CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello and welcome to Top Gear.
We are back and, as you can see,
things are a little bit different.
Because of Covid - pesky Covid! -
we can't have a studio audience,
but we've got the next best thing.
That's right, Pad, they said
work from home if possible,
so here we are
at the home of the BBC.
Yes, the mighty Television Center.
Wonderful.
You can literally smell the history,
and the gin.
So no audience, but we do have
our trusty production team.
Hello, everybody!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Yes, look at them.
They've had a shave and a wash
and everything. It's fantastic.
And we've got a few locals up in
the flats. Hello, there, everybody!
CHEERING
Hello! Right up the top.
We won't be long. Get the kettle on.
Imagine settling down to your dinner
and finding Paddy McGuinness
yelling outside your window. Lucky.
It's probably a good time to put
a low offer on one of these flats.
Looking round, a few of them
have shut the curtains, Pad.
LAUGHTER
Now, the BBC wants to make clear -
us three,
we've been Covid tested... Yep.
...we're bubbled up,
so we're officially allowed
to be nice and close.
I've got to be honest - I prefer
the social distancing. Sorry.
Anyhow, things might be
a bit different,
but we've still been hard at work
messing around in cars
and have we got a belter of a series
lined up for you.
Here's what's in store.
Have you got high heels on?
Why are you walking like that?
Can we do this, please?
No, no, no, no.
Slow down, slow down.
That is ridiculous!
Aye-aye, Captain.
Just look at these.
Stop.
Have you got an earring in? Yeah.
I like it.
Geez, what a sight!
Brake. Brake. What are you doing?
I'm braking.
Have a bit of smoke, gentlemen.
FREDDIE COUGHS
CHRIS LAUGHS
MUFFLED: I'm not in character here.
Well, at least
we've still got our dignity.
It's so fast!
All over the place.
Mamma Mia! Here we go again!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Exciting. Exciting. Exciting.
All that coming up
over the next few weeks,
but tonight it's time to slip on
the old rose-tinted spectacles -
you already have... Thank you.
...to talk about memorable cars.
Because we reckon
the most important car in your life
isn't the one you learn to drive in,
or the first car you bought.
No, it's your dad's car. Yes!
The one you sat in the back of
as a kid.
So, to celebrate the most memorable
cars of all, the producers said,
'"Tell us what your dads drove,
we'll find the nearest thing we can,
' "you get yourselves to Cumbria.'"
Our trip down memory lane
would be set against
the rugged, ancient backdrop
of the Lake District...
...where, on a remote farm,
we'd been told to meet up
for a very special reunion.
Here we go.
Are you excited? I am excited.
Yeah, me too.
I mean, this is a big moment.
Oh, look at this, boys.
Aaah! DOOR SCRAPES NOISILY
Oh, my ears.
I think I know mine. Really?
Come on, then. Shall I?
Yeah, go on, go on, go on.
Why am I so excited?
Cos it's your dad's car.
Your dad's car was everything.
Take it off! When you were a kid,
it was everything. Take it off!
Boys, it's the legendary..
...Cortina.
MUSIC: 20th Century Boy
by T. Rex
What do you think? Beautiful.
I love a Cortina.
Is that a brown interior as well?
Yeah. It doesn't get more '70s.
1.6 GL. THE car.
It just oozes dad.
It's just a dad car, innit?
It's a proper rolling up,
arm out the window, here's my dad.
My mum and dad used to sleep in it.
When we were at the cricket...
Too much information! No!
What happened was I used to stay
in hotels with the teams and that.
And they would...?
I only found out years later
that my mum and dad
used to sleep in the car a lot
cos they couldn't afford
hotel rooms and things.
I don't know what to say
to that, Fred. Yeah.
Look at this.
If my dad saw this,
he would be so happy.
Can I say one thing,
Mr Flintoff? Yeah.
You've a reputation for bending
things. You're not bending this.
I'm not going anywhere near.
No chance. No way.
Go on, who's next? Shall we have
a go? Yeah, go on. What have we got?
MUSIC: Father To Son by Queen
Oh, of course it was yellow,
of course it was!
Come on, boys! Here we go!
Bring on the sunshine. Did every
bloke in the North have a Ford?
That is a honey. Look at this.
I would have a go about it
being yellow but it works.
Yeah, because it was
built in Seville, that.
Those lads out there -
a bit of sunshine on their back,
a couple of sangrias,
it fitted. It does.
It's only
when they got made over here
they all came out as brown and Grey.
Do you know, this car -
my earliest memories of this car
what make me smile
was not being in it.
When my dad used to pick me up
at the weekend,
he'd roll up outside our house
and he'd always drive over
the grid in the front of our house
and it made a certain
clanking noise.
Whenever I hear it now
it just makes me smile,
so when I think about his car,
I think about him
driving over that grid.
But the years I spent
sat in the passenger side.
I never went in the back.
I was always... Why? Just...
I just wanted to be
up front with my dad.
I wanted to be out there,
and back then you were allowed.
Seat belt on, or not?
Please! In the '80s?
Paddy, just come here and just see
this angle of the two Fords.
Look at it. It's beautiful.
Look at them.
Let's get down here
and have a look at that. Yes.
If that is an Escort or a Granada,
we've got the full set.
Funny feeling I might
disappoint you here. Oh. Here we go.
Come on. Granada. Sierra. Sierra.
I 'd love a Sierra.
It could be a Sierra. It's not, is
it? Did you see? Different country.
