03x17 - A Singing Telegram Serving You for Property Encroachment

[bunniefuu]

- [Sam] Tonight, the
ghost of a Victorian child

with unfinished business,
it's Jess McKenna!

- [coughs] I left a small
wooden duck on the stairwell.

Fetch it for me, please.

- [Sam] The wacky neighbor
entering a sitcom,

it's Anna Garcia!
[Jess cheers and claps]

[crew cheering]

And deciding whether or
not to knock down a wall

and really open up the
place, it's D.J. Mausner!!

- Yeah, so we're gonna do that.

[Sam laughs]
I'm thinking all of this gone

and these guys three times bigger.

Thanks so much.

- [Sam] They're all here to...

- [All] Make some noise!

[lively exuberant music]

- Welcome to "Make Some Noise,"

the game so good we spun it off unchanged.

I am your host, Sam Reich.
Here's how the show works.

I have here a series of
improvisational prompts

our players have never seen before,

isn't that right, players?

- That's right.

- That's right.

- [Jess] That's right.
- Absolutely.

- That's right.
- That's right.

- Yeah.

- They will, to the best of their ability,

fulfill those prompts.

I will award them corresponding points,

and the winner will go home
with the coveted Golden Ear,

which can be exchanged for


and 8 million on "Whose
Line Is It Anyway?"

- The reboot or the original?

- The original with Clive Anderson.

- [All] Whoa!

- But before we get started,
a little warmup minigame.

This is a little minigame

we like to call Take Some Direction.

- I've played this one before!

- I'm gonna give you
all a line of dialogue

to repeat again and again and again.

As I do, I will give you direction,

microadjustments, if you will,

in order to affect your performances.

- Is anyone gonna send this

to my acting professor from college?

[Sam and Jess laughing]
- Microadjustments?

Is anyone gonna send this to
my chiropractor from college?

[Jess and Anna laughing]

- Jess, beginning with you,
your line is, no direction,

"Toto, I have a feeling
we're not in Kansas anymore."

- So you want it neutral?

- I wanna see what you,
your instincts are.

- Great, great.
- Did you like college?

- Loved it.
- Okay. [laughs]

- It's hard for me to be
in a place called Dropout

when all I wanna do is drop in!

[Anna, D.J., and crew laughing]

Okay. [clears throat]

Toto, I have a feeling
we're not in Kansas anymore.

- Anna, give me a little bit more.

- Toto, I have a feeling
we're not in Kansas anymore.

- D.J., give me a little bit more.

[strained] - Toto! I have a feeling
we're not in Kansas anymore!

- Jess, let me see mockingly.

- Toto, [scoffs]
[Sam giggles]

I have a feeling we're
not in Kansas anymore.

- Anna, give me, "Sorry to interrupt."

- Toto, hi.

[Sam laughs]
Um, [laughs]

I have a feeling that we
are not in Kansas anymore.

- D.J., give me, on
the tip of your tongue.

[D.J. taps podium]
[Anna laughs]

- Fi...

Toto!
[cast and crew laughing]

Uh, I, uh, I have a feeling

that we're not in Connecticut any...

Kansas anymore.

- Jess, give me, as the "lesson
moment" on a family sitcom.

[Jess chuckles warmly]
[gentle heartfelt music]

- Toto, I have a feeling
we're not in Kansas anymore.

- Anna, distracted by
multiple text messages.

- Toto, I...

[Sam and crew laughing]

Sorry, I have a feeling we're not in...

Kansas anymore.

- [Sam] D.J., like a sexy baby.

- [high-pitched] Toto,
[Jess, Sam & crew laughing]

- No!
- [Jess] No!

- [Anna] No!

- I have a feeling you
are na-ni-na-na-na-na.

[Sam and crew laughing]

- Jess, distracted by your
child playing with a knife.

[Anna and D.J. laughing]

- Toto, I have a fe-

[Anna, D.J., and Sam laughing]

- Anna, in a world where
it means "goodbye."

- Hey, this was really fun.

Toto, I have a feeling
we're not in Kansas anymore.

- D.J., as a pitcher's
superstitious wind-up routine.

- Toto.
[crew laughing]

[inhales sharply] I have
a feeling we're not in

Kansas anymore!

- Jess, as a call and
response hiking song.

♪ Toto ♪
♪ Toto ♪

♪ I have a feeling ♪
♪ I have a feeling ♪

♪ We're not ♪
♪ We're not ♪

♪ In Kansas anymore ♪

♪ In Kansas anymore ♪

- Anna, solving the
"Wheel of Fortune" puzzle.

- Toto, I have a feeling that
we're not in Kansas anymore!

[D.J. cheering and clapping]
- Wow! [claps]

- Yes! Yes!

- Really good.

- And finally, D.J.,
opening up an improv show.

- Today we're gonna be doing a cool format

called Toto, I have a feeling
we're not in Kansas anymore

if we can just get a word
and then we'll get started.

Thank you so much!

- And that is a minigame. I feel warm.

- [Jess] Yeah.
- [Anna] Yeah, I do.

- Which brings us to round one!

- Wow, scary round.

- Jess.
- Sam.

