02x08 - A Little Something for Isadir

[bunniefuu]

Honestly, working has become easier now.

Working from home these days,

you don't have to deal with traffic jams.

Seriously, please.

Get that phone you're charging
off your lap.

You know it'll explode
your amusement park.

What the hell?

You were just talking about her.
She's still here annoying us.

SMOTHER-IN-LAW

Put some lotion on this dry skin,
for the love of God.

-It's not dry.
-Fátima.

Pay attention to this rice
with raisins recipe for Christmas.

GIFTS FOR ISADIR

No one likes rice with raisins.

Rice is expensive.
We don't want them to eat it.

Pay attention, honey. Untangle this.

Let's untangle the Christmas lights, okay?

Have you not seen Stranger Things?

If they're tangled,
you can't talk to the Christmas spirit.

I can't work today. I'm on leave.

I came here to relax.

Aloísio is with the kid.
I'm here to chill.

You can't pay me to work.

You know what?

A pair. Got it.

You know what you should pay? Taxes.

Laziness taxes.

-Grandma.
-What?

The people are loving your tips.

Give a shoutout to GabiRJ.

Here's what he said,

"I love having a ritual before sex."

"But when it's time, my girlfriend
is glued to TikTok." What do I do?"

Forget the Tik, focus on the Tok.

Ms. Isadir!

Here's another one. Look.

"What do I do if my girlfriend
won't spend Christmas with me?"

Careful, she might
be giving her gifts to someone else.

That was good.

Wait.

Is that why Kelly wanted to spend
Christmas in Cachambi with her cousins?

-I have to make a call.
-So young and so dumb.

-Carlos!
-Yes, baby?

I've told you 200 times
not to put your towel on the bed.

-Just dry off with a bedsheet.
-Okay. I'm sorry.

Where's the coffee?

-There's no coffee?
-I don't know.

It's right there. Drink it.

It's too hot.

Ms. Isadir made it. I'm off.

Next time I'll make "coffreezie."
A coffee freezie.

So you can suck a popsicle.

Mom, come on. Don't push her.

And, baby, you're too stressed.

You need to talk to your therapist.

My stress has a first and last name.

Isadir!

And the last name is Fátima-go-to-hell.

Being a working mother of three
isn't easy!

I know all about it.

When Carlos was young,
I cared for him, the house,

and the loans.

You worked in a bank?

No, I asked people for loans.

Oh, God.

Mother of the year, right?

I have to get ready for therapy.
I have plenty to talk about.

-Go.
-Carlos!

-I'm coming!
-Carlos.

-Go.
-What, baby?

-Good morning, family!
-Good morning.

How nice to see everyone up, Fátima.

-Move.
-Get up.

This isn't your house or your seat.

Where's my goat's milk?

Get her the milk. What?

You didn't get used
to your mother's cow's milk?

I took after you.

You're smart?

No. I'm gassy.

I'm lactose intolerant,
so I can't have cow's milk.

You should cut out cow's milk too.

Gassy people don't get laid.

That's true, honey.

Wow. Your grandfather and I
back in the day…

My God, that bedroom… The two of us
were like New Years in Copacabana.

We'd start with fireworks,
then the ball would drop.

He'd drop the ball and fall asleep.

Grandma!

-Yes?
-The people want more videos of you.

-Okay.
-Nanda22 posted this.

"My boyfriend doesn't
pursue me. What do I do?"

Get lost. Come on, I don't know.

Also, change your name.

Nanda22 is lame.
Make it Nanda69, it's more…

Grandma, you'd be a great influencer.

Hey, everyone!

If you're sending Isadir gifts, send her
goat's milk. She's lactose intolerant.

And send deodorant,

because Fátima's armpits
are intolerant of smelling good.

-We love milk.
-It's true.

Send gifts! We'll take anything.

Send whatever you want.

Grandma!

Your videos went viral!
Everyone's watching them!

-I'll make you an account.
-I already have a bank account.

-Should I make you a channel?
-My TV has too many channels already.

Isn't that right?

I meant a YouTube channel.

I have the perfect name.

Isatips. Look.

I prefer Angel Face.

I don't know, Jonas. I'm not used to this.

Grandma is shy.

Ms. Isadir.

The internet is like a gym, except you
don't pay to see people get embarrassed.

On the internet, they do it for free.

I don't care what other people do.

-That's not quite true.
-I don't.

I don't care what…

Oh my God, my grandson…
Where are you going?

For how long?

