05x19 - The Show Must Go On... Or Else

[bunniefuu]

[beeping]

[theme music]

[music playing]

Hard drive, hard drive,
wherefore art thou, hard drive?

[laughs]

[beeping]

[laughs]

All's well that ends well,
my futuristic friend.

Uh!

Oh, crap!

[beeping]

[music playing]

[laughter and chatter]

[inaudible] actor's
ratty wardrobe.

Yum!

Nothing makes me hungrier
than the three S's.

Sun, surf, and sand.

Want a bite of my Cinnamon
Soy Cluster Stick?

I'll pass.

I'm too weirded out by
the fact that Clover

actually bailed on an
awesome beach sesh with us.

It's so unlike her.
- Oh!

No doubt.

She must have had
something way major

on her sched to skip the beach.

Let me guess.

What's the one
thing that can keep

Clover away from the shore?

[music playing]

A boy.

Uh, guys, you're coming
back from the beach already?

There's still like 15
minutes of good sun left.

Uh, Clover, we were
there for like four hours.

Yeah, If we stayed any
longer, we would have

had to pay rent to the lobsters.

[laughs]

[clears throat]

So, who's your friend, Clover?

[music playing]

This is my new
beau, Wilhelm we've

been at one of his weightlifting
competitions all day.

Wilhelm!

I'd like you to
meet Sam and Alex.

[TOGETHER] Hi.

Uh, nice to meet you, too.

So, Wilhelm, I had like
a great time and all,

but I need to get
back to my dorm

and, um, dry clean my shoelaces.

Uh-huh.

Wow!

That's quite a massive man
hunk you got there, Clover.

Hm?

Oh!

I am so tired of dating
dumb jockey dudes.

I need a serious
change in my life.

Where are all the
artsy, sensitive boys?

Usually taking artsy,
sensitive boy courses,

like theater class.

Yeah!

Hey, look!

An announcement for a new
theater class at Mali-U!

I bet the artsy, sensitive
guys will be all over it.

I better sign up
for this right away.

I can't wait to be exposed to
an entirely new class of guys.

Caio!

Whoo-hoo!

Let's see, now.

Where to sit for
maximum hottie scopage?

Ah!

This job burdens my very
existence to its core!

It's as if the students
are conspiring against me!

Whoa.

These cute, artsy types
are totally combustible.

Clearly I made a mistake.

Luckily there's
still time to bail.

Uh!

No one leaves this class
without my permission.

If I have to be here, so do you!

Even if it's for an eternity!

[thunder]

And scene.

Hi, everyone.

Welcome to Theater 101.

That was an example
of an angry scene.

[applause and chatter]

We act not because we
want to, but because

of a burning passion
inside lest it consume us

like a fiery dragon of despair!

Now it's time to cast
my latest one-act play.

Oh, oh, oh!

Can I be cast as
the romantic lead?

I totally have
tons of experience.

Hm.

Actually, I have something
else in mind for you.

[music playing]

So he kicked a chair
all crazy and mean,

but really, he's pretty nice.

And he has a role
in mind for me,

so maybe I'm like the damsel
in distress or femme fatale.

Oh!

And he's really cute in a
tortured, artsy, sensitive kind

of way.

So I take it you
liked your first class?

Hello!

Are you hearing me?

This is only like
my life's calling.

[beeping]

Hello?

[EVERYONE] Whoa!

[yelling]

Thanks for taking
my call, ladies.

That was a really
sneaky, dirty trick, Jere.

Why, thank you.

Shall we get down to business?

There's been a break-in at
a clandestine computer lab.

We're not sure if
anything has been taken,

but there are a number of
top secret and potentially

dangerous programs there.

And if anyone's gotten
their hands on them--

Hm?

Clover, for the of Hampton Court
Palace, what are you doing?

I'm practicing
acting indifferent

for my theater class.

Was I convincing?

Oh, very.

Perhaps these gadgets
will hold your attention.

The Motion Alarm Pencil
connected wirelessly

to the X-Powder, Head
For Cover Hoverboards,

and the Metal Morphosis
Magnet Faux Tooth.

Mad lineup, Jere.

