02x01 - When in Rome, b*tch!

[bunniefuu]

Was that long enough?

["Surprise" by Chlöe playing]

[chilled R&B beat playing]

♪ If you be good to me Then
I'mma be great to you ♪

♪ If you stay down for me Then
I'll stay awake for you... ♪

I missed you so much.

♪ Surprise, slip my
panties to the... ♪

Me too.

♪ Side ♪

♪ Give me your money, baby
I'll make it rain for you ♪

♪ Feel like you cheating The
positions I play for you ♪

♪ Surprise ♪

♪ You like the way that I ride
Give you a piece of the pie ♪

♪ You say that you could just
stay up And eat it all morning ♪

♪ And into the night ♪

♪ Give me your money, baby
I'll make it rain for you ♪

♪ Feel like you cheating The
positions I play for you ♪

- ♪ Surprise, tonight, you get my ♪
- [music stops abruptly]

[Mavis] Oh! I am so sorry!

[funky beat playing]

♪ Okay One time for the
big girls in the crowd ♪

♪ Hey, hear me now ♪

♪ Go on, sis, yeah Show
'em how to work it out ♪

- I can't believe...
- I can't believe I'm here.

I, um... I, um...

Wow. I'm... really glad you're home...
and that you picked up the phone.

- Me too.
- [both chuckle softly]

Um...

I also, like... uh...

I am also really sorry.

Okay. Thank you.

Yeah.

Just to be clear, are you sorry about
getting engaged to your ex-boyfriend

or hanging up on me when
he was right behind you

or just breaking my heart?

Jesus Christ. Um...

D? All of the above?

I'm sorry, Mavis.

It's just, 48 hours ago,

I thought that I'd never see you
again. I thought we were over.

Yeah, but Luca, the thought
of never seeing you again

is why I had to get on
that plane and be here.

You're really important to me.

We can figure this out.

And I wanna see your world.

- Mm.
- So what all we do in Rome?

Do we... go to the opera?

Or, uh... make focaccia?

Or, I don't know, anything
that ends in "uh?" What we do?

Well, how long are you here for?

Oh... right.

I sure as sh*t just
showed the f*ck up, huh?

[both chuckle]

I'm here for a week. So, like,
six more days. Is that okay?

Yeah, great.

I would love to show
you around today,

but I have a refugee family
that I'm working with,

and I'm so close to getting
their paper secured.

Oh, okay.

I could try and reschedule.

They might be deported and not
allowed to come back to Italy.

Oh my God, Luca, stop.

You gotta... you gotta
save that family.

They need a home in Italy.
It's beautiful here.

I'm fine. I could just...
take care of myself today

and, I don't know,

roam around Rome.

Oh. That's clever.

That was very clever.

[phone ringing]

[grunts]

Hey, Mave.

[Mavis] Hey, Khalil!
I'm in another country!

But you knew that
already. How you doing?

Uh... I'm doing all right.

All right, um... I bought a
weighted blanket. That helps.

I wish I was there to give you a hug,
friend, and take you to Red Rooster.

Have you talked to India at all?

I mean, a little bit when I
dropped Cooper's skates off.

Honestly, it felt
like two heartbreaks.

Khalil, you had a impact
on him, okay? And India.

And sh*t, probably
triflin'-a*s Henry too.

Well... [grunts]

...it is what it is.

So I see you didn't sleep
in your bonnet last night.

What's good with you?

Yay! My turn!

Uh! Khalil! It's so good!

It's so good being here.
It's so good seeing Luca.

And I, um...

I said everything I wanted to
say and how I wanted to say it.

And I'm so glad when I knocked
on his door, he let me in.

And then I let him
knock on my door,

and I let him in. You
know what I'm saying?

Yes, I know what you sayin'.
Please stop saying it.

We had sex.

He put his... He put
his Italian baguette

in my focaccia,

and we made some olive oil.

- Gross.
- [laughing]

Please stop. I
know. Yes, I know.

So what? It seems like... you and
Luca are, like, what, good good now?

I mean, I hurt him, right? So
he's, like, still processing.

But, um... I don't know. I just
want him to know that I'm committed

to making this long-distance
relationship work,

and I really just... hmm...

wish there was a way
I could show him.

I mean, all right.

Well, maybe you... I don't know.

Oh my God! I can cook him, like,
a really nice meal and, um...

just kind of show him how amazing
life could be with the two of us.

You know what I mean? Uh!
Khalil, you're the best.

Hey, glad I could help.

I love you, brother.

Love you too, Mave.

- All right, bye.
- Night.

