08x07 - Ricker Than Fiction

[bunniefuu]

♪

Step away from the
Tarnation Casket, Baron Thistle.

You cannot stop me,
Arbor Knight.

Once the stream is activated,

the negative feedback
will rip your world apart.

We have 1.32 minutes
before the nexus shockwave...

What the f*ck is happening?
Are you following any of this?

I-I'm so lost.

Sh-Should we turn
the subtitles back on?

- Shh!
- Nano-configuration,

causing the Tarnation Casket
to self-implode.

- But that's impossible.
- Nothing's impossible.

We're the Robo-Trees.

You're Arbor Knight,
our leader.

Red Wood,
you're the hothead.

Palme D'or, or-you're our
resident super-genius.

Cypress, you're
our girlboss boss-lady.

And I'm Tannenbaum, here to get
your rears in gear. Whoo. Yeah.

Did he seriously reintroduce
each character?

This is the ninth movie.

Die, Tannenbaum.
You suck.

Guys, you're talking
over the whole ending.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Laughs maniacally ]

This is not over,
Robo-Trees.

Your day of reckoning
will soon be at hand.

Don't just stand there,
Redwood.

He's still in range.
sh**t him.

You're literally holding a g*n.

Robo-Trees, let's go home.

Yeah. I need a bath.

[ Laughter ]
'Cause I'm stinky.

♪ It's a "Maximum Velocitree" ♪

Ugh.
Not exactly "Citizen Kane."
[ Groans ]

I kinda loved it.

Oh, God.
Rick, what are you doing?
[ Electricity crackles ]

I dunno what to do with
these feelings, Jerry.

This used to be
my favorite franchise.

M-Maybe it's time
to like something else.

No. I-I wanna talk to
the manager.

[ Thunder crashes,
animal howls ]

You in charge?
- Yeah. I'm James Gunn.

[ Grunts ]
Hey! Bradley Cooper
carved that desk.

What was up with
that last "Maximum Velocitree"?

- You didn't like it?
- I thought it was great.

You're ruining my childhood.
W-Which is still ongoing.

Stop eating up screen time with
stupid comic relief characters

and put more cool sh*t
in the story.

Guys, I'm a fan, too.

Why do you think
Warner Brothers put me

behind that desk
you now owe me?

So you could pitch
Batman ideas to yourself?

Exactly.

And you know
what I've learned?

Making movies isn't easy.

The next
"Maximum Velocitree" movie

has been rewritten 40 times.


Now, we'll spend five years
and half-a-billion making it,

but in the end, know what will
make fans like you like it?

- A f*cking miracle.
- No.

What the next "Maximum
Velocitree" film needs is us.

Ha! I'd like to see you try--
Hey.

Time to fix
this broken franchise.

Good luck doing anything with
that script, it's watermarked.

- Aah!
- Aah!

I'll get an Uber.

♪

I dunno,
this script is pretty good.

- Give that back, Dad.
- Whoa, what's that?

The Movie-lizer.

It makes movies
at the speed of thought.

I invented it during
the title sequence.

Let's see what
James Gunn had cookin'.

[ Beep ]

For the honor
of the Robo-Tree.

Time to die.

With the power of friendship.

Yikes. "Citizen Kane"
doesn't strike again.

Oh-h*-h*, he will.

The Movie-lizer uses
a prompt-driven CPU.

I just type
whatever tweaks I want,

and it auto-generates
the rest.

Hell, yeah.
M-Make it lose that bad guy.

Baron Thistle hasn't been cool
since the third movie.

Let's k*ll two birds
with one prompt.

[ Beep ]

Till we meet again,
Robo-Trees.

Wait. Where did
this g*n come from?

[ Grunts ]
[ All gasp ]

- Whoopsie.
- Hey. That man was unarmed.

Yeah, man. Uncool.

[ Spectators booing ]
It was an accident.

[ Both laugh ]

- So awesome. They hate him.
- Here. Watch this.

[ Beep ]

I sentence you
to life in prison

for unlicensed m*rder.

- Oh, please.
- [ Crying ]

Uh, isn't some of the stuff
you're messing with important?

Oh, f*ck the f*ck off,
Jerry.

