02x02 - 14 Candles

[bunniefuu]

[MUSIC - SAILOR MOON, "BRACEFACE THEME SONG"]

SAILOR MOON: (SINGING) Something tells me I've been dreaming

of someone who was never real.

It seems I've changed 1,000 ways.

I wish I looked the way I feel.

Braceface.

My life gets complicated Boyfriends.

Don't want to talk about it.

Teenage.

I'll work it out in the end.

Braceface.

My life gets complicated.

Boyfriends.

Don't want to talk about it.

Teenage.

I'll work it out in the end.

Braceface.

SHARON: (VOICEOVER) Every year, no matter how excited

I get about my birthday, Nina's always

beating me to it by six days.

NINA: Oh, for me?

Happy birthday Nina.

Now, what on Earth could she possibly wish for?

She might want to consider a new boyfriend.

OK, he may not be the cutest guy in the world,

but that was kind of sweet.

So what are you doing for your birthday this year?

I'm not sure yet.

I'll have to talk to my mom.

I can't believe I'm going to be 14.

It sounds way better than 13, don't you think?

Two more years and you can drive.

Four more years and you can probably

get your own apartment.

All totally cool as long as I don't have to pay any bills.

Hey, getting older can't be all good.

Hi Mom.

What are you doing?

I'm just trying to get my tulip bulbs

in before the first frost.

Can you water some of those herbs over there?

And look at those tomatoes.

They're still coming in.

Honey, I've got some exciting news.

Not only is your dad going to be in town for your birthday--

Yay.

--but aunt Katie and uncle Bernie are

going to be here too on their annual

trip to see the leaves change.

And David's free that night, and so are his twins.

And--

Mom!

I thought we could make an event out of it.

Birthday slash family reunion slash see the twins type thing?

Exactly.

So I made us a reservation for 12 at Mindy's.

Mindy's?

The place with the kiddie arcade and the fake boat at the back?

Well, I thought the twins could have fun there.

And you have to admit, they have a really great party room.

I can't believe this.

Have you hired a clown too?

I'm sure David's twins would love that.

Honey, you always loved Mindy's.

Yeah, when I was six.

OK, point taken.

But with a group this diverse, I was

trying to find a place that had a little something

for everyone.

Sweetheart, I'm doing everything I can to make

this a really special night.

Mom, no offense, but spending my birthday with David's

daughters or two relatives I couldn't care less about

isn't my idea of special.

It's your idea of special.

OK. OK.

You're completely right.

I wasn't thinking.

Why don't I try to get us a reservation somewhere else?

Where do you want to go?

Your choice of restaurant is only part of the problem.

What about uncle Bernie, auntie Katie, David and the twins.

Sharon, calm down.

We can work this out.

Forget it.

You can count me out.

I'm spending my birthday with my friends this year.

The ones who know me well enough to

know exactly what I'd like for a party.

SHARON: (VOICEOVER) OK, I know that wasn't

very adult-like of me, but I still

had two more days of being 13.

Well, it's official, I'm totally

free Saturday night to celebrate the big one-four with you guys.

Uh--

What you guys?

I can't Saturday.

I'm going apple picking with my family.

Come on, you can pick apples any day.

Not this year.

I'll get kicked out of my family if I don't show.

They're totally weird about this.

What about you?

I'm sorry.

I'm going to that volleyball tournament in Porterville.

It's our first out-of-town event,

and everyone's expected to be there

or we'll get kicked off the team.

Oh, so how about we celebrate next Saturday night?

Yeah, but since I'm not really doing

the family thing this year, I thought

I'd be doing the friend thing.

But what about Alden?

Aren't boyfriends supposed to make a big deal about stuff

like that?

I guess.

SHARON: (VOICEOVER) I knew 14 wasn't a pivotal birthday

like turning 16 or 18 or something,

but why weren't my best friends even making an effort?

Isn't it strange, brace face, how such different people can

actually share the same sign?

Freaky.

So what's your boyfriend getting you?

Mine got me a tiara in case you hadn't noticed.

How could I miss it.

You've been wearing it all week.

Oops, you're right.

It's so comfortable, I forgot I had it on.

I'm sure it'll be a big hit when you get your first break.

What are you auditioning for these days?

A kiddie ballet recital?

A little grumpy today, Sharon?

Not at all.

I'm just busy wondering what Alden's going to come up with.

He already got me a beautiful necklace for our anniversary.

That butterfly thing?

Ick!

I don't do well with bugs hanging around my neck.

Lucky for the bugs then.

Oh.

Meow.

sh**t!