Straight away!
MUSIC: Heroes by David Bowie
Geez. E21 323i.
Look at these. You've got
windscreen wipers on the headlights.
Oh, my lord. Do you know what?
I'm not often lost for words,
but that's my entire childhood back
in one piece. I just adored these.
140 horsepower in the late '70s.
Wow.
Rear-wheel drive. And I was...
What are you thinking now you're
seeing it? What are you thinking?
I'm trying quite hard not to cry.
Honestly? Oh, mate. Fantastic.
And I never...
You know I've got a few cars,
but I've never bought one of these
cos it was my dad's car.
I've never driven one.
You've never driven one?
I've never sat in the driver's seat
cos I don't think I'm...
I don't think I deserve to cos
it's my dad's car. Get in.
Go on, Chris.
Get in. Look at this.
Paddy, that's a nice car. Yeah.
That is a lovely car. 323i.
CHRIS WHISTLES
It's absolutely gorgeous, lads.
Is it?
And I remember
the clock faces and...
So you never sat in the driver's
seat of it? Never got to drive it?
I wasn't allowed to.
I wasn't allowed to touch
the heater controls or anything
cos it was Dad's. Dad's car.
Pride and joy?
You don't mess with Dad's car.
It's...
It was a space that was not to
be touched. It was to be respected,
and if you went anywhere near
any of it, you were in trouble.
Yeah. Don't even think
about touching the radio. No.
Don't even think about
touching the radio.
I'm getting the smells,
I'm getting the smiles,
I'm getting the arguments.
I'm getting the frustrations.
I'm getting the... All of it,
and it comes through a car.
How do cars do that?
Do you want me to give you
a few...? Oh!
It's got the optional
five-speed gearbox.
FREDDIE LAUGHS
MUSIC: Won't Get Fooled Again
by The Who
Look at this.
Seat belt on.
I'm actually quite nervous
about starting it up.
Right...
I'm actually going to start up
my dad's car.
Here we go.
Ignition on.
ENGINES RUMBLE
Oh, there we go!
Look at the exhaust fumes
out the back of that Cortina.
First gear, handbrake off.
Sorry, Dad.
Oh, my word! I'm so happy.
Yes!
The sound of that straight six!
That's the sound...
...of my childhood.
We were on our way,
and exactly where
wasn't important...
...because, for once, we hadn't
been told to head straight
to the nearest racetrack
or airfield.
Instead, we'd been told
to just soak up the memories
and see where they'd take us.
Lads, now, obviously,
your dad's your dad
and your mum's your mum
and we all refer to our dads as Dad,
but they have names.
What were your dads' names?
My dad was called Ian Harris.
My dad's called Colin.
Yes! I like it.
Ian and Colin,
and my dad were called Joe.
Three proper dad names.
CHRIS LAUGHS
Brilliant. Brilliant names.
MUSIC: For Benjamin
by Helmuth Franke
My dad - he started off life
as a coalminer,
so he worked down the pits, my dad,
and he had these big man's hands -
big thick veins on the back,
and this steering wheel is so tiny
and so thin,
even my hands look big on it,
so my dad's hands? God, it was like
Andre the Giant driving the car.
Oh, I just loved being in the car
with my dad. Loved it.
You know what I'm going to do?
To pay homage to my dad,
I'm going to put glasses on.
There we go.
Now that is a look.
Just call me Colin.
Oh, I love that!
The more I drive, the more memories
are coming flooding back.
Just wanted to be a cricketer.
That's all I wanted to do.
I wanted to play for Lancashire,
and then maybe -
maybe just maybe - play for England.
And this is the car that took me
to all the matches as a kid.
The conversations we had in this car
with my dad about cricket.
Even daft stuff
like opening the boot
and all my cricket kit's in there,
my bat -
my first one, my V12
I bought myself, 21.50 Slazenger.
My pads from Hamleys toy shop in
London where my Auntie Joan took me.
Ah, it's bonkers.
Do you two just find yourselves
just looking round the car,
then all these different
memories come back
with different things you see?
Everything -
every button, every switch -
brings back a memory for me.
The strange situation
in my household
was that this was my dad's car,
the 323i, and he was -
and I'm sorry to say this, Pa -
he was quite an average driver.
My mum could really drive.
My mum was a rally driver,
so for me
the perfect combination
was to be collected
from a party or school
in my dad's car with Mum driving,
and then I always knew
we were in for a ride,
and she would drive it
like an absolute lunatic.
A bit of lock on, wet roads.
In fact, I can remember
another friend's dad
making a woman Driver joke
and thinking, or assuming,
that meant that
that was a really good driver
cos in my household it was the mum
that could really pedal.
I tell you what, boys,
do you remember as kids
peering through the window
and seeing how far the speedo went?
I used to love that.
And you just presume the car
will do that speed.
I have a potential maximum
on my speedometer of 140mph.
Ooh!
Snap, Chris. Mine also says 140mph.
Well, mine says 100, and that is
very, very, very optimistic.
What we needed, funnily enough,
was an airfield...
...where, in honor of the universal
truth that as a kid your dad's car
would always go
as fast as the speedo showed,
we'd now see which of ours could
get closest to their magic number.
Technically, lads,
this isn't even a drag race, is it?
We could have done this separately.
This saves a load of time
and cuts out the boring bit
of your car doing it on its own.
Just pointing out the facts.
