02x01 - Episode 1

[bunniefuu]

[GENTLE ATMOSPHERIC MUSIC]

- We've got this, right?

- Yeah.

We've got this.

- Oh my God, can you guys hurry up?

We're double parked in there.
We're in, like, a weird loading
zone.

- sh*t, sorry.
- God, you've got so much stuff!
- Voices.

- My way works. Me and Steph
will go, and then you just wait
here with Johnny and Peanut.

- Well, why don't I drive, and then
you can be in the back with the boys?

- I'd prefer not to
sit in the middle.
- Oh, sorry.

- No, it's just, I'm sore.
- I get it. I totally get it. Yep.

- I can drive.

- Sweet. There we go. Shotgun.
- No, you can't call shotgun!

You have to have had a baby
to get shotgun.

- That's true. Yeah, that is fair.
- OK, well, then I'll just drive.

- No!
- Absolutely not!

- That's like being on acid
on Rainbow Road in Mario Kart.
- I haven't taken acid for years!

- I'll just Uber.
- No, you won't.
We are all going home together.

- I'm only putting up with this
until those boys are big enough, and
then they can get in the boot. OK?

- Get down, Lily.
You'll get us arrested.

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[BABIES COO]
- SOFTLY: We made it.

- Here we go.

- Johnny. You assembled them.

- Yeah. It only took
a couple of hours.

- It took you all day.

- Flat-packs are
unexpectedly very difficult.

- That's so kind of you.

It really does, like,
mean a lot to us, eh?

- It did actually take me ages.

- I made a sign. Yeah.

You just haven't seen it yet, cos
you've come in this way, but, yeah,
it's hand-painted, took me ages —

probably as long as this guy —
and you can just fill in the blanks
when you're ready.

Yeah!

- Thank you. That really is so...
- So cool.

- Um...
[BABY FUSSES]

Yeah. Sorry. I'm just gonna...
I'll just be back in a sec.

- Cool. And I'm just gonna...

show myself the... the bathroom.

- Wow. I think they
really liked the sign.

I mean, they loved these,
but I feel like that sign really
tipped them over the edge.

[GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC]

- [SOBS QUIETLY]

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

[BABIES COO]

WHISPERS: Sorry. Sorry.

[SIGHS]

- You all good?
- Huh? Yeah.

Yeah, great, great.

Do you reckon you could
drive me back to birth care?

I just miss the jelly, and I miss
the gentle yet firm handhold
of a medical professional.

- I think Steph might need
a hand with... Blank and Blank.

- Yeah. Yeah, you're probably right.

I might just stand here for a little
bit longer, if that's all right.
- Yeah. OK.

- Oh...

[DOOR RATTLES LOUDLY]
- Man!

- Lily. Lily. Small ears.

- What? Oh, sorry.

Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

It's just that it's really hard
to do anything in there now.

You've made it like an escape room
with all the baby-proofing stuff.

- Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.

I just didn't want them to get
hold of any sharp objects.

- Yeah, of course, but, I mean,
they can hardly get hold of
their own necks.

- [HICCUPS]

It was still a super sweet and
thoughtful thing to do, though.

- Ugh!

It's like watching my siblings kiss.

- Hey! You said you were
gonna be mature about it.

- Look, I'm genuinely
happy for you both.

I just find it really hard to
support heterosexual relationships.

- Hey, so, Steph's got two names
for the child she birthed.

How come you don't have one?
- [SIGHS] God.

She's got a bloody Excel list —
like, 200 names on it, all
colour-coded and ranked.

- No, it's actually more
like an informal Notes app,
thank you very much,

that has 43 names, and you have
full editing access to it, Nat.

It would actually be good if we
had some possibilities for Peanut.

Otherwise I think
that name might stick.

- I just don't think Peanut's
an Earl or a Theodore

or a Pompallier — you had
a lot of French names on there.

- That's fine. You can suggest
whichever names you like.
Like, that's the point.

