03x05 - A Celebrity's Unflattering Wax Figure Reveal

[bunniefuu]

- [Sam] Tonight, disappointed
to see that I'm still host,

it's Caitlin Reilly.

[Sam laughing]

Doing a lot of invisible
hat play, it's Josh Ruben.

And a little too gracious
with the other players,

it's Pete Holmes.

- Ah!

[hands slapping]

- [Sam] They're all here to...

- [Players] Make some noise!

[cheerful music]

Welcome to "Make Some Noise",

the game so good we spun it off unchanged.

I am your host, Sam Reich.
Here's how the show works.

I have here a series of
improvisational prompts

our players have never seen before.

Isn't that right, players?

- That is true.
- Yeah.

- They will, to the best of their ability,

fulfill those prompts,

I will award them corresponding points,

and the winner will go home
with the coveted golden ear,

which has the opposite effect as the Oscar

on their salary going forward.

Players, are you ready to rumble?

- Yeah.
- I'm in.

- I don't acknowledge you.

[Sam and crew laughing]

- [Sam] Let's get started.

First off, a little minigame.

This is a little something

that we like to call Take Some Direction.

How it works is, players,
I am going to give you

a line of dialogue to repeat
over and over and over again.

As I do, I will give you direction,

micro-adjustments, if you will,

in order to affect your performance.

Does that make sense?

- Yes, Ewok Ellen DeGeneres.

[everyone laughing]

- It took no time!

- An honor to work with you.

[Josh laughing]

- Here's the thing. I can see it too.

[Pete laughing]

Caitlin, we'll start with you.

No direction to start out with.

- Neutral.
- I don't need any.

- Your line is, "I ate his liver

with some fava beans and a nice Chianti."

- I ate his liver with some
fava beans and a nice Chianti.

- Josh, give me a little bit more.

- [contemplatively] I ate his liver

with some fava beans,

and a nice Chianti.

- Pete, give me a little bit more.

- [stilted and creepy] I ate his liver

[Josh and crew laughing]

with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

- Caitlin, clapping for emphasis.

- I ate his liver

with some fava beans

and a nice Chianti.

- Josh, as a crowd of 10,000.

- [mimicking many voices] I ate his liver

with some fava beans [mimicking echoes]

[Pete laughing]

and a nice Chianti.

- Pete, as a crowd of


[Josh laughing]

- [hoarsely] I ate his liver

[Sam and crew laughing]

with some fava beans...

You can't do both!
- Yes!

- And a nice Chianti.

[Sam laughing]

- [Sam] Caitlin, as a
lonely little orphan boy.

[with the tone of a Dickensian orphan]
- I ate his liver

[Sam laughing]

with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

- Jennifer Tilly!
- Ah!

[contestants laughing]

- Josh, fake backwards.

[Josh mumbling]

[Pete and crew laughing]
[mumbling continues]

- I did.

- Yeah, I guess the math checks out there.

- I got a 950 on my SATs.
- Did you really?

- Yeah.
- 1040.

- No sh*t!
- Yeah.

- I never took my SATs.

- I also did not take my SATs.

- You look like an ERT guy.

[Josh laughing]

You also look like you just
got back from the Wild West

selling a remedy that doesn't work.

[Josh cackling]
[Sam laughing]

- Just for that, Pete, as
Greg from "Succession".

- Oh, well, um, I ate
his liver ostentatiously

[stuttering] with some
fava and a nice Chianti.

- Caitlin, a guy at the
gym who wants your digits.

[overly non-chalant]
- I ate his liver with

some fava beans and a nice Chianti,

if you want to know.

I'm sort of like a wine
connoisseur myself.

You kind of look like somebody
who would be into wine.

You're beautiful, by the way.

- Josh, Will Ferrell doing
Tom Hanks doing Will Ferrell.

- Well, I ate...

I ate his liver with some
fava beans and a nice Chianti.

[Pete gasps and Sam laughing]

sh*t! Whoa!

- Finally, Pete, like it
means, "I got laid last night."

- I ate his liver

[Sam and crew laughing]

with some fava beans and a-

- Ew!
- ...nice Chianti.

