01x04 - Layover

[bunniefuu]

Oh hey, um Can I get a

Por , ah, sorry.

Can I por favor get a shot of, um

Rum, or

Is it, uh, ron

Do you know?

What?

Never mind, never mind.

I just thought, maybe, uh

You look, uh

Mexican?

Like you party.

The kind of guy who has a good time.

You want to dance?

Um

Look, I'm just passing through, um

So you'll never see me again,

if you're embarrassed by your moves.

-I'm not embarrassed by my moves!

-You know,

like dad dancing, or, I don't know.

My YMCA is is pretty excellent.

So are you here with, um

-With friends, or?

-Stopover.

I fly to Buenaventura in the morning.

Whoa, Colombia?

Brave guy.

Yeah, I, um

I should find my friends.

Should I find my friends?

Okay!

Oh God

-What?

-What is that?

That piece of Tupperware

strapped to your chest like a--

This right here is

my travel money belt, okay?

-Mm-hm.

-It holds my money,

-my passport--

-So do pockets.

It's retro-chic.

Okay!

Hola! What can I get you?

Cheers, stranger.

Cheers.

When in Mexico

I didn't catch your name.

What?

I didn't

Jonah!

Mateo.

-Yeah?

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Alright.

-Oh, do you?

-Nah, I'm good.

You can use the shower, if you want.

Cool. I'm good. Yeah.

-I'm going to use the shower.

-Yeah.

Yeah

Um Hey.

Hey.

Yeah, I'm going to head out.

Cool.

Um

-I'll see you around? Yeah.

-Yeah.

Thank you for calling

the US Embassy in Mexico.

Our offices are now closed

until Tuesday,

due to the Independence Day

celebrations.

Please call back later.

There were these kids, on scooters?

They must have distracted me.

Yeah, entiendo.

Okay. I have a flight in the morning

that I need to be on,

I need my passport back.

You should never let them touch you.

I didn't let--

Nobody touched me, okay?

I don't know how,

but nobody touched

me.

Wow, you picked up Spanish

real quick.

I'd be careful,

he's going to steal

more than your virginity, buddy.

I'm going to take this.

I'm pretty sure I paid for it.

Where's my money,

and where's my passport?

You have ten seconds,

or I'm going to the police.

Yeah

Your cards got declined, um

pretty quick.

-Where's my passport?

-Have a shot.

On me.

What are you doing?

I'm calling the police.

Who do not speak English.

Fine, I'll just go in person,

and make sure you go to prison.

Whoa whoa whoa,

let's not be hasty, bro.

Oh, you taking off your shorts

was hasty, bro.

Listen. You can go to the police,

and maybe they'll arrest me.

Maybe. Spend ten minutes in a cell,

but that kind of real estate

be overcrowded

so they'll let me out anyway,

and you still

miss your flight tomorrow.

Plus, they'll be asking questions.

"Why were you in his room anyway?"

-Are you sl*t-shaming me?

-What do you expect,

making love to guys you just met?

Oh, it was a mutual jerk-off,

and a pretty average one at that.

You can call the police,

or I can just get you your passport.

Fine.

-Let's go back to yours then.

-Yeah, it's, um

It's not at mine. I kind of gave it

to this girl Khaleesi, you know?

What?! No no no,

I definitely do not know.

-Call her!

-We're not friends on that level.

Never really sure when to cross over

into the number exchange.

Right, no, I get you.

You're just at the "passing on

stolen goods" kind of level? Hm?

Where do we find her?

Let me finish my drink first.

Can we go now? Bro?

So is this your thing?

You find unsuspecting cute guys

at bars?

Screw them, and then rob them?

They don't have to be cute.

If Khaleesi doesn't hand it over,

I'm going to the police.

Worst case,

you reschedule your flight.

The Colombians won't miss you.

I have zero dollars to my name since

you stole the last of my savings,

and I'm pretty sure my insurance

won't cover robbery by rubdown.

-That's what the kids are calling it?

-And by the way, yeah,

the Colombians will miss me.

I'm going to meet my soulmate.

Wait here.

Oh, no, no, no. Fool me once.

You're looking for something?

Yeah, um, hi.

We're here to see Khaleesi.

Oh, no, no, no.

She is in a spiritual session.

Juanita will help.

Come. I'll bring your boyfriend.

He's not my boyfriend.

Oh no, no, no, we're not here--

Juanita knows why you're here.

Whoa!

That's actually very impressive,

Juanita.

Misdirection, the art of distraction.

Think deeply about an aspect

of your life you want clarity on.

Fine.

-How is this night going to end?

-Ah!

Let's start with romance.

The wheel of fortune. Very promising!

There's a big turning point ahead

in your love life.

Right! Yeah, no, it is,

but it's not him.

I'm en route to see my soulmate.

That's actually

why I need to see Khaleesi.

Right?

-What?

-Well, I just feel kind of used.

You feel used? You're ridiculous.

Look, Juanita,

I already know my future,

okay, because I took the test.

So your cards are going to say,

my soulmate and I are in Colombia,

in a very nice house,

with a couple of kids, maybe a dog

Happily ever after.

What's so funny?

Some of us want more.

Some of us want love.