05x01 - Deliveries and Deadlines

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

- ♪ I'm taking off just like a rocket ♪

♪ Who tryna block it ♪

- Babe, it's happening. - What?

- Bring my purse. - All right.

- And my flip-flops.

- Moser, what are you doing? You can't come with me.

Let's go.

It's a nice day to have a baby.

It is happening.

Baby Situation is on his way whether we are ready or not.

- Oh, my God. Honey, can you go?

I'm like really uncomfortable.

- Honey, I'm in a school zone, honey.

I cannot speed.

- Ow, ow.

I swear, I have a broken rib right now.

Ow! [groans]

I want the baby out now.

- All right, honey, we're here. It's happening, honey.

- Straight, straight. - Straight?

- Yeah. - Oh, my God, straight.

- Oh, my God, you would make the wrong turn.

- Listen, honey, this is why we got the test run, honey.

All right?

I still can't believe

Baby Romeo will be here in less than four weeks.

Getting to this point has been an absolute whirlwind.

[screaming]

- Whoo!

- What is that? - Oh!

[all yelling]

- Oh, I love the Poconos this time of year.

- Dude! - Oh, my God!

- To me, I thought he was gonna be the greatest husband.

Like, "Holy [bleep], I'm having a [bleep] nervous breakdown."

- Sorry, really, guys, we got engaged!

[all screaming]

- What? - Oh, my God!

- It's never a dull moment around this family.

- Oh, yeah, boat magic!

Yeah!

- I just hope everybody's having a good [bleep] time.

- Welcome to the Meatball Show.

- [bleep] it. Let's do mollies.

- To new beginnings right here.

- Big Daddy Sitch and the Blessification's

happening right now.

- [yelling] [all singing]

- Come on, y'all.

- I'm sad because you're not my friend anymore.

- You're a little [bleep] p*ssy.

- I have no [bleep] respect for you.

- [bleep] both sick.

- I'm not doing it anymore.

- Let freedom reign!

- I love a celebration this time of year.

- No, no, no, no, no! - Oh, my God!

- I'm swimming.

[upbeat music]

- Yeah, buddy!

- Party is here!

- The Situation is under construction.

- We're so classy now.

- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

- Get the frig out of here, you crazy.

- Um, hello!

♪ ♪

- ♪ I was hype, it was light in the back, back ♪

♪ Took a mic, no lights, had to write tracks ♪

[phone rings]

- Yo.

- What's up, man? What are you doing?

- Yo!

It has been almost two years now

since I DJed in front of a live crowd.

Miami, if you came to party, make some noise right now!

I've been waiting for this call, man!

And I miss it so much.

Let me find my calendar. Hold up, it's been a minute.

So getting this phone call almost two years later,

I feel like I'm getting my life back.

- Yeah, yeah, hold up. What do you got?

- What?

Now, this is how you get back to work.

So we got Miami, New York, Connecticut, Vegas.

- New Jersey?

- Oh, that's what up!

- Wow, that's a good question.

- Nikki and I's relationship, the foundation was built

off of quarantine.

- What is this?

- The code to my Ring security camera.

It's hard to date a DJ. It's that fast life.

It's a lot of shows, a lot of flights.

It's a different state every single day.

Like, I want Nikki to come on tour,

but I don't know if it's a good idea.

Appreciate you, man. Thank you.

- All right, talk to you later, bro.

- All right, later.

Oh, I'm happy now.

I love touring this time of year!

- ♪ One, two, show 'em what you got ♪

♪ Three, four, I'ma drop it like it's hot ♪

♪ ♪

- Honey? - What do you want, honeys?

- I got a scheduled date.

Only one person allowed in the operating room.

- That will be me, right?

- Yeah, but you know what they do?

- What do they do? - So they cut you open.

- And they just pull the baby out?

- No, they take all your organs out first.

- Stop it.

- And then they put all my organs back in...

- Uh-huh. - And then they sew me up.

- All right.

- ♪ Beat it down, oh, is that TMI? ♪

♪ Your eyes look so surprised, all right, I'm high ♪

♪ That's all the time we left behind ♪

♪ It's gonna be mine ♪

- It's open! - Saffa-bear!

- Oh, she's not here.

I didn't want her here for this.

♪ ♪

- Tell me.

- Me and Saffire, we're gonna get engaged.

- Bro! Congrats, bro.

You scared me, man.

- I'm thinking about doing it. - Really?

- I shouldn't say we are. I'm thinking about doing it.

- I kind of knew it was happening.

But at the same time, it is a little soon.

I'm not gonna lie.

I think that Ronnie and Saffire

have a new relationship.

They're figuring things out. She's a nice girl.

But, you know, just because someone's a nice girl,

you've been dating for a couple months, you shouldn't,

like, marry her right away for the rest of your life.

- I want to get engaged, and I want to show her

that she's the person I want to be with.

- Yeah. I always forget that,

like, engagement doesn't mean you're getting married.

- Yeah, I mean, even when you get married,

I mean, it sure...

- Doesn't mean you're getting married--

- Doesn't mean you're staying together forever.

