05x07 - The Not-So-International Vacation

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

- There is the wedding.

- You guys still doing that?

- We haven't even talked about it yet though.

- Someone's getting married. - She got engaged last year.

- Calm down. No. - It's happening.

- She wants to get married in years.

- Get your passport ready.

Big Daddy Sitch is off probation,

and we are ready to move about the cabin.

- Are you bringing Chris? - [chuckles]

- You gotta know right this second?

- Being off probations warrants a big trip.

Make sure you guys all have your passports.

We are going into international waters.

[upbeat music]

- Yeah, buddy!

♪ ♪

- Party's here!

- The Situation is under construction.

- We're so classy now.

- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

- Get the frig out of here, you crazy!

- Um, hello?

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

- All right, honey. You packed for every situation.

There's--I think we're ready.

I've been wanting to travel overseas

for about eight years now,

and being on supervision has made that impossible.

Now that I am off probations, the next logical vacation

should be in international waters.

Seven bags. - It's a lot.

- And listen, we haven't been on vacation in a while.

- How many of these bags are yours?

- Most of them.

♪ ♪

I think we're one bag over. It's not a big deal.

- ♪ I've been working, I've been running ♪

- Hey, beautiful. - Hey.

I remember you saying your passport might be expired.

- Oh, [bleep]. Thank you for the reminder.

- Yeah.

- Where's my passport? Hello?

Passport, are you in here? Passport?

- He's off probation. He gets his passport.

We can go international.

- Like, to France? - Well, tropical.

- Is this hurricane season?

- Probably, yeah.

- Yo, what up?

- Yo, what up, mate? Are you ready for this PJ, kid?

Big Daddy Sitch is winning right now.

I booked the surprise private jet.

I'm an awesome friend, but I'll be honest.

I live for these moments.

- I don't know if I'm gonna take the PJ,

'cause, like, when I think of a PJ, I think of, like,

a rap video with, like, you know,

girls twerking in the background.

- True.

- I know it's gonna be a little bit different.

Lot of babies.

- Yeah. - Housewives.

- Yeah.

- That is a private jet from hell.

- I agree.

There's gonna be a lot of babies and diapers

and screaming-- yeah, I gotcha.

- I want my flight attendant to be pushing a [bleep]

drink cart, not a stroller.

- All right, brother.

I'll send over that itinerary to your email,

and we'll make sure that you're headed off to the right spot.

- All right. Talk to you later.

- All right. Peace. - Bye.

♪ ♪

- ♪ Waking up, waking up, waking up to the best life ♪

♪ ♪

- Breaking out the fine china for the Larangeiras.

- So I invited Angelina and Chris

to come over for a couples dinner.

I feel like you and Chris want the same thing,

and you just need to communicate with him more

of the things that you think and want.

- Maybe you and Mike could help me,

'cause I don't know how to do it anymore.

- Listen, come over for dinner one night, and we will discuss.

- Ooh, that's awesome.

- I want to solve this friggin' marriage issue,

and if we can't solve it, I want her to move on.

- The steaks are already cooked.

They are warming in the oven.

This is appetizers, and we're ready for our guests.

- Is this the doorbell? [doorbell chimes]

- Hi! Hi, Mosey! - Mosey.

- I'm so excited about this dinner.

I'm hoping that Mike

tries to pull some [bleep] out of Chris.

It's very hard to get Chris to open up about anything.

Isn't that so crazy how me and you

used to go at each other and, like--

- Yeah. Listen, we were young...

- It's so funny.

- We were in our s and, you know,

and now, look at us now. We're married.

- We're doing a date night with a married couple.

- Yeah, date night.

- You know, we've never done that before.

- Never done that.

- We broke out the fine chiner. I mean, you know?

- I love this. - All right. Are we toasting?

- We're gonna cheers.

- Are we toast-- oh, we're cheers.

- I'm gonna cheers to date night

and healthy and happy marriages.

- Oh, my goodness. - Yes. I like that.

- Yes. - In fact, I love it.

- I like that cheers. - Cheers, guys.

- Cheers. - Enjoy.

Guys, I have to check the entrees.

- What do you guys eat on a daily basis?

Just, like, protein shakes and stuff?

- Well, now we're, like, really dieting.

- You got a gym in the house, right?

- We do. - So that definitely helps out.

- If I hear one more time

he wants a gym in the [bleep] house--who's paying for that?

- Me. I pay for everything.

I pay more bills than you pay in this house.

- You pay the--some--mm.

- I pay more stuff than you pay

and you make ten times more than me.

- That's how our thing was when we first moved in there.

- I don't care. I don't say anything.

- Come here, big boy.

Come over here. Walk up with me.

- Please don't hurt him.

- We're going on a trip, boy.

- Zack is such an amazing person.

- [grunts]

- He treats my kids like they're his own.

He loves them like I do, and he's young.

At , I was barely able to keep my [bleep] together.

- I gotta pee! Don't tell anybody!

