01x04 - Vanitas

[bunniefuu]

What's your name, soldier?

Is that thing recording me?

You're teaching him about w*r?

The reason we're all here,

the new headmaster,
Dr. Beatrice Webb.

Carl Bardolph... all I need
is for him to come on board

for, like, 3% to 5% stake,

and I am invincible.

- [Thud]
- Aah!

Zero days since
I stabbed someone, Joanne.

You threatened my livelihood.

I knew Carl wouldn't suffer
a fool like you.

I need you. We're profiling
every human on the planet...

what they want, what they think,
what people believe.

Yes!

[line beeps]

Well, JoAnne,
you were wrong about me.

You tried to cut me off
at the knees,

but I grew new shins.

And now I am big enough
to forgive you.

And I got news.

Oh, and I... I know
you're gonna want to hear it.

I've been doubting myself,
my abilities.

But f*cking A,
this guy is formidable.

And I just had
the most volcanic sex

with someone who's been
with me the whole time,

my most committed
sexual partner...

myself.

[soft dramatic music]

I loved myself.

And isn't... isn't that
the whole point of therapy?

I... I gave love to me.

Maybe it's... it's the most...
most important love of all.

It wasn't, uh, whatever
penetrative sex with my wife.

But I penetrated

my fist.

Yeah, you know what?

That fist... that fist
is now a symbol

of my strength against all odds

and my belief in me.

Okay, call me back.
It's Duncan.

[howling]

♪

Duncan, shut up!

[tense music]

[bell dings]

Friends, Quants,

Sons of Milpitas,

Hypergnomes, assemble!

Ask not if we will
have the honor

of hosting the legend

and new partner
and board member,

Carl Bardolph.

[crowd muttering]

We will.
He's coming.

Carl Bardolph is coming.

He's... he's one of us!

[cheers and applause]
Yes!

Yes! Yes! Whoo!

- [chanting]
Slide! Slide!

The slide? The slide?

No. No, no.

Okay. Okay!

We're gonna make money
with money!

all: [chanting] Slide! Slide!
Slide! Slide! Slide!

[all cheering]

♪

Yes!

You... you all...

it's a team!

It's a team!

♪

One second.

I'm beefing up Xander's backend.

Can't you hurry up?

No, I can't.

Martin.

You're mad.

You seem mad.

Are you mad at me?

You want me to vomit up
all the awful things

you said about me last night?

I have better things
to do, Martin.

I only repeated
all the demeaning things

you said to me about Xander.

That was... that was talk.

That was...
[sighs]

I was offering you my help,
my time, my smarts,

something that most people
actually value.

Cupertino, for instance, only
the most important tech company

to ever exist.

[car door slams]

You said they don't value you.

Know what?

Bugger off, Martin.

Better yet,
ask Alexander if I'd be

a net positive on your team.

Go on.

Rhodes scholar.

Doctorate in philosophy, Oxford.

"New York Times" bestseller.

And yes...
don't even say it, Martin...

one week on the list
definitely counts!

Go on, ask him!
Then bugger off!

Did you take your antibiotics?

Yes, and they're just
making it worse.

Well, consider yourself lucky

they didn't put you
on heartworm pills.

Honey, your needs are my needs.

But my needs are also my needs.

And I need to give my needs
a bit more attention.

Truth is, I'm not upset anymore.

I'm just recalibrating.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

Flat white, please, for Anushka.

[machine beeps]
- Sure.

[pop music playing]

Coffee for Tim.

[phone vibrating]

♪ ♪

Hey.

Your proposal
to send psychotherapists

for the workers
at our Guangzhou factories,

that was a prank, right?

A bunch of us thought maybe.

Big Tim was sure it wasn't.

But it was a prank, right?

No, it certainly wasn't a prank.

- Damn!
Big Tim always wins.

Well, they're rioting now.

So I guess the window
for mindfulness

has officially closed.

- Different factory.
- Ah, right.

Well, in that case,
it's been considered

at the highest levels
and was found to be,

sadly, utterly unworkable.

But Tim also found it
to be hysterical.

- Mm.
- You know how he is.

He loses faith in someone,
especially if he...

- Thanks.
- Suspects disloyalty,

he can be quite cruel.

Unforgiving, even.

He forgave you
for the massage therapist

on your corporate card.

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

[whistle blows]

We love science!

We love facts!

Now we need a place
to run some laps!

[shoes pattering]

Krypton, tungsten,
molybdenum, and radium!

Help us finance
our brand-new stadium!

all: Give! Give! Give!

[applause]

- What?
- The boosters?

I know.

Why do we need
the stadium again?

Do we have many,
or any, athletes here?

- That's why we need a stadium.
- Yeah.

We need to start
talking it up to parents

of any prospective kids
who even look like

they throw a ball.
- Exactly.

Beatrice, I wanted to ask you,

when you were at Harvard,
did you know Millicent Giblan?

What class were you in?

Jace's ex.

She used to tend bar
at that place.

You know, behind the Coop.

Grendel's Den.

That's the one.

I'm afraid
I don't know Millicent.

Parents and guardians
need to be making your way

to your child's first period.
- Okay, good to see you.

Beatrice,
it's always so hard to tell.

And you look so young.

