03x19 - A Takedown of Billionaires Rihanna, Beyoncé, and Oprah

[bunniefuu]

- [Sam] Tonight.

Absolutely loving the
texture of everything.

it's Josh Ruben.

[Josh sighs]

- Oh.

Oh.

[Josh gasps]

Oh.

[Josh squeals]

Oh.

- [Sam] Like a cartoon pig

to a steaming pie on a
window sill, it's Zac Oyama.

[Zac mimicking pig grunting]

- [Zac] Ooh.

[Zac squeals]

- [Sam] And doing an old timey
strip tease through the door,

it's Brennan Lee Mulligan.

- Ooh.

[crew laughing]

[Sam laughs]

This may take a while.

The garments are quite complicated.

[Sam laughs]

- [Sam] They're all here to...

- [Players] "Make Some Noise."

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music continues]

- Welcome to "Make Some Noise,"

the game so good, we
spun it off unchanged.

I am your host, Sam Reich.

Here's how the show works.

- [Sam] What is happening over there?
[cast making fighting noises]

I have here a series of
improvisational prompts

our players have never seen before.

Isn't that right, players?

- We're a little busy, Sam
trying to save the universe.

- They will, to the best of their ability,

fulfill those prompts.

I will award them corresponding points

and the winner will go home
with the coveted golden ear.

Straight up, we have no
idea where these came from.

Players, are you ready to rumble?

- Yes, Sam-sei.

- Yes, Sam-sei.

- Yes, Sam-sei.

- Jesh. Did I get that right?

- Yeah, that's right.

- Zec?

- That's correct.

- Bronnon.
- Bronnon.

- Got it.
- Bronnon.

- That brings us to round one.

Josh.
- Huh?

- "Tom Cruise explains his dangerous new

'Mission Impossible' stunt."
- Ha ha.

Ha!
[Brennan laughs]

All right, we all watched
me take a bike off a cliff.

Now I'm gonna pick up a little kid,

jump on a plane through
a roof, through a train,

and into a big pool.

Now, I wanna do all this in
my sleep with my hands tied.

I want everyone to go to bed.

I'm gonna go to bed too,
and I wanna eat a big cookie

that's gonna put me to sleep,
not keep me up all night.

'Cause I'm gonna need
those carbs in my dreams

to be able to jump off
a cliff through a roof

in a train, in a pool with
my hands tied down in bed.

[Sam laughs]
- [Josh] We'll find out.

[Zac and Brennan laughs]

- [Sam] Josh.
- Yeah?

- I'm so sorry.

I just realized I got this wrong.

- Wait, what is it?

- "Tom Cruise's new
'Mission Impossible' stunt

goes terribly wrong."

- Okay, I'm gonna go to bed now.

All right, cool. Yeah, tie me down.

All right.

- Do you want your big cookie right-

- Yeah, big cookie
that'll put me to sleep.

- Okay.

- All right, go ahead and
feed it to me. Go ahead.

Here we go, bud.

[Josh mimics chewing]

- Turn it. Turn it.

- Yeah. No, I can do it.

All right, I'm gonna go to bed now.

Little do they know I'm
allergic [coughs] to flour.

- [Josh] It's fine.

[Josh gasping]

I'm fine. [coughs]

[Sam laughs]

I'm having an allergic attack,

but I'm not gonna tell
anyone 'cause I'm Tom Cruise.

[Josh sighs]

[Sam laughs]

Whoa. The afterlife is really cool.

[Sam laughs]

Vroom, vroom, angels.

[Sam and crew laughing]

I'm a ghost now.

Okay, God. Let's do a cool stunt now.

I'm going through your camera.

- Mr. Cruise has gone into cardiac arrest.

Something's blocking his air capacity.

As a doctor, what I'd recommend
is we need to feed him

a second really big cookie-
- Really large cookie.

- Oh no, no, guys, please, no.

Ah, come on.
- And turn it.

And start turning it.
- Turn it.

- They're feeding my dead mouth a cookie.

- I'm gonna work his jaw.
- Yeah, yeah.

- And you get the cookie in.

Mr. Cruise, swallow!

- Oh my God. It's working.

[Josh sucking in air]

[Josh gasps]

Oh, man, that was great.

- [Zac] Hey.
- Yeah?

- We got it.

[all laughing]

[buzzer buzzes]

- Good.

Probably one of the
weirder finale prompts.

- Not going through a
boat, a house with a child.

- No.

- Literally died after eating a cookie-

- A big cookie. Tied down.

- Seven points that do their
own stunts to you, Josh.

- [Zac] Oh my god.

- Which brings us to Zec.

- Ye?

- "Five rejected Mario idle animations."

- I forgot-a my watch.

[all laughing]

This is not-a my hat.

[all laughing]

This is-a my hat.

[all laughing]

[Sam laughs]

Oh, this is-a Luigi's hat.

Why does he write his name in-a my hat?

[all laughing]

[buzzer buzzes]

[Sam laughs]

- The hip swaying was so alarming.

- Let's say 10 stars, 60 moons,

but zero points to you.
- Yahoo!

- Wa-ha!

- Wah!