- No one's looking at you!

- Stop it!

What's your favorite part about Zack?

- Uh-oh. - Soccer.

- Soccer? - Soccer. Wow, dude.

- Aw, 'cause he helps you with soccer?

You said, "Uh-oh."

- Yeah, 'cause we have some secrets.

I don't know if you-- - I'm sorry. What?

- Me and bud got secrets.

- You have secrets? You tell me?

- Nah. Don't tell her, bro, 'cause they're our secrets.

- Shh. - Yes.

- What?

- No.

- I don't even know-- - Hey!

You better not have secrets.

- Of course we do. We're guys.

- Does anybody want hot sauce? You want hot sauce or anything?

- No. I'm okay.

- I'm good. - All right.

- Why'd you just jump down my throat like that?

Jeez. - Yeah. She tries to, like,

make it like I don't do anything, I'm a bum.

- No. Oh, my God.

- Okay, this is a segue.

Is it possible that there are certain things

that are important to you,

and there are certain things that are important to you,

and they may not align correctly?

- I mean, I have things I want.

- You gonna say it now? - Yeah!

- Yeah. - I want to hear these things.

- I think one of the first questions I asked you,

on our first date, "How you like kids?"

And you said, "I don't."

- I was being honest. [laughter]

But now, I love them, so--

- Yeah. Will you still want me in years?

- Absolutely.

- Do you think we'll be married by then?

- By then? - Yeah.

- Yes. - I'm down.

- I mean you did say yes, so I hope you're down. So.

- No rush, though.

- No rush.

- I have things I want. I want to get courted.

- You want to be courted and have date nights.

- I want you to take initiative, too.

- Be more romantic. - Yeah.

- And you guys are gonna go do, like, a date night,

it's a nice night, and you're eating good food,

good conversation.

- You loosen up and relax.

- And you guys get home, you know what's going down.

You know what I'm saying? - Oh, [bleep].

I didn't think of it like that.

I think it's easier to talk to Chris with other people around,

so I'm going to say exactly what I feel

and exactly what I need in a marriage.

I want to get [bleep] and ducked.

[laughter]

- I wanna be--

- She wants to be thrown against the wall

and [bleep] like a ragdoll.

- Yep. - Yep.

When the couples, you know, have a healthy sex life, right?

- Mm-hmm.

- He and both of you

are going to be doing your part in the house.

- Basically, if I bang him, he'll mow the lawn?

- Probably.

- If you blow, I'll mow. [laughter]

- No sex in the relationship

is going to cause more problems than you realize.

It's a human function.

All right. - I'm gonna explain everything.

Every Saturday night, what she does is,

"I'm going out with my friends,"

and guess where I am?

- 'Cause he doesn't make anything--

- Always an excuse. Guess where I am?

- You don't. - I'm home alone.

I feel left out with everything.

You're constantly yelling at me...

- Understandable. - Bossing me around.

That also ties into the / relationship thing

where I feel like this relationship's more like /.

- So you say you're being talked down to?

- Yes.

- I have never seen Chris this vulnerable before,

but I believe he really does love Angelina.

You have to be careful with the tone.

- Okay.

- It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

- Yes.

- But they're both constantly doing the wrong things.

- And then another thing, too,

buying the house, I think it was you and your mother.

When I spoke to your mother that day on the phone,

she said, "Maybe if I buy the house,

if I ever want to kick you out, I can just kick you out."

- No, that's not the way it's phrased, no.

- But I'm like,

"Why the [bleep] are we going in it like that?"

Going into a house with that in my brain is not good.

- No. It's not. - No, no.

You're forecasting or projecting

that someone's gonna kick someone out.

No. You don't want any of that.

- That's terrible. - Yeah, that's terrible.

- For Chris to say, "Well, how about you buy this house,

just in case you'll kick me out?"

That puts a bad taste in my mouth,

because that's like basically saying to your wife,

"I know that in the future,

"our marriage and our relationship--

it's not gonna work out."

- Okay. Now can I explain me? - Go ahead.

- I was thinking of it as a fair thing for you,

since you were the one that was putting more into it.

- So a misconception. - Yeah.

But that's what usually happens when someone says something,

especially someone you love

and then you don't talk about it.

- Mm-hmm.

- Nine times out of ten,

it's literally a miscommunication

and they meant something different.

- Yep.

Marriage is not easy.

You've really gotta work at it.

Communication is the most important part

of any relationship.

We did great tonight.

- He's been more helpful in this minutes

than our therapist ever has been.

- I believe that there is hope for this couple,

but they have to put in the work to get past

a lot of their obstacles in their relationship.

- I think you accomplished a lot tonight.

- Yeah. - Same.

- And on that note... - Thank you, guys.

- I have to put Romeo to bed. - Yeah.

I gotta go check on this guy. - Thank you so much.

- Yes. - Yes.

- Thank you for all this.

I can't believe I'm actually saying this.