- If there's one thing we know,

it's that marriage is not forever.

- Not forever. - No, not on this show.

[both laughing]

- We have to go to therapy. I'm gonna go to my own therapy.

You should go to your own therapy

'cause you know I've been asking you for a while

and you didn't want to go.

- Yes, master, you told me I should go.

- What the hell is wrong with you?

- Thanks for opening up my eyes.

- The fights between my husband and I have been getting worse.

Chris just wants to sit stagnant.

And he doesn't even want to really go to therapy.

I mean, he said that he'll go, but it just seems like

Chris would just sit there in limbo for as long as he can.

So...

- Yes.

♪ ♪

- He's not even trying to, like,

fix anything or mend anything.

Christopher. Christopher.

Are you even listening?!

You want this homecooked meal life,

but you go to the bathroom seven times a day.

- You knew that you didn't marry a person

that shuts the [bleep] up.

So don't think I'm gonna shut the [bleep] up now.

- Shut the [bleep] up.

♪ ♪

- Something's gotta give here.

I can't live like this.

- ♪ Everybody in here just bringing it down low ♪

♪ Baby, I'm the needle, the one you should follow ♪

♪ k*lling like the reaper and telling you lie low ♪

♪ You know I'm your idol, I got a title, yeah ♪

- We got a situation, honey.

Ronnie just called me. He said he's around the corner.

- He's here?

- He said he's on the East Coast right now.

- For what? - Maybe Saffa is pregnant.

Listen, Deener's pregnant. You are pregnant.

News comes in threes. You know that.

- Yeah, but my sister's pregnant, too.

That's the third.

- Oh, okay, well, then now things come in fours.

- [laughs]

[upbeat music]

- We'll start here on the dock. - Okay.

- I have visions. - Cool.

- Kiss my belly. - Okay.

- Give Mommy kisses.

- Can you give Mommy one kiss? - Give Mommy kisses.

- Press the button. - Oh, God.

We're gonna be here all day.

CJ, please. I'm dying down here.

Please. He's had enough.

- ♪ Give me, give me what I want ♪

- Let's do just me and Cameron. Climb up with Daddy.

Can we make sure my arms look skinny, edit it?

Thank you for dealing with Mommy and her craziness.

- ♪ I just need everything ♪

- I'm so excited for my family to be growing

from three to four.

- What's next? - I'll hide behind the tree.

And then you put your head like you're pregnant.

- No, no, no, let's--why don't we do like a normal one?

- It's just--it's a blessing.

Mommy and Daddy are being silly.

And we just can't wait for him to be here already.

- AJ, how does it look? Good or ridiculous?

- Ridiculous. - I'm going for ridiculous.

- Ridiculously good? - The boys have spoken.

We are finished.

That's a wrap on party of three.

Next will Buckner party of four.

♪ ♪

- Let's go, b*tch.

Welcome to the Snooki and Joey show.

Thank you so much for joining us.

We hope you guys got your drinks.

- I'm drinking white wine.

- We are so excited because JWOWW's in the building.

- She is in the building.

- Welcome, boo! - Hi, guys.

- This is my best friend.

I know I haven't been here for a while,

but after being with my roomies in the Poconos...

Happy birthday!

We're back. Did you miss me?

- Do you have any wedding plans right now, you and Zachary?

- I don't.

Zack and I have, like, a good baseline

of what we want to do for our wedding.

We want it to be a destination,

beautiful, and romantic, and easy.

- Still Hawaii?

- It's either that, or like Italy, or Spain.

- Spain. - You hate that idea.

- There's no gyms in Italy. - Is it because of the gyms?

I knew there was-- - There's no gyms.

I need a gym. - Cool.

- Oh.

- ♪ They copy my game, study the scenes ♪

♪ Be mad when I hit the scene ♪

♪ I'm living the dream, chasing the green ♪

♪ Be mad when I hit the scene, watch what I do ♪

♪ Look how I move, be mad when I hit the scene ♪

[doorbell dings]

- Oh, my God, he's here, honey. It's happening.

♪ ♪

- Mosey! - What up, my dude?

Good to see you. How was the flight?

- Long.

- What's the honor of this visit?

- I'm gonna just get a vasectomy.

- Oh, my God! - No.

- Yeah.

- That's so permanent.

- No, I'm [bleep] with you.

- Oh, my God, oh, my God. - Don't do that.

- I didn't know. I'll be honest.

I didn't know for a second. I was like, "All right."

- No, no, no, no, no. - "Yo, all right."

- No, I came here, you know, to ask her parents

for permission to--for me to propose to her.

- That is a huge step. - Oh, my God!

[soft music]

- I'm excited for Ron.

This is big.

I really hope that he's making the right decision.

But this could be rushed.

So, you know,

I have to hope and pray that everything goes well for him.

So are you nervous to ask the father

for his daughter's hand in marriage?

- Yeah. - So when you go into that?

- Tomorrow.

- Well, listen, if you want some company, my dude.

- Yeah. I mean, you know, of course.

- BDS, you know what I'm saying?

I'll roll through, man. - Let's do it, I'm down.

- Drive you over there, man.

