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04x22 - Guido Mania 2

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Jersey Shore: Family Vacation". Aired: April 5, 2018 – present.*
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Series is a revival, sequel, and reunion series of the reality television series Jersey Shore, which ran from 2009 to 2012.

04x22 - Guido Mania 2

Post by bunniefuu »

<div>

- ♪ MTV ♪

- No, I'm putting it on the table right now.

I will not react to Vinnie starting tonight.

- What's the bet, though? - If you succeed,

Jenni goes in the pool. If you don't succeed,

then you have to run through the snow in a bikini.

- Let's watch. - Yes. Do it.

- Zack Clayton. all: Oh!

- Yo, he's very agile for such a large man.

- I know what it's like to have videos sold.

Very violating. So we were just trying to stop that.

- From now on, if you guys get anything, like,

don't circulate it amongst each other, give it to me.

- I'm sorry.

- I just want these videos and this [bleep]

to just be done with,

and I don't want to hear about them anymore.

[upbeat music]

- Yeah, buddy!

- The Situation is under construction.

- This might not have been the best idea.

- We're so classy now.

- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

- Get the frig out of here, you crazy.

- Um, hello?

♪ ♪

- ♪ Snow tubing ♪ - That was fun.

The pregnant ladies want to do early dinner.

- Yeah, let's go. Let's go change.

- All right, I'm out.

- So, back here at :? - Talked to Angelina.

- I had a conversation with Jenni before.

- Hopefully you made up with her and that's it.

- Like, I'm so over it. You're here.

I want to enjoy this. And that's it. Point blank.

- Yeah. Exactly. It's no one's business anyway.

- It feels so good to be able to tell my husband

that the [bleep] between Jenni and I is officially done.

Thank God. Moving on. Please.

- Cheers. - Cheers. I'm starving.

You ready to go?

- My God, Deeners. You look like a Christmas ball today.

- Oh, my God! - What?

- This is so rude. - What?

- Yesterday, they called me a blueberry,

and now I'm a Christmas ball.

- Oh, stop it. - Ready?

- No.

- Why do you always curl your hair? I like it straight.

- But it's my hair. - No, it's actually a weave.

- [bleep] off. - Hey, babe.

How's school been going?

- You're pretty.

- Thank you. - No one else is here?

- Not even close.

- Damn it, I'm not the first one. [bleep].

- You're minutes late.

- That's not bad. - I tried.

- Who we missing? - Ronnie.

- I texted him earlier, and he said,

"I'll catch the second group."

- Let's do it, guys. We'll be at the restaurant.

- Guys, be careful. - All right.

- All right, see you. - See you there in a little.

- I miss you.

- Not much. Just about to go to dinner with everyone.

I am really excited.

Saffire finally gets to meet the family,

but I'm also nervous because whenever anyone

brings anyone around this family,

it's just like, all right, how are they gonna act?

- Just pass the French fries. both: Oh!

- All right, I'll see you in a day.

- All right. Love you.

- We should tell them about the bet we have with Angelina.

- hours with Vinny, no reaction whatsoever.

- Uh-huh.

- If she loses, she has to go in the snow in her bikini.

both: And do snow angels.

- But if she wins, she gets to throw me in the pool.

- Babe. - Oh, wow.

- But I don't want you to go in the pool.

- So, tell Vinny to [bleep] poke the bear.

- I'm about to now.

- Lauren texts that there's a bet

between Angelina and Jenni.

And I'm like, all right, well, that's easy.

I can definitely get Angelina to flip out on me.

I mean, I could do that in two seconds.

But part of me is also like, [bleep],

I gotta get Angelina to flip out on me?

I'm tired of that [bleep].

- So, did you miss him? I know Chris missed you.

- No, I definitely missed him, but then there was, like,

things I didn't miss about him. I was like--

- Oh! - Like what?

- What about unconditional love?

What about unconditional love?

- Well, he still has the hamster tattoo, guys.

- Still got it, man.

- That's love. Once that thing's gone, then--

- Oh, Vinny. I'm above all this [bleep].

I'm good. I'm not engaging with Vinny.

I just keep thinking about throwing Jenni in the pool.

[woman screaming, water splashing]

I can't wait to do it. - Angelina,

you look like--actually, like, naturally pretty right now.

What's going on? - What the [bleep]?

- As opposed to orange and melting.

[laughter]

Like, I'll break Angelina.

I can do this in my sleep. This is nothing.

- Nikki just texted us and said that he's starting with her.

- Perfect.

- Yeah. - But she's doing good.

- But that she's doing good. - [bleep].

- But it's okay, she just needs a drink.

- Where are we eating? What--like, which one?

- What do you think? - Ooh!

- Oh, they're biting.

- They're fighting again.

Do you guys ever just talk without fighting?

- This is why they broke up.

Mind you, she was sobbing at night.

- Angelina, did you cry every night?

- I did not.

- Ooh, savage. I know Chris missed you.

You seem-- - I did. I did.

- You seem like you would miss her.

- Wait, what'd I miss?

- Angelina didn't cry once when Chris was out.

Not once. She was a savage.

- But Chris cried. - Every night.

Tears of joy.

- Oh!

Yeah! Divorce, round two!

- Shuttle van! Let's go. - All right, let's go. [bleep].

- Shuttle's here. - Angelina, that was fun.

- That was fun.

- ♪ Pull up in the whip fast like witchcraft ♪

- Thank you.

- This is so fancy.

- Oh, nice. - Ooh.

- Can we sit here, babe? - Yeah, baby.

- Hey guys, where are you? - We're over here.