They got some [bleep] out of Chris tonight.

They got some [bleep] out of me.

It was a great night. That's for sure.

- You guys could be banging later. I don't know.

You know what I mean? You never know.

- [bleep] and ducked? [laughter]

- Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Florida Keys,

your final destination.

- Florida? - Florida?

- It seems I made a slight oversight with the planning.

- Where are you?

I'm at the airport about to get on a plane to Cuba.

- Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. - [laughing] No!

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Get on the plane, Vinny.

- Do not get on that flight, brother. We are not in Cuba.

- Cheers! Cheers to vacation.

- We had sex. [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

- I'm not a virgin anymore.

[upbeat music]

- We're good. Let's roll. - Grab your bag.

- Greyson. - Greyson.

- Meilani? - Passports? Passports.

Even though I have no idea where the hell we're going.

Why do I pack so much?

- All right, guys. Let's go.

Passports. I have the passports.

- All four there? - Yes.

- All right. Team Buckner heading out.

- Have you talked to Chris? Is he coming?

- I hope he's coming.

- Off to whatever.

International [bleep] waters. Whatever the hell that means.

Yay! We're going.

- Oh, man.

- You know, after our dinner with Lauren and Mike,

Chris and I agreed that

we were gonna try to fulfill each other's wants.

We're a team. - I know.

- And we'll be fine.

I have a deadline for Chris, and I and our relationship.

The deadline is going to happen

when I am on this vacation,

But right now, we're trying to work things out.

Yeah. I have a lot to think about.

- You got your passport? - I do.

♪ ♪

- International waters. - Yay!

- First time out of the country in how long?

- Oh, God. Probably eight years.

- I'm always late, and I don't mean to be late.

I really don't mean to be late.

I swear, like, I really do try my hardest not to be late,

but I'm always late.

- Uh, honey.

- How much luggage did you pack?

Because I know this is a you thing.

- How many bags?

- I think like seven. - Don't ask.

- We seem to have a situation,

because the plane seems to be full.

I think we're gonna have to ship Ang's FedEx.

- [laughing] No!

- So even if Angelina comes,

we're not gonna be able to fit her luggage.

There's no room.

- All the bags aren't going to make the flight,

and I'm looking and I'm like,

"Me and my four family members only have three bags."

Mike just packs, like,

everything including the chicken sink.

The kitchen sink.

What?

- Listen, this is the first vacation in a long time.

We're going into international waters.

BDS packed a little extra.

- You are going into international waters literally.

She's gonna force you off this plane.

- BDS packed a little extra. It's all right, you know?

- Your Uncle Mike's crazy.

- What? Oh, my God. Is that her?

- Where's my cute babe? - Hi.

- Bro.

- I am definitely not telling Angeliners

that her luggage is not making the cut.

♪ ♪

- Let's go.

- If I tell Angeliners that her luggage is not gonna make it,

she's not gonna come. The trip may be canceled.

But if I tell Angeliners about her luggage midair,

she has no choice but to come,

and we'll figure out the luggage at a later time.

- Going to get [bleep] tonight.

♪ ♪

- ♪ Everybody need a little fun in they life ♪

♪ I don't even mind, come along for the ride ♪

♪ Every day alive is a beautiful sight ♪

♪ And we thankful, yeah, we grateful ♪

♪ ♪

- Cameron's first flight! He looks so cute.

- ♪ I'm feeling the love ♪

♪ I'm feeling the love ♪

♪ I'm feeling good ♪

- Come on.

- This can't be [bleep] true.

I hope it's not true. I seriously hope it's not true.

What am I supposed to do?

No fresh bra, no [bleep] new shirt, no new pants.

What about socks, [bleep]? What about socks?

Now I have sneakers on, okay?

So how am I going to the beach

with [bleep] sneakers on and pants?

- ♪ I'm on fire, I'll go higher and higher ♪

♪ With the hottest attire, I'll get flyer and flyer ♪

- Please land. - Oh, my God.

- Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Florida Keys,

your final destination.

- Florida? - Florida?

- Clearly, Lauren should have planned this trip,

because Mike just doesn't know, like, geography.

- Listen, they said you may or may not need your passports.

Now we don't need 'em.

- I mean, if I was on probations for six years,

and I finally got off,

I would go somewhere outside the United States.

Aruba? Bahamas?

- They told me we were going to the Banana Republic.

- No. [bleep] Florida.

- We're past Miami, in between Cuba, okay,

to our neighbor of the Bahamas.

Also known as the Banana Republic.

BDS really [bleep] up just now.

I'll be honest with you. I don't really do itineraries.

But listen, I'm human. I made a mistake.

- as*h*le. - All right.

- It's still pretty. - Are we international?

- I just want a drink.

- We have to tell Nicole, because Nicole didn't come

because she didn't get the passports in time.

- Way to go, Mike!

- I can't believe this just happened.

First things first: let me call my meatball

so that she can get her and Sissy to Florida.

So I have some news.