What year were you at Harvard?

Lili, I never went to Harvard.

All my degrees are from

University of
Wisconsin-Madison...

my bachelor's,
master's, and doctorate.

That's funny.

Wisconsin?

Good comp lit program.

Great Nepalese food.

[chuckles]

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Made it.
- Fine.

Um, hey, can you, um...
[inhales]

Can you do Jamie's first period?

I have some... trustee business.

[school bell rings]

A robust art market
starts right here,

finding creators
of future value,

cultivating the taste
of future collectors.

- Sorry.
[stammers]

We're starting with bridges

because art is about connecting.

So find someone new...

not your life partner...

and, uh, let's build
something together.

- Uh, sir, there...
someone was looking for you.

Everyone partnered up?

I saw those stinko
investments you were taking.

Same crime, but dumber.

Okay, you need to stop
spying on me.

Whoa, listen.

Look, I know you don't want me
going through

your underwear drawer, right?

But let's be fair.

That's where you keep
your underwear.

- Ew.
- Can I just tell you my news?

I got Bardolph.

I did.
He's investing.

And he's joining the board.

Yeah, after everything,
even if he left a scar.

I... I'm impressed.

Thank you.

And, look, Duncan,

I can recommend
a new therapist for you.

What?

I really don't think
you should be without one.

- You think I'm a lost cause.
- I don't.

I just think you are
a sucker for shortcuts.

What does that mean?

Look, I have a client.

She's got daddy issues
as thorny as yours.

And she's had a string
of toxic men,

all while holding down
a big job.

Serves on boards.
Impressive, but miserable.

But then we did the work,
and she's turned things around.

And she is cutting
all of them out of her life.

She's even dating a woman now.

Ingrid?

Ingrid Talbert?

No.

All right, how's everyone doing?

Ingrid Talbert.

Let's liven things up
and switch partners

like a square dance.
[laughs]

Hey, hey, hey.

You okay? Yeah?

- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Yeah?

Hey, mind if I jump in?

[huffs] Odd man out.

Do you mind if we thrupple up?

Okay, let's just say
it is Ingrid, right?

She's on the board of Smote.

And Orlando Lee is the CEO...

the most toxic man to ever live.

I mean, he...
he makes his employees

wear astronaut diapers
while they're coding.

So Orlando Lee is your
star patient's boss, right?

I mean, is she trying
to cut him out?

No, and her name isn't Ingrid.

Sure, okay.

But she's collecting the votes,

boardroom coup,
bye-bye, toxic man.

United we purge.

The stock is gonna soar.

The stock's not gonna soar.

Everybody hates this guy.

Yeah, well, I'm just saying

it's probably not gonna soar
for long.

It'll bump
for one virtuous minute.

And then...
- How are we doing over here?

- Great. We're doing good.
You good?

- This is fabulous.
Really inspiring stuff.

[clears throat]

Toxic men succeed

because the fear they create
produces...

- What?
What, what, what?

Loyalty.

Ingrid may have fixed
her daddy issues.

The Valley has not.

No one can fill his shoes.
It's a loser option.

And for most,
loyalty forbids even trying.

So power vacuum.

Monster returns, monster wins.

And then the stock
will take off like...

A thrust without mercy.

Oh, JoAnne.

Boy, I wish we had
our session tomorrow.

You... you are so good.

Like, I know you hate me,

maybe even wish me
physical pain.

But I just have to say...

I'm serious... you are
an incredibly talented person.

If you were running
the world, it...

it would be a better place.

I know.

Yeah.

All right, show me what you got.

[light music]

♪ ♪

- Yeah, no.
Buy it up.

I want 150,000 shares.

Smote.

Duncan.

You know, it kind of seemed
like you were having

a therapy session back there.
- [blows out air]

You really think
that's appropriate?

Well, if you don't violate them,

how are you supposed to know
where your boundaries are?

But you're right.
Yeah, yeah.

No, tonight...
tonight's about the children.

Yeah.

This one's pretty good.

Little Grace Clancy.

Sweet, right?

Let me ask you, Gary.

Do you think, uh, my empathy
makes me a better art lover?

I do have quite a collection.

Yeah, it's actually
an interesting question.

Like, does... does one need
a developed sense of empathy

to appreciate great art?

Mm-hmm.

I mean, I would say yes, but...

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[robot whirring]

Anushka, I didn't mean
to hurt your feelings.

Sometimes I'm not good
at saying things.

I am... I am sorry.

Will you forgive me?

[metal squeaks]

Say "woof."

[whistles]

What?

Wow, Mary Poppins
is in a temper.

Not here.

What are you...

Did you call her?

Uh, yeah.

No. Who? Sorry.

The bloody reporter, Nena Marx.

- Ooh, I hate her.
I... I hate her.

Did you read any of my texts?

I'm persona non grata
at Cupertino.

They think I leaked
the acquisition rumor.

They think I'm profiting!

You... you're dead to me
unless you solve this.

Okay, okay, okay.

How can I help?
Just tell me.

Call Nena.

Put the rumors to bed.

She's got to print that
the talks between Cupertino

and Hypergnosis are over.
Stop it!

- What? What? What?
- Stop it!

Set the record straight.

On the record.

Take your medicine.
- Okay.

