04x06 - Julius Juukulius

[bunniefuu]

I know no one would
believe me if I told them.

A pleasure to meet you,

members of
the Council of Elders.

My name is Subaru Natsuki.

I'm a manservant
in Roswaal's mansion,

and I serve as
this candidate's--

I mean, Miss Emilia's--
best knight!

[muttering]

[clenching]

[theme music]

♪ ♪

[babbling]

[MAN] Afraid I ain't got
no name to give you, kid.

You can call me
a stick swinger.

[whoosh]

[thud]

The hell's your deal?

Think you can get away
with throwing that at me?

Got a death wish or something?

To attack an unarmed
man is a cowardly act.

Such a thing would bring
disgrace to any knight.

Ha!

Don't make me laugh!

[clang]

I truly hope you won't come
to regret those words.

[grunts]

[clang]

[gasping]

You mean this entire time
you thought I was unarmed?

Look closer, man.

[tense music]

Wait, are those just sticks?

No, you dolt.
These are chopsticks.

I always keep them on me
in case I need a little snack.

If I swing them
just the right way,

at just the right angle,
at just the right speed,

and of course, with
the exact perfect feeling,

then, well,
even with these,

there's nothing that
I can't cut through.

- Ha!
- Ugh!

[thud]

[grunts]

[gasps]

[growls]

[clang]

[boom]

Haha!

[grunts]

[STICK SWINGER]
Ah!

Da da da da da da da da da
da da da da da da da, yah!

Ya da da da da da da da da da!

[clang]

Yah!

[grunts]

Yah!

Julius!

Gevalto!

[zapping]

Heh.

No!

If it's my sword, it can even
cut through light, you see?

Gevalto!

[zapping]

Yah!

[laughs]

Yah!

[thud]

[grunts]

Haha!

Gevalto!

Gevalto!

Gotta work on
that aim of yours, girl.

You're never gonna
get pretty boy back

with those
random scatter shots.

Gevalto!

Gevalto!

Gevalto!

Gevalto!

Gevalto!

[zapping]

Miss Anastasia!

Hey.

[grunts]

Geval--

uh.

[grunts]

Lady Anastasia!

[clang]

Huh?

[growls]

[whoosh]

You're turning
into the kind of guy

I can't get enough of,
ya know?

You got me on the edge
of my seat over here, kid.

Out of my way.

[growls]

Ah!

[clang]

Hmm?

[grunts]

[clanging]

The hell is with this crap?

Don't make me laugh, man.

Come on.

If this is the best
you got for me,

you're really letting me down.

This is turning
into a real bore fest.

Why, you!

If you want to go
over to that woman,

I'd be happy to let you.

Crawl into her nice, soft lap
to cry and beg for attention,

you ugly, utterly useless
excuse for a knight.

[grunts]

[clang]

[shattering]

[gasps]

Nap time.

[heavy thud]

[grunts]

[thud]

[gasping]

Now, then.

Who's next?

I'd just like to ask
a single question.

Didn't we just need
to make you move a step?

You were really running around.

That wasn't literal.

The only reason I said that
was so I would sound cool.

Wasn't it obvious?

I guess not to you,

what with being
a woman and all,

and on top of that,
a real hottie.

You'd look mighty
nice on my arm.

I'm sorry.

I don't understand
what that means.

And on top of that,

I don't think
I could beat you in a fight.

[SUBARU]
Emilia.

You seem really strong.

I could tell that
just by watching.

But it doesn't matter.

We have to get past this exam.

So I'm asking you to give
us a way to win fairly.

Uh.

[EMILIA] If I can make you take
even one single step, we win.

Those will be the rules.

OK?

Uh.

[laughs]

Damn. Nice.

I don't hate that, actually.

You're the biggest idiot
I've seen since Trisha.

I like you.

Fine, that works for me.

If you make me take
one single step, you win.

Mm.

Take care of them.

They're in your hands.

Hey, wait a sec.

You saw him just now.

You need a plan for--

Ice brand arts.

[jingling]

[whoosh]

Icicle line.

Don't worry.

I'll take this seriously, too.

You're pretty
fiery and stubborn

for such a little hottie,
ain't ya?

I do what I can
the best I can.

