01x05 - Episode 5

[bunniefuu]

LIVELY MUSIC

BRAKES SQUEAK

KNOCK ON WINDOW

WINDOW WINDS DOWN

WHISPERS: What are you doing?

I can't go home.

Why?

There's c*m on my dress.

Rory's?

No.

CAR DOOR OPENS

CAR DOOR CLOSES

Tell me everything.

Who was it?

The silver fox?

I knew you were gonna ride him.

Oh.

Was it not good?

He didn't even get inside me.

What? He didn't even

get it inside me!

So you didn't No.

He just Came

all over my dress.

On your dress? He literally

came all over my dress.

That's literally

all I got out of it.

I've had teenage fingerings

at the Christian

Brothers College disco

that were more sexually

satisfying than that.

You let guys finger

you at the CBC disco?

Everyone let guys finger

them at the CBC disco.

That was the whole point!

It's not fair! CAR HOOTS.

I got six A1s in

the leaving certs.

Literally the highest

score you can get.

I got into the College of

Surgeons for Christ's sake,

but I can't get a middle aged

man to f*ck me in a car park?

I can't even have

a simple affair.

Well I just want to have sex!

CAR HOOTS Let's not

keep doing that.

HOOTER BLARING

Do you and Rory not have sex?

Of course we have sex.

We're not Mormons!

It's just been a while.

How long's a while?

Three months

Six months.

A year. A year?

Why?

Because he's been

training for a triathlon

and it's a high endurance,

multidisciplinary sport

and it makes him

very, very tired.

I thought you were training too.

I gave up! CRYING.

Oh, Caroline

No, stop!

I don't want your

pity. I hate that.

But I think it's really sad.

You're a woman in the

prime of your life.

You should be having great sex.

I know that!

Don't you think I know that?

Don't you think I know that?

I want to have great sex!

I want to have great sex!

I want to have

great sex! HOOTING.

We need to go inside now.

No. Yes. Yep, come on.

CARO: I tried to cheat on

my lovely, loyal boyfriend.

I'm a terrible person.

You are not a terrible person.

You're just unhappy

in your relationship.

I'm not that unhappy.

Most of the time I feel nothing.

WHISPERS: Oh, what

if Rory finds out?

Would that be the worst thing?

Yes!

He's the only person in my life

I can actually rely on.

Caroline, do you want to

end up like our parents?

In a sad, sexless relationship

made functional by weekly visits

made functional by weekly

visits to an acupuncturist?

To an acupuncturist?

Or do you want to

live on your terms,

with a man who knows you

and appreciates you

and who you can

have great sex with

at least several times a week?

That feels like a lot.

I do double shifts.

This could be an opportunity.

For what? To tell

Rory how you feel.

Oh

Something important is missing

in your relationship.

If he doesn't want to fix that,

maybe he's not the guy for you.

You are not a terrible person.

I should have told you

about Jack and Kristen.

I've known she was

pregnant for ages.

Why didn't you tell me?

I guess I was seeing if

you'd really changed.

It was shitty. I'm sorry.

WHISPERS: I'm sorry too.

KNOCKING ON DOOR ANT: Shiv!

Dad's leaving!

What? He's packing up his stuff!

He's leaving mum.

CARO: What the f*ck, Ant?

SHIV: Dad! What's going on!

Jesus! You're all there!

What's that on your?

Nothing. Where are you going?

Umm

Your mother and I have had a

a little talk

and we think it's best

if I go away for a while.

ANT: Away where?

To Mina's.

You were right, love,

what you said at the

family meeting was right.

About time we had some honesty.

ANT: But you have been honest.

You're in an open marriage,

we all know, so

No, no

It's not really an open marriage

if one of you's in love

with someone else

In love?

Thought it was just a

casual sex thing with Mina.

- No, no.

- The sex was never the point.

It's like Shiv said

For god's sakes, she's

not the Dalai Lama!

Look, this is what they

call a mid-life crisis.

No, it's not a mid-life

crisis, Caroline,

because I'm not in mid-life.

Yous are.

ALL: What?!

I am in the last act of my life

and if I don't start

telling the truth now

when will I?

So, I'm doing it.

I'm owning it.

I am in love with Mina.

It's like you were sayin'

Please, stop.