- I'll check out the list.
[BABY FUSSES]

Oh my God. Didn't you just feed?

- Yeah, I just think
he's still hungry.

I'm not sure if he's
getting enough from me.

- [SIGHS] You're welcome to chuck
him over to me. I'm on full blast
over here.

- Oh, no, no, I think I should
probably keep trying to, like,
get the milk going.

- Oh my God! How cute. You can just,
like, feed each other's babies.

- Well, no, we can feed our own
babies. We both feed both babies.

- Yeah, right. Sorry. Both.

Each of you can feed both,
at separate times.

- [SIGHS] I just don't think my
milk's, like, letting down properly.

I'm sorry.
- Babe, do you wanna just...?
Just for now. Just for now.

- Yeah. OK. OK. Yep.

- Oh, um, Johnny? Johnny? Sorry.
- Yeah.

- OK. Yeah.

Thanks. Sorry.
- It's all right. Don't say sorry.

[BABY CRIES]
Shh-shh... Shh-shh...

- Wow.

You know, a couple of weeks ago,
I would have bet 200 bucks they
were gonna break up.

- Lily.
- Maybe not 200 bucks.
OK. Maybe 40 bucks.

[BABY FUSSES]

- I thought there'd be
a lot more screaming.

- Yeah. Me too.

Do you think they're all right?

Like, do you think we should
wake them up to see if...?

Oh, no, his chest
is still moving, so...

- They're fine.
- Yeah, I think they're OK.

Oh, sorry. Sorry.

- It's all right.

[SIGHS] So...

what do we do now?

- Um...

well, they say that you should sleep
when your baby sleeps, so...

maybe we try and sleep?

- OK.

- I'll just...

- Are you gonna sleep like that?

- Yeah, I think so.

- I am making space for everything...
- What's she doing?
- Baby-gazing — homework.

It's supposed to create a bond
with the baby and make your flow
get better and stuff like that.

- Are you gonna give it a go?
- Yeah, nah.

Not really my style.

I'll do some CrossFit or
something with them later.

- My heartbeat...
- [SIGHS] I'm just gonna lie down.

- Oh, OK.

[SIGHS] Yeah. I was just hoping
she might take over, cos I really
need a shower.

I can still smell
the hospital all over me.

- Oh, you go.
I'll look after the boys.

- Oh, no, I wasn't saying
that so you would offer.

It's fine.
I'll just have one a bit later.

- Steph, it's fine.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Go on.

- I'll... Um...

OK. OK. If, like,
you honestly don't mind?

- No.

- Great. OK. Great. Thanks.

- Shall we go see Auntie Lily?

[BABY GRIZZLES]

- Are you breathing?

- [GASPS] I just don't really
know if I should.

- You can breathe, babe.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

- I just never really
held a baby before.

- Wait, you've never held a baby?
- No.

- Any kind of baby?
- No!

I made this rule that I don't
hang out with anyone under 25,
cos it makes me feel insecure.

- Hey, do you reckon
they look like me?

- I mean, I wanna say yes,
but honestly, they just look
like two old men.

Hey, so, how do you feel about maybe
staying in separate rooms tonight?

And maybe some other nights as well.

- Yeah. OK. If that's what you want.

- Well, I just don't wanna
rush into anything, you know?

It's like, one minute we're footsies
under the table being all cutesy,

and next minute it's, like,
'Hello. We're Johnny and Lily,
and these are our sons.'

I just like still feeling all
nervous and excited around you.

- Mm.

- OK?
- OK.

[BABY FUSSES]
- No, sorry.

- No?
- No, he doesn't like that.

Sorry, baby.

[DOG BARKS]

[FLASH POPS]
- Oh!
- And we're good to go.

- Uh, quite the set-up you've got
here, Mum. When was this planned?

- I thought it'd be nice for us to
have a record of our first few days
together as a family.

- Such perfect timing, with me just
finishing my portrait photography
block at my night classes.

So when Steph mentioned
wanting photos, here we are.

