03x22 - All About Sharon

[bunniefuu]

♪

(Beeping)

♪ Something tells me

I’ve been dreaming ♪

♪ Of someone who was

never real ♪

♪ It’s seems I've changed

a thousand ways ♪

♪ I wish I looked

the way I feel ♪

♪ Braceface

♪ My life gets complicated

♪ Boyfriends

♪ Don’t want to talk about it ♪

♪ Teenage

♪ I’ll work it out in the end ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ Ah

♪ Ah

♪

♪ Braceface

♪ My life gets complicated

♪ Boyfriends

♪ Don’t want to talk about it ♪

♪ Teenage

♪ I’ll work it out in the end ♪

♪ Braceface

♪

Hey, "Elkford Pioneer Village

is now hiring costumed tour

guides for a summer season.

Help bring history to life."

(Gasping)

We should all apply for this.

I’m not sure I wanna spend

the summer wearing a hot, itchy

costume and baking tea biscuits.

It wouldn’t just be that.

We’d be taking care of animals

and gardening.

I’m allergic to everything

you just said.

Why are you guys so down on

this?

It sounds like fun.

Not to me.

Ha, yeah, I’ll stick with

this century, too, if you don’t

mind.

You guys are too picky.

I’m gonna phone the pioneer

village right now.

Go get ’em.

SHARON: I could deal with my

friends not being interested in

the job, but I was really

excited about it.

Would it have k*lled them to be

a little more encouraging?

Oh, I’m never gonna remember

all these names and dates.

Yeah, I don’t like History

tests, either.

No, this is for my job

interview at the pioneer

village.

I have to give a speech about

Elkford as if it was 1885.

Then just write it on your

hand.

(Screaming)

What’s wrong?

M-m-mouse!

Calm down.

He’s more scared of you than you

are of him.

Ha, ha, I’m not scared.

(Laughing nervously)

I just didn’t wanna step on him.

Ugh, there’s crumbs everywhere.

(Yelling)

Another one?

No, but this one ate my

energy bars!

You shouldn’t buy those

things anyway.

They’re just overpriced granola

bars.

Well, they were my overpriced

granola bars.

But, don’t worry, I'll take care

of our furry little freeloader.

Adam Spitz, don’t you dare

hurt him.

Of course not, but this

house isn’t big enough for me

and that mouse.

Does that mean you’re moving

out?

You’re a riot, Sharon.

A real riot.

And that’s how Slimy River

became the town of Elkford.

Thank you.

So be honest.

What did you think?

I was up all night writing it.

Not bad.

It’s a good start.

A good start?

You might wanna take out some

of the dates.

It doesn’t sound very natural.

Yeah, and you should put in

some details that make it sound

like you really lived back then.

Hmm, so you think it needs

work?

Well, a little.

You wanted feedback, right?

Yeah, of course.

Thanks, guys.

I guess I better go and work on

it some more.

Don’t count on getting a

study room.

They were all booked.

Oh, I’ll find an empty room

somewhere.

♪

(Teacher clearing throat)

BOY: Hey, my film!

Sorry.

When did we get a dark room?

(Whistling)

(Clearing throat)

Welcome to Elkford Pioneer

Vill--

No, wait.

Hello, you must be new in town.

May I show you around Elkford?

Excuse me, which way is the

main office?

I’m new and, ha, Elkford's a lot

bigger than my old high school.

The office is right through

there.

Thanks.

And every fall, Mother and I

make blueberry preserves--?

(Laughing)

Oops, sorry.

Only one loser per closet.

Welcome to Elkford High, new

girl.

(Sobbing)

(Laughing)

Oh, Sharon gets weirder every

year.

(Girls laughing)

My name’s Sharon.

I’m sorry you didn't have a

nicer welcome.

That’s okay.

I’m Winnie.

It’s nice to meet you.

You have a lovely...closet.

(Laughing)

It’s not exactly mine.

I was just borrowing it to

rehearse.

(Gasping)

Are you an actress?

Not really, but I do have a

kind of audition.

I bet you’ll get it.

You were really convincing.

Aw, you only heard two

seconds of it.

And now I’m craving blueberry

preserves.

Ha, ha, ha, thanks for the

compliment.

You can hang out in my closet

anytime.

Sharon, could you tell me

where the main office is?