If you'll be
my spoonful of sugar.

Duncan, I am being


And I am 10,000% going
to call Nena Marx, okay?

Because in a few days,
Carl Bardolph is set

to invest $300 million
in Hyper-G.

That serious enough for you?

You bagged Bardolph?

Oh, I bagged him.

I bagged him good.

And that's exactly what
I'm gonna tell Nena Marx.

- He's a giant.
- No.

And when Carl and I close,
I swear

I will shout it to everyone.

And Big Tim will know
that you are true and loyal.

And you do
a little vindication cha-cha

on his desk.
- Stop it.

You know, flash a little ankle.

- Stop it.
[both laughing]

[snorts]
- I would if I could.

I would if I could.

I... [clears throat]

I just want you to know
that I...

I think
you're a very talented person.

And if you were
running the world,

no doubt it would be
a better place.

[bottles thudding]

[both moaning]

Oh, we're doing this.

Okay.

Okay, okay.

[soft piano music]

♪ ♪

[clears throat]

♪

[on PA] Please proceed
safely to the front door

of the school.
- Duncan.

[on PA] And have
a safe journey home.

- Oh, Lili.
- [sighs]

Where you been?

- The board business.
Come on.

We... we need to leave now.

Yeah, I was at art.

Okay, I did math stuff.
- Thank you so much.

What... Duncan, please.

- Oh, my God, what the...
- What are you doing?

Duncan, what are...
- Hey!

Hey, you, uh, can you open this?

That's my... that is mine.
- Please...

- That is mine.
- We're good, Al. Thank you.

- Oh, my God, this is mine.
- What?

- This is my cube.
That's my cube!

- What is wrong with you?
- Of course.

Jamison.

Jamison stole my cube.
That is...

- Oh, my...
you said Thelma took it.

No, she swore up and down
that Thelma was innocent.

- Oh, God, Duncan.
- "Don't fire her, Daddy."

No, this... oh, my God.

I don't know, Duncan.

But listen, I...
we've gotta leave.

[glass shattering]
[shrieks]

Are you insane?

[whispers] Come on.

Write a check.
Let's go.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Yeah, may his, um...

may his memory be a blessing.

Oh, why wouldn't it be
a blessing?

Oh, no, no.
I wasn't suggesting otherwise.

It's... it's...
it's an expression.

It's a... a Jewish...

no... oh, yep.
Oh, okay.

Bye-bye.

Um...

Alvin died.

- Alvin the landlord?
- Yeah.

- Oh, no.
- I know.

Such a sweet man.

Oh, no.

You know, I always felt
that he kept the rent down

because he knew
that I was helping people.

And, you know,
he really liked you.

He always... he always said,
she's a dish.

Who owns our house now?

I guess his daughter, Beth.

She's... I don't know,
she wasn't very pleasant.

I mean, she's a lawyer,
so say no more.

Gary, she's gonna
jack the rent...

- Well...
- Or sell.

Sell it out from under us.
And why not?

I mean, it's probably worth...

You know, there might be a world

in which he left us the house.



Oh, yeah. No.

He's not gonna
leave us the house.

Oh, my God.

If only you would have
bought it,

or any house.
- What?



Wait, how was I supposed
to buy a house 15 years ago?

I was just getting started.
And then I got priced out.

And then I got divorced.
Remember?

I don't want to lose our home.

Our offices... I mean, how are
we supposed to see our clients?

This is so unfair.

I mean, the only reason
that the real estate market is

sky-high is because
we keep these billionaire

man-children sane enough
to make that kind of money.

Okay, I'm gonna call Beth back.

No, you don't call, okay?

No, I will call.

Okay.

[doorbell chimes]

Carl.

Please. Hi.

First of all, I am so sorry
about missing our session.

That was...
- [grunts]

It's okay.
You're not charging me for it.

No, no. God, no.

No, it was a... a family...

And today's session, I mean,
I'll gladly pay for it.

But I don't think
I should have to, because...

well, because, um,
I'm firing you.

Carl, my son was
in the hospital.

Is that what you do
to therapists?

Is that the right word?
You fire them?

Yeah, okay.
I'm firing you, yeah.

Either way, I'm... I'm done.

I always left here
feeling a little bit...

castrated.

And I need my ba*ls, so...
thank you.

Yeah, have a good...
have a good day.

I... Carl, wait.

We... there are other options.

We could, um... we could maybe

put a pause on your sessions.

Or some therapists do retainers

so that you could, uh, call me
if those anger issues arise.

Well, the problem is,
is that the anger

is what made me the money.

But don't feel bad about it.

You did me a favor
when you stood me up like that.

The scales fell from my eyes.

I...

I'm getting back
into the game, so thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Well, I'm proud of you.

I, uh... what's the, uh...
what's the endeavor?

Just because
I would hate for you

to... to be involved
straight out of the gate,

the therapy gate, in...

in anything triggering.

I'll be fine.

Thanks.

[unsettling music]

[school bell rings]

[indistinct chatter]

[tense music]

♪

Leave a message,
or, better yet, text.

[line beeps]
- Beth, JoAnne Felder here.

Gary and I are heartbroken.

Your father,
what an extraordinary man...

Alvin.

You know, he and Gary developed
a funny kind of bond.