- We were grilling

Angelina and Chris on their relationship.

- Grilling them. - About what?

- We were poking our nose in their relationship.

And we found out Angelina missed Chris.

- Yep. - Did you ask him to come back?

Or did he say, "I'm ready to come back."

- We were both texting. He said that I did.

- It was mutual. - But we were mutual.

- Yeah. - That smells terrible.

- It smells terrible? It smells like lobster tail.

- I hate fish. - Sorry.

- Ooh, Deena and Chris are fighting.

- Ooh, wow. That's a bad one.

- Whoa. - I hope they're okay.

- I hope he doesn't move out for a month.

- Yep.

- My God. - Right, Angelina?

- Mm-hmm.

- I can't believe it. She won't take the bait.

So I'm gonna have to take it up a notch.

Angelina. Cheers.

- Oh, thank you.

- I'm just gonna Angelina drunk.

- Cheers. - Cheers. I won't play fair.

I gotta a third one. I cannot lose.

- I got a funny story. You don't even know this story.

I found an old picture of me and Angelina.

- Oh, no. Say it ain't so.

- I put, "Living my best life" over her face.

- Oh, my God.

- It's an old picture of me and you, going out.

Just to get you mad.

- Oh, you--what a d*ck.

- That was me and you that went out for sushi.

- I was black hair. I was like, "He's on a date

with a girl with black hair [bleep]."

- She was spiraling. - That's dangerous.

Bro, what are you doing? Are you crazy?

What if Angelina saw that

and then wanted to get revenge on you,

and then she went out with another guy?

Which, I mean, I know that's exactly what happened,

but still.

- You guys doing the gym tomorrow?

- Yeah.

- So, I have some dates coming up.

I want to train during the day. You guys want to do a workout?

- Like, a wrestling workout? - Yeah.

- I want to do a wrestling workout.

- I'll go if you're gonna suplex Vinny.

- To put him through a table. - This table would be perfect.

- Do it! Do it! - I don't know

if all my roommates understand,

but wrestling workout's very hard.

People don't realize it.

- Zack's a phenomenal wrestler.

But then there's my roommates.

- [panting] - [screaming]

- Oh, my God!

- The wall! [inaudible]!

[laughter] - Oh!

- Not so phenomenal.

- But they, like, really get hurt.

- Like, what could go wrong? Everything.

Everything could go wrong.

- Vinny'd be in, like, a cast afterwards.

- Oh, my God, he would cry.

- Deena, leave me alone.

What the hell? - Oh, I didn't know you had

a whole-a*s ring. - Oh, damn!

- So, I'm a little nervous about this, like,

wrestling workout.

Ugh. Ugh. Ow.

- Oh! - Lands.

- There it is. - Ohh!

Yes! - She's so drunk.

- If I'm a little [bleep] erratic tonight--

- Don't be too erratic, though, because--

- Why? - The bet.

- Oh, [bleep] my life.

- ♪ Where my medals at? ♪

♪ I don't pedal back ♪

♪ I'm too smart to meddle

♪ Where the fellows keep the metal at ♪

- Judy, what's happening tonight, Judy?

- Oh, cool.

- We're betting on them or we're riding them?

- Oh, over there, over there, horse racing.

- Oh, cool. - Come on down, everyone.

We'll lead you over to the Pocono Racetrack here.

- The [bleep] is this? - There's actually six

thoroughbred horses on our racetrack here.

- But okay. Any activity could be fun,

as long as I have a drink in my hand.

- The way that these horse are gonna move is based

on the roll of the dice in the dice cage.

If I roll that dice cage, and there's a single one

and a double five, horse number one will move

one space down the track, and horse number five

would move two spaces down the racetrack.

And we continue to call off those dice

until one of those six horses crosses the finish line first.

And hopefully, tonight, that is your horse.

- What? What? What?

- The ticket's gonna tell you what horse is yours tonight.

All right? You're gonna come up with a name for your horse,

if you'd like to. So, we'll start over here.

- Six! - Number six! Take a moment.

Come up with a name for your horse.

- Miracle Whip. - Very nice. Here we go.

- One. - Got number one.

- Dark Knight. - Dark Knight.

One and six are gone. All right.

- Five. - Five has been claimed.

- Kryptonite. - Kryptonite.

- Right down the line.

- Two. - Two. Horse two.

- Green Machine. - Oh!

- Four. - All right.

- Grumpy Muffins.

- Grumpy Muffins. I'm gonna guess--

- Three. - Horse number three.

All right.

- Period [bleep]. - No!

- No.

- No! - I see red. I don't know.

- Come on. - What do you want to be?

- Lefty. - Left. All right.

- All right.

- Let's get started with our race.

And we're off. We have a triple play to start it off.

Number five is alive!

- Kryptonite!

- Kryptonite with the early lead!

Why did he go first? This is honestly so confusing.

- We're got three, four, and six on the outside.

- Wait, why isn't ours going?

I'm so confused.

I don't-I don't even see him picking up the dice.

- We've got a single one and a double!

- Double three. Two.

- Who do you want? - Dark Knight!

- It's a double one!

- I have no idea what's happening.

No idea.

Yay!

Is it--is it pregnancy brain?

Am I just freaking an idiot? I'm not really sure.

- Number three is at the line! - Come on, baby!

- Two! [bleep] two! - Okay.

I feel like the horses were moving as the dice were moving.

I'm, like, so--

- Yeah, that's how the game plays.

- Yeah, but I'm just so confused.

- And a double! - Six!

- Five! - Come on, Kryptonite!

- Come on, Kryptonite!