- Yeah, you'll walk me to my sentencing?

- Yeah, you guys were at my sentencing, so...

- Yeah, exactly, mine now. - Might as well go to yours.

- Oh, my God.

- Holy [bleep].

Unbelievable.

- Not good. - This is not good.

- What's going on?

- Oh, God.

- There's some complications with little Romeo.

- No. - What happened to him?

- He has a fever, and it's really scary

when babies have fevers.

- Romeo is not coming home today.

[dramatic music]

- If therapy doesn't work,

I'm just looking towards the future,

so I hired a lawyer, and I got an MSA.

- What?

That means you're getting a divorce.

You're not getting a divorce, right?

♪ ♪

- What's up, Las Vegas?

You're in the mix right now with DJ Pauly D.

We back! New York City, we out here.

- I have to sage you first. - I don't need it.

- Please make sure he stops going

to the bathroom times a day.

- It's healthy.

- You dip your hair in ice cream or something?

It's sticky.

- So you take off his wet diaper.

But you have to cover his thing.

Otherwise, he's gonna pee in your face.

- Oh, wow.

- Okay, what can I binge watch now?

- Welcome to "A Trouble Shot at Love."

- [bleep]

- ♪ Money came, money go, I'm the one they looking for ♪

- Yes, sir, we making up for lost time right here.

- Nobody wants to see this. - Sage the [bleep].

- Witchcraft stick.

- See? It's stuck!

- No! - Oh, my goodness, no.

- Mosey, no. - No, get down.

- We back.

- ♪ Turn up a little bit, up too high ♪

♪ Watch me, watch me get them low ♪

♪ Round and round and round we go ♪

- Yo, it was definitely a big surprise

that you came out to the East Coast.

But I'm so happy to be driving you.

- Thank you, man. I appreciate you.

- I'm so happy to be there for you.

- Yeah, I'm a little nervous.

- You want it to come from the heart.

You want to take your time. - Yeah.

- Because if you take your time,

you'll get your words out.

- Yeah.

So I flew to the East Coast

to get Saffire's parents' approval to propose.

And I love Mike. I love having his support.

And I love having him with me,

but the nerves are kicking in right now

because this is the moment.

This is it.

This is gonna determine our future.

- You know what? She seems like a great girl.

What's her favorite pizza?

- ♪ I be on my grind like every day ♪

♪ And y'all gon' gonna shine in every way ♪

♪ Big guy, I'm a heavyweight ♪

♪ ♪

- Ayo. - Yo, what's good?

- Yo, what are you up to, my dude?

You busy?

- Nah, nah, I'm not busy.

Alexa, do you love me?

- I don't have human love figured out quite yet.

- Screw you.

- I just left the house. Nikki's at the house.

I need to go for a drive and get out of there.

- Why, are you guys fighting?

- No, we're not fighting.

But, like, you know, what's happening right now

is the world's opening back up.

You know what that means.

DJ Pauly D is back in business,

back on tour.

And it's like our relationship's been great.

Like, quarantine actually was a benefit for us.

- You know, I don't think there's anything wrong

with bringing her because we don't get

into these relationships to not be with the person.

- Yeah, and I feel like if I didn't bring her,

like, I would miss her.

I wouldn't want to leave her home.

But at the same time, it's like, all right,

but now it's taking her out of her comfort zone, too.

I don't know if she's ready for that lifestyle.

The best-case scenario bringing Nikki on the road

is that we crush it.

We make some great memories.

The worst-case scenario bringing Nikki on the road,

she can't handle it, we mess up the schedule,

we mess up my routines, and it's a bad vibe.

- [laughs]

- You know what they say, bro.

- [laughs]

[Curtis Clacey and Chris Lewis' "Recognition"]

- ♪ Recognition, I'm on a mission ♪

♪ I'm paying dues, I'm in position ♪

- All right. [bleep] it, man.

- Moment of truth, kid.

- Here we are.

- Asking a father for permission

to marry his daughter

is even more stressful and more important

than actually getting down on one knee sometimes.

- All right. - Do your thing.

- Appreciate you, see you. - All right, I'll be here.

- I'm not back in an hour, send reinforcements.

- Send help.

- I've done a lot of stuff in my life.

But I've never had to ask someone's parents

for permission to marry their daughter.

This is stressful as [bleep].

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Do you want to get plates out?

I have no idea why Ron's in town.

Here we are.

- I'm nervous. - So Laurens is on her way.

Mike is with Ron, so they're coming separate.

- It's got to be, "Hey, we're expecting,"

or "Hey, we're pregnant and I proposed."

- It's bagel time. Feel me?

Whew, don't mind if I do.

It's happening.

♪ ♪

Mmm.

♪ ♪

This is quality.

♪ ♪

Ronnie's missing out.

- Do you think she was pregnant in the Poconos?

- Was she drinking?

- I don't remember her drinking.

- Ay-yi-yi. [doorbell rings]

[gasps]

Is that them?

- Hi.

- Hey. - Hey, girl.

- Hi! How are you?

- We have pizza.

- Yeah, we didn't know what to order

'cause we don't know why Ron is here.