MUSIC: Gypsy by Uriah Heap
I'll be pleased
if I can get to 50...
...and that's being ambitious.
ENGINES REV
Here we go.
I'm off!
First moral victory for the Fiesta!
Watch this. Watch this.
Oh, there he goes. Wow!
Look at that go!
70.
This feels like a modern car. 80.
BIRD SONG LAUGHING: 40mph!
60. Come on, the Cortina. I'm
starting to wobble a little bit.
90.
Nearly 100 already. I mean,
they're specks. They are specks.
Oh, hang on.
60? That's a surprise.
Go on, baby!
Keep going, keep going.
105, 110.
I mean, that's outrageous.
80, 80.
85.
Can I get 65?
Go on, go on, go on.
65!
Wow!
And that, gentlemen,
is why, in the early '80s,
you paid a bit extra for a 323i.
What did you get to?
She was still pulling at 110.
85. Paddy?
Let me just get this right.
I've got 100 so I got 65,
so I'm within 35mph of my top speed.
What did you get? 112.
What's your top speed? 140.
I know you think you've got
one here, but you haven't. Swine.
All you've done is expose
the fact that you can't add up.
I think you've pipped me,
though, Paddy.
I honestly thought yours
would give a bit more, Fred.
Me too, but never mind
about top speeds -
dads driving, all about reversing.
Reversing?
Oh, yes.
The great leveller.
I wanted to test the superpower
that every dad must have,
no matter what they drive.
What are you doing?
Straight-line reverse,
slalom all the way back round,
then straight-line reverse here.
Fastest wins. Dad driving.
I don't remember my dad reversing
around hay bales, but I'll do it.
And with the course laid out,
I decided to show them
how it was done.
With those glasses on
and that jumper in that car,
he looks like an ITV documentary
remaking some hideous serial k*ller.
PADDY LAUGHS
Three, two, one, go!
TYRES SCREECH
We're off.
Old dad technique,
arm over the shoulder.
This is very Sweeney.
It is very Sweeney.
Vroom! Round it goes.
Get round, get round.
The pressure's on.
By rights, you should win this. Why?
You're in the faster car
for a kick-off.
TYRES SCREECH
I'm getting dizzy. Whoa!
Why would they make this
a faster car in reverse?
Because it's German.
They do that, don't they?
It's down to driver skill, so you're
right - I probably should win it.
Backwards, backwards, backwards.
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
This could be interesting.
I don't fancy this.
BRAKES SCREECH
Ooh! That's unnecessary.
He's flat spotted those.
PADDY LAUGHS
How'd I do? 51 seconds.
That looked very good.
Do you know the thing about
the Mark IV Cortina, Chris? What?
It's got 15%%% more visibility
than the Mark I I I. Has it?
Thought you'd like that.
There you go.
You've been knocking about with him
for too long.
It's a car show, Paddy. We shouldn't
be scared to deliver stats.
PADDY LAUGHS
With a whole lot of dad pride on the
line, McGuinness was up next...
Have you got the stopwatch? Yeah.
...and things were getting serious.
Whoa. Whoa. What?
What's up with you? What?
Pass that BLEEP stopwatch over. No!
CHRIS LAUGHS
No! No!
I'm timing you. No.
I'm timing you. No.
I want Harris on the stopwatch.
Sit down. He did Fred's.
I'm not having you doing it.
Get in your car. Pass it over.
I'm a father. I'm a dad. Bollocks!
The glasses aren't fooling anyone.
Pass it over.
OK, go.
Pretend you've got it.
Just as he goes, hold it up, right?
Three, two, one, go!
You...! THEY LAUGH
TYRES SQUEAL
Oh, he's going for it. Whoa!
I feel ill.
He's trying to go both ways.
It doesn't work.
THE OTHERS LAUGH
Whoa! I've given myself whiplash!
TYRES SQUEAL Whoa!
What happened then?
BRAKES SCREECH
What do you reckon you got?
Faster than you.
You did, by half a second.
Shut up! 50.72.
I was convinced it was sub 50.
That...
That's a demonstration of honesty
from Andrew Flintoff.
Do you know what?
We're in a bubble. We can.
THEY LAUGH
It's nice being honest, isn't it?
It's what happens.
We all get on when we're
being honest. Go on, Chris. Get in.
I think he's going to beat you.
Can I say before I start...? Oh! Oh!
No, no, you can't say anything.
Get in.
Three, two, one, go!
TYRES SCREECH
Whoa! Whoa!
OK. Brake, brake, brake, brake.
What's his dad going to say?
Now to the right. That's good.
TYRES SCREECH Oh!
Yeah, he's quick, he's quick.
HORN BEEPS
Oh, he's pressed the horn.
A honk of the horn. Get out the way!
Whoa!
Oh!
And brake.
TYRES SCREECH
This is going to be slick.
BRAKES SCREECH
That's his dad's car.
Why's he doing that?
All this chat about
looking after my dad's car -
the blue smoke was coming,
you nearly hit a bale down here.
What did we get to?
41...
...point 94.
To be expected in that. Wait there.
That's an annihilation.
That's an annihilation.
Do you know what that was, Chris?
What?
A complete lack of respect
for your dad's car. Yeah.
We were testing you.
Unbelievable. Yeah.
MUSIC: Children Of The Revolution
by T. Rex
So first dad car bragging rights
to the Harrises.
But then, it has to be said,
the BMW 323i always was...
...a very special car.