- Single six. - Yeah!

both: Come on, Kryptonite!

- And a double!

- Do it!

- What? What?

- Five!

Kryptonite takes the win!

- I don't know how.

I had nothing to do with this [bleep].

Come on, Kryptonite! The guy was rolling the dice.

But we were in the lead the whole time. I beat you...

- [bleep]. - You, I beat you,

I beat you, I beat you.

- [bleep]. - Beat you.

We k*lled this [bleep]. Such an amazing accomplishment.

- [bleep], they get a trophy too?

- Yes, Kryptonite. - Speech! Speech!

- Oh, [bleep] no. I'm just gonna step back.

I'm gonna stop.

Angelina, woosah. Woosah. Please.

- I'd like to thank God. Like to thank my mom.

And couldn't have done this--

- I want to thank his mom too. We won it.

- Kryptonite came through. Look at this trophy. We won

the Woodluck Pines Sloan Parade Best Float Award.

- Hopefully, you guys had some fun here

at the Pocono Racetrack. Congratulations to our winners.

- All right, I'm probably gonna head to bed,

but it was a lot of fun. - It was a lot of fun.

- Let's get these pregnant girls home.

- That was so much fun. - Losing was fun?

- Well, we came in third.

I didn't know what the frig was happening.

- Vinny probably paid him off. - Probably. Goodnight, guys.

- See ya. - Goodnight.

- We gotta get to bed, honey.

I know you're tired and your back is hurting.

- All right, night. - I lost the bet so far.

- You did good tonight, though.

- Oh, I'm gonna win. - You're doing good.

I must say I'm proud of you. - Oh, [bleep].

- Strangely, I'm really proud of Angelina.

She's almost about to win this bet with Jenni,

and I think she's gonna pull it off.

- When's the bet over?

- Tomorrow. - Good luck.

- Keep it up. - All right, go to bed, guys.

- Have a good one. - We're gonna go to bed.

- Goodnight. - Oh, my God. Just rest, honey.

- I am beat.

- I just realized, who's gonna sleep next to me

when Saffire gets here?

- Yeah, we're gonna have to change rooms.

- We're meeting Saffire tomorrow.

- Really? - I'm a psychic.

- I am a real [bleep] psychic, assholes.

- Whatever you predicted. - Goodnight, Ronnie.

Love you. [laughter]

- You know what I [bleep] predict?

- What? That I'm not gonna have sex?

- Yeah. - You are a psychic.

- ♪ Burning in me ♪

♪ Going to be the best you've seen ♪

♪ I'll be standing on top of the world ♪

- [yawns]

- Today should be good.

I just want to know what Zack meant by "work out."

- I'll bring my jump rope.

- Think he's gonna use you as a jump rope.

- Wake up, babe. - I'm up.

- Today's gonna be a good day, man. We got guests coming.

There's gonna be a bear sighting in the Poconos today.

- Hey, baby.

- Hey, babe.

- Well, I can't wait to see you when you get here.

Everyone is really excited to meet you.

Text me when you get there, and I will see you tonight.

- Okay. Sounds good. I love you.

- All right, I love you. Have a safe flight.

- I never leave anyway without my jump rope,

'cause you never know when you can get some good cardio in.

- Yeah, I was trying to think, like, if I was a chooch,

like, what would I do in my spare time,

and there it is.

I would tuck my pants in my socks,

and I would look up jump rope tutorials.

- Listen, I'm like Michael Jordan with the jump rope.

I'm gonna practice all day, any second I can.

- What up? What up? - How's everything going?

- While y'all sleeping, I'm jumping.

- If you were a chooch,

what would you do in your spare time?

- I probably would jump rope.

- Same. - Yeah.

- There's, like, a whole jump roping community on Instagram.

- [laughs]

[bleep] said "jump rope community."

- Look who's here. - Somebody's wifey

comin' to town! - Oh, God!

- Somebody's wifey comin' to town!

- How many wifeys does this guy have coming to town?

- Damn. - Oh, dude, it's Zack Clayton.

- The man, the myth, the legend.

- What up, my dude? - What up?

- So wait, who we working out with today?

We working out with Zack or we working out with Clayton?

- Dude, you got Clayton, man. - Yes.

- Ow! - You guys ready to work out?

- Let's do it.

- I am so pumped to work out with Zack and the boys today.

- You guys ready? - I'm ready.

- All right. I'm ready.

- Shuttle van! - Let's get it.

- I've been a wrestling fan since I was little,

so I'm very excited for it.

- Never really did a wrestling workout.

- Yo, it's gonna be a good day. I'm excited.

- It'll be fun. - Hi.

- Hi. - Hey.

- You want to do a play date? - Oh, my God, yes!

- Kids have lunch in like four minutes.

- Oh, cool. What are you gonna do, babe? Just chill?

- Yeah, we're just gonna hang out.

- Love you. Go give Dada kiss.

- Aww. - Love you.

- I love spending time with my kids and my girlfriends.

- Bye, Chris. - Come on.

- See ya. - And Lauren and Denna

get to really see what it's like to have two children.

- It's so cold. Let's go! Let's go!

- Good job. Good morning.

You excited? We're gonna do a play date.

- Thank you for making me a drink.

- Is it good? - It's so good.

The three girls, they're out and about, so today

I feel like I have to do something.

- Are we doing brunch? - Nikki and I--like,

we just have, like, a mutual bond.

Like, she gets me. All right, let me just chug my drink.

We're on vacation, so I'm gonna drink.

And Nikki, you can be my DD, b*tch. I'm not driving.

Can we go, like, create havoc over here in this b*tch?