That formula-driven,
"Save the Cat" bullshit

is what k*lled the last couple
of movies.

That's right, Morty.

We're gonna make the people care
about the Robo-Trees again.

Movie-lizer?
Make... us... care.

[ Beep ]

[ Both grunting ]

[ Both screaming ]

- W-Where are we?
- Oh, sh*t. Morty. Look.

Morty: Oh, my God.

I-It's Robo-Tree
Headquarters.

Wait, how--
how is this happening-?

- Intruders!
- Let's go.

- Stop them.
- Aah! Aah!

f*ck. The Movie-lizer
"Last Action Hero'd" us.

We're characters
in the movie now, Morty.

- Agh. It hurts.
- A-Are you guys okay?

I mean, I can see
you're being shot at.

Dad? Holy sh*t,

I-I can hear your internal
dialogue in my head.

Is the machine supposed
to work like this?

No. The Movie-lizer
malfunctioned.

Now the Robo-Trees
are trying to k*ll us.

Really?
Uh, let me try something.

- What the hell is this?
- A 2007 Kia Spectra.

I thought you could use
a cool getaway car.

Are you kidding me?
This car sucks.

The joke's on you. Edmunds
Car Report gave it three stars.

It's a family sedan!
sh**t it!

- Better than nothing. Let's go.
- Aah!

[ Engine revs ]

Ow!

H-How are we gonna get
outta here?

The Movie-lizer might eject us
once the story is over.

Jerry, type that we skip to the
end, and everything works out.

Jerry:
I don't think I can, guys.

It says the script is


Also, t-there's an
error-thing bleeping that says,

"antagonist not found"
and "no third act."

Without an ending, you'll
be stuck in the movie forever.

- [ Groans ]
- God damn it.

You cut a bunch of stuff
out willy-nilly.

What did you expect?

Look, I understand story.
Lemme just put everything back

that you took out and--
- Jerry, stop.

You'll only make things worse.
You're a terrible writer,

and you should never,
ever get on the keys.

Well, excuse me for living.

Alright, we k*lled the villain,
gotta undo that.

Didn't they use lightning
to bring George Washington back

to life in "Maximum
VelociThree: Tell No Lies"?

Hold on.
The machine doesn't hate that...

See.
This is going to work.

We'll bring back
Baron Thistle

and give this stupid thing
an ending. [ Grunts ]

Use your blinker.
f*ck off.

[ Thunder crashes ]

Okay, all we need now
is a little lighting.

[ Thunder crashes ]

[ Groans ]

- We're back, baby.
- It worked.

- [ Grunts ]
- Aah!

Look out! Zombie!

Dude. Ugh.
We just brought him back.

- f*ck bit you.
- Wait.

the Movie-lizer
is detecting a new antagonist.

I don't see any--

[ Grunting ]

Guys, this new character
has given you

a 20.5% better chance
of ending the movie.

- But I am in pain.
- So we're back on course?

Sort of.
You still need a third act.

In the original draft,
Baron Thistle was gonna

k*ll Tannenbaum
in front of the Robo-Trees...

Huh. That would've been
a cool ending.

[ Grunting ]

Maybe Son of Thistle could
finish what his father started?

Hmm,
you do kinda look like him.

- You want me to k*ll Tannenbaum?
- Whatever works.

Okay, I'll break Tannenbaum
out of jail,

reunite him with the Robo-Trees,
and then Morty will k*ll him.

Does the machine recognize
that as an ending?

Hold on.

It does.
Kinda bleak, though.

Shut up.
I'm off to a jailbreak.

Wh-What the hell
am I supposed to do?

You're the new bad guy.

Hook up with
the Hench-Weeds

and give the Robo-Trees
something to stop.

Something to stop?
What's that mean?

See you in the third act.

[ Tires screech ]

Extra creatine, please.

Yo, James Gunn.
- Oh. Hi, Zack Snyder.

Just saw your new cut of
"Superman," and word of advice,

he's the Man of Steel,
not the Man of Conversation.

- Okay.
- Do more shots of him punching.

And here's
a secret move--

start the punch
at regular speed,

and then you're gonna
ramp it down.

It's not a f*cking secret.

[ Sighs ]
I'm sorry, Zack Snyder.

