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06x13 - Birthday Party

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Jersey Shore: Family Vacation". Aired: April 5, 2018 – present.*
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Series is a revival, sequel, and reunion series of the reality television series Jersey Shore, which ran from 2009 to 2012.

06x13 - Birthday Party

Post by bunniefuu »

- ♪ MTV ♪

- This is Vinny. - Hey, guys.

- Hey. What's up? [music fades]

[clears throat] Awkward.

[eerie music]

- Happy divorce party!

We got to say goodbye to the dress.

- Oh, my God.

- You did it, girl.

- Yay! Happy divorce! - Yay!

- Isn't she so chill with him?

- And she didn't say the F-word once.

- Can I ask you something?

Was that cool to almost run me over?

- Oh, boy.

- f*cking p*ssy f*ck face.

You're a p*ssy-a*s b*tch.

p*ssy-a*s f*ck' f*ck.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Oh, put your hands in the sky, come on now ♪

♪ Put your hands in the sky ♪

[both cheering]

- Whoa! - [laughs]

I feel like when you're a dirty stay out

and you start the party, it never really stops.

We love it. - Thank you.

- You almost k*lled me, you f*ck.

Was that cool to almost run me over?

- Bro, you're a f*ck' clown, bro.

- Oh, boy. She's a buzz k*ller.

- He just drove away

while I'm trying to get into his f*ck' thing

to try to, like, be with the girls.

We almost got k*lled! I almost got k*lled!

And he could have, like, literally ran my leg over.

- Go! Go! Go!

- I went to go step up into it, and he just took off.

And I went backwards.

- Go! Go!

Go! Go!

- I could have fell backwards and hit my head.

So many bad things could have happened.

- [in slow-motion] Go!

- Who the f*ck does that to somebody?

You almost ran my leg over!

- Let's go, baby. Let's go.

- Girl. Come on, girl.

- Hey, babe. Come on, babe.

- The new Vinny has seen every side of Angelina,

from, like, her being quiet, to her having fun,

to her starting drama, and he's handled it all.

- f*ck you, you f*cking p*ssy-a*s b*tch.

- This is a good match for her.

I like this guy.

- I want to fight him!

- I love you.

- I love Vinny!

both: I love Vinny!

[chanting] Vinny! Vinny!

- I want more drinks.

- ♪ Life is for the living, and I'm gon' live it ♪

♪ If the price is right, I'm with it ♪

[laughter] ♪ And I'm gonna get it ♪

both: ♪ Pancakes, pancakes ♪

- So I think you saw the worst of us.

- Hey, if this is the worst, then it's pretty--

it's not that bad. - This was the worst.

- This was the worst. - It ain't that bad then.

- Do you love us? - Yeah, I love youse a lot.

- We love Vinny!

- We love Vinny! - Vinny!

- Let's sit outside. - Yes, it's nice.

- We're tiptoeing out of here.

I just want to spend time with my man,

no offense to the meatballs.

- Look at the moon.

- Oh, wow. - Yeah, that's cute.

- Wait, we--we tried to run away in that bike.

- Wait. What bike? - It's like, calm down.

We got in the back of the bike.

- I don't remember.

Yay! Whee!

Nope.

I'm drunk.

- OK, we're here. Whoo!

This is gonna be the first night

I have some alone time with Vin,

no roommates, no one's a bother.

Watch the winding stairs.

And I'm looking forward to it.

- Wow. Feels so nice to be back.

- Ange, we're out here!

She's getting pregnant soon.

- Oh, babe, you're in a tank top.

You look so hot. - Thanks.

- Ange? Ange?

- They're having sex. - They're definitely--

Angelina! - Girl, they're having sex.

- Why would you do that right now?

- We're getting in bed, ain't we?

- What are you trying to do? - Shirt's gonna come off soon.

- What? - Ain't it?

- You have to do that to have sex?

- [laughs] - I would love to dance.

- I feel like she would come out

if we said we're gonna go dance.

- Go--where are we dancing?

- I want to dance. - Where are we dancing?

- There's a room upstairs. - Oh, OK.

- The boys got Vinny a room.

- Oh, the dance studio! - Yes.

Yes. - Exactly.

This was set up for you to practice with Koko.

- You need to get her because I'm about to go to sleep.

So get her now or get her later.

[laughs] - That didn't make sense.

Ange!

- I'm not going out all night. I'm done.

- Is this it? No, that's not it.

Oh, sh*t.

Where?

Ange! Ange!

Oh, God. No, this is my room.

- Ange!

- Ooh, I'm so sorry.

Hello.

- Pardon.

Wait, I don't know where her room is.

- This is her room.

- No, that's a boogie.

- I know for a fact this is her room.

- Ange? Angelina?

- [chuckles]

- Shut up. - Ange! Oh, God.

- They're not coming in this room.

- [gasps] This one.

- This is her room.

Yes, this is her room. - This one.

- There's Ange! - This is her room.

- They're here. - Shut up.

- Ange? - Say we're having sex.

I'm having sex.

- You're not having sex. - Well, I don't give a--

- Are you guys seven?

- I know they're not having f*cking sex.

- If that's how you have sex, that's embarrassing.

- And you know what? Whoo-hoo!

- Oh, my God. - f*ck me.

- Do you want to go to the ballroom?