'Cause something's gotta go down.

- Listen, I'm not creating no [bleep] havoc.

- I am.

Speak for yourself, 'cause I am.

All right, let's go.

♪ ♪

- Show you a little bit about what I do.

- You gotta show us what's up, man.

I want to see what it's like in your world.

- Let's do it. - Here we are.

- What the hell? - Oh, this is official.

- What the hell?

- Oh, it's like this, Zack? - What the--?

- I didn't know you had a whole-a*s ring.

- Oh, damn! - Got the whole setup.

- Whoa.

- I thought we was going to the gym.

This guy brought a ring.

- Did you pack that in your luggage?

- Holy [bleep].

- This is an official wrestling ring.

Like, Zack pulled out all the stops over here in Poconos.

- So, I'm excited to do this. - Yeah, man.

You ever been in a ring?

- He's been in, like-like, a crime ring.

- Anything that this guy needed, we have here.

Ropes. There's a microphone. There's even a ring bell.

[dings] - We's all good!

Look at me! - Vinny, you could probably

jump rope pretty good in here. - Oh, sick.

- Oh, [bleep]. - Look at that.

- Vinny can't jump rope good anywhere.

- You can't jump rope in the ring, man.

- Slap--yo, slap this boy for bringing in his rope, dude.

- No, I just want to say, whatever I said

in an interview that time, I was just kidding.

- Yeah. - So, I'm a little nervous

about this, like, wrestling workout today.

- Come here, Vinny. - I said some, like,

questionable [bleep] about him back in the day.

Jenni looks like she's dead.

is--like, has his hand wrapped around her throat.

It reminds me of "American Psycho."

I'm scared! I don't know if, like,

he's gonna just act like a nice guy,

but then once he's in the ring, like, k*ll me.

Ow! - You're very sensitive--

- He can't--well, he's keto.

He has no strength.

- Hopefully this turns out to be okay.

- So, you put your hand on my collar.

- Okay. - And then you grab my elbow.

- Okay.

- Oh yeah, I see this all the time.

- And that's it. Out of this, we can do a bunch of [bleep].

Like-- - Oh, damn.

- Like a headlock.

- I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it!

- Careful, that's my sidepiece! - I just enjoy

Zack manhandling Vinny.

- Oh! - Oh!

- He's like, "All right, now I'm gonna take you

and flip you-- Vinny, come here."

- Vinny, come here.

- Oh, [bleep].

- "Now, I'm gonna slam you on the ground."

- Oh, [bleep].

- "Hit you with my--" - Oh!

- And everything is just Vinny--

- He's a stripper. Take it easy.

- Yeah, I'm like, "This is great."

- What's up, Zack? What's up, American Psycho?

No! No! No! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

- There it is. - Oh!

- Yes! - Yes! Yes!

- That's the one!

- This is fun.

- ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

- Let's go in the bar. - Okay, let's go.

I don't trust you to drive.

- I'm drunk. I can't. All right, I'm gonna drive.

- No, no, no, no, no, no. No! I'll pull your weave out.

- Come on.

Why do I feel like we're gonna die?

[screams]

- Wait, where are the back-up mirrors?

[laughter]

Why do I feel like-- [inaudible] [bleep]?

You literally have to pump it.

- What are we, the [bleep] Flintstones?

- I have a need for speed!

Whoo-hoo! - [laughs]

- Is this where it is?

Sports bar. [inaudible].

- Getting drunk, b*tches. Let's go. [bleep] [bleep].

- That was fun. Can we just have a calm day?

- No!

♪ ♪

- Round one. Fight. [ding]

- Yo, what's up, Zack? What's up, American Psycho?

No! No! No! I'm sorry!

I'm sorry! I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it.

- Why didn't he just pick you up effortless, dude.

- Like Greyson. [laughter]

- I'm gonna show you

how they fall--like, how we fall.

It's called a bump. I'll do it right here.

- Oh, my God! - [bleep].

- So, you want to land feet down, hands down,

arms out straight. My head is tucked.

So, don't hit your head on the mat.

- Oh, my God, it sounded like he [bleep] slammed.

- If you guys think you're ready, try one standing.

- Yeah! - Nice fall.

- Yeah!

- And of course he hits his head.

- Sounded like a bunch of towels fell on the floor.

- Can I have Tito's and club with a lime, please?

Thank you. Someone's gotta drink in this b*tch.

That's all I know. Because no one's drinking,

and we're on vacation.

I need this right now. I feel like I'm at a real bar.

When you're on vacation, all I think is--like,

a light bulb pops on in my head and goes,

"I'm gonna get [bleep] up."

♪ ♪

- Are you drunk right now? - [burps]

- I mean, I'm on vacation.

- I love learning new things, so that was cool.

- Yeah, that was cool. - Thanks for teaching us, man.

- Yeah, man. I'm thinking we could set

something up later. - Yeah, like a match?

- I think we got-I think we got the basics to do a match.

- All right. - Well, we have-we have--

- We'll get Buckner for be the ref.

- Oh, Buckner looks like a ref. - Yeah.

- Yeah, he does, he does, he does,

he does, he does, he does. - I think Angelina's Chris

can be, like, the manager ringside,

like buh, buh, buh, buh, right?

- "Come on [inaudible]

[bleep]. What the [bleep] are you doing?"

- We need an announcer.

Someone that is experienced with--

- Loud. - Yeah.

- Obnoxious. - Yeah.

Who do we know that's loud and obnoxious,

and that would do something like that...

- Besides Pauly. - And that's always available?

- I don't want to say-- - Oh, yeah.

