04x04 - The O.P.

[bunniefuu]

[beeping]

[theme music]

[expl*si*n]

[music playing]

MAYOR: History will remember
this, my good citizens, the day

we finished our dream
community, the Ocean Palisades,

the perfect place to live.

[cheering]

Perfect for you maybe.

Hmm.

[clock tower ringing]

[gasps]

[screams]

[music playing]

SAM AND ALEX: Hey.

But they're not
even dry yet, Clover.

Sorry, girls.

This can't wait.

You mean you actually found
something more important to you

than our weekly mani?

Yes.

My love life.

SAM AND ALEX: The dating thing?

Alex, Sam, meet
the love computer.

She's gonna find
me the perfect guy.

Chow, bellissimas.

Uh, Clover, I hate
to break it to you,

but there's no such
thing as the perfect guy.

And even if there was,
what does a computer

know about matchmaking?

Everything.

Clover, may I have your
love questionnaire?

[sam and alex gasp]

Your perfect guy
has bluey green

eyes, is strong but gentle.

Artistic but with
an advanced grasp

of natural and applied science.

Buff but not
bulky, likes dogs.

His name starts with
a T. Uh, picky much?

I am not picky.

Just highly selective.

Now give me that.

You're wasting valuable
dating minutes.

Here, Elsie.

The name of your
perfect match is no one.

[clover screams]

No one?

But you promised to search
under every rock on the planet

for my perfect guy.

I did, and nada.

Though there was
a match on Pluto.

Really?

No.

Just kidding.

Ha, ha.

Better luck next time.

Wait!

Come back!

I demand a refund.

[sam giggles]

Ugh, can you believe
the nerve of her?

SAM: She kinda
reminds me of GLADIS.

[clover groans]

Come on, Clover.

Let's go back to the salon.

You can drown your
sorrows in a pedi.

Hmm.

[all shout]

Hello?

Doesn't Jerry know that I'm
in the middle of a teen crisis

here?

[all shout]

Ah, good afternoon, girls.

[all exclaim]

ALEX: Awesome wheels, Jer.

Glad you like it, because the
Ne Plus Ultra 3,000 is for you.

[all gasp]

You as in us?

No way.

OK, my teen crisis
is officially over.

This baby screams guy magnet.

What's the occasion, Jer?

No occasion.

Just a little something to
show how much I appreciate you.

GLADIS, why don't you tell the
girls about their new ride?

Oh, if I must.

The NPU 3,000 is voice activated
and made of titanium alloy.

It is virtually
indescribable and since it

has high power invisibility
shield, ideal for subterfuge.

Invisibility shield?

Way cool.

Too bad we'll never
use it since pretty

much the whole point of our
existence is to be seen.

GLADIS: Here is where you
can access your gadgets--

laser nail file, suction
cup bottom go-go boots,

multifunction charm bracelets,
and turbo bungee belts,

equipped with a stash of
high powered mini bombs.

CLOVER: Excellent.

[jerry chuckles]

Actually, girls, you
won't need your arsenal.

There is no mission.

You have the weekend off.

New car, time off is anyone
thinking what I'm thinking?

ALL THREE: Road trip!

Do you girls have a
destination in mind?

Uncharted dating territory.

Now let's roll.

Not without me.

Or me.

[all three shout]

Uh, Clover?

I know you're in a hurry
to find a date and all,

but do you think you
could slow down a little?

It's not me.

It's the NPU 3000.

This thing totally
has a mind of its own.

You just have to
be firm with it.

NPU 3000, slow down.

[tires screech]

Windshield wipers off.

Trunk closed.

[static hisses]

Way to show it
who's boss, Sam.

Look out!

Stop!

[metal crunching]

[alex groans]

Virtually indestructible?

I don't think so.

Hey, what happened
to the red-haired guy?

And more importantly,
where are we?

[birds cawing]

Maybe this is some
kind of 1950s theme park.

[dog barks]

Yeah, and the
theme is uber hottie.

Long

Are you ladies OK?

We are now.

In that case, welcome to
the Ocean Palisades, a model

community unlike anywhere else.

I'm Todd.

And I'm smitten--

I mean, Clover.

Thanks, Todd.

I'm Sam, and that's Alex.

Sorry.

We really did the
job on your gate.

Don't worry, Sam.

We'll have it fixed in a jiffy.

[whistles]

Wow.

Wish they could fix
our ride like that.

The OP has a perfect
auto shop that can do it.

Meanwhile, would you
like a tour of our town?

[men grunting]

Lead the way, perfect match--

I mean, mean, Todd.

[meows]

[girl cries]

Don't cry, Muffy.