My timetable’s all messed up.

How did you get four lunches

and a class instead of four

classes and a lunch?

Just lucky?

Come on, we’ll go fix this.

Hey, after school, do you want

to meet my friends?

I’d love to.

I just moved from Saskatoon and

I don’t know anyone.

I hate that we had to move

before the end of the school

year.

Yeah, that’s rough.

But I’m glad I met someone

nice right away.

What a freaky coincidence.

I can’t believe we both collect

swizzle sticks.

I can’t believe anybody does.

Are you working this summer,

Winnie?

I’m going to answer phones

for my dad’s business.

But I wish I could work at the

pioneer village with Sharon.

If I get the job.

You’ll get it.

And, Sharon, I know that you

don’t call it acting, but it

totally is.

SHARON: Well, I would have to

create a character.

And there is a lot of

improvisation.

Penny, why didn’t you tell me

about the acting gig at the

pioneer village?

Well, you’re my agent.

You’re supposed to know these

things.

Maybe you should play the

part of a real woman that lived

here.

Like pick a specific historical

person.

That’s a good idea.

Can I help you write it?

Sure, if you really want to.

(Bell ringing)

Hi, guys.

(Gasping)

Guess what?

They let me have the locker

right next to Sharon’s.

I got them to put me in your

homeroom too.

Do you mind?

No, that’s great.

I’ll see you in class then.

Okay.

Later.

Wow, locker and homeroom

buddies.

I guess.

What?

You just met Winnie

yesterday, right?

So?

She’s new.

She’s just being friendly.

Sheesh, you guys are so critical

lately.

See you later.

♪

These history books are all

about men.

Didn’t the pioneer women do

anything?

I bet they did tonnes, they

just didn’t write it down.

Oh, this one did.

Look, "The Journal of Eliza

Bell."

She was Elkford’s first

schoolteacher.

(Gasping)

I could be her for my audition.

That’s perfect.

And I could be all teacher-y

like.

(Old lady voice) I’m Ms. Eliza

Bell, the school mistress, and I

don’t want to see any fidgeting

on my tour.

(Gasping)

Oh, that’s great.

I’ll write it down for you.

(Normal voice) What are you

doing?

I’m bringing in an expert.

Okay, our perpetrator is a grey

field mouse.

Two inches long, he is

considered harmless but highly

annoying.

Now go find him.

SHARON: Adam, he’s an indoor

cat.

He doesn’t know anything about

mice.

Sure, he does.

He has animal instincts.

I’m pretty good at mouse

catching.

Maybe I can help.

How many have you caught?

Just one, but lots of times.

My pet mouse, Houdini.

Oh, Adam, this is my friend

Winnie.

She just moved here.

Winnie, my brother Adam.

Hi.

Oh, nice grip.

Are you a bodybuilder?

No, ha, ha, but I get that

a lot, ha, ha.

(Lawrence meowing)

SHARON: Lawrence is acting

weird.

The mouse is behind the

fridge.

♪ Not for long

(Grunting)

SHARON: Leave the poor thing

alone.

That poor thing chewed a

hole in my wrestling shorts.

Oh, speaking of clothes...

I thought you might want to wear

this to your audition.

(Gasping)

It’s beautiful.

It was my Halloween costume

last year.

I’m sure it will fit you.

I tried on your jacket and we’re

exactly the same size.

Thank you.

When did you try on my jacket?

You’re going to look perfect.

ADAM: There he is!

Okay, now you keep him cornered

while I go get a box.

(Lawrence hissing then yowling)

I told you.

You’re a long way from king

of the jungle, aren’t you?

(Meowing)

We better hurry.

If we’re late for Gym, Miss

Vudovich makes us run laps.

Hello, ladies.

We’re in a rush, Nina.

I thought I should warn you

not to get your hopes up about

the pioneer village job.

I’m applying too.

And next to me, your audition is

gonna look like bad dinner

theatre.

You’re the one who should

worry, because Sharon and I

wrote an amazing speech for her

audition.

It’s totally unique.

"Unique"?

Is that code for "weird"?

No, it’s code for "Sharon's

audition is gonna blow yours

away."

Now excuse us.

Argh, you don’t scare me!

I’ve got my best people writing

my speech.

You really stood up to Nina

out there.

Hey, nobody disses my friend.