Think about it - it's a small,
compact rear-wheel-drive saloon car
with nearly 150 horsepower,
2.3 litre fuel-injected inline-six.
You can always tell a six cylinder
by having four lights at the front,
but the 323i had twin exhausts
either side at the back.
I remember my father turning up
with one and saying,
' "Oh, it's got the twin exhaust.'"
Cor, I was a lucky boy.
How are they driving, boys? Fred,
I've lucked in here. It's gorgeous.
I've got to tell you - the Cortina
is running like an absolute dream.
I've not stopped smiling
since I've started driving.
All right, the 1.6 GL's
whopping 70 horsepower
would never be enough to take on
Harris' Beamer at the lights...
...but that doesn't matter.
It's a Cortina...
...and that makes it an icon.
You don't see many Cortinas
knocking about these days,
but back in the day
these were everywhere.
It was the biggest-selling
British car of the '70s,
and everyone drove them.
You know, sales reps, families,
the police.
It was the car to have.
Well, if you're
talking about the car to have...
...how about the UK's
bestselling car...
...of all time?
The Ford Fiesta.
This car is so popular!
Four million of these
have been sold -
four million!
This car is a proper British icon.
This is where my love affair
with Ford started.
I loved the Fiesta.
I loved everything about it.
And that's the real beauty
of your dad's car.
Back in the day, it didn't matter
that it had a one litre engine
and 53 horsepower.
It was still...
...utterly magical.
Honestly, I used to love sitting in
the car with my dad and just dri...
I didn't care where we were going -
as long as we were driving
and we were on the road,
talking and laughing
and he used to do this little thing
when he were driving, my dad,
when he'd change the gear, he'd
grab my leg and give it a squeeze
and it gave me
like a little electric shock,
and he'd do it every now and again
and I used to laugh my head off
and, cor, it was just wonderful.
I just...
HE SIGHS
I think we'd all give anything
to go back to those moments in time,
you know.
I miss them. I miss him.
It's a funny thing,
talking about your dad
when he's been gone a long time,
because mine's been gone 20 years
and I still struggle
to talk about him.
You do. You just...
That doesn't go away.
So, Ian Edward Lorimer Harris...
...I miss you lots
and I'm sorry about...
...a lot of the driving that I do
that you'd find inappropriate,
but...
...I do often keep...
...a box or a tin of barley sugars
in most of my cars.
And I don't really eat them.
I just buy them
because you used to have them
and it makes me feel good
having them in the car.
Never admitted that
in public before.
Funny old world.
It starts to make you think about,
what's my kids' memories
going to be?
You know, as a father,
you try your best, don't you?
You try your best to provide...
...show your kids the way,
and you just hope you're doing
a good job. I just want to do...
...as good a job as my dad. I don't
think I can do any better than him.
He was amazing.
I hope when my kids get, like,
to my age...
...and they talk about their
childhood, they had a good one,
and they got all the love
and support they need.
That would be
my biggest achievement.
Now, clearly inspired
by the way we've been
so heartedly embracing
the dad's car brief,
the producers had gone and cooked up
a little test of their own.
Which, of course,
meant our trip down memory lane
would now lead us to...
...yes, a local racetrack.
Right.
'"To recreate that authentic
driving -with-your-dad experience,
'"you will now see which of you can
get round this circuit fastest
'"while sitting on the lap
of one of your fellow presenters.'"
Oh...
The question we've got to ask
ourselves here is,
who's having Flintoff
sitting on them?
THEY LAUGH
You might have to get
that sunroof open! Oh, God!
Yes, in a bizarre bid
to relive that giddy thrill
of sitting on your dad's knee
for your first-ever go at the wheel,
under the floodlights
of the Cumbria Kart Racing Club,
we'd now take turns
steering our cars
while sitting on each other's laps.
You ready? Not really.
I've got to get in.
What are you doing?
I'm trying to move my hands!
What is that?!
I'm trying to get in.
I can't get in. Try side-saddle.
Can you get both your legs?
Put your other leg in. Go on.
Try that.
THEY LAUGH
It doesn't work, this.
This don't work.
Have you tried facing him?
Facing him?! That might work.
Try that.
No chance.
But after completely
relocating the seat...
Get that arse out of my face!
McGuinness on pedals.
...we were just about in business.
Shut that door!
It's a natural racing position...
...ish.
Three...
Where's the gear stick? ..two...
Jesus! Are you all right? ..one...
Oh, right on me...!
...go! Ready?
Have you got the handbrake on? No.
Right, get it into second.
Get it into second.
Second? I'm trying!
Right, you're going to have to
start braking. Start braking.
Nice and easy. Brake, brake, brake.
What are you doing? I'm braking.
Not stop!
LAUGHING: They've stopped!
They've stopped!
Right, just keep it like that
cos we've got a hairpin.
Are you all right?
I'm getting cramp. Easy, Pad, easy.
They're either stationary
or they're going flat out.
Slow down, slow down.
Brake, bit of brake, bit of brake.
A bit of accelerator.
Oh, my God. My left knacker...
Here they come.
I don't know what gear I'm in.
I can't get it back.
It's my dad's car!
That'll do. That'll do.
Are we there?
Get me out of this car!
You could have bought me
a drink first, Paddy.
Do you want a bit more time
together, you two?
Get two cigarettes down here!
HE LAUGHS
Oh, God. A cigarette
and a good cry. Oh, God!
What's the time? You did it...