I'm sorry.

But it's the right

thing, for both of us.

I'll come back for

the rest of me stuff.

So wait, wait, wait

You're just leaving?

Just like that?

I hope you'll come and

spend some time with us.

You know, Mina really

is a wonderful woman.

Oh, f*ck you!

f*ck you!

This is your fault.

CAR ENGINE STARTS.

Well, that family meeting

certainly stirred the pot.

Mum Did you know

Pam is missing?

Pam, your neighbour?

She's not answering texts,

she's not answering emails.

I've had some very strange

encounters with her husband.

What's just happened, Mum?

He's replaced her,

that's what's happened,

with some redhead.

Are you okay?

I'm fine!

Is Pam okay?

That's the question.

BASHING SOUND

Course it's not your fault!

I'm the one who called

the family meeting.

I'm the one who said

to tell the truth.

Hold it steady will ye?

I need to get a proper swing.

My parents have just split up.

I know, love.

It's disappointing for everyone

when an open relationship

doesn't work out.

But what's it got

to do with you?

They're adults.

You've about as much

control over them

as you do the old

glug glug glug.

Speaking of, how are you

feeling about tonight?

Err, what's tonight?

The meeting! You're our speaker!

What? I

Come on! Hold it steady!

Karen, I can't do

the talk tonight!

I'm a mess.

Those are always

the funniest, haha!

Please find someone else.

I'll do it next time.

You made a commitment!

Yeah, I know. Part of not

behaving like an addict

is honouring our commitments,

instead of going on a bender,

we stick to our word!

Yeah! Because believe it or not,

there's people in

more pain than you.

And hearing your story,

how you got sober

how you stayed sober

despite having no job,

no home, no meaningful

relationship

will you hold the

f*cking thing steady!

I'm going for Katie Taylor here.

Okay.

I'll do the talk!

Ah, good girl!

Cause it's a b*tch to

find someone last minute.

Put on a bit of lippy

and run a brush through

your hair beforehand!

We're alcoholics, not savages!

Hideous.

PHONE RINGS

ANT: Yo. Where's Mam?

She's not picking up.

ANT: She went for a walk.

By herself?

ANT: Yeah.

And you let her?

What was I supposed to do?

CARO: For God's sake!

Her husband just left!

She's vulnerable!

Wait, what are you saying?

That she might do

something to herself?

CHATTING AND LAUGHTER

ANT: Hello?

Sorry, Ant, gotta go.

Wait, what about Mam?

Hey, Dan!

Hey Can I have a word?

Yeah. Sure, Dr Sheridan.

Did you get home okay?

Yes. Yeah, I did, thanks.

You? Yeah, yeah. Yeah

Well, no, I actually ended

up staying at my parents

which turned into a

Doesn't matter. Umm

I just wanted to say,

about last night,

because I don't want it

to be weird between us.

No, no. No, me neither.

And what happened really

wasn't a big deal.

No. I mean, sh*t happens.

People get excited in situations

and I was excited.

Maybe too excited. Yeah.

What?

DAN: Mm-hmm.

I just meant, you know, we don't

have to write it off as a total

We could even

try again sometime

Maybe? Umm

No.

I don't think so.

No? But err

Thanks.

BANGING AND CRASHING

FRANTIC KNOCKING

I'm at work, Ant.

ANT: I found this

in Dad's stuff.

It's Carl's death cert.

He didn't die of some

mysterious heart thing.

He committed suicide.

It's right there.

Put that back

where you found it.

Why? It'll upset people.

They've been lying to us!

There's Dad making me feel

like I'm the f*cking failure!

Carl's the coward

who k*lled himself.

You don't know what you're

talking about, okay?

Did you know about this?

My boss is looking at me.

Shiv, did you know?

I found him, Ant.

Of course I knew.

Why didn't you tell me?

You were a kid, you

didn't even know him!

You're supposed to be

the f*cking honest one!

SHIV: Ant, wait!

Ant!

SHIV SIGHS

JACK: Hey.

What happened?

Ant found Carl's death

cert. He didn't know.

Ah, sh*t.

You were supposed

to answer the phones

while we meditate.

Err, she's got a

family emergency.

Is everything okay?

JACK: Can she go early?

No. Honestly, there's no need.

Actually, that would be great.