- I don't remember
us chatting about it.

- Johnny, can you give Steph Oscar?

- Oh, Austin.
- Eh?
- Well, both names are still in play.

I'm working through a naming trial.

- You'll confuse the wee poppet.

Nat, wriggle over
towards Steph more.

- Mum, I can't wriggle over, OK?
My guts will spill out.

- It's OK. I'll move.

- I mean, look at the boy.
He's clearly an Oscar.
- Do you think?

- Plus, I've known a few Austins
in my time. Always pompous pricks.

[FLASH POPS]
Oh, Johnny, honestly,
are you in or out?

- So sorry, Rosie. You're just
very trigger happy over there.

- This could have been just,
like, a photo on a phone or,
I dunno, no photo at all.

- Johnny, I'll get
you to move the pot plant.
- In or out?

- Strike it.
- OK.

- You know, I think I
actually really like Oscar.

He looks like an Oscar,
don't you think?

- Oscar.
- Our beautiful little... Oscar.

- I like it.

- Hey, Oscar.
[FLASH POPS]
- Ooh.

- [CHUCKLES] Oh.
That looks revolting.

What have I done wrong
with the camera settings?
[CAMERA BEEPS]

What about your one?
- They're our babies.
- They're our ones, Mum.

- Well, give him a family name.

- I'm not giving him a family name.

I don't like anyone in our
family that much. No offence.

- We do need to give him
a name, though, before
the photo is published.

- Publish the photo?
What, in the newspaper? Coffee News?

- No, of course not.
I just mean, like, on social media.

I think it will be nice for people
to have a photo of our family.

- Cool. Yeah. What's next?

Are we gonna send a smoke signal
up the chimney like they do in the
Vatican?

- Hey, Nat, you don't
actually have to be like this.

- Come on, you guys!
Try to look united.

- It's— Mum, it's all just,
like, feeling a little bit forced,
I think.

- This is a nice thing, Nat.
Like, it's a nice thing if you
just let it be a nice thing.

- Relax your shoulders, Nat.
You're looking very tense.

- I'm... I'm just not in the mood.

- And looking down at your babies.
Big happy smiles!

[FLASH POPS]
- Ugh! Mum, stop, OK? Just stop.

I don't feel like playing
happy families right now.

Johnny?

- Well, that went better
than I thought. [CHUCKLES]

[GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC]

- Got work tomorrow. I gotta go.
- You work from home.

- Yeah. So? I've been neglecting
my bedroom a bit, and I didn't bring
any clothes to wear.

- That's OK. I've got clothes here.
You'd look great in my work shorts.

- Yes, I would.

But this is gonna be good for us.

Keeping the mystery alive, you know.

I wanna text you, and
you ghost me, and I'm still like,
'What is he thinking?'

The mystery, you know?
- Yeah.

OK.
- OK.

No! No, I should go.

I've gotta go.
- OK!

Well, thanks for coming around.

- Yeah, thanks for having me.

See you tomorrow?

- Uh, maybe.

Maybe not.

Depends if I text you back or not.

- Yes. Good.

That is... what I like to hear.

Night.
- Night.

[BABY FUSSES]

WHISPERS: OK. OK.

[BABY FUSSES]

WHISPERS: Let's go.

Here we go. Here we go.

♪ Piko...

♪ Piko, piko, piko, piko, piko.

♪ Toro, piko.

♪ Toro...

♪ Toro, toro, toro, toro, toro.

♪ Piko, piko. ♪

Ah, sh-sh-sh-sh...

- Throwback.

- Yeah, that song is just
etched into my brain.

- Me too. Mrs Griffin, Room Five.

- Oh.
- Pew. It's going nowhere.

Oh my God.

You're so good with him.

- So are you.

Does it feel real yet?

- Not at all.

I feel so out of it.

Wow.

I've never seen you
like this before.

- J, I'm scared.

- Yep.

Yeah, it's...

it's f*cking scary.

