06x09 - Bigger and Badder

[bunniefuu]

]

no, no,
I'm going the wrong way.

[playful music]

[man]
that'll work, jay, yeah!

Come on back, get another.

Jay, what are you doing
over there?

Be careful, jay!

[clattering thuds]

-oh!
-No!

[jay]
tonight, on jay leno's garage...

[chortles]

go big or go home.

What have I gotten myself into?

[jay]
'cause we're gonna go bigger
and badder than ever before.

[bob]
it's a giant piece of machinery
underneath me.

[jay]
you've got big boys.

Victory!

Ick] [jay]
I was born for this, baby!

[jay]
with even bigger
and badder toys!

I just feel like you look good
driving my car.

Nothing wrong with that.

[jay]
so come out and play.

-You're in trouble, jay.
-I am in trouble.

And be prepared
to be blown away!

Hold it! Hold it!

Because these monsters
really mean business.

Beat that, mother...!

-Whoo!
-Beat that, mother...!

[clapping]

[birdsong]

the name of this episode
is bigger and badder, okay?

So I'm sitting home one day,
enjoying a littlute,

and I see this badass
calling me out.

[rick]
jay leno,
it's the boss, rick ross.

This is an official callout,
baby.

You feelin' me?

Where your bel air collection
at?

You feelin' me?

Maybe you wanna do
the impalas, jay.

I know what you wanna do.

You wanna pull out
your mustangs.

How many I got to choose from?
I don't know.

You let me know how
you want to do this, jay.

Well, it turns out
it's none other than rick ross.

So I took his challenge.

I invited him here today!

Yo, ross, saw you callin' me out
on youtube, man.

You got some cars?
I got cars.

Let's line 'em up, buddy.

Let's see what you got.

[engine revs]

[hip-hop music]

-very nice!
-Jay, jay, jay.

[jay]
rick ross is a bona fide boss

who has hustled his way to
the top of the billboard charts.

When he's not rapping
or calling me out on youtube,

he's running his
grammy-winning record label,

maybach music group,

and writing bestsellers like
his debut book, hurricanes.

This guy is the epitome
of a baller and a shot caller.

[jay]
it's good to see you,
my friend.

[rick]
great to see you,
my friend.

Tell us what we have here.

[rick]
this is the one of one,
'57 renzel,

built by a close friend of mine,
freddy '57.

[jay]
and they call him freddy '57
for good reason,

because this '57 chevy is big
and bad to the bone.

Its custom interior and tires
are easy on the eyes,

t'the 1100 horsepo
percharged small-blo v8

that really grabs you by--
well, you know.

It's a family show!

[rick]
you know, we had this etched in,

the '57 renzel on the caliper.

[jay]
and obviously,
you just raise it up

when you drive it
on the street.

Ay nice.
We have those sh,
well, this ia autiful car.

[rick]
you know,
I love american-made cars.

Right. Well, this is
a gm car.

Ooh!

[jay]
but not just any gm.

The '66 toronado was
oldsmobile's answer

to the buick riviera
and the pontiac grand prix.

This hot rod version has
twin turbochargers

and a corvette transaxle

and has been converted
to rear-wheel drive.

Because you can't really
put 1,000 horsepower

through the front wheels.

[groovy music]

[rick]
ooh!

[jay]
so what we got here
is a 427 chevy

with twin turbochargers.

Each turbocharger has
its own cooling system.

Now, see, I know you wanted
to race these two

against each other.

[clapping]

let's go, jay.

[jay]
but see, that wouldn't be fair,

because what would
happen is...

-I understand.
-...This would crush you,

and then the tears would start,

and then you'd lose
the street cred.

They'd go, "rick ross,
he's bada--no, no,

a 70-year-old comedian
with white hair beat him out."

"what?"

let's get two equal cars,
a couple of hellcats.

We'll see who can do
the best burnout with those.

-You sure you wanna do that?
-Yeah, yeah.

[rick]
'cause, jay,
I'm not gonna spare you

-when I get behind the wheel.
-That's fine.

[rick]
I'mma do you dirty, jay.

-No, that's fine.
-I'mma do you dirty.

[jay]
I know, I know, I know...

[clapping]

-I don't doubt that.
-You accepted my challenge!

[jay]
I accept your challenge.

[high lonesome music]

you know, everybody's into
off-road vehicles now.

That seems to be the thing.

But this is the original
off-road vehicle.

Now, this one is 1942.

This was built under license
by ford.

And it was definitely
built to last.

Basically bulletproof.

Which is why our brave soldiers
in world w*r ii

made good use of its
sturdy 4x4 capability

and hefty 660-pound payload.

[dramatic music]

I'm meeting a friend of mine,
very funny comedian.

He's also the dirtiest comedian
I've ever heard in my life.

Come on, let's go meet him.

[horn honks]

-hey, bob!
-Hey, jay.

I've been waiting here,
like, an hour.

[jay]
you may know him best
as danny tanner

on the smash sitcom full house,

but bob saget is full
of other talents, too.

He's also a hollywood
game show host

and as a stand-up comic,
he's one of the funniest

and raunchiest out there.