[soulful Italian
R&B music playing]

Ooh, if you like Emily in Paris,

then you're gonna love
Mavis in Rome, b*tch!

Whoo!

[app, in Italian]
The bathroom, please.

- [mellow song playing]
- [in Italian] The... The bathroom.

The bathroom, please.

Por favor? Heh... [splutters]

[app] Thank you.

Grat-zee? Grazie.
Grazie! Yahtzee!

[app] You're welcome.

Preggo? Prego. Prego?

[in English] Oh my God, is that
where that tomato sauce comes from?

It's like, you're welcome for this
watery-a*s grocery-store tomato sauce.

Oh my God. The more you
f*cking know, b*tch.

Prego! Prego.

Why is this so small?

You know what? I want some more.

No, girl. You
don't need no more.

This is enough. This is
how people do it in Italy.

Mm-mm-mm!

Damn! This is so good!

What you lookin' at, moss
mouth? Why you judgin' me?

You actually remind me
of my mom, just like,

very kind eyes behind stone, so...
All right, I'm gonna enjoy my gelato.

Don't look at me like
that, b*tch. Come on now.

[song continues,
lyrics in Italian]

Oh my God!

It's... What? Does anyone...

Mr. Dua Lipa, how do you
say that statue got dong?

[liquid splashing]

Ah!

Okay. That was refreshing.

[romantic Italian music playing]

Ooh.

[gasps]

Bellissima.

Ooh. Okay, let's
see what we got.

[lyrics in Italian]

Mmm! Mm!

Sir, scusi. Um...

Why are the chickens so small?

Signora, that is the
size they usually are.

Okay, can I just, um... get one?

- Por favore?
- Okay.

[Mavis] Yeah!

I'm gonna cook it for dinner
tonight for my boyfriend.

Well, he's not my boyfriend yet,

but, you know, we definitely
have, like, that thing.

It's really giving, like,
Brown reboot of The Notebook,

but, like, without the dementia

and the letters 'cause obviously we
have the Internet and such, but... Oh!

I don't wanna ruin it for you if
you haven't seen it 'cause it's...

It's on Broadway now.
It's a good movie,

but, you know, it just makes you
wanna be with the one, you know?

'Cause when you know,
you know. You know?

Capisce?

The chicken is done.

And so am I.

Okay.

Thought we were just... bonding, you know,
havin' a little moment in the flea market.

[romantic song in
Italian continues]

Hey! Mortacci tua!

Cazzo.

[in Italian] So let me get this straight.
They were planning on getting married?

Yes, they were actually engaged.
She says she regrets it.

I understand, but
that's not the point.

How are you feeling
about all this?

I'd rather not talk about it.

Okay.

How could she go back to him?

How could she even
consider marrying him?

- I don't want to think about it.
- Fine, but...

How can I not think about it?

I mean, she was engaged
to someone else.

Yeah. I get it.

But it's also amazing
to have her here.

She's like a star that just fell
from the sky and landed in my bed.

A star fallen from the sky
that landed in your bed?

Now you're speaking in poetry?

So you clearly got laid.

I just mean she's bright,
glowing and beautiful,

but... I might get burned.

Ah.

So the sex was great?

- Listen, I'm not telling you, okay?
- What a gentleman.

Do you know anyone
who can fix a shower?

A shower?

[soft rhythmic music playing]

Honey, you're home!

It's very exciting.

It's giving, like,
Destiny's Child "Cater 2 U,"

and I love that moment for us.

Wow.

It's so sweet you did all this.

- Yeah.
- What else did you do today?

Well, the market was so
beautiful and so fun,

and the colors were so vibrant,
and the people were so nice.

And I even ran into an American
tourist outside the Colosseum,

and I asked her how it was
inside, and she just said, "Meh,"

and I was like, "Meh?" and she's
like, "Yeah, it was just meh, girl."

"There was no baked chicken, no jousting,
no show. It was under construction."

I'm like, "What?"

I cannot believe this basic
b*tch came from America to Rome,

and she thought the Colosseum
was like a Renaissance fair?

We have a saying here in Italy.

- Small-minded people...
- Mm-hmm.

...will always live
in a small world.

- Mm.
- And I know that's not you.

- Boy.
- [knock on door]

- Oh, are you expecting someone?
- No.

[Mavis] Hmm!

[in Italian] Hey, Gabri,
what are you doing here?

[Gabri] You haven't
answered any of my texts.

[in English] Oh, wow.
I see you have a guest.

[Luca] Yeah.

[in Italian] Why is that American
b*tch who broke your heart here?

Be nice, Gabri.

[in English] Gabriella, this is Mavis.
Mavis, this is my sister Gabriella.