Your world's favorite uncle.

He's always available, and he loves vacation.

- He would be a hilarious ring announcer, though.

Uncle Nino it is.

- I hate doing this, and asking you for stuff.

I know you're a really busy guy.

But we have a little, like,

wrestling match planned, and we need an announcer.

- [bleep]. - Exactly.

- Yeah, well, there's hot tubs and stuff,

so you can bring your Speedo.

- Okay. All right. - "And some grub."

- All right, so yeah, just head up here.

I'll send you the address.

- All right.

- You know why I love Uncle Nino?

- He's always down. - Yeah.

- He's always down. - Doesn't matter what it is.

- It's happening. I love it when a plan comes together.

- That's right.

- I think we do what's called an elimination tag match.

It'll be three on two. One will be me and Ronny.

- Versus us three? - Yeah.

- Okay. - I thought it'd be cool,

maybe we can get Greyson involved somehow.

- Yeah. - Oh, yeah!

- Have Greyson running out. - Yeah, I think that'd be cool.

- Great [bleep] idea. - Yeah.

- Fighting Greyson. - Vinny [inaudible].

- "Greyson's going down!" - Yeah.

- Ooh. How cool. Aww, so close.

- Ahh! - Oh, my God.

- I'm winded. I'm winded. - Wee!

- This is what you have to look forward to.

- Deena. Did Chris tell you what the boys were doing today?

- Oh yeah, he decided not to do it.

- Oh.

- He's a smart man. - Mike's all about it.

- Mike's hyped. He loves wrestling.

He's loved it since he was little.

- How do we start it? - So, we can lock up.

Like, do the thing. And then go back.

So, this is called a whip. Irish whip. Take-take my arm.

Like this. Go.

Duck one.

Then I'll hit you here. Boom.

You fall. And then I'll pin you right there.

Gotta bring your jump rope in here.

Part of your character.

- Is that your-is that your move?

- Yeah, I gotta bring [inaudible].

- Yeah. - I can use it on people.

I can choke them out and [bleep]?

- I mean, if that's what you're into.

- [all speaking at once]

- Somebody come in with scissors.

- I lose all my power.

- Then I'll come like this. - Yep.

- Slide back. That's a pin right there.

- Wait, no, what about the rope?

You gotta-you gotta tie me up with it.

- Oh, okay. [laughter]

- [bleep]. - This is sick.

I want Zack to pin me and then tie me up with my jump rope.

- I'll tie you up with it.

- I mean, not like a kinky way or anything.

- Pin you right there. So, then you'll be eliminated.

- And then I have to get in. - And then you just walk in

- I'll just roll in here. - And I'll attack.

- I know I'm a freak, but I don't want to be tied up.

[whip cracks]

- And you gotta tag in Mike.

- You want to be a good guy or a bad guy?

- Ooh. - Ooh.

- I'll be honest with you, I play a really good bad guy.

- All right, Ronnie, let's go. Rematch.

- Here we go. - Oh, wait [bleep] [bleep].

You realize how legendary this is right here?

He's been waiting for this moment for ten years.

- Yeah. - Right now, I'm getting

flashbacks to Mike slamming his head into the wall.

All I see is him screaming, going,

"I don't get involved in your relationship, Ron!"

I love rematches this time of year.

- Oh, [bleep].

- I've been waiting for a very long time for this rematch.

He is gonna be the one to wear the neck brace this time.

- Come at me, bro! - My comeback is not complete

until I take you out.

You say... both: "Come at me bro!"

- Well, I'm coming at you, bro! - Ooh, that's-that's real.

Watch your head. Watch your head.

- Let's go. Watch your heads. Don't head butt each other.

- Don't head butt.

- Oh, damn! - Come on, Mike.

Mike, you been waiting for this moment all your life.

- Oh, [bleep]. - Oh, sick!

- Oh! - Oh!

- Oh, my God! That was sick!

- Damn.

♪ ♪

- Ooh, that's real. Oh, damn!

Mike, you been waiting for this moment all your life.

- Oh, [bleep]. - Oh, sick!

all: Oh!

- Oh, my God! That was sick!

- Damn. That was intermediate

- That's a little advanced for me.

- That was advanced. - I think the whole idea

about putting on a wrestling show--I think it's pretty cool.

It's something we've never done.

You know, we always fought.

You know, that's what we did for years, is fight,

so it's like, might as well just wrestle. Let's try it out.

- I need some aspirin. I need some aspirin.

- Let's get in, boys. - Do it.

- All right, let's get it. - R.

- S. - V.

- P. - Z.

all: GuidoMania! - Whoo!

- That was fun. - That was. Yeah.

- It's gonna be good. - It's gonna be good.

- ♪ You see the fighter in me ♪

♪ Hey, I'm a fighter ♪

- Angelina frickin' is doing so well with that bet.

- [bleep]. - I know. I was impressed.

- Honestly, I think it's because she wants

to just throw you in the pool so bad.

- I thought there was not a shot in hell that Angelina

would last this long, let alone be doing this well.

I'm like, "Why can't you behave yourself regularly?"

- It's like my kids. - Yeah.

- Like, if there's an incentive,

they'll behave themselves.

- Look, Grandma's here.

Thank you for coming. We're gonna go grab coffee.

♪ ♪

- I need this right now. I feel like I'm at a real bar.

- Quarantine is probably the worst thing for you.

- I'm like a [bleep] caged animal in this [bleep].

- It's like a blessing in disguise for...

- Yes and no.

- Some people. - No and yes. Yes and no.

No and yes.

- You know? Especially when you're usually, like, busy.