I think you might have
just forgotten how dumb
and fearless you are.

- You calling me stupid?

- Yeah.

Yeah. Best thing about you.

- f*ck you.

- I'm not going anywhere.

- Pinky promise?

- Pinky promise.

- He smiled.

OK. Oy, oy, oy.

Come on, child swiper.

- OK.
- Let's put him in the cot.

Hey, um...

I want you to be part of this.

You don't have, like,
a marker, do you, in your kit?

- Hmm... Like a Sharpie?

- Oh, yeah. Sharpie's good.
- Yeah.

- STEPH: Nat? Is everything OK?

- Yeah. All good.
- [CHUCKLES]

- What are you guys doing?

Oh, Oscar and...

Jye.
- 'Jay'.

J for Johnny.

- Jai?

- Yeah. It's a family name. That's
why it's got the I at the end.

My cousin actually had it on her
wish list, but she's still single,

so snooze you lose, you know?
Get a move on. [CHUCKLES]

- Right.

- Don't you think people
will call him Jye, though?
- No, it's Jai.

- I know it's Jai, and we'll all
call him Jai, but I'm just saying,

first day of school, they'll see
his name like that and be like,
'What's up, Jye?'

And then that'll be it.
It'll stick. Jye, Jye, Jye,
for the rest of his life.

- It is a big deal, Nat.

Naming our son is something
that I should be part of.

- It was a gesture for Johnny.
OK? I thought you would like it.

- I do. That's not the point.
- Well, what is the point?

- That you didn't
talk to me about it.

That you didn't include me in that.
- OK, well, I guess we're
both guilty of that, then.

Look, I'm sore, and I am tired,
and I just don't wanna do this
right now.

- Do you not wanna...

do this with me any more?

Is that it?

Cos it really feels like you're
not, like, in this with me.

- I don't know if I'm in this.

- Right.

Right.

So...

So are you saying that you do wanna
break up? Is that what you're saying?

- Steph, I am tired, and I just—

- No, no, no, we have to—
- I don't wanna talk about it!
- We have to talk about it.

We have to talk about it, because...
we can't go on like this.

So... Yeah.

If... If we break up,
what does that look like?

I mean, um, I guess that you
would be at Rosie and Ted's,

and I'd be at Shelly's.

Um, would you...
would you want shared custody?

- Why, are you gonna
fight me for full?

- No, no, no, no. I think shared
custody would be the best thing.

- So what, we just...
we split up the boys and have
them each every few days?

- No. No, I don't think that would
be fair on them, to split them up.

- So we keep them together, then,
and it's week on, week off?

- Yeah.

Yeah, I think... something
like that would... would work. Yep.

So in that case, we would need,
like, two extra bassinets and an
extra bed for one of us...

and a... and an extra car.

And we'd need counselling, because
I wouldn't want our separation to
impact the boys at all.

- So that...

That's that, then.

- Mm.

- Sounds... hard.

And sh*t.

- Yeah.

So, then...

the other option

is that we...

don't break up,

that we stay together and,
like, try to figure this out.

- I like the second option.

- Same.

I think we need to, like,

tell each other what we need.

And we can write it on...

a nappy. [CHUCKLES]

So, um...

Yeah.

You... You tell me what
you need from me.

- Steph...

I need you...

[GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC]

to trust me...

and...

to just let me step up...

and...

to... stop trying
to control everything.

And I sign it?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- OK. And...

I need you to...

show me that you're
taking this seriously...

that you are...

in this with me, like, 50-50...

and that you won't back out
when things are hard.

- ♪ One part.

♪ Two hearts.

♪ Those kind eyes.

♪ Oh-oh-oh...

♪ Tired arms,

♪ they hold tight

♪ when strong winds

♪ blow.

- Seal it with a kiss.

- ♪ Don't you forget...

♪ my love.

♪ Hold...

♪ on to me,

♪ on to me.

♪ Oh, I'll hold...

♪ on to you,

♪ on to you. ♪