Hi, Gabriella! Hello!

[Mavis, enthusiastically]
Mwah! Mwah! [chuckles]

So nice to finally meet you. I'm
so sorry I didn't recognize you.

Yes, I'm very
surprised to see you.

My brother didn't tell me you were
here, and he tells me everything.

[Mavis] Oh!

Tells you everything.
Everything.

And that's good that you
guys talk to each other

because I don't
talk to my brother.

LOL. I'm the only
child. That'd be weird.

Um... Good-uh.

G-g-g-g-g-good.

Gag. You are Gucci with
that. You know what I mean?

That means very good in America, but
you probably... I don't know what you...

Thanks for stopping
by. I'll walk you out.

Yep, so nice to meet you!

Yeah.

[Luca] Thank you.
Thank you for coming.

[in Italian] Thank you for
coming. We'll discuss this later.

- [Gabri] Yeah, sure, later.
- [Luca] Why are you always like this?

[Gabri] You told me it was over.

[Luca] Yeah, it was over.
I thought it was over.

But now she's here, and we're just
enjoying each other's company.

Be smart. You told me she
hurt you just two days ago.

Yes, she did hurt me. All
right. I'm not denying that.

I know you're protective...

I have to be protective,

or you'll spend the rest of
your life with some other idiot

who cheated on you the
minute you turned your back.

Don't marry another Isabella.

[Luca] I have to go.

[in English] She worked really hard on
this dinner, and I want to enjoy it!

I hope she cooks
as well as she lies

because this is
all a distraction

from the fact that you
can't really trust her.

[funky Italian
electronic music playing]

[lyrics in Italian]

Yeah, I mean, Rome is beautiful.
The weather's amazing.

The food's amazing.
Check your texts.

What?

Why is she talkin' about
people she don't know?

She don't know you. You
don't know that other person.

Damn, I hate people's sisters!

The Colosseum? Ooh, baby!

It is realer than Meryl Streep's face,
and you know that's the real real.

Wait, "Luca is nothing like
Jacque. I am nothing like the ex."

"Need Luca to know..."

Sis, if he don't
know, he don't know!

Damn! You could lead a
horse to water and f*ck him,

but he's gotta make
up his own mind.

Yeah, okay, I really don't think
that's how the saying goes,

but thank you for
your support. Yeah.

Baby, listen, you are
too cute, too beautiful,

too special to be putting up
with any of this bullshit.

And if that m*therf*cker
can't see it, then guess what?

That m*therf*cker doesn't
deserve you, honey,

and you can best believe
I got enough sky miles

to be there in eight
hours. Do you hear me?

Well, I love you,
and I miss you,

and I really wish you were
in Rome with me right now.

That'd be, like, really fun.

Okay, bye.

- Um... Hey.
- Hey.

That was Marley.

Oh. Okay. I wasn't wondering.

Okay.

How did you sleep?

Not too well.

I don't know. I just...

I really want it to work out.

I do too.

Yesterday was a...
a little stressful.

Yeah, it was very stressful.

But we still have today.

- And we still have each other.
- Don't you have to go to work?

Uh... I am, as you Americans
say... playing hooky.

What?

That's cute.

Forget about everyone else.
Let's just have fun today.

- You and me.
- Yeah, I wanna have fun.

[romantic Italian music playing]

This place is, like, the most
beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Hmm... Yes, but I think that

you are the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen.

I feel crazy.

This city is... making me feel
things I've never felt before.

You make me feel things
I've never felt before.

Okay, boy.

Okay, we have a pretty
good patter going on here,

and I'm about to say something,

and you don't have to say
it because I just said it...

I love you, Mavis.

I love you too.

So much.

[romantic Italian music swells]

What do we do now? Like...

Are we, like, swimming in
the water? What are we doing?

Um...

Let's make a wish.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a
fountain. Make a wish.

Ah! [speaks Italian]

[bride shouting in Italian]

[shouting in Italian]

[speaking Italian]

Did my coin hit her?

Did it hit you? You know what?

That's very lucky
if my coin hit you.

It's luckier than a pigeon
sh1tting on you. Don't you think?

- I think we have to go.
- Congratulations.

[apologizes and
congratulates in Italian]

[Italian funk music playing]

[lyrics in Italian]

- Hi!
- [Mavis] Hello.

Hi, it's nice to
meet you. Mavis. Hi.

Hi. Ciao.

It's nice to meet you.

How do you say "one,
two, three" in Italian?

Uno, due, tre!