Oh no, I didn't fully
do it, but it was just-

- And that's-
- I didn't get this part.

- ...a minigame.
- What was that?

- What was that?
- Nobody liked that.

[cheerful music]

- Which brings us to round one?

- What?

- So many insults on me to squeeze in.

- You look like if I put a
tape cassette in your back,

you'll read me a bedtime story.

[everyone laughing]

I had to think of one real fast.

- I just want the audience to know

how long Pete and I have known each other,

so it's not strange.
- It's true. It's true.

- What do I look like, Pete?

[Sam cackling]

- A smart, brave woman.

[crew laughing]

- [Sam] And that'll do us.

Caitlin, we'll start with you.

Your high school bully's
guided meditation.

Close your eyes,

if you can,

and think of something peaceful.

I know that your home
life is not very peaceful.

Now, pretend that you're on a beach.

Kind of looks like you've
never gotten sun before,

so I don't know,
[Sam laughing]

just use your imagination.

And you're walking down the
beach, and you see a whale,

who you mistake as you,
but it's actually not you.

It is a whale.
[Sam laughing]

You see the whale, and it's beached,

like your academic career.

And you go up to the whale,

and you say, "Hi whale, what's your name?"

And the whale says, "Go f*ck
yourself. Also, you smell."

[buzzer buzzing]
[Sam laughing]

- Thanks for the button there, Caitlin.

Yeah, let's say 15 punches
for every point you just won.

Josh.

- Uh-oh!

- A sexy but loud car alarm.

- This is the sound of
the window first breaking.

[Josh mimics glass shattering]

[Josh mimicking a car alarm
that sounds like it's moaning]

[moaning continues]

[moaning crescendos]

I'm gonna c*m! I'm gonna c*m!

I'm gonna c*m! [mimics car alarm]

♪ Look at that tiny na-na ♪

Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh!
[mimics jizz splatting]

- Wow.
[buzzer buzzing]

- I'm in.

- 10 points with 10% APR
financing to you, Josh.

Which brings us to Pete.

- I'm full of fear.

- [Sam] The Godfather can't believe

no one brought him a little snack.

- I know we have to do this deal

on the day of my daughter's wedding,

but I can't help but think,
I'm in this dark office,

and there are people walking around

with the little shrimp things.

You don't think it would help,

maybe grease the wheels a little bit,

if you brought me one of
those little shrimp things?

Maybe a puff pastry. I can
see they're going fast.

I paid for them, but you
don't bring them to me.

Couldn't you have brought me

an omelet that I couldn't refuse?

[buzzer buzzing]

- I love that, Pete.
- Okay.

- Yeah, Pete's like, is
that all the show is?

Yes, that is all the show is.

- Sam, how is it defending
an innocent man in the South?

You look like you're sweatily defending...

You've been k*lling mockingbirds,

is basically what your outfit says.

- [Southern accent] Now, I say
this man deserves 100 points!

[everyone cheering]

[sighs] Caitlin.
- Yeah.

[Sam laughing]

- [Sam] A female science fiction character

written by a male writer.

Love an entrance.

[everyone laughing]

- Stop!

Listen.

[laughter continues]

This rocket is not what
you guys think it is!

My dad was a famous scientist, Dr. Kaborb,

and me, as Maia Kaborb, I can't stand by

and watch everyone make this comet...

That is not what it's supposed to be!

I have the paper right here.

Oh god!
[buzzer buzzing]

- That writer wrote a lot
of stage direction, too.

- A ton.
- Run.

- Yeah, 80085 on a calculator
amount of points for you.

- Nice!
- All right!

- That worked out well. Josh.
- Ha!

- Josh.
- Yeah.

- Josh.
[Josh squeaks]

Josh.

- Yeah?

- J. Robert De Niro Oppenheimer.

[Pete and Caitlin chuckling]
[crew laughing]

- Well, we're gonna have to figure out

how this b*mb's gonna work.

[Sam and crew laughing]

I've got a hat, but I don't move too much,

so I think I'm just gonna monologue

very slowly and very quietly,
have sex with my wife once,

[Caitlin chuckling]

and blow up the world.