- Oh, my God.

I'm the only one that knows right now?

- You know why? - Yeah.

- Please tell. - I can't.

I can't. - Is it crazy?

- It is...surprising, I would say.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Get out of here. Get out of here.

Get out of here. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

No, I'm joking. I'm joking.

It was good, man.

- Yeah? - Yeah, it was good.

I spoke from my heart. - You got permissions?

- You know, and I want nothing but the best.

Yes, I got their blessing. Yes.

- Engaged, pregnant?

- Both? [doorbell dings]

Is that them?

- Oh, I think it is.

- Oh, my God, I'm nervous. What is happening?

♪ ♪

- ♪ Drink till I feel like I really can't stand up ♪

- Hi.

We're dying to know.

I tried to get it out of Lauren.

- Laurens is good with secrets.

- She wouldn't budge. - How are you?

[laughs]

Well, no, I figured, listen, I've been a part

of so many important things in your lives,

and you've been a part of so many important things

in my life, good, bad, a lot of bad.

Let's face it.

So I flew all the way here

to get the blessing from her parents

'cause I want to propose to Saffire, so...

- Called it!

Oh, my God! Pregnant?

- No, no, no, no, no. She's not pregnant.

- All right, so I was half right.

- You were half right. I love her.

She's the person that I want to be with.

- Everyone's happy that Ron's happy.

And I'll be honest, I am, too.

But there's a difference between happiness

and a full-blown commitment of marriage.

You can be happy and not rush to the altar.

- So my plan is that we're going to Cancun for a wedding.

And then we're gonna go to Tulum.

- I'll go to [bleep] Tulum. - Same day?

- I can't come to either.

- Oh, FaceTime me, honey. [laughs]

- You're not going?

- Are you kidding? - Are you crazy?

- So many awesome things happening in this family.

- Two weddings and two babies.

- Oh, my God.

- And a divorce.

[laughter]

- It's weed k*ller day, b*tches.

- Just hire a [bleep] gardener or some [bleep].

- I know 'cause you're so [bleep] lazy.

It's unbelievable.

- Two babies and a wedding. - And maybe a divorce.

- And a divorce! - And then a divorce.

- And a divorce. - And a divorce!

- Congratulations.

- I love you guys. Thank you.

- I love you. Get home safe.

- All right.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- Holy [bleep].

♪ ♪

[police radio chatter]

I'm gonna call this chooch.

- Unbelievable.

- Yeah.

- Honey, we have another situation with Uncle Ron.

He's in the news.

- No. - Yeah.

- He's been arrested in Los Angeles where he lives.

What the [bleep], man? It's really sad.

The whole thing with Ron is just so sad.

- I don't even know what to say.

It's [bleep] crazy.

- I don't even know how we're gonna handle it

going forward, you know?

- It's not good. - This is not good.

- I guess he's not gonna get engaged now.

- Oh, my gosh, that's true.

He was supposed to propose to her.

- They're probably broken up.

- So then the engagement's off?

- I guess the engagement's off. - He wanted to marry her.

- Yes, yes. - Oh, my God.

- If he needs my help, I'm here.

- I just think it's going around the same mountain

over and over again making the same mistakes.

And we know nothing changes if nothing changes.

- Exactly.

- I think you have to go to treatment.

You have to make a change.

You have to have accountability.

- Well, maybe you can get through to him

and try to get him into treatment.

Obviously, he needs help.

- Yeah.

- I mean, look at Mike.

He got help. It worked out for him.

- Yeah, but Mike, you know, like,

he's been doing it for years.

- Yeah, it's a journey.

You can't just say, "All right, I'm healed, I'm cured."

You gotta--it's a whole--

it's a lifestyle, I'll be honest with you.

- These allegations, whatever happened, are pretty serious.

He needs to take time to himself and figure himself out.

And I just hope he gets better, and I hope one of these times

that he works on himself actually sticks.

- ♪ You got it all ♪

♪ But you still say you're not happy ♪

- Try to find the good even though it's hard.

Sometimes, days, you have to look harder to find it.

- Yeah. - It's tough.

- I'm scared of losing my [bleep] daughter.

And I just don't want to go through that again.

- If you made one mistake and you move forward,

you're good, okay?

But if you make that mistake over and over and over again,

that is now a choice.

We believe in you.

Whatever your choice is, we got your back.

- I feel like here I am,

the same crying a*s b*tch Ronnie

in the same [bleep] place and the same [bleep] house.

Like...

- I'm definitely sad. Ronnie is like my brother.

You know what I mean?

And, you know, all I can do

is just wish him well and hope for the best.

All right, bro.

- All right.

- I'll let you know if I hear anything else.

- All right, bye - All right, bye.

- ♪ If you're ready ♪

- Oh, man.

- ♪ To be the one ♪

♪ It shouldn't be so complicated ♪

♪ Shouldn't be so complicated ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ Only, only you can ♪

♪ Lift me up, up ♪

- It's baby time.

You excited? You ready have two kids?

- I'm still nervous like it's our first kid.

- ♪ You lift me up, up, up ♪

♪ You lift me up ♪

- Marital...

marital settlement--bleh.