-I'm happy to see you, man.
-It's good to see you,

it's good to see you,
my friend.

[bob]
it's, like, 140 and I wore
this jacket to look cool,

'cause I heard about this.

Have you ever seen
anything like this?

[bob]
this is one of
the most amazing things.

It's called the apocalypse.

-The apocalypse hellfire.
-Hellfire.

Six-by-six.

Made to withstand
a zombie attack,

the apocalypse hellfire 6x6
is a mega monster

of an on-
and off-road vehicle.

Its features include a
six-wheel all-wheel drive train,

eight-speed
and 500 extremely angry horses,

under the hood.

This high-performance beast
really puts the b

in bigger and badder.

I think you'll like it.

It's got infrared cameras
up there.

[bob]
right, so I could see
through stuff

-if it was nighttime.
-Right.

They're all handmade,
they make 'em one at a time,

and this is number 78.

Is it made by one guy,
just one hand?

[jay]
well, no, no, there's
a lot of two-handed people,

a bunch of 'em there.

[bob]
and this goes up
to six-wheel drive.

It's in six-wheel drive
right now, so.

-Which is great for me.
-If you get stuck in this,

it's your fault,
because I'm driving this.

We won world w*r ii with this.

With this, we could actually
beat other planets.

Are you ready
to go for a ride?

[bob]
I can't wait.

hold it! Hold it!

[metal crunching]

[engine rumbling]

you just crushed
all the equipment.

-I did?
-Yeah.

Holy ...!

-That's all right.
-It's not all right.

I'm a ... Idiot,
I'm so sorry.

[jay]
we wanted to find
the one place in l.A.

Where you couldn't
hit anything,

but we missed.

[chuckles]

how do you like off-roading,
what do you think?

I love it.

It gives you a sense
of adventure and power.

I mean, it's a giant piece
of machinery underneath me.

Step on it,
see how it goes.

[engine revs and roars]

[chuckling]

[jay shouts]

[bob chuckles]

[engine roars]

[bob]
this thing can go
fast really quickly.

This thing can't.

My tires are, like,


[bob]
yeah, I'm looking at 'em,
they look like

-they won the w*r, though.
-They look like

they lost the w*r.

[laughs]

[jay]
I said in the intro
how your act is nothing like

your tv persona, is it?

I think I'm getting
closer to being like that,

because how the world's changed,

I pretty much do like
my danny tanner character

and I dust off
the stool on the stage

and I spray the mic,

-so I'm much cleaner, I think.
-Right, right, right.

I am changing,
as we all are,

but I always looked up to you

for the way you always did
stand-up, jay,

when I met you
back in 1976,

-for god's sake.
-Yeah, that's a long time ago.

-Yeah.
-It is funny.

We all did mike douglas
and merv griffin,

but you weren't
officially in show business

until you did
the tonight show

with johnny carson.

That's the first show
when you were officially

-in show business, isn't it?
-Right. He was very kind to me,

as you were.

I remember one time
I was promoting

a movie I'd made called
farce of the penguins,

and your producers put
a penguin on my lap.

-I remember that.
-It was literally

a live penguin,
which I'd never held,

on my lap,

and I said, "this is
the poster for the movie,"

'cause it was
an r-rated movie.

[jay]
yeah, right.

So what do you got
coming up next, bob?

[bob]
I did this movie
during quarantine

in the cayman islands,

and it's called
k*lling daniel.

It's this movie with
really good people in it.

Joel david moore
and jason jones

and carly chaikin
and mary lynn rajskub,

and iggy pop!

It's kinda like knives out
meets succession.

[jay]
oh.

I'm gonna open her up.

[hard rock music]

I feel very empowered.

You know, I don't curse a lot
in my daily life,

or even in my work
much anymore,

but this is ... .

This ... ...,

this is so much ... Fun.

There's the bob saget I know!

Yeah, ... ... ... .

Here's ... .

Whoa!

Ow, my ba*ls are ... .

I really appreciate,
thank you for having me on.

Thank you so much, bob,
for being a part of the show.

[engines rev and roar]

coming up:

Noo!

Fluffy and I go a little crazy

with some
construction equipment.

I'm not sure
what I'm doing.

Later on,
rick and I burn it up.

[laughs]

the gillibrand rock quarry
is a pretty big place,

and home to some
pretty big equipment, too.

And if you're talking about
bigger and badder,

a caterpillar excavator
is a massive earth mover

that definitely fits the bill.

In fact, I doubt we'll find
anything bigger out here.

Gabriel, what are you
doing here?

Well, the guy that was
supposed to be here

couldn't make it,
so he called me up.

[jay]
oh. I stand corrected.

Gabriel iglesias,
a k a fluffy,

has graced our airwaves
several times,

and he's a real car guy, too,

as long as the car's a vw.

I just want everybody
to know right now

that this is all jay's fault.

Kinda feel like
we're in a giant litter box.

[jay]
yeah, it wasn't what I expected,
but it's hollywood.

This is ed from dig this.
Did you meet already?

-Yeah, we sure did.
-Oh yeah!

Cool guy, I really "dig" him.

-Yes, very good.
-Ah, that's funny.

