08x08 - Nomortland

[bunniefuu]

And then after that,
I have a bunch of meetings.

Didn't you guys
wrap all that up?

You can just say
you don't wanna hang out.

I don't wanna hang out.

What the hell,
who took my kombucha?

I threw that out,
it smelled bad.

Of course it smelled bad,
it's kombucha.

You 'booch,
you lose.

Rick, c-can you portal me
to school?

- No.
- Gimme that.

Hey! Summer!
Summer, give it back!

Honey, did you move
the car keys?

Ahp, nevermind,
they were at the bottom.

Jerry:
Well, that is the last time

I eat full-fat ice cream
after midnight--

Um...

Okay?

Hey!

What are you--

Hey!

♪

Alright, alright,
I yield!

Geez, you're fast.

Are you...
a-a clone of me?

Did Rick--
Don't-- Don't tell Rick.

You want me not talkin'?
Then you better start talkin'.

Not here.
C'mon, you can buy me lunch.

I'm not buying you lunch!

What if we call it
"Breakfast 2"?

No!

♪

And you're sure Rick
won't spy on us here?

Yeah,
he hates the mall.

It's kinda why
I come here so much.

Or maybe me being here
is why he hates it.

I've actually been
thinking about getting a job

at American Eagle.

Oooh, the Eagle Man.

You gonna eat that?

Not really.
Thanks.

Mm.
The road provides.

O-Okay, "the road"?
Who are you?!

Are-- Are you here
from the future?

A-Are you here to k*ll me?

You think I came from the future
to replace a guy

who loves the mall?

I'm a... traveler.
From another dimension.

Oho,
you stole a portal g*n?

What? No, man,
that brings the heat.

I more... slip through cracks
in the multiverse.

Your family's cool,
by the way.

My Morty and Summer
fight way more than yours.

Well, you don't seem
like a serial k*ller.

And I bet I'd know.

But you can't stay here.
No sweat, Eagle Man.

Just get me back
to your upstairs closet.

'Kay, well,
that is a weird location.

If you do try to k*ll me
and take over my life,

I can scream very loud.

And you never
get caught doing this?

Jerrys are basically invisible.
It's our superpower.

Nobody sees us--
Jerry! Get in here!

sh*t! He saw you!
Oh, God!

What's all this sh*t
in the freezer?!

Go!
What?

Don't make him any
more suspicious, talk to him!

Uh, uh--
I'll meet you upstairs!

Hey, Rick!

Your frozen dumplings are
still in there, Jerry.

There's limited space
in there, Jerry.

W-We all live here
together.

Hey! Hey!
[ Snaps fingers ]

Look at me
when I'm talking to you.

You catch that episode of
"Naked And Alone" last night?

Hey, between you and me?

I think that guy likes
to drink the yak piss.

Are-- Are you making
conversation with me?

Sorry! Sorry.

I guess I do
watch that TV show.

And he does seem excited
about the piss.

He does!

Okay. Good.

Don't waste
my freezer space.

And don't f*cking
blindside me with small talk!

Phew!
I think I'm in the clear.

As long as
I eat those dumplings.

Are you...
smelling my shirts?

What?
No.

In a few dimensions,

Rick gives Beth

a spatially-dilated
walk-in closet.

Heh.
Beth is always asking for that.

Yeah, you guys are in the same
dimensional neighborhood.

And you can't bend reality
as often as Rick

without the occasional--

Bingo.

And-- And--
And what does that lead to?

Buddy, a guy like us
can hike the whole multiverse--

without even
leavin' the house.

You wanna see?

Do I want to stick my hand
through a wall?

Uh, not really.
It's just one stop over.

C'mon. Quit thinkin' like
a Jerry and live a little.

Rick: Jerry! I'm still angry
at you for talking to me!

Gah!

You... You promise
you'll get me home?

I promise.

♪

Holy sh*t,
this is insane.

Pretty mind-blowing, huh?

We try to mark safe trails
for each other.

Upside-down coaster
means it's cool.

Bla bla bla blah!!
Blah, blahblah!

Blah blahblah!

In this reality,
all words are "blah."

I-I kinda get
what they're saying.

Blah bla BLAH!
Bla blablah Bla!

C'mon. Upstairs bathroom.
One at a time.

Uhh...

[ Rick and Morty
shouting "Blah" ]

Ohhhhh, this is insane,
this is insane.

[ Heartbeat ]

Blah blahblah bla
blah blahblah BLA!!

...Blah?

Blah!
Blah bla blah bla blah!

Oh, holy sh*t,
she saw me!

I know!
You did great!

That was crazy!

Okay, where--
where to next?