Oh, flashes in my eyes. That's a lot.

[Caitlin laughing]

You know what would be a real
shame about the b*mb going off

is there'd be no more
Tribeca Film Festival.

[Sam and Pete laughing]

We have films from all over the world.

[buzzer buzzing]

- Now you are become 40 points,

destroyer of prompts.
- Oh!

- Pete.
- I do want to say

that even when you dress up,

you look like a non-playable
character in a video game.

[everyone laughing]

Maybe I hit him with my
car and feel nothing.

- Wait a minute, Sam, there's
truth. Tell him about-

- You're an NPC.

- I'm an NPC in "Grand
Theft Auto: San Andreas".

- You are?
- Yeah.

- Were you also the coolest RA?

- Shut the f*ck up, Pete!

Judas giving a toast at the Last Supper.

- JC, first of all,
great water, am I right?

He changed it into Merlot.

Merlot Cab, it's a blend.
JC, still a miracle!

Look, we all love silver, am I right?

I'm not saying that for any reason.

What is a friend, really?

And what does Iscariot,
my last name, mean?

Dagger. That's real!

So really, if anyone
was going to stab anyone

with their last name in the back,

it might be me, but it
might also not be me.

Everybody have enough loaves and fishes?

The big guy, bringing it through!

Anyway, I have a lot of Roman friends.

[buzzer buzzing]

That was like my mom on "Jeopardy"

when the category is the Bible.

I was like, yeah!

- A kiss on the cheek
and 30 points to you.

[contestants groaning]

[cheerful music]

That brings us to our second minigame.

This is a little minigame we
like to call Back to Basics.

I've heard some feedback
that fans of this show

miss the dirt simple
original version of it

where players would
compete for best noise,

so this is really simple, players.

I'm going to give you a sound effect,

and all three of you are going to do it.

I'll pick my favorite, and the
favorite will get the point.

- Great.
- Josh, we'll start with you.

Ready? Helicopter.

[Josh mimicking a helicopter]

- Yeah, okay. I'll cut
you off there, Josh.

Caitlin, let's hear your helicopter.

- You can do it.
[Caitlin purring]

- That's not bad. I like it.

Way to go, Caitlin.

Pete.
- It's quiet.

It's going to be quiet.
- Okay.

[Pete mimicking a helicopter]

- I don't know if anyone can hear that,

but it was very good.

I am going to say this
particular point does go to Pete.

- Wow.
[Caitlin sputtering]

- You sounded like Paul
Giamatti using Scope.

[gargling] We've been left
here for Christmas! [gargling]

- I'm worried about your academic career.

- That was good, for a guy who looks like

a mayor in a town where everyone sings.

[Caitlin laughing]

Everyone sings everything they say,

and here comes the mayor.

- [Josh] Oh wow!

♪ It's a beautiful day in Sparkletown ♪

- Oh my god! Oh my god!

Roasted off the stage.

[Pete laughing]
[Sam Sighing]

- Pete. A turkey.

[Pete gobbling]

[Pete choking and whimpering]

[Sam laughing]

[Josh mimicking an electric carving knife]

I'm not done! I'm not done!
- Josh.

- I'm gonna touch myself, okay?

- Yeah.
[Josh gobbling]

[Josh mimicking g*nf*re]
[Josh gobbling]

[Josh mimicking g*nf*re]
[Josh gobbling]

[Josh mimicking g*nf*re]
[Josh gobbling]

[Josh mimicking g*nf*re]
[Josh gobbling]

[Josh mimicking g*nf*re]
[Josh gobbling]

[Josh mimicking g*nf*re]
[Josh gobbling]

Caitlin.
[Caitlin gobbling intensely]

Oh, I like that a lot, Caitlin.

I am going to say that point goes to you.

- [Josh] Oh my gosh.

- So I will start this next one with you.

A cartoonish snore.

[Caitlin snoring cartoonishly]

[Sam laughing]

[Caitlin snoring cartoonishly]

Wow, that's really good.

- Wow.
- Josh?