There's more where
that came from.

[jay]
who needs writers, huh?

So you guys like to compete
against each other, don't you?

Oh, sure,
we're natural athletes.

[ed]
all right, so we're gonna bring
a little bit of our

dig this las vegas
competition here today.

You've got 30,000 pounds
of just hardcore power at your--

he's got 30,000 pounds
right here.

Hey! Hey!

Be careful, jay,
don't "dig" yourself a hole

you can't get out of, okay?

So what we're gonna do first,
guys,

we're gonna do what we call
our tire-stacking competition.

Those tires over there,

we're gonna take
one at a time

and we're gonna replicate
that pile

down at that other cone
down at the other end, okay?

And then we're gonna play
excavator basketball.

So we're gonna pluck these
basketballs off these cones

and we're gonna slam-dunk them
through that pile of tires

that we just built.

-Okay, well, yeah.
-Sound easy?

-Yeah.
-I've always wanted to dunk.

[jay]
the excavator's controls
are super easy.

There's two joysticks
and two directional controls.

Move the right-hand joystick
forward to lower the boom,

pull it back
to raise the boom.

Move it left
to close the bucket,

move it right to open.

Now the left joystick.

Move it forward
to extend the boom arm,

then move it left
and you'll swing

the entire cab to the left.

Move it right to swing right.

See that? Easy.

Yeah, piece of cake.

I'm sure I'll remember
every bit of that.

[playful music]

[ed]
we can start the competition!

-You're in trouble, jay.
-Tell me about it.

[laughter]

on your marks,
get set...Go!

I want you to center up
on this tire stack here.

[equipment beeping,
treads rumbling]

just control your speed there,
okay, with those sticks.

Stop there, jay.

We wanna put those teeth
in the center of the tire, okay?

[fluffy]
'bout to pluck this tire, jay.

[ed]
close it all the way up there,
fluffy, just like that.

Spin around.

Okay, stop there, jay.

You're gonna push forward now
with your directional controls.

[beeping and rumbling]

okay, fluffy,
you can drop there.

Yeah, just like that, fluffy.

Okay, looking good there, jay.

Open up your bucket,
so right hand to the right.

[upbeat music]

beautiful, good job.

that's a good distance,
fluffy.

Okay, close the bucket up
all the way.

Okay. Squeeze it all the way,
there you go.

Fluffy's off there, jay.

Close your thumb, jay--
beautiful. Good job!

Okay, he's on your tail, fluffy!

That's one place
you don't wanna be.

[ed]
open up your bucket there,
fluffy.

[jay]
it's a lot of fun driving
this monster around,

but operating the shovel
requires knowing

my right from my left.

[ed]
close your thumb there, jay,

and right hand to the right
at the same time,

your right hand to the right.

Your other right.

Just pull back with your
right hand directional control.

Pull back with your
right hand directional control.

No, no, I'm going
the wrong way.

[ed]
right hand...Right hand
to the left, your other right.

That's the nice part
about being dyslexic.

[laughter]

jay, what are you doing
over there?

[ed]
lift up a little more...

-Yep, a little more, jay.
-[crashing thuds]

-oh! Sorry.
-Right hand back, there you go.

[jay]
okay, okay, hang on, hang on,
right hand back.

[ed]
it's a good thing it's a cat.

[intense music]

I'm all screwed up.

[fluffy laughs]

[ed]
fluffy! Good job, mate!

[fluffy]
that's what I do.

It's all the years
of playing xbox, jay.

[laughter]

[ed]
I think jay's about
to catch up on you.

[fluffy, laughing]
I doubt it!

[jay]
I feel bad.

It's fluffy's last time
on the program.

[fluffy, laughing]
oh my god!

-Are we playing ball now?
-Yep.

Remember to get those teeth
right under there if you can.

Any ball.

-oh...Ah!
-That's okay, jay.

Don't--get on to the next one.

[laughs]

[ed]
all right, fluffy's got one.

Here we go!

[fluffy]
all right,
I got a basket!

[ed]
good job, fluffy!

-You're in trouble, jay.
-I am in trouble.

I'm like a white guy
playing basketball.

[fluffy laughs]

[ed]
just use your bucket
on this one, jay.

Gently.

-Oh...
-Oh!

[fluffy laughs]

-hey, I got three!
-All right!

[jay]
help!

[clanking]

I give it to fluffy,
I give up.

-I got it!
-Well done, guys.

[fluffy]
victory!

Victory.

This is too much fun.

I could do this all day, jay.

[jay]
well, I can't.

I've got a rick ross to race.

[engines revving]

earlier, music mogul rick ross
threw down the gauntlet

and challenged me
to a no-holds-barred

burnout competition.

Rick, I enjoy seeing you
in my rearview mirror.

I'm on your a*s, jay!

[jay]
before I can beat him,

I need to find out
what makes him tick.

[car whooshes past]

so what was your
very first car?

What was the first car you got?

My very first car was
a gift from my grandfather,

may he rest in peace.

It was a 1976 caprice.

It was sky blue, all original.

I loved it to death.

Were you musical all through
junior high and high school,

or did that come
later in life?