- Bimbo Baggins.
[contestants laughing]

- Um, okay, so it's like,

actually there's gonna be
this really cute moment

at the end of my birthday party where,

have you ever seen me with that one ring?

If you haven't noticed
it, like, where are you?

But um, I just need you to like,

low-key make sure like,
when I give you the signal,

make sure everyone at my
birthday party gathers round

'cause I'm gonna do this super cute thing

where I disappear forever

'cause you can't disappear if
no one's watching, you know?

That's just...
[Sam laughing]

Have you seen that ring? [smacks
lips] It's like, so cute.

[D.J. and Sam laughing]

I don't think I've seen anybody
else with a ring that cute

and so I'm gonna take
my little ring forever

and say, "Bye-bye."

[buzzer blares]
- [Sam] I love that, Jess.

That ring is like, too precious.

- It's like, so precious.
[D.J. laughing]

- "Desolation of Smaug" amount
of points for you, Jess.

- [gasps] Dang!
- Ooh!

- That's a whole dragon.

- Anna.

- Hi, I've yet to figure
out a running joke

when responding to Sam.

- A believable quintuple-take.

[cast laughing]

- Quintuple is-

- Five.
- Five. I knew it.

Sam cut me off 'cause he
doesn't believe women.

[Sam and crew laughing]

[Jess laughing]
- [D.J.] Whoo!

Actually, I threw in a couple extra.

- Yeah, you certainly did!
- [Jess] Yeah!

- There's no comedy there.

- No.
- I'm just acting for you.

- I'm wet.
[contestants & crew laughing]

- I'm gonna say five points
times five times five

times five times five.
- Whoa!

- I lost it, yeah.
- 125.

- [Sam] For you.

D.J.
- Yabba-dabba-doo!

[Anna laughing]
- Nailed it!

- An Italian dad insists
you taste this bolognese.

- Hey, Frankie, come over here.

You love your dad? Get the f*ck over here.

All right, now, I've been
cooking this up all day.

It's Nonno's recipe.

And you know what, I don't
like tasting with spoons

so you gotta put your whole fist in there.

Get a big handful. That's the DeLuca way.

You're not gonna put your big,

meaty ham sandwich paw in there

and take a bite of your daddy's bolognese?

Get your hand in there.
[Jess and crew laughing]

Thank you.

All right, now suck it off the fingers.

It's pretty good.

- Dad, I actually really hate this.

- Yeah, well, I got a whole
tray of cannolis over there

so you better get on board.

[buzzer blares]
- And well done, D.J.

- You can't be r*cist to Italians.

Nobody come into my DMs. Thank you.

- Yeah, I think Italians will
be the last group of people

that we can still make fun of.
- [laughs] Yes, yes.

- 50 homemade points for you.
It's an old family recipe.

- It's like Mama used to make.

- Jess.
- Sam.

- A singing telegram serving
you for property encroachment.

[contestants laughing]
And my question for you is,

do you know what property encroachment is?

- We'll find out?
[Sam laughs]

- Ding-dong.

[Anna mimics door creaking open]

♪ Oh, hello ♪

♪ A message from the Raffertys ♪

♪ They live just next door ♪

♪ They brought this to your attention ♪

♪ But they're bringing it once more ♪

♪ A little letter didn't
seem to do the trick ♪

♪ And so they sent me over,
but this'll be quick ♪

♪ You must have the eucalyptus
trees clip-clipped ♪

♪ They're gonna fall
over onto their pool ♪

♪ And I know that seems
like it's such a big rule ♪

♪ But we have rules for a reason ♪

♪ And oh no, it's the rainy reason ♪

♪ Eucalyptuses don't have deep roots ♪

♪ I know that might be news to you ♪

♪ But it's not news to the Raffertys ♪

♪ Who've seen the topple of the trees ♪

♪ And they are coming to ask, please ♪

- Yeah!
[Anna cheers excitedly]

[D.J. hooting and clapping]
[crew cheering]

- Oh, thank you.
[Anna and D.J. cheering]

Thank you. Is that what it means?

- It is what it means.
- Okay, great.

- [Sam] Holy sh*t!
- Wow!

- 32 points your lawyer should
really take a look at first.

- Yeah. Absolutely, yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

- Anna.
- Yes!

- [Sam] Disclaimers about
the guy you're seeing

before showing his picture
[contestants laughing]

to [laughs] your friends.
- Oh, that's really good.

- [Anna] Ugly guys!

Okay, so I'm gonna show you his pic.

- Yeah.

- [sighs] Listen.

So he doesn't post a lot
of himself on his Instagram

so you have to go through his tagged pics.

- Okay, yeah, that's cool that he's like,

not online that much.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

No, he like, puts photos of like,

nature and stuff like that.
- Cool.

- Oh, cool.

- So basically, [sighs] he
did a stint in the woods.

- He did a stint in the-
- A stint?

- He did a stint in the woods.

- Like, he was paid?

- No, no.
[Sam laughing]

- Did he do one of those
things where he like,

built his own cabin?
- Oh!

- No, no, he just did a stint.
- Oh, okay.