- Whoa! - [laughs]

- Oh, God, here we go. The meatballs are still on it.

I'm in here! - Do you want to go to--

Ange, let's go to the ballroom.

- Ballroom? No, I'm out.

- The ballroom, to dance. - Go to bed.

We're gonna be f*ck' f*cked tomorrow.

How am I gonna get Deena the f*ck out of this bed

so I could just, like, hang out with my man?

- Listen to me. - f*ck' f*ck you.

- Let's go to the ballroom.

- Meatballs, I love you guys,

but this is, like, insanity at this point.

Why do you want to go to the ballroom?

It's f*ck'-- - To dance.

- By yourself? - So you don't want to go

to the ballroom? - You're not going out again.

- Let's go to the ballroom! - f*ck that.

- [coughs] Can we go to the ballroom?

- Yeah, let's go. - I just farted.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that.

[laughter]

- And I have to go to bed. I need to go to sleep.

- I just wanted to see what the ballroom looked like.

- [laughs] Get out.

- It was so nice meeting you. - All right.

Divorce party was f*cking insane.

Like, if I could have a divorce party all the time,

I would do it.

[chuckles]

- You're that way.

I'm this way. - You're that way.

Love you. - Love you.

- Bye-bye.

Where's my room? Ugh.

Is this me?

Did I miss my room?

Yeah, this is weird.

No.

Did I pass?

I want to hang out with those new people.

Oh, cool.

You guys are still up? Cheers.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ I'm feeling good ♪

♪ I'm feeling great ♪

♪ Feel like everything is going my way ♪

♪ I feel a vibe ♪

♪ Come catch the wave ♪

- Oh, baby!

[laughter]

- I had a few nightmares.

- What happened? - There were demons.

- Run, b*tch! m*therf*cker!

- I jumped out of a plane.

- Holy sh*t. - So a lot of sh*t happened.

- What day is it? - I don't know.

- [coughs] Oh, my head. Ow.

I'm literally dying.

Yeah!

[EDM music]

I don't know why I still think I'm .

- Oh, God. What a night.

You would have been annoyed with me.

- Why? - Just 'cause I was drunk.

We did our thing last night.

- Oh!

♪ ♪

- Not feeling great.

Vinny, I like him for her.

- I actually liked the divorce party.

That wedding dress, though. I mean...

But you know what? It was nice to put it to rest.

- Yeah, right? You see that little

spirit thing flying out?

- Was that my marriage going up in smokes?

Did you feel a weight was lifted off of you?

- I mean, I'm here for you for anything, so--

you know, your burdens are my burdens.

[phone ringing] - Hello?

- Happy birthday, Vin.

- Thank you. - is good, Vin.

It's the prime of your life. - Yeah, it's the prime.

It's my birthday. I'm years old today.

And life is good. I'm here with my friends.

- I don't know.

- These are my closest friends.

They're like my roommates, my family,

so, you know, I know today is gonna be a good day.

I'm assuming they have something really big planned

for me since they've never thrown me a party or anything.

[phone ringing]

- Oh, my God. I'm getting a FaceTime.

- Morning. Hi, friends. - Hey. What's up?

- Hi, guys. - What up?

- Today is Vinny's birthday.

- Yes. - Yes.

- Wait, so I feel like he always wants

to make his birthday a big deal,

so let's pretend it's not his birthday.

Like we all forgot. - Yeah.

Oh, yeah, let's do that. - I love that.

- Obviously, we're gonna throw him something later,

but let's kind of, like, bullshit with him

and just pretend that we don't know it's his birthday.

- It's Pauly D Day, anyway. Let's just go with that.

- Exactly. - Hell yeah.

- Yeah, today is your day. You have a gig.

- We'll tell him that's the only thing going on.

We want to mess with Vinny so bad

because he's obsessed with his birthday,

obsessed with us throwing a party.

- I've been on "Jersey Shore" for, like, years now

and never had a party.

Guys, my birthday's in three days!

- Oh, my God, your birthday.

- So Nicole's idea is

obviously not mention anything about a birthday to Vinny

and then throw him party.

- Pauly, should we invite him to haircuts or leave him home?

[laughter] - We should invite him.

- All right, so you guys are going to get haircuts,

so the girls can plan Vinny's birthday.

both: OK.

- Hey, Angelina. - Hi.

- Do you think the other Vinny needs a haircut?

Would he want to come? - Oh, that'll be cute.

A boys day. - Yeah.

- All right. Have a good day, boys.

And remember, it's not Vinny's birthday party.

- No happy birthdays.

- Whoo, it's my birthday!

Yo, come in.

What's good? - Yeah, man, I'm so excited.

Today's the day! - Yes! Hell yeah!

- Today is the big day! - Sick!

Yeah! - It's Pauly D Show Day!

I can't wait. I'm turning up in NOLA.

I'm playing at the metro.

- Oh, sh*t. - I'm gonna get us haircuts.

I'm gonna set up the whole day to be lit for my show tonight.

- All right, cool. - It's so hard

for me not to tell Vinny happy birthday today.

I'm excited. You?

- For your show? - Yeah.

- Yeah, I guess. - It should be lit.

- Does he actually think I would forget

my own boyfriend's birthday?

Come on.

[knocks at door] - Who's that?

- What up? - Yo!