And I didn't even drink today.

Marital settlement agreement.

It's like a [bleep] tongue twister.

So I got some legal paperwork from my lawyer

in regards to my marriage.

God forbid,

if our therapy doesn't work, I want to be protected

and he also has to be protected as well.

I need to make sure that I cross my Ts

and dot my Is for the future

'cause you never know what's gonna happen.

All property acquired by either party from this agreement

to said--I don't know if that's right,

to said reca--

I want everything to be regular words.

Like, #SignThisAndYoureGood.

[laughs]

I don't know what the [bleep] this means.

But I think I know somebody that does.

So I'm gonna call her.

[upbeat music]

Oh, look at you, fancy. Look at your hair.

- My God!

- t*tties out Wednesdays.

- It's actually Monday.

- I don't even know what day it is anymore

'cause I got a million, trillion papers in front of me.

- What is that?

- This is paperwork that I just picked up

that is what's gonna protect myself and Chris

if therapy doesn't work.

I'm just looking towards the future.

I'm kind of like the "what if" girl.

What if, what if, what if...

so I hired a lawyer, and I got an MSA.

- What?

That means you're getting a divorce.

- Huh?

- I'm not kidding.

A marriage settlement agreement is

what I had in court.

It settled my agreement of marriage.

- You're [bleep] around.

- You're not getting a divorce, right?

I gotta read it. Bring it over.

♪ ♪

- This is really big.

I'm officially gonna be Big Daddy Sitch.

And to leave the hospital with the baby,

there needs to be a day-of outfit.

- I didn't pick his outfit out yet.

So if you want to show me what you packed.

- I'm gonna show you.

- I'm shocked that my husband is taking the initiative

because I usually pack for both of us.

But I'm gonna have to quality control check.

- I was thinking to bring it back for one night

and one night only,

the wedding tracksuit.

- Did you pack the baby's clothes?

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Stop acting like you don't see ♪

♪ I'm everything you won't be ♪

♪ Grew up on stage while you up in the nosebleeds ♪

♪ Smoking OG with my OG ♪

- Here's the papers.

- Angelina's signing an MSA,

a marriage settlement agreement,

meaning you're settling your marriage,

and she doesn't even know what that is?

Girl, just stop.

What is this doing for you?

'Cause this, to me, is a divorce.

And you're saying you don't know.

What about him makes you stay?

I need five things.

Five good things about Chris

that makes you want to stay with him.

- Because he's good-- - I need five things.

- He's good to the animals.

Does the laundry.

- It's like mediocre at best.

- Ugh.

- Is he a great communicator?

Do you have great sex?

- Those two things are nonexistent.

- Does he help around the house?

♪ ♪

- They shouldn't have got this tall.

- We should just hire a [bleep] gardener or some [bleep].

- You know, I could basically walk around the house

with no makeup on, like, I look like dog [bleep],

and he won't like judge me.

You get what I'm saying?

Well, he judges me in other ways, so...

- Is he judging, or is he not judging?

- %, he doesn't judge. He's funny.

- Funny. - How many more we got?

- Just one. - Oh, [bleep] my life.

- This is your husband.

- I'm [bleep] around. Let me think.

I'm [bleep] around.

Am I [bleep] around? No.

- I don't think so. - I don't know, man.

It's just been like a [bleep] show.

- You know, I think we should go to your lawyer.

- Oh, yeah, definitely. Can you come?

- Of course, but, like, in the meantime,

I really think you should try and figure out what you want.

- Is it weird that I don't, like, know anymore?

- Well... - Were you like that?

- I have a feeling I know what you want.

I just don't think you realize it yet.

- ♪ Take the wheel when it's time to shine ♪

♪ [indistinct] it's time to shine ♪

- Will you be my date tonight? - Sure.

- I have a nice dinner planned for us.

- In-house? - Mm-hmm.

- Do up. What we gonna eat, man?

- Food. Should I wear these guys?

- We're staying in the house. Oh, this is amazing.

Wow. Salut.

- Salut. To going strong.

- Kook called me.

- He did? - We are going back on tour.

But full steam ahead.

I'm talking about every single weekend.

- I feel like you've been,

like, edging to get out of here.

- I'm waiting for it, yeah.

It's about to be on a whole nother level.

- Wow. - Yep.

I am completely in my element

when I'm touring on the road, DJing.

But I don't know what I should do,

bring Nikki on the road or not.

- Like, New York, we could probably go see my dad.

Miami for sure.

Take advantage of some of the East Coast shows.

But we'll make it work. - Whoa.

I didn't say I was taking you.

["Too Lit" by ADGRMS and Dexx! Turner playing]

- ♪ Okay, here we go, nobody ♪

♪ Nobody's stopping the show, hold up, wait, wait ♪

♪ Let me get in my bag, we just too lit ♪

♪ Yeah, we about to blow ♪

[both laughing]

- ♪ Come my way ♪

♪ 'Cause you catch a bad vibe and you're MIA ♪

- Whoa, I didn't say I was taking you.

We've never been together during tour.

You think this is something that you could handle?