Yes!
f*ck yeah, Eagle Man!

Here, get in.

Infinite mirror tunnel.

Man,
so weird and specific,

how do you
find these things?

That's the thing
about being a Jerry.

You got all day to look.

Get close, I almost lost
a finger doing this.

Ah!

It's so cold.

Oh, Jesus.

Here. This way.

Whoa.
Mm-hmm.

Without the trail,
this family would just be gone.

But the road remembers.

There's... so many of us.

Here.

♪

You're one of us now,
Eagle Man.

Well, technically it was a piece
of your shirt I stuck up there.

You still don't get it, buddy.
We're the same.

Okay, but how much of the road
is depressing like this place?

Not that much,
not that much.

[ Rusted Root's
"Send Me On My Way" plays ]

♪ On my way, on my way ♪

♪ I would like to
reach out my hand ♪

♪ Oombayseeyou,
oombaytellyou to run ♪

♪ On my way, on my way ♪

♪ Omabadee, seemoobadeeyah ♪

♪ Well, pick me up
with golden hand ♪

♪ And oombayseeyou,
oombaytellyou to run ♪

♪ On my way, on my way ♪

♪ Omabadee, seemoobadeeyah ♪

♪ Well ♪

♪ Hii would like to hoole
my little ha ♪

♪ A-wee will ruh, a-we will,
a-wee will craa, a-whe whill ♪

Jeeeeerrrrryyyyy!

Ay, man, you see where
I put the margarita machine?

T-The good one,
the-- the science one.

You left it
in the shower.

Boy. I-I might be livin'
a little too anchors-up, Jerry.

You--
You want a margarita?

All good.

He has to know
that's not you.

Well, if he does,
he doesn't care.

Alright,
we gotta get moving,

there's a k*ller view
two stops over.

You guys want
a ceviche to go?

Wow.

And Rick turned the moon
into a disco ball for...

Morty's Winter Formal?
Beautiful, right?

Honestly, Eagle Man, I didn't
think you'd come out this far.

Way to prove me wrong.
I mean...

I'm not actually from
the dimension you found me in.

My whole family
jumped together.

And when the space version
of my wife showed up,

I thought she'd hate me...

and she did.

But then I turned into a bug
and we all had sex.

Eagle Man! God damn.

I-I-I guess it is all pretty
cool when I say it out loud.

Thanks for opening my eyes
to that.

I'm just you, brother.

Welp, outta suds.

And I did promise
to get you home.

Thanks for ridin' with me.

It's the most fun
I've had in a while.

Wait, one second--
Ooh!
Whoa!

Uhp, hold on, heh,
I'm a little drunk.

If this dimension's Jerry
was like me,

he'd keep a 12-pack
in the bathroom

for the occasional
shower beer.

Eagle Man!

These, uh--
Yeah.

These are warm.

sh*t, sh*t, sh*t,
we're cutting it close.

Ugh, slow down.
So much liquid in my stomach.

I'm not being contrarian,

I-I just think it'd be gross
to do that to a cat.

Squeamish Morty.

I'm not squeamish--

No, no, no, sh*t!

We missed the connection?

What does that mean,
what does that mean?!

It's all good, Jerry.
We're fine.

Look. Those guys portal into
this Taco-la-Taco every week.

There's a Gene
we can stay with

while we wait--
he's hip to the scene,

even has a few cots
in his basement--
A week from now?!

I can't stay with some Gene
for a week,

Rick will just replace me.

No, he won't.

They won't even notice
you've been gone.

That's not a good thing!
Gah.

There is one way,
but--

Get me home!

Okay, but why's it out
in the woods?

You wanna get home fast, right?

Only way to do
that's through Grand Central.

Couple parallel Mortys tried
to pull a keg

outta their Bag of Holding,
turned it inside out.

Now it's kind of a...
toll road.

Oh!

Hey there. I'm Eagle Man.

Got two coming out
at Burlap.

Walkie Talkie: Copy that.

So... were you camping,
or--

Get in.

Welcome to Grand Central.

It's, uh,
not my favorite place.

Who are these
bandana guys?

Sometimes your family goes on an
adventure and doesn't come back.

The dude that
runs this place,

he collects Jerrys
that get left behind.

Come on.
Boss is ready to see you.

Uh...?
Play it cool.

Hey, Boss!
Mooch!

"Mooch"?
It's my road name.

Who's this?

Meet Eagle Man.
He's cool.

I rescued him
from working at the mall.

We're just looking
to get on the Tundra Line.

Fares are up,
I'm afraid.

A Rick patched
that one fridge nexus.

We've got surge pricing.

Right, no problem.

Whoa.
I thought you didn't have a job.