- Brennan.
- Yes.

- "Kermit the Frog representing
himself on a m*rder charge."

- Well, golly, I understand
that the prosecution

has presented a really compelling case.

[Sam laughs]

And obviously Fozzie
Bear was a close friend.

[all laughing]

- [Sam] Oh, no.

- But ask yourself this question.

If I were to be the one
that k*lled Fozzie Bear,

why would I have recorded going
to see him alone that night?

Wouldn't I have wanted to cover that up?

Doesn't this speak that I've been framed?

My name written in the ledger

of the motel was written
in pink glittery ink.

- Hm?

[all laughing]

- Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

you've been watching me in a really

toxic situation for decades
[all laughing]

and nobody's done anything.

[Josh grunting]

I understand that
there's a gender dynamic,

but Miss Piggy is four or
five times my physical size.

[Josh grunting]
She's incredibly strong

and I know that she's in the courtroom-

[Josh yelling]
[Brennan yelling]

[Sam laughing]

[buzzer buzzes]

[crew clapping]

- Let's say a "Takes Manhattan"
amount points for you-

- Wow.
- [Sam] Brennan.

- Josh.
- Why?

- "What D&D sounds like to
someone who doesn't play."

- Now, I'd like to just set the scene

for what we're all doing.
- Right.

- Everybody has horns, okay?
[all laughing]

And also, like, generally,
what are you all excited about?

I'm being a big dress.

Zac?

- I want to fight people.
I think that's fun.

- Awesome.

- Would love to sort of solve
the mystery at the core-

- Ah, that sounds silly.

Let's also talk generally

about what kind of horns do we have?

My horns, they sh**t g*ns
and they also do lasers.

Brennan?

- My horns sh**t g*ns and do lasers, too.

- Oh, sh*t. Zac?

- We all kind of have
the same set of horns.

- Should we all roll a
die and kind of talk,

talk about other stuff?
[Sam laughs]

Yeah, you go. Yeah.

- So far we're not announcing

what we get on the dice, is that normal?

- No, no, no. We should.

We should?
- Right.

- When you just rolled just now,

you get more horns, more
lasers and a bunch of g*ns.

[all laughing]

Yeah.
[button buzzes]

Yeah.

[Sam laughs]

I just wanna be included.
Just one episode.

- Stealth point check roll
with advantage for you, Josh.

- No idea.

- Moving right along to Zec.

- Ye.

- "John Wick realizes his dog

was just hiding under the bed."

[Zac grunting]

[Zac mimics b*ll*ts pinging]

[Zac grunts]

- That was for you,
Rufus. That was for you.

[Brennan barks]

[all laughing]

- I almost feel like I can
hear you, which is so f*cked up

because I k*lled so many people for you.

But I miss you every day, bud.

[Brennan barks]

Oh, no.
[all laughing]

Rufus?

Oh.

[Brennan panting]

Oh.

Hey bud.
[Sam laughs]

What you doin'?

Hey, what happened? I
thought you were dead.

Oh, no.

Hey, hey bud. I'm gonna make a phone call.

Medallion folks, what's going on?

[Sam laughs]

Listen, truce.

[Sam laughs]
[buzzer buzzes]

- "Listen."
- [Brennan] "Listen."

- "Listen."
- [Brennan] "Truce."

[Sam laughs]

- Let's say a k*lling spree
amount of points for you.

[Josh laughs]

- Oh, that's rad.

- Brennan, there is
nothing more that I love

of "Make Some Noise" than serving you up

a prompt to do with billionaires

and watching you take those dicks down.

- Oh no.

- "A take down of billionaires

Rihanna, Beyonce, and Oprah.

- [Josh] Oh.

[all laughing]

[Sam laughing]

- Ooh ugh.

[all laughing]

I'll be over here.

- So...

[all laughing]

You know, in the past
when I have belittled

billionaires of our country,

I think I've committed
a really great error,

which was not focusing on
the system of capitalism

rather than individual, and
I'm packing up to leave.

Because can we really expect

or anticipate the system to change

based on the actions of individuals?

[Brennan mimics window thudding]

[all laughing]

No, no, no.
[Sam laughing]

Windy.

My umbrella.

- Shields on windows.

[Josh imitating mechanical shades closing]

[Sam laughing]

- The important thing is,

it's fun to take the
sh*t out of Jeff Bezos

and Elon Musk because, you know,

they're kind of ridiculous individuals.

But we get lost sometimes
critiquing individuals

rather than the ways we're all complicit.

[Brennan mimics jack hammer thudding]

[all laughing]

Burrowing, burrowing, burrowing.

Hard hat.

Suitcase.

Wee!

[Zac and Josh making tunnel sounds]

- Send him back up.

Turn up thermostat.

- God. It's f*ck' hot.

There are some critiques
that people could offer

of certain individuals,

but I leave that to the
people that are in community

and can speak more to that than I.

[Sam laughs]

Wow, we're live streaming. Great.

But the important thing
that I wanna say is,

what is important is, here we go...

[frantic magical chanting]

[poofing out of existence sounds]

[Sam laughing]

- Counter spell.

Counter spell.