Nice.

Thanks.

You’re up.

One, two, three.

Sweet!

A for effort, but your

technique needs a little work.

No, it doesn’t.

She made the basket.

Yeah, but there’s a right way

and a wrong way--

And Sharon did it the right

way.

Look, I’m captain of the

girl’s team.

I know what I’m talking about.

Right, Sharon?

Look, it went in the net.

Who cares how it got there?

Fine, whatever you wanna

hear.

Pssh, I think she’s feeling

a little jealous of our

friendship.

Not Maria.

She isn’t like that.

Don’t be so sure.

What do you recommend?

Brown-bagging it.

(Laughing)

You are so funny.

Okay, Sharon’s fan club is

really starting to get on my

nerves.

Tell me about it.

In Gym, I tried to give Sharon

some tips and Winnie got totally

protective.

She jumped all over me.

Where’s Sharon off to?

I don’t know, but I can't

stay, either.

I have an AV Club meeting.

See you later, okay?

Connor, don’t leave me alone

with--

Winnie, hi.

Um, where’d Sharon go?

She wanted to work on her

speech.

Actually, I’m glad, because

I was hoping you and I could

talk.

Hey, sorry I didn’t join you

for lunch.

I was working on my speech.

Um, but I’m totally free now if

you wanna go hang out at Life

Cycles.

Oh, you wouldn’t wanna hang

out with someone as childish as

me.

Don’t you think you've outgrown

our friendship?

What are you talking about?

You know, if you think a

friend is someone who sucks up

to you all the time, then you

and Winnie deserve each other.

SHARON: I don’t get it.

I only asked if Maria wanted to

hang out and she freaked.

Pssh, that’s so childish.

You know, sometimes old friends

drift apart.

Maybe you’ve outgrown Maria.

What did you just say?

I said, maybe you’ve outgrown

Maria.

SHARON: Suddenly, something

felt really wrong.

Why was Winnie using the exact

same words Maria did?

What was going on?

♪

I have to call Maria.

(Grunting then thudding)

Shh!

Why are you sitting here?

(Whispering:) I’m gonna catch

the mouse.

Check it out.

When he goes for the bait, I

yank the string.

The box drops and I’ve got him.

Whatever.

I need to use the phone.

Don’t!

You’ll scare him off!

Come on, this is urgent.

Ugh, fine.

We probably scared him all the

way into the basement by now.

Or maybe not.

Look.

Argh, Sharon!

(Ringing)

MARIA: Wong here.

SHARON: Hi, it’s Sharon.

I wanna straighten things out.

I think we got our wires

crossed.

And I think Winnie might have

made it happen.

Meet me in the b-ball

court in the park.

Yeah, Winnie did say something

to me today.

She had a lot to say.

Like what?

Oh, just that I’m way too

critical of you, that you’ve

outgrown our friendship, that if

I even want to stay friends with

you I better back off.

What?

Your new best friend is very

protective.

She is not my new best

friend.

I never said that.

Why would she say that to you?

Was she trying to wreck our

friendship?

You want my opinion?

Please.

Winnie either wants you all

to herself or she really

believes she’s your best friend

and she was trying to protect

you from me.

Well, then she’s a few peas

short of a casserole.

So, what are you gonna do?

I guess I’ll have to tell her

that she’s the one who needs to

back off.

But first, maybe my real best

friend could teach me how to do

a real layup?

You’re on.

Morning, Sharon.

(Gasping)

Whoa!

You dyed your hair?

Yeah, I did it last night.

Look, it came out the same

colour as yours.

Exactly the same.

(Grunting)

So, what did you wanna talk

about?

(Bell ringing)

Um, right.

Uh, here’s the thing.

I think we need to be less

together from now on.

I’m sorry?

It’s not you, it's me.

Well, kind of.

But anyway, uh, I need some

space.

(Gasping)

You’re breaking up with me?

I-I wouldn’t say that,

exactly.

Why?

I did everything to make you

like me.

You’re my only friend in

Elkford.

That’s why you need to meet

some other people.

I can’t be your only friend.

Here.

It’s your pioneer costume.

I wouldn’t feel right using it.

You know what I think,

Sharon?

I think you were just using me.

What?

I helped you with your

audition and I built up your

confidence.

And now you don’t need me

anymore, so you’re ditching me.