You can come on vacation, because guess what?

We're in Florida.

- Dude, what the [bleep]? Like, really?

- Mike got a little bit confused

with the location of the Florida Keys.

- See, Nicole, there's a common misconception or pretty much--

- Nothing common about it!

- A grey area, as they will call it.

Uh, it seems I've made a slight oversight with the planning.

Technically, we're in the Bermuda Triangle

between Cuba, Florida, and also the Bahamas.

International waters is a state of mind.

I don't care what anyone says. We are in international waters.

- So you should get on a plane and come

so we can have some meatball days

and have a freaking blast.

So are you gonna come?

- Yeah. I'm gonna be there Wednesday.

- All right. Yay!

- International waters, here we come.

- I'm scared. - We're in Florida, Mike.

- International waters, here we come.

- I'm scared. - We're in Florida, Mike.

- And here we go.

Look at all the palm trees. Beautiful!

- Oh, my God. It's beautiful.

- It is, right?

- ♪ 'Cause you might be there on the other side ♪

- Wow. You did a good job, honey.

- The resort looked international on the internet,

but I didn't check the address.

But good news is it's an awesome resort,

and they have a buffet.

♪ ♪

Look at this boy climbing out. Are you ready?

Let the fist pumping begin. All right. Let's go.

- Guys. - We're here.

- Look. - Yes. [laughs]

- Yay! - Oh, my God.

Look at this place.

- Cheers. - Hi. How are you?

- I'm doing great.

- This doesn't look like Florida.

Is this considered the United States still?

- Yes, it is. - Oh, my goodness.

I've been never known for my logistics, you feel me?

I just got out of prison.

- Is Vinny here, sir? Because I have a key for him.

- Oh, damn. - Did you ever call Vinny?

- Uh, wait a second. Hold on a second.

- Did you tell him that we're actually in Florida?

- I think he might be getting on a flight--

a connecting flight to Cuba.

- No way.

- Why? Did you tell him that we were going to Cuba?

- I thought we were going in between Cuba,

Florida, and the Bahamas.

That's the Bermuda Triangle.

It's also known as the Banana Republic.

♪ ♪

Yo. What's up, brother? What are you up to?

- I am about to board my next flight to go to Cuba.

- Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. - No!

- No, no, no, no. - Get on the plane, Vinny.

- Do not get on that flight, brother. We are not in Cuba.

- Where are you? I'm in Miami. Are you in Miami?

- No, no, no. We are in the Keys.

- The Key--the Florida Keys? - Exactly. The Florida Keys.

- How am I supposed to-- I'm at the airport

about to get on a plane to [bleep] Cuba.

- See? See, that's the thing. [laughter]

- Wow. - You are a great listener.

- That sucks. - Okay.

I'm gonna take the L on this one, okay?

- All right.

Well, look, I don't have to get on another flight.

I think that's just a couple-hour drive from here.

- I promise you we will go to international waters

next vacation-- I promise.

- Oh, my God. - All right. Bye.

- Whew! Oh, my God.

- I haven't really opened up a geography book

or seen a map in a while.

Yeah, but I can still [bleep] outdo Mike

with, like, a geography test.

- Can I get some of the men to--

we're gonna separate the luggage.

This one is mine. The Situation's.

Mine. Sorrentino family.

Your bag will be here by tomorrow, for lunch.

- Lunch? - Guaranteed lunch.

- That means we gotta stay in the same underwear until lunch.

- Listen. Also--

- You said you don't even wear underwear.

- Jenni, I wear underwear now.

I've been wearing underwear, girl.

- Good for you. Look at you stepping up.

- I now do wear underwear.

It's helping me become more of a lady.

More of an adult, so that's a big [bleep] milestone for me.

Do you have an extra pair of thongs for me?

- Nope. Sure don't.

I have a few limits,

and Angelina borrowing my underwear?

No. Don't go there. Nope.

- This is my bocce ball set. Yeah. Very sentimental.

I brought it out here on vacations.

- What? You brought that on the plane?

Wow. Wow, [bleep].

I don't even got a toothbrush.

- Home sweet home, little man. - Wow.

- Are we all connected? - Yeah.

- We are? - Yeah. We all connected.

- [fussing]

- Hey! Get back here right now. Not funny.

- We're traveling with the [bleep]

"Brady Bunch" over here.

- This is where we're gonna stay the next week.

Do you like it? - No!

- [screaming and fussing]

- You have--what are you doing? - [giggles]

- Are you coming down from your sugar high?

- No!

♪ ♪

- You're not--Chris? - What?

- You're not going-- you're not doing it, right?

- No. I'm just taking a quick piss.

- I'll know in a minute.

- [flatulence echoing]

♪ ♪

- I'm officially going to throw up.

♪ ♪

- Honey? - Yeah?

- Seems there's a situation in his diaper.

[knock at door] - Come in!

- Oh, my God. This is spectacular.

The grandparents are already here.