Are you taking Noah's coat?

Why do you care what we do?

Jonas, I do care what others do, okay?

I don't want…
This influencer thing isn't for me.

The one with
the bad influence is you, Jonas.

I found this underwear
behind my mini fridge.

You've picked up bad habits
since you started dating that b*tch Kelly.

That's discrimination!

No justice, no peace!

Okay?

For your information,

I don't dry my underwear
behind the fridge.

Poor people do that.

I dry it on the air fryer, okay?

For your information,
Alice's therapist recommended a spa.

-Right, baby?
-Yes.

What's the name of the spa?

Good Vibes.

They have ambient music,
relaxation, a whirlpool bath. Everything.

How interesting.
Motel Peripécias also has relaxing music.

Come on, Mom.

-And it's cheaper.
-Carlos, our Uber is here.

Let's go before Ms. Isadir
asks for the plate number.

There's no use asking you to be good.

-No.
-So be safe.

-Okay.
-Jonas, give your mom a kiss.

-Give Mom a kiss.
-Look.

Call if you need me.

Don't call for nothing.
Only if it's important.

I'll call at ten to see
if he ate and burped,

and at noon to see if you sent money.

-Don't.
-Be safe.

Careful at the roundabout.

You know that area is dangerous.

That motel's not safe.

-Someone forgot this!
-Marinez.

-Watch your tone. It's my day off.
-Come on, Marinez.

Bye, sweet pea!

It's for you, Ms. Isadir.

From Nanda69. Can I open it?

No! What if it's a b*mb?

A b*mb, Fátima?

The only b*mb we get
has "electricity bill" written on it.

I'm also not afraid of bombs,

because Navalha taught me
how to disarm them in prison.

-Excuse me. Let me see--
-Hey! Don't open it yet.

Let's do an unboxing.

Unbox… Don't remind me. I broke one.

Remember when I broke
that shower box during sex?

-Grandma.
-So much glass.

Jesus, I'm talking about unboxing.

It's where you
open the package and I film you.

-So people can watch. For content.
-Okay, sorry.

-Go on.
-Look. A present.

-Here, another one.
-People bought you these.

Grandma, please.

I heard about a girl who bought
her own house with two TikTok dances.

You're wasting time.

Good lord.

When I bought my house,
I did the debt dance.

-Look.
-Wow, Isadir!

Your job only ever gave you
emaciated chickens for Christmas.

Now there will be turkey.

Wow! And this turkey
tells you when it's ready.

-Oh my God.
-What a big turkey.

I changed my mind.
I'm ready to become an influencer.

Yeah! You'll be the first granny
to have a vlog.

Guys, are you talking about turkey?

-Girl, come on.
-Christmas turkey.

Lend a hand for once. Here.

Help me teach Grandma what a trend is.

You don't need to.

I know what it is.

I ride the train all over the place.

My favorite is the gravy train.
I love that one.

Here.

Márcia, future doctor

I'm 22, Sagittarius

-Got it?
-See?

Okay, that's easy.

-Do it with me.
-Okay.

Isadir, 68 years old

Pre-diabetic, osteoporosis

A little merengue.

Okay, Grandma.

That's the spirit.

But now that you're
on the internet, remember this.

Three keys to success.

Recipes, nostalgia, and daily life.

We should go to Fátima's then.
She makes a mean prescription c*ck.

It's nostalgic.
The house is old and so is she.

And she's part of my daily life.

Kiss me.

Stop, Fátima! Don't be silly.

You're so square. Old and square.

Let's go.

Hi, Isaloves! How are you?

Today, I'm going to show you
what I drink to keep my skin healthy.

I always drink milk.

That's beer.

It's barley milk.

-You want some, Fátima?
-No. I promised not to.

-Hey, ladies!
-Hi!

Beautiful!

Hey, guys!

Guys, this is my godson Cezinha's husband.

Flavinho.

If you're watching, I miss you.

He's working with a farm boy
out in the fields.

Listen.

Let me check what questions people have.

Lola has a question.

"What do you do to get such healthy skin?"

Let me answer!

Hi, Lola! I love Lolas!

I'm sending kisses.

I usually exfoliate with a beard,

which is why my butt and face are smooth.

Bye-bye, Lola!

If you ever need a handy man,

he'll drop his screen name.

Absolutely!

My screen name is @fagboy.

Just kidding.

It's actually @fabulousbitch.

Exactly.

Yes. He's so wise,
even though he finished his GED late.

