03x15 - My Big Fat Braceface Life

[bunniefuu]

♪

(Beeping)

♪ Something tells me

I’ve been dreaming ♪

♪ Of someone who was

never real ♪

♪ It’s seems I’ve changed

a thousand ways ♪

♪ I wish I looked

the way I feel ♪

♪ Braceface

♪ My life gets complicated

♪ Boyfriends

♪ Don’t want to talk about it ♪

♪ Teenage

♪ I’ll work it out in the end ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ Ah

♪ Ah

♪

♪ Braceface

♪ My life gets complicated

♪ Boyfriends

♪ Don’t want to talk about it ♪

♪ Teenage

♪ I’ll work it out in the end ♪

♪ Braceface

♪

Oh, no!

Good morning, sweetie.

It’s only good for people who

like having their mouths

tortured.

I see you’re looking forward

to your check-up with Dr. Hertz

today.

I am so sick of these stupid

braces, Mom.

What’s wrong with crooked teeth

anyway?

Nothing, but don’t you want

to make the most of that lovely

smile of yours?

Grrr!

Hi, Maria.

No, I can’t go biking.

I have to go see Dr. Hertz.

Yeah, okay, talk to you later.

Bye.

Um, excuse me.

Sorry, but I couldn’t help

hearing.

Did you say you’re going to see

Dr. Hertz?

Unfortunately, yes.

Is he really that bad?

I’m on my way there to see if I

need braces.

Oh, don’t worry.

It’s not really so horrible.

How can you say that?

My social life needs work as it

is, and with braces, well, I

just might as well forget

about having a boyfriend for,

what, the next million years?

Oh, I didn’t mean it like

that, really.

That’s okay, I understand.

I guess I used to feel like

that myself.

Am I being shallow?

It’s just that Lisa, my best

friend, she just started going

out with this guy, Cody, and

he’s so cool, and his best

friend Max is, like, the cutest

boy I ever met and not just

cute.

I mean, he’s smart and funny and

really, really nice.

Anyway, I have this total crush

on him, like you couldn’t tell.

Duh!

So what happens?

He asked me out to go bowling

with him on Saturday.

Hello; would I say no?

Of course not.

But if I get braces, I’m so not

going out of the house ever,

except for school-- eh, maybe.

(Laughing)

It’s not funny.

I’m sorry, it’s just that you

remind me of myself the day I

got my braces.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

It wasn’t one of my better days.

Honey, great news.

Remember when we signed you up

for braces in 6th grade to fix

your whole wisdom teeth

situation?

Well, Dr. Hertz’s office finally

called.

They have an opening today.

No way!

Don’t worry, honey.

It’s only for a couple of years.

(Echoing)Years...

Years...

Years...

Just like that?

No warning at all?

No, unless you count being

signed up when I was 11, but

I’d forgotten all about it by

then.

Yee, it sounds awful.

It wasn’t really.

It’s just that the day had

started out so perfectly.

Oh, yeah?

Why?

Alden Jones.

This boy I’d had a major crush

on forever, well, I was sitting

with some of my friends in the

cafeteria at school.

Of course that’s assuming he

passes his boards.

Hi, mind if I join you?

So, I was thinking, the disco

decorations are supposed to be

really cool on Saturday.

(Sniggering)

I thought maybe you’d want to

see it, with me, at the dance.

TRACY: That is so cool.

Yeah, I’ll never forgot it as

long as I live.

Well, here we are.

We’re a little early.

You want to walk for a while?

Sure.

So what happened at the

dance?

Did you and Alden have, like,

the best time?

Well, not exactly.

I didn’t go to the dance with

Alden but not because of my

braces, which he was totally

cool about, by the way, but

because someone, who shall

remain nameless, lied to him and

sabotaged our date.

So what did you do?

Well, I figured the best way

for us to spend more time

together was for me to apply for

a job working with him at his

uncle’s factory.

Good idea.

Well, I thought so at the

time but--

Ew, what’s that horrible smell?

That’s what meat packing

plants smell like.

The job’s in a meat packing

plant?

Yeah, free hotdogs.

Great, I love hotdogs.

Please don’t let me get this

job.

Please don’t let me get this

job.

You got the job, didn’t you?

Of course.

Ew!

What did you do, wear nose

plugs?

Believe it or not, yeah, but

the whole experience made me

become a vegetarian, so it was

worth it.

The only thing was we started

feeling kind of icky about

Alvin.

They don’t really look like

meat, do they?

At the slaughter house there

were all these animals just

lined up waiting to die.

It was awful.

That’s why I’m quitting, Alden.

Cool.

It’s great you’re taking a

stand.

If I felt like that, I’d quit

too.

You mean, he didn’t quit too?

So did that end your almost

relationship?

No.

I realized that just because

he ate meat didn’t mean he

wasn’t the sensitive great guy I

always thought he was.

(Sighing)

So you went out with him after

that?

No.

After that, things got even

worse.

But, Alden-- that’s his

name, right?

He sounds perfect for you.

That’s what I thought too,

and the more I got to know him,

the more I realized that he and

I were meant for each other.

So I finally decided to make

the first move and let him know.