Thank God they did their own research,

and they didn't end up in Cuba, and they ended up in the Keys,

exactly where they were supposed to be.

- Look at you. Hi. - He's tired.

- I don't even know how people do a vacation like this

with multiple kids running around

without the help of the grandparents, I really don't.

- Hi! Look who's here.

The kids are gonna go with the grandmas.

High five. Have a good time.

I am ready to have a good time.

- I love you, guys! - Oh, love you!

- Love you. - Mommy and daddy time.

- Yeah. [indistinct] - Let's get a drink.

♪ ♪

Cheers!

Cheers to vacation.

- By the way, he just went to the bathroom.

[imitates echoing flatulence]

- Beautiful. [sighs]

- It's your anniversary, brother.

- Yes, it is.

- Exciting place to be for that.

- Oh, amazing. It's three years.

Now that we've had the engagement party and such,

next steps is coming soon.

- Yeah, so here's what I'm thinking, right?

I want your thoughts. - Yeah.

- Don't tell anybody. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- I want to take the kids

and plan something nice for Jenni later tonight.

- Oh, damn.

- The kids were not there for the actual engagement.

- Yes.

- So I wanted to do another promise.

- Oh, damn. - The kids and I with Jenni,

and just to pull together our family of four.

- Wow, I really like that.

So Zack, he is about to do a promise ceremony

for not only JWOWW, but for the whole family,

to make sure that the kids know

they are part of the family and their future.

I love everything about it.

- But I do need your help, because I need a distraction.

- Okay. I think I can do that. - Yeah.

- And then we're having the wedding?

- [chuckling] Well.

- And then we're gonna have the wedding. Yeah.

- In an international location.

- ♪ Yeah, I'm alive ♪

- ♪ I'm the empress, you can ever impress ♪

♪ No, no, got a stylist ♪

♪ Rock designer when I get dressed ♪

- Oh, hey, girl. - Hey.

- Hey, honeys. - Get you something to drink?

- Yes. I know we're in a different country.

Do you have diet soders here?

- We're in Florida, Mike.

[upbeat music]

[phone ringing] - Oh, my God.

- [chuckling]

- It's the-- the Keto Guido's here.

- Really? - He made it from Cubas.

Hold on. Yo, what up, my dude? Where you at?

- I'm in the lobby. Where do I go?

- I am walking towards you.

Yes, brother. You made it. - See you. What's up, bro?

- Good to see you, brother. Good to see you.

- Dude, you almost sent me to [bleep] Cuba.

- It's a slight oversight, but good thing--

- Bro, good thing you caught me.

I almost ended up a communist.

♪ ♪

- What do you think so far? - This is really nice.

- It's dope, right? Oh, my God. Check that AC out, kid.

Check this balcony out and see what's happening here.

Oh, damn. Look at that view.

- I have a map ready to go of Florida,

and I am ready to learn their native tongue,

so I'm excited to see what this country has.

♪ ♪

Hey, D.

- Did you jump rope or drive here?

- I drove here.

- Does anyone want to go for a walk?

- Yeah. Can we?

- I want to check out the place.

Can I leave my drink here, then?

- Do you want to come with us? - No, no.

You go, you go, you go.

I gotta stick with my boy for a little bit.

- You want to see where this bridge goes right here?

- Yeah.

- All right, guys, so I'm gonna need your help.

Zack has this big plan tonight for Jenni and the kids.

Here's the thing. I can't be there.

I'm celebrating my anniversary tonight with...

- True. It is today. Happy anniversary.

- A special date night with me and my wife, thank you,

but I'm gonna need you guys to execute the distraction.

- How are we gonna keep her busy?

- Anything.

- Got any Botox laying around? - Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God.

Hopefully, this plan sticks.

This is a very important ceremony.

I gotta get ready for anniversary date night...

- All right. - With me and the wife.

- Well enjoy. - See you later.

- All right, guys.

We must execute the distraction.

- Shh. Shh. Shh. They're coming. They're coming.

- Jenni! - Yeah?

- Do you want to get a drink? I have a two-year-old

I have to keep occupied,

so this is right up my alley.

- I want a drink. - Do you want to a dri--get a--

- Sure. Do you want to do shots?

- Do you want to do a drink with me?

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my gosh. I'll be back.

I'm gonna go check on my kids.

- Oh, no.

Hey!

- Deena wants to try tequila.

- Yes! - No, I do not.

No, I do not. Come on.

- Let's get her tequila.

- All right. Let's go. Tequila.

- Let's go, girl. Come on.

- All day, every day. - Go, D.

- Let's pass over to the dark side.

- Go, D. Go, D. Go, D. - I don't drink tequila!

Oh, my God, my lower back.

- That worked pretty easily.

- Operation Distraction is a go.

- We need two tequilas.

- Listen, I want to do something special

with us for Mom.

- Oh, okay.

- But I need you to keep it a secret until it's time, okay?

- Okay.

- Let's go on a walk real quick, all right?