- f*ck, man, help me out!
[buzzer buzzes]

- [Sam] Cut!

- [Zac] A lot of people are mad.

[all laughing]

- Incredible.
- Who wrote that prompt?

- Paul Robalino.

- A truly great prompt.

- Mr. Big Head himself.

- Let's say a billion problematic

but well loved points for you, Brennan.

- Thank you.

- Josh.
- Yeah.

- I think you can understand it

when I say at a certain
point we just ran outta gas.

- Hit me, dude. I can do
f*cking anything, like my m...

[Josh gasps]

- [Sam] "Whatever Zac and Brennan want."

- Wow.

Let's do Robin Williams keeps
getting smaller and bigger.

- Well, here I am. Bigger
than everybody else.

[sounds of Josh crushing towns]

I'm so sorry about all the
leaders and civilians, I've-

Uh oh.

[all laughing]
Now I'm tiny.

Now I'm tiny. Please, don't step on me.

I think I shrunk the Robin. Why?

[all laughing]

- Could we do Tony Robbins
being attacked by seagulls?

- Well, the thing about being
a motivational speaker...

[Josh mimics seagulls squealing]

Is uh, you have to realize
for financial success...

[Josh mimics seagulls squealing]

f*ck.
[Sam laughs]

f*ck.

For financial success,
you have to be willing

to do anything.

Punch a bird, sorry. Punch out your debt.

f*ck!

[buzzer buzzes]

- That's pretty great, Josh.

Let's say a seagull noise amount of points

for you, Josh.

Zac, whatever Josh and Brennan want.

- I should have known.
[Josh laughs]

- A doctor about to operate

and he realizes he's never
used his left arm before.

- Scalpel.

[all laughing]

[all laughing]

Huh.

- Could you be a coroner who
looks in the rear view mirror

and realizes the body
got lost on the highway

like a half a mile ago?

[Sam laughs]

[all laughing]

[all laughing]

[buzzer buzzes]

[all laughing]

- Oh, Zac. A well timed
amount of points for you.

Brennan.
- Huh?

- [Sam] Whatever Josh and Zach want.

- Can you be King Arthur's
buddy, Chaz, who lost Excalibur?

[all laughing]

- I f*cking buffed it, dude.

[all laughing]

- Inarticulate "Braveheart."

[Zac laughs]

- Everybody here is Scottish!

[all laughing]

But if you're not, but
you wanna help, you can!

[all laughing]

My face is blue, part of it,
because these guys are mean

and they k*lled my wife and your wife,

maybe, too, if they did!

Let's get 'em!

[all laughing]
[buzzer buzzes]

- I don't like what it says about my job,

but those were all good.

[Brennan laughs]

Let's say a Snapple caps facts

amount of points for you, Brennan.

- [Zac] Snapple cap.

[upbeat music]

- This is a little mini game

that we like to call, "Name That."

In this case, dance moves.

- Okay.

- Players, it works like this.

I'm gonna show you a dance move.

You buzz in and name
that dance move for me.

Does that make sense?

- Okay. No problem.

- Could I have our first
dance move, please?

- Oh my god. Where's it coming...

- [Sam] Oh.

- Hi.

- [Josh] Hello.

[upbeat music]

- Oh.

[upbeat music continues]

[bell dings]

- Zac.

- The To and Fro.

- The To and Fro is pretty
good. I like that, Zac.

[bell dings]
Josh.

- The Mail Room.

- The Mail Room.
- Yeah, work in the mail room.

I mean, look at this.

[Sam laughs]
[bell dings]

Just imagine a bunch of f*ck' letters.

- Brennan.
- Uh, uh, Nipple Slappin'.

- I like Nipple Slapping.

- The fingers were
always within the areola.

- I am gonna say that that
point goes to Brennan.

- Yeah!

- And if I could have the
second dance move, please.

Music.

[upbeat rock music]

[all laughing]

[bell dings]
Josh.

- Oh my god, Uncle Mike's
having a heart attack.

Oh, no. Oh, no wait, he's fine.

Oh, now he's doing the sexy cat.

Okay. Yeah, no, I think he's good.

Oh, and he puked.

[bell dings]
- Brennan.

- Self-Administered Heimlich.
[Sam laughs]

[bell dings]

- Zac.

- The To and Fro!

[all laughing]

- Pretty good, Zac. I'm gonna
say this one goes to you.

- Okay.
[Brennan laughs]

- Dance move number three.

[electronic music]

sh*t.

[electronic music continues]

[bell dings]

Josh.

- Euro Dad.

- Euro Dad's good, Josh.
[bell dings]

Brennan.

- Marquess of Queensbury Rules.

- One more time.

- I actually have finally
gone off the deep end

where not a person in the studio

knows what the f*ck I'm talking about.

[all laughing]

- What are you talking about?

- Marquess Of Queensbury rules

are traditional rules in boxing.

When you see the little sort of, like,

the r*cist Irish caricature-
- [Sam] Yes.

- Of the like-
- Yes, yes, yes.

- Fists facing. That's
Marquess of Queensbury.

I've done a lot of deep cuts

and no one was with me on that one.