Like, Pauly, for instance, he's always on the road.

There's a lot of stuff that he's never really gotten to do.

Like, at the house, our time there has just been, like...

- Just chilling. - Fixing stuff. Ordering stuff.

- How did you move in?

Like, how did, like, that even happen?

Like, so you guys were, like, dating.

- There wasn't any, like, "Sit down,

let's talk about this. What is the next step?"

It was just me going back and forth,

and I would keep my stuff in my-in my suitcase,

just, like, in the closet.

And he'd be like, "Oh, put that in the drawer."

And I'd be like, "What?" He wasn't even like...

- Wow. -

"Hey, would you be my girlfriend?"

We just have-- I don't know. It works.

- You have, like, an understanding.

And you guys...

- Yeah. - Get each other.

Nobody's ever seen Pauly like this.

- Yeah?

- What about him going back on tour?

Like, you know he's gonna go back on tour.

- Yeah. When he's on tour,

he checks in with me without me even asking.

- And there's trust involved. - There's trust.

I don't really--I'm not really concerned with what he's doing,

because he's not, like, a shady person to me.

- Right now, Nikki and Pauly's dynamic

is trillion bazillion

times different than Chris and I's dynamic.

Like, Chris and I are always going at each other.

The resentment's there.

But then the non-trust is there as well now,

because he moved out.

What you guys are doing is so different and good,

and I feel like it's better to keep everything

between you two.

- Stay away from social media. - I've been saying.

I was like, "You run to social media, Chris,

and you gotta stop doing that."

- Even last night, when he was like--he put, like, some--

- He [bleep] put, "Living my best life"

over my body.

We have a lot of work to do when we get home. A lot.

♪ ♪

- Kind of want a protein shake. - That's a good idea.

[all sighing]

- What a day. I feel very accomplished.

- Hey. - Hi.

- Hey. - How's it going?

- How is everyone? - We're all a little beat up.

- Yeah, how was it today, guys? - It was fun.

- You all actually participated?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, me and Ronnie have a big match tonight.

- Yeah? - Big match.

- Really? - Yep.

- Yeah. it's a rematch.

- Rematch from Italy. - Yep.

- You've actually convinced them all to do it?

- We're rasslin' tonight.

- We put together a whole thing.

- A lot of good stuff tonight.

- I feel like this is a recipe for disaster.

My roommates are old.

You're gonna break one of their bones.

- Anybody go through a table, or--?

- Not yet.

- Not yet? This is not gonna end well.

- Chris, you're the referee. - That's so cool.

- Angelina's Chris is gonna be, like, the manager.

- The jabroni. - The jabroni.

He's the jabroni around the ring.

- Where's Nikki? - I don't know.

- We were with the kids. I didn't see her today.

- Maybe she's with Angelina.

- Maybe. - I'll let him know.

- Mr. Bartender. Can I have a to-go cup, please?

- Do you really need to take that?

- A b*tch gotta drink.

Someone's gotta [bleep] turn up in this b*tch.

'Cause I'm [bleep] on vacation. I'm spitting.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to spit.

- Did you--"say it, don't spray it."

- You're my girl. Like, you ride me around.

You want to [bleep] drive me.

- What? I want to drive you? Are we going steady?

- All right. We're going steady.

Cheers. We're going steady, b*tch.

- No. - Get the [bleep] out of here.

I'm making you cheers me, [bleep].

♪ ♪

- Hey, guys. Greyson.

Hi! Hi!

- What is all of this stuff? - This is a super big surprise.

Zack is having a huge wrestling match tonight

with Uncle Mike and Vinny and Pauly and Ronnie and everybody.

What we have to do is we have to make the championship belt.

You want to do, like, GLO paint first?

- Nah. - You're gonna take over?

- Yeah. - Okay.

- I'll call for you if I need help.

- All right. I am obsessed, Meilani.

- Do you have to go pee or no? - I can wait here.

- Do you have to go? - No.

- All right. - I'm potty-trained.

- I'm not. I've peed many times in my pants. I'm just saying.

I feel like this is a good lunch, and we had fun.

- Yeah. - And we always vibe.

- Mm-hmm. - Even since I met you,

me and her have--we've always [inaudible].

- We're cool.

- Can I have a Tito's and club, please, to go?

- Like, we're good.

- Why are you looking at me for validation?

You're like, "We've been cool, right?"

- [bleep] you, b*tch.

- Can't you just say that we're--

- We're good! I'm just saying--you [bleep]. Thank you.

- You have one. - Oh. No.

- What do you mean, "no"?

- I'm drinking-I'm drinking for ten people.

- She's like, "We're good, right?"

Like, what? - [bleep] off.

- Anyway, this conversation...

- [bleep] off. - Is already too long.

Let's go.

- Whoa. - [laughs]

You are drunk.

- [bleep] Lord. Thank you so much, driver.

My ba*ls are [bleep] freezing. Thank you for the [bleep] wine.

Looks like the [bleep] "Shining,"

I swear to God. Vinny!

- MVP versus the world, baby! You're going down!

- We're part of the WGE--the World Guido Entertainment.

- One. Two. Three. all: GuidoMania!

- ♪ Haters taking shots like a night club ♪

♪ Drop never seen it with the top on ♪

- Yo, Chris! - Yeah.

- Where the [bleep] are our girlfriends?

- I have no clue. - Why are you still drinking?

- They've been done all day.

I'm thinking that they went, like, bar hopping.

- Cheers to the [bleep] Poconos, living life.

- Who knows... - Oh, God.

- What those two got into? - Oh, my God!