- All right.

- Excuse me. Can you come here?

- Me? Me? - Yeah.

- She just scratched me. - I didn't mean to.

- Are you trying to keep me from something?

both: No. - I...

- I have a surprise for Mom.

- It's for Mom, dude.

You guys will get your surprises a different day.

- Okay. - So--

- I just want to hang out with you.

I feel like I haven't seen you.

- How about I do-- - Mm-mm.

- All right. Why don't you--

- You're keeping me from something.

- No, I'm not. - I can tell when you're--

- No, I'm not.

How am I gonna keep Jenni occupied?

She's, like, the most suspicious person ever.

- You're the worst liar ever! - No.

My back hurts.

- She just said her back hurts.

- I know there's something going.

There's something happening right now,

and I'm a little paranoid.

- Oh, and also Vinny has to tell you something.

- Oh, no.

- Vinny, you have to tell her something.

- Do you see how I'm wearing this for the hotel?

This is our room key. - Yeah. Yeah.

- I got us something that we're gonna share together, for Mom.

- Here, come over here.

- Oh, my.

- No, I just wanted to say thank you...

just for being you.

- What is all this stalling? - No, no, no.

Distracting somebody is a lot harder than it sounds,

especially when that person knows

that they're being distracted.

I love you.

I think I'm doing a good job.

She's too busy laughing in my face

at what I'm saying to think about what is doing.

- What is happening?

- No. I love you. No.

- I have bracelets.

They're for us three,

and we're gonna give one to Mom.

Here, you can look at it.

So you see that symbol on the front?

- Mm-hmm. - It goes like this.

It never breaks. The ring never breaks.

- Oh. - See that?

- Mm-hmm.

- 'Cause that's an infinity sign,

so I thought I would get these for us and our family.

- Yeah. - And we can all wear them,

and that means--that symbolizes

that we will always go on forever,

'cause we all love each other.

- Aww! - So here's what I thought.

Please keep it a secret until it's time.

- Okay.

- What did you say you wanted

to talk to me about?

- Let's do a tequila shot. - Goodbye!

[all yelling] - Oh, my God!

- Wait! - Wait. No. No.

- Oh, my God! - Jenni! I'm doing tequila.

I'm drinking it. I'm drinking tequila.

- What is wrong with you?

- I'm drinking tequila right now.

- This is it. This is my end.

This is [inaudible]!

- I love you! Jenni, I love you!

- [squeals] - I love you!

- ♪ We can catch another one on the way home ♪

- This is gonna be great.

- This is gonna be great, dude.

Meilani, go grab her.

- ♪ Searching for you my whole life ♪

♪ ♪

- Hi!

- You close your eyes. Get up.

- Oh, whoa. - Oh!

- Where am I go--all right. Bye, guys.

- Bye. - I gotcha.

- Where are we going?

- We'll make it a straight line, buddy.

Look. Make it one straight line.

It's happening. It's happening.

- Honey. - Come on, guys.

- Baby's okay? - Yeah, the baby's okay.

- I thought you were getting in bed.

- No, I have a little something for you.

- I truly let her guide me down the beach.

- Okay, now close your eyes.

- They're closed.

- We're getting kind of--kind of closer.

- Oh, God, I feel like I'm gonna hit something.

- No. I promise I won't let you...

- Okay. - Hit anything.

Trust your daughter. I promise I--

- I trust you with all my heart.

Keeping my eyes closed, very nervous,

but I could tell this is very important to Meilani.

- Squeeze your eyes because I have a big surprise.

- What? - Come a little bit forward.

Now stop.

- Aw, it's happening.

- Tell her to open her eyes.

- Open your eyes.

- I can open? - Yes.

- Yeah.

- Aw. Oh, look at this!

- It's like a ritual. - Is it?

- He's going to eat her now.

- [laughing] Oh!

- Who did this?

- Hey, hon. Stay there.

- We--I--

- We want to-- we have something we...

- We love you forever. - Want to say.

- We will always be with you,

and we will always be together as a family.

- Oh, honey. Come here.

- Thank you.

- Oh!

- Oh, this is so cute. I'm crying.

- Aw. - Aw!

- Greyson, say your words.

[indistinct]

- Oh, she's crying.

- Is she crying, or is Zack crying?

- Aw, so sweet.

He is. Zack's crying.

- Well, babe, we had a thing planned,

but I wanted to do this with the kids,

just so we could signify

our unity as a family and our love.

- Put your arm out. - Zack involving the kids,

because we didn't have them involved

in our engagement-- it means so much to me.

all: Yeah! Oh! - Oh, my God!

- Yay! - Greyson!

- My kids are my # priority, so the fact

that Zack understands that and makes them

his # priority

reaffirms that, like, he's my person.

- Here, guys.

- We got you an infinity bracelet.

- Infinity bracelet. - We'll tie them up.

- Do you guys have them too? - Yeah.

- So look, now we all have them.