That's the way I've
learned to live my life,

taking after my knight!

[grunts]

[laughs]

[cracking]

[battle music]

[jingling]

Ey!

Yah!

Ha!

[cracking]

[growls]

[gasps]

Ey!

We needn't worry
about them, I suppose.

However--

Yeah, I know.

[cracking]

[chuckles]

[SUBARU]
He hasn't budged.

[pants]

[whoosh]

[grunting]

[clanging]

[clinking]

[magical humming]

Huh?

[cracking]

Huh?

[footsteps]

[grunting]

[clanging]

[grunting]

[STICK SWINGER chuckles]

[cracking]

[grunting]

Heh!

[cracking]

[whoosh]

[grunts]

[gasps]

Ha!

You're open!

[bouncing]

Wah?

[gasps]

Perks of fighting a hottie.

Ah, don't get mad over
a little thing like that.

Yah!

[smash]

[clattering]

[thud]

[yells]

Ow!

What the hell were
you thinking, huh?

I mean, most chicks
would lose their edge

after being touched like that.

Huh?

But all you did was
touch me a little.

It left an opening for me.

Ah, screw you!

How the hell were you
brought up, anyway?

What were
your parents thinking?

Oh, no.

Did I say something strange?

Yo, you gotta do
something about this chick.

Don't let her go outside again!

You're her attendant,
aren't ya?

Screw you,
you sword-swinging prick!

What are you trying to pull,
you disgusting pervert shitbag!

You might as well
be a sin archbishop!

Oh, I'm gonna end you!

Subaru, calm down, already.

I get why you're upset,
but look, I suppose.

[gasps]

He moved.

And more than just one step.

Oh, you're right.

I won!

Victory.

[SUBARU] It doesn't
matter how it happened.

A win is a win.

So are you gonna
keep your word?

Well, that's it.

It is what I agreed to,
after all.

Wait, are you
actually being honest?

Don't give me that.

Just who the hell
do you think I am?

If I refuse to back down now,

well, then all it's gonna do
is make me look bad.

[SUBARU] Honestly,
after the way you just lost,

I don't think it's possible
for you to look any worse.

Oh, shut your trap, ya wuss!

Anyway, the hottie
won our little contest,

which means I'll let you pass.

It is what it is.

[whoosh]

[mysterious music]

Well, is the wuss
gonna take me on next?

Huh?

Or is it gonna be one
of the two brats over there?

There are seven of you
inside this tower.

Your woman here is the first
one of y'all to successfully

get through.

Huh?

So spit it out.

Who's gonna be the next one
of you to make it past me?

Well?

Don't be shy.

What's this?

You're back with your tail
between your legs?

Ouch.

Kind of harsh,
Ram, even for you.

Not when you deserve it,
don't you think?

You'll make that
sleeping girl's story

about you being
her master feel real.

Yikes.
Wouldn't want that.

Trust me, I'll be careful.

So you were crushed,

and only Miss Emilia
could even measure up to him.

Yes, I won.

Maybe I should
just go up alone.

I don't think you should,

because it's, well,
you know, dangerous.

I'll be really
careful, though.

It's dangerous.

Dangerous, indeed.

Dangerous, I suppose.

- Hmph.
- [chuckles]

I'll check on Julius.

He did get pretty messed up.

Worried?

I mean, yeah.

That fight took
a lot out of him--

but more than
just physically,

you know?

Also, I've been wondering,

why was Miss Anastasia trying
so hard to help him out before?

I'm also concerned
for their well-being.

But we need to focus
on the exam.

If we don't get past it,

we won't find a way
to get Rem back.

To tell you the truth,

that examiner was
incredibly strong.

He might even be
on Reinhard's level.

I think he was indeed
similar in strength.

Each country has
someone whose strength

is on a similar level,

a warrior comparable
to the master swordsman.

Reinhard's the strongest
person in the kingdom.

So there's someone
like him in each

of the other three countries?

Mm.

[mysterious music]

The top general
of the Vollachia Empire,

the Blue Lightning,
Cecil Segmunt.

The Mad Prince of
the Holy Kingdom of Gusteko.

And the city-state of Kararagi
has the Admirer, Halibel.

