,
unbelievable scenery, and we beat

The Stig to the top of the volcano.
It was fantastic.

The only thing missing was you,
big man.

I'm still gutted. I would love to
have been there.

I've got serious FOMO. Serious.

What about the cars? Little
soldiers, both of them. Yes.

Widebody Chevette, Fred.

Look at that. Yeah.

Well, it's time to decide who bought
the best car.

Obviously, Chris, you're going
to go with the Croquette.

Yes. Yeah.

And I'll go for the Silver Lady,
which means casting vote's

yours, Fred, and I bet you're going
to go with Chris,

cos it's his Chevette.

"Ooh, it's Chris's Chevette."
LAUGHTER

Really? "Ooh!"

All right, then. On the one hand,
I'm looking at a blue car

with a big white dot on the bonnet.

Yep. This one, I'm looking at
a national treasure,

an institution. Something
with better class, well-built,

obviously unlike the driver.

So, for that reason, I'm going
Rolls-Royce.

Sorry, Chris. Rolls-Royce!

I can't believe it! I can't
believe it!

I love a Royce, I love them!

Double teapot. Pathetic.

That's it for tonight, but more good
stuff next week.

The big lad becomes a qualified
racing driver.

The little lad drives a DeLorean.

And I drive a car worth £4 million.

Thanks so much for watching.
See you, then. Goodnight!

CHEERING AND APPLAUE