I won't say father/son, exactly,

but, um, maybe generous uncle,
peculiar nephew.

They had their lunches.

Gary always came home
with a smile,

like a midlife love affair...

platonic, obviously.

Uh... uh, right, well,
I mean, you must be swamped.

It's... it is a hell
of a process, grieving.

My couch is open to you,
of course,

anytime, on the house.

Speaking of the house, uh,
I was calling to see if you...

if you could,
between estate lawyers

and funeral homes,
squeeze in a chat

to discuss
what you might be thinking, uh,

or what Alvin was thinking
if he mentioned us

and our situation...

uh, not precarious.

I... I won't say "precarious,"
precisely, but pre... pre...

[clicks tongue] Pre... uh...

I... I can't seem
to finish my sentence.

[laughs nervously]

Beth, we want to talk
about the rent.

About, uh,
keeping the rent where...

where we could possibly...

- Press 3 to delete.
[beeps]

♪ ♪

[beeps]

[beeping]

Message delivered.

f*ck!

[breathing shakily]

♪

Hi.

Who's that dude?

That's Sigmund Freud.

- Freud?
- Yeah.

Are you familiar with Freud?

Wasn't he, like,
diddling his sister?

I think you're thinking
of Dickens.

Oh, he was, like,
the coke fiend, right?

- Uh...
- Oh, no, it was his daughter.

- No. No, no, no.
He wasn't diddling Anna.

Diddled with Anna's head,
didn't he?

He analyzed her.

And it was,
some feel, inappropriate.

Tell it to the cocaine, right?

[gate thuds]

[breathing heavily]

Hello?

[gate creaks]

[door clicks, creaks]

[footsteps descending stairs]

[breathing shakily]

[grunting]

[door slams]

Hello?

Hey, are you, like, Gary Jr.?

You said you were gonna
give that cube back.

I mean, guess I'm not the only
klepto, you little b*tch.

That was legendary.

[knob rattles]

Hello?

[hits door]

Coward.

[footsteps retreating]

[panting]

[knock at door]

Not now, JoAnne.

I am writing.

It's Orson.

Oh, yeah. Come in.

Orson, come in.

Hey. Oh.

Hey.

You okay?
Do... should I get your mom?

Um, can you teach me how to use

the washing machine, please?

Yeah, sure, no problem.

Oh, what, now?
Uh...

I know I messed up
with the stool sample.

But, um...
[sniffles]

The antibiotics are just...
they're not working,

and they're making it worse
for me.

And I really just...
I can't be like this right now.

Okay. Okay.

It is... it's okay.

It's okay.

This is totally...
this is natural.

Um... you know,
I know this nutritionist.

I'm on a task force with her.

People swear by this woman.
I could call her.

Yeah?
Great.

[claps hands]
Come on.

Well, good news.

SecVa felt bad
about missing the barbecue.

Tom put the screws to her.

Well, I just pointed out
she wasn't helping

the vets any by not showing.

Mm-hmm.

So SecVa approved the transfer

of a dozen engineers who know
the MUMPS system, and...

- The what?
Sorry, what... what system?

MUMPS system.

It stands for, uh, mobile...

nobody f*cking knows anymore.

It's been around longer than me.

And how long
have you been at the VA?

- No, no, no.
Me, Tom.

It's pre-moon landing.

They've put patches on top
of patches over the decades.

But, you know, that's... that's
what we're trying to do here,

is cure ourselves of the MUMPS.

This is... this is good news.

This is progress.

Yeah, the MUMPS, progress.

And how old are these engineers?

Well, we'd be pulling them
out of retirement,

so, I mean,
they're a little older.

- Guys! Guys.
[chuckles]

Read the room.



This is not a nursing home.

No walkers in my w*r room.
- Okay.

Okay, but this is the job
that we are paying you to do.

- No, you're not paying me.
Did SecVa fast-track the money?

Or is she taking
an old man dump on me?

I can't even sell
the data product.

Data product?

What data product
are you planning on selling?

Oh, you thought
your welfare checks

made this project worth my time?

The only play is to sell
the vets' data...

big pharma, insurers.

So you see people in need,

and you go to how to sell
their medical files.

Yes, it's called capitalism.

The government ought to try it.

Okay, if we have guardrails,

data sales, you know,
might work.

No.

No.

This deal's dead.

You, Duncan Park,
you are the f*cking problem.

Mm.

[sighs]

Sorry. Bardolph's smart.

He's gonna want to steer
the ship, but hard no.

Okay? It's...
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

He has a quick trigger.

I think this is
worth salvaging, Duncan.

Maybe I talk to Tom about
meeting somewhere in the...

Don't bother.

Don't bother.

Okay.

The engagement docs
will be ironclad.

From a synergy POV, you want
a wall around his people.

- Yes.
[door slams open]

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- Hey.
- Hey.

Hi.

Do we really need
to take a helicopter?

Pippa Tang wants to meet you.

[helicopter whirring]

Good news!

Mm?

Pippa's rescheduling
for tomorrow.

Great. Let's go home.

- What?
And miss a night in Napa?

But, Lili, my daughter...

She's, what, 15?

She'll be fine.

Do she know
how to work a microwave?

Don't fret.