[Josh snoring cartoonishly]

[Josh snoring cartoonishly]

- That's a feather.

[Pete and crew laughing]

[Josh sneezing cartoonishly]

- That's really good, Josh. Pete.

- Long sleep hat.
- Yeah.

- And they always go... [yawns]

[Pete snoring cartoonishly]

[Sam laughing]

[Pete snoring cartoonishly]

[everyone laughing]

It's the same from
there. You can loop that.

- [Sam] Copy and paste.
- Loop it in post.

- I'm going to say a tie between

Pete and Caitlin for that one.
- Yes!

- [Sam] Sorry, Josh.
[Pete screams]

- Ah!

- Last one, and I can't
tell you at this moment

how much I'm regretting this.
- Why?

- Starting with Josh.
- Huh?

- Sam Reich.

- Tonight, it's me!

[crew laughing]

Tonight, it's me!

- Caitlin.

- Do you wanna do "Make Some Noise"?

[Sam and contestants laughing]

Please, do you want to
do "Make Some Noise"?

- That is what my voice memos sound like.

Pete.

- Hi, I look like the guy on the bench

sitting next to Forrest Gump.

[everyone laughing]

- Yeah, I don't know what I expected.

No points for that particular round.

[Josh groaning]

[cheerful music]

That brings us to round
two, where our players

will now test their
talents in teams of two.

Caitlin.
[Caitlin groans]

And Josh.
- Why?

- A couple so annoyingly in love,

they can't finish the f*cking story.

- So we're out there. It's Greece.

- It's Greece.
- It's Greece.

- But it's like a part of Greece

that you've never been to
before, and so we were...

Remember when we were planning the trip?

- Oh my god.
- We were like,

should we go to Greece or should we-

- We did. We did.
- Hold on, hold on.

- You have, too. You have.

- Hold on. Make a wish, make a wish.

Make a wish. Make a wish.

- I wish that I was with you every second.

- Shut up, babe!

- But we get to Mykonos and
we have to get on these-

- And it's Mykonos.

- Oh, sorry.
- That old man.

- Wait, you're so funny
when you do the Greek voice.

Do the Greek voice.
- Mykonos!

[Sam laughing]

- There were these ATVs.

We get on these ATVs, and we...

What's your favorite TV show?

- A TV show that you would be in.

- Oh god! I'm not an actor, but-

- He's my actor!

But okay, so these ATVs, and we have to...

So first, we're like, we can go alone.

But then it's like, we
don't want to be alone,

and we would have the
instructor with us on the ATVs.

Do I have something?
- Yeah. You keep talking.

- Okay, so we would have
the instructors on the ATVs,

but we wanted to be
together, and we actually,

we crashed the ATV, so
that's kind of why...

That's, like, what's going on right now.

- Well, warden?
[buzzer buzzing]

Thank you for letting us stay together.

- 100 heart emojis worth of
points for the both of you.

Which brings us to Josh,
[Josh gasps]

and Pete.
[Pete gasps]

A celebrity's unflattering
wax figure reveal.

- Well, I sure an excited to see

what the one and only Jeff
Bridges' wax figure looks like.

Here goes nothing.

Thanks so much for letting
me pull off the old curtain.

And a-one, and a-two!

Help you get your photographies ready.

And a-three!

- Daddy!
[Josh screaming]

- It's alive, man.

Wait a minute, the more weed I smoke,

the more alive it becomes.

- I just think this
horse has a little heart.

- He's doing lines from "Seabiscuit"!

- I'm an old man.

- He's doing line from
my show, "The Old Man".

- Hey man, pass that over-
- Sure will.

Let me take a picture
of you with my camera,

because we love photography.

- We do love photography, man.

They gave me an endoskeleton.
- Do you bleed?

- A little bit, buddy. Give it a slice.

- Let me try. I got a knife
from the set of "Tron".

- [Sam] Caitlin, do you
want to do the honors?

- Oh! Yeah!
[buzzer buzzing]

- Poor Caitlin heard us doing that voice-

- For about four hours.

- Four hours in the green room.