Come on. - Of course.

- This will be really big for me.

I've never took anybody on tour before in my life.

This is the real deal.

This is going all in, full steam ahead.

I don't know if Nikki understands

how drastically our lives are both about to change.

We're gonna go from being home to the exact opposite,

living on the road.

Nikki and I have a great thing going.

I hope this doesn't change.

Give me a kiss, honey.

- Oh. I'll come with you, my love.

- DJ Pauly D's back in business.

- ♪ Together we made it ♪

♪ And I wouldn't trade it for the world ♪

♪ Together we made it ♪

- Hi. - Hi.

- Oh, oh, my God.

- [indistinct] for a moment, okay?

- Hi, honey.

[indistinct]

Cameron is just everything I imagined and more.

He's beautiful. And it was just, oh, amazing.

- He looks just like CJ. - He looks so much like CJ.

- One push!

- You don't know if you're gonna be able

to love something as much as your first.

And then when they come, like the second comes,

I just felt that love all over again.

So it was just perfect.

- That was amazing. - Amazing.

- You're our hero! You're our hero!

- One push.

- ♪ Together we made it, we made it, uh ♪

- ♪ Yo, got more money than I ever needed ♪

♪ Got more girls than I ever wanted ♪

- Who the hell got me a vacuum?

[phone rings]

Yo, what up?

- Get my gift?

- Wait, bro, why would you send me a vacuum?

- 'Cause you suck! [laughs]

- ♪ I'm doing quite nice ♪

♪ I've been on my grind ♪

♪ Money come, money go, I've been on my grind ♪

- Make sure you're ready to go. One, hit.

One, two, go, three, four, five, six, seven eight.

My daughter is like such a good cheerleader.

I've taught Sissy everything she knows.

- I've never seen a cheerleader--

- Whoa! - Oh, my God!

- Whee! Ahh!

♪ ♪

- Her legs are rubber. - Ahh!

- Man down!

- You're such a good cheerleader.

I'm so proud of you.

- ♪ Yo, we stay lit and don't care what they say ♪

♪ Everybody get ready ♪

- I got these little shirts for us.

- [laughs]

"I am the DJ." - Yep.

- Oh, I get it, 'cause I'm the DJ.

- Mm-hmm. - I like it.

Should we wear them to the airport?

- We can if we get chilly. - What are you packing?

- I already packed. - Oh, all right.

I'm not used to being on tour with somebody else.

The schedule is jampacked.

Every coast, every piece of U.S.,

we're hitting it.

I don't know how we're gonna do it.

But we're gonna do it.

- After you, my lovely assistant.

I mean, girlfriend.

- Oh, very funny.

["Top Notch" by Dexx! Turner and ADGRMS playing]

- ♪ Call me up just big mad, a rockstar ♪

♪ Pull up with a big bag and pop off ♪

- Oh, my gosh. It's happening.

The streets know we're coming.

It is happening.

Baby Situation is on his way

whether we are ready or not.

All right, honey. Come on.

- Bye, Mosey. - Bye, Mosey.

We're gonna be back with Romeo.

- I'm just trying to breathe deeply,

and have positive thoughts and healthy thoughts,

and just go meet my baby.

Like, I have been waiting for this moment forever.

- I did the test run already and I know exactly--

- This is not a test run.

- This is not a test.

Can't turn back now, honey.

- I know. I'm already late.

- You know, I've always wanted to be a dad.

I've always wanted to have my own family.

I felt like that was the ultimate prize.

And it's happening right now.

Yeah, honey, we dropped--we made it.

- I think Mike is gonna be such a good dad.

Like, I just can't wait to see him in action.

He's such a loving, caring, supportive, like, amazing man.

And I can't wait for him to, like,

lead our family by example and just be a perfect dad.

[dramatic music]

[soft music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, I can't believe it, honey.

Look at this guy.

♪ ♪

Can you get up, honey? Are you okay?

- Yeah.

♪ ♪

- I am proud to introduce to you

Baby Situation Romeo Reign Sorrentino.

[applause] Yes.

- Yay! - Yes.

We did it, honey. - I love you, Romeo.

- Look at this guy. - Romeo.

♪ ♪

He's sleeping.

- I've had such an unbelievable life, you know,

everything from the downs...

- Are you gonna say anything, Mike?

- He got eight months. Mike got eight months.

- Really nothing to say, honey. Just take me to jail.

To my beautiful wedding...

[cheers and applause]

To me conquering sobriety and...

- Happy sober-versary!

- And now becoming a daddy.

[cheering]

- Oh, my God!

- [grunts]

It's a boy!

- Whoo! - Ahh!

- It's all been worth it, you know,

'cause I've worked hard as hell

for my happy ending, you know?

♪ ♪

Oh, honey, can I do the Simba thing?

- [laughs]

- Arts and crafts time.

Dear Deener, here is your mommy basket.

Mama juice,

stretch mark cream, nipple cream,

tasting.

You're welcome, D. Oh, Jesus.

You wh*re!

Deena's gonna love it. Oh, God.

I'm gonna fall in this box.