He doesn't.
Get this--

We all use
the same ATM pin.



That's my ATM pin!

Mm-hmm.
The road provides.

Wait, you steal
from other Jerrys?

Maybe.

Or maybe poor, silly Jerry was
just careless with his money.

Who would believe him
anyway?

Hey! That hurts!

You pick this guy up
in the sensitive dimension?

Search them both.
Hey, f*ck you, pal.

Jerry, just relax!
Well, this guy sucks!

Seriously, Mooch.
Where did you pick him up?

You mapping new routes
and keepin' 'em to yourself?

Take it all.
We just wanna pass through.

You don't wanna
mess with me, pal.

My Rick
could kick your a*s.

You little suburbs p*ssy.

You shouldn't need Rick--
Rick should need you.

You just need to find
his pressure points.

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Take these two back
to this guy's station

and blacklist them both.

Alright, alright! Geez!

Hey! Get off of me!

Hey!

♪

No, no, no!
They cut us off!

I can still get home, right?

f*ck!

Goddamnit!
I told you to play it cool!

This was all I had, man!
The road was my life!

What about my life?

I didn't ask for any of this,
you just showed up at my house!

Okay, okay, here's my pitch--
uh, we get jobs as dock workers,

tell them we're twins
or something,

uh, save up for three months
and move to Spain.

We'll open a dance studio--
start small,

but eventually--
I'm not doing any of that!

Where even are we?!

Morty's high school?

Yeah. This used to be
my dimension.

The shed was my way out.
Oh, screw this.

Hey! Where are you going?
To our house!

There's gotta be an exit
somewhere!

Bad idea.
T-T-There is no house.
You expect me to trust you?!

What was I thinking?!

That I'd become some sort of
hillbilly road-sage?

A cool prospector?

My family loves me
and I threw it away-- for this?

Stupid, Jerry. Stupid!
No, wait!

I-I left my dimension
because I felt unappreciated

and by the time I found my way
back, Beth had remarried!

Oh, my God.
Yeah.

This whole time you've
been preaching about freedom

and gettin' out there.

But you're not brave.
You have to live like this.

You're the least cool version
of me I've ever met.

You're right, you're right,
I'm a loser.

Let's just do anything other
than face my family, please?

Hello?
Oh, my God, Jerry!

And there's two of you!

Hi, there,
Paul Fleischman, CPA.

Hi. I'm Jerry.
It's a pleasure.

Beth!
Jerry's back!

And another one!

Come on in.
Can I get you guys some coffee?

I'm a tea guy myself.
Earl Grey, little milk.

- Morty: Dad?
- Summer: Oh, my God!
- Beth: Jerry?

Hi... family.

Rick:
What the f*ck is going on?

You walked out on us to dumpster
dive across the multiverse?

You resented me!

T-The kids didn't respect me,
Rick hates me,

how long did it take before
you even noticed I was gone?

Oh, we noticed, as*h*le!
Don't put that on us.

Yeah, maybe do something
worthy of our respect.

Like not disappearing.
Good point, Morty.

Oh, now Rick has thoughts
on abandonment?

I just said "good point."
I'm glad you left.

Coming here
was a bad idea.

Hey.
Stop disappearing for once!

Mooch loves you guys.

You're all he talks about
out there.

Morty, you love to eat bugs...
Sure do!

...and Summer,
you hate showering.

Not as much anymore, I've
actually been working on it.

Aw, honey!

It's true.
I miss you guys so much.

I mean, after wandering around
a bit, I did come back.

But Beth had met Paul

and you all seemed so happy.

We are happy.

But that doesn't mean
we hate you.

I mean,
we hate you a little bit.

Yeah,
P-Paul's pretty cool.

I-I don't wanna say we
"won the breakup" but--

Guys, don't pile on!
Jerry's trying to apologize!

No, I deserve it.

I thought you took me
for granted...

but it was
the other way around.

[ Sighs ] Rick.

Ugh. Here we go.

I promised Jerry
I'd get him home.

Is there any way--
Address?

Oh. Uh. Hmm.

Is it a number?
Or like a lot of letters?
Uh-oh.

We say "Parmesan" weird,
like "Parmee-sian."

D-Does your portal g*n
use keywords?

We could...
go door-to-door?

We cannot go door-to-door.

Hey, maybe we--
we just get back on the road?

Uh, there's a shed by the high
school, we'll-- we'll show you.

If these guys try to k*ll me in
the shed, I will not hold back.

Fair's fair.
I'll be mean about it.

Mean deaths.

Can you blame me for leaving?
No, I get it.

It was really great
to see you guys.

Thanks for taking care of them,
Paul.