(Dialling tone)

Please don’t pick up.

Please don’t pick up.

Hey, it’s Alden.

Leave a message, and I’ll get

back to you when I can.

Hi, it’s Sharon, Sharon

Spitz.

I, um, wanted to let you know

that it’s so obvious we’re

soul mates.

I realized it at the record

store the other day.

Actually, I realized it the day

we met.

Anyway, you’re really nice, and

you’re really fun, and I just

hope you don’t think I’m all

weird for saying this, but I

couldn’t keep it a secret

anymore.

The money in the shoe thing is

weird but sort of a sign, don’t

you think?

Bye.

Wow.

You must have really impressed

him.

Well, the message accidently

went to the wrong person’s

voicemail.

Oh!

You must have the worst luck in

the world.

My life is definitely

interesting, but if I was really

that unlucky, I never would have

gotten the call.

I couldn’t help it.

I had to check my voicemail

right away, just in case.

There was always a million IN

one chance it could be a

life-altering message.

Hey, Sharon, it’s Alden.

Um, I was thinking you’re

really nice and funny, and we

have so much in common, maybe

we should hang out-- I mean,

outside school.

Isn’t it weird that we both

keep money in our shoes?

Yes, and I bet your first

date was, like, totally

romantic.

Romantic; no way.

It was the worst first date

ever.

Ow, oh!

Oh, ah!

Are you okay?

No, I’m fine.

It’s just my stomach.

Maybe you should sit down.

SHARON NARRATING: I didn’t

know what was happening.

One minute it was like we were

in heaven; the next, I was

seriously worried about finding

a toilet.

(Groaning)

Then do you want me to take

you home?

(Gasping)

I don’t think anyone’s home.

Well, then, um--

Ow!

That’s it; I’m calling 9-1-1.

No, it’s okay, it’s okay.

Help, I think my friend’s

having an appendicitis attack.

(Siren wailing)

How embarrassing.

Actually that wasn’t even the

worst part.

Sharon’s going to be just

fine.

If you haven’t had the cramps

before, they can take you by

surprise.

The cramps?

Yes, that’s what I said.

(Clearing throat)

Is that a life-threatening

illness or something?

Of course not.

Most girls get them at some time

or another during their

menstruation cycle.

It’s just too bad your sister

had to get them with her first

period.

TRACY: His sister?

Now, there are enough

sanitary napkins to last a few

days.

Of course we’ve already shown

her how to use them.

No!

Ah!

(Baby howling)

That is so awful.

Oh, I don’t even want to

think about it.

But you know what?

Alden has older sisters, and he

was cool with it, and once I got

over the embarrassment, we

finally did become boyfriend and

girlfriend.

All right!

But your braces; weren’t you

freaked about kissing him?

Like you wouldn’t believe,

but they had to come off for a

whole day, so I decided that we

were going to have our first

kiss while I was brace-free.

Finally a lucky break.

That’s what I thought.

Wow, what luck.

(Laughing)

(Bottle clinking)

But my kid brother

interrupted us, and we never got

another chance that night.

No?

Yes, though when Alden and I

finally did have our first kiss,

I was wearing my braces, and

it was still fabulous.

Uh!

Oh!

Uh--

Urgh, sorry.

Mm-hmm.

TRACY: So the braces didn’t

bother him at all?

Not one bit.

Okay.

I’m starting slightly to feel

slightly less freaked.

You should.

If that guy Max likes you, he’ll

like you with or without your

braces.

I guess.

Trust me; my braces have

never got in the way of having a

boyfriend.

As a matter of fact, there was

this guy, Jason.

He was a counsellor-in-training

at this summer camp I went to.

But what about Alden?

Well, I didn’t think he

cared anymore because he was

hardly writing any letters.

Okay, so what happened?

Alden decided to pay me a

surprise visit.

(Tires screeching)

Sharon!

Huh, Alden?

TRACY: Was he jealous?

He sure wanted to know who

Jason was, and I sure gave him a

hard time for surprising me like

that.

I thought he was spying on me.

Was he?

No, but that wasn’t why I was

really down on Alden.

Now, I know this sounds awful,

but I thought that, next to

Jason, Alden just seemed kind of

boring.

Really?

Yeah, that’s why all I could

think about was being alone on a

boat with Jason.

We are currently northwest.

Are you sure?

How do I know you know how to

read a compass?

Well, when the red arrow is

at the end, that indicates

that-- ah!

Are you all right?

(Thundering)

(Screaming)

What happened?

Did Jason take control?

Aha, not exactly.

(Sobbing)

Jason, snap out of it.

I need your help.

We’re going to die!

(Sobbing)

SHARON NARRATING: We were

saved by the rescue boat.

Hey.

Hey, back.

Ah, what a happy ending.

Oh, that’s not the ending.

There’s more.

In a way, the story should have

stopped right there because the

good times didn’t last much

longer.

They didn’t?

How come?

High school.

I think it was the beginning of

the end for me and Alden.

Urgh, I am so dreading high

school.

Don’t worry; the first few

weeks were rough, but

everything’s cool now.

I hope you’re right.

So what broke you and Alden up?