Let's go, Meatball.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ I'm feeling good ♪

- Honey, we got a new nurse on the board, honey.

BDS.

Okay?

And-- - BDS RN, registered nurse.

- ♪ By the way, by the way ♪

- Hi. - Hi.

- You look hot.

- Miss Pivarnick, Larangeira?

- Which one am I? - I don't know.

We're gonna see your lawyer.

Why are we dressed for a funeral?

- Are we going to a funeral right now?

I was just gonna say that.

- We're going into a porno funeral.

- Wait, can I fix your hair? Hi, how are you?

Oh, how cute.

- Yeah! - Yes, Vicki, please.

- I honestly don't know why I'm here.

Just because I got a divorce doesn't make me a pro, b*tch.

Hmm.

- Wait, I circled something for you though.

Just go to what I circled.

Yeah. - Collusion.

- Can you tell me what the [bleep] that word is?

What is collusion?

- Meaning that you and Chris are gonna come up

with your own terms outside of this.

- I thought collusion was some like political thing,

like, with the President of the United States of America,

like-- ♪ Da, da, da ♪

- I'm sorry, what? - United States of America.

- Da-da-da? - Collusion.

- Oh, got it.

- That's what I thought. - Uh-huh.

- I really did though.

- I'm sure you actually do.

I have no idea what I'm getting myself into.

- Hi. - Hello, how are you?

- How are you? You look so beautiful.

- Thank you, you too. - You look so skinny-minny.

- Did you bring backup? What's going on here?

- Hi. - Jenni.

- Hi, Jenni, nice to meet you. - Vicki.

- I've been divorced before, so--

- Oh, so you definitely have some insight.

- All right, ladies. What is happening?

- Uh...

- You know, marital difficulties,

whatever they mean to you, in the sense of, is this over?

Is it trying to reconcile?

Is it just navigating and figuring out

what is gonna happen in the future?

Is this the end?

Is it not the end? Where do you stand?

And if you don't know, it's okay, too.

- It's very hard to think about what I'm gonna do.

Like, I'm at, like, the crossroads of my life.

It's like I could take the left direction,

or I could take the middle, or I could take the right.

I don't know which way to go.

- You walk down the aisle to be happy and in love.

And look, of course, you're gonna fight and have issues,

but it can't be % of the time.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I just want to feel like that love feeling.

I don't have that anymore.

He doesn't think he needs to change anything.

He says it's all me.

And I think I have faults, but I can admit them.

But he doesn't admit any of them.

Did I ever tell you the part where, like,

when I was driving, and I pulled over in the car...

- I don't think so.

- And I had like this, like, nervous breakdown.

Did I tell you this?

So I pulled over, and I called him.

And instead of, like, comforting me,

he immediately made it about himself.

He was like, "Well, if you're not happy"...

he was like, "If you're not happy,

"then just [bleep] take whatever is making you

unhappy out of your life," and he was like,

"Well, I'll go meet a nurse or a school teacher,

and I'll be [bleep] happy with my life."

Can you imagine that?

And I was like,

"What the [bleep] are you talking about?"

I'm in the car pulled over.

I can't drive my car. I'm shaking.

"I'm explaining to you as your wife,

I'm not having a good time right now."

- I need help. - I need help.

I don't know what's going on. I'm having a panic attack.

The relationship being so bad between Chris and I

has really taken a toll on me as a person.

This is terrible.

- Yeah, listen, when you go through some tough life events

like this, it's definitely very scary

because I know you can feel alone.

- I'm like in this house alone.

[soft music]

- Is this if they dissolve their marriage?

- It's in the event that they do get divorced,

but the option is to stay married.

I'm a realist. And I believe in love.

And I do this for a living,

so I have seen people get back together

if they both want it.

- ♪ I was hype, it was light ♪

♪ In the back, back, took a mic, no rights ♪

♪ Had the right tracks, y'all are trash ♪

♪ Threw them in a damn sack, sack ♪

♪ That's a hat trick, don't trip about that ♪

- I'm gonna appreciate touring now more than ever

'cause when you take something away from somebody,

you get that back, it's only that much better.

- ♪ Yeah, we make the party jump, say something ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ I want to lay you down ♪

- Oh, my God. I've waited nine months.

Oh, how I missed you.

How I missed you at night in bed.

I cannot wait to get you in my mouth.

- ♪ That's what she needed ♪

- Mmm.

So good.

♪ ♪

- I think you have to just be like, "Listen.

"Is this working for me or not?

"Is he gonna change, do I believe,

or is he not gonna change?"

And there really is only two choices.

It's like you're both gonna work at it and commit to it

or you leave.

That's it.

- My heart goes back and forth, and it's really hard for me,

considering that I did take my vows.

It's always been hard for me to leave somebody,

let alone a marriage.

I'm very torn, very confused.

You know, regret's a big thing for me.

I don't want to have say that I regret a decision I made.

- So I think you have to have like a deadline.

- I think you're right about the timeframe.

I think I need to set a goal because if I don't set a goal,

it's just gonna keep going.

This is a really big decision to make,

if I'm gonna stay or leave my marriage.