None of them fit
the description

of the stick swinger.

His clothes resembled the
traditional attire of Kararagi,

I suppose.

He was also a master
with chopsticks.

[SUBARU] I'm not sure
you could call him a master.

That's not even how chopsticks
are supposed to be used.

[MEILI]
Hey, you guys?

Sorry, but, uh, got a minute?

[yawns]

Oh, my master.

No, don't leave me here alone.

I don't want to be
alone anymore.

Stop being so damn depressing
when we're just about to leave.

I bet you're totally
awake too, aren't you?

Ah, phooey!

[grunts]

What the--

what are you guys
still doing here?

Last thing I remember happening
was Master's flash of insight

getting us past the exam.

Is this a dream?

No, this isn't a dream.

Well, then that must mean
that master really hugged me

tight and said, laughing,

"I swear I'll never
let you go ever again."

That part was a dream!

You completely passed
out at the moment

the second exam got started.

Me?

Pass out just like that?

You've gotta be kidding.

I'd never do
anything so pathetic.

Don't make me laugh.

You seriously don't remember?

We went up that really
long stairway that led

straight into a white room.

Mm, mm.

Then, when I
pulled out the sword,

the scenery changed
and a person appeared.

Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

A guy with
red hair and blue eyes.

And he was calling
himself a stick swinger.

- [screams]
- Ow! Not again!

Shaula, you're crushing me!

You remember now?

Oh, what in the world
is he doing here?

He's still alive?

That guy really can't
be k*lled, can he?

Wait, huh?

What are you saying?

Stick Swinger!

Reid the Stick Swinger!

That brute!

That devil!

He crawled out of hell
and came back to life

just so he could
fondle my boobs!

- Ow. Ow. Ow.
- No, no, no!

Wait, Reid?

Isn't Reid the name of the--

No!

Reid Astrea--
the first master swordsman.

[gasps]

[whines]

Julius!

Sorry to bug you
when you're sleeping.

We finally figured out
who that guy was.

And we need your--

oh, that damn idiot!

[clang]

[whoosh]

[footsteps]

[REID] This time we're not
just playing around here.

Understand, kid?

I am an Imperial Knight
of the Nation of Lugunica,

Julius Juukulius.

So long as you keep
throwing around that crap

like it means something,

you're not even worth
my time to play with.

[footsteps]

[yawns]

[grunts]

Yah!

[growls]

[clanging]

[growls]

You're so boring.

Playing exactly
by the book, are ya?

Ah!

[heavy impacts]

Ugh!

Ugh!

Yah!

[thuds]

You get it?

[grunts]

Ha!

[groans]

[pants]

Geh.

Damn, you really are pathetic.

How long have you been
using a sword, anyway?

Just so you know, it's only
been three months for me,

so I hope it hasn't
been too long.

[pants]

[choral music]

♪ ♪

I will, [gasps], defeat
you right here and now.

What a dumb thing to say.

You really think
that's possible?

Well, it ain't.

Least, not for you.

[grunts]

[thud]

You can't lay
a scratch on me!

You haven't yet,
and you never will!

You're simply not good enough.

[gasps]

Get it through
your thick skull

that you're never
gonna belong here!

You're the wrong
actor for this scene.

Nobody asked for you.

♪ ♪

Nobody's keeping an eye
out for a loser like you.

They don't expect
anything of you.

Don't be naive thinking
I'm just playing around,

letting you off easy.

[thud]

Agh!

[grunts]

Damn.

You withstood that attack?

You're just getting more and
more boring as time goes on.

[pants]

♪ ♪

Right now, this is all of me.

This strength I have
is the only thing.

Yah!

There's hesitation
in your swordsmanship.

Sorry, kid.

[clang]

You're not worthy
of the Heavenly Sword.

In fact, you don't
even have what it takes

to become a simple follower.

[thunk]

[gasps]

[clacking]

[ominous music]

[SUBARU] I've seen with my own
two eyes how strong you are.

My shame always reminds me.

It doesn't matter
if no one else knows.

Julius!

♪ ♪

[whoosh]

[panting]

[footsteps]

[panting]

It's very unsteady.

Finally awake, huh?

Are you carrying me
on your back?