- So there's not a ton
of photos from the stint.

- Oh, okay.
- And then there's two,

two photos post-woods.
- Okay.

- One of them is a corrupt file.

- Oh.
- On Instagram?

- Crazy, right?

- Still tagged. Okay.
- Yeah.

And then the other one
is so like, pixelated.

- You haven't taken
like, a photo of him yet?

- Or with him?

- Oh, I can show you
a photo I took of him.

Oh man, it's live.

- That's okay.
- That's more.

- And it's right before his stint

so I don't know if I'd feel comfortable

showing you him before-
- Anna, you have to tell us.

Are you dating Bigfoot?
[Sam and crew laughing]

- [D.J.] Why is he, wait a minute.

- Why is he blurry in every photo?

- He's posed like this.
- [Sam] And... [laughs]

[buzzer blares]
- Greenscreen Bigfoot on here.

- Please, please. We beg you.
[Sam and Anna laughing]

- That would rule.
- Yeah!

- Five points that are
cuter in person to you.

- Hm, okay.

- D.J.
♪ Jane, his wife ♪

- The creator of the square wheel

is in denial about the round one.

- [exhales sharply] Guys,

you are gonna be blown away by this.

I was up all night, and
I've raced here to show you.

So let me...

Oh, you're gonna go first?

Oh, you know what, greatness
can wait. You go first.

- Okay, so I've created a round wheel.

It's a little smoother
in terms of mobility,

and we've tested it out on
multiple wagons and carts

[D.J. scoffs quietly]
and it seems to,

miles-per-hour-wise, really take off.

- That, I don't know.

[Sam laughing]
I don't think...

What if you go too fast? And I have...

So Anna, [shushes] I
have a solution for that.

Oh, it's caught on the corner.

Here it's...
[Sam and crew laughing]

Okay? Ever think that you
need to get somewhere slower?

[buzzer blares]
- I love that, D.J.

Seven sour grapes for you, let's say.

- Ha!
[cheerful music]

- That brings us to our second minigame.

This is a little minigame

we like to call Wrong Answers
Only: Rorschach Test Edition.

- Ooh!
- Whoa!

- Awesome, awesome.

- [Sam] How this is gonna work is,

players, I'm gonna show you

a series of Rorschach test images on here.

You simply buzz in and tell me

what your demented little mind sees.

- I'm just gonna be honest!
- Yeah.

[Sam laughing]
- Me too!

- Number one.

[bell rings]
Jess.

- A crab working out.

[bell rings]
- Yeah.

- [Sam] I totally see it, Jess.

- Oh no, is that too right?

- With the little biceps. D.J.

- My mom.
- Hmm.

[bell rings]

Follow-up questions for you there, D.J.

Anna.

- Ovaries system.
- Yes, for sure.

All of your psychological profiles-

- [Anna] That one's correct.
- will be delivered to you

after the show.
- Okay.

- Next up.

[bell rings]
- Ovaries.

[Sam and crew laughing]

[bell rings]
- D.J.

- My mom.
- Yeah.

[cast and crew laughing]

Suddenly-
[bell rings]

Jess.

- Rudolph the Red-Nosed
Reindeer looking in the mirror

to see if he has what it
takes to fly the sleigh.

- [Sam] The nose!
- [Jess] Do you see the nose?

- [Sam] Look at the nose!
- Yeah.

- I'm sorry, is that too right?

[cast and crew laughing]

- Another A+ for Jess McKenna.

[bell rings]
Anna.

- Chicken tenders?

- I see the tendies.

- This is a chicken tender,
this is a chicken tender.

- Yes, okay, I see it.

- This is like, clearly
two chicken tenders.

- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- I'm sort of ignoring this.

- Yes, yes, yes.

- But these are chicken tenders for me.

- Yes. Yep, got it.

- I kinda see here, this
is like dipping sauce.

- [Anna] Yeah.
- And then these are like,

three fries.
- Oh my god!

- And they're like, curly fries.

- Yes! And then that's my mom.

- Yeah. That's right.
[cast and crew laughing]

- Next up.

[bell rings]
- That's two Godzillas

in an argument and they're
facing away from each other.

- Very good, D.J. Yeah,
I totally see that.

[bell rings]
Anna.

- It's two men sticking their
tongues out at each other

with big, round noses.

They have hats, tongue,
little collar on their shirts.

- [D.J.] Oh!
- [Jess] Yeah.

- This I'm ignoring.
- Uh-huh. Sort of a trend.

- I love that Anna's decided to treat this

like a weather report every time.

[bell rings]
Jess.

- God's earlier draft of Pangaea.

- Wow!
- [Jess] Uh-huh.

He was like, "What if we had two Italys?"

- Jess, I'm gonna need it again.

- Oh, I'm sorry. Is that too right?

- [Sam] Yeah, there you go.

Number four.

[bell rings]
Anna.

- Sassy crab.
[Sam laughing]

[bell rings]
- D.J.

- Me going like this.

[cast and crew laughing]

And sort of that.
- [Sam] Yeah.

- Uncanny, the similarity.
- [Jess] Yeah.

[bell rings]
- Jess.