If you go you

could open tomorrow

and I can go to pregnancy yoga!

Everybody wins.

Shiv!

Wait up!

Yo!

JACK: Where you going?

I've a meeting shortly.

A meeting?

f*ck that. Excuse me?

You don't need to

wallow in this sh*t.

You need to blow it off.

Well, I

I used to do that with whiskey

and it didn't work

out so well, so

Wait

How about we do

something together?

JACK: Huh?

DOOR OPENS

Oh, this place looks fancy.

JACK: Table for two please.

Have you a reservation?

Have you a reservation?

Oh, Arthur knows me.

Oh, Arthur knows me.

Jack Corcoran. He

said stop in any time.

Call him if you want.

MAITRE D': Follow me please.

May I take your

coat? No, thank you.

HAPPY RESTAURANT CHATTER

So Have you decided?

We'll have a bit of everything.

Everything? Yeah.

The plates are small

and we've pretty big

appetites, so why not.

We'll have a jug of that mint

infused whatever that is too.

Of course.

How much will this cost?

Don't worry about it.

I owe a lot of people money.

It's taken care of, okay?

Here.

What do you think of that?

Err

bog standard restaurant art?

Guy who owns this place,

he's a big collector.

He's got some serious pieces.

I think it's pretentious.

I hate sh*t like that.

Why, who's the artist?

Me.

What the? Oh

sh*t.

Caroline!

Rory made me a barm brack.

A what? He made it himself.

It's so fluffy!

I got your message.

Thought I'd pop over after work.

Everything is made

better by a barm brack.

So, you're okay then?

I was telling Rory about Pam.

I found her shoe!

And he was saying it's amazing

the amount of men that

actually m*rder their wives.

The statistics are shocking.

BERNIE: Well

the indignity of being left

for an older woman aside,

I've been spared that at least.

Have some cake, love.

It's delicious.

So, she's acting

fully mental, right?

It's just the shock.

It's understandable.

Thanks for coming over today.

I couldn't leave Bernie

by herself after that.

Jesus.

I can't believe

old Tom just left.

After everything

they've been through.

I know.

Where's the fecking

loyalty, like?

They've been

together forty years,

you don't turn

around one day and

Rory?

Yeah?

Will you marry me?

Please.

CARO: Mum! KNOCKING ON WINDOW.

Have we any champagne?

Champagne?

He said yes!

Who?

PARTY MUSIC

Oh, f*ck off.

I am so sorry. Will

you stop apologising?

I didn't mean to sh*t?

Yeah you did.

And you're right,

because I haven't made a

decent piece of art in years.

Well I'm sure that's not true.

I'm just so f*cking bored, Shiv.

I used to do things, go places.

I used to take risks.

And now I

I've nothing to say.

Fatherhood's kind of risky.

What? It is!

It's not like it

was planned, okay?

At least not by me.

Oh.

Don't you miss

the old days, huh?

All the mad sh*t we used to do?

We were f*cking crazy.

We were kids. No, no.

We just had ba*ls back then.

MAITRE D': Burrata.

Made in West Cork.

Served with a grilled

nectarine coulis

and a basil reduction.

Enjoy.

Listen, I err

I appreciate what you've

done for me today,

distracting me and

treating me to dinner.

I'm not paying for dinner.

What?

But you said

That's about 300 quid there.

I can't afford 300 quid.

I can, but

where's the fun in that?

Huh? LAUGHS.

No, no. No f*cking way, Jack.

What? We used to do it

all the time in college.

Doing a runner in here!

We could get arrested!

Do you have a choice?

Hmm?

f*ck you, Jack!

Nice

Create a diversion

We need to make it bigger.

Bigger?

How f*cking dare you!

Okay, it is one thing

sleeping with my sister,

but my brother!

GASPING

Madam! Madam! Pick

a f*cking team!

Wait! You saw what she did?

She's a f*cking nut job!

MAITRE D': Wait! Run, Shiv, run!

SCREAMING MAITRE D': Wait!

LAUGHING AND WHOOPING

But they know who you are!

Let 'em come find me!

You're a f*cking lunatic!

PASSIONATE KISSING

Nice studio.

Thanks. It's expensive.

Do you want to get that?

No. It'll just be my family.

They ruin everything.