We can get some serious
snooping done with these.

Then by all means, hop to it.

[yelling]

[laughs]

I say we take a stealthy
approach in order to keep

our investigation secret.

Good thinking,
Sammy, just in case

this happens to
be an inside job.

[music playing]

The Motion Alarm
Pencil has us covered.

Now let's solve this case so I
can get back to where I belong.

Under the spotlights.

The X-Powder can scan
to see if any outside

users bypassed
security and interfaced

with a specific program.

[beeping]

Cool!

Well, seem like our little
computer is smarter than them

all.

Looks like someone
cloned a computer program

called the Nexi Project.

It has the capacity to hypnotize
those exposed to a pulsating

light pattern it produces.

Freaky.

Too bad we don't know
exactly who did the cloning.

But we do know that they left
this piece of ripped fabric

behind.

SAM: Good fine, Alex.

Let's get this back to
WOOHP for analysis--

[beeping]

It's the Motion Alarm Pencil!

Someone's coming!

Quick!

The Head For Cover Hoverboards!

Hey!

Who is that?

[yelling]

Huh?

Get back here!

I can't hover around
this place all night.

My play starts in
like 10 minutes!

And you guys need to be in
the audience to supporting me.

Don't worry.

I have an idea to
outsmart Mr. Smarty Pants.

Way to turn the
tables on him, Sammy.

[music playing]

Uh!

I cannot believe we're
wasting our time here.

I mean, what is
the point of having

a play if there's not even
a red carpet and paparazzi?

Yeah, totally.

What's up with that?

Lamest production or what?

"King Henry the Eighth-capades
And Historical Musical."

This ought to be interesting.

[thumping]

Oh, lookie!

The curtain's going up!

[music playing]

[SINGING] Woe is me!

Where is my bride to be?

Years of girl trouble
have left me in rubble!

This is kind of upbeat,
but where's Clover?

I thought she was going
to be one of the leads.

She's a lead, all right.

SAM: Lead lightpost!

[laughs]

[music playing]

[SINGING] I'll never taste
defeat, only this tender mead.

I'm the monarch with style.

Thanks for staying a while!

I'm King Henry the VIII!

Yeah!

[applause]

Thank you.

[snoring]

Hey!

Hey!

Wha-- what?

I just wanted to let everyone
know that the Mali Cafe will be

open late tonight,
and your ticket

stub gets you a free straw with
every two beverage purchases.

Well, that's something
you don't see every day.

Ugh!

That play was worse than
being stuck in the Valley

without a cellphone.

Totally.

And what was with that
actor's ratty wardrobe?

Ultra super mega
low budge much??

Well, you've got to
hand it to Clover, though.

She was the most convincing
lightpost I've ever seen.

Guys, I'll catch up with you
in a few minutes at the Cafe,

'k?
- Sure, Clover.

See you there.

Wowza!

Who knew acting could be
so satisfying to the soul?

Kind of like a Mali
Cafe double soy mocha.

Want to join me?

Fools!

These people wouldn't know
good theater if it him

them like 20-ton wrecking ball.

[gasps]

Uh, I guess you probably want
to work on your award speech

after that powerhouse
performance.

See you later?

Guess I'll have to kick my
production up another notch.

Then they'll have to
acknowledge my greatness.

[music playing]

What are you doing?

Ahhh!

[music playing]

Where's Virgil?

He said the Cafe was
going to be open.

Virgil!

I totally realize that I make
playing a lightpost look really

easy, but I researched
that role extensively

before I went on stage.

Well, um, it
looked very natural.

And didn't Milton rock?

He's such an amazing,
misunderstood artist.

You definitely got the
misunderstood part right.

[chuckles]

Finally!

I've got a vicious
case of the munchies.

Howdy, ladies.

Can I get you 10 of my special
baked beans and pork bellies?

Virgil, Halloween's
like five months away.

What's with the getup?

There's gold in
them thar hills.

That's why this old
cowboy's headin' west.

OK, whatever.

Can I get a mineral water,
no ice, and a wedge of lime?

I told you vermin
what's on the menu,

baked beans and pork bellies!