[cat purrs]

How interesting.

Everyone who lives
in the OP pitches

in when anyone's in trouble.

Good job.

And they have white teeth.

And flawless skin.

The OP has a perfect dentist
and a perfect dermatologist.

[woman giggles]

[old woman giggles]

[chuckles]

OK, this is
getting ridiculous.

Is there some kind of good
Samaritan competition going on?

No.

OP citizens are nice by
nature, perfectly nice.

I'm into nice.

I'm also into perfection.

I've saved the best for last.

[music playing]

This is our town square.

Isn't it perfect?

Yeah, cool.

Why don't we hit the mall?

What's a mall?

You are so hilarious.

[laughs]

I am?

Wait.

There really is no mall here?

How is that possible?

Who needs a dumb mall when
we have a romantic clock tower?

Why don't we go up and
check out the view, Todd?

Go up the clock tower?

We can't.

It's a violation.

Why?

Is there something
special about it?

I don't know.

Not all questions have answers.

[dog barks]

Hey, what's that?

Whatever it is, it
belongs in the trash.

Littering is
forbidden in the OP.

It looks like some
kind of microchip

with a red hair stuck to it.

Hey, didn't that guy we
almost hit have red hair?

Yeah.

You must know this teenager
who was running away.

No one runs away from the OP.

[clock tower rings]

Oh, wait, Todd.

Where are you going?

Home.

It's curfew.

Curfew?

It's like 7 o'clock.

[dog barks]

I'll see you girls tomorrow.

[music playing]

[cat meows]

OK.

Who else has the
feeling everything here

is not as perfect as it seems?

Totally.

This place is so random.

And so dark.

MAYOR: Violation!

I repeat, violation.

Something tells me we
just overstayed our welcome.

Yep.

It's definitely time to split.

Split?

But I haven't even gone
on a date with Todd yet.

SAM: Great.

All roads lead to nowhere.

[tires squeal]

[all three exclaim]

Ow, aggressive much?

You have broken curfew.

You should be home studying.

Trust me, we'd
love to go home.

Unfortunately, our
car broke down.

Oh.

You mean you're not from the op?

Hello, Beverley Hills.

Isn't it obvious?

In that case, we
have a visitors center

where you can spend the night.

I think you'll find the
accommodations to be perfect.

[all gasp]

[alex sighs]

The mayor wasn't kidding.

These digs are perfect.

Yeah, perfectly creepy.

Check this out.

NARRATOR [ON TV]: Perfect
lawns and perfect gardens.

Perfect communities
like this will be--

This infomercial
is on every channel.

NARRATOR [ON TV]:
Perfectly perfect.

And It's on the phone too,
which, FYI, makes calling

Todd totally impossible.

Hmm.

No mall, no TV, no telephone.

What kinda place is this?

I think we better call Jerry.

Hold on there, Sammy.

No need to go all
super spy on us.

Yeah, just 'cause
we're in freaksville

doesn't mean we should
spoil our one free weekend.

Exactly.

From now on, I say we only
channel good thoughts,

like how fab it will be
to see Todd tomorrow.

I guess you're right.

Just 'cause this place is
weird doesn't necessarily

mean it's WOOHP worthy.

Besides, I could
use some beauty Zs.

[clock tower ringing]

[soft snoring]

They could do
the OP untold harm.

In fact, they might have
already contaminated

our children's minds.

The outsiders will
be gone in the morning.

Then everything will be
perfectly normal again.

Hmm.

[man struggling]

[MUFFLED] Help.

Help me.

[gasps] Who yelled help?

ALEX AND CLOVER: Not me.

WOMAN: Come on, keep moving.

MAYOR: Get a move on.

Come on, come on, young man.

It looks like the guy
who was skipping town.

What are they doing with him?

I don't know.

But I think it's
safe to say the time

for channeling good
thoughts is officially over.

It's locked!

Also locked.

Are we guests here or prisoners?

Neither.

We're spies.

Hey, where'd they go?

I don't know,
but they definitely

dragged him along here.

Yeah, straight into that
perfectly nasty root cellar.

Let's go.

I don't wanna be
controlled anymore.

I wanna have my own thoughts.

Sorry, honey,
but your thoughts

are just too dangerous.

Red, your rebelliousness
and anti-social

behavior must be neutralized.

Let me get this straight.

They don't have a mall, but they
have an underground laboratory?

Where it looks
like they're using

Red as a human guinea pig.

[shaky breathing]

Hey, That's just like
the microchip we found.

Maybe it was implanted in
him, and he took it out somehow.

Well, it looks like
they're going to put it back

in so they can control him.

Then again, maybe they won't.