Pippa will pony up, but she
likes to make us beg for it.

What does she get in return?

Her name on the stadium.

And she'll express
her priorities

for the school, and...

But what if I can't
agree to them?

For $40 million?

Just lie back
and shine brightly.

You don't have
to like Pippa Tang.

I don't happen to.

Just think what we can do
with 40 million.

I'm gonna book us a spa.

All these tests
they put you through,

poking and prodding,

just makes you feel
like a freak for having

a natural human body.

I mean, hello, we're all
just factories for sh*t.

And blood.

And pus.

And milk sometimes.

I mean, it's what we do.

We ooze.

We secrete.

And they'll never take that
away from us.

He's all set.
- Okay.

I've got a custom tincture
just for you.

It is my proprietary blend.

It will adapt itself to shake up

your whole microflora economy.

Mm, interesting.

What... uh, what's in there?

- Well, it's proprietary.
- Mm.

But mostly Chinese herbs,
holistic reductions,

compounds
to reduce inflammation.

So that's gonna fix
my sh*t factory?

- Orson...
- You bet.

Here you go.



and then three drops
three times a day.

- Okay.
- Three and three.

Great, great.

What's the damage on everything?

The damage?

Cool, yeah. Sorry.

Uh, well, of course I will apply

the medical colleagues discount.

- That's... thank you so much.
That's great.

And the consultation fee,
it's included

with the proprietary
prescriptions.

- Uh-huh.
- The total, then, is $1,962.

Oh, I didn't...

can you...
maybe don't take... yeah.

Okay, uh...
- It's activated.

- Right.
It already...

and how much of this
will insurance cover?

Ugh, of course
insurance companies,

they only cover phallocentric,
Western-normative treatments.

Okay.

Take credit cards?

- Let me grab the machine.
- Great.

[whispering] We're not gonna
tell your mom about this.

Yeah?

Lili, this is...

it's all too much.

"Too much,"
that's my "not enough."

[chuckling]
No.

You know, I don't come
from great wealth either.

But I practice
radical acceptance.

And now being rich
is second nature.

Yeah, it's possible to adjust
to any identity, really.

Wouldn't you agree?

I'm just rolling
with whatever comes.

Yeah, I like that.

Like in Aspen, right?

At the education thingy.

I was so excited to find

the perfect leader
for Las Altas.

Walked up, made you the offer
right on the spot.

When'd you realize
I meant to make the offer

to Pamela Douglas?

Do you mean,

when did I realize you mixed up

the only two Black women
at the summit?

- If I did...
- 30 seconds.

You knowingly infiltrated
or suborned

a wool-pulling antic.

And you can't tell
Black women apart.

I had been drinking.

And I think
with the altitude and...

You offered it to me.

I signed my own name
on the contract

and never once lied.

We're being honest?
- Mm-hmm.

My daughter is brilliant,
really brilliant,

and deserves to go to Stanford.

Las Altas is
the best feeder school, so...

Good for you.

Still, this is not
a great look for either of us.

Not arguing that.

But I do need to know,
if someone asks...

I'm not gonna lie.

You stood there in my backyard

as I introduced
a Harvard graduate.

You said nothing.

Just keep saying nothing

or this all falls apart
for you, for Harmony.

There's nothing
I can do to help.

[tense music]

Then we take it to our graves.

Fine.

You first.

♪

[breathes deeply]

Here's the phone number.

And name?

Jamison Esme Park.

- Your daughter?
- Yeah.

She'll never forgive you.

Well, she's not gonna find out.

Why can't you just...
[sighs]

Why can't I get one of those
Pakistani CTOs

with that H1N1 visa?

Because, like, when they whine,

I could send them back
to Bangor.

Bangalore. India.

And H1N1 is the bird flu.

[keyboard clicks]

[sighs]

Looks like she used
to torrent "Sailor Moon."

No, I... I don't want to know
about sex stuff, okay?

Just tell me...
tell me if she's stealing.

Pirating is stealing.

[sighs] Yeah, it is.

[keyboard clacking]

Oh, Jim Jam.

Hey, get out!
- I'm sorry.

Carl Bardolph is early.

- Park.
- Hey. Um...

Whoa, this where you keep
all the good stuff?

Yeah, I wasn't
expecting you till, um...

Well, I could pretend
that I messed up the time,

but I did, in fact, want to
catch you with your pants down.

- [chuckles]
Sorry to disappoint you.

Um, but, yeah, please sit.

Stay.
Make yourself comfortable.

Um, we had a whole...

whole thing prepared...

Who's the chickadee?

Oh, uh, Harper,
how about, uh, we show

Mr. Bardolph the power
of Gnodin?

We triangulated
this guy's metadata

from multiple data lakes.

Sending him a coffee coupon...

now.

[phone dings]



Please tell me
there's something besides this.



There's a 100% chance that
this does not work for me.

This is just baseline tech.

There's... there's... there's more.

So much more.

- Hm.
- Stuff that no one else has.

Prepare to have your mind blown.

You have two minutes.

Stan stays as long as you can
vouch for his secrecy.

- I cut his tongue out.
Get on with it, please.

You two are about to be
the third and fourth people

on Earth to see
what we can do here.

Orlando Lee, CEO of Smote.

