02x01 - Promotion

[bunniefuu]

Look, I'm
not gonna lie to you.

- It's all triggering.

Samantha Fink?

Let's go.

I mean, the sounds, the smells...
- Hold up.

I mean, the last time
I woke up here I was still drunk.

It just all felt so hopeless.

I didn't even know if I'd
make it to my next birthday.

But I did. It's today.

I'm 29.

You don't have to say anything.

Anyway, I made it.
I'm here, I'm alive.

Is it perfect? No,
absolutely not.

I still live with my mother.

And the mattress
there is terrible.

It's, like, super soft.

And too, like,
pillow-toppy for my taste.

But I do have the first
real job I've had in years,

which is great, and,
do I have a boyfriend?

No, but I have
dated a little bit.

Honestly, there's
not much out there.

You guys are not
missing anything.

Believe me.

But the point that
I'm trying to make is

I didn't get here alone.

I have a sponsor, who's amazing,

and a real community
that supports me.

And they all helped
me understand that...

this did not have to
be the end of my story.

- It's...
- No. That's the end.

Yeah, it's been 20
minutes. Thank you so much

for that inspiring
share, Samantha.

And thank you,
ladies, for coming.

Now you can head
out to Bible study.

Be sure to say what
up to my big dog JC

and his mama.

- Morning, Mary.
- Morning, Sam.

Oh, Jeff.

Yeah, you're getting worse
at opening things, man.

You're getting
worse at... stuff.

Hey. Grab your
sh*t, come with me.

But I...

- Just come with me. Let's go.
- Okay. I...

I was actually
early today, though.

I already sent you the list

of the chunkiest "chowdahs" on
the South Shore, so I don't know

- if you saw that, but it's definitely
- What are you talking about?

- In your inbox.
- I'm not worried about that.

Okay. It's just that
it's been my experience

when a boss says,
like, "Come with me,"

something very bad
is about to happen.

- You're very paranoid.
- With good reason.

This, right here...

That's your desk.

- Me? Mine?
- Yes, it's yours. Congratulations.

You've been k*lling
it here. Take a seat,

- please. Seriously, - Okay.

It's been amazing.

When your Legal Sea
Food top ten went viral,

that was huge for
us. And you ate...

so much lobster.

- So much lobster. Yeah.
- Unhealthy amounts.

I still don't feel right,
if I'm being honest.

- Oh.

What's up, Dave?

Um, I'm sorry about that.

- It's just, there's
not - Yeah, no.

A lot of space up
here. All the desks

- It's fine. I'm kind of into it.
- Were taken.

- I love it. Thank you.
- Yeah. Good.

Yeah.

Um, while you're here...

- Yeah?
- I was just wondering, maybe I could

write something a bit longer.

- Uh...
- Not that I don't love being

the listicle lady,
'cause I do. I just...

I actually worked at a
grocery store recently

and was, like, slicing deli
meat and very bad at it,

- so I'm very grateful for this. I just...
- Just chill right now,

all right? I gave you
a desk. A toilet desk.

It's a clear vote of confidence.

But, yes, if you have
samples, send them to me.

- Seriously?
- Yeah.

I mean, I'll... I'll
do it right now.

Before you get
back to your desk.

- I'll send them.
- Okay, cool.

Send them when you're done
with this panic attack.

- Okay. Okay. Oh, and, - Cool.

Hey, Alex, um... I'm
actually, I'm having,

a birthday party tonight. I
don't know if you're free.

I know it's kind of last-minute,

but I kind of went all
out. There's gonna be,

like, a photo booth
and a taco truck.

So, I don't know. If
you want to swing by...

Uh, I would love to, I would.

Um... but I'm your boss.

- Of course.
- And I just gave you a desk.

- I don't want people thinking...
- Right.

Something weird's
going on, and...

- No, me either.
- But, uh,

- happy birthday.
- You too.

- That doesn't make sense.
- No.

Wow.

- - Would you stop it
with the chairs? You're pregnant.

- I'm 11 weeks.
- Sit.

Okay.

You ready for your
birthday surprise?

- Yeah.
- You're greeting today.

Oh, yay. I get to touch
clammy newcomer palms.

It took me four years to
be promoted to greeter,

and she doesn't
even appreciate it.

Okay, well, we'll take
it from here, Mark.

- Whoa.
- Some people are

so touchy about belly
button birthdays.

- They think they're no big deal.
- Yeah, well,

I think this one's
kind of a big deal.

It's the first time I
felt like celebrating

my existence since I was 11.

I'm happy for you, Sam.