- [Zac] I did not.
[Sam and crew laughing]

- Dead quiet.

[bell dings]
- Zac.

- I just lost a game of
Fortnite to a 10-year-old.

[all laughing]

They're being mean to me.

- Yeah, Zac, we're gonna say
you for that one as well.

- You don't have to.

- If I could please have
dance move number four.

[upbeat electronic music]

[upbeat electronic music continues]

[bell dings]
Brennan.

- Nipple first aid after the first dance.

[Sam laughs]

Smearing ointment on your n*pples.

[bell dings]
- Zac.

- I'm not sure if anyone
has said this yet. Euro Dad.

[all laughing]

- That's really good, Zac.
- Cool.

[Sam laughs]
[bell dings]

- Josh.
- I actually think Euro Dad,

which was my original idea,

applies more to this one or equally,

so let's just imagine that
you heard it from me first.

- You're just gonna do the
same prompt that Zac did?

- So, but-
[bell dings]

- Brennan.

- Euro Dad.
[all laughing]

- Interesting!

[Sam laughs]

- [Josh] Really think it applies to-

- [Zac] Why would you do that?

- [Brennan] I don't know,
man, I just, that came to me.

There's a lot of-
- No way.

Apparently that move is
in fact called Euro Dad.

[Zac gasps]

Which means that that has got to go

to Zac for his inventiveness.

[all laughing]
Well done, Zac.

- [Dad] Congratulations, Zac.

- [Zac] Oh my god.
- I mean, you gotta credit

the originator, right?

- [Zac] I'm sorry to you.

[Josh grunts]

[all laughing]

- And last but not least,

if I could please have dance number five.

[upbeat rhythmic music]

Oh.

- [Sam] Woo.
[crew cheering]

- [Sam] Damn.

[bell dings]
Zac.

- Flamingo Mating Season.

- That's actually, like,

maybe the first great
submission that we've had

this whole game.
[all laughing]

[bell dings]
Josh.

- Spooky, Scary, Fun, and Hairy.

- That's pretty good.
[bell dings]

Brennan.

- Cobra Could Care.

You're like smearing a little...

- Reluctantly, this point goes to Josh.

[Brennan laughs]

Dad, I want to thank you so much

for treating us to your dance moves today.

- Thank you for having me.

- You are a formidable stage presence.

[all clapping]
- Thank you, thank you.

[soft upbeat music]

- That brings us to round two,

where our players will
now test their talents

in teams of twos.

Josh.
- Why?

- Zach.
- Yeah.

- "Two boom guys on Variety's
'Boom Guys on Boom Guys.'"

- You know I got hit in
the head by Bob Richardson

on the set of, uh-

- Bob hit a lot of people.
- Yeah, he did.

- And actually a little lower.

- Sorry.
- [Zac] You can go lower.

- I'm just gonna go behind the head.

Or actually I can go lower like this.

- Can I see frame?

[Sam laughs]

Little lower.

- Do you have any
Cardellinis or no? You good?

- Cardellinis? Let me check.

Cardellinis?

- The thing is, us sound guys,

normally we get hit in the head a lot.

- We actually hit ourselves
with the the pole a lot.

- Yeah, sometimes,
that's just how it works,

where you could walk
backwards, fall, hit your head,

especially if you're
working with Bob Richardson.

- So Bob's hit a lot
of people in the head.

- Did you ever get hit by him or no?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

- Three times. Pop, pop, pop.

- Pop, pop, pop.

- It was just a closed set and
I walked in a little too far.

- You ever fall off a condor?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?
- [Zac] A couple times.

- Me too.
- Actually a little lower.

- Oh, sorry. How's frame?

How's frame?

- Can we paint that out?

- Yeah, we could the Fincher.
- [Zac] I'm buying it.

[buzzer buzzes]
- We could do the Fincher

and paint it out.

- What is a Cardellini clamp?

- What isn't a Cardellini clamp?

- 65 points peaking out
of control to you both.

- [Zac] Oh.

- Zac.
- Mm-hm?

- And Brennan.
- Yeah?

- "One of these students
clearly did all the work

on the group project."
[Josh laughs]

- Thank you.
[all laughing]

- Okay, so, each of the binders relates to

one of the parties in the mock contract

that our professor wants us to look at.

So essentially it's a multi-part deal

between what would be
primary talent or the actor,

this would be the producer,
this would be the studio,

and then this would be for the director

who's only attached if
the star is attached.

So that was theoretically

supposed to be us and the other two guys.

The other two guys kind of bailed, uh-

- I mean unreal, right?

[all laughing]

- All we're basically
looking for here is...

- Look at this message.

[Sam laughs]

And then I said this.
That's pretty good, right?

[Sam laughs]

- It's awesome that someone
said hey to you on Bumble.

That's so, that's so sick.

But ultimately we...

Yeah, there's not a lot of
follow up in these conversations.

[all laughing]

- I just, I'm building connections.

- Not with me.
[Sam laughs]

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

I'm sorry, dude.
[Sam laughs]

I just need to know if you
got the binders for them,

because that was the one thing.

Your dad literally owns a print shop.

It's the easiest thing for you to do.