You've heard of him.
Of course you have.

After running billions
of Monte Carlo simulations,

predicted by our God-tier algo
we call "Gnodin"...

what was it, Harper,
the percentage of certainty?

- 32.
- No, of certainty.

Wasn't it 89?
- Yes, it was 89.

Yeah, I'm certain this is
a giant waste of my time.

Stan?

Oh, yeah,
he doesn't have a tongue.

I will speak for him.
What the f*ck are you doing?


Lee is pushed out of Smote

in the next 48 hours.

Come on, how did you get that?

We are perched on the shoulders

of everyone in his sphere...
all-seeing.

We know which execs just got
a prescription to benzos,

who canceled their trip
to Biarritz,

who's buying tampons,

their... their spouse's
data stream,

their kids' test scores,
the doorman's bank account.

Okay, so you... you grab
a bunch of loose facts,

and you slap on a narrative.

And this is what
you call information?

Information with insight,

like if you fused a quant
with a psychiatrist.

Because if I'm right,
Lee is fired,

leading to a 94% chance
that the stock rises,

but only briefly,
because who wants to be

the sacrificial suit?

So power vacuum.

Stock falls.

And what have we got
on that, Harper?

Uh, 79%?

Uh, not quite...



Ah, let's just call it 78.



Then Gnodin's
psycho-economics...

Psycho-economics.

- Yes.
- Psycho... okay.

It tells us toxic loyalty
will lead to an 84% chance

that he's rehired,
leading to a 97% chance

that stock skyrockets
from that news.

You ride that whole wave, Carl,
with shorts and buys,

and you get to take, like,
four bites out of that apple.

Your algorithm says all that?

I bought 150,000 shares
of Smote last night.

Okay, we'll be in touch.

Thank you for the tarot reading.

You're leaving?

Uh, yeah.

Probably should have mentioned

that Carl was Orlando's mentor.

But then you probably
already know that.

You are
the f*cking data guy, right?

[door clicks]

I thought
that guy couldn't talk.

If any of that
had any validity...

- Trust me, it does.
I swear.

If he goes and warns Orlando,
he's gonna rewrite the future.

And then...

Someone's f*cking
their own mother.

And I think it's me.

Mmm, that was divine.

[chuckles]

Do we get dessert?

Chocolate gateau?

Ah, yes.

No, I can't.

I'm sorry. No.

When I was Jamie's age,

I used to eat
a whole box of penne

with Alfredo sauce so thick
you could spackle a wall.

Sometimes I didn't even hurl.

Do not tell Jamie that.

She already thinks
I've got food issues.

[sighs]

I don't always relate
to my own daughter.

Is that awful to say?

No.

She's a teenager.
- Yeah.

Duncan says
she's stealing from us.

- Aw.
- Yeah.

Like, she puts...
hey, thank you.

Thanks.

Yeah, she, like, puts
her little trophies

in the school trophy case.

Is she the one who smashed it?

- No.
No, no, no.

No, that was Duncan.

And he's paying for the repairs
with interest.

Is he...

[whispering]
Violent at home?

- No.
[scoffs]

I wish.

Tell me about
the perfect Harmony's daddy.

Where is he?
- He was just a friend of ours.

Yeah, he agreed to,
you know, cough up.

It was my egg. Darcy carried.

Oh, I didn't have you down
as a lady's lady.

So dónde estáMrs. Darcy?

- LA.
Actress.

- [groans]
- Yeah.

She ran off with another Darcy,

and that was almost worse
than the betrayal.

Oh, lady, I've been there.

Mm?

Keep thinking
I'm over it, and then...

oh, you probably met her
at the luncheon.

Anushka Bhattachera.

She's awful.

I made such a great hire.

- [laughs]
- Come on, grab the bottle.

Come on.
- [laughing]

[phone dinging]

Did you see my pottery work?

The giant bong?

Yeah, may...

- You didn't do a bong, Tess.
You made a bowl.

Lilac glaze.

Very tasteful too.

Remember, Martin?

Yes.

Uh, lilac. Very nice.

Dad, eyes on me.

What was my history project on?

Yeah, one sec.

Estimating
how many people could fit

in the Roman Colosseum.

I asked him.

It's a wonder
you saw any of that,

given how you were
with Duncan Park...

for a while.

What were you two up to?

I'm on his board.

[chair scrapes floor]

The company isn't doing great.

Neither is he.

I was trying to stop
a public meltdown

in the midst
of 500 of the Valley's

most influential parents.

Are you insinuating something?

No.

That explains it.

[dings]

["Fallin' Off The Floor"]

[groaning]

♪ ♪

[grunting]

[cheers and shouting]

♪ ♪

Good fight, boys!

Did you track me,
you piece of sh*t?

- You cannot do this.
You cannot...

- Do what?
[bell dings]

You... you're gonna warn
Orlando over there,

your protégé.

Oh, did your all-knowing algo
predict what I'm gonna do?

Huh? Did it?

Did it?
- Yeah.

[blows raspberry]

That's free will!

You have no idea
what this is about to do.

I live in the error margin, pal.

You didn't say
anything to him yet?

Yeah, I said "howdy"
and... and, "Where's the keg?"

If you tell him what I told you,

we will never know
if I was right or not.