All I wanted was to be your

friend.

(Sobbing)

You called this an audition

speech?

"Hi, I’m a pioneer.

This is my village."

Look, I’m sensationally

talented, but even I can’t turn

garbage into gold.

The audition is on Saturday,

people.

So I want you to write a new

speech and this time, I--

(Sobbing nearby)

Uh, what’s your problem?

(Blowing nose)

I don’t have a problem.

Sharon’s the one with the

problem.

Sharon as in Sharon Spitz?

Yes, I didn’t know you could

be fired from being a best

friend.

NINA: I can’t believe she

dumped you after all your help

with her speech.

Here.

WINNIE: Thanks.

(Blowing nose)

Wait, why are you being so nice

to me?

Because I know what it’s like

when your friends let you down.

Now, tell Nina all about it.

Oh, what a crummy day.

Hey, Moby, wanna meet Sharon?

Adam, you caught the mouse.

Yeah, I bought one of these

humane mouse traps at the

hardware store.

I named him Moby because he was

harder to catch than Moby d*ck.

It’s really hard to stay mad

at something so cute.

He’s adorable.

Come on, let’s take him out to

the field and let him go.

Right now?

But we just met.

Mom isn’t gonna let you keep

him.

(Sighing)

I know.

Maybe your friend Winnie could

take him.

She likes mice.

Unh, please don’t say that

name.

I had to give Winnie the

brush-off.

Why?

She was nice.

Yeah, but she got a bit too

attached to me.

It was getting creepy.

Of course she’s gonna be a

little clingy.

She doesn’t know anybody else

yet.

Give the girl a break.

Thanks, Adam.

I wasn’t feeling quite guilty

enough.

I guess I could go see her after

my interview tomorrow.

I should thank her for helping

me with my speech.

That’s more like it.

♪

Lazlo the Hamster is on.

You’ll like this, Moby.

Winnie?

Sharon.

What are you doing here?

You remember what I said about

needing space, right?

Don’t flatter yourself.

I’m not here to see you.

I’m here with a friend.

You are?

Oh, that’s great.

I’m so glad you're meeting

people.

Who is it?

You’re here with Nina?

Some people value my

friendship.

(Laughing)

Ladies and gentlemen, can we

get started?

Thank you.

I’m Mr. Brocklehurst and I'd

like to welcome you all to our

pioneer village.

I’m delighted to see so many

young people with a passion for

history.

Now, we have many auditions

today so may I have a volunteer

to start us off?

Ah, thank you, Miss...?

Nina Harper, sir.

I hope you don’t mind the period

costume.

I wanted to be authentic.

Whenever you’re ready, Miss

Harper.

(Exhaling)

(Old lady voice) Good

morning, everyone.

I’m Miss Eliza Bell, your school

mistress.

Now, I don’t want to see any

fidgeting on my tour.

(All laughing)

You stole my speech!

Young lady, settle down.

Winnie, how could you give

her my speech?

I know you’re mad at me, but--

MAN: I’m afraid you'll have

to leave, young lady.

You need to behave a little more

maturely to get a position here.

(Sharon sighing)

And don’t you be coming back

until you learn to play well

with others, missy.

(Kids laughing)

♪

Aw, how touching.

Sharon’s getting comfort in her

time of woe.

Too bad about the pioneer

village job.

But what did you expect after

throwing such a hissy fit?

If it’s any comfort, the

interviewer said that your

speech--

Sorry, my speech.

Was, and I quote, "simply

inspiring."

So I guess that means you got

the job?

Well, duh, of course.

I start training this afternoon.

Just think, while you’re

cleaning sneeze guards at some

fast-food restaurant this

summer, I’ll have a sweet acting

job.

Ah, it’s good to be me.

(Both laughing)

Well, the Classifieds stink.

Do you guys wanna check out the

student job bank after school?

I’m in.

You guys go ahead.

There’s something Adam and I

have to do.

SHARON: What a strange week.

The mouse started out as a

pest, but ended up as Adam’s

friend.

And Winnie went from being a

friend to being a total pest.

Bye, Moby.

SHARON: In the end, we said

goodbye to both of them.

I just wished I figured out

Winnie before she handed Nina

my perfect summer job.

Sir, I don’t understand my

motivation for painting this

fence.

♪

♪