Big day today!

- Let's go! - Whoo!

- I'm so excited. - Let's go, my guy.

- I love that everybody's together.

- Yo. Yo. - f*ck yeah.

- TGIF. Today's a big day. - Yes, sir.

- Do it. - Big day.

- It's show day. - Yes.

Pauly D Show Day!

- Yo, I've been trying to-- trying to, like,

look forward to this and celebrate this all week.

- Yeah.

- You'd wish me a happy birthday, right?

All right, I got, like, mad people

FaceTiming me and calling me right now,

so I'll see you in a little bit.

- Oh, wow. Tell 'em we said what's up.

- Yeah. - All right.

[somber music]

Maybe we can, like, get a cupcake with a candle.

- Text me.

[soft laughter]

- Did you know it was my birthday?

♪ ♪

- It looks really great in here, guys.

- So-- so this is the decorations?

- This is it. - He's gonna be like,

"You guys finally threw me a party,

and this is what it is?" [laughter]

- I had a little something I needed help with.

Well, not a little something. It's a big thing.

- I need it.

- I wanted to get engaged. - Stop.

Tonight? - Tonight, yeah.

So it's gonna be tonight. - Stop it.

Does she know? - She doesn't know.

- Another day, another bottle. - And it begins.

all: Surprise!

[cheering]

- You thought we forgot!

[upbeat music]

- Remember, when Vinny comes in here, no "happy birthday."

This poor guy, he has no idea

we have something very dope planned for him.

While we're out getting haircuts,

the girls are gonna set something up.

It's about to go down today.

- Hey. What's up, the Sorrentinos?

- What's up, WOWWs?

Know what would be really nice?

Haircuts.

And we're gonna invite Angelina's Vinny.

Right? - Yes.

That's so strange that Angelina dates a cop.

- Did anyone ask where he lives?

- He lives at the house. Vinny asked.

- Do you live there now?

- Yeah, I do.

[all cheering]

- They moved in together? - Yes.

- Yeah, they been moved. - Oh, I didn't know that.

- I didn't know that.

- They been moved in together for a minute.

- Since the Florida Keys. - Since San Diego, no?

- Since the Keys. - Oh, snap.

- He moved in since the first DM.

- All right. - Oh, my God.

Jesus has risen. - Hey.

- Dirty stay outs. - f*ck' so late, man.

- Hey. - Oh, you're alive.

- What's up, Dirts?

- Sorry. - Don't be sorry.

- I heard I was mean to Jenni last night.

- Mina was out, and I was hiding.

I'm getting nervous.

- Just shut the f*ck up.

I'm not afraid of you, JWOWW.

I said, I'm not afraid of you, JWOWW.

- "I'm not scared of you, JWOWW."

- Where's Nicole?

- Dead.

- We didn't go to sleep till : in the morning.

- What happened when she crawled in bed?

Like, was she loud? - Hold on.

First off, she didn't crawl in bed.

- I have to know.

- You ever see, like, "The Ring,"

where the girl just, like--

- It was like in the haunted house.

- The girl's just, like, standing there?

Standing there over the bed?

- Yeah, she malfunctions.

- Yo.

What's up, guys?

- So last night was crazy.

all: Yeah. - Any other good stories?

- This is gonna be so hard

not to say "happy birthday" to Vinny.

I mean, I just want to be like,

"Happy birthday, Vin!" But we can't.

- Today's not an ordinary day, guys.

It's DJ Pauly D's show.

- And Vinny's birthday is on Sunday.

- Yeah. - Yo, happy birthday.

- Happy early birthday.

- Happy early birthday, man.

- It's my birthday. [chuckles]

- Yo, Vinny, happy early birthday.

- Oh, appreciate you, man. - Happy early birthday, man.

- Oh, hell yeah. - Just turned .

How old are you turning? - .

- You're turning ? - Yeah.

- Nice. I'm .

Nice.

No one seems to remember that it's my birthday.

now. - Oh, nice. Sick.

- Crazy. - All right, guys.

- All right. Love you. - Have fun, guys.

Get your haircuts.

- See you later. - Have fun.

- Yo, big day today!

- Yo, we got Veterans Day.

- It's Friday. - Yes.

- It's Friday. - We got DJ Pauly D's Show Day.

both: Yes!

- Vinny birthday is in a few days.

- Yo, early birthday. - Yeah!

- That's what's up.

[somber music]

- Let's go. - Let's go.

- GTL. Let's go.

Come on, buddy.

♪ ♪

- Have fun, boys.

- All right, guys.

- Tell Vinny to meet us there, all right?

- All right, guys.

- The other Vinny? - I'm right here.

- Oh, oh. - Oh, wait.

I'm the other Vinny now?

[laughter]

- Oh, my God. - I love it.

- ♪ Looking for a lady, yeah, I'm looking for a dame ♪

♪ Went looking for a lady, yeah, I'm looking for a dame ♪

- Of course, you f*ck' pick a Vinny from Staten Island

that's younger, and better-looking,

and more educated.

How did you bag him?

I think . is a standup guy.

I think he's chill.

He's smart. He's got a master's degree.

And Angelina seems less Angelina around .,

which is awesome.

You guys met each other on the 'Gram?

- She said they were following each other

for, like, a while, right? - For a long time, yeah.