It's... it's Schroeder's cat.

It's Schroedinger, you dunce.

Don't call me a dunce.

Then don't be a dunce.

If you really thought I was one,

you wouldn't be here.

Actually, being here,
it proves to me...

[bell dings]
You believe in my algo.

And maybe... maybe...

Jesus.

Ow!

Maybe it scares you.

My hot potato's too hot
in your soft, tattletale hands.

Yeah, this how
you used to do business?

This is why you vanished
from the scene, Carl?

Huh?

I show you tech
that will revolutionize

how we predict behavior,
and you...

you run to the playground
and you tell your boyfriend?

[cheering]

- Control, Alt, Delete!
[bell dings]

I have jumped through every hoop

you put in front of me

because I'm a fighter, you know?

You don't think I'm a fighter?

Oh, baby...

- You made your point.
You've made your point.

- Oh, good.
Thank you for hearing me.

- [growls]
- Hey.

[laughter and grunting]

- I love this guy.
This dude used to drop dudes

twice his size and half his age.

- [laughs]
- Who's this dude?

Orlando Lee,
I'd like you to meet someone.

This is Duncan Park.

He's a fighter.
- Oh, no way, dude!

- Hey, all right.
- Yeah.

You want to do it?

No, no, I... he wasn't...

he didn't mean it that way.

So not a fighter?

So your manhood is a metaphor?

♪ ♪

We got our next fight!

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

- He's got...
I didn't get a weapon.

Yeah, no. Okay. Okay.

[bell dings]

♪ ♪

all: Oh!

- Ah, man!
[grunts]

all: Oh!

[grunting]

[cheering]

I thought we said not the face!

- [grunts]
- [groans]

Control, Alt, Escape!

[crying]
Control, Alt, Escape!

That's not the safe word, cuck!

What?

No, no, no, no, no.

♪ ♪

[breathing heavily]

This is why we do it!

- Yah!
all: Oh!

- Yah!
all: Oh!

[both grunting]

♪ ♪

[breathing heavily]

- [gurgling]
Control, Alt, Delete!

He said "Control,
Alt, Delete," as*h*le!

Let him go!

[bell dings]

[indistinct chatter]

[panting]

[both laughing]

I wanted to show you something.

Mm-hmm.

[soft music]

- What is that?
The surface of the moon?

It's my home in Napa.

It burned down.

Oh, my God.

Oh, you know
who our neighbor was

and whose house is fine?

Pippa f*cking Tang.

Our donor?

So when the fires were raging,

Pippa bribed our private
firefighters double

to protect her house instead.

Wow.

You know the only thing
that's left?

Is that a bench?

A marble bench.

In our former garden.

Duncan asked me
to marry him there.

[voice breaking]
He doesn't even care.

- I'm so sorry.
- [sobbing] It's okay.

No, I'm so sorry.

I married a terrible actress
from a hemorrhoid commercial

who is also a wh*re.

[laughs]

Give me her number.

Her number?

Yeah, so Dunky gave me this app.

It hides your number
and your voice.

It makes you sound like
that Darth Vader guy.

Okay.

[phone chimes]

- Her name is Darcy.
- Darcy...

Yeah.

You're a little sl*t.

And so is the Darcy...
- Darcy. Darcy.

Other Darcy,
you hemorrhoid, dumb-dumb,

stupid girl, dummy.

[phones chimes]
- [gasps]

Oh, my God!

[laughs]
- [screams]

Oh, my God, I just peed myself!

[both laughing]

I urinated!

Whoo!

[both laughing]

Crisscross.

[both laughing]

[phone dings]
- [squeaks]

[fanfare from phone]

[phone vibrates]

Hello?

- [distorted]
We know what you did.

The betrayal.

What would Cupertino think
of you and Duncan

if they knew?

[dramatic orchestral music]

♪ ♪

Oh, my God!

[both laughing]

Are you feeling overwhelmed?

Try to remember your life
has value, "an*s Hooka."

♪

Shut up!

Just close your stupid gob!

When you carry shame around,

you make people around you
unhappy.

You seem riddled with anxiety
and guilt, "an*s Hooka."

Try breathing and counting
backwards from ten.

Ten, nine, eight...

♪

[shouting]

♪ ♪

[line trilling]

Hello, Nena.

Sorry if it's late.

I'm calling to set the record
straight on Hypergnosis.

Deep background.

You can say
a source close to Cupertino.

♪

[sighs]

The acquisition talks failed.

[phone buzzing]

[laughter]

But then Alvin turns to me,
and he says, Gary,

what the hell happened
to our neighborhood?

Since when did giving a damn
about your neighbors

become a four-letter word?
- Aw.

They don't make 'em
like that anymore.

- No, they don't.
- Hi.

Oh, my God.
Beth, hi.

I didn't know
you were coming by.

I would have... I... oh.

I-I-I am so, so sorry
about your dad.

Oh, I'm so sorry
to barge in like this.

No, please.

Oh, this is Irvin.

Hi.

- Great to meet you.
- You too.

Beth... uh,
Beth has told me how much

her dad adored you both.

And he was always
speaking of you so warmly.

- Mm.
- I know he really admired

how you two both do good work.