Don't out me!

He's sensitive.

-Let me film Fátima.
-No!

What a woman! My friend, my sister.

She's basically my selfie stick.

-Don't, Isadir!
-She's always propping up my image.

I don't like to be on camera!

-You don't?
-No.

I have a workaround.

Give me two seconds.

We're here with Paulassum,

the internet possum.

What are these, Paulassum?

Free products.

Why is there anti-aging cream here?

Are you calling me old?

Can we hurry this up?

I'm melting in this stinky costume.

It's not stinky. It's history.

This costume is from when Carlos
was the ball boy and mascot

for the Cachambi soccer team.

That was in 1997
and I haven't washed it since.

Wow, Isadir.

My…

It's just like you,
slower than snail mail.

Is that a goat?

Oh my God.

Oh, lord. We've got a possum and a goat.

We just need a hyena
to stage The Lion King.

You're just the cutest thing ever.
What's your name?

I'm calling her Cleide.

She reminds me of that friend of ours.

Hairy and horny.

There's a note.

"This is my Christmas present
to you, Ms. Isadir."

"Your sweet demeanor
reminds me of my late mother."

Sweet demeanor?

Yeah, Isadir is sweet.

Sweet like hard candy.

She's sweet, but if you're
not careful, she'll break your teeth.

Well then, don't bite it, suck it.

I didn't finish reading.

"Since you're lactose intolerant,

now you can have goat's milk
whenever you want."

"Signed, the Farm Boy from Goiás."

Oh my God.

A pig for a husband.

Look at that. My husband was a pig.

They gave me a goat.

Quadrupeds love me.

Just wait until Alice gets home.
It's going to stink.

It's hard to say
who smells worse. You or the goat.

Please, Fátima. What am
I supposed to do with this goat?

I need to hide the goat and keep the man.
For Christ's sake.

It's gonna poop on my shoe.

Grandma!

I'm old but I'm not deaf. What is it?

You need to hide the goat
or we're in for some bullshit.

Is it a goat or a bull?

It's a donkey.

Come on, Fátima.

I need to decide where to shove this goat.

That's my worry.

I've got it.

We'll do a live nativity scene.

-Done.
-Great idea, Grandma.

I love it. We'll be creating content.

Netflix might even want to buy the rights.

-What can I play?
-The chicken head.

I'm nervous. I just blurted that out.

I would never say that.

You'll be the star of Bethlehem.

I love it. I can see myself shining.

Guiding three buff,
powerful men through the desert.

Be careful not
to take them down the wrong path.

I don't know about this, Ms. Isadir.

I think Ms. Alice will eat us alive.

She doesn't eat anything.

She's so skinny
she could play Joseph's cane.

Seriously, no.

My God, what now?

Guys, relax.

At the Cachambi Fashion Mall I saw…

Wow! I saw a nativity scene that really…

There was a man wearing shorts,
because the AC was broken.

He was wearing flip-flops
and had a beer in his hand.

If they can do it, so can we.

What the hell? What is going on here?

Oh my God.

What a mess.
I thought we were in the wrong house.

-These are my clothes. Carlos.
-These?

That whole massage
has gone out the window.

-I'm all tensed up!
-Relax.

-What?
-The star brings good news…

Marinez.

Marinez, what are you wearing?

-What am I wearing?
-What is happening?

What's happening? I'm also asking that.

-What is happening?
-Tell us.

These clothes… I'll tell you.
These are bedsheets.

I was gonna wash them,
but they're so light.

Lower your voice.
We just got him to sleep.

Give him to me.

Come on, baby.

Be careful!

Be careful, baby. He'll wake up.

-Carlos!
-What is it, baby?

Marinez is on leave.

Sweep this room.

-Me? That's her job!
-There are beans everywhere.

Your mom must have been playing bingo.

Jesus Christ.

Mary, go get in the nativity…

Oh, Hail Mary.

Hail Mary is my cue. Excuse me.

-Oh my God.
-Mom!

Mom. Come…!

-Let's see what your mom got into.
-Calm down, you…

How beautiful!

-Oh, wow.
-It's a nativity scene!

It is! It's like
the Cachambi Shopping Mall.

-It's a lot different.
-Is it?

They don't have a weird possum smell.

-Or a real goat.
-What?

-Did she say real?
-A plushie.

Is it real? It looks imported.

Imported from Disney.

-Get Noah so I can take a picture.
-Okay.

We look good enough for TV.

