05x04 - The Granny

[bunniefuu]

[soft music]

[gentle music]

[whooshing]

[beeping]

[theme music]

[digital chirping]

[crowd murmuring]

[digital chirping]

After 30 years, the
Third Street Bank is

once again open for business.

[crowd cheering]

Looks like it's time
to finish the job.

D'oh.

Oh!

OK, Grandma.

Time to go to your new maximum
security home, the kind

you'll never leave.

[grunts]

[grunts]

[suspenseful music]

[handcuffs rattling]

We'll just see about that.

[chimes tinkling]

[digital chirping]

[rockabilly music]

Um, This is Malibu
University, Clover.

Keyword being university.

What good are good grades
when you're all pasty?

Trust me, Sam.

A tan coed is a happy coed.

[groans]

And a coed who doesn't
fail first semester

is an ecstatic coed.

Whatever.

I'm so not worried.

You're looking at the master
of the last minutes study sesh.

Hello?

Can't you, like, see I'm
doing some important cramming

on my tan lines, here?

[romantic music]

Oh, I mean, hi, there.

I'm Clover.

What's your major?

The name's Blaine,
captain of the Mali-U

beach volleyball team.

[squeals]

So, Blaine, what do you
like to do for fun when

you're not hitting the sand?

Coach says if I spend half
as much time practicing as I do

on shoe shopping,
hanging at coffee cafes,

and watching romantic comedies,
I'd probably go pro someday.

[squeals]

[gasps]

Wow, forget Coach.

I think you sound perfect.

Oh, uh, I mean
perfectly well rounded.

You know, with a
lot of interesting--

interests?

Hm, I should really
get back to practice,

but would it be OK if I,
you know, got your number?

[gasping]

BLAINE: Wha?

Call me!

- Hm.
- Whoa.

That was way weird.

Yeah.

It was like being in a parallel
universe with a male Clover.

A total hottie who
likes everything I do.

I can hardly believe it, myself.

In fact, I can't think of
one thing that could spoil

our soon-to-be relationship.

[romantic music]
[digital chirping]

[gasping]

Except this!

[screaming]

[grunts]

[screaming]

[groaning]

[whimpering]

I'm beginning to think there's
some evil conspiracy to prevent

me from getting a tan.

No conspiracy, Clover.

Just a highly
treacherous mission.

[funky music]

[digital chirping]

You three are to escort an
extremely dangerous criminal

from WOOHP's
containment facility

to a higher-security
penitentiary.

If a the is so
dangerous, why didn't you

just put them in
the penitentiary

in the first place?

Um, with the recent deluge
of criminal masterminds,

WOOHP has been experiencing a
little overcrowding as of late.

[gulps]

Exactly how
dangerous is dangerous?

Yeah, I may have an
important date tonight,

and I'd like to be
around to enjoy it.

Spies, meet The Granny.

[funky music]

[laughter]

That's the dangerous
criminal mastermind?

[laughs]

What's she guilty of?

Keeping her world-famous
cupcake recipe secret?

[beeping]

Hm.

Aw, she totally reminds
me of my own granny.

I should give Nana a call.

I miss her.

Don't let looks fool you.

The Granny was one of the
most notorious and ruthless

bank robbers of her generation.

Keyword being was.

For your mission, you'll need
the ultra-inflatable nylon tech

vests, jet backpacks, infrared
motion detector sunglasses,

and the pressure
inversion snow spray.

It's like hairspray,
only much colder.

[screams]

[laughs]

I doubt we need all
this fancy stuff, Jer.

After all, The
Granny is in her 80s.

Sam's right.

If we can't outrun a woman
in big, padded shoes,

we should just give up now.

I assure you, The
Granny is very cunning,

so please be extra cautious.

Your new vehicle should help.

[squealing]

[groans]

Awesome!

It has a titanium shell for
protection against baddies

and a hover feature
for quick getaways.

Not to mention shock
absorbers, for perfect lip

gloss application, no matter
what the road conditions.

[scoffs]

A girl's gotta have
her priorities.

I'll drive.

GRANNY: Shotgun!

[laughs]

Hey, I'd know
that smell anywhere.

[SINGING] Crispy on the
outside, soft and chewy

in the middle.

BOTH: [SINGING] If
cinnamon's your fave,

have a Snickerdiddle.

[groans]

[screams]

[whipping]
- Oh.

Ouch!

What'd you do that for, Sammie?

Didn't your mother teach you
to never take a Snickerdiddle

from a stranger?