I shouldn't be
lashing out at you.

Your biceps are the size
of my head.

Yes, but so is my heart.
What's going on with you?

Some fan
of the Velocitree franchise

got onto the lot today.

He used a portal,
and he just...

Zack, we're not losing touch
with the audience, are we?

I mean, I gave notes on the
g*dd*mn Count Chocula movie

this morning--
- Was the portal green?

That's Rick Sanchez.
[ Chuckles ]

Gunner, that's the guy
that sealed Nolan

in the giant bookcase

to quote-unquote punish him
for "Interstellar."

He doesn't represent
real fans.

He's just the smartest man
in the universe.

Don't sweat it.
He can't do what we do.

Probably.

Gonna go crush
some weights.

One day you're gonna wish
you hit the gym

like I do, James Gunn.

♪

Uh, hello?

Is this Baron Thistle's
evil base?

Not anymore.
We're packing it in.

Gonna try to sell
all this stuff

on my girlfriend's
Etsy site.

[ Panting ]
Everyone, listen up.

I'm here to get this place
back up and running.

I am the Son of Thistle.

He does sorta have
the same jacket.

And his head
is also a cactus.

That's all the proof I need.

Tell us what to do.

Uh, well,

what were y'all doing
before Baron Thistle died?

Oh. Uh. Y'know.
Doomsday plan.

We were gonna melt
the ice caps.

Spent months
on the blueprints,

not that your dad ever said,
"Thank you."

- W-What's your name?
- Samantha.

It sucks when your boss
never says thank you, Samantha.

But under me,
everyone will feel appreciated.

[ All cheer ]

Samantha,
I am putting you in charge

of Operation: Complete and
Total Polar Cap Destruction.

Ohh. Thank you, sir.
I've been feeling so low lately.

I think it's 'cause my Mom
forgot my birthday.

Samantha, that will never
happen again.

I'm your Mom now.

Now, let's melt
some ice caps!

[ Dance music playing,
all cheering ]

See. My Son of Thistle
idea did work.

Son of a b*tch did it.
He made a movie machine.

Says it right on the side.

[ Cellphone vibrating,
ringing ]

Hello?
James Gunn: [ High-pitched ]
Hi, there.

It's me. Your wife.

Here's your prison food,
new guy.

What you in for?

The fastest crime
I could commit.

Any of you see
an annoying little b*tch

of a Christmas tree?

Oh, please.
Oh, please, don't beat me.

I won't.
I'm here to rescue you.

I'm not worth rescuing.

- Huh?
- I suck.

I say dumb catchphrases,

I look like a t--
a toy designed for kids.

I'm a f*ck' idiot.

Wow. More self-aware
than I thought.

But, c'mon.
Everyone sucks until they don't.

That's the arc
of every good story.

- It is?
- Here's the plan.

I'll start a riot,
and we sneak out.

I know you're not a fighter,
but--

When do we start?

Oh. Uh, right now.

Good.
Take that back, as*h*le.

[ Grunts ]

I'll take it back when
I stop f*cking your mother.

[ Both grunting ]

Save some punching
for the rest of us.

Aah!
- Lunch is ruined.

[ Men grunting, screaming ]

♪

Whoa. Cool.
[ Grunts ]

Get your f*cking rear
in gear.

James Gunn: [ High-pitched ]
I really miss you.

I miss my hubby.

Why don't you come
into the kitchen?

Sure. But... why are you calling
from a different phone number?

Uh. It's a burner phone
for spam calls.

Come-- Come into the kitchen
for some lemonade.

Oh wow.
Can't pass up lemonade.

[ Laughs ]

[ Normal voice ]
The Movie-lizer is mine.

No one's more creative
than James Gunn.

[ Laughs ]

[ Both grunting ]

[ Both grunt ]

- Aah!
- God damn it. We're stuck.

[ Both grunt ]
No we're not, Rick.

- Aah!
- Grab my stump.

Yeah-ha!
- Whoa!

Ow.

Holy sh*t.
That was awesome.

And so was that.

- Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
- Job well done.

Alright.
Thank the squirrels
you're safe.

Thank Rick Sanchez.
He did everything.

You did a lot, too.

Definitely more
than I expected.

