02x02 - Elevator Pitch

[bunniefuu]

- Abu Sheikha!
- Hold it!

Abu Sheikha!

We made it!

Oh, dear me.

Didn't you photograph
the Australian heron yet?

No. We didn't have any luck yesterday.

But we'll get it today
with the new lens you got us.

Thanks, Abu Sheikha.

No, please.
Supporting talent like yours is my duty.

Honestly, Abu Sheikha,

what do you think of people bullying me
and calling me a bird pervert?

Saad, you may know
the Australian photographer called Peter.

He sold a picture for 20 million riyals.

Really?

Don't let the haters get to you.
Keep going.

God bless you all.

Goodbye.

God bless your daughter, Sheikha.

Amen.

Isn't it hot today, dude?

Why are you drinking tea
if you're feeling hot?

You know where I got this tea?

- It's Um Salem's tea.
- Right, Um Salem's tea.

So shut your gob.

As the Sudanese say.

I don't know what you like about this tea.

Speak of the devil.

My lady.

God bless you for the best tea in Riyadh.

Guys, the elevator
can only hold six people.

We're all believers here,
and everything is in God's hands,

whether you're in an elevator
or in your bed.

- No doubt.
- Trust God.

- God is generous.
- So true.

Seems like the maintenance
isn't that good in this tower, Muneer.

Don't underestimate my property, Khalaf.

The maintenance is excellent,

and now you'll see
how great the office is.

Selling your office, Muneer?

Yes, unless this idiot changes his mind.

Why sell it? The location is strategic.

It's facing north
and overlooking all Riyadh.

Tell him.

There's no place.

- It's full. Take the next.
- Take the next one.

No, it's of excellent quality
and can accommodate us all.

Get in, my little friend.

Bonjour, everybody.

What floor, champ?

Thirtieth floor, the Sumo club.

Cute. Eightieth floor, please.

Eightieth floor.

Go ahead, Muneera.

- You named the elevator Muneera?
- Yes.

You're nuts.

Whose child is this?

My kid, Mistake. My love.

I'm taking him to see the rooftop.

- Why?
- To build his confidence.

How so?

I'll imitate the scene with Simba.

I'll show him Riyadh from above and say,

"One day, everything under the sun
will be yours."

He thinks he's Warren Buffett.

Why didn't you invite us to your wedding?

Actually, Abu Abdul Rahman,
I got married during corona

and decided to make it
a small family wedding.

I didn't know you are of British descent.
You're from Al Houta.

Hey! Enough of your nonsense!

Stop it, both of you!

I'm kidding, you maniac.

- If only...
- It's okay, darling.

- Sick b*stard.
- Never mind this dog.

Let's watch our language and be gentlemen,

because we have a mademoiselle
in the elevator.

A budding flower.

- That's enough, Abu Abdul Rahman.
- Why?

- I'll tell you in the clinic.
- Who's the guy in the white coat?

Let me introduce you
to Dr. Bassam Folaifela.

- Flifla.
- The best pediatrician in the Middle East.

We at the Center
for National Burden Reduction

have reached an agreement with the doctor
to treat 50 needy children for free.

- Wonderful.
- Great.

- May God reward you.
- God bless.

What a blessed tower!

This is a good opportunity to introduce
our excellent maintenance guys.

This is tower reception. Hello?

Excuse me. It looks like
you're doing some safety drills.

But I'd like to tell you
that there are people in the elevator.

Just say the elevator broke down, man!

Shut up, fearmonger.

At your service.
I'll connect you with maintenance.

Maintenance office. How may I help you?

Abdullah?

Abu Fahd?

God bless you.
You're working with us here now?

Yes, a part-time job.

Excellent. How are you doing these days?

- Excuse me!
-Not much.

I have a new hobby: breeding frogs.

Me too! Where do you buy your frogs?

- Happy Kitten pet shop.
- Guys!

Can you believe that frogs
are social animals?

-Cool!
- He's right.

Great. How about we have lunch
and chat about frogs?

Sure. Do you feed them flies?

They didn't like them.
I'm feeding them worms.

Hey, you!

We're doomed.

Don't think negatively.
Have faith in God, guys.

- That's right. Praise God.
- Praise nature.

- We have an infidel!
- May God forgive us!

Calm down, people.

We're all in the same boat.

- No, we're not in the same boat.
- What?

You know where you'll end up
if this elevator falls, Muneer.

- What do you mean?
- We all know what he means, you snake.

You're always talking about women driving.

Man! There's a huge difference
between that and denying our creator.

Both are equally bad, Muneer.

- Stop it, Muneer. Curse Darwin now!
- g*dd*mn you, Darwin!

Damn Darwin! Don't drag us with you!

g*dd*mn Darwin!

It's still not working.

-Hello?
- Hello?

-Can anybody hear me?
- Yes, I hear you.

This is the rescue team.

Our fearless heroes.

Yeah, about that...
We brought someone to talk to you.

Talk to us?
Do you want us to host a Twitter Space?

Get us out of here, man.

May the peace and mercy of God
be upon you.

Sheikh Abu Soliman?

Welcome.

This is Dr. Khalaf, Sheikh Abu Soliman.

Dr. Khalaf? What a nice coincidence.

-Maybe it's for the best.
- What's going on?

God would not punish you
if you seek forgiveness, Khalaf.

God bless you, Abu Soliman.

- May God have mercy on our souls.
- Souls?

How many people are there, Khalaf?

Seven men, a dog and a woman.

May God help you.

Pray to God, Khalaf.

Ask for God's forgiveness and repent.

May he have mercy on your souls.

May you rest in peace.

Thank God.

We're all going to die.

But I'll meet my maker
with a clear conscience.

I guided an infidel to Islam.