It's actually quite difficult for me

to do that with my resources.

- Can I tell you something?

Your words have an effect on people.

[Sam laughing]

I mean, maybe I didn't get the binders,

but maybe that's because you-
- You can't just-

- Said something really
f*cking hurtful to me.

- So the reason you didn't
do something in the past

is because of what I said right now?

[all laughing]

The reason you didn't do something already

is because of what happened now?

After you already-
- It's a group project, okay?

- Mr. Richardson, Mr. Pinks,

truly looking forward
to your presentation.

How are you feeling about it?

- Thanks, dad. I'm good.

- Oh, good.
[Sam laughs]

[buzzer buzzes]

Hope you like the print shop.

[all laughing]

- Let's say 35 out of


Please see me after class.

- What?
- What?

- Brennan and Josh.

- Oi.
- Why?

- "A reanimated corpse is somehow

nailing this job interview."

- So this says that you were,

you were first class
at Harvard University.

Let me understand that.

Were you first in class or are you saying

you were in the first class

that graduated Harvard University?

Because I'll tell you what,
if you're in the first class

that graduated Harvard
University, that's incredible,

but that would make
you like 180 years old.

[Sam laughing]

You founded AT&T.

That's remarkable job experience.

Special skills: still being alive.

That is out of control.
[all laughing]

That is so fascinating.

Now for references,

I'm noticing that we don't
have telephone numbers listed.

We just have addresses that
all say the Colony of Virginia.

[Sam and crew laughing]

Sir, I'm gonna be honest.

You're covered in flies and maggots

[Sam laughs]

and you have a stink like
nothing I've ever smelled before

and we need you working at Jackson-Hewitt.

Please put it right...

[Brennan yells]

[buzzer buzzes]
[Sam laughing]

- Zero points to you both. Far too scary.

Which brings us all the way back to Josh.

- Why?

- And Zac.
- Yeah.

- This one might be a touch familiar.

"Jigsaw might just be a little lonely."

[Zac gasps]

- Where am I?

- Welcome to the death zone.

- You're Jigsaw, right? You
got me the last time, man.

I was in that room with the blanket.
[Josh making tricycle noises]

- That's right. Welcome back to hell.

- [Zac] Ah!

- But first, um, you want see a cool move

I can do on my tricycle?
[all laughing]

- Sure, I'll watch a cool move.

- Okay, check this out. Ready?

- Okay. Yeah, yeah.

[Josh mimics tricycle squeaking]

Yeah, back up a little
bit. You want speed.

[Josh mimics tricycle squeaking]

Oh, that's it?

- Oh.
- That's pretty cool, right?

[all laughing]

- Yeah.

- Do you want to know
what my favorite color is?

[all laughing]

- Yeah, like, what's your favorite color?

- Chartreuse.

- Chartreuse. Wow.

That's not a lot of
people's favorite color.

That's really special.

- What's your favorite color?

- Blue.

It's blue.
- Cool.

[Josh mimics tricycle squeaking]

[all laughing]

- Hey, Jigsaw, I just wanted
to put it out there, like,

you don't have to sort of kidnap me

and t*rture me in order to hang out.

I would just, I just hang out

if you ever wanted to just hang out.

- Oh, that's cool.

Well, I actually feel pretty
good about our conversation,

so here's 100 rats eating
you from the inside out.

- No, no, no, no, no.
- Bye, bye.

[Zac grunts]

[Sam laughs]

[Zac grunting]

[Josh mimics tricycle squeaking]

- Jigsaw, you're a f*cking loser.

- f*ck you, dude.

[all laughing]

[buzzer buzzes]

- [Brennan] "f*ck you, dude."

- Jesus Christ, Josh.

- f*ck you, dude.

- 12 points inside one another's stomachs

for the two of you.
[Brennan gasps]

Which brings us back to Zac.

- Okay.
- And Brennan.

- I was gonna say.

- "A noble knight's sworn oath

starts to concern their liege lord."

[Sam laughs]

- My Lord.
[Brennan grunts]

I've journeyed far to
pledge my fealty to you.

I have slain many a fowl beast,

[Brennan chuckles]
many a geese

- Hm?

- Running through the
fields within the shire.

The geese were absolutely out of control.

[all laughing]

Many fell to my blade.

They have those long, slender necks.

Pretty easy to take out.
[all laughing]

I didn't eat any of 'em.

I don't like eating
geese. It's sort of gamey.

But enough about that.
[all laughing]

I'm here and I will do whatever you want.

I will k*ll whoever you want.

I will slay whatever geese

may run afoul of you, pun intended.

[all laughing]

But enough about that.
[all laughing]

What were you saying?

- I didn't say sh*t,
man. I didn't say sh*t.

You keep saying enough about
that, and frankly, Sir Bravas,

I disagree that we've
had enough about that.

How many geese did you k*ll
on the way to the castle?

- 60...
- Holy-

- 70,000.

- Se...

[all laughing]

- There are no more geese in these lands

for I have taken them all
out in your name and I shot-

- In my name?!

- "Lord Kilbington," I
said. "For Kilbington!"

- What the?

Oh goddammit, there's
an angry mob outside,

you piece of sh*t.