Most people, sober or
not, do not have a life

- that they are actively proud of.
- Thank you.

I'm trying. But I
want more, you know?

I want, like, a real
relationship and hot sex.

- And maybe a "Pullitzer."
- Pulitzer.

- Whatever.
- Well, you know what they say,

throw a party and the rest

of your life falls into place.

That's sarcasm.

Could still be true.

- Ooh, someone looks hot.
- Thank you.

No, by someone I meant me.

- Oh.
- You look okay, too.

It's cute, right?

- Yes. I love it.
- It's so cute.

Ooh. Let me, uh, show
you what I got for Sam

at that cute shop
around the corner.

Shut the front door.
Is that a journal?

- Mm-hmm.
- That's what I got her.

- Really?
- I was like,

"What do I get someone
who doesn't booze

- and talks about her frigging feelings all the time?"
- Right?

Anyway, I think mine's
different enough.

It's got a sparkly
unicorn on the cover

and a lock with a tiny key

for her tiny hands
and her big dreams.

- That's what I wrote on the card.
- That's good.

You ready to see Joel tonight?

Yeah, I'm excited for it.
I mean, we did it right.

We're still really good friends.

- Her ex-husband.
- Wow. Seriously?

Tell me about it. My
baby daddy texts me

every two years, "Sup, Felicia?"

And it takes every
ounce of my being

not to hurl my phone
in the frigging river.

I know. Joel and I have
the best divorce ever.

I mean, technically we
haven't signed the papers yet,

but we're both in a
really great place.

It's amazing.

It's not like I'm
upset, you know?

I just have this, like,
intense physical reaction

every time I hear her name.

Which I've been told is
actually really normal, so...

Have you read The Body
Keeps the Score? I have it.

I'm gonna give this
book to you right now.

Is it a thriller? I mostly
read James Patterson.

I've been doing Thriller
Thursdays where I order

takeout and then curl up
at home with my Jimmy P.

James Patterson doesn't
write his own books.

- He uses foreign undergrads.
- Oh.

How's the house?

So great. Yeah.

At first I thought
it would be hard

living in the
Craftsman that I built

specifically for me, Brit, and
two to four of our children,

but it's been amazing.

Yeah, I find myself
falling asleep in any room

'cause it's so quiet.

So quiet.

Joel, you know it's okay

to be upset about
the divorce, right?

I am upset about the divorce.

- So, you g...

Bob.

Mm. That is literally the sound

- of one of my migraines.
- Sorry.

- Hey. Hi, Joel.
- Hey, Bob.

Couldn't help but overhear
some of your conversation,

and I wanted to give you one
of my new business cards.

"Bobby Positive, inclusive
personal training."

Yeah, yeah. I'm-I'm seeing
clients again in the garage.

So, you know, if you want
to work on your strength...

Not just physical
but also emotional

and spiritual... all done in
a multiplatform environment,

you know, just give me a call.

Or you can text me. Just
don't use too many emojis.

I'm not sure what they all mean.

Right. Yeah.

Anyway, I'm not sure I'll make
the party 'cause the house

is so far, but, um, I wanted
to drop this off for Sam.

- It's a journal.
- Joel, stop.

- Do you know who I am?
- Uh,

you're Carol?

I am a woman who has
been through the throat

of grief and pooped out
the other side of it.

And I am telling you, the
only way through the pain

is to face it head-on.

Do you understand what
I'm saying to you?

I think so. You're saying

I should suck it up
and come to the party?

- Ex...
- Absolutely what she's saying...

- This is what I'm saying.
- You got it.

- Exactly.
- You got it, you got it. Yeah.

- Yeah, very good.
- Great.

Hey, how you doing?
Welcome back.

You can pop over there.

Make eye contact.
Use your kind eyes.

You want to attract, not repel.

- Okay?
- Okay.

- Hi. How you doing?
- Hi.

- Good.
- You can, uh... go over there,

- I guess, if you want. Yeah.
- That's a bit better.

- Hi. Welcome back. Good to see you.
- Oh, there we go.

That was way better.

James.

- My jacket. Get off.
- Oh...

Sorry.

Just didn't-didn't
want you to go.

You didn't answer a call or
a text in, like, six months.

I... I couldn't. You were
off the wagon, James.

It would have been really
bad for both of us, you know.

Self-preservation.

I have to put my own
oxygen mask on first.

Yeah, I know that,
but... it sucked.

Yeah, for me, too.

I get it. I'm a rules
guy, all that stuff,

but it's been awful.

And, you know... lonely.

Yeah. Come inside.

I still hoard the good cookies

and let the dirtbags
eat the lemon ones.