...in 2:24.51. Get in, Pad.
It felt a lot longer.
Still, now with a time to beat, next
it was Harris' turn to go on top.
Absolutely ridiculous.
If you'd said to me
as I was watching the 2005 Ashes
that I 'd be giving you
a lap dance in my dad's old car...
No touching! Gentlemen, are you set?
Sort of. All right.
Three... You in gear. In gear.
..two...
First. OK, let's go... one, go!
Off they go.
Can't see a thing, Chris.
I've got it, I've got it.
Can't see where I'm going.
I'll tell you when to brake.
Brake, brake, brake, brake.
Looking smooth, lads.
Roll it in now, roll it in.
I feel like a ventriloquist.
It's all right for Chris,
cos he is the size of a child.
How we doing, Chris?
You've got to tell me. I can't see.
Brake, brake, fricking brake!
I can't see. No use shouting at me.
I can see but I've got no tail.
A bit of gas, a bit of gas.
I don't want to crash this.
Oh, sh...!
That was overseer! Overseer!
Wahey! Well done, Harris.
And over the line.
Stop here, stop there. Are we done?
My leg. Oh, my God.
Come on, then, McGuinness, give us
the good news. Your time is...
...1:37.16.
Do you feel violated, Christopher?
I don't know.
I mean, I'm a massive cricket fan,
so it's partly an honor.
The Beamer had been a minute quicker
than the Cortina.
Now, could the humble Fiesta
do any better?
Daddy...
...can we go to the pub?
No! No!
Oh, McGuinness! Look at that.
Are you ready, boys?
What are you doing?
Come in, Fiesta. Come in, Fiesta.
When you put your hand there,
what are you thinking's
going to be there?
There's something digging into
my you - know-what. Yes, my...!
Boys, when you've finished arguing,
are you ready?
We are ready.
In three... Oh! ..two...
No! ..one... Go! Give it some.
It's not a bad start, that, to be
fair. Get it into second, Daddy.
Nice tight line.
Brake now, brake now, brake now.
Right hand, right hander.
Give me some. Give me summat.
Not too much, not too much!
They're going quite quick,
aren't they? Brake hard, brake hard.
Nice tight line.
Right-hander coming up, Daddy.
Stop shouting where we're going.
Brake! Ow!
They're nearly off the track.
I'm giving it everything.
Go on, this is a good time, Daddy.
Here they come. What's the time?
1:22. They're going to
have to be quick.
Brake!
Right, give me a big hand.
Yes, we're over!
We're over.
Never again. Daddy...
...I need a wee.
How was that, Pad?
A lot more comfortable steering.
Yeah, it was a better run than ours.
Do you want to know the time?
That felt like the winning time.
1:37 to beat.
You two did it in one minute...
...30... Yes!
Are you ready? Go on.
...two. Yes!
Well done, Daddy. Yes!
Stop calling me Daddy.
Come on, bath night, Daddy.
So, lesson learned -
if you're a dad and you
want your kids to have a head start
behind the wheel,
get yourself a Fiesta.
Oh, I enjoyed that, Daddy.
Give me your hand. No! Get off.
Can I be Mummy?
You're Mummy. Give me your hand.
Go away.
Get off! Carry me, Daddy.
We can swing him.
I want to be carried!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Now, I've jumped a car off a dam,
I've rolled a hearse -
both are less stressful than getting
a lap dance off Chris Harris.
It was like having a frisky badger
crawling all over me. It really was.
You were all right
with frisky badger.
I had Bigfoot crawling all over me.
That... That in my face.
Lucky lad! LAUGHTER
If you ever call me Daddy again,
I'm off. I'm done.
I thought you liked that.
No, I didn't.
Can we not just hold hands
while we do this? Get off!
But seriously, though,
seeing those cars for the first time
in 40-odd years, it was emotional.
I mean, you had a lump in
your throat. It was a tricky moment,
boys. It was a tricky moment.
It brought back so many memories.
Absolutely it did.
Good ones as well.
Right, moving on, it's time
to talk about peak-flow
traffic light systems.
Is it heck! Here's Chris Harris
in a new supercar.
THUNDER CRACKS
This is the Lamborghini Sian.
THUNDER CRACKS
That means thunderbolt,
and that means this is a hybrid.
Yes, Lamborghini has finally
entered the electric era.
And, as you'd expect,
it's not done it subtly.
ENGINE ROARS
This spaceship of a supercar
melds petrol and electricity
to generate over 800 horsepower.
It is nothing short of the most
powerful Lamborghini ever made.
THUNDER CRACKS
So why am I not as excited
as I should be?
Don't get me wrong -
it looks brilliantly ridiculous,
but there was a time
when a new supercar -
especially a new Lamborghini -
was a big event.
Now it seems there's a new supercar
from Ferrari or Lamborghini
or McLaren every other week.
So...
...let's see if the Sian
can stand out from the crowd.
ENGINE ROARS
Wow!
It's lively!
It's oversteering and moving around.
It is sodding fast.
It's asking lots of questions
of my driving!
This is not only the most powerful
Lamborghini ever made,
it's the fastest too -
over 217 mph!
Yeah, OK, this is
a very, very fast car.
And when it comes to
the whole hybrid thing,
the Sian is also
a very different car.
The engine is no
downsized fuel sipper,
but Lamborghini's very large,
very thirsty, 6.5 litre V12.
And, unlike other hybrids
that you can plug into the mains,
the Sian only gets electricity
from its own brakes.