- Who messaged who?

- I think I was messaging him. Like, I don't know.

I have to go back on the dates--

- Like, last night, he said, like--

'cause I asked, like, "What do you see with your future?"

Like, what do you see with your future with him?

'Cause I know you just got divorced.

So do you see, like, that type of future with him,

or are you just taking it very slowly?

- Well, I've been taking it slowly.

I started dating him in February.

So I've been dating him for a while

before anyone even found out--

- Yeah, 'cause in San Diego, they were saying, like,

he was there watching your kitties.

- Hi. Are you in my garage?

- Wait, time out.

She's FaceTiming a guy at her house in the garage.

- Yeah, but that was-- - He was more of a friend?

- No, we weren't-- we were never just friends.

- Oh. - I was just making it less

than it was because I wanted to protect that at first.

- Yeah. - I love that you put him

on a pedestal. - I definitely didn't

put Chris on a pedestal, I have to tell you that.

- The king in your life is your man.

- My fiancé is the king of the garbage men.

- Wow.

- No, you didn't. - No.

- And that was, I think, also one of the issues.

[upbeat music]

- Yo, I'm getting hungry.

- Is this the right place?

We are on our way to get haircuts

because it is Veterans Day and Pauly D Day.

Not my birthday. It is my birthday.

- Who's first?

- He's going first 'cause he's the Vinny pig.

- Come on. Have a seat, bro.

- Come on, man. Got you right here.

How are you? - Good.

- I'm not gonna lie, I'm not feeling the vibe.

- I know you're not, yeah.

- I need, like, an old-school barber pole.

- Yep. - I need, like,

a drug dealer to cut my hair.

- Yeah, yeah. - This is too nice.

I don't really have the greatest expectations

going to a random barber shop.

You know, I'm pretty picky.

I would like a low fade, not that high.

You could do a half at the bottom.

I just get a fade, like a mid, 'cause I have thick hair.

- How long have you been a barber?

- Nice.

I don't know. I'm not feeling the vibe.

- Yo, Vinny .,

since it's my show day, it's Pauly D Show Day...

- Yeah. - How you feel about this guy

giving you a blowout for tonight?

- Ah.

[laughter]

- I do see he's a very good guy.

I know he'll be a really good dad.

- Egg freezing or, like,

you would consider, like, having children soon?

- Like, % with him.

So I had a conversation with him

about freezing my eggs recently.

- OK. - He doesn't want that for me.

He's like, "Why would you freeze your eggs

when we could have kids?"

- So you guys are considering that?

Oh, my God, can we picture a pregnant Ange?

- Oh, my God. I would love it.

- Like, soon?

I just got goosebumps.

- Did you really? - Yes.

- I'm years old.

I'm not getting any younger.

You know, it's not like time is on my side,

as a woman, to have a child.

And then your body will not work anymore.

You know, it's--it's science.

I mean, I would like to be,

like, engaged first, like, you know?

- Oh, my God, this is, like, sensory overload.

Like, I had no idea they were even this serious.

- Is the guy, Vinny, your boyfriend?

- No.

- Are you, like, girlfriend-boyfriend?

- I wouldn't say that. Like, it's weird.

Like, we don't really want to, like, put a label on things.

- This is, like, rapid fire.

My boobs got hard. - But you know what?

They really--they've almost been dating a year.

- That's what I'm saying.

- I just hope that she understands

the pace that she's set 'cause, you know,

she's doing all these side things,

like hitting on our Vinny and trying to, like, be with him,

but she's also creating a pace with Vinny .,

who might not know that she's doing all those things.

- I would probably do stuff very quickly.

- Next year?

- Yeah, %.

- Can I be a bridesmaid?

- [laughs]

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Show me the money ♪

♪ ♪

- I usually get a haircut every two to three days.

Us guidos, that's what our life consists of.

I mean, listen, we invented fresh to death.

- You did. - You know what I'm saying?

- Mike literally tells everybody his life story.

- I have one boy.

My boy is Romeo. He's months.

You know, I had such a wild life in my s.

And now my s, I'm such a good dad,

very wise and mature, and doing it big out here in NOLA.

Me and my wife's gender reveal party out here.

Last night was Angelina's divorce party.

- He told him his life story.

He's been getting his hair cut for about five seconds.

The guy's like, "Yo, like, what do you want?

What kind of haircut do you want?"

- Just trying to get a photo at the wedding.

- Like, the guy didn't ask.

He asked, like, what number you wanted on top.

- Never forget where you came from.

- Yeah.

- Always be the first to apologize.

Get on the path of self-improvement,

whether mentally, physically, spiritually,

personally, or professionally,

'cause that right there is a lifelong process.

- Is he f*cking serious?

[laughter]

[phone ringing]

- Hello?

- Hey, this is Jason with Natural Elements IV Lounge.

I'm downstairs. Where would you like for me to meet you?

- Oh, hi. Can you meet us outside by the pool?

- Ooh, nice. Relaxing. - OK, sure.

- Last night was a rough one.

[EDM music]

[cheering]

But the IVs are here.

It is time to rehydrate

just so we can go and dehydrate again.

- I can do tattoos all day, but needles,

I'm the person that's almost about to faint.

- Oh, my God, it's hot.

Deener, it's not great.

- Good morning. - b*tch.