- It's f*cked up what he did!

- Peasants?

- Yeah?

- I'm handling it.

- You're welcome.
- [Josh] Oh, there he is.

- Goddammit.
[all laughing]

[Brennan sighs]

- But enough about that.

[buzzer buzzes]
- [Brennan] Stop saying

"Enough about that."
- Enough about that.

- It was really nice to see
you do the heavy lifting

in that scene and
Brennan just stand there.

- I mean, this man lifts me up.

[Brennan chortles]

- A very noble amount of
points for the both of you.

Brennan.

- Yes.
- And Josh.

[Josh grunts]

This one feels a little familiar, too.

"Two grizzled fishermen
compare love stories."

- I once walked in and locked eyes

with a lovely miss who saw me and said,

"I must tear off his old sea
salty clothes immediately

for he is mine twin flame."

- You dare to speak of love to me?

Your love is nothing more than a limp

and shriveled sardine at
the bottom of the can,

left to rot under the
fearsome tempest of my love,

for my love is none other
than the sea herself

whose foamy waves rise up each night

to stroke my gooch and butt hole.

[Sam and crew laughing]

I wade out into the tide,

my feet shredded by the
barnacles outside of my bungalow,

and I stand amidst the foam

under the light of the full moon

and the waves come up and gently lap

the gooch and butt hole and
the very back of my scrotum.

I say, "Great ocean, I
love thee and thee alone"

and then I bust in the waves.
[all laughing]

- Okay, okay.

I was literally just telling you a tale

of how I met my wife.
[all laughing]

- Your wife is a two day old breakfast

compared to the buxom beauty
that is bunches of waves.

[all laughing]

- Show me.

- Okay, let's wade out there.

Ow, feet hurt, oh, barnacles.
- Ooh, ooh, ooh.

It's cold as well.

- My darling wife, the briny deep.

If you're into it, I found
this guy on the boardwalk

and I was thinking third?

[Sam giggles and crew laughing]

- It's a tidal wave!

- Oh.

- Oh, get ready.
- Here we go.

- Here we go.
- I'm ready now.

Oh!

- [Josh And Brennan] Oh!

- Oi yoi yoi.

- Oi yoi yoi yoi.

Oh, I'm being rolled in a rip tide

and I'm being shredded on the ocean floor.

- Wow, what an honor.

- Best I've ever had!

- That's what I'm talking about.

[buzzer buzzes]
- [Sam] And cut.

Holy sh*t.
[Josh laughing]

- Are you sure?

- Six boats against the current

borne back ceaselessly into the past-

- "Great Gatsby."
- For the both of you.

- [Josh] Okay.
[soft upbeat music]

- That brings us to our final mini game.

This is a little mini game

that we like to call "Back to Basics."

Now I've gotten some feedback
that folks miss the earlier,

simpler, more competitive
episodes of "Make Some Noise."

- Aww.

- And so, players, this
is gonna work as follows.

I'm going to give you
each a sound effect to do.

I will then award the
point to whoever I think

did the sound effect the most accurately.

Make sense?

- Good luck.

- Good f*cking luck out there, dude.

[Sam laughs]

- Oh, sh*t.

- Your first sound is pig.

Josh, let's start with you.

[Josh mimics pig squealing]

Pretty good, Josh.

Zac, let's see what you got.

[Zac mimics pig squealing]

Ooh, that's tough competition, Zac.

- Yeah.

- Brennan, let's see what you got.

- You have the right to remain silent.

- Oh!

- What's up m*therf*cker?

- sh*t!

sh*t!

- Woo!
- Woo!

- Got 'em!

[Sam sighs]

- That's very good, Brennan.
[Brennan laughs]

I am gonna give that point to Zac.

- Wow. Pro cop.

- Next up, beatboxing.

Josh.

♪ A petta bi-de-pa-pa ♪

♪ A petta bi-de-pa-pa ♪

♪ A poom-da-poom-da-poom pop pop pop ♪

♪ And poom-da-poom-da pop pop ♪

♪ A turdy turd in a turd ♪

♪ A Lucky Charms, a
beat-o-box of Lucky Charms ♪

♪ Fabulously delicious ♪
[all laughing]

- What?

Zac.

[Zac mimics Josh rapping]

- He gets the points.

♪ Lucky Charms ♪

- Incredible entry, Zac.

Brennan.

[Brennan beat boxing]

♪ They're great ♪

[all laughing]
[Brennan beat boxing]

♪ Follow, follow, follow your nose ♪

[all laughing]
[buzzer buzzes]

- Unreal.

That point is gonna go-

- That was f*cking sick, dude.

- To Josh.
[Brennan gasps]

- [Brennan] Wow.

- Next up, Josh.

A flame thrower.

[Josh mimics flames whooshing]

[Josh mimics flames whooshing]

Very good, Josh. Love the scene setting.

Zac.

[Zac mimics buckles buckling]

- Oh, buckles. f*ck yeah.

[Zac mimics machine leaking]

[Zac mimics flames whooshing]

[Zac mimics flames whooshing]

[all laughing]

[Zac mimics tightening the valve]

- I love, Zac, that you were full on

in the world of your imagination

and then just had a
moment of what the fu...