I began collaborating
with me and my homies.

I was in elementary school
when we started

making our first records.

One of my closest friends,

his older brother
played music, made beats,

and that's what
we got into early.

[jay]
when you made it,

who were your heroes?

I loved what big was doing,
tupac was doing.

Really, all the artists
that came before me.

I loved what they was doing.

[hip hop music]

how that toronado feeling, jay?

Good!

Now, you got a lot of bus--
you got--

you own all
the wingstop restaurants,

you got a whole bunch of those.

I stopped counting
the wingstops after 25,

and then I got into
the checkers franchises.

-You know, I just kept going.
-You got a book out too, right?

[rick]
right. My first memoir,
new york times bestseller,

and I'm about to release
my second one,

which is a basic book
to let youngsters know

how to boss up
and live your dreams.

You know, that's terrific.

I mean, I like people
that are cool and have fun

but are role models too,
you know?

[rick]
I just partnered up
with a telehealth, jetdoc,

something that could really
help people that don't have

health insurance
and make it affordable.

I know I tease you a lot,
but I gotta remind you, man,

you're a great american
success story.

You know, we most definitely
gotta go hard.

I wanna win every day.

[jay]
now, we talked about
doing a race.

Now, we'll see who can do
the best burnout.

You wanna give it a shot?

I can't wait.

I was born for this, baby!

[engine roars]

[jay]
coming up:

[tires spin and whine]

rick ross and I
ruin a few tires.

[rick laughs]

rapper rick ross
and comedian jay leno

will see who's
the biggest and baddest

at burnouts.

Only one can be bigger,

and only one can be badder.

Got two identical cars.

We'll find out right now
whether old age and treachery

beats youth and inexperience.

[slow clap]

oh, you'll be applauding.

Make sure you're buckled up,
jay!

[production assistant]
gonna go in three, two, one,

action, action.

[revving]

[rick chortles]

[jay]
laugh all you want, ross.

But choke on this!

[screeching and whining]

[clapping]

-whoo!
-Beat that, mother...!

-Whoo...
-Beat that, mother...!

Took a little while
to get it going.

[rick]
but what impressed me
is how you dragged it

-all the way down there.
-You gotta drag it down!

[rick]
gimme a pointer
on how you did that,

'cause I'mma recreate it
right now.

[jay]
what you wanna do is,
put it in manual,

hold it in first,

foot on the brake
while you give it the gas.

You'll feel the tires slipping.

[production assistant]
action, action.

[engine revs]

give it a shot, go!

[screeching and whining]

[clapping]

[clapping]

-how'd I look?
-Looked good.

[rick]
how'd I look, baby,
how'd I look?

[jay]
I'm calling it a tie.

[rick chortles]

you didn't go
quite as far down,

but close enough,
close enough.

[rick]
that was the smoke,
you see what I'm saying?

-Good job.
-That felt good.

[vibrant music]

[jay]
buckle up, folks,

it's time to assess & caress
with donald osborne.

[chiming twinkle]

well, this episode is all about
bigger and badder,

and we've brought
three classics.

So tell us what we have
here today.

[donald]
well, jay, representing
bigger and badder,

we've got a 1912 packard
model 30, 7-passenger touring,

a 1956 desoto
fireflite sportsman,

and a 2009 rolls-royce phantom
extended wheelbase.

-That is a huge automobile.
-It is an immense automobile.

In fact, all three
of these automobiles

are actually bigger
than a new ford f150

-quad cab pickup.
-That's bad.

-That's bad.
-All right, let's go

to the packard.

[donald]
of course,
you're a big packard fan.

[jay]
I am.

This was quite advanced
for its time,

-extremely well made.
-This example also is

an extraordinary one,
because it's thought to be

the sole surviving
seven-passenger model 30,

and this car's got
a great history,

because it was bought
in the late 1960s

by the great phil hill.

-Oh, sure.
-And it was one of the first

cars he restored.

Of course, he was
a great packard fanatic.

[jay]
he was a packard mechanic,
that was his job,

and he raced on the side
and of course,

-became world champion.
-This particular car

won its class at the
pebble beach concours d'elegance

in 1977,
and again in 1999,

-and again in 2013.
-Wow.

There are very few
triple pebble beach winners,

and this car is an absolutely
extraordinary example

of the last of
the four-cylinder packards.

The packard went four,
then they went to the big six,

and then they leaped everybody
and made the v12.

[donald]
now, we move to the future

with the forward look
of chrysler in the 1950s.

This 1956 desoto
is a great example

of virgil exner's
forward-looking designs.

[jay]
right.

[jay]
I think it saved the company
because they were

sort of falling behind
and, suddenly,

this was longer, leaner, lower,

you know,
all that kind of stuff,

-and it really set the stage.
-This was the car

to carry on
those interstate highways.

Lots of space.

The wonderful
power accessories.

-And the hemi engine.
-Hemi engine, exactly.

[jay]
that was
the most powerful engine

since the duesenberg
in the 1930s.

This thing really pops
when it goes down the road.

[donald]
this is a great example of
being both bigger and badder.

[jay]
one of your outfits
and this car, you're set.