Relax, sweetie.

They were baked with love in
WOOHP's containment facility.

The only thing I was able
to sneak in was real butter.

Real butter?

That is a crime!

If I had your beauty
and metabolism, dear,

I'd eat an entire
container every day.

You must have all
the boys after you.

Not all the boys.

[laughs]

Just most.

Remember, girls, Jer warned
us not to fall for her totally

transparent act.

And you're obviously
the brains of the group.

With intelligence and
insight like that,

you must outsmart
all the criminals.

[laughs]

Well, not all the
criminals, just most.

Now, who's ready for a cookie?

[moaning and chewing]

It's like a little taste
of butter-infused heaven.

Woo!

[moaning]

Oh, my gosh.

That is so good!

Yeah, they totally
melt in your mouth.

So what do you say we
get this show on the road?

You don't want to keep the
nice folks at WOOHP waiting.

[engine revving]

[tires squealing]

[digital chirping]

[whooshing]

[birds chirping]

According to my X-Powder, the
high-security WOOHP pen should

be coming up on the right.

Knit one, pearl two.

And presto!

Just a little something
to remember me by.

What's it for?

Why, it's a cozy for
your X-Powder, dear.

Aw!

How did you know purple
is my fave color?

Call it a
grandmother's intuition.

Can I have another
Snickerdiddle?

Oh, dear.

Now, you've got crumbs all
over that cute suit of yours.

[laughing]

Stop it.

Oh, Granny, that tickles.

Oh, are the
restraints chaffing you?

No, dear.

Just my stiff joints
flaring up again.

Would you mind loosening
them just a smidge?

Hm.

I guess a smidge
couldn't hurt.

[laughs]

It's not like you're
going anywhere, right?

And miss all this girl talk?

I haven't had this
much fun in years.

[laughs]

[groaning]

[gasps]

[tires squealing]

[grunts]

Sayonara, ladies.

[screaming]

[stammers]

Forget it.

There is no way I am
taking on a frail old lady.

We'll call that fatal
mistake number two.

[tires squealing]

[gasps]

[screaming]

[dramatic music]

[groans]

I've always hated
backseat drivers.

But I'm not in the backseat.

We'll just see about that.

[screaming]

[dramatic music]

Thanks for the tricked-out ride.

Later, losers.

[screams]

[grunts]

[air hissing]

[groans]

[groaning]

[grunting]

[air hissing]

Tell me we weren't just
bamboozled by an elderly lady.

Worse.

We were bamboozled by
an elderly lady wearing

a fuzzy yellow cardigan.

I cannot believe I fell for
her lovable granny routine.

Oh.

I guess it's time to call Jer
and fess up to our mistake.

[groans]

[digital chirping]

Where are you girls?

The WOOHP penitentiary is
still awaiting your arrival.

Listen, Jer.

Um, we have something
we need to tell you.

The Granny kind of overpowered
us with her knitting needles,

and then took off in
the WOOHP vehicle.

Oh, my.

I was afraid something
like this might happen.

I warned you, The Granny
is extremely cunning.

Oh.

[funky music]

Don't worry, Jer.

We're on that baddie like
Clover at a 50%-off shoe sale.

Good.

Because she'll be up to
her old bank-robbing tricks

the first chance she gets.

[digital chirping]

Let's just hope
these tracks hold up.

Why bother with tracks when
you can follow the vehicle's

tracking system, instead?

[digital chirping]

Great thinking, Clover.

Now, let's hit it.

[funky music]

[phone ringing]

[squeals]

I bet that's Blaine.

Clover?

Where Well you?

It sounds like you're in
some kind of wind tunnel.

That's just my new,
um, uh, windy ring tone.

You like?

How can it be your
new ring tone when

we're already on the phone?

Well, uh, what I meant to
say is that I'm in the, um,

Mali-U skydiving club.

Adrenaline's such a rush.

Guess you're too busy
to grab a coffee, then?

Not a chance.

See you at the
Mali-U cafe at 3:00.

Mm.

Girls, I think I'm in love.

[grunting]

Aw, I didn't
realize how much I

miss Bev Hills until just now.

[squeals]

The new winter line's just in.

A quick peruse couldn't hurt.

OK.

First, we nab The Granny.

Then, you can shop
till you drop.

[digital chirping]

[suspenseful music]

Come out with your
Snickerdiddles up!

Huh?

Wow!

That old gal can really move.

I just hope I'm as
good shape in her age.