[laughter]

- We're here.

- I needed that laugh, man.

I'm dead.

- Well, well, well, look who it is.

- Hi, guys. - Wouldn't you like to know?

- What'd you guys do all day?

- We did a play date with the kids.

- Oh, nice. - All the kids?

- Where's the boys?

- They did their wrestling thing.

We're doing--they're doing,

like, a whole show tonight for us.

- They are? - Wait, what?

- Yeah. - What'd you guys do before?

- We had a wrestling lesson from Zack.

In the ring. Everybody's getting ready for it right now.

- Sneaks on.

- Are you being character already?

- Mm-hmm. - So, it's gonna be

a whole show? - So, the four boys

are gonna be, like, the main event,

and then all of us are gonna be watching.

- We have outfits and everything.

- Oh, yeah? You guys are nuts.

- I was a wrestling DJ. - There was Jake the Snake,

and then there's Vinny the Rope.

- What'd you pick your name to be?

- I've traveled back in time

to be The Situation one last time.

- Mike and Ronnie are gonna have, like, a rematch.

- Oh, [bleep], that's pretty fun.

- Just kind of hope you could be, like, in the corner,

coaching all of us.

- Yeah. [inaudible]. Sounds like fun.

- Chris is gonna be the ref. - I just peed a little bit.

Sorry. [laughter]

- She's so drunk.

- If I'm a little [bleep] erratic tonight--

- Don't be too erratic, though, because--

- Why? - The bet.

- Oh, [bleep] my life.

- How you feel about getting body slammed tonight by Zack?

- I mean, we were practicing everything,

and then the most intense move

you could do--he's like, "I got this. Don't worry."

- There it is. - Oh!

- Yes! - I was not expecting

to be suplexed like that, whatever, though.

I'm here to put on a good show, whatever I gotta do.

- All right.

- Yeah, I'm gonna be half-naked being manhandled by men.

- So, it's like your Saturday evening.

- Like Chippendales.

- Baby. - Oh, look who just walked in.

- Hey. - Oh, God. What's that drink?

- What did you girls get into [inaudible]?

- Oh, my God. - You look like a snow bunny.

- So, tonight's gonna be interesting.

- Yeah. It's called GuidoMania. - This is gonna be really fun.

It's gonna be the best not ever.

- Chris, meet us at the main suite at the [inaudible].

- All right, cool.

- All right, see you guys in a little bit.

- All right. - Did you practice enough?

- You know what, honey, I don't think I need

to practice to be my former self.

- I meant, like, safety practice in wrestling.

- Safety? Honey, we've been practicing all day.

Relax and enjoy the show.

- Oh, my God. You're about to be a dad.

Don't do anything stupid. - Don't worry.

- So, like, please don't hurt yourself.

- I'll see them laters. Love you.

- Okay. Love you, too. Be safe.

- What up, man? - GuidoMania.

This [bleep] sold out.

- What's up, jabroni? - What up, bro?

We thought you were gonna be late like Angeleeners.

- Nah. - Oh, look who it is.

- Old Situation!

- [all speaking at once]

- The glasses gotta come down a little.

- There you go. There it is. There it is.

- Oh man, I'm getting [bleep] flashbacks.

- Listen, I have traveled back in time

to face my frenemy here.

[laughter]

- Well, what are our names?

- You guys should pick your names.

- I'm going Ron Page. - Yeah.

- Oh, [bleep].

- I was thinking the Keto Torpedo.

But I have my rope,

so I guess the rope could be the Keto Torpedo's thing.

- Yeah. Exactly.

- I'll be honest, you probably could stick with just Pauly D.

- I know, right? - Well, fellas, shuttle's here.

- Yeah. - All right, let's do this.

- Shuttle's here. - Let's rassle.

- Deena? - Yeah.

- Oh, she's in here. - Hi. Look at that outfit.

- My wife's like, "Don't hurt yourself."

- Greyson, are you excited for wrestling? Oh.

- Yeah? - It'll be fun.

- You want another Bailey's?

- You gonna have one with me?

- Yeah. - Yes!

She's gonna give me a Bailey's on the rocks.

Doing it up. I feel like I'm gonna be like this.

- What is with you? Are you, like--?

Can you imagine

if I was the bartender and this b*tch shows up to my bar?

- I walked up to the bar, and I'm like, "b*tch"--I put

my leg up on the bar, like... - I would call you a cab.

- "Yeah, can I have a Bailey's? Thank you."

- Now, I know how bartenders feel.

- [laughs]

- Welcome to the first ever GuidoMania Poconos Edition.

- This is sick.

- It's the one place where I am myself.

- Tonight, it's GuidoMania, the first ever in history,

and it's gonna be lit.

- What you got? - Yeah!

- There we go. - Wardrobes here.

- This is gonna be awesome! Sick! I'll take these. Sick!

I'll take this. Where did my shorts go?

- What goes on under the onesie?

What about a cut?

- Here's Vinny's jock right here.

- Oh, okay. - Yeah.

- Yeah.

- You know, I actually came prepared,

so I really don't need much.

- I like this mask. I'm picking out the outfit

that really exemplifies and speaks to the Keto Torpedo.

How you doing? I'm the Keto Torpedo.

This outfit is perfect.

- Wow, Mike is [bleep] taking this [bleep] serious, bro.

Damn Ronnie, you're in trouble, bro.

♪ ♪

- Thank the [bleep] Lord. Thank you so much, driver.

My ba*ls are [bleep] freezing. Thank you for the [bleep] wine.

Yogi Bear! Thank you, Yogi Bear.