- Okay, this is the shadow of an alien,

and on this planet, like,
cool little modifications

you can make to your bod.

Like we would think of a
haircut, a piercing, a tattoo,

what these creatures can
do is actually carve away

a small section of their being,

so this is like, his
sick new forehead carve.

- Whoa.

- And so it's not casting a shadow.

And he's just hoping his
homies think it's cool.

- [Sam] Jess-
- I'm sorry.

Is that too right?
[D.J. laughing]

- I'm gonna say you would
have stumped the psychiatrist

[Jess and Anna laughing]
at this point.

- Matching forehead carves after the show?

- Dude!
- Yo!

- Next up.

[bell rings]
D.J.

- Guy wearing a Russian hat
with a handlebar mustache.

- [Anna] Yeah.
- [D.J.] You know what I mean?

- [Sam] Yeah, for sure.
- Like, go show us.

- [D.J.] This is like-
- Yes. Oh, I totally see it.

- That and the mustache,

and then that's the big furry Russian hat.

- And he's got a cool forehead carving.

- Yeah!
- [Jess] [laughs] Yeah.

[Sam laughing]

[bell rings]
- Anna.

- A little star.
[Sam laughs]

I'm ignoring all of this.

[cast and crew laughing]

- I don't think you know how this works.

[everyone laughing]

- That's going in the trailer.
- [D.J.] Oh, oh!

[bell rings]
- Jess.

- Okay, this is a top-down camera view

in an episode of "Chef's Table"

when they go to a three-star
Michelin restaurant,

and this is the dessert
they make on your table.

- 100%.
- [Anna] Oh my gosh.

At Alinea in Chicago.
- That's right.

- It's dessert at Alinea, yeah.

- Sorry, say it with me.

- [All] Is that too right?

- [Sam] Next up.

[bell rings]

- [Sam] Jess.
- That's a bug.

[bell rings]
Anna.

- That's a bug.

[bell rings]
- D.J.

- That's my mom if she was a bug.

[everyone laughing]

- [laughs] Last one.

- [D.J.] I'd like to thank my mom.

[bell rings]
- D.J.

- That's someone doing this dance. The...

[Sam laughing]

- Oh, it is!
- You know what?

- [Anna] There's two of them in there

so it's like this.
- [Sam] Rump to rump.

- And it's like this.

[Sam and crew laughing]
- Really good.

[bell rings]
- Jess.

- And as much as I agree,

it is also Mark Ruffalo in "Poor Things."

- Yeah.
- Yeah! [laughs]

- Yeah.
- Yes. And that is a minigame.

- I liked it.
[Anna and D.J. cheer]

- [Sam] Really, really-
- Whoo, that was fun.

- [D.J.] Yeah.
[lively upbeat music]

- How are you doing, Sam?

- Yeah, how are you?
- Yeah.

- Hey-
- Sam.

- Has anyone asked you that lately?

- I'm great.
- Oh, good.

- [Sam] Thanks to you three.
- [Anna] Aw.

- I get to sit here like a little king.

- You kind of are.

- [Jess] And that's what we call you.

- Entertain me, please!
[D.J. laughing]

Jess.
- Sam.

- Anna.
- Yahoo!

- [Sam] A child's lore dump-
- [Jess] [laughs] Oh my gosh.

- before their friend joins playtime.

- So Jenna, I'm super happy
that you could come by.

- Yeah, I'm so excited
to hang out finally.

- Yeah, real quick, before
we go into the backyard,

I just want you to
understand some of like,

what's already been going on back there.

- Okay.
- Okay, so the willow tree

in the corner, that's Mrs. Marcilhac.

She's a 3,000-year-old tree,

but she only smells of
butterscotch on the 3rd of March.

- What if it was a giant umbrella?

- Okay, Jenna...
[Sam, D.J. and crew laughing]

Jenna, there could absolutely
be a giant umbrella.

- Yeah!
- [Jess] But not there.

- Okay.
- Okay?

Just like, anywhere else.

What else could be a big-
- Okay, what about maybe,

I don't know, this sandbox?
- Okay, okay!

Okay, Jenna, I'm so sorry.

You just accidentally immediately burst

into the Kingdom of Curaçao.
- Oh, okay.

- Okay, so the thing about
the Kingdom of Curaçao

is it's led by a strict
but benevolent queen,

and first you must make her an offering

of at least three good twigs.

[Sam and crew laughing]
- Okay.

- Quick, Jenna, find three good twigs

or they'll march on us!
[Sam and crew laughing]

- I'm gonna throw them in the box.

- No, Jenna!
[Sam and crew laughing]

Jenna, the beings-
- [Anna] What?

- of the Kingdom of Curaçao
are the size of your thumb!

Like, you probably just crushed
an entire school district!

- Oh frick, I'll get it out.

- No, not with your feet!

- Sorry!

- Jenna, quick, get out!
I can hear their screams!

- I'm so sorry!
- Hey, kids.

- Mom! She crushed the queen!

- Sweetheart, are you
playing too strict again?

- Yes.
[Sam and crew laughing]

[buzzer blares]
- I will cut you off there.

Incredible!