Rick, I wanna thank you
for rescuing me.

Ah. Here.
I want you to have this.

It's a piece of me.

Oh, uh. Thanks.

Is this, like,
one of your ba*ls?

Robo-Trees, something messed up
is going viral

all over Twit-Tok.

He-Hello, Earth.
I'm the Son of Thistle,

and I'm just like my dad,
so I'ma Doomsdayin'.

Samantha, tell the people
what we're gonna do.

We're gonna wipe out
the polar ice caps

' cause they suuuuuuck.

Huh. Does the Movie-lizer
still think we're on track?

- Jerry?
- [ Grunting ]

- Jerry?
- f*ck' heavy.

[ Clank! ]

Shoulda listened
to Snyder.

Right on cue. Weeds, attack.

Robo-Trees,
let's stomp that prick.

[ All grunt ]

[ Grunting ]

♪

Where the hell is Tannenbaum?

- Dude, where is he?
- On the ship.

Turns out,
Tannenbaum's an alright guy.

He's kinda my
favorite character now.

What? Look at me.
I-I'm a f*cking cactus.

Relax.
Trust the process.

Oh, my God, you're
re-breaking the story again?

I wanna go home,
and I didn't even think

the last "Maximum
Velocitree" was all that bad.

You said
it wasn't "Citizen Kane."

[ Both grunt ]
I'm 14.

I've never seen
"Citizen Kane."

Now, listen to me,
you stupid old man,

you're gonna bring
Tannenbaum here,

and I'm gonna sh**t him
in the g*dd*mn head

just like we planned.

Okay, okay,
I'll help you k*ll him.

- Uhhh. You're gonna do what?
- Mom?

You're in cahoots
with the Robo-Trees?

- Samantha. L-Let me explain.
- Okay. Go ahead.

sh*t, she called my bluff.
Run!

Get them!

Dad, help.
Your dad's not
f*ck' answering.

James Gunn:
That's because he's in the
kitchen, talking to his wife.

- James Gunn?
- James Gunn?

- That's right.
- James Gunn?

- Just walk away, man. Walk away.
- But...

I read that dinosaur book
you wrote, Jerry.

Really good stuff.
- You did?

Well. I got the gist. Maybe
we could do business together?

Two-picture deal?
- Uh...

- Dad, no.
- Don't do it. We need you.

That's it, Jerry.
Give in to Hollywood.

You know how to really
succeed in this town?

By turning your back
on family.

- I don't like that.
- [ Grunts ]

No.
You could've had it all.

- [ Grunts ]
- Guys, I'm back.

Geez-Louise, what did you do?
The story's gone linear.

We pissed off the good guys
and the bad guys.

R-Rick likes
Tannenbaum now.

- I just think he's interesting.
- We need a new ending.

I literally wrote us
into a corner.

Ya gotta write us
outta here, Jerry.

Me? You said
I was a terrible writer

who should never, ever,
ever, ever, ever--

I didn't say that many "evers."
Listen, Jerry,

any idiot can plug an idea
into a machine

when they don't care
what it spits back out,

but it takes
a special kind of idiot

to get on the keys
and write us an ending.

You're that idiot.

But how?

It's always been
right in front of you--

go over
to my workbench.

Uh. Alright. I'm there.

Open the third drawer on
the right and reach way back.

There should be
a small orange bottle.

W-What is it?
Some sci-fi device?

Better. It's magic.

Don't take more than two,
drink lots of water,

and remember to blink.

I now pronounce you two
both guilty and dead.

Aw, geez. Dad? Help.

Jerry:
Then, as fate would have it,

a very large air vent
opened beneath them.

Our heroes escape execution
via the large vented air vent.

As fate would have it, this is
a direct path to the outside.

Slam cut to-- exterior--
New York-- day.

[ Both grunt ]
New York?

Why are we
in New York?

Stop micro-managing me.

Then, as fate would have it,

a high-octane
Lamborgina pulls up.

Whoopsie,
forgot how to drive.

Here kid, catch.

Whoa.
The Adderall is hittin'.

Get in the car

[ Tires squeal ]

♪

[ Tires squeal ]

[ Both screaming ]

♪

[ Horn honks ]

[ Both screaming ]

Okay, Jerry,
now get us to the cl*max.