[donald]
let's look at probably
the biggest and baddest

of the cars we have here today.

-Look how enormous this car is!
-Jay?

[jay]
I don't even know
how you parked it.

This is hilarious.

[donald]
this is the first
of the new rolls-royces

after bmw took them over.

And this car was designed
to reintroduce

a new level of a rolls-royce.

Rolls-royce had sort of become
a luxurious car,

but nobody really sort of
stopped on the street

when a rolls-royce drove by.

But people thought
this car was hideous.

They thought it was
too in-your-face

and, you know, "who would
ever buy a car like that?

You'd be embarrassed
to be seen in it."

but I think they did
a brilliant job

of designing a car
with presence.

[jay]
now among rap stars
and young musicians,

rolls is the hot car again.

I mean, this has
the youngest demographic,

I guess, of almost
any luxury car.

-Wouldn't you say so?
-I would.

And in fact, the point
is that it makes a statement.

It stands out, it's not
just another expensive car.

It's a car more to be driven in
than to drive.

And if you open up
that back door,

you'll also see something
which is really neat.

Right there in the door,
you see the umbrella there?

So, in case you get caught
in the rain,

you have patrick macnee
in the avengers.

[jay]
yeah, exactly.

Well, I think it's pretty easy
to figure out

which has appreciated
the most here.

[donald]
I've thrown you a softball,
is that what you're saying?

[jay]
I think so.

I think this has appreciated
the least.

This car has


You would have a hard time
getting more than 80 grand

for this thing now
because a hundred,

"oh, I'm not buying that."

you know, I see ferraris
with more than 5,000 miles,

oh my god,
people run away from it.

I think the phil hill car,

three-time winner
at pebble beach,

it's documented all the way.

So I would go
that's number one,

this second, and this third.

Okay, so you're going
in chronological order

from 1912 to 1956 to 2009.

-Exactly.
-And the one

that has appreciated the most
in the last five years,

we'll find out in a minute.

[jay]
coming up, donald will divulge
the dollar amount and, then...

That's why you got
a lot of meatballs.

-There we go.
-...Some sicilian hospitality

with joe mantegna.

Hey, joey zasa!

[engine puttering]

[jay]
for more cool cars,
go to jaylenosgarage.Cnbc.Com.

Well, jay, five years ago

this 1956 desoto
fireflite sportsman

might have been purchased
for about $57,000.

Today, it would cost you
about $65,000,

so a nice appreciation.

This 2009 rolls-royce phantom
extended wheelbase

five years ago would've
cost you about $280,000,

and today, it would cost you
about $100,000.

It's still a depreciating
new car.

Our 1912 packard.

Five years ago, the car
might have cost you $550,000.

Today, it would cost $675,000.

So the winner of
our appreciation sweepstakes

is the packard,
and I hate to admit it,

you're actually right
on all three.

[jay]
we bad!

We bad.

[melancholy music]

don't worry, there's
nothing wrong with your tv.

You're not watching
the food network.

But since my next guest is
about as italian as they come,

I thought I'd make him
an offer he couldn't refuse,

a pasta feast!

Everything I know about cooking

I learned from clemenza
in godfather iii.

'cause sometimes you know
you might have to cook

for 20 guys,
you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get the tomatoes in there.

I didn't learn much
in godfather iii.

They took me out
a little too early.

[jay]
joe mantegna has spent
the better part of five decades

on both the big
and the small screen.

While he's been in
just about everything,

he's best known for his roles
in godfather part iii,

the award-winning tv drama
criminal minds,

and of course, as fat tony
in the simpsons.

Never ceasing to amaze,

this chicago don
is always ahead of the game.

First, you put in a little bit
of your garlic there.

And you've got your wine,

you put a little wine in there
a little bit.

You've got to measure exactly,
looks about right.

Here's your sausage,
your meatballs.

[jay]
sausage and meatballs.

You shove your meat in
like that.

Here, go ahead, give me a hand,
give me a hand.

-There we go.
-Good, good.

[joe]
we lost one, we lost one.

[jay]
that's why you got
a lot of meatballs.

-There we go.
-All right, we let that simmer.

I'm trying to remember now.

The first time
you were on the tonight show,

back like 30 years ago,
back in '93.

[joe]
oh, yeah, I think
it was 30 years ago.

[jay]
'cause you started
in plays, right?

[joe]
yeah, theater,
I had done theater

all my life in chicago.

When I was in new york,
when I did the play

glengarry glen ross in '84,

I won a tony award
which moved me up

-to where I could...
-That always helps.

[joe]
it helps, that gets me
on the jay leno show.

[jay]
yeah, that helps
to have a tony award.

But I remember in 1971,
I had bought this 1947 buick.

It was winter now in chicago.


all the time.

You have little problems
with it.

So I put the car
in my friend's barn in indiana,

thinking someday I'll come

and maybe do something
with the car.

Well, 25 years later,

I get a call from my friend,
alan, in indiana, who says,

"I'm selling the house.

What do you want to do
with the car?"

I realized, "the car?"
"yeah, the car."