It's your family, Jerry.
I'm just living in it.

Bye, Jer.
See you around.

Let's go.

The only way back
to your reality

is through Grand Central.

Those Bandana Jerrys
will be on the lookout for us.

I know.
But I've got an idea.

Leave my reality.

Oh, hey, guys.

Oh! Uh, hi. Jerry.

Loving the, uh,
five o'clock shadow.

And I love your... bandana.

♪

They're onto us!
Run!

Stop them!
It's Mooch and that other guy!

Aah! My beans!

Where am I going?!

Couch! Rick's
"lost remote control" nexus!

Dive, dive, dive!

Boss!
We got a problem!

What the hell?

You f*cked up now,
Mooch.

You should've just stayed
off the road.

Damn it!
He knows all the exits.

This is a dream. This is some
kind of weird hallucination.

I-I ate
too many mushrooms.

Excuse me?
Back to the couch!

[ Rusted Root's
"Send Me On My Way" plays ]

♪ On my way, on my way ♪

♪ I would like to
reach out my hand ♪

♪ Oombayseeyou,
oombaytellyou to run ♪

♪ On my way, on my way ♪

♪ Omabadee, seemoobadeeyah ♪

♪ Well, pick me up
with golden hand ♪

♪ And oombayseeyou,
oombaytellyou to run ♪

♪ On my way, on my way ♪

♪ Omabadee, seemoobadeeyah ♪

♪ Well, I would like to
hold my little hand ♪

♪ And we will run, we will,
we will crawl, we will ♪

♪ I would like to
hold my little hand ♪

♪ And we will run, we will,
we will crawl ♪

Hey!
Not cool, man!

I'll never stop chasing you,
Mooch!

The road is mine!

sh*t!
This guy is persistent!

He'd probably really thrive
at American Eagle.

I-I got an idea.

It's risky,
but do you trust me?

Hey, I'm you, brother.

Hyah!
[ Mouse roars ]

I'm so glad making the mouse big
didn't k*ll it!

It eventually might.

It's-- It's-- It's like big
dogs, or Andre The Giant--

St-Stop,
the mouse is gonna be okay!

Hyah!

Those doubling-back
sons of b*tches!

Oh, oh, B-Boss,
you just missed it.

Those guys came by
on a giant mouse.

You're f*cking useless,
you know that?

Ow! T-That-- That cool jacket
changed you, Jerry!

You're a mean guy now!

A-And you pull me out
of my chairs too much!

Hey!
Get the golf cart.

Hey! Aah!

Ah! Aah!

[ Horn honks ]

There they are!

Quick, come on!

I'm gonna k*ll you,
Mooch!

And then I'm gonna
f*ck your wife!

Good luck!
She's married!

It's Jerrys like you
that make me sick!

Why can't you
just stay home?!

I'm trying!

You guys suck!
You're weak!

Not like me, I'm cool!
I'm nothing like you!

He's got a g*n?!

No! No!

Happy trails, b*tch.

Think those other Jerrys
will be okay?

Will we? I think I maybe
just k*lled a guy.

You can't think about it.

It's the one thing I've learned,
you can't think about it.

Well. This is me.

Nice place you got here.

Thanks. So,
what are you gonna do now?

You could hang out here
for a bit.

I-I can always have
Beth buy more cereal.

Mm. I've eaten on
someone else's tab long enough.

Besides, maybe Boss Jerry's
gone now

and the road can open back up.

Hell of a trip,
Eagle Man.

See you around,
Mooch.

[ Portal warbles ]

What the hell? Guys!

I found him!
He was in the bedroom!

I-I thought
I checked in here.

You guys were
looking for me?

Okay, good,
you found him.

Told you I didn't
compost his a*s.

God, get blamed
for everything.

We were so worried
about you, Jerry.

You missed Morty mating
with an octopus.

It'll probably
happen again.

What were you even
doing up here?

Oh, you know,
just taking some "me" time.

Gross!

Well, I wasn't jerking off,
if that's what you're implying.

Ew, what the f*ck?!

Who said that?
You just look grody!

Yeah, y-you need to get out
more, Dad.

What the f*ck was that?
Uh, nothing.

Eh, a guy like you,
might be good for ya.

♪

I-I think I saw a yak
out there.

If I capture it
and keep it alive,

I should be able to drink
its piss for two weeks.

Probably even three.

Hey, Dad,
have you seen the--

Oh, God, Jesus!
Come on, Dad!

What?
It's the culture of the show!

You're supposed
to watch it naked!

It is the culture of the show, honey.

Guys!
We all use those couches!

[ Slurping ]

Mhm.
You're so right about this guy.

Turn it up.

Did you get any of that?