- And you all did this? - Yeah.

- We just wanted to say we love you.

- Oh! - We love you.

- Aww.

Honey. - [sniffs]

- I'm gonna cry.

- Aw. - It's like--

- Zack puts every ounce

of effort into JWOWW

and the kids and the family, and that's how you gotta do it.

- And this never falls off, and it has a symbol on it.

- That's the infinity sign.

- It symbolizes us forever.

- Thanks, babe.

- Hugs. Happy tears.

- Happy tears. You guys are so sweet.

- ♪ We've been dreaming of ♪

- We have a [bleep] five-month-old

to deal with, okay?

hours a day human,

so we have to go to bed.

- I brought people to take care of him, okay, so, like, peace.

- I think we're tired. That's it.

- I think we're all tired. - Everyone's tired.

- Yell at me. I don't care.

Everybody, yell at me. I can take it.

- ♪ I'm gonna take you high up ♪

- Oh, look at this! Oh, honey, come here.

- Thank you, Mom.

- Aww!

- Come on in.

- Happy tears. - Happy tears!

- Well, since we're here, do you want to go to the bar?

- Let's have dinner... - Let's eat.

- And celebrate. - [bleep] it, let's eat.

- All right. You guys, go get a table.

Enjoy yourself.

I have a little something special planned for me

and the wifey's anniversary tonight.

- What? - Love you guys.

See you all later!

- ♪ Since I was young ♪

♪ I've been a fool ♪

♪ Looking for someone like you ♪

- Look at the stars, honey.

- It is really pretty. - Like I said,

they've been shining on us for a long time now.

- They have.

- Mama, I gotta tell you this too.

Vinny needs a girlfriend.

- Vin--go tell him.

- No! No.

- What? What's up? What?

- You need to get a girlfriend. - I need to get a girlfriend?

I'm working on it. I'm working on it.

- What are we doing? I feel like--

- We have a little bit of a picnic on the beach.

- Pizza? - Yes. You sit right here.

- Not only is today

the first day of our family vacation,

but it's our three-year wedding anniversary.

[gasps] Ooh! - Look at this.

- A heart-shaped pizza.

- It's a heart-shaped pepperoni pizza.

- So fancy.

- Now, they don't serve everyone chicken tendies

on the island, but... - Yeah.

- Big Daddy Sitch put in the request,

and best believe we have Funfetti cupcakes.

- On the menu is tendies, Funfetti, and pizza.

I feel like he was just thinking

of his favorite things right now,

which--I am one of them, so it fits.

- This has been the best three years of my life.

- Aw.

- And you make me strive to be

my best version of myself

every single day, for us, our family, and our future.

Yeah, wow, that was cool.

We are college sweethearts.

We've known each other for over years.

To our beautiful family... - Yes.

- The amazing friendship we have...

- Mm-hmm. - And the spectacular future

that awaits us.

- Guys, we're right here.

Oh, no. We're falling here.

No, right here. This way.

♪ ♪

Wow. It's so fancy.

Beautiful.

♪ ♪

I'm gonna be classy.

[laughs]

- Because ten ate seven.

- No! [all laugh]

- Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

- That is true. That's true.

- Good job, dude. - That is true.

- What'd he say? - 'Cause they're birds.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

- To see the sea.

- No, because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

[upbeat music]

What do you call a dog with no legs?

- Why does the dog have no legs?

- No, what do you name a dog with no legs?

- Hot dog. - Nothing.

He's not gonna come when you call him anyway.

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, you're [bleep] up. Oh, I'm sorry.

- Oh!

Deena, there's children present.

- I need to go to bed also. - All right, guys.

Thank you so much for the ice cream.

- All right. - We're gonna head out.

I'll see you guys later.

- Bye! Good night.

- Let's cheers to a cupcake.

- Cheers to a cupcake? - Yeah.

- You don't have to bend my elbow too much

with some Funfettis. Yeah. Which arm?

- Ready? - Oh. Wait, wait, wait. Okay.

- Opposite or we do it?

- Well, we gotta think of something.

- All right. Cheers to three years...

- I'll do it.

Okay. Well, the only thing--

- My icing's falling.

Okay. - Okay. Okay.

[laughs] - Well, we'll share yours.

- Well, yeah. We'll share mine.

- Holy [bleep].

The past three years have been a whirlwind for me and Mike.

- The only thing sweeter than this Funfetti cupcake

is a really, really sweet future.

- We've grown in leaps and bounds,

and there's no one else

I'd want to spend this time with.

- "Lady and the tr*mp?" - I'll be the tr*mp.

Ready? One, two, three.

- Oh!

[emotional music]

- Oh, my God. That was so good.

♪ ♪

- I love you. - We did it, honey.

- I love you too. Let's go. Let's go, honey.

♪ ♪

I love this place.

Picture of us? - Let's take a picture.

♪ ♪

Oh, my God. What's that?

- [laughs] It's a bug bite.