Why do I feel a little bit
like, actually Jess's childhood?

- Yeah, there's a reason why
I read that in two seconds

and went, "Yes, I was her."

- I was like, the moment I
made eye contact with Jess

I was like, "I know what I'm going to do.

Jess is going to take care of me."

- 88 points given from me, King Sam.

I'm a king so you have
to treat me like a king.

- Oh.
- [Sam] Okay?

- Thank you, sir.
- [Sam] Okay.

- We're gonna overthrow you.
- We're gonna march.

- [laughs] You have every right to.

- Where be your twigs, knave?
[Jess, Anna and Sam laughing]

- Anna.
- Hello!

- And D.J.
- It's a living.

- Bring your competitive
sibling to work day.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- So happy that you could join me here.

[Anna laughs commandingly]

[Sam and crew laughing]
Right.

So I just wanted to let you know

that we're really working on
making this charity concert.

- Mm.
- As smooth as possible.

- Mm-hmm.

- We have some really great
celebrities coming in to sing.

We got-
- Shut up.

- Yeah, we got the Black Eyed Peas.

[Anna laughs hoarsely]

And that's it. But it's really
important that, you know,

we're working together on this

because it's a charity for
children with glass bones.

- How much money have you raised?

- $1.5 million.

We're hoping to get up to 2
by the end of the concert.

- Have you ever heard of $7 million?

[Sam and crew laughing]

- Like the concept of 7 million?

Yes, I've heard of $7 million.

- Yeah, I have too.

[Sam and crew laughing]

- Hey, Penny, you know,
you're my older sister,

and it's really important to me

that you think that I'm good.

- Oh yeah, no, I think
you're good, for sure.

There's other words

that are probably better
than good, though.

- Well, like what?

- [sarcastically] Great,
awesome, stinkin' cool.

- See, the way that you're saying it

is contradicting the
words that you're saying.

- Listen, I respect your
whole glass bones job.

- Thank you?

- But I just think that
what I'm doing is cooler.

- Stop going higher than
I am to be taller than me.

[Anna hums jauntily]

Okay, Penny, this is...

What, we're gonna shout?

We're gonna have a shouting conversation?

- I love that you have a two-floor office.

- Don't do this!

- It's just that you fix glass bones.

- Yeah, and you are a
failed real estate agent.

Oh my god!

- How did you know that I failed?

- When you introduce yourself
as a lapsed real estate agent,

it makes it pretty hard
[Sam and crew laughing]

not to know something's gone wrong.

- I tried selling empty
McDonald's for so long

into condos for Gen Z.

- Okay, so you tried to sell a McDonald's

with no employees, which-

- You know how people turn
warehouses into cool apartments?

- Can you stop wrenching my hand?

You're like, hurting me. Ow.

- Oh, so you admit I'm stronger?

- [shouting in pain] Yes, you're stronger!

- And cut! [laughing]
[buzzer blares]

Two points continually
one-upping each other

for the both of you.
- Mm-hmm.

- Which brings us to D.J.

- Oh, Raggy, we're in it again!

- Yeah, that'll do.

- Scooby-Doo probably said that.

- And Jess.
- Sam.

- Little Red Riding Hood

apparently always roasted
her grandmother like that.

- Oh, I'm so happy you came to visit, Red.

I've made all your favorite treats.

- Must have taken you hours
to roll out all that dough

with your little arthritic
decrepit little claws, huh?

- Oh, the better

to roll it with.
- Little stinky? Yeah.

[Sam laughing]

You've been lacking on waxing
those knuckles for a bit,

haven't you, you hairy little beast?

- Yes, the better to get
crumb-diddly-crumbs stuck in.

[mimics chomping] But please, Red, dig in.

I know you love Grandma's baked goods.

I guess you mostly bring me baked goods.

- I have to because the state
of yours are disgusting.

They taste like dog treats.

- Oh, the better to
woof them down, my dear.

[Sam laughing]
- Okay.

You're smelling extra
musky today, Grandma.

- Oh, thank you for noticing.
I've recently done a stint.

[Sam and Anna and crew laughing]

- Wait a minute. Claws.

- Yes.
- Musk.

- Yes.

- You're not my grandmother at all.

You're...

- Still your grandmother.

- Oh, you're just really f*cked-looking.

[Jess laughing]
[buzzer blares]

- That's like the piece that
the fairy tale doesn't cover.

How does she confuse her
grandmother for a wolf?

- She goes for a while.
- Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, yeah.
- [Sam] Yeah.



for the both of you.
- Mm-hmm.

- Jess.
- Sam.

- And Anna.
- Sam?

- Two ten-thousand-bees-in-a-trenchcoat

[D.J. laughing]

go on a date.

[Jess and Anna buzzing like bees]

- Oh!
- Hello!

- Hello!

[Sam laughing]

[Jess and Anna mimic air whooshing]

[Anna mimics bees buzzing]

What a great spot you picked!

- Yeah, I thought it was
nice near the garden.

- Why would you think I, a human man,

would love a garden so much?

Listen, I'll cut right to the chase

because I think at our age,

you should just say what you want.

[Sam and crew laughing]

I'm looking for a queen.