- I was like, I truly have
nothing to add to the impression.

- Yeah.
- Beyond that-

- Yeah, it was great, though.
- I was like, you kinda

covered all the things
'cause I put buckles on.

- Yeah, the buckles.
[Sam laughs]

- Actually pretty, the buckles.

- Brennan.

[Brennan mimics buckles clicking]

- Oh, sh*t.

- A lot of buckles.

[Sam laughs]

[Brennan mimics device unscrewing]

[Josh laughs]

- Oh!

Oh!

- Flame thrower.

- This was just a nice costume.

[all laughing]

- Tons of buckles.

- He got dressed up to protest.

- Brennan winning all the comedy points.

- And none of the actual points.

- I think that goes to Zac.

- [Sam] Last one.

Grant O'Brien.

- [Brennan] Hey!
- [Josh] Oh!

- Oh no.
- He's arrived.

- Today, I'm making a Mezcal Negroni.

[Sam and crew laughing]

- It's also called the Oaxacan Negroni.

- Ain't that the truth?

- Wow. Pretty good.

Zac.

- Turn around.

Making a Mezcal Negroni.

Ooh, oh.
[Josh laughs]

Looks like I, uh...

Has anyone seen the stirrer?

Oh, it was up my sleeve.

- Let me tell you something.

I have a bit of a tremor in my hands

and on "Dirty Laundry,"

there's a lot of closeups of my hands.

- Yes.

- Could it be the drinking? Who's to say?

Anyway, Brennan, what's going on with you?

[Brennan gasps]

- Bill?

Fred?

Paul?

Oh, where's the rest of
my barbershop quartet?

[all laughing]

Well, they're all gone.

Time to make a breakfast.

Yogurt cup, big plate of loose cereal.

Stirrer.

Oh, what is that?

A little hummus cup. That
can go with breakfast.

And a donut, and a donut, and a donut.

Oop.
[all laughing]

- You forgot about my breakfast Negroni.

[all laughing]

Don't know that I appreciate that.

- Grant, which one of these impressions

did you think was the most accurate?

- I mean, I love barbershop.

It's gonna have to go to Brennan

- Grant, would you do us
the honor and privilege

of sticking around for round three?

- Well, it's your funeral.

[Sam laughing]
[players cheering]

- Hey, fellas.

A little honorary Noise Boy.

[players cheering]

[lively flute music]

And that brings us to round three

where our players will now hold hands

and jump into the abyss together.

- Leap-
- Brothers!

- Josh.
- Yeah.

- Zac.
- Yeah.

- Grant.
- Yeah.

- Brennan.
- Yep.

- "One mafioso is too
invested in the business

that's supposed to be a front."

- All right, so that's the plan everybody.

So what do we all think?

- That sounds good to me.

- I think the thing we gotta
remember here is this, right,

all of that money is gonna have to go

through the laundromat.

Once we get that heist, we
gotta get those bills cleans

and we gotta get 'em clean fast.

- Yeah, that's right, Mario.

- Can I ask a question real quick?

[Sam laughs]

You know, a lot of places are moving over

to a card system rather than coins.

[all laughing]

People can load it up with
a credit card that way.

- The banks where we're
stealing the money from?

- No, no, no, the laundromats.

All over town.

'Cause who has quarters anymore, huh? Huh?

Who has quarters?

- Tony, if we're not a cash business,

we can't launder the f*cking
money we're stealing.

- That's the whole point
of the money of it all.

- The whole point is-
- The money of it all.

- It being a cash business.

- You're looking at this all wrong.

The bank has what, $300,000 in a year

of EBITDA on the laundromat,

we're looking at at least half a million.

- Half a million?

That's kind of a lot.
- You said EBITA?

What's that?
- EBITA.

- Don't let his biz dev buzzwords...

[Sam laughs]

I mean if we wanted the
laundromat to really work,

I would say we should get
a space with lower rent.

I mean what's the foot
traffic on that street anyway?

We could probably move to
a more affordable location.

And actually those
little micro laundromats

are really huge in Europe right now.

[Sam laughs]

- Well look, if we mortgage
the existing business,

then we can open an LLC to run it

and use the debt to
purchase a new location.

- What the f*ck?

I was just thinking we'd
keep it simple. Extort.

What are the f*ck are
you talking about LLCs-

- Well, we still can extort,

'cause what we do is we
open a second location,

we franchise it, now we're
a chain of laundromats.

We open a credit card.

You can spend cash and
have laundry bucks maybe

and make an incentive program.

- And how about a logo with an Italian guy

with a big mustache?
- And it's made of bubbles!

- Made of bubbles.
- Wait, we can do this.

- It's good.

- I have to say, two of you
seem really enthusiastic

about this front.

- I think it's three of us kind of.

- I'm kind of on the fence,

but I'm actually leaning towards.

[Sam laughs]
[buzzer buzzes]

- Nothing I love more than
the funny man in a scene

winning people over to their side.

Let's say 50K points
under the table to yous.

Which brings us to Josh.
- Huh?