- It's a bug bite? Oh, my God. I got a--

- The skeeters are crazy.

- The [bleep] skeeters. Oh, my God.

The skeeters got me. - [laughs]

- The skeeter got me, honey.

Now I got a big skeeter bite on my head.

- The mosquitos are no joke by the water.

[up-tempo music]

- Here's to our first night...

- Here's to Jenni. - In Florida.

- I'm going commando tonight.

Here you go, my lady. - Thank you.

- Ahh. - Hello.

- Oh, yay!

- Hey.

Do you see what happened to my forehead?

- Oh, my God!

- Bro, they are genetically engineered by Bill Gates.

- Do you see that thing?

- Dude, no one can even notice it. It's fine.

That thing is huge.

- Angeliners, what are you gonna wear to bed tonight?

- Yo, if I would have knew

that I wasn't gonna have drawers to sleep in tonight,

I would have went on a [bleep] commercial flight.

- This all could be for a reason.

- Get naked. You're forced to get naked.

- Exactly.

- Little do they know.

[tense music]

- What's that?

- Listen...

♪ ♪

We already had sex.

- Yay! all: Oh!

- Whoo!

- I'm not a virgin anymore.

- Damn, like, has hell frozen over?

- Cheers! - Cheers. Cheers.

- Is the world okay? Is Staten Island okay?

- Yes! - They had sex!

- Like, is the dump still in place?

- [bleep]. - Yay!

- ♪ You should call your girls ♪

♪ And I'ma call my boys ♪

♪ All the players up, party favors up ♪

♪ Yeah, let's all enjoy ♪

- Little do they know. - What?

- Oh, you guys had sex? - We already had sex.

all: Whoo!

- I'm not a virgin anymore.

- Yes! Like, finally.

Cheers! - Cheers. Cheers.

- Whoo! - Wow.

- Wait, wait, wait. Tell us. Tell us more.

- You take it away, Chris.

- Did this happen at the new house?

- More than once?

- It happened a couple days ago.

- At the new house? - He was poking me

with his pogo stick the day of the move.

- But that's good. And how was it?

- I mean, it was kinda quick, 'cause you--

- Yeah. Well-- - It's been a while.

I feel like it was, like,

almost two years that they didn't have sex,

so I can't imagine what that sex had to have been like.

I mean, if I went two years without having sex with Chris,

our house would be destroyed.

- Listen, it seems that you broke the ice.

- All right, so-- - You know what I'm saying?

- You know, I do see more of an intimacy between you two.

I can tell, like, the chemistry was a lot better

this trip already.

And now we know why.

- I think getting out of the house was a big thing.

It really was. Seriously.

- All right. Good. - I'm gonna fall asleep.

- Yeah. We technically got up at : a.m. today.

Soon as we're done eating, honey, we'll go to bed.

- Like [bleep].

It looks like it was destroyed, butter with pepper.

- Lauren is a blunt person, like I am.

I'm a little bit more raunchy.

She's a little bit more bitchy.

Hey, you ready, Mike?

- Let's eat. I want to eat too. You know what I mean?

- I am ready to shower and go to sleep.

I have a baby to take care of,

'cause I might have to wake up in the middle of the night

to feed him if he didn't eat.

- Do you like your c*ck? - It was too sweet.

- Too sweet? - Yeah.

- Honestly, I didn't realize Lauren complained so much.

- No one got me allergy medicine either.

- I mean, I still love her.

She just--you know, she complains a lot.

- I'm done eating.

Let's go. - All right.

Guys, I just want to thank everyone for coming out here

to international waters.

It's a beautiful resort... - [sighs]

- And I was telling Lauren before

that you guys are not friends.

You guys are family.

So tomorrow's a big day.

It's a beach day. - Oh, it's a beach day?

- Tomorrow's a beach day. - Oh, nice.

- Right after I ate all this food?

- Yeah. Yeah. I know, right?

- Is your mosquito bite coming?

- Listen. Bill Gates--

- Honey. Honey.

- Okay, he... - I gotta go, Mike.

- Genetically engineered those mo-skeeters

to come after me.

To a great first day.

- Double shot at love.

- Please. Yeah.

- Mike's not functioning. - No.

- Well, he's shot. - Anyway--

- We have a [bleep] five-month-old

to deal with, okay?

-hours-a-day human, so we have to go to bed.

You also have a baby to go to.

- I'm not pushing it,

because I brought people to take care of him.

That's why, okay? So, like, please.

[tense music]

The way you said it I didn't like it.

- Everybody's tired. That's it.

- I think we're all tired. - Yell at me. I don't care.

Everybody, yell at me. I can take it.

♪ ♪

- Oh! Oh! Oh!

- No way! No way! - Oh! Oh! Oh!

- I need underwear!

I'm not wearing the same clothes all day!

I want to go home!

- No, no, no, no.

- What's that?

- [whimpering]

- Oh, my God. - What?

Oh, my-- - No!

♪ ♪