My queen, my queen, my
queen, my queen, my queen.

- I'm looking for someone
I can really call my honey,

honey, honey, honey, honey.

- I'm sorry, excuse me.
Just passing by the-

- Sting, sting, sting, sting-
- Oh no!

- Oh my gosh, that person.
- Oh, they-

- They don't like tickling, I guess.

- Are you, by any chance,



[gentle heartfelt music]
[Sam and crew laughing]

- I've always been too scared to say.

[Anna mimics trenchcoat dropping]

[Jess gasps]

[Jess mimics trenchcoat ripping off]

- My queen, my queen, my queen, my queen!

- Oh, I love it!
[buzzer blares]

It's a lesson about how we
should all reveal ourselves

for who we really are.
- You gotta reveal yourself!

- [Sam] Oh!
- Mm-hmm.

- Wow, one point for every
bee for the both of you.

- Whoa!
- That's a ton!

- Holy crap!
- Ka-ching.

- Anna.
- Yes.

- And D.J.

♪ His boy Leroy ♪

- Comic Sans hits on Helvetica at a party.

[Anna hums whimsical tune]

[Sam laughing]

- Oh, well, howdy-doody boo-doo-doo-doo!

[Sam and crew laughing]

Pleased to make your
acquaintance! [hums cheerfully]

- Uh-oh, there's another
fedora on underneath a fedora.

[Sam laughing]
- [D.J.] Oh.

A pleasure to meet you, my lady.

- Nice to meet you, too.

- Do you wanna go to a
birthday party with me?

[Sam laughs]

- Are you asking me on a date?

- What

if I said yes?

- I will call the police.

- Oh, good, good, good, good!

- You and me together?

In the same document? [laughs derisively]

You are for children who
eat boogers from their face.

I am for restaurants that
you only take someone

if you really like them.
[Sam laughs]

You are for people who get
their wrist stuck in the sink

trying to get something out.

I am for people who hire
someone who is really expensive

and doesn't really know what he's doing.

[Sam laughing]

You are for people

who like to walk backwards up an escalator

because you're afraid you'll trip.

That happens.

I am for people that would
never get on public transit.

I don't think we'll work out, so no.

- I really recommend checking me out.

My website hasn't been updated since 1994.

- You are quite accessible,
sans-serif and all.

Maybe we could make it work.

I just don't want our child
to look like Wingdings.

[buzzer blares]
- Wingdings is my best friend.

- That's as good a button
as I think I can ask for.

Let's say a late-night DM
from Papyrus amount of points

for the both of you.
- Ooh!

- Which brings us to the
last prompt of round two.

[Jess taps podium]
[D.J. exhales sharply]

D.J.
- Dinosaur!

- And Jess.
- Sam.

- Toxically positive Christmas elves.

- Oh, hey, Krinkles.

Are youse as excited as I am
to work extra-over-overtime?

- I sure am, Sprinkles.

It's on us to create
the magic of Christmas,

and that means extra hours, extra smiles,

and an extra good attitude!

- That's right 'cause
an attitude is a choice,

and you can always make it.

- Even when inside feels bad, bad!

- Sometimes inside feels bad, bad,

but that's when I know something's wrong.

- Yeah!

- And to will it away.

- Yeah!
[Sam laughing]

That's when I know to
push, push, push it down.

- That's right!

- [Anna] Hey!
- Oh!

- I'm not f*cking paying
you to chitchat, all right?

- Oh.
- Oh.

- Let's f*cking get to work!

- You're right, Santa.

- Look at this conveyor belt.
Toys are just flying by.

- [D.J.] Yeah.
- f*cking build.

- You're right, Santa.

- Don't worry, Santa.

As we know, with the magic of Christmas,

it'll all get done.
- Don't f*cking bring up

the magic of Christmas around here!

- But Santa, you must
know more than anyone

that anything's possible
as long as you believe.

- Believe!

- That's not how the
corporate market works!

- Santa, I don't know.
- What?

- Have you ever thought...

[chuckles] We got matching
tattoos of this, too.

Just breathe!
- Just breathe!

[Anna laughs]
[Sam laughing]

- [mimics ice cracking] Two icicles.

- Two icicles?

- Whoa! Is that gonna be our lunch?

We haven't had a lunch break in 35 years.

- Here's your lunch.

- When in doubt, hydrate. [licks cutely]

- I hate to break it to you guys.

This is the last meal you're gonna have.

- You're letting us go?
Krinkles and Sprinkles?

But that doesn't feel
like following my heart.

- That doesn't feel like
I'm just breathing at all.

- Believe.
- Believe, Santa.

- Believe, Santa.

- [D.J.] Believe in
the magic of Christmas!

Find the magic of Christmas!
- [Anna] Believe!

[D.J. hums fantasy music]
Will it!

Oh my gosh, he took his eternal form!

- h*, h*, h*!

Sprinkles,

Cupcake?

- Krinkles.
- Krinkles.

- I've relearned the magic of Christmas.

- Look! A tattoo magically
appeared on your forearm!

[Jess gasps]

- "Just keep chugging, girl."