- Good morning, dirty stay out.

You all right? - No.

Why were we raging like we never been to the club before?

- I don't know.

- k*ll me.

- Ooh, my phone is blowing up today.

- Are people hitting you up

trying to get into Pauly D's show?

- Mm. - No, totally something else.

- Whoo, brand-new kid.

- Yeah. - Let me walk into it.

- So what are we gonna plan for Vin's birthday?

- We ignored him.

We have to, like, plan something amazing.

We're all on the struggle bus, super hungover.

I'm behind planning at this point.

Like, I need to get my sh*t together.

- The ballroom is here.

- What do you want to do to it? - So we can make that

into, like, a party room. - OK.

- We could be like, "Just kidding.

We know it's your birthday. Happy birthday."

- I love that.

- Should we do, like, a "Dancing With the Stars"

themed birthday party?

- I like that. - That's nice.

We could act like he won.

- Maybe we make him a mirrorball.

- That's cute. - That's pretty.

- And then maybe we could do, like, a nice restaurant.

- Top five things Vinny wants. - Yeah.

- But what does Vinny love?

- Strippers. - He loves strippers.

- All right, so we could do--

a stripper bus has to be a thing.

- Let's see what we can find.

"Rent a party bus with strippers."

- Boom. Book it.

- Yeah. How can I help you?

- Hi. One of our friends is obsessed with strippers.

It's his birthday,

so we were wondering if you had availability tonight.

- Hot. - Hot strippers.

- Modelesque.

- Grade-A prime.

- Nice boobies.

- Excuse me? - Vinny.

- Guys, shut the f*ck up.

- Oh, she did it again!

- Damn! - I can't hear him!

- You nasty. [laughter]

- Can you please repeat that?

- We can definitely help you out, for sure.

- So excited. - Thank you.

- Oh, we got to actually order the mirrorball.

- f*ck. - Ma'am?

- Shiny disco ba*ls. - Yeah, hello?

- Oh, sir, sorry, so... - What did he say?

- Yeah, I don't know if you ever seen

"Dancing with the Stars." It's a mirrorball trophy.

So it's basically just a shiny disco ball...

- With "Dancing"-- - On a trophy with--

- "Number One Chooch." - That would be cute.

- How do you spell "chooch"? - It's not like coochie.

- C-H-O-O-C-H. - Choochie.

- Yeah, C-H-O-O-C-H. - C-H-O-O-C-H.

- Just please don't write "coochie" on there.

- I can't listen to , people.

- See, isn't it annoying?

both: Shut the f*ck up. - Shut the f*ck up.

[laughter]

- ♪ Brag so much 'cause I am so much ♪

♪ Men stay close, but I'm hot to the touch ♪

♪ You ain't talk about me, you ain't talk about much ♪

- Oh, my God, I have not been on Bourbon Street yet.

- I'm not ready for this.

- Let's get a drink.

- Deena, stop.

My hangover is awful today,

but we have to get ready for Vinny's birthday party.

We have to get decorations for the ballroom.

We got to make it, like, nice and pretty.

We need balloons. We need signs.

I just wish we weren't so hungover

because we have to make this birthday party look legit.

We look like slobs right now.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Today is my birthday, so...

- Really? - Yeah.

- Oh, thanks, man.

Literally everybody I know,

except for the most important people in my life,

have wished me a happy birthday.

"Dancing with the Stars," Chippendales,

other reality stars from different shows

wished me a happy birthday.

Even this random girl in the barbershop

was like, "Happy birthday."

- Dude, you got to put a dollar on your shirt.

That's what they do in the South.

- For real? - Yeah, and everyone will

give you money, and they'll tell you happy birthday.

- Wait, wait, wait. What do I have to do?

- No, not you. - Oh, it's your birthday.

- Not you. That Vinny.

- Go in here.

How fun. Oh, wow.

Hello.

Do we get Vinny a crown? Wait, this is confetti.

- Ooh, those might be fun to set off.

- Oh, God, don't-- don't have me do it.

- No.

- Oh! [all screaming]

- No, you won't do that. - No on that.

- Oh, that smells like heaven.

- I don't know that we need books.

- No, we don't need a book.

- A whoopee cushion? Oh, no.

- Whoopee cushion? - A whoopee cushion?

- What else? - "Home is

where the cat hair sticks to everything but the cat."

- Girl, there's a line.

- "Alcohol is the glue holding this shitshow together."

- Yeah, that's our show.

That's literally our show. - I love that.

- We're getting good stuff.

And I feel like this is gonna be such an awesome night.

Thank you. - Thank you.

- All right, this is a very important cut for me.

- Take that dollar off. That's for the Vinny ., man.

- We're gonna collab here, OK? - A'ight, let's collab.

- He has to interview the barber first.

- I know you're not my barber and whatever.

This is all crazy.

- After he interviews the barber,

then he still has to decide

if he's actually gonna use this barber or not.

- Like a low fade.

And I say keep it lower, just in case.

And a skin fade too.

A line right here.

- Then he'll describe the actual beard.

- Really, I keep it as high as possible here.

- Vinny, the one with the shortest hair,

is taking the longest in the barber chair.

- The edges can be just a little bit more.

- People think that I'm the hair guy?

No, it's Vinny.

He takes forever to get his hair done.