♪ Honey came in And she
caught me red-handed ♪

♪ Creepin' with the
girl next door ♪

♪ Picture this, we were both butt
naked Bangin' on the bathroom floor ♪

♪ How could I forget that I
had Given her an extra key? ♪

♪ All this time she was
standin' there, she... ♪

[spoken] ♪ Never took
her eyes off me! ♪ What?

- ♪ But she caught me on the counter ♪
- ♪ It wasn't me ♪

- ♪ Saw me bangin' on the sofa ♪
- ♪ It wasn't me ♪

- ♪ I even had her in the shower ♪
- ♪ It wasn't me ♪

- ♪ She even caught me on camera ♪
- ♪ It wasn't me... ♪

The song is so good, you
forget it's about cheating.

- ♪ Heard the words that I told her ♪
- ♪ It wasn't me ♪

- ♪ Heard the screams gettin' louder ♪
- ♪ It wasn't me ♪

♪ She stayed until it was over ♪

Yeah! Why did she
stay? That's so silly.

- [crowd cheering]
- [backing track stops]

It's amazing. This is, like,
the most amazing night ever.

Like, I'm finally seeing
how it could work.

Like, we could really
make this work.

I mean, I don't know, we definitely
have to, like, get miles, you know,

to see each other about, like, I
don't know, every five or six weeks.

Also, like, we should work
when we see each other

because then we can, like,
write the trips off, and...

You know what? There's
this, like, amazing podcast

about long-distance relationships,
and they had the best advice.

We should actually be
on that podcast. Right?

What's up?

What is it? Luca!

Luca!

Hey. Babe.

You okay? Why'd you just
leave like that? You okay?

This is so hard for me, Mavis.

I've missed you so much.

You're making me really nervous right now.
Okay? Just... just say what you have to say.

- Okay? Just say it.
- I don't know how to say it.

I've been pushing
down this feeling,

but I have to tell you because I
don't think I can not tell you.

I'm still not over it.

I don't know how to be.

What are you saying?

I don't think I can
trust you, Mavis.

I can't trust you.

- [wistful music playing]
- ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hmm-mm-mm ♪

♪ Hey ♪

Yeah, my reservation
number is, um...



H as in heart,

B as in broken.

Um...

Yeah, I... Thank you.

I had a...

Uh... This has been great.

This really has. This has been
some of, like, the absolute best.

Um...

You know, I... like, I
don't wanna live life with,

like, regret about
any decision I have.

You know, I wanna
own my decisions,

and, um... I have zero regrets
about coming here and seeing you

'cause it's what I wanted to do.
I wanted to see you, and, um...

and I understand your decision.
I understand how you feel.

[sobs] I really do.

I just wanted to come here
and tell you that I love you.

And... you don't
have to say it back.

Just take care, okay?

["Second Guessing" by
Arlo Parks playing]

♪ Eating Parma Violets ♪

♪ On the way back from therapy ♪

♪ Bleedin' out on
a velvet couch ♪

♪ They're kinda
worried about me ♪

- ♪ Ooh-ooh ♪
- ♪ Do you remember... ♪

- Look.
- Oh, sweetheart.

- Oh, baby.
- [Khalil] Come here.

- [sobbing]
- [Marley] Baby, it's okay.

[continues sobbing]

Mavis... you're gonna be okay.

All right?

- Yeah.
- We got you, sis. We got you.

You tried. You did that sh*t,

and we are proud of you.

Yes, we are.

I'm proud of me too.

And I got you a
weighted blanket.

- Just thought maybe you could use one too.
- Yeah, I could.

- Hey, do you have a moment...
- Get out of here, b*tch!

Wow.

I'm really sorry. I'm
heartbroken, okay?

And, um, no, I don't have
time for the environment.

The environment's kinda f*cked.

And honestly, you're f*cked, too,
if you're wearing Skechers sandals.

I mean, Jesus wouldn't
even wear those.

- They not that bad.
- [campaigner] Thanks.

♪ Do you remember ♪

♪ When you broke your arm ♪

♪ Try to keep it in ♪

♪ Pretend we got it
all figured out ♪

♪ I've been cutting magazines ♪

♪ I think I'm burning ♪

♪ 'Cause we're second-guessing ♪

♪ We shout in the gallery ♪

♪ Trying not to
disappoint my family ♪

♪ 'Cause we're second-guessing ♪

♪ We shout in the gallery ♪

♪ Trying not to
disappoint my family ♪

♪ 'Cause we're second-guessing ♪

♪ Second-guessing ♪

♪ 'Cause we're second-guessing ♪

♪ Second-guessing ♪

♪ 'Cause we're second-guessing ♪

♪ We're second-guessing ♪