"why don't you just
put it on a flatbed

and send it out?"

so, of course, it arrives
on the flatbed,

and I'm thinking,
okay, you know,

I'm expecting to see it
like it looked.

So I remember
I took a picture of it

knowing I was gonna be
on your show

and knowing how you were
about automobiles.

I bring the photo,
and I remember you

holding it up
to the camera saying,

"alert the navy.

We found their anchor."

-I do remember that now.
-Yes.

And I thought to myself,

"I'll make you eat those words,
jay leno."

so did you get it all--
is it all--how does it look?

[joe]
well, you'll be the judge.

[jay]
hey! The boat anchor is back!

That's hilarious.

You know, cars from this era,

when we were little kids
sitting on that seat,

it was like being
in a moving house,

-it was so huge.
-Oh, yeah.

[jay]
thanks to joe's upgrades,
his '47 buick super eight

is bigger and badder than ever.

This behemoth is a boat anchor
no more.

With its airfoil front fenders,

bombsight hood ornament,

and its stock 248-cubic-inch
straight-eight engine,

I don't see joe sinking
anytime soon.

While joe's kind enough

to let me drive
this masterpiece,

I put him in a buick
that started it all for me,

my '55 roadmaster.

[cars whooshing]

joe, I love the propeller
on the front.

That's fantastic.

Actually, it's got some pep,
as my dad would say.

[motor humming]

I say it tops out
at usually about 75,

maybe 75 miles an hour.

The buick you're driving
is my first car,

but I must say,


my father had given us
our family car

which was a '56 chevy.

But I really didn't like it
'cause, you know,

it was all beat up and stuff.

So what I did
is I sold it that day

and then bought the buick
that afternoon.

[jay]
and the '56 chevy went on
to become an icon as well.

I know, now I wish
that I kept it, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

Your engine, though,

this doesn't seem stock
in this one.

This is a--you got
a little more horsepower.

[jay]
that's a 572 big block,
the very first one, actually.

Wow.

When general motors
was experimenting

with building crate engines,

they gave me
the very first one.

So it's rated about 650,


I was gonna say,
this would be a bit cooler

at the drag strip
back in the day.

[jay]
oh, yeah, exactly.

[mellow music]

let me ask you
about godfather iii.

I think that's
every italian guy's dream,

to be in a godfather movie
with francis ford coppola.

-Oh, yeah.
-How was he to work with?

He was great. We bonded
over wine especially.

I brought him a bottle of wine
that was bottled by my uncle

and he just loved that.

And like you say,
a couple italian guys

drinking a little wine,
eating a little pasta,

it's all good.

And what was your cha--
was it joey zasa?

What was the character's name?

[joe]
yeah, my character's name
was joey zasa.

To this day, I'll walk
through an airport

and I'll hear guys yelling,
"hey, joey zasa!"

I would think it inspired them
to cast me then

as fat tony in the simpsons,

which I've been doing
over 30 years now as fat tony,

which he's from the same side
of the street as joey zasa,

let's put it that way.

[jay]
hey, joe, we shoved
all those meatballs

and sausage in there,
let's get back

and eat some spaghetti,
what do you say?

[joe]
as my uncle willy would say,
"nothing wrong with that."

nothing wrong with that.

You know, I don't think
this sauce thing is working out.

Uh, let's just order a pizza.

coming up...

[kari]
this is the first date,
are you kidding me?

[jay]
kari byron uses
her myth-busting skills

to solve yet another
car nerd mystery.

What is going on?

Woo! This is the coolest!

[jay]
it's time for another episode
of stump a car nerd.
[funky music]

welcome to another episode
of stump a car nerd,

america's slowest-growing
game show

because, quite frankly,
there aren't that many of it.

But the ones that are here
are passionate

like today's guest, kari byron.

-Kari, thank you for coming.
-Of course!

[jay]
now I know you've been
a car woman

and you did mythbusters
for 12 years.

And you got--is it
crash test world,

-is that the new show?
-Yeah, crash test world.

[jay]
same thing? Crashing, testing?

[kari]
no, I'm more crashing
into countries around the world

to look for big ideas
of innovators.

[jay]
oh, okay, well,
that's interesting.

But how are you

on identifying cars
while blindfolded?

Have you ever tried this before?

-No.
-Okay, well, this will be

a good opportunity for you.

Okay, now I got a blindfold
for you here.

This is the first date,
are you kidding me right now?

-What have I got myself into?
-Exactly.

All right, let's open the door.

[dramatic music]

I will guide you in.

With roots
dating back to 1832,

the american lafrance
fire engine company

was one of the oldest
fire apparatus manufacturers

in the united states.

This 1941 model
features a v12 engine

with 265 horsepower,

which was the most powerful
engine produced in america

back in its day.

I thought kari might appreciate
another redhead.

[kari]
what?
Okay, so this isn't a car.

This is big.

I mean, some sort of big truck.

[jay]
some sort of big truck,
good, good.

[kari]
okay, this is old.

It's not as aerodynamic.

It's old
and it's not aerodynamic.

What is going on?

-There's levers.
-Levers.

[kari]
what is this?

Is this where gas goes in?

It's huge!

Okay, this is not an exhaust.