It's fitting we're
in a dead-end alley,

'cause we are so dead when
Jer gets wind of this.

[digital chirping]

[static crackling]

Bingo!

OK, you're not
gonna believe this,

but it looks like The
Granny scaled that wall.

They say power yoga can keep
you young well into your 80s.

[grunting]

[gasping]

The Sunny Lane Retirement Home?

What would a notorious
bank robber be doing here?

Only one way to find out.

I'm with ya.

After we put on
disguises, of course.

[zapping]

[laughing]

That's a good look for you.

Yeah, laugh all you want, but
Jer totally owes me an aroma

therapy facial for this.

[grunts]

[laughter]

[playful music]

So, which of you
lovely ladies would

care to play a round of bridge?

[laughs]
[groaning]

That's you two.

I can guarantee he's
not talking to me.

[whooshing]

We're north and south,
and they're east and west.

So, who wants to cut the deck?

But we don't even
know how to play?

What?

[expl*si*n rumbling]

Sorry, but I think
you've just been trumped.

[suspenseful music]

[shouting]

[door crashing]

[groans]

Not so fast, Granny.

[groaning]

Alex!

That's what you think, deary.

[screaming]

[grunting]

Don't worry.

Thanks to the shoe's excessive
padding, it doesn't hurt a bit.

Oh, yeah?

Well, how about this?

[coughs]

[groaning]

No!

[groaning]

[digital chirping]

[suspenseful music]

[groans]

[grunts]

[grunting]

[laughs]

Hosed by support hose.

That's a first.

[grunts]

[grunting]

[screaming]

[grunts]

[grunts]

Hey, no fair!

Oh.

Tell me about it.

Heirloom jewelry should
only be used for good.

[evil cackling]

Wow, The Granny must be on one
of those high-powered seaweed

and algae shakes.

She's totally amped.

Which is the exact
opposite of how

Jer's gonna be when he finds out
The Granny outsmarted us twice.

If she outsmarted us, then
how come she left behind a clue?

Check it out, girls.

All these bills are
made out to Papa.

Papa?

Hardly seems like
a baddie's name.

Well, he served 15 years for
one of the most notorious bank

heists in British history.

So, Papa and The Granny were
a bank-robbing super team?

More like a super trio.

Just like us.

[laughs]

Sorry to interrupt,
but there's been

another escape from a state-run
minimum security prison.

The escapee is also in her 80s.

That must be the other
woman from the photo!

[gasps]

The Granny's rounding
up her former g*ng!

And my guess is, they're
planning something ginormous.

Thanks, Al.

That totally narrows it down.

I'm afraid it is a bit vague.

Until we have more to go on, you
three should return to school.

Awesome.

Now, I'll totally be on time
for my date with Blaine.

[laughter]

Glad I could help.

[whooshing]

[light music]

[zapping]

They say the right clothes
can make you look years younger.

Yeah, about 60 years younger.

Oh, no!

My X-Powder's gone all fritz-y.

No, no!

Eject us anywhere else but here!

[grunts]

Clover?

Is that you?

Hey, there, Blaine.

Oh, is that a vanilla
no-foam soy latte?

[laughs]

When you said, "Let's
meet for coffee",

I had no idea we were
supposed to dress up.

Oh, this?

[laughs]

I can explain.

I'm, uh, trying out
for the lead in a play.

The Way Weird Odd Couple.

[laughs]

Cool.

I didn't know you
liked the theater.

[laughs]

Neither did I.

[groaning]

[zapping]

ANNOUNCER: 30 years ago today,
a team of notorious bank robbers

targeted this very bank.

But their efforts were
thwarted by law enforcement.

All that's ancient
history, though,

as the Third Street Bank is
once again open for business.

Hm.

[gasps]

Is it me, or is
The Granny's plan

suddenly not so vague anymore?

Yeah!

Looks like she and her posse
have some unfinished business

with the Third Street Bank.

Sorry to interrupt,
but we've gotta jet.

You know how Granny
hates to wait.

Sorry to drink
and dash, Blaine.

Promise to make it up to you.

I totally understand, Clover.

You've gotta visit your granny.

We'll do something tomorrow.

[suspenseful music]

[slurps]

[panting]

Girls, now I know I'm in love.

[groaning]

[whooshing]

[gloomy music]

MAN: Thank you.
- Hi, there.

What can I do for you today?

Actually, deary, how about
we see what I can do, instead?

[gasping]

What's going on?

This is a stickup.

Hands in the air
where I can see them.