- All right.
- Okay.

Oh, my... Okay, go. Go, go, go.

Okay. I'll see you there?

Yeah.
- Okay.

Well, I did not think that
was going to go that way.

- Good for you.
- Thank you.

Also, I invited him
to my birthday party.

Sam, it's his first day back.
You're clearly triggering him.

He-He's not ready
to go to a party.

Should I tell him not to come?

- Sam.
- Right.

Ah, there she is.

Looking like a
snack...

as the kids say.

- Happy birthday, darling.
- Thank you.

- What are you doing?
- Hiding the meds.

There will be addicts here.
It's for their own sake.

You can't overdose on
antidepressants, Mom.

No, but you can
get brain damage.

I read this article
in Parade magazine.

Oh, that poor woman.

It's going to be a beautiful,
wonderful evening, I promise.

That's right,

'cause I trimmed
all the rose bushes

and filled the gopher holes.

- We are party ready.
Yeah, we sure are.

I got every single kind of
cheese a person could get,

and I think it looks...
looks really beautiful.

You guys just need to
stay in here, that's all.

You just can't...

I mean, you can say hi
to a couple of people,

but then mostly just
stay inside. Right?

I better go spray for gnats.

Mom. I'd love to hear
you say you heard me.

Samantha, 29.

I can't believe it.

They say you don't remember
childbirth. This is a lie.

I look at your face, I remember
every second of pushing you out.

I really don't feel
like doing the whole...

22 hours of labor.

The worst pain I've
ever felt. Searing pain.

Like being stabbed
with red hot knives.

I tore like Velcro.

And then at 4:28
on a Wednesday...

And then at 4:28

on a Wednesday morning,
out you popped.

I didn't know till I
saw the photos later,

but, you know, your
baby can be so ugly

and you don't even know it?

And this was me.

- Is this leading to anything?
- Yes.

I took one look at you and
I saw how special you are.

And you are special.
And you are beautiful.

Even without makeup.

I have so much makeup on.

And it's perfect.

Thank you so much for coming.

Oh. Thank you very much.

Do you want a drink? There's
so much stuff. Okay, come.

- I'm so glad that you could make it.
- Yeah, thanks for inviting me.

My dad finally got
that new kidney, so...

- Oh.
- I have a lot more free time now.

I also have tons of
different kinds of hot sauce.

It really does
look great, though.

- You think?
- You did a great job. Yeah.

- Does it feel, like, too try-hardy?
- Happy birthday!

Oh,
here's your gift.

- Oh, thank you so much.
- It's a journal.

- Oh.
- I'm bad at surprises.

Brit got you one, too.

Oh, well, if one gets lonely.

I also got her a journal.

- Joel, you remember Peter.
- Yeah, yeah, of course.

- From the wedding.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I was, I was there.

- Mm-hmm.
- It was a, uh,

beautiful night.

Uh, congratulations.

And condolences.

'Cause of the-the...

- It's... - Yeah.
- Thank you.

Oh, my God.
- Oh, perfect.

- All my favorite people!
- Yeah.

Hi, good friend.

- How are we?
- Oh, just...

we're just super
good in-in every way.

So that's...

Ten-ten out of ten?

Oh, man.

- Super good.
Super.

Yeah. Have some tacos.
I've got a minimum.

- Oh.
- Seriously, eat them.

Taco actually sounds
pretty good right now.

Oh, I'll come with you.

Terrific, yeah.

- Let's get a drink.
- Please, God.

Sam, great party. Is
this, is this pasteurized?

- Yeah.
- Is it?

- What do you want it to be?
- Pasteurized.

I don't know.

Yeah, so I only, like, eat
my oatmeal with raisins

- because...
- Jeff?

- Have you seen Alex?
- Yeah, I saw him with your mom.

I don't know why I
said it like that.

Uh, I saw him with your mom.

They're in the kitchen, talking.

Cool.

Okay, so like I was saying,

raisins, man, they're
glued together.

Does Samantha ever
talk about me at work?

- Am I what you expected?
- Mother.

What?

I am inside. They came to me.

I'm in the kitchen.

- Have you seen Alex?
- Who is Alex?

This is nice, right?

Feels good to be spending time
with you. Be friends again.

Yeah, I mean, there are
different types of friends.

You know? Like the types
who talk once a year

or like each other's
posts on Instagram.

Ooh. We should take a
photo for my parents.

Yeah, speaking of your parents,
have you told them about us yet?

Not yet. Ready?

Actually, I have to go over
there, I just realized, so...

- Hi.
- Hey.

- Hi.
- What's up?