-That's not an exhaust.
-No, this feels like

this is--this feels like
this is threaded.

Is this a fire truck?

It's a fire truck! Very good!

Take off the blindfold.

Very good, there you are.

[kari]
woo! You just have
a fire truck?

[jay]
well, I think every boy
should have a fire truck.

Well, you ready to move on
to the next vehicle?

[kari]
I feel like you started me
with one that was kind of easy

-so that...
-Well...

[kari]
...Get to the trickery.

[jay]
it's all skill, no trickery.

We'll see, we'll see. Okay.

Let's see, here we go.

unveiled in 1980,
ford's crown vic

was quickly adopted by police

and demolition derby teams
everywhere

because, well,
it's basically indestructible.

Featuring a full-length frame,
rear-wheel drive,

and a standard v8 engine,
it's been working extra hard

to help bring in
hardened criminals.

[kari]
oh. Well, it feels dirty.

So, is it my car?

Not fancy headlights.

[jay]
not fancy headlights.

[kari]
is that plastic?

This is not an expensive car.

[jay]
okay, not an expensive car.

[kari]
I mean, this feels
like a very normal,

older commuter-style car maybe?

If I start it up,
will the sound help you?

[kari]
I mean, maybe.

-It smells old.
-That's just me.

[kari laughs]

okay, here, I'll start it up.

See if it gives you a clue.

[kari]
smells very gassy.

[engine starting, revving]

[honking]

okay, the horn does nothing,
I can't figure that out.

[jay]
well, the horn sounds
like a clown car

-because it's broken.
-There's something...

-No, that's our camera.
-Oh, sorry!

This, it sounds american,
it's a little rumbly.

I'm just gonna go
with oldsmobile.

[jay]
okay, no, it's not
an oldsmobile,

so you didn't get that.

-I'll give you another clue.
-Okay.

[jay]
you probably wrecked
a lot of these.

[kari]
is this a crown vic?

[jay]
it's a crown vic,
that's correct.

No, you can't go "yeah"
because you got it wrong.

-I did, I know.
-You did get it wrong.

Hey, you can take off
the blindfold.

All righty,
an exciting beginning.

Disappointing second vehicle.

All right, let's open the door,

let's go to
vehicle number three.

one of ford's oldest vehicles
still in production,

the econoline club wagon chateau
has seen it all.

This 1976 model
has a powerful v8 engine

and a cargo hold roomy enough
for a beanbag chair.

[bluesy music]

[kari]
oh, big guy.

Oh, I mean,
this is a van, clearly.

F-o-r-d.

What could this be?

So we got a ford van.

[jay]
it is a ford van,
that's correct.

Ooh! Yes, this kind of window.

This feels like my childhood.

[jay]
now why does it feel
like your childhood?

[kari]
'cause I learned to drive
on a big, colorful van.

-A big, colorful van.
-Yes.

[jay]
so your guess is what?

[kari]
it is a hippie dad van.

-That's correct!
-Yay!

Oh, this is sick!
Can I keep it?

[jay]
you can actually buy this
from the dealer.

[kari]
oh my god,
there's a beanbag in here!

[jay]
a giant beanbag is correct.

-You want to drive this one?
-I do want to drive this.

[jay]
hop in, hop in.

[guitar music]

I thought I'd surprise you
with a matching pinto.

[kari]
woo! I can't believe
you have a matching pinto.

Matching cars,
this is the coolest!

Woo!

[engine rumbling]

this makes a lot of noise.

It's grumbly, it feels good.

There is so much nostalgia
driving this van,

like the sound, the smell.

[jay]
well, I must say, this pinto

is exactly as I remember
pintos being.

I mean, the pinto was famous
for a lot of reasons,

but they sold millions
of these things.

[kari]
well, they're cute,
especially with that paint job.

We look like
the partridge family

going to a concert.

[kari laughs]

I mean, I'm pretty sure
people can tell we're together.

[jay]
coming up...

Teri hatcher and I talk about
the future.

Imagine when you're 80
driving this thing.

You'd be like
one of those cat ladies

going 40 miles an hour,

holding up
all the traffic behind ya.

Okay, thanks, jay.

[jay]
[ah, mother nature.

She truly has much to offer.

Panoramic vistas.

Untouched terrain.

and so quiet
you can hear yourself think.

Ah.

all right.

Okay, now what
are you supposed to do?

Probably why I'm bored to death.

How long have I been here,
nine hours?

I consider myself
an environmentalist.

I save the environment
by not going out into it.

I figure if I don't go
to the environment,

I can't damage it.

That's how I do my part.

I check into the four seasons.

But if I have to pretend
I enjoy camping,

I'll be sure to bring
this mercedes along

for the ride

'cause the 2021 mercedes metris

is made for campers like me.

You can live like a king
thanks to its elevating roof,

integrated solar panels,
large living area,

and a dependable 208-horsepower
turbocharged two-liter engine.

And if you just can't leave

the creature comforts behind,
don't worry!

You can easily tow up
to 5,000 pounds of them.

[engine puttering]

-hey!
-How are ya?

Hey, it looks great!

[teri]
fancy meeting you here.