I'm not an infidel, damn you!

But, regarding meeting our maker
with a clear conscience,

Khalaf--

Enough nonsense, Muneer.

No, please, hear me out.
I'm asking for your forgiveness.

- Forgiveness?
- The office, Khalaf.

- Actually, I wasn't very honest about it.
- What?

The plumbing is a disaster.
It's constantly leaking, Khalaf.

Shame on you!

Save your anger. Let me continue.

- The office was a brothel.
- Oh, dear God!

Shut up, Adel.

You wanted to sell me a den of sin,
Muneer?

It was, Khalaf. Not anymore.

So they're gone?

Actually...

they're gone, but not quite.

"Not quite"?

There was a small disagreement
between a worker and her manager.

- You mean pimp.
- Whatever.

There was a sh**ting, and they were buried

under the office floor.

He buried her in the office?

Buried them.

How many?

Four--

Forty-three.

You were better as an infidel.

God, I have repented.

I swear, if you save us from this lift,

I'll return this man's entire deposit.

- Me too, God.
- Dear God.

- I swear that if you save us...
- Amen.

- ...and he returns my deposit...
- Give it to the poor.

...I'll return it to the orphans
I stole it from.

- You stole from orphans?
- Take it easy.

- You're breaking my bones.
- k*ll him!

We're all sinners, Adel.

Our Lord Jesus says,

"Let he among you who is without sin
cast the first stone."

Shut your mouth, you son of Flifla!

- Let the man finish--
- No need, no need.

I'll say it myself.

Maybe it was my sin
that got us into this mess.

The truth is,

I was never faithful to Um Abdul Rahman.

I'm a... class-A womanizer.

The fool wants to make us laugh.

- His sin got us in this situation.
- Bleat, you sheep.

Hear this sin, you idiot.

Saad, you know what this is?

- A camera?
- Smart.

Every morning for the last three months,
Saad and I have been going to the roof

to take photos of the Australian heron.

But the truth is,

we were taking photos of Sheikha

while she changed her clothes for work.

Shame on you.

I have a hard drive
packed with photos of Sheikha.

I'm damned with this obsession,
Abu Abdul Rahman.

May God forgive us. No one in this lift
committed a sin bigger than ours.

- My sin is bigger.
- Here you go.

- My sin is that big.
- He ruined my flow.

This is my son, Mistake.
He looks like his mother.

His mother who left me

to marry a guy ten years younger than me.

She broke my heart. May she burn in hell!

I called her this morning and told her,

"I got our son
into a British boarding school."

She said,
"But Mistake doesn't have a passport."

She doesn't know that he won't need one
where he's going.

You monster.

I brought him here to throw him
off the tower like a dog

and break his mother's heart,
like she broke mine.

Just raise him yourself!

I'll k*ll him no matter what!

At least take him to an orphanage!

So Khalaf can steal his money?

Good point. And the context is correct.

Dr. Flifla, you vowed to save 50 children!

Here's one now. Save him, Dr. Flifla!

This is the segue to my sin.

Damn it! What did you do?

I...

I'm not a doctor.

How?

Forgive me, Muneer.
I'm the plumber who did your office.

And the five surgeries
you performed on me?

Hold on a minute. Time out.
You're not a pediatrician?

I never said I was, Adel did.

Forget what I said. You're not
an andrology and erectile doctor?

You b*stard,
my water bill is 7,000 riyals per month.

No, Adel. I'm not an andrology
and erectile doctor.

My degree is fake.

So that's why when I try doing
a number one,

I get a number two.

Don't worry, Adel.

If we get through this,
I'll fix your pipes.

All this bullshit gave me a headache.

Didn't you just say you're a womanizer?
Now you're going to a plumber to fix you?

What kind of crappy scenario is this?

Oh, you don't see my logic?

But your plan to photograph
the Australian heron

is a Tarantino scenario!

The heron is an aquatic bird.

It doesn't come to Riyadh, idiot.

Bravo, you tireless twat.

You know a lot about birds,

but here's something
you haven't heard before.

Saad, tell him about the ostrich.

Did you know?

Did you know that the ostrich
can reproduce and have sex

until the age of 50 without any problems?

Got it, Mr. Defective Pipes?

Stop it, guys.
This is not the time to fight.

You're fighting instead of seeking
God's forgiveness?

This lift is like the apocalypse.

God gathered the evil in one place
to k*ll them all at once.

Look at the glass half full, Hizam.

Maybe God hasn't destroyed us yet
because we have a woman among us.

Virtuous, pious, modest,
and wearing a niqab.

We haven't even heard her voice.

She's the very definition
of a virtuous woman.

- Pray for us, Um Salem.
- Lose your shackles and raise your voice.

God won't judge you.
The situation calls for it.

Please, Um Salem.

Come on, hottie!

Hi, guys.

There was a tea kiosk
run by a guy called Abu Hadi.

I envied him

and decided to ruin his business,

so I took a kiosk next to his and started
selling tea dressed as a woman.

I thought people would sympathize
with me, and it would work for me.

But you make such good tea.

See how people are addicted to it.

God, I'll break that hard drive!

I won't swindle anybody again.

God, I'll burn all my fake certificates!

I'll marry Sheikha and fix my mistake.

I swear to you, God,
I'll donate all my money to orphans!

I will rectify the mistake with Mistake!

I'll cut it off! I'll cut it off!

It's a party, boys!

Maybe there's more to life.
Prepare the camera, Abu Ghannam.

Come with me, Flifla.
I might need a quick fix.

Anybody interested in a luxurious office?

You've earned a few more hours,
you son of a b*tch.

Thank God for saving us.

Now it's time to relax.

Pour me a glass of wine, boy!

MASAMEER COUNTY