I, um, I'm really
glad that you came.

Yeah, me, too. It's cool.

- This is awesome.
- Was it the-the taco truck?

No, um...

Actually, uh, I got fired.

No, I'm not...

It's not funny. I-I
don't have a job.

- And...
- What happened?

- I read your samples, and...
- You did?

Yeah, they're so good.

And then I go to bring
them upstairs, and...

Oh, my God. You did?
What did they say?

That's not the
point of the story.

- Oh, right, I'm sorry. No, go on.
- Yeah.

Anyway, they told me
they're bringing in

some boomer from New York

and they're "managing me out."

They won't even say "fired."
It's such a weird situation,

and it's just bullshit.

Oh, man, I'm so sorry.

- Yeah, me, too.
- I don't really want to go

to work there without you.

- That's very sweet.
- Oh.

I... This is really bad
timing, but I should go say hi

to someone, but will
you stick around?

'Cause I want to
talk to you more.

Yeah, yeah, I'll stick around.

Maybe I'll go snoop around

your childhood home
for a little bit.

That sounds like
a very good idea.

My mom keeps a bunch of pills

in the sugar jar
if you want them.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- You came, you...
- Yeah.

- Yeah, I'm here.
- Cool.

- Are you okay?
- Oh, yeah. I just...

I got some weird work
news, but how are you?

I'm good. I'm good.
Uh, this is for you.

- Well, thank you very much.
- Yes, of course.

- It's, um, not journal-shaped.
- Yeah.

- Off to a very good start.
- No, it's not. It's really not.

- Yeah.
- Oh, it's a...

- It's a Good Time Sally's mug.
- Right, right.

- To commemorate where we first met.
- Right.

You don't have to drink
alcohol out of that.

- Right.
- You can drink, like, orange juice, coffee.

- Totally.
- Whatever you need.

- Yeah, it's very sweet. Thank you.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Uh...

What are you doing?

Kissing you.

We broke up like six months ago.

Yeah, we broke up
because I was drinking,

not because we didn't
like each other.

- I'm not drinking now.

For what, a day?

Okay, well, how long
do I have to be sober

for you to take me back?

No, your sobriety is
not about me. It...

Did you honestly think
that we would just,

like, slip right back into this
without even a conversation?

- Yeah. Yeah, I did.
- Uh-huh.

- You invited me here.
- I invited you here

because I want to
be friends with you.

We're not friends.

We're just two people
that met at a bar.

I have so much respect
for what you people are doing.

I think, for me, I
would miss the taste.

You know, it would be the...

It would be the-the-the
taste of the prosecco.

The-the-the fizz, the
snap, crackle, pop there.

Do you know... You
don't miss that? No?

Hey, mind if I join you?

Wow, this party
must be really bad.

It's been a very nice evening.

You okay?

Not really.

I tried really hard, you know?

Just wanted everyone to
have fun, have a great time.

Instead, they're being
super weird and awkward

and not eating the tacos.

Well, thank God you're
here to help with that.

I know.

You can't control other
people's behavior.

I want to so bad.

I really thought I was
helping with James.

Mm.

Bringing him back
in and everything.

Then he tries to smooch me?

I mean, come on.

God, what a dumb birthday.

Look, was the
party perfect? No.

I tripped in a gopher hole
and almost broke my ankle.

But the salami was fantastic.
Baby's going to love it.

Just 'cause tonight wasn't
exactly as you pictured it

does not mean that you don't
have a life worth celebrating.

Tonight was messy and fun
and very on-brand, frankly.

Paging Samantha Fink.

Will Samantha Fink please
come out to the backyard?

To the tent that's the... the
only tent in the backyard.

- - All right. Looks
like they need you out there.

You can't stay in here forever.

Why not? None of the
bad stuff's in here.

Neither's any of the good stuff.

Let's go.

Party's still
happening.

- Let's go celebrate you.
- Oh, God.

Hi, everybody.
- There she is.

- Ah, here she comes.
- Happy birthday, girl.

All right.

Uh, okay. Hi. Um...

We learned this song in
honor of Sam's big day.

- Okay, here we go.
We're gonna k*ll it.

We're gonna k*ll it.

All right. Hit it, Bob.

One, two, three, four.

All right.

- Hey.
- Oh, hey.

- Um, thank you...
- I'm really glad that you came.

Of course.

Uh, I mean,

today sucked, but I'm
glad I'm here, and, uh...

Now that I'm not your boss,

do you think we
could go on a date?

Yeah, yeah, I think
that we could do that.

That would... Um...

- I'm gonna get out of here.
Okay.