You're taking Jesus?

No.

She could play Jezebel.

Careful not to make him cry, okay?

What do we do? He took Jesus.
Pretend he's still here.

-Carlos!
-What is it?

-Where's my phone?
-I don't know.

How cute! They're walking the goat.

I stepped on some beans.

Those aren't beans!

-It's goat poop.
-It's not a goat.

It's Cleide.

Carlos.

Take Noah to the bathroom
and cover his ears.

-The bathroom?
-Yes, the bathroom.

-Oh my God.
-When she sends him off…

Here she comes.

Down the catwalk.

I want that goat out of here!

-Can I come out?
-No!

Calm down, Mom.
Marinez is taking Cleide home.

Last month she lost her poodle, Alcatra.

Let's just let sleeping goats lie.

-I got attached.
-Did you?

I saw the goat scream
and bite my finger, and I fell in love.

Now I have a baby and a fur baby.

I want that goat out of here

before it eats my curtains.

You're feeling rejected, right?

I know exactly how that feels.

Luckily, if they tell you
to "goat" away, you'll know what to do.

Look, I'm taking my son to his room.
When I get back, that goat better be gone.

It's Cleide!

Mary coming through.

I'm getting the door.

Excuse me.

I don't know
how this baby hasn't woken up.

-It's like a miracle.
-I know.

Come on.

Listen, if you came
for the nativity scene, it's already over.

-We're at the apocalypse.
-How sad!

Jeez, Marinez.

Hi, Alice!

Look who I ran into.
Cezinha's new boss, the Farm Boy.

He said he wanted to talk to Ms. Isadir.

I said, "You're so hot!"

So I let him come up here with me.

I brought Ms. Isadir a present.

Oh my God.

Grandma won't be able
to handle a present of that magnitude.

I'll have to take her blood pressure.

Why, because of the chicken?

No, because of your big c…
I mean, big chicken.

The chicken.

I know what this is.

Another Isalove with my address.

It's Jonas' fault. He said no one
would have access to my address.

Isadir, did you know
that Cleide is a vegan?

-No way.
-Relax, Alice.

It will give it back
as compost in a minute.

Don't worry.

It must be hungry.
Let's go to the kitchen.

Come on, Marinez.

Get this goat and chicken
and get out of my sight.

Not yet! Let's do a collab first.

-What?
-I prefer ball grab.

A collab video with him and Grandma.

Farm Boy is famous.
I'm trying to run a business.

-Farms are popular.
-People love them.

You know what? Let me take my son to bed.

-Yes.
-I don't want him around these people.

-I'll go with Carlos.
-Nope!

-Are you happy, Ms. Isadir?
-No.

I still haven't gotten my present.

I don't want to make trouble,
but I can't believe I'm meeting you.

You're even older in person,
and you smell like mothballs.

You're so much
like my late mom. Bless her.

-Go to hell.
-But it's Christmas.

-Give me a hug!
-Wait! That chicken almost nipped my nip!

You grab… I have osteoporosis
in my ribs! You'll k*ll me.

I'll see Jesus before Christmas!

Take these animals
before Animal Protection comes after me.

-Guys!
-What?

Cleide is eating all our food.

-Oh, God!
-Oh my God.

Let's make it noisy so she hears us!

Let's do it right so we don't do it again!

-No!
-I don't believe it!

My organic arugula!

Not even goats like agrochemicals anymore.

-Ms. Isadir?
-Yes?

Bring your grandkids
to my farm whenever you want to.

-Kids and animals should be wild.
-Hey!

I'm wild too.

You can take me
to your farm whenever you want to.

Márcia.

Márcia.

Show this boy the door, please.

Don't worry. I'll take him.

I'll take you down my country road.

The cowgirl is gone.

I'll tell you.
This influencer thing is tiring.

-I'm done.
-Hey! Wait a minute!

Before you think about quitting,

I'd like you to know
that the nativity video is going viral.

Malls are even offering us money
to do it live.

They said we're only missing a cow.

Alice?

Stay calm.

That's the role for you.

I'm leaving.

-Are you calling me old?
-Wrong.

-Free products.
-Oh, sorry.

The possum is even
in a bad mood when it says "wrong."

When Carlos was young, I took care of him,

the house,

and I had to…

-Take care of the house!
-f*ck!

We'll use the boy, but the goat…

What the hell?

What the hell?

-God, I want to go… on your belly.
-I'm so sorry.

Amazing.

What a hunk.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Thank you!