Virgil, you know my policy
about eating cute things.

I'm extremely against it.

Gosh durn city slickers
don't know hospitality

when it's offered to ya.

Now git out of my cantina!

Hey!

Watch it!

No shoving!

OK, that was bizarre
even by Virgil's standards.

Which is saying something.

Apparently someone's
been breathing

in too many coffee fumes.

Oh!

Come on, let's just go to bed.

[sinister laugh]

[music playing]

[bell ringing]

I had the weirdest dream
about Virgil last night.

Unfortunately, we
all had that dream,

and even more unfortunate is
the fact that it was real.

Actually, I think
it was a dream that

just turned into a nightmare.

What a dreadful mess.

I'll have this place
spick and span in no time.

It is mankind's
destiny to explore

space, the final frontier.

[chatter]

Is Mindy cleaning
the classroom?

With her own hands?

Where'd she even
learn to do that?

More importantly, where
did Mandy learn to do that?

It is mankind's
destiny to explore

space, the final frontier!

[cheering]

OK, so Ken and
Virgil, that makes

three cases of full-blown
insanity at Mali-U

in the past few hours.

Hm.

Insanity or hypnosis?

I'm calling Jerry to
follow up on that stolen

computer program.

JERRY: Psst!

Girls, over here!

Wow, that was fast, Jere.

I'm glad you called.

I've gotten the results
on the fabric you sent.

Turns out it is a
rare velvet which

dates back to the 16th Century.

Terrific.

We can make a tiny set
of curtains with it.

That's not all.

I've tracked down the
person who bought it

recently at an antique auction.

His name is Stefan Toucay.

Stefan Toucay?

Who's Stefan Toucay?

This is.

[gasps]

No way!

That's Milton.

But why is his name
listed as Stefan?

Duh!

Obviously, it's one of
his many stage names.

The more stage names you have,
the more talented you are.

I think you girls should
immediately investigate

this Milton character.

TTFN!

This is ridiculous.

Like Milton would ever
waste his time on crime.

Let's go over to the theater
right now and clear this up.

Better yet, you go
over to the theater

and keep Milton busy while
we snoop his office to see

what sort of evidence turns up.
- What evs.

This is a total waste of time.

Come on, let's
check out that office.

[music playing]

According to this,
Milton used to direct

plays off-off-off Broadway.

That's so off Broadway
it's almost back on Broadway.

He sure has written his
share plays, though.

Huh?

What is it, Sam?

Tell me if this
sounds familiar.

"There's gold in
them thar hills.

That's why this old
cowboy's headin' west."

"It is mankind's
destiny to explore

space, the final frontier."

These are the lines that
Mandy and Virgil were saying.

But why are they in a script?

I'm not sure, but
it looks like we

found our criminal connection.

Uh!

The very thought of
accusing Milton of something

so silly is like beyond lame.

[gasps]

What is he up to?

So, didn't care for
my play last night, huh?

Maybe this will
adjust your attitude.

[screams]

[laughs]

[gasps]

I feel like as a butterfly.

[laughs]

[thump]

Huh?

Huh?

Oh!

[music playing]

Hm.

Huh.

What would a theater
geek like Milton

want with a computer disk?

[beeping]

Nexi Project?

That's the top secret
hypnosis program

that was stolen from the lab.

Which might start to explain
why people around campus

are acting so weird.

And Clover is alone with
that totally demented guy!

Let's go!

Keep your distance,
you creepy imposter!

Hm.

Excellent use of stage
props, my lovely understudy.

Your acting potential
seems limitless!

Really?

Do you mean it?

Cause I've been
working on my skill.

Yes, but now that you've
seen what I'm doing,

I'm going to have to
cut your career short.

[yelling]

Alex, no!

Huh?

Oh, my.

It's drafty in here.

Now where did I put
my crocheted shawl?

How care you turn our best
friend into a frail old granny!

[chuckles]

What can I say?

The theater takes all kinds.

[beeping]

[yelling]

[music playing]

Clover!

Are you OK?

Other than feeling like I
fell head first into a bag

of hammers, I'm great.

Where are we?

[evil laughter]

OK, what is going
on with Milton?