Uh, Nerth Pole?

[ Grunts ] No, t-that's where
Samantha built the super weapon.

Dad's trying to get us
back on course.

Hang on.

Yes.
We've got curvature.

[ Both grunt ]

[ Screams ]

Guessing that's your
doomsday weapon?

We're nearin' the end
of the movie.

Damn.
Samantha built it fast.

I guess supporting
those beneath you--
Here they come!

[ Panting ]

♪

We have 1.63 minutes

before the melting
polar ice caps

reach the point
of no return.

- We got company.
- Stop that traitor.

sh*t, Morty, I-I think I
figured out the best ending yet.

Hello, Mother.

You deal with that.
I don't know what that's about.

Come and get me, trees.

Samantha, hey, beautiful job
on the w-weapon thing.

I thought you actually liked
my evil plan.

But let's face it,
you're no mother.

You're just a bad guy.

Step away from
that super weapon.

- Let's blast him.
- For once, I agree with you.

Sto-o-o-p. Don't sh**t.
He's a good man.

He saved me.

- No. I'm bad.
- Huh?

I only rescued you
so I could have you k*lled.

I hate you, Tannenbaum.
You look like a toy.

D-Die already!
- g*n!

[ Grunts ]

See you...
next... summer...

Wait. No. No-o-o-o-o!

♪

You saved the world
from another unarmed man.

[ Gasps ] Oh, no.
They died?

Sometimes saving the world
requires complex decisions.

Decisions made
by a true leader.

Hail, Tannen-Knight,
leader of the Robo-Trees.

They did it.
What an ending.

They outdone the Gunn.

[ Electricity zapping ]

- We're back. Oh, my God.
- We're alive. Oh. Oh.

We were dead in the movie,
actually dead.

Wow, Dad. L-Looks like
us dying really affected you.

No, he just forgot
to blink.

Still. I admit it.
Making movies is hard.

From now on, I'm just gonna be
an impossible-to-please fan.

You said it. Let's go troll
some comment sections.

[ Tires squeal ]
Oh, God,
where'd James Gunn go?

f*ck James Gunn.
Where's the g*dd*mn hard drive?

I'm telling, Mr. Brothers,
they cracked the code.

This won't just put butts
in seats and sell popcorn.

It will give people hope.

It could save Hollywood.
It could change everything.

Nice work, Mr. Gunn.
Give the man a sundae.

Ooh, I love sundaes.

Aah!

♪

[ Weakly ]
Why was it called a sundae?

[ Grunts ]

♪ It's a "Maximum Velocitree" ♪

♪ Robotic trees
against adversity ♪

♪ It's not rocket science
or geometry ♪

♪ So sit on back
and watch the movie ♪

♪ Five trees against
a cactus man ♪

♪ Next summer,
we'll be back again ♪

♪ Gotta fill
our content demand ♪

♪ If domestic tanks,
there's always Japan ♪

♪ All we need is friendship
and sunshine ♪

♪ Choking on a wild vine ♪

♪ No one stops us growing
from the ground up ♪

♪ Baron Thistle
and his hench-weeds ♪

♪ Lookin' like some bad seeds ♪

♪ Now Velocitrees are gonna
round up ♪

♪ They have a tendency
to fight tyrannic succulents ♪

♪ They have a tendency
for kicking plant a*s ♪

♪ It's a "Maximum Velocitree" ♪

Okay, Jerry.
All set.

But for the record,
I do not condone

using the Movie-lizer
in this way.

Hear that, Dad?
You're good to go.

Jerry: Can't believe I'm
actually inside "Space Jam 7."

Oh, hey, LeBron.
Still doing this, huh?

Let's get outta here.

Hey, guys,
you know how

I've been writing raptor porn
on the side?

I'm ready to share it
with the world.

Oh, well, guess I'll just
leave it on this machine

till they come back.

[ Movie-lizer whirs,
electricity zaps ]

Guys? You still there?
Oh, no.

Dear God. What is that?

[ Raptor roaring ]
Aah! Stop! Let go of me!

What are you doing? Stop!

Don't just stand there,
Speedy Gonzales.

Do something!

Did you get any of that?