That's right.

Just so you know,

I've done this twice
now in recent history.

Do you have any
idea how it feels

to be doing this again


I never want to do this again?

No wonder I awoke
feeling so uncomfortable.

How about I just go
and drop you right here?

[footsteps]

Will Miss Anastasia
be all right?

Her life's not in any danger.

Actually, you came
a whole lot closer to death

than she did,
up against him.

You're gonna be real
surprised when you find

out who that eyepatch guy was.

[JULIUS]
Reid Astrea.

Well, good job
figuring it out.

I had to learn it from Shaula.

I had a hunch about
it when he referred

to himself as a stick swinger,

but it wasn't
enough to confirm.

I'm sorry I couldn't tell you.

It's fine.

[footsteps]

Hey, Julius?

I figure it's best
I tell you now,

since you'll find out
when we're back, anyway.

After both you and Miss
Anastasia were defeated,

Emilia passed the exam.

[grunts]

But don't get me wrong.

It's not as if she
matched that Reid guy

in strength or anything.

A lot of the fight worked
in her favor by chance.

Plus, Emilia is-- well,
she's, you know, special.

I guess what I'm saying is,
don't get too, uh, worked up.

Worked up?

If Miss Emilia was
able to pass the exam,

then Reid
the Master Swordsman

is not an
insurmountable obstacle.

And that knowledge alone
helps us immensely.

Oh, yeah.

You're right.

That's a good point.

As long as you understand it.

With that said, would
you mind letting me down?

I fear if I spend much
more time on your back,

I'll be unwell.

Emilia would k*ll me
if she found out

I made you go down
these stairs while you're hurt.

I'm awake.

I can walk down stairs myself.

A little late
for the tough guy act.

Everybody already saw
me carrying you earlier,

except Shaula and
Miss Anastasia, that is,

since they were both
still unconscious.

That's my reason, then.

I can't let
Miss Anastasia see me.

Seriously, it's not
a big deal, Julius.

[JULIUS]
Put me down.

You know, you really
don't have to worry about--

- Whoa!
- I told you to put me down!

- What are you-- stop!
- Do you hear me?

Hang on!

[grunts]

Are you kidding?

You idiot!

What the hell
were you thinking?

[JULIUS]
Stay back!

I can stand on my own.

I never asked for your help,
nor do I need it.

Stop.

[gentle music]

♪ ♪

[grunts]

Like I told you before,
I can stand up myself.

It is a simple matter.

Yes, I may take
more time than usual.

But there's no need to put
you through any extra trouble.

Would you mind going
on ahead and informing

the others of what happened?

I will explain
the majority myself,

so don't worry.

You need only tell
them that you found me

and that I'll
join them shortly.

Ah, damn it!

Damn it, damn it, damn it.

Idiots!

You and I are both huge idiots!

What do you think you're--

Now shut your mouth.

Stand up on your own, my a*s.

You're obviously
having a hard time

even staying upright.

You knew before that fight was
over that you couldn't win.

Beaten, embarrassed,
knocked on your butt--

and you had no choice

but to keep going back
for more, right?

There was just no other way to
get it all out of your system!

Thanks to a certain someone,

I understand pretty
damn well how that feels.

[pants]

I won't try
to pretend like I know

what's really
going on deep inside

that dense head of yours.

But for right now, there is
absolutely no reason for you

to shuffle your
sorry self all the way

down this long-a*s stairway
without anyone's help.

I can spare you a shoulder,

and I won't even
think of it as a favor.

Looking back,
I realize I--

so I'm not gonna let you go
down these stairs on your own.

[footsteps]

♪ ♪

[JULIUS]
Subaru?

[SUBARU]
Yeah?

[JULIUS]
I'm sorry.

[SUBARU]
Huh.

Shut up.

♪ ♪

[JULIUS]
I am certain

there's not a soul
who would believe it.

That blowhard,

the very same one
who made enemies of everyone

in the castle's
Great Hall that day,

as he finished
speaking those words,

he couldn't deny his
frivolous attitude or the fact

that he was riding purely
on momentum when he spoke them.

And still--

regardless,

there was someone,

one person in that hall
who was deeply moved by them.

JULIUS JUUKULIUS