- 100 dead, lifeless-eyed points

to the both of you.
- Wow, wow, wow.

- Pete.
- Oh my god.

- And Caitlin.
- No!

- A 1930s noir scene

in which every line is mysterious.

- The lighthouse hasn't
been on in three days.

- You say that now, but wait till morning.

- There hasn't been morning
in these parts for four years.

- When your heart is dark,
the days tend to be dark too.

- I don't recall being a smoker.

[Sam laughing]

Your breath smells like Altoids,

and those won't be invented for 50 years.

[Sam and crew laughing]

- I've been chewing on
blocks of salt and cinnamon.

- My wife died in an avalanche
of salt 32 years ago today.

- I didn't ask.

[everyone laughing]

[buzzer buzzing]
- I think I'll cut it off.

Let's say 89 points to you both.

- Okay, buddy.

- Caitlin.
- Yes.

- And Josh.
- Oh yeah.

- Bitchy mourners would have done

this tacky candlelight vigil differently.

- I have to say that black

doesn't agree with most people here.

- [yawns] f*ck no. Sorry.

- [coughs] Sorry.

- Stop, that was so f*cking loud.

- Hold on. How did he die?

- I think he f*cking fell or some sh*t.

All I know is, I wouldn't do photos,

because this dude was uggo.

- The slideshow's kind of tacky,

especially if they have a
Natasha Bedingfield song playing.

- What would you do if you died?

- I probably wouldn't
have, like, an open casket.

It would be kind of, like, embarrassing,

'cause it's like your dead
body, you know what I mean?

- No one looks good dead.
- No one looks good dead.

Hold on, that's their mom.

- Hi!
- Mrs. Jackson, hi.

We're so sorry for your
loss. He was really young.

[Sam and crew laughing]

I was his dear, dear friend.

- Did he fall?

Ooh, she, she. Did she fall?

- Oh god! we're at the wrong one.

- Oh!

[Sam laughing]

- Sorry.
[buzzer buzzing]

- I'm actually gonna take-
- Can we take these?

[buzzer buzzing]
[Sam laughing]

- Let us pause for a moment
of points for the both of you.

Josh.
- Oh!

- And Pete.
- Hi.

- Josh and Pete.

- [Sam] Professor X recruits
who he thinks is a mutant,

but is in fact just a weird guy.

- Welcome to the Academy for Mutants.

- Hey, quick question. Tickle tickle!

- Is that your power?

- Oh no, that's just how I
wanted to get this party started.

No, but for serious, are
you Scottish or English?

Do y'all hang out, or?
- What?

- Are you Scottish or English or-

- I'm British.

- Okay, all right. Right
on, right on, yeah.

- And here, we cultivate mutants' powers-

- Wow!
- What?

- I just said wow.
- Don't say wow

while I'm explaining what we do here.

- Right on.
- We have Wolverine, claws.

Cyclops, laser eyes. What do you do?

- Burrito. I have one right here.

[Sam and crew laughing]

- You have a loose burrito in your pocket?

- I just wanted to finish it
up before all the bugs get out.

In, in, in, in, in!

- No.
- Could I pet your bald head?

Ooh!

Ooh!

Ooh!

- I'm frying your brain.
- Ooh!

- He's still eating it.
- This is terrifying!

[Sam and Caitlin laughing]

This is f*cking scary! Keep going, though.

I think I'm gonna figure some stuff out!

- No! I'm not your Beverly
Hills ayahuasca trip!

I'm running a very serious,
wood-paneled operation here.

Do you have any powers?

Or are you just a weird guy?
[buzzer buzzing]

- [Sam] All right!
- My jaw hurts.

- Mine too.
- [Caitlin] My god.

- Let's say 32 points to you both, bub.

- 32!

- Pete and Caitlin.

Noah's wife thinks he's
taking the ark hobby

a little too far.

- Well, as you can see,
we have two otters here,

and then we're gonna have two elephants

in the big open area over there,

and then when it starts raining,

we'll see who's laughing and ol' Moses!

Noah!

[Sam, Josh and crew laughing]

You know my middle name's Moses.