It started when he met this

cheerleader named Tess.

(Laughing)

All right!

(Clapping)

Woo-hoo!

What are Brock and Alden

doing with them?

Who?

Those cheerleaders?

They’re not really with them,

are they?

You tell me.

Ahem!

Uh, hi, Sharon.

You know Tess and Leanne.

They were at Kimberley Junior

High.

Hi.

We were just talking.

(School bell ringing)

I’ll catch up with you later.

TRACY: He dumped you for a

cheerleader?

How totally shallow.

Alden and Tess were just

friends, but I got jealous and I

wrote a nasty pretend letter

about them, like the kind you

write in your diary.

Any, I vented all my frustration

and resentment.

"Dear Alden, how could you

possibly hang out with Tess

what’s-her-name?

Can’t you see she’s a total

airhead whose biggest issue in

life is what size-enhancing bra

to wear?

Does she even have one

interesting thing to say?

(Electrical zapping)

Miaow!

Okay, Lawrence, I feel a

little better.

(Electrical zapping)

(Computer beeping)

Oh, no, what’s happening?

(Electrical zapping)

Where did it go?

I wasn’t really going to send

that thing.

Remember what I said about

luck?

Alden was really upset with

me, but when I tried to

apologize, to explain how it had

happened, he just didn’t want to

listen.

I guess I just saw a side of

you I never knew.

So what does that mean?

Are you breaking up with me?

You are?

So does this mean you’re going

out with Tess now?

She’s just a friend, okay?

This is nothing to do with her.

I mean it.

I just want to be on my

own for a while, keep it simple.

(Sniffling)

Oh, I am so sorry.

I realized too late that I

should have just trusted him

more, but everything’s fine now.

It was weird at first, but we

finally got to be really good

friends.

So did you ever meet anyone

else you liked?

Well, there was this new guy

in school that I kind of liked

named Bailey.

So what happened?

Alden.

Alden?

SHARON NARRATING: He got

bonked on the head by a

hockey puck.

Ugh!

And when he came to, he

thought I was still his

girlfriend.

How are you?

Hi.

Dude!

Ah, you must have been really

worried.

I’m so sorry.

Amnesia?

Yeah, and so I had to pretend

to be his girlfriend because the

doctor said a shock might

interfere with his recovery.

Let me guess: you got back

together?

Yes and no.

(Gasping)

What am I doing?

Uh, kissing me goodnight.

But I shouldn’t be.

Why not?

Because, uh-- I, uh--

A-choo!

Oh, I’m catching a cold.

No kissing until I get better.

(Slamming door)

(Laughing)

Whatever you say.

SHARON NARRATING: It was

awful.

I felt like I was falling in

love with Alden all over again.

I knew it.

You two are so meant to be

together.

(Laughing)

Hold on, I’m not finished.

I haven’t told you about Alden’s

new girlfriend Marlo.

Marlo?

Is she a cheerleader?

No, and she’s really nice.

Even though it was hard for her

too, she was pretty cool about

the whole thing, and remember,

the amnesia wasn’t going to last

forever.

But your my girlfriend, and I

love you.

(School bell ringing)

You just said you loved me.

Yeah.

You’ve never said that

before, ever.

I know.

MARLO: Ready for the game?

Oh, hi, the game.

Are you going?

Yeah, sure.

I’m sorry, what were we talking

about?

Oh, I can’t stand it.

It is kind of frustrating,

when you think about it,

especially since--

What?

You’re not telling me something.

Well, it’s probably nothing

but a few days later-- oh, look,

Alden and Marlo.

Hi.

TOGETHER: Bye.

ALDEN: Your my girlfriend,

and I love you.

And that’s it.

For now.

What do you mean?

There’s more to this story.

It just hasn’t happened yet.

No way.

Alden and Marlo are great

together, and I’m really

comfortable with the way things

are.

So no more catching ba*ls

with your mouth, Ted, okay?

All right, I’m ready for you

now, Tracy.

SHARON: Good luck.

How did it go?

I don’t need braces, just a

night-time retainer.

Oh, sorry to sound so happy

about it.

That’s okay.

All righty, Sharon, it’s your

turn.

Tracy, what are you still

doing here?

I didn’t get a chance to say

thanks.

For what?

Calming me down before the

appointment.

By the time I got in there, I

realized I could have a life,

even with braces.

Cool.

Yeah, what you said really

helped.

Huh, it kind of helped me

too.

I realize that my braces have

sort of become part of who I am

now.

But I still think that even

if you’re not actually unlucky,

you’ve had some really bad stuff

happen to you.

My mom’s a therapist.

She always says, "Bad times are

an opportunity to grow."

Then you must have grown a

lot.

Hmm, I guess you’re right.

Sharon?

Alden?

I’m just on my way to

practice.

(Clearing throat)

Oh, sorry.

This is Tracy.

Tracy, Alden.

Hey.

Hi.

I’ve heard so much about--

wrrgh!

(Giggling)

Anyway, I’ve got to go.

Nice to meet you, Tracy.

See you later, Sharon.

You’re right.

He is cute.

Stop it.

(Laughing)

♪