It doesn't even have a battery.
Instead, it uses something else.
Tucked away behind my head
but in front of the engine is
something called a supercapacitor.
It sounds very cool
and it is very cool.
Now, a normal battery stores
electricity in chemical format,
so it has to convert electricity
into a chemical and that takes time.
That's why your battery
takes time to charge.
But a supercapacitor stores
electricity as electricity
which means it charges much faster,
but most importantly it can
chuck it out much faster too -
which means instant power.
So when you brake hard into
a corner, you see it recharging...
...then when you accelerate
out the other side...
ENGINE ROARS
..you see it boosting.
Clever stuff.
So why isn't every hybrid -
in fact, every electric car -
using supercapacitors
instead of batteries?
Firstly, they're expensive...
...which explains
why the Sian costs...
Well, Lamborghini won't tell us
exactly how much it costs,
but we're talking about a million.
Plus another million and a bit.
Secondly, supercapacitors
don't hold as much juice.
About a quarter of the power
of an equivalent size battery.
In fact, the motor in your Sian
only adds about 30 horsepower.
Power that is only used
for a bit of extra low-speed shove
and to smooth out the gear changes
in what is a rather
antiquated gearbox.
Really, once you're up
and going fast,
this doesn't even
feel like a hybrid.
I'm barely aware of anything
battery-related going on.
All I can sense is that wonderful
V12 screaming away behind me.
ENGINE ROARS
Truth is,
under the deranged bodywork,
this revolutionary hybrid
is a bit of a gimmick.
Really, it's an Aventador -
a car we first saw a decade ago,
now with a very small amount
of added electricity.
And, in this age of cutting -edge,
dripping -with-tech,
do-it-all-for-you supercars,
it has to be said,
that really does make the Sian
stand out from the crowd.
This couldn't be more different
to a super-clever Ferrari SF90.
This isn't Lamborghini saying,
'" Hey, we've made the supercar
for the next millennium, '"
this is Lamborghini saying,
'"Ah, you know what?
'"We slapped a bit of electricity
in there to smooth things over,
' "but ultimately you're on your own.'"
The Sian makes no sense.
The back wants to step out
and the front wants to move around
and I'm fighting it the whole time!
It is utterly preposterous.
I think that when
the next generation looks back
from their electric cars
and what we were up to,
they'll look at these
V12 Lamborghinis and say,
' "That was insane! '"
And that is exactly
the way it should be.
Whoo!
A Lamborghini should largely
make you... yourself!
That's what this one's doing.
Oh, it... It...
It just reminds you that,
for all the cynicism,
it's a wonderfully
ridiculous object.
This is quite a machine!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Wow.
Look at it, Paddy.
That is a bit of you, that.
It's got to be a big piggy bank,
though, to buy something like this.
Chris, you're saying
it's too expensive... Yep.
...it's basically an old car... Yep.
...and the hybrid stuff doesn't
really do anything. Not really.
But you love it?
You drive it for ten minutes
and it tears your underwear off.
It's so easy to be cynical
about these things. It's a supercar!
But it's a hybrid, does that mean
it's better for the environment?
Of course it's not. LAUGHTER
I mean, listen, it's a stunning car,
it's a work of art,
but when I see that name,
I know it's pronounced "see-Ann",
but all's I see is Sian.
LAUGHTER
Sian in Welsh,
in English, translated - Jane.
So it's the Lamborghini Jane?
LAUGHTER Yes.
I'm just waiting
for the Ferrari Trevor.
LAUGHTER
Anyhow, it's time to head back down
memory lane with our dads' cars,
where we're getting a bit more dad
with every passing mile.
RADIO STATIC
ON RADIO:
CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS
RADIO STATIC
POP MUSIC PLAYS
Oh, my word!
You know what, Fred, honestly?
There were one chart
when we were kids,
and you knew who number one was.
Now, not a clue!
RADIO:
Tell you what, it makes
my ears bleed, that rubbish.
RADIO CLICKS OFF
MUSIC: Funky Fanfare
by Keith Mansfield
It was the start of another day
with our dads' cars.
And clearly already
in the right mind -set
for more nostalgic pottering about
the Lake District...
Never buy petrol on the services -
too expensive!
...talk soon turned to that special
kind of wisdom that only dads have.
I never once saw him
pull out an A to Z.
He just knew everywhere.
It's just...
I don't know,
it's just dad knowledge.
Yeah, my dad had the map
and he'd plan his route
meticulously -
he knew exactly what road to go on,
but if we went on a long trip,
it was like five o'clock
in the morning, we were all up,
trying to beat the traffic.
And actually pulling up and asking
for directions is a no-no.
Not even an option.
Never saw it happen.
He would rather...
He would rather have
just spent the night in the car.
HE LAUGHS
The other one I had which is
really weird was dad facts -
that you assumed they were real
because your dad told them to you.
I can remember, he wouldn't
keep his hand on the gear lever
cos he reckoned
it wore out the gearbox.
Ha! I always remember my dad saying
to me when we were a kid,
we lived at... You've been down my
street, so it's a narrow street,
and they were doing...
It used to be cobbled and they were
putting the tarmac down,
and when they were digging
the cobbles out, I said,
"What are they doing, Dad?" He said,
"Oh, they're getting it ready.
"They're going to put a swimming
pool in front of the house."
And I believed it!
The disappointment when they come
pouring the tarmac down.