- So two of every animal?
- Yep, there's parrots,

there's crows, there's pigeons.

We don't really need to bring
them 'cause they can fly,

but I thought it would
be fun for the chatter.

- What about the dinosaurs?

- Dinosaurs never existed. You know?

- This is a lot of wood.

The whole village is homeless

'cause you keep taking
the wood from their homes.

- And they're about to be dead.

We'll see who's laughing
when it's me, you, our kids,

two gorillas, two orangutans, two parrots.

Again, we didn't have to save them.

And look at the hole I cut
in the roof for the giraffes!

- I can't do this anymore.

- But I haven't shown
you where we all poop.

[Sam and crew laughing]

- Noah Moses Green!

[buzzer buzzing]

- Oh my god.

- Noah!

- Two of every kind of
point for the both of you.

[cheerful music]

That brings us to our
third and final minigame.

This is a minigame that we like
to call Alternate Universe.

In this case, Batman.

How this is going to work is, players,

I am going to give you
versions of Batman to play,

one at a time.

I'll first give you three,

one for Caitlin, for Josh, and for Pete.

After that, it'll be up to you to buzz in

with your own versions of
Batman that occur to you.

Caitlin, we'll start with you.
- Okay.

- [Sam] f*ck Batman.

- Where's the Riddler?

[Sam and Josh laughing]

It's just the Robert Pattinson Batman.

- Got it.
- Get it?

- Josh, a literal bat man.

- [squeaks] Batman.

[mimics guano splatting] I just sh*t.

- Yeah, that'll do, Josh.

[Pete chortling]

Pete, Ray Romano Batman.
[Josh laughs]

- Commissioner Gordon, I saw
the bright light in the sky.

It's too bright. Let's wrap this up.

I gotta go to Queens.
Debra's making pasta fagioli.

[Sam and crew laughing]

- [Sam] I like that a lot, Pete.

And now, players, if you could go ahead

and buzz in with your
own pitches on Batmans.

[buzzer dings]
Josh.

- Robin Williams Batman.

The Bat-Signal hangs low,
like a testicle in the sky.

[mimics elephant] Wow!

[buzzer dings]
- Pete.

- Mark Wahlberg Batman.
Hey, how's it going?

You guys fighting some
crime? You want me to help?

I'm really ripped. I used
to be in the Funky Bunch.

I'm gonna f*ck some guys up.
- I like it a lot.

[buzzer dings]
Caitlin.

- Keira Knightley Batman.
- Do it.

- Please, Two-Face, you've
got to listen to me.

[Sam and Josh laughing]

Gotham is under distress. Please stop.

You have to stop this.

Don't do this to the city
that we love so much.

[buzzer dings]

- Josh.

- Just a mouth Batman.

I want you to do me a favor.

I have a snack on my utility belt.

Please feed me. I'm just a mouth.

I'm a mouth that fights crime. Please.

If you feed me, I'll protect Gotham.

I just need a little bit. Oh my god.

[Sam laughing]

Way to get my blood sugar up!

[buzzer dings]
- Caitlin.

- This is fart Batman.
- Fart Batman.

[Caitlin blowing raspberries]

- [Sam] I would love to
know how long you would go

if I didn't cut you off.

[Josh, Sam and crew laughing]

[buzzer buzzing]
[buzzer dings]

- A Batman who's called on in math class

to come up to the board
but he has an erection.

I do know the answer,

[Josh laughing]

but, um...

Let's just say the signal is up,

[Sam laughing]

and I'm gonna need at least
half of the quadratic formula

for it to go back to sleep.

My parents are dead!

- That's what you have to think
about to get it to go down?

- My parents are dead!

[buzzer dings]
- Caitlin.

- This is young Judy Garland Batman

[Josh laughing]

on the MGM lot.
- Yes.

- Trying to audition for "Wizard of Oz".

- Yes.

- But she's also trying to hide
the fact that she's Batman.

- Yes.

- Do you want me to dance, or
do you want me to fight crime?

I can do both. Dang it, I did it again!

- Oh my god.
[buzzer buzzing]

[buzzer dings]
- Pete.