What's a matter, sonny?

You having trouble believing
an old lady can rob a bank?

[shouting]

[engine revving]

[missiles firing]

[screaming]

[missiles firing]

[groans]

Do your worst!

[screaming]

[grunts]

[laughing]

Do you believe us, now?

Step on it, sonny.

We ain't getting any younger.

[laughter]

[alarm blaring]

[gasping]

Did you pull the alarm?

[gasping]

I always tell my
grandchildren to play nice.

They don't listen, either.

[shouting]

Oh, no!

[laughing]

Sounds like we got
here just in time.

What do you say we drop in on
the old granny unannounced?

You know how old
people hate surprises.

Well, folks, it's
been a pleasure

doing business with ya.

[grunts]

Unfortunately, we gotta run.

Ha!

Ooh!

Sorry, but you golden oldies
aren't running anywhere.

We prefer the term
youth challenged.

[grunts]
[teeth chattering]

[gasps]

[whimpers]

Ugh!

Now, that's what I
call an overbite.

Hey, are you OK?

You really need to be
worried about yourself, dear.

[grunting]

What are you
waiting for, sweets?

Scared to take on someone
of my advanced years?

Duh!

Please.

I eat spies like
you for breakfast.

[groaning]

OK.

Now, you've gone too far.

Granny or no granny,
no one touches

the crop by my hairdresser.

[shouting]

Serves you right, you
white-haired menace to society.

[grunting]

[gasps]

Alex, look out!

[gasps]

[shouting]

[shouting]

What's next?

Exploding curlers are
bobby pin machine g*n fire?

[zapping]

[screaming]

I was kidding!

[screaming]

[laughing]

Wait right there, Alex!

[laughing]

Ouch!

Watch where you're
going, would ya?

[groaning]

I never thought I'd be glad
to have to wear granny hose.

Until now.

Can't breathe.

I'm warning you.

Let Sammie go!

[groaning]

[laughing]

What are you gonna do?

Pay me to let her go?

No.

I was thinking of
making you pay!

[air sputtering]

[shouting]

[suspenseful music]

[gasping]

[gasps]

[grunting]

[tinkling]

I wove Kevlar yarn
right into the cable knit.

My sweater's not only
warm, it's bulletproof.

Now, take them down, Bubbe.

Care for a mint?

[screaming]

[groaning]

Gross!

Get them off!

I'd love to, only they're so
sticky and old, I can't move.

[screaming]

Ew!

I hate to think what would
happen if we actually ate them.

[gasps]

That's it!

What's it?

Warm weather!

MAN: Sammie, this is no
time to plan a vacation.

[digital chirping]

[sirens blaring]

[groaning]

Ciao, girls!

We'll send you a
postcard from Mexico.

Woo-hoo!

[tires squealing]

[ice creaking]

[screaming]

What's happening?

[ice whooshing]

[dramatic music]

[groaning]

I knew I should have put my
travel agent on speed dial.

Wow!

Old people really
do hate the cold.

Great thinking under
pressure, Sammie.

[laughs]

Low pressure, that is.

[clapping]

Nice work on the
octogenarians, spies.

Hm.

Huh?

That's a fancy word for old--

oh, never mind.

[funky music]

I'm gonna miss
that sweet smile.

Not to mention that
incredible hair.

What's your secret?

Ha!

As if I'd fall for your
sweet old lady talk again.

[growls]

[engine cranks]

Bye.

[bubbling]

[digital chirping]

[upbeat music]

Whoa, this place
is totally sweet.

It almost makes me
want to rob a bank.

What?

I said almost.

Well, we can always
come for a visit.

Ah, since when do we visit
baddies in our spare time?

Uh, since I tasted
Granny's Snickerdiddles.

[groans]

Mm.

[digital chirping]

[funky music]

[zapping]

[groaning]

[coughing]

Guess installing that
hair trigger was a mistake.

[knocking at door]

[coughing]

Who is it?

Uh, Blaine, you're coughing.

Are you sick?

What's going on in here?

I was just, um, making toast.

But I burnt it.

[coughing]

Remind me never to
let you cook for me.

Hey, I almost didn't
recognize you without the getup.

Actually, that's what I
came by to talk to you about.

I promise the, uh,
play won't interfere

with any more of our dates.

That is, if you still
want to go out with me.

Pick you up tomorrow at 8:00?

[squeals]

[laughs]

You really are
too good to be true.

Mm.

[playful music]

[whooshing]

[dramatic music]

[soft music]