Yogi, I got [bleep] icicles on my ba*ls.

[phone ringing]

- Hey.

- I might need help getting her there.

- GuidoMania, b*tches. GuidoMania night.

- I'll see you guys there, 'cause I can't.

I'm about to [bleep].

- Oh yeah, she's losing this bet.

- [laughs]

- Come here, Vinny! Ah. Ah.

Looks like the [bleep] "Shining," I swear to God.

Vinny! I love it! Ah! What the [bleep]?

I'm making love to the fireplace.

Smells like my farts. Ah. Ah.

Oh, a big [bleep] red c*ck. What the [bleep]?

Ah. Ah. Thank you, fireplace. Ah.

- Should I just chug it though? - Do whatever you want.

Come on. - She had a meatball day.

- That's exactly what we needed.

- Angelina. - [inaudible]

[bleep] where the [bleep] are you?

- Are you here? - Yeah, I'm here.

I just got here.

- All right, listen, tell your driver

to come to the nightclub.

- Nightclub? We're going dancing?

- You'll see when you get here. Just come to the nightclub.

- Did you just keep drinking after I saw you?

- Yeah. - Uncle Nino, over here.

Clint Eastwood, let's go. Come on, use that cane.

- Don't judge me tonight, people.

If I saw dumb [bleep], just let me live.

- Girl, I say dumb [bleep] every day.

- Girl, we see you saying dumb [bleep].

- I mean. - How was the drive?

- I thought I was in Coney Island

for the past three [bleep] hours.

- All right, listen, listen. You have a very important job.

We need you to be the ring announcer.

The problem is that you have to talk.

- All right. [stammers]

[laughter]

- Just like that.

- This is not gonna go well.

- Do you know everybody's name here?

- I [bleep] remember. - Uncle Nino has

the attention of a goldfish on crack.

You can read, right? - Yeah, yeah. Sometimes.

- You can't give this guy direction.

He's gonna do his own thing.

So, what are you--what's your name? What are you doing?

- I'm the announcer. - Yeah, you are.

- He's gonna be drunk.

So, this is gonna be a disaster.

So, just get comfortable.

And just hang out. Make yourself at home, and--

- Take your time. Hurry the [bleep] up, okay?

♪ ♪

- Oh my gosh. - Think it looks good.

- How's this thing work?

- We look pretty legit in our costumes

right now, except for Vinny.

- You look like an idiot. - Let's go!

- He looks like a chooch, but that's his role tonight.

- Oh, guys, don't forget the baby oil.

That's what we do in Chippendales before the show.

- Gotta get them shoulders to pop.

- Yeah.

- Yeah! - Yeah!

- Yo, can you get my a*s?

[laughter]

♪ ♪

- That's the winning belt tonight?

- You did? - We made the belt.

- You made that? - Ready, bro.

- Watch out. Watch out.

- Is everybody ready?

- I am ecstatic for tonight.

- Look at all this food. - This all looks so good.

- They looks great. I'm excited for this show.

- I know. Where are the boys at?

- How you doing? I'm the Keto Torpedo.

Zero grams of carbs, grams of [bleep] whoopass.

- Guys, stop [bleep] around. - Bro, you look like a guy

that dressed like Pauly D for Halloween.

[laughter]

- We're part of the WGE--the World Guido Entertainment.

- MVP versus the world, baby! You're going down!

- What's up, my guy? What's up, my guy?

- I traveled back in time to face my arch nemesis.

- Have a cup of shut the [bleep] up.

- Everyone wants me to be Big Daddy Sitch,

but I gotta be The Situation one last time.

What you gonna do when the Situation Nation

comes down on you?

- What's up? It's your boy, DJ Pauly D.

- The first ever DJing wrestler.

Normally I'm in the club, serving up the beats,

beating up that beat.

But today, I'm beating up your face.

- I am the Keto Torpedo. I will cut you like an avocado.

Coming for you, boy. I'm quick as [bleep], boy.

I'm still quick as [bleep], boy.

[laughter]

- Mike's waited ten years for this--

to fight the wall, not me.

So I'm gonna do what the wall would do--not say anything.

- Silent but deadly. - Silence is deadly.

- I just quit my job as their barber,

but now I'm their referee.

There's a lot of hostility in here.

I want to see a nice, clean, fair fight.

No low blows. maybe some [bleep] jobs.

[blows whistle] [laughter]

- What the [bleep]?

♪ ♪

- Uncle Nino! - My ladies are here.

I love you, love you, love you. Mwah.

My little-little rock star.

- Oh, my God.

Uncle Nino, looking like a G.

- Uncle Nino, are you the host? - I'm the announcer.

- Oh, all right. all: Yay!

- What the [bleep]?

- Earmuffs. - There's children here.

- Oh, my God. I need double earmuffs

for both my kids while Uncle Nino is talking.

- One, two. One, two. One, two, four.

That's three. What the [bleep]?

- Dropping every F, B, C, D, E, F, G b*mb out there.

- I'm sorry, Meilani.

- Don't say the F word. - All right, guys, bring it in.

- This show--I mean,

the [bleep] show-- is about to happen.

- GuidoMania on three.

- Let's get ready to rumble.

all: GuidoMania!

- MVP versus everybody! Whoo!

[all screaming]

- [shouting]

- The bearcation has officially started.

- Whoo! - [screaming]

[all shouting] - Oh, my God!

My roommates are not wrestlers.

[all shouting]

You're gonna break one of their bones.

- Come on. - Mike and Ronnie

have pent-up aggression for many years.

This fight might turn real.

- Mike, do it! [all shouting]

- Oh, no!