My brush!

She's just totally jealous of me.

She knows she'll never celebrate her birthday like I do.

I mean, come on.

Who would ever throw brace face a surprise party?

Surprise party?

Hi, guys, aren't you going to algebra?

In a minute.

Say, if I were to have, I don't know,

perhaps some sort of party, you'd know I wouldn't want

Nina or Alyson there, right?

Ah-uh.

Just checking.

OK, and let's just say if I were to have a party,

it would be totally cool to have some older kids there like Dion

and some of Adam's friends.

Right.

This is all hypothetical.

Of course.

But we're on the same page, right?

Same page?

Of what?

I have no idea.

You got to help me, what should I

do for Sharon's birthday?

Is it that time of year?

Yeah, and the pressures on.

Girls-- they expect so much.

Tell me about it.

At lunch, Sharon kept touching her ear and I was like,

does this mean she wants earrings for her birthday?

Maybe she just had an itchy ear.

That's the thing.

You never know.

OK, there are two routes to go--

the gift route or the date route.

Why not both?

Dude, everyone knows you should never

overdo it for chicks birthday.

Once you start, she'll start having

bigger and bigger expectations for every present

giving occasion.

That's why guys go broke.

Oh, well, I already got her a necklace for our anniversary.

I was thinking about getting her,

I don't know, maybe a matching bracelet.

A jewelry set?

What is she?

Your grandmother?

Jewelry is so boring.

You need something that says, I like you.

I care about you.

Here's something practical, but not too mushy.

What about a mouse pad.

A mouse pad?

Yeah, for her computer.

Didn't you tell me she spilled tomato juice on her old one

and her kid brother thought it was blood

and called 911 when she was in the--

ALDEN: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But a mouse pad doesn't seem very special.

If you're looking for special, then you've

got to go the dinner route.

Maybe even throw in the movie as a bonus.

I can't afford all that and a gift.

Take you to your folks restaurant, grab a free pita,

and you're set.

First duty done, and you've got change left over for a movie.

You think she'd be into that?

Hey, man, she's your girlfriend, what do I know?

Shh!

Here she comes.

BROCK: She won't know what we're talking about.

Shh!

Hi.

Hey, Sharon.

We were just not talking about you.

SHARON: (VOICEOVER) OK, was it me

or is there some potential birthday plannings

going on that I probably shouldn't know about?

Dad!

Hi, sweetie.

How's my almost 14-year-old?

Almost 14.

And what would that be?

It's a birthday gift, you know,

since mom told me none of us would be seeing

you on your actual birthday.

Right.

RICHARD SPITZ: Do you like it?

It's a 1925 original for your collection.

I think her name is Miss Nancy from the prairies.

Yeah, it's great.

But I sort of stopped collecting dolls a long time ago.

Oh, I didn't know.

Doesn't matter.

Thanks though.

So got any big plans for your birthday?

I don't know, do I?

I guess I'll find out on Saturday night, won't I?

Hi, Dad.

What will you find out Saturday night?

I don't know, do you?

Is-- is there something I'm supposed to know?

Maybe, maybe not.

Only time will tell.

Bye Dad.

SHARON: (VOICEOVER) It was official and oh so obvious.

Everyone was planning a surprise party for me.

Conner apple picking?

Ah, I should have known right there.

Maria and Adam having some hush, hush

conversation by the dryer's?

So is there something going on this Saturday

night for Sharon's birthday?

Not that I know of, why?

SHARON: (VOICEOVER) I was sure Alden wanted to meet me to make

decoy plans for Saturday night.

One banana, two banana, three banana.

Thanks.

Thanks.

You're not throwing her a surprise party or anything?

No, I'm not even going to be here.

Does Sharon think--

I think she thinks that--

Well, what makes you think--

She was acting all--

MARIA AND ADAM: Weird today.

Yeah.

Oh, OK, now I get it.

I thought I would check in with you about it.

We got a big family thing that night, and Sharon's not going.

Conner and I can't do anything with her.

Well, I don't know.

I just wanted to make sure she wasn't alone on her birthday

because that would be a real bummer.

So Sharon, what are you doing Saturday night?

I thought you'd never ask.

Maria says Sharon's expecting a surprise party.

What do you do when your girlfriend thinks

she's getting a surprise party?

That's simple.

Get a new girlfriend.

Ugh.

Sweet.

Man, applying to college is probably easier than dealing

with Sharon's birthday.

Tell me about it.

She's starting to get a little high-maintenance.

It's times like these I'm glad I'm not attached.

Excuse me.

Certainly.