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

- [Sam] And cut.
[buzzer blares]

[claps] Jesus Christ!
[contestants laughing]

Let's say 12 days of points to you both.

- Ooh.
[Anna hums festive music]

- That brings us to our final minigame.

This is a minigame we like to call

Who Are You Supposed To Be?

- Oh.
- Hm.

- How it works is, players,
is when I say "go,"

you are going to race over to
this bureau of costume items.

You're gonna put on whatever pleases you,

race back to your podium, buzz in,

and pitch me who you're supposed to be

in the style of a child on Halloween.

Make sense?
- Uh-huh.

- And away we go.

[lively rock and roll music]

- [D.J.] Slow on the draw there.

[bell rings]
- Anna.

- I'm the Rorschach test.
[Sam laughing]

Wait, this part. I'm the Rorschach test.

[bell rings]
- Jess.

- I just got back from a stint.

[Sam and Anna laughing]
[upbeat rock and roll music]

Oh!

- [Sam] Incredible! Oh
my god, that's long hair.

[bell rings]
- I'm D.J.'s mom.

[D.J. and Sam laughing]

- [Sam] Wow, she is gorgeous.
- I think she's gorgeous.

- [Sam] Here comes D.J.
[bell rings]

- I'm Bimbo Baggins.

[Sam laughing]
- Yeah!

[D.J. mimics magic whooshing]

- Oh!
- Oh!

[D.J. laughs]
- [Sam] Wild!

[bell rings]
Jess.

- Today, citizens of Sandbox Curaçao,

[Sam and D.J. laughing]

we march!

- Oh yeah.
- Incredible! [claps]

[bell rings]
Anna, that's a great look.

- I just wanted to wear this. [laughs]

All right, coming up here in Calamity Way,

it's actually a calm day.

Oh no! [mimics bubbles gurgling]

- [Sam] I get it.

- I'm the Universal Studios Tour.

- [Sam] The Universal Studios shark.

- Oh!
- "Jaws" shark.

- Yeah, totally!

[bell rings]
Jess.

♪ No day but today ♪

- [Sam] And a bow. Thank you
so much, thank you so much.

[bell rings]
D.J.

- I'm Comic Sans.

[Sam laughs]
- [Anna] Yeah!

- Mayor of what?

♪ Titty City ♪
- [Sam] Yeah,

major of Titty City.
♪ I'm pretty sure, yeah ♪

- Wow, art team. Great find.

[bell rings]
Anna.

- I'm someone with lead poisoning.

- Oh no! [laughs]
[crew laughing]

[bell rings]
D.J.

- I'm Cate Blanchett playing a l*sbian.

[cast and crew laughing]
[upbeat rock and roll music]

- [Sam] That's incredible!

[bell rings]
Anna.

- I'm the Rorschach test again.

- [laughs] If you ignore
the top, the head.

- If you ignore this and this

and all the thing around
me, I'm the Rorschach test.

- I love it.

[bell rings]
D.J.

- I'm me if I got in a car accident

and then my head got turned around.

[Sam and crew laughing]

- Yeah.
- [Anna] Crushed it.

- [Sam] Really great.
[D.J. blows raspberry]

And that's a minigame.

- That's fun.
- Whoo!

[upbeat jaunty music]
- [D.J.] That is fun.

- That brings us to round three

where our players will now hold hands

and jump into the abyss together.

[contestants shout]

[Sam laughs]

- Edit us into the abyss, please.

- Yeah, wait.

- The Jimmy Cameron flick?

- Jess.
- Sam.

- Anna.
- And that's-a me.

- D.J.
[D.J. gargles]

- Students react to the first teacher

to ever sit casually on a desk.

- Excuse me.
- Yeah.

- Excuse me.
- Yep. Mm-hmm.

No worries.
- Excuse me.

- Yep.
- Excuse me.

- Hey, did you do the homework?

- [Anna] I couldn't do number five.

- [D.J.] I know.
- [Anna] It was so hard.

- I know. I checked the
answer, I have to say-

- Hey, everybody.

- Hey, Mr. Applebaum.

- All right, did everyone do the reading?

'Cause I'm excited to dive right in.

I hope everyone had a good weekend.

- Oh yeah.
- Um...

- Whoa!
[Anna laughs]

- So I just wanna go ahead and
open the floor to questions.

[D.J. moans]

- Oh my god!

- Just wanna...
[crew members laughing]

Um...
[Anna laughs]

What did we all think of Huckleberry Finn?

- What are you doing up there?

- I have to go to the bathroom!

- Hey, everyone, I'm just
a human just like you.

[D.J. moans]
- Get down!

Get down, Mr. Applebaum!
- Get down!

- You want me to get down from this desk?

- [Anna] I'm creaming my shorts over-

- Oh!

- I just thought that
if I sat on this desk.

- Oh!
- Oh!

- [Anna] Mr. Applebaum.

- You could see me
better and we could kinda

[D.J. groaning]
chat a little bit.

- Mr. Applebaum, I'm gonna
have to hump this thing.

- Hey, students, I'm
gonna fill up on coffee.

- I'm getting filled up.
[Sam grunts]

- You guys go ahead and
clean up, all right?