[all three shout]

OK, drop the microchip
implanting neutralizer

thingy and nobody gets hurt.

Ha, I could smell
you were trouble

the moment I set eyes on you.

Oh, I'm so quaking.

Don't you dare harm a
hair on my son's head.

Ah!

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Hey.

We are so never
gonna live down.

We don't allow
impudence in the OP.

Prepare to be neutralized.

Neutralize this.

Not so fast, missy.

[alex exclaims]

I feel so--

so--
- Angry?

Deceived?

Violated?

No.

Perfect.

Yeesh, change sides much?

[alex shouts]

Alex!

Wait.

If we get caught,
we can't free her.

You're right.

We need back up.

Hang tight, Alex.

Duh.

Like I have a choice.

So bottom line, your
dad's the mastermind

behind an evil plot to
turn teenagers everywhere

into mindless zombies.

I really hope this doesn't
affect our relationship.

I've always known
there was something

different about my dad.

So you'll help us?

Hmm.

Man, there are a lot of
tunnels underneath this town.

Yeah, I guess.

I don't ever come down here.

Turn right.

If you never come
down here, how do

you know we should turn right?

Todd?

[sam and clover exclaim]

He led us into a trap.

That's it.

I am so breaking up with you.

He has prevented you from
contaminating our world

with your wild behavior.

Contaminate?

How?

Some questions
don't have answers.

Alex.

Are you OK?

OK?

I'm perfect.

And soon, you will be, too.

[music playing]

Any ideas?

Yeah, I was wondering if
Todd maybe had a brother.

I meant about how we're
going to get out of here.

Oh, that.

Consider it done.

[alex struggles]

After this,
there'll be no more

trouble from them ever again.

[shouts]

OK, we escaped the freaky
implantation process.

What now?

We figure out
where the microchips

are getting their power from.

There's gotta be a transmitter
around here somewhere.

[clock tower rings]

SAM AND CLOVER: The clock tower.

We need to get there fast.

SAM AND CLOVER: Hmm?

The NPU 3000.

It's coming to help us.

CLOVER: More like run us over.

NPU 3000, stop.

Whoa.

Good thing it's not invisible.

Wait, that's it.

If we want the NPU to
help us, all we have to do

is tell them what we don't
want it to do and it'll listen.

Great idea, Sammy.

Confusing, but great.

[music playing]

Here!
We're over--

Alex.

Quiet.

Don't worry.

I've got it under control.

NPU 3000, don't go
after the adults.

[mayor gasps]

Does anyone else hear
a car headed right for--

[all exclaim]

So what's the plan?

We wire the bombs in sequence.

Each one sets to
the next one off.

Bombs are strictly
forbidden in the OP.

Maybe I have the honors?

Go for it.

NPU 3000, don't
head for the tower.

SAM: OK.

On the count of three.

One, two, now!

[rumbling]

[expl*si*n]

[adults gasp]

Our perfect community.

Didn't there used to
be like a giant clock

around here somewhere?

We'll 411 you later.

[music playing]

[chattering] It's

Girls, you've eradicated
malignants of every sort.

But uncovering a plot
by parents to turn

their teenagers into
mindless, unfeeling zombies,

that's a new one.

So you're locking up
of a bad moms and dads?

JERRY: No, that would
be a little harsh.

We're sentencing
them to 1,000 hours

of community service and
compulsory parenting classes.

They were kinda pathetic.

I mean, who would be
afraid of their own kids?

Who indeed?

By the way, I haven't seen
the NPU 3000 anywhere.

Collateral damage.

Where'd you get
that thing anyway?

From a WOOHP auction of goods
confiscated from perpetrators.

That would explain
why it was such a lemon.

Todd?

Whoa.

What happened to perfect guy?

I don't know, but suddenly,
I'm over perfection.

I want someone normal
with cute facial hair.

Hey, Clover, you
wanna hang out?

Sure.

Great.

My band's having
its first practice.

Hey, you wouldn't mind carrying
some speakers, would you?

Oh, nuts.

I just remembered I
have a mani booked.

Later.
Todd.

Over normal already?

Big time.

So what's up for the
rest of the weekend?

CLOVER: Let's go shopping.

[all three laugh]

The topic of today's seminar
is modern love literacy.

After all, what better
way to tell the person

you're crushing on how you
feel than an amorous email.

Let's start with the salutation.

Dear so-and-so.

Easy enough.

Now all you have to do is tell
that special someone exactly

how you feel about them.

Just dive right in.

Just let the words flow
straight from the heart.

OK, on second thought,
maybe feelings of love

are best expressed face to face
with the object of your crush.

See ya.