I'm gonna miss my show tonight.

- I'm dying over here.

- Why are you dying? What happened?

- 'Cause I didn't shower. - Smelly a*s.

- So this is gonna be Vinny's rehearsal room.

- This is it? - Yeah.

- It smells like a medical center.

- Why did I expect, like, a huge ballroom?

This place, it doesn't look great.

I feel like if we were to actually throw something,

it would be, like, in a grand ballroom.

There'd be chandeliers.

- This kind of looks like a crack den.

- And this looks like where you go and sit for AA meetings.

I mean, it's not great. - OK, guys.

Let's decorate this b*tch. - Now we got to decorate.

- Hey, Pauly, remember you said before,

if you wanted me to do a blowout tonight

since it's Pauly D Day, but I went back in the archives

when I used to have hair just like yours, man,

and I used to wear that sh*t every day.

I can show you a picture of it? - Yeah, you got a picture?

- Maybe give me your rating on it?

- Yeah, let me see this. Oh, my.

Damn, that's a good one.

Oh, wow, look at that.

- Listen, listen, listen, all these jokes

about the new Vinny are cool and sh*t,

but don't flirt with my man Pauly.

- Wow. - No, no, no, no, no.

This is going too far.

- Mind your business, man.

- Okey-doke.

I don't know how to, like, tie the balloons.

- In general, us moms are really good

at decorating and throwing a party.

- Why don't we put "chooch" on the wall?

It's a little lopsided, Nicole.

- This looks terrible.

- But this is not our best work.

[laughter] - Oh, my God.

Stop. - Stop it, Ange.

- What?

- This is embarrassing.

[balloon pops]

[all screaming]

- What is happening? - It's a f*cking ghost.

- Oh, my God, it is probably a ghost.

- We got to cancel this.

[laughter] - It's canceled.

- We are the worst party planners ever.

- ♪ Don't stop, turn it up ♪

♪ Don't stop, turn it up ♪

♪ Don't stop it, let's rock ♪

♪ ♪

- So what's the plan for tonight?

- Tonight? Um...

It's a big day for me. It's a big night.

- Yep, Pauly D. Show Day. This is going great.

It's so much fun messing with Vinny right now.

He thinks that we're actually not gonna

do something for his birthday.

It's gonna be a good night.

The only thing we have to celebrate is Pauly D's show.

- Yep, and then Veteran's Day. - Yeah, that's a good day.

- It's his birthday in two days.

- Yeah, it's a couple days from now.

- That's old Vinny right there.

- Yeah. - That's new Vinny.

This man is over the hill. He just hit .

Uh...

- Oh, so you know I'm ?

- Well, I know that you're turning soon.

- Mike, come on.

That man cannot keep a secret.

- I'm pretty sure you just said I just hit .

- Oh, sh*t, you're already ?

- Yeah, I'm . - Damn, son.

He and single. - And now he's gonna say

another line that he says , times a day.

- Damn, you've been on the market so long,

you about to go on the clearance aisle, kid.

You been on the market so long,

you about to be on the clearance aisle.

Been on the market so long,

he about to be on the clearance aisle.

My man's been on the market... - Here it comes.

- So long, he now on the clearance aisle.

- Listening to Mike's corny T-shirt lines

isn't really what I wanted to do for my birthday.

- Listen, everyone now and then buys a dented can.

I mean, you know? - Damn.

- At the end of the day, his saltiness

has only seasoned my sauce.

You can't be bitter and expect life to be sweet, man.

- Happy birthday to me.

- Oh, Vinny, what a chooch.

- Oh, dear.

- Oh! - f*ck my life!

- [laughs]

- Hopefully this mirrorball is actually nice.

- We're just picking up a package.

- Yes, it's a cake and the mirrorball.

both: Thank you.

- We're running out of time.

We need to turn this around and make this room look amazing.

- You can't make that room look nice,

no matter how much you try.

- Fellas?

- All right, man. - Thank you.

- What's that dollar mean on your shirt?

- What does it mean? - It's your birthday, bro.

- Oh, sh-- - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Oh, give that to Vinny. Give that to Vinny.

- Oh, my bad. Hold on.

This is so ridiculous.

Obviously, it's a joke, but at this point,

these people have not acknowledged

my birthday for so long...

- Here, give that to Vinny. It's his birthday on Sunday.

- I think, like, they started to believe it.

Like, they don't know how to acknowledge my birthday.

- All right, boys, let's go. - Let's do it.

My man. Got the man with the plan right there.

- Let's go.

- It looks really great in here, guys.

Just really, really ugly.

This party sucks.

- All right, guys.

- Oh, please tell me this looks nice.

Oh, thank God. - That's nice.

Thank goodness. - "Dancing with the Chooch."

- Yes! All right! - That's great.

- The mirrorball trophy is amazing.

It's even better than I ever imagined it to be.

Smells delicious.

- Oh, that's pretty. - Oh, that's nice.

- That's really pretty. - Yeah, it's a pretty cake.

Pretty, pretty. - OK, thank goodness.

We have two good things.

Vinny, we're sorry that,

you know, the place doesn't look fantastic, but...

- Well, who has a birthday

when we're, like, partying... - Yeah.

- And we wake up hungover as sh*t?

And now we got to celebrate your birthday?

- So--so this is the decorations?