-Yeah.
-Penelope, this is jay.

Jay, this is penelope.

[jay]
and this is teri hatcher.

She's been in everything from
a bond film on the big screen

to lois & clark
on the little one.

But teri is probably best known

for playing susan mayer
on desperate housewives.

These days, she stays busy
offering helpful advice

in her youtube show
van therapy.

[teri]
would you like to come in
and have a cup of coffee

or a cup of tea?

[jay]
why thank you, thank you.

I feel like I'm being lured.

-It's not that kind of van.
-"like to come in my van?"

"well, sure.
Hey, wait a minute."

all right.

Lucky for teri,
I don't mind being lured

into this beautiful
volkswagen transporter.

Born from a sketch
by vw importer ben pon,

it has all the things you need
to feel cozy while camping,

including a kitchenette,
complete with stove, sink,

and a refrigerator you can fill
with nothing but hot dogs,

if you like natural food
like me.

Of course, teri's model
also has solar panels

for a little flashy


Well, this is my idea
of living, sure.

[teri]
okay, it is my idea of living.

When I first got this van,
which was about 20 years ago,

my daughter and I,
one of the first trips we had,

-she was about six.
-That was emerson,

I remember when she was six.

[teri]
yeah. She just looks at me
and she goes,

"mommy, this is all we need."

and I think, like,
to a little kid, you know,

the little stove,
the little refrigerator,

-the little closet.
-It's like having a tea set.

But then she's grown up
and out of the house

and a big adult now,
and I still love it.

[jay]
how many miles
you have on this thing?

[teri]
oh god, way over
a hundred thousand.

[jay]
really? Well, you added
the solar panels.

[teri]
so I added the solar panels
because I really liked

the idea of being off the grid.

When I got the solar panels in,

I did get about three to four
more horsepower.

I had them work on the engine
a little bit

and I got a little bit more.

-So you have 44 horsepower.
-Yes, exactly.

Have you had any close enc--

do you ever get scared
when you're camping?

[teri]
I've had scary things
happen to me while driving it.

I had the brakes go out once.

-But you got that fixed.
-That was scary, got that fixed.

Luckily, it's only got


Now did you like coming up?

It was windy coming up in here.

[teri]
it was a little hairy,
I've got to admit.

[jay]
well, the roads are
kind of scary around...

-Let's go drive 'em.
-Okay.

[jay]
I'll take this,
and you take mine.

See what a little
extra horsepower can do.

-Come on, let's go.
-Okay.

[bluesy music]

I can't see your face,
but I just feel like

you look good driving my car.

I do look good
driving your car.

You probably look good
driving every car.

[jay]
well, I have to admit,
it runs and drives

pretty much like a new car.

It doesn't feel like
it's over 40 years old.

[teri]
I do try to keep it up.

It's kind of a tin can.

I mean, you do feel
like you do not want

to get in an accident
in this car.

[jay]
how do you like that mercedes?
Does it feel a lot different?

[teri]
oh my gosh,
it's incredibly different.

I feel very safe in this car.

I feel like I have
a lot of control.

Does it feel funny
to have power steering now?

It's so easy to turn that,
isn't it?

[teri]
oh, it's effortless.

[jay]
now do you get any
of those van magazines

that have vans
where they've been customized?

Have you seen anything
on some of those

that you'd like
to put in yours?

[teri]
oh, I have.

You know, I've had
all kinds of fantasies

about ripping the entire inside
out of this

and even turning it electric
I've thought about.

But ultimately,
the way it is right now

is pretty close
to how I bought it.

[jay]
yeah.

[car whooshing]

I've got this baby floored.

We're going flat out.

Uh, yeah, that's it.

That's as fast as it goes,
right?

Have you got it up to 40?

Imagine when you're 80
driving this thing.

You'll be like one of those
cat ladies, you know,

you got it filled with cats,

and you drive around
going 40 miles an hour,

holding up all the traffic
behind ya.

Okay, thanks, jay.

'cause I actually see that
potentially happening,

so I think you know
exactly where I'm headed.

-There you go.
-But as long as I'm happy,

it's good, right?

That's right, as long
as you're happy, you know?

[teri]
I really feel like the van
is like therapy, you know?

And I've been doing on youtube
a show called van therapy,

where I do sort of
drive around casually

and park at a grocery store
and get people

to talk to me in the van.

We are not talking
and listening to each other,

and we are isolating groups
and judging each other...

[male]
yes, too much judging.

[teri]
it's an icebreaker

the way food and music
are icebreakers.

You can't go anywhere

without having somebody
comment on it.

And I don't know,
especially now,

I feel like I like things
that bring people together.

-Ah.
-Yeah.

[guitar music]

[jay]
well, teri, you know,
I enjoyed having you,

but I enjoyed
having your car too.

I was going to say if you want
to borrow mine for a week,

and I'll take yours for a week,

and that'll be cool,
but I know you'll never do that.

I'll never do that.

I'm really honored
that you drove her,

but I'm gonna have to,
like a baby,

I'm gonna have to take her
home with me.

[jay]
well, I'm glad
I showed you mine,

I'm glad that
you showed me yours.

[teri laughs]