I don't know what I'm gonna do,

but a lot of [bleep] gotta change.

- Let's do your anniversary.

- When is it? - What, November?

- November, three months.

- Are we gonna make this an anniversary for our divorce?

Or are we gonna make this an anniversary

they want to celebrate and continue another year?

[dramatic music]

- ♪ In a drop-top Mercedes ♪

♪ I just paid on a new P ♪

♪ I might take your lady ♪

♪ Pull up on her and I get away like the Navy ♪

- Hi, mamas. I know you're not home.

But I brought you guys some sandwiches.

And I'm taking one 'cause I'm starving.

But I love you guys. And I'm here for you.

[hip-hop music]

- We're here.

We're gonna put "Welcome home, Baby Sitch."

- Don't. You're gonna scratch my truck.

Oh, my God. No, we got to do welcome.

Baby Romeo is coming home.

I am on a secret mission to put up this enormous

"Welcome home, Baby Sitch" sign.

Yes. You crushed it.

All right. We did it.

Let's get out of here before they get here.

Okay? Go, let's peace out.

- ♪ You can do it, you can do it ♪

♪ You can do it, you can do it ♪

♪ Eyes on the prize, get to it ♪

♪ And the people say, good, better, best ♪

♪ And never let it rest till your good is better ♪

♪ And your better's best and the people say ♪

- What's going on?

- Oh, God, all right.

You know what?

We're not gonna be coming home today.

Out of nowhere, the baby spiked a little bit of a fever.

Things are not going as planned with the baby.

Romeo is not coming home today.

- How is Lauren feeling?

- It's been a lot on her.

So he's in one of the best NICUs in the state.

- Whatever you need, just call me, let me know, and...

- Yeah, we're gonna let the professionals

and the doctors do what they do.

I will text everybody in a little bit.

Hopefully, we bring him home soon.

But right now,

I'm really just taking things one day at a time.

- All right, love you.

- All right, love you, Mom. Bye.

- All right, bye-bye.

♪ ♪

- Words can't even describe the gravity

of the situation with baby Romeo.

But the past five to ten years, you know,

those tough times prepared me to be strong for these days.

Let me see the paws. Come on.

Let me see the other one.

Our family motto is,

"The comeback is always greater than the setback."

I have to remain positive for my wife, my family,

and we'll get through this.

Moser, come here.

Come here, Moser.

Come speak with your daddy.

God gives His toughest battles to His strongest soldiers.

And I'm a fighter, and I'm gonna fight

for my happy ending.

- ♪ Go to work ♪

♪ Come home, settle in ♪

♪ Get stoned ♪

♪ Does my life have any meaning? ♪

- [gasps]

Oh, my God.

Baby Romeo's sick. He's in the hospital.

♪ ♪

- Oh, damn.

There's some complications with little Romeo.

- No.

- What happened?

- He has a fever.

And it's really scary when babies have fevers

'cause they get really sick.

- Aw. - Poor little guy.

- ♪ I keep saying it still ♪

- Our Father, who art in heaven...

- Let's pray to St. Michael.

St. Michael, please watch over Baby Romeo.

Amen.

- Dear God, we pray that little Romeo gets home safe

to his new family and Mike and Laurens get through this.

- And he's healthy. - Mm-hmm.

♪ ♪

- And lead us not into temptation

but deliver us from evil.

- Amen. - Amen.

♪ ♪

- Amen.

♪ ♪

- ♪ Being numb, oh ♪

♪ ♪

- International waters, here we come.

This is the Keys, right?

Is this considered the United States still?

- Yes, it is. - Oh, my goodness.

- Yo, guys!

- I'm off probation!

[upbeat music]

- Here we go! - Where's my wine?

Party's here!

Welcome to the Meatball Show!

- Ahh!

- It is BDS.

But now I guess you'd say it's BDSM.

- What are you wearing? - I wear underwear now.

- Good for you. - Enrique!

- ♪ The blessification ♪

- I love a good blessification this time of year!

- Ah, it pooped on me! - It means good luck.

[dramatic music]

- Is he talking to other women right now?

- Do we need to spell all this out?

- Oh, wow. - Oh.

- This can't be [bleep] trip.

- We have a [bleep] five-month-old

to deal with, okay?

- I'm [bleep] done.

- You're a little [bleep] p*ssy.

- He came off [bleep] aggressive.

- Oh, my God!

- Side piece tells me everything.

- There's obviously beef in the streets now.

- I have no [bleep] respect for you.

- People are [bleep] judging me.

- Shut the [bleep] up. - No!

- I'm not doing it anymore.

- No, no, no, no, no.

- Oh, my God.

- Bro, if there's another dead body in this place,

I'm out of here, bro.

- ♪ Welcome to Hollywood ♪

- Oh, my God! - [screams]

- If you blow, I'll mow.

- Heard you had sex. Call me back.

- Enrique! Where's my wine?

- We're ending up on TMZ tonight.

- Yeah, buddy. - Ahh!

- I'm winded.

♪ ♪

- Oh, my God.

Someone left a note at the door.

♪ ♪

Oh, my God.

- I love you so much. I found you.

And I found you also.