- Zac.
- Huh?

- Grant.
- Huh?

- Brennan.
- Huh?!

- "One of the daddy-daughter talks

at the end of every episode
of 'My Three Dads.'"

- Sweetheart.
[crew laughing]

- Come on. Tough day.

- Tough day, huh?
- Tough day at school.

- Take a sit on down.

- Why don't we all sit down?

- We can sit on down.
- Let's all sit down.

[Sam and crew laughing]

- Are you okay?

- Also on my knee too.

- Sit on everyone's lap.

- Sit on everyone's lap.
[all laughing]

- Everyone's gonna feel included.

- That's good.

- Everyone's gonna feel included.

[Sam laughs]

- All right.

- Kiddo, we want you to know something,

and I speak for not only myself,
but every one of your dads.

- Yeah.
- Mm-hm.

- We're so proud of you.

- Thanks, dad.

I just wish that I was
better at roller skating

and I really feel like I humiliated myself

in front of the whole school.

- No, no, sweetheart, look,
we've all done crazy things.

Like for example, dad
number two fell really hard

at Rockefeller Plaza,

broke his ankle in front
of 10,000 tourists.

- Remember that?
- Yeah.

- Wasn't that funny?

- When the other kids say mean things,

it's not because of
anything wrong you did.

They feel scared and insecure themselves.

Just like I felt scared and insecure

when all three of us jumped
out of that cloning machine

of the first dad who died.

[all laughing]

- [Josh] Yeah.

- But we made it through, right?

- Yeah, we made it through

and all of our brains work just fine.

- Do you ever miss dad number one?

[Sam laughing]

As in the true dad number one? Not you.

- We're all the true dad
number one now, sweetheart.

- What makes a true dad?

Is a true dad the first instance

of that sequence of DNA
existing on the planet?

Or is the true dad the dad who shows up?

[Sam and crew laughing]

- That makes sense.
- You wanna see a cool trick?

- Hey dad.

- Remember that?
- Yeah?

- I think we gotta do
dad removal protocol.

- Oh.
- Okay.

- Not this again.
- Oh, brother.

[Brennan mimics buttons beeping]

- Wait guys, what...

Are we really-

[Josh yells]

[Josh groaning]

[Josh grunting]
[all laughing]

- Now I think that's a little bit messier

than a slip on some roller skates.

[Sam laughs]

[cheery music]

[buzzer buzzes]

[all laughing]

- [Sam] Was that a flame
thrower at the end there?

- Yeah, flame throwing.

- A studio audience of awws
amount of points for you.

That brings us to the
last prompt of our game.

- Oh, no.
- f*ck.

- [Sam] Can you believe?
- The fun we've had.

- Man.

- "Aliens whose only
understanding of the human race

is from Dropout content."

- I just want to offer something

'cause I think that we've been tasked

to come up with the invasion
plan to conquer this planet.

- Yeah.

- I've only just watched
the clips on Instagram.

I haven't-
[Sam laughs]

I don't actually have a subscription to...

And people I know watch it on TikTok,

so I don't have like a full deep...

- I don't, either.

- I have one. I have a
Dropout subscription.

- You do? Okay, pray tell.

- Would we get in trouble if
we just shared that between us?

- I don't know.

I think they're actually
kind of cool about it.

[Sam laughs]

- There's not that much content.

You can kind of burn through it

in four, five months and then cancel.

- How are they really going to enforce

password sharing on a
program like Dropout anyway?

- I do have a pitch for the invasion plan.

- Okay.

- "Rank Room."
- "Rank Room?"

- [Josh] Bring in "Rank Room?"

- Bring "Rank Room" back?

- We bring "Rank Room" back.

- What if we went in and
got some of the really old,

problematic stuff that's deep there,

deep, deep in there,
and kind of algorithm,

bubble that up.

- And then, you know.

- Some of that "Dirty Laundry" B-roll

that we leave on the cutting room floor.

We? They.

They leave on the cutting room floor.

- They, they.

[Grant gasps]

- Grant O'Brien, you m*therf*cker.

- He sucks.
- Okay, now listen.

I can help, I can help you.

Listen, you can take
over Dropout no problem.

Everyone's like f*cking 40.

[all laughing]

- Can I get a Paper Plane?

- Yeah. Oh, you like Paper Planes?

It's an equal parts c*ck,
which I think is really nice.

- That's what it starts with.
- That's right.

It's a modern take on a classic

that I think is beautiful.

[Grant yelling]

- Yes, yes.

- God, it was all yogurt in there.

[all laughing]

[buzzer buzzes]

[Sam laughing]

- Good protein. It's good protein.

- Get a nice Chobani.
- Yeah!

- That was excellent.

Just $5.99 points per month.

- Wow. That's a pretty good deal.

- That brings us to the end of our show.

Our winner tonight...

Zac Oyama.
[players cheering]

Zac, you are the recipient
of the coveted golden ear.

- Thank you, Sam.

- That does it for us
here at "Make Some Noise."

Tune in next time for
more of the game samer.

I'm Sam Reich and that
sounds pretty good to me.

Good night.

[chill music]

[chill music continues]

[chill music fades]