You sure can't do the flirt thing when

you're tied down to a chick.

So, guys, today's the big day.

Anyone going to give me a big birthday kiss?

SHARON: (VOICEOVER) During the day, nothing big happened.

Uncle Bernie and aunt Katie came into town

and immediately went on top alert for a golden leaf.

Oh, I hope you'll change your mind and come with us tonight.

Mom, I told you.

I'm doing stuff with my friends.

They're planning something really big.

This is the first year ever that we're not having dinner

with you on your birthday.

I guess it's called growing up.

SHARON: (VOICEOVER) Now, for the birthday party outfit dilemma.

Sampson, don't let me try on more than three outfits.

Play me?

Uncle Bernie.

He's outside staring at the maple tree.

But we're leaving in two minutes.

Last chance, are you sure you don't want to come, sweetie?

Couldn't be more positive.

Happy birthday, Sharon.

Hey-- what's in this stuff?

[sneezes]

MARIA: Focus on the camera.

Sorry we couldn't be with you today.

Is that OK?

What's this?

CONNER (ON TV): We hope 14's everything

you hoped it would be.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know what you're up to.

They think they're throwing me off.

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, Sharon.

What's that supposed to mean?

See you later.

It's OK.

We have about an hour until the movie starts.

Do you hate it?

No, it's hilarious.

So did you have fun tonight?

Yeah, great.

Is 14 everything you thought it would be?

I don't know.

I'm not officially 14 until 10:29 tonight.

Oh, well, happy almost birthday.

Thanks.

Bye.

Bye.

I'm getting my keys.

I'm unlocking the door.

Here I come.

Hello?

Guys?

You can come out now.

Oh, wait.

I almost forgot.

What?

A mouse pad?

With animals on it.

I know how much you like animals.

Didn't you spill stuff on your old one?

What?

Is it too much?

Sharon?

Hello?

Hey, Con, how's it going?

Not so good.

Remind me never to eat apple pie again or apple

sauce or apple fritters.

Ah, that orchard we went to they do everything apple.

Listen, did Sharon ever call you about the tape?

No.

She didn't call me either and she

would have seen it for sure.

What's with her anyway?

Hey, thanks for meeting me.

No probs.

Can you believe someone is doing a full cycle

on their soccer ball?

The world is weird.

So how'd it go?

Was she into the deluxe date?

That'd be a no.

With chicks like that, nothing is enough, huh?

You said it man.

I tried-- dinner, movie, mouse pad.

A for effort, really.

I just don't know about this anymore.

Who is it?

Sharon.

Don't get it.

After all you've told me, how much pain can one guy take?

You're so right man.

Hey Alden, I'm sorry I was acting so bizarro tonight.

I just thought-- well, call me back,

and I'll tell you what I thought.

Thanks again for tonight.

Maria?

It's me, Sharon.

I'm just sitting here, and I'm kind of lonely.

And just call me back when you can.

I hope your volleyball game is going great.

Whoopie, happy birthday to me.

[knock on door]

Come in.

Happy birthday.

I'm a few minutes late on the actual anniversary

of your birth, but you'll forgive me, right?

[knock on door]

Come in, Mom.

14 years ago, your father and I were at the U2 concert.

We only got to hear three songs when your mother's water broke.

We left during "Sunday Bloody Sunday."

And when you were born--

14 hours later.

What did I say, Helen?

You said, a girl, I always wanted a little girl.

You did?

You bet.

Happy birthday, sweetie.

We missed you.

I hope you had fun with your friends tonight.

I'm glad you're giving her a second chance.

SHARON: (VOICEOVER) What was with me?

So I didn't get the surprise party I hoped for--

big deal.

I had great friends, an amazing boyfriend, and a family that

was, well, pretty special, even if it

seemed to be getting bigger and more complicated every year.

Instead of worrying so much about what they were all

giving me, maybe it was time to think

about what I could give them.

Now, how's that for mature?

SHARON: Surprise!

I made it all myself.

This looks fantastic.

Oh, mhm.

There's no pepper in here, right?

No, just apples.

Mhm!

Watch out, you might put my parents out of business.

I'm really glad you came.

I'm really glad you invited me.

Sorry I was--

For the 10th time, it's OK.

By the way, your present was great.

I really needed a new mouse pad.

SHARON: (VOICEOVER) I think I was finally figuring out what

getting older was all about.

Hey, uncle Bernie, look!

The perfect golden leaf.

OK, maybe it's not perfect, but pretty close.

[MUSIC - SAILOR MOON, "BRACEFACE THEME SONG"]