THEY LAUGH
Now, overnight,
the producers had been busy
concocting another nostalgic test.
This time, of us, the drivers.
And to find out what
they had in store,
we were told to park up
our dads' cars...
Ah, glorious.
...and head deep
into Grizedale Forest.
Which, tantalisingly, is an area
renowned for its rallying heritage.
ENGINE ROARS ECHO
Oh, gentleman!
Oh! Look at that!
Mark I I Escorts - on gravel?!
Ohh! We're in!
Oh, there's a challenge on this one.
Shall I get it?
Very good.
'"Time for some good,
old -fashioned dad motorsport.
'"A bit of rallying in the woods.
In these classic Ford Escorts,
'"you will see how close
you can get to a benchmark time
' "set by Stig's dad.'"
What are you laughing at?
I got through that.
That was good, that was good.
CHRIS LAUGHS
I was worried about the first line,
but then I just ploughed on.
I ploughed on. I'm sorry!
APPROACHING ENGINE
Oh, I think he's here.
Is this Stig's dad?
Yes, it was.
And he'd be laying down the gauntlet
in that British motorsport icon,
the MG Metro 6R4.
Born out of World Rallying's
deranged Group B era
back in the '80s, with 380
horsepower and four-wheel-drive...
...it was fair to say
that Stig's dad...
Dear Lord!
...was in his element.
Look at the top.
He's got a tank top on.
He's got a pair
of flares on as well.
Very nice.
Right! Your last rallying
experience, how did that end?
I rolled it.
Oh. Yeah, I hit a tree.
HE LAUGHS
Just as well then that our retro
motorsport-inspired challenge
would now play out
as a full-bore time trial
across four miles of torturous,
tree-lined gravel tracks.
As much a test of bravery
as it was skill,
Stig's dad would set off first
in the 6R4,
with our plucky Escorts
each lining up behind
to see who could finish
closest to the rally legend.
Harris is up to the line.
Mark I I Escort with 300 horsepower.
Here we go, then.
TIMER BEEPS
What?!
Where does it go?
I'm not quite sure!
HE YELLS
Wow! This is proper adrenaline
going now!
TIMER BEEPS
Oh, this is sketchy!
Man!
Come on, Fred.
Three, two, one.
TIMER BEEPS
GEARS GRIND
Not the smoothest of starts,
but we're off.
On the brake!
Steer it, Fred. Steer, steer!
Whoa!
So we were all up and running.
But, way out front,
the Stig's dad was flying.
And while we had no idea
how fast each other was going...
Overseer everywhere!
...all we could do was try
and stay on the road...
Got to get round!
Oh, that's lost time!
...and keep pushing
as hard as we dared.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa! Go, go, go!
Come on, switch on, McGuinness!
As we passed the halfway mark,
we were just hanging on.
Brake, brake, brake!
Oh, rescued it!
But fair play to Harris...
Trying drive on a line of sides!
...he found another level.
Whoa-h*-h*! Fully sideways!
No idea where I'm going,
I'm just guessing!
Oh, bit of a wobble!
The back end's all over the shop!
Nearly headed off then!
As Stig's dad crossed
the finish line,
the end was in sight.
Wow!
Man!
If my dad could see me now! Go on!
Whoa!
I'm round!
Oh, I'm round in one piece.
That is proper driving, boys.
Loved it!
That's the first time I've been
round a rally stage and finished it.
Thank you. HE LAUGHS
I don't know if I'm fast
or 30 seconds behind you. Thank you.
I think we'll be pretty close.
I haven't got a clue.
The results! Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Paddy, that's me. Yep.
63 seconds slower than Stig's dad.
So that's a minute.
Ooh. Public school for you, that.
And three seconds!
Fred. Yep.
37 seconds slower than Stig's dad.
So he's nearly half a minute
quicker than you?
S... Yeah. I'm going to have to
have a steward's inquiry into that.
Can you say that out loud to me now?
Nearly half a minute?
That can't be right.
Anyway... I know
you're smiling on the outside,
but are you embarrassed on the in?
No, just hurting. FRED LAUGHS
Wait, because he's got the card,
he can keep reading...
No, no, no. But I don't mind...
If the tables were turned,
if the tables were turned...
I don't mind... If the tables
were turned, you would hammer him.
I wouldn't cos I'm...
I'm not about that.
Now... Now we're into
the meat and gravy.
Chris, you were only...
...12 seconds slower than Stig's dad!
Oh, Chris Harris. Well done, son.
That is quick, pal. Well done, pal.
That is quick! Well tried.
Right, there's more.
"These times will be
your handicap..."
Oh, God.
And I'm in a Fiesta.
You're already handicapped!
"..For the best bit
of any true dad's road trip -
"the dash to the ferry."
Oh!
"We've booked one space
on the Windermere Ferry,
"which departs in 20 minutes.
"First dad's car to get there
gets the space."
Right, we better get going.
Yes, in our last
and most important test,
we'd now have to get
back to the motors
and make a last-minute dash
for the ferry.
And with no phones, maps or sat navs
to help us,
that's right,
it was time to go full dad!
Oh, he's gone.
I'm going right, boys,
I'm going right.
When can I go? When can I go?
This reminds me of racing
to the hovercraft with my father.
Here we go,
we're off in the Cortina.
He set off quick as well.
I don't know
whether to go left or right,
so I'm going to go straight.
Come on, be the right choice!
' "Windermere via ferry'"?