The show.

Because the show must go on!

I can't believe I used
to like his cheesy lines.

And therein lies the problem.

It seems as if a
few people don't

enjoy my brand of theater.

Judging from the old
reviews in your office,

most people don't enjoy it.

In fact, they kind of hate it.

Which is why I've decided
to hypnotize those who were

critical of last
night's production

and turn them into characters
for my newest production,

"Disaster On The
Terror Express!"

Uh!

Oh, my.

It's drafty in here.

Now where did I put
my crocheted shawl?

It is mankind's
destiny to explore

space, the final frontier!

OK, so you've turned everyone
into bad actors like you.

What now?

I'll turn all of Earth's
population into actors,

and the entire world
will be my stage!

[laughs]

The premise is very simple.

Several unlikely characters
meet on a train which is headed

towards sudden destruction.

[TOGETHER] Ahh!

By certain destruction, I
take it you mean brick wall?

All aboard!

And action!

[train whistle]

[laughs]

[music playing]

Those wheels are going to
slice us into one big cut roll

if we don't stop that thing.
- Uh!

I can't reach any of my gadgets.

Quick, use the Metal
Morphosis Magnet Faux Tooth!

Good thinking!

Blech!

[music playing]

Awesome!

Worked like a charm.

[screaming]

[crash]

I think it worked
a little too well.

Come on!

[crash]

Nobody rewrites me!

None the less, I'll see to it
that this play ends in tragedy!

[music playing]

Everyone!

Get off the train
before it's too late!

There's gold in
them thar hills!

That's why this old
cowboy's headin' west.

Milton's got them so messed
up Virgil doesn't even realize

he's already in the west.

Uh-oh!

The one and only top on this
line looks like the Mali Cafe.

Except I don't
think it's stopping!

Ah!

A fitting cl*max to my story.

[music playing]

Break a leg, everyone!

Huh?

Whoa!

Not so fast, pal.

Whoa!

Oh!

Hey, let me go!

The hero always gets away.

Exactly why you
won't be getting away.

Nice catch, Clover.

But if we don't stop this
train, let's just way

there won't be a sequel.

No prob, Sammy.

Yes!

[train whistle]

Hey, watch it!

What?

[yelling]

OK, what now?

[train whistle]

It looks like we
managed to steal

the train away from
the Cafe, but now

we're headed for the ocean!

We have to evacuate the actors!

But how?

They won't listen to us.

But they will listen
to the director.

Come on!

Forget it!

I won't do it!

Milton Bard doesn't take
notes on his own script!

Fine.

Then I guess you'll go
down with the ship just

like all the extras.

Huh?

Oh.

MILTON [ON PA]:
Everyone abandon ship!

Now!

Ahh!

It is mankind's
destiny to explore

space, the final frontier!

[yelling]

[music playing]

[splash]

[TOGETHER] Yeah!

Oh, my, it's drafty in here.

Now where did I put
my crocheted shawl?

Excellent work, girls.

And thankfully,
we've figured out

a way to reverse the hypnotic
effect of the computer program.

And best of all--

ALEX: Ahh!

What happened?

I feel like an elephant
played soccer with my head.

No one will have any
recollection of what happened.

Don't worry, we'll fill you
in on the details later, Alex.

So what do you have planned
for our friend Milton?

Or should I say Stefan?

He'll have an entirely
new audience now,

his fellow inmates
at the WOOHP prison.

Did you say audience?

I'd better start
working out a new play.

Whoa!

Perhaps a comedy
set behind bars!

Some people don't
know when to give up.

[beeping]
- Huh?

Oh!

Time flies when you're
catching bad guys.

I'm late for my
date with Wilhelm.

We're going to the ballet.

Wilhelm?

I thought you were
sick of jockey guys.

That was before I
realized how seriously

mental artsy boys are.

Ciao!

Looks like we're headed
to the beach alone again.

The beach?

I love the beach!

Let me just grab my bathing
suit, and I'll join you.

Ew!

Jerry, go work on your base tan.

Yeah.

You're going to blind
us with that pasty skin.

[laughter]

Oh.

[laughs]

[theme music]