- This is Batman talking
to someone [clears throat]

that he doesn't know which eye to look at.

[everyone laughing]

You know, I would say, it's a burden...

[crew laughing]

It's a burden being the champion.

f*ck, my face. Of Gotham!

It's that one, isn't it?

I'm gonna commit to this one.
[buzzer buzzing]

- And that is a minigame.
Well done, players.

[cheerful music]

That brings us to round
three, where our players

will now hold hands and jump
into the abyss together.

- Oh.
- Caitlin.

- Yeah.
- Josh.

- Yeah.
- Pete.

- Yeah.
- Yeah!

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Mockingbirds, everybody, don't you ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- Your family pitching ideas
for your little comedy skits.

- Oh, Peter, every morning I
get up and go to Dunkin Donuts,

five AM, and the kooks down there

would be perfect for one
of your little sitcoms.

- I'm not funny. I mean, you're funny.

You're Jim Carrey, and we should
get you some nice Gap jeans

and cut your hair like Tom Cruise

and feed you a big lasagna.

Oh, that might be funny.

What if you're Tom Cruise,

and you're eating a big
lasagna in a pair of Gap jeans?

- Now that is Barbara Ruben.

- I'm just worried about your comedy.

I just fear that it makes you ugly.

- Wow.

- You're beautiful, but you look so ugly.

- Caitlin, wow.
- That's my mommy.

[Sam and crew laughing]

- This is a real one.

I was the voice of the
E-Trade baby for many years.

- Yes, you were.

- This is a real E-Trade
commercial my father pitched me.

Peter, it's two babies

in a little kiddie pool wearing diapers,

and the baby's telling them how easy it is

to use E-Trade online,

and then there's bubbles in
the water like they're farting,

and then the other baby
looks at the camera and goes,

"Log on!"

That's 100% real.

- Eight points apiece,

courtesy of the family
members in your heads,

which brings us to the
last prompt of our game.

- Oh no.

- Caitlin.
- Yes?

- Josh.
- Yes, yes!

- Pete.
- You look like the prize

in a box of Grape Nuts.

[Sam, Josh and crew laughing]

- Bringing the sloppiest
sandwich in the world

to a friend's intervention.

- Dave.

- Yeah?

- We wrote letters.
Here, I guess I'll start.

- [mimics plastic wrap]
Sorry, they wrapped it.

- Okay, that's okay. I'm gonna-

[Pete laughing]

- Sriracha mayo!

- I'm going to read my letter to Dave.

Dave, as you know-
- Oh! Not good on its own.

[Sam laughing]

Sorry.

Is it just me, or are tomatoes like,

"Oh, it's the Titanic!" They
jump off as soon as you-

- Adam, let's-

- That's what I was talking about!

On your shoe, chicken poo!

- Dave, as you know, I love you so much.

Because you've been addicted-

- Oh my god. You got
mayo all over my coat.

- Sandwich kiss!
[Sam laughing]

That made it a lot worse.
- All right, just-

- Dave, as you know, you've
been addicted to crack,

black rock heroin, for 20 years.

- Sprout Hitler!

[Sam laughing]

It's a little mustache with
sprouts. Sprout Hitler!

Oh, too edgy? Sprout Charlie Chaplin!

f*ck you guys.

- We are here today to tell
you that you need help.

You are going-

- Wear this banana pepper as a promise

to stop whatever it is that's k*lling you.

- I'm an addict!
- To what?

- Heroin.

- Yikes!
[buzzer buzzing]

[everyone laughing]

- Sprout Hitler!

[Sam cackling]

- Jesus Christ!
- f*ck!

- 12 foot party sub's worth
of points to the three of you.

- Holy sh*t. Oh god.

- That brings us to the end of our show.

Our winner tonight...

Pete Holmes.
[all cheering]

You are the recipient of
the coveted golden ear.

- Thank you!

I appreciate it.

- That does it for us
here at "Make Some Noise".

Tune in next time for
more of the game samer.

I'm Sam Reich, and that sounds
pretty good to me. Goodnight.

[cheerful music continues and fades]