Those are words I want to see!
GEARS GRIND
Here we go.
Oh, can't find it? Grind it.
No need for fancy wheels spins
in this.
Not with a top speed of 60. Ha!
Right, this way. Here we go.
The little Fiesta was on its way,
but already
a long way behind the others.
What's that?
Windermere? Is it that way?
To catch up, I 'd need
my dad - nav on full power.
Eh-up. Eh-up!
That's a sign!
MUSIC: Hush by Deep Purple
Where's Windermere?
Where is it? I can't see a lake.
I'm not sure this is the right way.
There's no lakes round here.
Do you know, you're so used to
looking at your modern dashboard,
where you've got your map on there,
in these old -school motors, you've
got to be like a homing pigeon.
And if you're not like
a homing pigeon...
Oh, I've got no idea
if I'm going the right way or what.
...you might well be forced
to do something deeply shameful.
HORN HONKS Excuse me.
Do you know which way
Windermere is, the lake?
I "m trying to get the ferry.
Right?
This is pretty. Oh, 30.
Windermere... Seven miles?!
Better get a wriggle on.
Oh, eh-up!
"Windermere via ferry"!
The race is on!
Brilliant. Thank you so much.
Hawkshead,
follow the signs to Hawkshead.
So Flintoff was on his way again
and now heading
straight for the ferry.
Road signs, road signs,
come on, come on.
Hawkshead, get in!
Get in!
But, by asking for directions,
he had, of course,
broken the dad code.
And the driving gods had soon
lined up a suitable punishment.
Oh, no. Come on.
I don't need to be behind
the camper van in the Lake District.
Blooming heck!
Ooh, what lake's this?
This looks quite big.
Here we go, boys!
As a family, we didn't really
win much, the Harrises,
we were a bit useless,
so this might be a maiden victory.
What's that there?
' "Welcome to Windermere Ferry.'"
Where is it? Down there?
Is this right?
Come on!
Oh, get this camper out the way!
It's got to be that way,
there's water down there.
Ferries like water.
I can't believe there's a ferry
down here. It's a bit narrow.
No, all wrong.
No signs for the ferry.
No nothing. Idiot.
Idiot, idiot, idiot.
Can I get past? Oh, I can.
We're going past,
the Cortina's overtaking.
It's only overtaking.
There's a lake!
Is that Lake Windermere?
Come on!
Oh, oh, oh!
Bloody hell, it's my dad's car!
Oh, here we are. What's that?
Via the ferry? That way.
Boats, that's a good sign.
Where am I now?
' "Windermere via ferry.'"
On track, lads.
Harris is definitely
going to have got there before me.
Definitely.
He's got there before me,
I know he has!
"Welcome to the ferry." I'm here!
Can I see him? Is he on? Is he on?
I can't be the first here.
I can't be!
They've shut the gate!
He's got to be on, it's a wind - up.
It's a wind - up,
he's got to be on here.
He must be!
Have you seen a little fella?
No?
HORN HONKS Oh, it's Flintoff!
You are winding me up.
I think the Fiesta's done it!
I think the little Fiesta's done it!
Oh! Dad, I hope you're seeing this!
How? How?
I don't know!
Did you ask for directions?
No, because I were driving
and there were a massive sign
saying Windermere.
That's just you all over!
What? No matter how far you drop,
your arse lands
in butter every time.
Oh, dear me! HORN HONKS
Eh-up. Oh, no.
Here he is.
Here we go. Oh, mate.
How?
I got carried away
and went off on the road.
I was enjoying it.
When I saw the sign saying ferry,
I turned right. Yeah.
But I didn't turn left,
I just turned right and carried on.
I've been to another village.
BUZZING
Also... Oh! Also... BUZZING
Lads, I can't talk, boys.
Dad's ferry's off.
Take your elbows off there, mate.
Have a good'un!
Right, Captain Birdseye,
get us out of here.
METAL GRATES
That wants some oil on it.
See you, Pad!
Have a good'un!
Come on, Chris. Let's go get
some food. Let's get some food.
THEY LAUGH
I'll do you a postcard, lads!
"From Dad, with love."
Lovely.
Right.
Bit chilly on these ferries.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Amazing.
You see? You want to skid
a supercar around Silverstone,
call Chris Harris.
But if you want to get
to a small ferry
in the north of England on time,
you'll be needing me
and an old Fiesta.
It doesn't get more dad than that.
Lovely stuff!
Pad, the producers
stuck you on a ferry
to somewhere you didn't want to go.
You didn't so much win
as get deported.
Yeah, I did realise that
when I got to the other side
and no-one were there.
So I got back on, come across
and there was no-one there either.
Me and Chris did
have a lovely dinner.
Did you? We did.
Genuinely, I think this
is my favourite thing we've done.
Yeah. Just pottering round
the Lake District in old cars.
It just shows you, you don't have
to go abroad to have some fun.
Absolutely.
And I know we've been
talking about dads all show,
but we haven't forgot
about you, mums.
Happy Mother's Day, mums!
Happy Mother's Day! Mwah!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Love the mums!
We're back next week
with the best Bond cars ever. Yes!
And this lunatic races
another lunatic in a jetpack.
There goes the no-claims.
LAUGHTER
See you then. Goodnight!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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30x01 - Episode 1
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The hosts talk about everything car-related. From new cars to how they're fueled, this show has it all.
The hosts talk about everything car-related. From new cars to how they're fueled, this show has it all.