And you... you don't expect
to make as much

as everyone else here does.

Mm.

I always wished I could be
more like him, but I just...

I... I hate to say it...

I always tell her,
it's okay to care about money.

- [chuckles]
- And... and you are the, um...

the brother or the husband?

Irvin's handling the sale.

- We're gonna list at 8.
- Mm.

Probably would sell
closer to 8.4.

But we wanted to propose,
if you could pay all cash,

we'd give it to you at listing.

- Wow.
[chuckles]

["National Express"]

Thank you.

[sighs]

We'll get Pippa
at the winter gala.

It'll be fine.

But you can't tell the board.

What am I supposed to say?

Tell them food poisoning.

The chopper crashed.

So another lie?

I think you'll manage, Beatrice.

I feel pretty sure of it.

♪

♪ From the student
who knows ♪

♪ That to have one of those ♪

♪ Would be suicide ♪

♪ And everybody sings ♪

♪ Ba, ba, ba, da ♪

♪ Ba, ba, ba, da
♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Ba, ba, ba, da,
ba, ba, ba, da ♪

- ♪ Uh, huh
- ♪ Ba, ba, ba, da ♪

♪ Ba, ba, ba, da
♪ All right

♪ Ba, ba, ba, da,
ba, ba, ba, da ♪

♪ We're going where ♪

♪ The air is free ♪

♪

♪ On the National Express

♪ There's a jolly hostess ♪

♪ Selling crisps and tea ♪

♪ But it's hard to get by

♪ When your arse is the size ♪

♪ Of a small country

♪ And everybody sings ♪

♪ Ba, ba, ba, da,
ba, ba, ba, da ♪

♪ Yeah
♪ Ba, ba, ba, da

♪ Ba, ba, ba, da
♪ Uh, huh ♪

♪ Ba, ba, ba, da,
ba, ba, ba, da ♪

- ♪ All right
- ♪ Ba, ba, ba, da ♪

♪ Ba, ba, ba, da ♪

♪ We're going where ♪

♪ The air is free ♪

What do you think about
one seat for me

and one for my number two here?

You let him call you that?

♪

What's that on your forehead,
buddy?

-Forget money.
Where do you want to be?

Societal collapse is upon us,
and sooner than you think.

I miss you, man.

If you don't have the bone mass.

What the hell are you watching?

You did this?

You stabbed me in the back...
Oh!

...of my heart?

♪♪

In episode 104, you will see

the Tech Bro Fight Club,
which is in fact a real thing.

-This is Duncan Park.
He's a fighter.

He didn't mean it that way.

So your manhood is a metaphor?

We got our next fight.

It's tech bros wanting to feel
the realness of physical combat.

Oh!

And all the things

that are just metaphorical
during their daytime activity,

where they are being told
to fight,

to have that kind of w*r like

Sun Tzu aggression
in their business life.

I think there's
just a lot of like,

especially nowadays,
what is it to be a man?

And I guess that answers their
question for them sometimes.

[Grunting]

[Gasping]

Oh. f*ck.

I thought... okay,
no, no background. No.

Well, here they're
going to do it in

a back warehouse
to get their ya-ya's out

and to feel what that
masculine warrior energy is.

Just been kicked in the ba*ls.

Three, two... Action!

Oh!

I couldn't resist
not having that be part

of the fabric
of our Silicon Valley.

I show you tech
that will revolutionize

how we predict behavior,

and you run to the playground
to tell your boyfriend?

The thing that Duncan can say
legitimately to Bardolph is,

"I've jumped through every hoop
you've put in front of me."

And he puts another one
in front of him.

[Grunting, crowd reacting]

He succeeds in a way
that's emotionally very real.

When he's strangling
Orlando Lee at the end

with his eyes fixed on Bardolph,

it is a way of saying,
"I am a f*cking warrior

and not to be taken lightly."

He said control is to
Lee, as*h*le! Let him go!

[Bell dings]

I think that's
what Bardolph sees in him.

He does not give up.

Now they're ready
to go to the next phase

of their relationship.

When did you realize
I meant to make the offer

to Pamela Douglas?

When did I realize you mixed up

the only two black women
at the summit?

- If I did.
- 30 seconds.

In episode four, there's more
than just Fight Club.

There's also the fight
between Lily and Beatrice.

It's almost like they have
a summit meeting at the spa

where all of these truths
come out.

And we take it to our graves.

Fine.

You first.

It's a fun dance between the
two of them, literally in mud.

And then it's almost like this,

we have a lot more in common
series of scenes that follow.

Almost a friendship is emerging
between the two of them.

So Duncy gave me this app.

It hides your number
and your voice.

Hello.

-[Distorted voice]
We know what you did.

What would Cupertino think
of you and Duncan if they knew?

Oh, my God!

[Laughing]

Are you feeling overwhelmed?

Try to remember your life has
value, an*s huka.

Shut up!

Anushka takes
that Easter Island head,

which symbolizes
ancient beliefs,

and smashes this new technology.

That's the sort of collision
point that I kind of adore,

that idea that the AI bot
has provoked her to violence.

And when we get to episode five,

we'll see what the consequences
of that violence are.

I'm calling to set the record
straight on Hypergnosis.

The acquisition talks failed.

♪♪

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