And then we're gonna
talk about literature.

- Um, Mr. Applebaum, I, um,

I did all my homework and
I did the extra credit too.

- Good job, Jess.
- Mm.

[Sam laughing]
[buzzer blares]

Did I do it right?

- Young Jess crushed.
- Yeah.

- Your homework this weekend

is to not do homework amount of points

for the three of you.
- Oh.

- Yes!

- Next up, Jess.
- Sam.

- Anna.
- Uh-huh.

- D.J.
♪ Ah ♪

- "Succession," but it's about

"The New York Times" puzzle team.

- This is the most brilliant
prompt I've ever read.

- I've never seen an
episode of "Succession"

so I'm riding on your coattails, you guys.

- Great, great.
- I love the communication.

- Hey, Dad. [laughs] The
Connections today was awesome.

[Sam and crew laughing]

- Did you manage to get it?

- [taps podium nervously] Uh, it's funny.

I actually, uh,

I couldn't get the f*cking third one.

[Sam laughs]

- Did you fall for SpongeBob SquarePants?

Because you're not a serious person!

- I just [laughs] f*cking, I...

f*ck it, whatever. I don't f*cking...

- Roman, I'm glad you tried
Connections. That's new for you.

- "Tiles" is hard today.

- [Jess] Of course you think it's hard.

You're busy playing minigames,
and I'm out creating-

- Dad, Dad, Dad, the mini
f*cking f*cking sucked today.

[Sam and crew laughing]

I just think that someone else

should be f*cking
writing the f*cking mini.

- It f*cking sucked today,
huh? It f*cking blew?

It f*cking sucked and it f*cking blew?

It f*cking sucked and it f*cking blew?!

More like it f*cking sucked
my d*ck and blew your mind!

[Sam and crew laughing]

That's why you'll never make the puzz.

- What about me, Dad?
How come I can't make it?

- Shut up, Shiv, you woman.

[Sam and crew laughing]

- I've got a cool attitude and a fat a*s,

and I'm here to take over this company.

- Maybe you will when you can show me

you can actually craft something.

- Dad, Dad, it's been me the whole time.

I'm the f*cking eldest boy.

- You're my second eldest boy. Connor.

[Sam laughing]

- Hi, Dad.

- I don't think the puzzle
today was very good.

I think it was capacious.

- Look, Dad, I f*cking solved the Sunday.

- Anybody can solve the Sunday

as long as they have patience.

- I haven't seen you
solve a Sunday in years.

- Ridiculous!

- Solve 39 down right now!
- No, I won't.

I don't need to prove myself.
- Yeah, Dad. Solve it!

- I don't need to prove myself.

- You're pissing yourself!
- You're pissing your pants!

- You're pissing your own pants!

- Somebody get me some f*cking water.

[Sam laughing]
[buzzer blares]

- [Sam] I will cut this off there.

- Wow!

- A six-letter word that's
a synonym for scores-

- Oh!
- for all of you.

Last prompt of our show!
[Anna and D.J. groaning]

- We did it.

- Jess.
- Sam.

- Anna.
- Anna!

- D.J.

♪ And there's a character
with blonde hair ♪

- The "CW" version of "Make Some Noise."

- Great. Excuse me.

- Okay, great.

[Jess clears throat]
[D.J. laughs]

Excuse me, um, hm, from the top.

- Oh.
- Oh.

- Oh yeah, absolutely.
Sorry, I usually only model.

- [Jess] Tonight, wondering if
it's him that smells so good,

it's Cole Colton!
[audience applauding]

Hey, are we gonna party later or what?

- I was counting on it.

[Jess and Anna laugh playfully]

- [Jess] Next up, wondering
if they're going to be able

to get away with it, it's Kristix Krisper!

[smooth instrumental music]
[audience applauding]

- Do you know who my dad is?

- Are we gonna party after this?

- You better believe it.

- [Jess] And finally,
coming up from underwater

looking wet as hell, it's Lyla Lobergoth!

[Sam and crew laughing]

[smooth instrumental music]

[Sam continues laughing]

- Guys, let's make this the best year yet!

[Sam and crew laughing]

- And they're all here to...

[cool and casually]
- [All] Make some noise.

- And I'm your host, Sam Reich. [laughs]

- Yeah, you can push the button.

[buzzer blares]
[cast cheering]

- You guys were all really hot.

- A younger and hotter version

of a regular "Make Some
Noise" point for each of you.

- Got it. Okay.

- That brings us to the end of our show.

Our winner tonight.

[cast gasping excitedly]

Jess McKenna.
- [D.J.] Yeah!

- Wow, wow!
- [Sam] Jess.

- Yes! [clapping]
- Wow, wow.

- You are the recipient-
- Yeah.

- Wow, thank you so much.
- of the coveted Golden Ear.

- [Anna] Yeah, you crushed that.

- Thank you.

- That does it for us
here at "Make Some Noise."

Tune in next time for
more of the Game Samer.

I'm Sam Reich, and that
sounds pretty good to me.

Good night.

[chill upbeat outro music]

[chill upbeat outro music fades]