- This is it.

This is it.

The meatballs are on the struggle bus.

- I am dying.

- The room's not gonna be great, but...

- It's awful. - Everything else will be fine.

- He's gonna be like, "You guys finally threw me a party

and this is what it is?"

- We love you, Vin. We're just struggling.

- But we have to sell it. Like, we have to be like,

"Oh, my God, this is it. We worked so hard."

- Yeah, I'll check my phone and be like,

"The clown is almost here, guys."

- Yeah. [laughter]

- ♪ All in ♪

♪ We're all in ♪

- All right, guys, what's next on the agenda?

- Big show tonight, man.

- All right, no, seriously,

what's the plan for the rest of the night?

- Get ready for the show. I go on at :.

- Yeah. - All right.

- Pauly is saying that his show is not till later

and we're not doing anything else the rest of the day.

It's getting dark out now. Like, I get it.

It might be a joke, but, like,

literally no one has wished me a happy birthday today.

♪ ♪

- Hey. - Hi.

- Hey, Ashli, how you doing? - How are you?

- Good, good. How are you? - What's going on?

- So I had a little something I needed help with.

Well, not a little something.

It's a big thing that... - OK, OK.

- I've been thinking about doing,

and I just want to make sure it goes right.

But I need some help. So do you mind if I let--

I let you in on it? - Sure.

- It's something-- - What's happening?

- Something I've been planning...

- OK. - With Angelina,

but I wanted to kind of make it a surprise.

- Just so that we can get

the three and five to stay that way.

- I wanted to get engaged. - Stop.

Tonight? - Tonight.

Yeah, it's gonna be tonight. - Stop it.

- It's gonna be tonight. - Does she know?

- She doesn't know. She doesn't know.

- I need it.

- Another day.

- Oh, my God, this is the last thing I thought

you were gonna ask me. - I know.

She has no idea it's gonna be tonight.

- Another day, another bottle.

- And it begins. - [burps]

all: Surprise!

- Look at this lit party!

- My--wait, my birthday?

- Yeah, yours, man. - Happy birthday!

- You thought we forgot, man.

- What in the actual f*ck is this?

- This isn't what I was expecting as a stripper bus.

- ♪ Right now ♪

♪ ♪

- Hi. - Hey, Ashli, how you doing?

- How are you? - Good, good.

How are you? - What's going on?

- So I had a little something I needed help with.

It's something... - What's happening?

- I've been planning with Angelina.

I wanted to kind of make it a surprise.

So I wanted to get engaged. - Stop.

Tonight? - Tonight.

Yeah, it's gonna be tonight. - Stop it.

- It's gonna be tonight. - Does she know?

- She doesn't know. She doesn't know.

I have the ring already. - Really?

- I'm ready to go. I just need a little help...

- Yeah, for sure. - To get it set up.

Something nice with some champagne.

- Do you want me to do this when you guys are at dinner?

- Yeah, when we're at dinner, just set it up nice.

- I love love. - Yeah.

Thank you so much. - High-five.

- Appreciate it. Thank you. - Yes.

- Bam.

- ♪ We show out on big screens ♪

♪ Lights on glow ♪

- Yo, your tit.

- My tit's out? - Yeah.

- God.

- I'm changing my shirt.

- You're such a lady.

[groans]

- Honey? - Hmm?

- Are you ready?

- You see how I did that, honey?

- OK, we're ready for the party.

- It's looking good.

You did a great job, babe. - Thanks.

This looks so pitiful,

but Vinny has no idea we have, like,

bigger and better things happening outside of this room.

And eventually, he's gonna love it.

This is funny.

He'll, like, get a kick out of it.

- Yeah, he will.

[sinister music]

♪ ♪

- All right, I guess I'm putting this on.

If no one's gonna acknowledge my birthday,

I'm gonna celebrate it myself.

I had a feeling that this was gonna happen.

And I actually packed my own birthday suit.

They can't ignore me now.

I don't know how my roommates could ignore me anymore.

Like, this shirt literally spells out

that it's my birthday.

Sometimes you just have to take matters

into your own hands.

- Hello. - Hi.

- Hi. - Whoa.

What's this room?

- This is the birthday room. - Why?

It doesn't look great? You don't love it?

- There's a f*ck' Amazon box still on the floor.

- "Dancing with the Stars" wished me happy birthday.

Koko wished me happy birthday.

Ricky from Chippendales wished me happy birthday.

Instagram girlfriend number three,

Instagram girlfriend number four.

Everybody except the people that I'm with right now,

who I'm supposed to be the closest to.

- ♪ You're the baddest around ♪

♪ You're the baddest ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

- Oh, sorry, sir.

- There's still garbage over here too.

- Hey, what's up, guys?

all: Hey. - Hey, Pauly.

- Hi.

- Oh, there she is.

All right, so the plan:

Vinny walks in, and this is his party for tonight.

Like, we're staying here the whole night.

I feel like we have to go along with our "prank."

We're gonna be like, "Vinny, this is the party."

Happy birthday."

But little does he know,

we got a party bus with strippers.

- Let me call the chooch.

[phone ringing] - Yo.

- What up, my dude? - Nothing.

I'm just sitting in the suite.

- OK, listen, we're on the balcony throwing beads,

and girls are showing their boobies.

- Hell yeah.

- All right, come down.

- He's right there. - Line up. Line up.

- I tried my best. - Shh, shh, shh.

all: Surprise!

Happy birthday!

- Happy birthday, Vinny!

- You thought we forgot.

We had this big master plan.

Look at this lit party! Look at this lit party!

- After being ignored all day,

I'm happy that they're wishing me a happy birthday.

- Happy birthday, king! - I thought you forgot.

Finally, everyone is celebrating my birthday.

- You're our "Dancing with the Stars" champion.

- It feels amazing.

I got a mirrorball!

Like, tonight might be, like, the best night ever.

- I wanted to get engaged. - Stop.

Tonight? - Tonight.

Yeah, it's gonna be tonight. - Stop it.

- Mirrorball!

[cheering]

- ♪ Never check the price ♪

♪ Don't need your advice ♪

- Happy birthday, Vin.

- All right, guys, let's start to cut the cake.

- All right, let's cut the cake.

- Oh, yeah. Vin, the clown's coming soon.

- Yeah, and he's gonna be doing balloons.

- We have a clown. - Yeah, this is the night.

Whoo!

- This is the party? - Yeah.

- Yeah, this is your party.

- Happy birthday!

- It's a party! It's a party!

It's a party! It's a party!

- I've had parties in halls on Staten Island

better than this, you know what I mean?

Like, where is the real party?

[cheering]

- You said we never threw you a party, bro.

Here is your party. - Yeah.

Take a photo with your cake.

- I got the same cake from four days ago.

- Hi, Vin.

[cheering]

- I'd rather have no birthday

than whatever the f*ck this is.

all: [chanting] Vinny! Vinny!

Vinny! Vinny!

- I love birthdays!

- Oh, my God.

I could see it in his face.

He's like, "This is my f*ck' birthday party?"

- All right, let's dance.

- All right, come on. Let's play music.

- Cut the cake. Cut the cake. - Are we at the same party?

- Snap your fingers.

- Hey. - Hey.

- The roommates are dancing to no music.

- Let's pick up the beat. - All righty, whoo.

- Oh, yeah! - Yeah, Vinny!

- There's no beat.

[cheering]

There's nothing to beat up.

You guys really outdid yourselves with this one.

- Thanks, Vin. - Look at his face.

- We tried really hard. [laughter]

- This is why it's a prank. Sorry, Vin.

Wait, so this isn't really the party.

- No? - So we're actually gonna go

to a nice steak restaurant.

- Yeah! - Hey!

- We have a couple more surprises for you too.

- So let's go to dinner. - Let's go.

- Happy birthday, Vin!

- That party was sick, guys. - Yeah, that party was lit.

- What was your favorite part of that party?

- Oh, there's so much to choose from.

- All right, on three. - Ow.

- Oh, my God.

all: Happy birthday, Vinny!

- Happy birthday. - Happy birthday, Vinny.

- You finally get a party.

- All right, we have an elevator.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. - Oh, snap.

- This elevator is gangsta.

- All right, Vinny. - We got you a party bus.

- Hell yeah.

- Yo, what in the actual f*ck is this?

- Happy birthday, Vin.

This isn't what I was expecting as a stripper bus.

I was expecting, like, a stretch limo.

- Hey, hey, hey.

- And I'm confused

because I don't know who these dancers are.

Happy birthday, Vin. - There you go.

- I don't know if these are the strippers.

All right.

Are they just outside dancing before we walk on?

- I'm gonna pee in my pants. - I have no idea.

I'm like, what is gonna be on this bus?

Happy birthday, Vin. - All right.

- Yeah. - Look, they're performing.

Watch. - Nice.

- Happy birthday, Vinny!

[cheering]

What the f*ck is that?

- I'm like, where's the Y?

- Happy "birthda."

- I'm so confused.

- Happy "birthda."

- I'm backed up. - Time the f*ck out!

I blew your f*ck' d*ck the first night.

[all screaming]

[cheers and applause]

[EDM music]

- Make some noise!

♪ ♪

Excuse me! Can I have your attention?

It's Vinny's birthday!

[cheering]

- Thank you.

What's happening?

- What is happening? - I'm scared.

- I want to grow old with you.

I love you, Ange,

and I hope that you'll marry me.

[cheering]

- After you just met him yesterday!

[cheering]

both: She said yes!

- Oh, damn, I wasn't expecting that.

- We went from a stripper bus to this.

- I'm like, what the hell just happened?

- I'm, like, just full-on pissed off at this point.

- And all you've been saying is negative [...]...

- That Jenni has the f*cking audacity

to treat me like this.

Jenni and Zack.

I [...] looked at her. Hater.

It's my night. How dare you.

Who the [...] is anyone to judge?

- I don't know where we go from here, boys.

- Newark Airport. - Yeah.

- They act like it's not real.

- You have no idea how angry I am right now.

- I'm gonna tell you this right now,

you don't want to [...] with me.

[dramatic music]

- She's a loose cannon.

♪ ♪

- I'm just so sick of being the bad guy.

- Everybody is f*cking happy.

- We got a situation.

You don't want smoke from me.

both: Whoa!

- Why are you wanting to fight with us?

- So immature. - I'm going home.

I don't want to do this anymore.

- Maybe I'll get married next season.

- Yeah!